Rebecca Ilham's Blog, page 9

Caffeinated

Podgy & The Banker.
Today.

Is life a rehearsal?

The Rehearsal: A Novel by Eleanor Catton

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


Catton is my age, and she wrote this book when she was 25.
I wrote a novel too around the same time but have yet to emulate the act, let alone to win something as huge as the Booker for my non existent 2nd novel.

Anyway.

I have yet to decide what exactly I feel about this book. I like the technique even though at times I wasn't quite sure where was I and who was saying what. No wonder it's quite a slow read for me. Still, the technique just blown me away. I wonder if Catton wrote everything in chronological order then re-arranged the chapters.

However, one thing for sure, it posed the following points for myself to ponder:

- what's real?
- what's not (real)?
- if life's a rehearsal for what's next, then are we just actors or are those truly who we are?
- the concept of catharsis vs. the theater of cruelty: connections + necessities
- how far would we go to impose our secret dreams, unfulfilled desires on others?
- is it wrong to not like some people but by nature, they are just unlikeable?

It will take a while for me to decide.



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Liberated

Am missing the misty breath, white powder and snow angel.

These few days, I learned that liberation is that release of pressure in your chest when the cavity is no longer constricted by caring and worrying over things, matters and people that do not need to be cared for and worried about.

2013 has been very kind indeed.
Thus, 2014, I'll take you as you come.

Happy New Year :)

On Growing Up

Some beach on Pangkor Island, after some work-related bonding activities.
September 2012

Another growing up "milestone" is coming to term with the fact that your parents are suddenly ageing too fast for you to fathom the changes.

Out of the blue, they started going to regular check ups, out of the blue, they have medicine baskets that are always full to the brim, out of the blue, they have to go for detailed exams for one conditions after another.

These are your always strong, immune-to-sickness parents while raising you up.

You're not ready. But you have to.

Unraveled

A serene morning.
Lembang, Bandung; June 2013
Out of the blue, a complete stranger 'heals' you.
All of sudden, you start caring for that person.

You hope - when you know well that all hope is already lost - that it is out of gratitude.
Then you wonder - how can you be so easily unraveled, so soon?

That Happy Place

From the balcony of The Lexis, PD. November 2011.
I was a different person then, someone with less control of her life, her emotions.
Today's run: 8.11 km, 1:02:10.

Just when I was about to go out for the run, a close friend shared some annoying remarks (made by someone else). They ticked me off, and for the first 2 km, I was fuming with anger. As a result, breathing was erratic, and I was panting for air.

Then, something happened.

Instead of continuing being angry, I became more concerned about the next 6 km. There were double hills coming up after KM 3 too. I know I have to make the distance, but if I did not control my breathing, it is going to be an agonizing run.

With that, the anger just went poof. I was drafting a few of what I thought to be my wittiest, most sarcastic remarks ever, but as I covered one km after the other, I realized they do not matter anymore.

For I have found my happiness.

...I want to see you be brave*

Ran the Terry Fox Run 2013 for the second time after just getting the tee-shirts for the past two years.
As my previous run back in 2009, I was sponsored by the company I work for. Thank you, company, for the light breakfast, I didn't eat it until almost noon, when I found myself locked out of the house while my parents were away sending my sister back to her hostel.

Here is a photo taken by the volunteer photographer. With this, my running outfit is complete. Well maybe I can use a pair of compression socks :P And after much reading on how others do it, I decided from now on I will smile for the camera, no matter in how much pain I am at that time.

Credit to Elf's Photography

*Brave by Sara Bareilles

Humanities, are you still around?

At Least We Can Apologize by Lee Ki-Ho

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


A dark comedy that makes us question what the h*ll happened to humanities?

I like how innocent the story is put forth. The delicate issues of harsh treatments on and exploitation of mental patients, sexual violence, the thin barriers between love and dependency out of necessities are less vulgar when told by the main character's first person POV.

But what struck cord the most with me is the "lesson" on price of forgiveness.

It is never straight-forward, not really "an eye for an eye" kind of apology especially the the wronged party has chosen to forget the wrongs afflicted.

Thus I like to think of the story as something that allows both the characters and readers to pick up a thing or two about apologies and forgiveness. Sometimes, we seem to take them for granted.









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A Mother's Love, biological or not

The Hen Who Dreamed She Could Fly: A Novel by Sun-mi Hwang

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


A mother's love must be the only unconditional love there is.



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A Lovely Intermission

The simpler place and time that I left behind.
View from the travelator as I made my way to the boarding gate for flight to Houston, TX where the flight home awaited.
Denver International Airport, CO
June 2013


I am experiencing what could be called an intermission. It is usually taken in between two segments of a musical or theatrical performance, lasting around 15 to 20 minutes. While it can be regarded as delaying the end of the show, it is also necessary - to stretch the sore muscles that stood rigid for the past hour, to make that short trip to the loo, to sip that refreshing cool water, to check that latest Twitter updates...

When the time comes, it will be over. There is no way to change the rules. Then I will have to take my seat again, re-charged with new energy to take on the subsequent segment(s) of my life.

Thank you, my lovely intermission.


*Lovely Intermission is one of the tracks from Yuna's Nocturnal