Rachel Thompson's Blog, page 35
February 12, 2012
SNARKALICIOUS COMMUNICATION: THE 4 STYLES
I'm Bossy. So?
I'm a Rabbit.
Wha?
No, not talking Chinese New Year symbols. (For the record, I'm a dragon. There's a surprise.)
Today we're discussing communication styles. Which I suppose is fitting given that I write about Mancode and Chickspeak.
But today I'm taking a slightly…different view.
Some people say we all relate to a character in the Pooh series: Pooh (or Piglet), Eeyore, Tigger, or Rabbit.
Me: Which one are you, honey?
Husband: Mickey Mouse.
Welcome to my life.
Let's deconstruct.
THE FOUR STYLES: There are four basic communication styles (using the Pooh model):
Relationship
Friendly (Pooh, Piglet)
Dramatic (Tigger)
Analytical (Eeyore)
Bossy (Rabbit)
Task
You, me, even your dog have a communication style that falls into one of these four categories. Feel free to disagree – years of data prove you wrong.
(These are not personality styles – these are communication styles – different. If you are an Analytical aka Eeyore, don't think I'm calling you a Negative Nancy #thoughyouprobablyare. It's only a model #deargod).
Anyway.
MY STYLE: I fall into the Bossy category – I can be a pushy little thing. No surprise there. I tend to be assertive and task oriented. Which isn't to say I can't also be a marshmallow at times – but my preferred style of communication, that I automatically go to, that my brain is wired for, is to be bossy, assertive, and focused on the task at hand. (Once that's done, then I give out hugs. Maybe.)
This means I make decisions fairly quickly based on a minimal amount of information and I don't dither once I've made that decision; I'm a leader if I feel it's worth getting the task done; I will consult others if I feel I need to in order to make the right decision but not always – usually I'll just do research and make my decision based on that; I'm a rebel to an extent — I don't go along with the pack and don't care what others think of me (just read either of my books if you want proof of that); I will fight for my rights and I'm fiercely loyal to those who are loyal to me.
Z-OUT: Which means I'll go from my Bossy corner into a Z-pattern and end up in my opposite corner, which is where I will acquiesce and offer you some hunny.
Okay, wait.
Everyone will Z-out at some point…where you throw up your hands and say, "Fine. Whatever. I'm done." Meaning, you end up in your complete opposite corner of your preferred communication style. For me, that means acquiesce, which is like Kryptonite for a Rabbit. #shivers. Interestingly, for an Eeyore, this means they'll get their back up, even if just for an instant. It can be a beautiful thing.
PREFERRED STYLE: Everyone falls somewhere in those four quadrants. Yes, we can exhibit qualities of all four but we each have one preferred style. How task-oriented are you? How assertive are you? Those are the basic questions. And it's not how you see yourself – it's how others see you that gives you the most accurate picture.
MORE INFO: Why write about this? I find this fascinating and along with Journalism, I received my BA in Communication Studies in college. I'm also a certified trainer in it (from my former life in pharma that I've mostly recovered from). My guy JP teaches it to sales reps and I sometimes help him. This is a two-day program so I can't possibly give you all the info here in this snapshot. (If you want more info, follow him at @salescafe or visit his site at AscentSellingTechnologies for WAY more info.)
How does this relate to authors? Where are we in this model?
FOR AUTHORS: As we build our author platforms and interact with people from all walks of life, we're bound to come across people who are diametrically opposite our style. Know how you meet people whom you just don't jive with for whatever reason? Most likely, you're having a communication style conflict.
This usually occurs for two reasons. Their style is so opposite yours, you simply cannot relate i.e., you're a Tigger (Dramatic) and they're an Eeyore (Analytical). You want to make a split second decision and they send you one hundred emails full of research. An extreme example but perhaps something you've experienced.
This can also happen if you're the same style as someone. Put two Rabbit (Bossy) people together and you usually end up in a flame war or a 'pissing contest,' which can get ugly quickly. (For the record, I have a strict policy against flame wars however, it's in my nature to want to respond. It's a learned behavior not to but I'm far from perfect.)
Writers, in my opinion, have an advantage because while we are hard-wired as humans to a preferred style (observe how you react to stress – it's the same every time), we can tap into those emotions in our writing style and cross genres with our characters, in our poetry or essays.
PERSONALITY VS. COMMUNICATION: Many people have probably done the Myers-Briggs test or some other types of testing. While this is similar to an extent, the difference with this type of program is that MB is a self-assessment. Of course it's going to be right! We project where we see ourselves and guess what? It's usually only about 50% accurate. In fact, it's only 48% accurate. In addition, how do you use that info?
The great thing about this type of program is that not only do you assess yourself but others who work with you also assess you – a much more accurate picture.
HOW IT HELPS: Learning this communication style program has helped me immensely as a person, wife, mother, friend, daughter, and sister. I even see it in my children and apply it to their learning styles. Not to mention as an author and social media consultant – I come into contact with hundreds of people every day and it's incredibly helpful to understand why people react the way they do.
DECISION-MAKING It's often even a deciding factor for me – do I want to interact with this person based on their level of assertiveness or task orientation? Where are they in relation to me? Sometimes their level of assertiveness or task is so much more than mine (or less – maybe they're too wishy-washy), I decide to end the relationship. It's just not worth the stress. You've probably done the same at an unconscious level.
DEEPER LEVEL: And it goes much deeper. Once you know your style, you can adapt to others if you're having a style conflict, change your sales message if you're having trouble with a client, friend, or colleague, correct a tweet or Facebook message if someone seems offended (depending on your style, you may not even care #raiseshand), even consider styles when writing characters. It's truly fascinating, all you can do with it.
I hope you find this information as interesting as I do. Please share your thoughts and experiences below. I don't mean for this to be a sales promo for my guy. He's busy as it is. I personally dig this stuff and find it of value.
**Based on our little exchange, what style do you think my husband is?
You should FOLLOW Rachel here, Twitter, Facebook, Goodreads, or email any questions.
Want help with your social media or author campaign? Email me for info, rates, and references.
Related articles
'The sky has finally fallen. Always knew it would,' & Other Eeyore Observations (bethtrissel.wordpress.com)
Happy Winnie the Pooh Day! (rochpublibrary.wordpress.com)
[image error] [image error]
February 11, 2012
INTERVIEW with POET JESS KRISTIE
I'm beyond thrilled to present talented poet Jess Kristie to you today. We've known each other on Twitter and Facebook for over a year now and have supported each other all along. (Even though she tweets with hearts and flowers, I still adore her).
Her book of poetry about relationships, love, and sex touches my heart like no other. I hope you'll agree.
Learn more about her here. Thanks so much, Jess for your time and all the fun!
Jessica Kristie Interview for Rachel Thompson
1) Please tell us how you came to publish your beautiful book of poetry Dreaming In Darkness and a bit about your background as a writer.
Around this time last year I was approached by a small publisher as I was getting my manuscript together. Although their submissions were closed, I was given a special invite to submit. I worked with an amazing editor and we got my book out there on eBook. They struggled to get my book out on paperback so I found a new publisher just recently who has obtained the rights and re-released my eBook with a new look and five new pieces as well as finally releasing the book on paperback. I am really happy with how it looks and proud of this collection of work.
I have been writing poetry since I was ten but have only taken writing up as a career the last several years. In addition, I focus on graphic design, business, marketing, editing and project management. I just recently finished a wonderful project: Inspiration Speaks, through ArtPlatform.org. You can order your copy at Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Purchases benefit ColaLife.org.
2) You write with such heartbreaking beauty about love and relationships. What inspires you?
Thank you. So much is inspiring that it's hard to call it one thing. I have learned over the years to be inspired from everything and find beautiful things even in something that others would find painful. Life is a learning experience and I try to learn from not only mine, but other's experiences too.
3) Are your pieces based on real life or do you create characters in your head, much like fiction? On that note, have you considered (or do you) writing fiction?
My writing pulls from my own experiences, and from those around me, and I would even consider some of it true-life-inspired fiction. My second book is fiction, but as many writers can say, it is based on a lot of true life facts and people. I also have a fiction novel in the works and I honestly plan on finishing that soon. I keep getting pulled away by other projects, so it seems to keep being put to the wayside.
4) Do you have a specific writing process?
Honestly, not really. I feel it, then I write it. I don't need to have a certain mood set. As far as the work goes, I make sure to let it sit for at least 24 hours before posting to my blog or anywhere else. I like to look at it with fresh eyes. I also believe in knowing when to edit and knowing when to let things be. Only you can determine which is right for each piece you author. Having others take a look, or edit, is also a valuable tool for becoming a successful writer. We are not always the best judge of our own work.
5) I recently started a fun Twitter meme (aka theme) called #TellMeTuesday where people can share secrets 'their mothers would be horrified to know.' (Sorry, Mom.) Anything you'd like to share with our readers?
I have a thing for boobs. #TellMeTuesday
I once had a nice make-out session with my best friend's boyfriend. #TellMeTuesday
I once had a nice make-out session with my boyfriend's best friend. #TellMeTuesday
Me + Patron = bar-tops, singing, and dollar bills. #TellMeTuesday
6) Let's do some Proust questions:
Favorite quality in a man?
The ability to communicate honestly.
7) Favorite quality in a woman?
Being genuine.
Your idea of misery? Loneliness.
9) Happiness?
Loving yourself.
10) Favorite food?
Pizza.
11) And we must know, your favorite curse word?
Fucktard.
Love it!
Wonderful. Thanks so much for sharing these intimate moments of your life, Jess.
Here is your gorgeous book trailer. One of the best I've seen. I'm in love with the music as well as your beautiful book.
Check it out, folks. Then go buy her amazing book, Dreaming In Darkness. Her second book, Threads of Life, will be released March, 2012. I, for one, can't wait.
Follow Jess on Twitter, Facebook or her blog.
Related articles
Exposure Worthy – Author Jessica Kristie (magicinthebackyard.wordpress.com)
[image error] [image error]
February 9, 2012
DUMBASS SYNDROME
Dumbass Syndrome.
It has become epidemic.
It used to be more of a Pinhead kind of thing. But it has graduated.
Let's review.
I don't know about you, but if I'm not sure of what someone is talking about, I look it up. There's this little thing, you might have heard of it, I don't know, it's called GOOGLE? It's where, when people are using terms you aren't sure of, or are talking about a particular subject you may be unaware of, you look it the hell up.
Then you don't look like a dumbass.
Of course, if you don't care, by all means, feel free.
We will point and laugh. Not the same way as if you were wearing stupid pants, but ya know, similar.
Eric: My head hurts.
Red: That's your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.
~ That 70s Show
I get that some people have Dumbass Syndrome. They just can't help themselves. Are they born that way? (I bet they think Lady Gaga is singing about them.)
My colleague says people aren't stupid. They're just naïve.
Mmmm….I'm pretty sure they're just stupid.
Yep, that makes me a bitch. I already know that.
There are really three levels of Dumbass: stupid, clueless, and ok fine, naïve.
Let's deconstruct.
People who drive slow in the fast lane on the freeway. I'd have to go with clueless on this one, but feel free to disagree. Now this type of person can encompass anyone really – no need to point out a specific age, race, religion, or sex. Except, aren't they always wearing hats?
People who don't know they can purchase an eBook without a Kindle. I'm gonna go for naïve Alex, for $100. No offense, truly, because SO many people have no idea about digital devices and such. Many still don't have smartphones and don't know what that even means because it sounds scary and intimidating. My dad still won't use a computer (but Mom bought him a Kindle cause she rocks).
My books, as well as many other authors, are now Amazon exclusive due to KDP Select, which means you can borrow one book per month free. They also allow us to put our books up free five days out of every ninety – a good deal for you, dear readers.
So practically every day on Twitter and Facebook I remind people that Amazon has free apps for your smartphone, computer, tablet or cloud. People say, "Well, I have a Nook." So?
"I can't be any clearer than how crystal clear I am being." (Name that movie.)
Now those people are NOT THINKING. You can still download Kindle books. Didn't I just say that Kindle has free apps? I'm still going with naïve but it's…so…hard.
Cut us off in line at the grocery store. Okay, that's a total stupid dumbass move and I'm usually the loud (but still classy) redhead who embarrasses my daughter about it. If I have a cartful, I always offer the guy with the gallon of milk go ahead of me. Especially if he has a nice smile. #justsayin
But when he runs ahead of me and then calls to his wife or friend to bring their giant cart of Mac & Cheese, beer, and coupons over, heads will roll.
Okay, well. I'm only five-four and weigh one-eighteen but still. My tongue will cut a bitch.
And don't even get me started on the guy (why is it always a guy?) who told me my humor, nonfiction books will never sell because a woman writing about men isn't funny. That's so beyond dumbass, I'm not sure where to start. It says right on my bio "Amazon #1 bestseller" which I suppose a lot of books say but…he could go to Amazon (or, say Google?) and look it up before making said dumbass comments. But he didn't.
Ergo, dumbass.
Dumbass Syndrome is on the rise. It affects both sexes, all ages, all races. No one is safe. The only cure I know of? Strapping them to a chair and making them watch Barney. Of course, their brain is then mush and they're only able to babble incoherently, but it's better than the idiotic trash they spewed before.
Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be dumbasses.
You should FOLLOW Rachel here, Twitter, Facebook, Goodreads, or email any questions.
Want help with your social media or author campaign? Email me for info, rates, and references.
Related articles
Another Congressional Dumbass Thinks The Onion is Real [Politics] (jezebel.com)
Kindle Fire Review (thecheapreader.wordpress.com)
[image error] [image error]
February 7, 2012
WRITE YOUR OWN DAMN BOOK
aka THE D.I.A.L. STRATEGY FOR DEALING WITH CYBERBULLIES
I feel really fortunate that I'm in a career, finally, where I write whatever I want. Nobody is standing over my shoulder saying "Nope. You can't say that."
Well, there are people who say that, but we'll get to them in a minute.
I give my thoughts, opinions, curse, talk about sex, high heels, and well, be as much of a snarky bitch as I want. I even say "Hello, Mcfly," cause I think it's funny and I'm friends with one of the extras (now an author) from the movie. Sometimes I write difficult essays about my past. I do this because I'm a writer. And because I can.
I've written two books of essays, released them both this past year and am thrilled to say they've been well-received, are selling well, and one, The Mancode: Exposed, even made it into the Kindle Top 100 Paid the first week of January this year.
For the most part, the majority of my reviews are terrific. For the record, I don't have friends and family review my books. I don't even ask. Legitimate reviewers (book bloggers, book reviewers, even well-respected journalists, etc. — people I don't know and have never met) are giving their opinions. And of course, there are people who read the book and post reviews on their own.
I also get lots of people who don't like, no who hate what I write. Who judge me as I person, based on my writing. And that's cool. No really, it is.
I love that I've made them so hopping mad, so emotionally curled up into a little ball of fury that they write horrible, mean things about ME. That this redhead in a sea of blondes is the target of their vehement rants. Me, this chick that a year ago nobody had ever even heard of before.
It's awesome.
Now, I don't react to any of these reviews because A) it would be unprofessional and B) seriously, it's a waste of my time.
But wait. Is it?
As authors, we put ourselves out there and knowingly or not, are now targets of criticism. Reviews, from readers and reviewers, help others make buying decisions. Like it or not, you and your book are now a product. Most legit reviewers follow guidelines – checking for structure, flow, grammar, editing, formatting, proofreading, etc. while readers general give a gut feel to the work.
Unfortunately, there are also people who regularly give 1-stars for whatever reason. To protect their own favorite authors in some way, because they don't like you, indie backlash, who knows? Oftentimes, these folks haven't even read the book (notice it doesn't say 'Verified Purchase') and their reviews are often one line.
So, I've come up with what I call The D.I.A.L. Strategy for dealing with these 1-star reviews to help my author friends and readers separate helpful reviews from those that are perhaps just cyberbullies.
1) DEAL: One of my author friends says, STOP. Don't read anything under a 4-star. It's bad for the psyche. Another says it's toxic for your soul and it affects your confidence.
But, is it a waste of time to read them in the first place…really?
No. Listen, we put ourselves out there. Accept that people will hate you for whatever reason. Your hair color. Your eyes. Where you live. People hate that I mention a certain brand of shoes and say "baby."
So what? Deal with it. Man up.
I don't mean read it to let it get under your skin and crawl into a trembling hole of freaked out chocolate coma. Ok, well, do that if you must, but then get up and drink some coffee. It's good market research and demographic data, i.e., people who hate that I say "baby" are not people who will buy my next book.
Good to know. And oh well.
For any creative, should we heed our critics?
2) IGNORE. As a long-time sale rep (fifteen years), I had a proven track record of success. Won lots of awards, trips, bonuses, was promoted to the home office, blah blah. Had decent managers, one great one, several not so great. One not so great got in my car for our first ride-a-long and after our first call together said, "I don't see what the big deal is," and put me on performance improvement. (This was after I'd been chosen out of all the top senior reps in the region to work with the international head of the company and had a stellar day just weeks earlier.)
What she said didn't change a thing about my daily routine (except for a few more inane reports). I still exceeded my quotas and won more awards.
My point is this: everyone is a critic. People who dislike you and even people who think the world of you. Is that feedback helpful? Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
Ignore may seem antithetical to my other points but what I mean is don't let it eat at your soul. It is what it is. These people are not gods. Does their opinion matter that much if you don't even know who they are? Do you respect total strangers who are saying awful things about you? I know I don't.
3) ANALYZE Do I read it all? Yes. I learned, for example, that some people think #hashtags are #typos. People sometimes criticize or judge what they don't understand. So I added into my introduction an explanation of what hashtags are as well as a quick sentence on my Amazon page. (I even had to explain them to Amazon, but that's a whole other blog post.)
Someone else said I used cliché "Sex and the City" phrasing in all my essays, which made me laugh since I'm one of the few women who hated that show. Though I did use one example of Carrie in one essay. (And everyone knows she wore Blahniks and I love Prada.)
But that is useful information for future. At some point. Probably. Maybe?
4) LAUGH What many of these 1-stars write is so off the mark (and I'm not only talking about my books here; I'm very protective of my favorite authors and check their pages often), I often wonder if they read the book I wrote, or if we read the same author's book.
Clearly many of these folks are on a mission to leave poor reviews for authors that often have nothing at all to do with the content of the book itself. Notice, they are often a single line – a sure sign they haven't read the book at all.
I wrote last week that it's important authors (or any creative) surround ourselves with people who support us, but ultimately you have to trust your own voice and vision.
My overall feeling is this: don't take anything personally (bow to Don Miguel Ruiz).
Writing is an art. Words can be so lyrically beautiful they can make us cry. Or we can disagree in fury. Or laugh til our stomach hurts. Evoking any emotion is the point. Any author lives for that.
Hate me all you want – that's a pretty strong emotional reaction.
Thank you.
I'm writing my view, my experiences, my truth.
If you want to write your truth, write your own damn book.
Answer this: What's YOUR way of dealing with difficult reviews? Comment below, on Twitter, or Facebook. I LOVE comments, opinions, and polite discourse. If you don't want to be polite, go drink more coffee.
You should FOLLOW Rachel here, Twitter, Facebook, Goodreads, or email any questions.
Want help with your social media or author campaign? Email me for info, rates, and references.
Related articles
Life in Quotations; Featuring Rachel in the OC (kellieelmore.com)
Adventures in Self-Publishing, Chap. 10: How to Promote your Book (Part I) (consortiuminfo.org)
What Kind of Emotions Do You Want Your Readers to Feel? (and a Plea for Authors to Be Professional) (selfpubauthors.wordpress.com)
[image error] [image error]
