Rebecca Ilham's Blog, page 4

Ultra Runner, Maybe

Photo credit to Team PACat
The punched bib and hard-earned medal

I have indeed been lazy in writing about my running adventure.

I did take a hiatus after my virgin FM for a 2-week break. Upon returning, one of my closest, dearest friend fell sick and passed away. I decided to drown my sorrow and grieve through running (I ran/raced in mornings after visiting the comatose friend in the ICU, and also the morning after his peaceful passing, barely able to contain my tears as memories flashed by the miles), and another sport I love - netball.

It was sports season at my place of work, and apparently in this new location that I have been transferred too, it was something that almost everyone took maybe a bit too seriously. I played my heart out during the inter-department netball tournament (my team was champion) and was selected to be a part of the company's netball team. The training was intensive - twice a day before and after work. Thus I figured it was a perfect cross-training.

The tournament took place on Wednesday (10th June) and Thursday (11th June). Our team emerged champion again, for 8th consecutive years. Then on Sunday, June 16th, I ran my first ultra run - Back 2 Endurance Run at the Perdana Botanical Garden.

My main aim for the run was purely for distance. I wanted to go all out and rake up the miles as I will not be running during Ramadhan. From my experience last year, I knew I will miss running a lot, thus I felt that I needed more than my regular LSD of 21 km before hanging up my running shoes for a month.

Besides that, I always had this apprehension about running loops. I found that it was mentally boring, and challenging. Thus this mental barrier is something that I need to break.

In the days leading to the run, I carbo-loaded well but then realized that I missed the bib collection date. The organizer assured us that the bib could still be cllected before the run thus that gae me a temporary relief. I was still worried and thoughts of chickening out did cross my mind. It has been a long while since I ran in KL thus I kept rehearsing the journey from Putrajaya to the Botanical Garden - must arrived before 6.30 am - in my mind.

Alhamdulillah, I made it to the starting point with ample time. It was raining when we started thus that sort of off-set my target pace. Actually, I wasn't sure how fast I should be running, since I had a lot to cover. Thus, I decided to try to keep each loop within 17 minutes. That did not really work, however. I kept getting slower so I resolved to just enjoy myself.

Finished half of may target distance (11 laps) in more or less three hours. I took an extended break after that, to stretch my glutes, took care of the gently forming blisters and to eat (gel, coffee, bread). I really liked that the organizer laid out one type of food after another, starting with light ones to more heavy options instead of piling them up in one go.

The break made me realized that if I want to finish with ample time to perform Zuhr prayer (I was soaking with sweat thus I NEEDED to shower) at home, I needed to eat while walking. Therefore, after each lap, apart from stopping for water, I would grab a banana or whatever handy and ate it while covering some slow distance. Then I would resume running. The only time I stopped again to eat was at 11 am, when lunch was served.

I gave myself the ultimatum to stop at 2 pm. I figured I could flag a taxi, get to to KL Sentral, catch the 2.30 pm train and reach home with time to clean up and pray. But I was ambitious - the hard part came after 30 km. It felt like forever to reach 40 km. I had an internal debate with myself to call it a day. I even came of with justifications (excuses were more like it) on why I could not meet my target.

But as the laps passed as I was silently contemplating to quit. And magically, as I hit KM 40, the self-helplessness dissolved.

Just. Like. That.

Now with only ~10 km to target, I was determined. You've got this, I told myself.

At this point, I could feel that my soles were hot, and there were humongous blisters on my pinkie toes. Not to mention my calves were screaming murder, and my thighs - tight. Therefore I had resolved to walk-run strategy. I walked for about a half of the lap, then started running about 1 km away from the start/finish point. Even though I kept walking more and more, I am proud to say that I had never failed to run this ~ 1 km stretch.

I finished my 22nd lap as the official clock displayed 7:57. It was 2.30 pm. I quickly made my way to the organizer's desk for my shirt and medal. Took one last sip of water/isotonic then disposed my #87 cup. Did I tell you that the organizer gave each participant a numbered cup for our usage throughout the day? How economical, and environmental-friendly too!

I took the time to take off the peeling band aids on the hot spots on my feet. The blisters were ugly, and painful. Changed into a pair of more comfortable shoes and clean set of clothes. Then I made my way home, in time for a well-deserved cold shower and Zuhr prayer.

Until today, more than a month after the run, I am still unsure of how I felt about it. Sure I love the fact that I survived the physical and mental challenges it posed. However, it did not feel real. Maybe because it was in loops, so I knew that I just need to make it to the start line, again and again and again.

Anyway, it was my last run before Ramadhan. I logged zero miles during the fasting months - my body, especially my knees, need a break asI have been working them hard for the past year. But two weeks after 1 Syawal, I have another ultra run coming. The course is much more hilly. My target distance is also 50 km, and the cut-off time is 9 hours. I would not call myself an ultra runner (yet), but maybe, one day I will be one.

Bring it on.

Cerpen "Rumah Baru Firma Besar" dalam BH 31 Mei 2015

Cerpen saya "Rumah Baru Firma Besar" disiarkan dalam Berita Harian hari ini.

Alhamdulillah. Cerpen ini sebenarnya tertangguh lama; ia ditulis sebaik sahaja menamatkan cerpen "Rumah" awal Mac lalu. Saya mempunyai misi yang jelas untuk menulisnya, namun proses yang tidak selancar, dan saya fikir tidak sejernih "rumah" menyebabkan saya meninggalkannya pada halam ke-5 atau ke-6, sebelum disambung semula baru-baru ini.

Berbanding "Rumah", cerpen ini tidak membongkar tentang sebuah rumah yang khusus, sebaliknya lebih bertumpu kepada 'firma besar' yang giat membina 'rumah-rumah baru' dengan jumlah yang banyak, lalu dijual pada harga yang tinggi.

Cerpen kedua yang bertemakan rumah ini secara peribadi saya rasanya kurang baik berbanding yang pertama. Ketika menulis yang pertama, saya sememangnya dipandu oleh imej visual yang jelas daripada majalah-majalah arkitekur dan bahan-bahan lain. Semua itu memudahkan penggaluran idea dari awal hingga ke akhir.

Namun "Rumah Baru", yang dimulakan dengan segera seusai yang pertama, sekadar mengutip sisa-sia monetum awal. Meski idea lengkap di dalam kepala, saya ketandusan kata-kata untuk minimalis mengungkapkannya. Justeru, ada ketikanya, saya menarik panjang bahagian-bahagian yang tidak perlu :(

Inshaallah, saya berazam untuk memperbaikinya dalam karya-karya seterusnya.

Selamat membaca, semoga bermanfaat.

No longer an FMV

I ran my first full marathon today.



The distance felt like it stretched forever, and made its half counterpart (a distance I am more familiar with) felt very short.

I was expecting it would be torturous, but what I did not count on was how solitary the distance was. A few times, I found myself alone along a long stretch of the course, with other runners either way in front of me or quite a distance behind me.

At that point I realized - it was the very reason why I run.

I enjoy my own company, and am comfortable being with and by myself. The day will come when I run with a partner but the decision will not be because I need one, or desperate for one, but because I choose to have one.

Okay, enough with sappy, serious reflection on the road.

Here is a story from this morning:



With Mr Chin.
When I started walking at KM37, he asked me to not stop running. "Come, you are a strong girl. Let's run."

I ran about 2km with him pacing at 7km/min. When we got to a flyover, he was faster and I could not catch up thus I told him to go ahead. I ran a bit then walked for about maybe 1.5 km. My goal was to make a finish line dash.

When I was sure that the finish line was about 1km away, I started running, fast. Looking at the watch (GPS has died), I knew I can get a sub-5:30. 

Just before turning into the stretch towards the finish arch, I met Mr Chin again.

"Eh, I caught up with you."
"I have no more energy in my legs. Started walking already."
"The end is so near. Let's make a run for it. We can get timing under 5:30."

With that, we started sprinting. We made a pact to finish together (this is our first marathon), and were joined by another runner who also started sprinting with us.

And we did it. 5:25.

Not too shabby for a first full marathon eh?

"Rumah" (Uchi); Mingguan Malaysia 8 Mac 2015

 "Rumah" was published in Mingguan Malaysia today.

It is a ritual for me to write the story behind each short story, and I usually did this is Bahasa Melayu. I have to admit that I think (and dream) predominantly in English, thus by forcing myself to write in BM once in a while, I hope to keep whatever little part on my brain dominated by my mothertongue intact.

So, let's switch, shall we? :)

Beberapa perkara tentang "Rumah":

1. Walaupun tajuk cerpen ini "Rumah", dalam kepala saya ianya "Uchi", yang bermaksud rumah atau "home" dalam Bahasa Jepun.

2. Saya sememangnya meminati seni bina moden Jepun (siapa yang tidak?)

3. Hujung tahun lalu, saya terbaca sebuah artikel (di Japan Times kalau tak salah), tentang rumah-rumah keluarga di Jepun yang diubahsuai setiap 25 tahun.

Agakan saya, selepas 25 tahun, apabila anak-anak sudah besar, ibu bapa yang sudah berusia tidak akan memerlukan ruang yang luas (mengikut piawaian Jepun) lagi. Mereka akan berpindah ke rumah yang lebih kecil dan menjual rumah keluarga, yang kemudiannya dibeli oleh keluarga yang lebih muda dan mempunyai anak kecil. Jarak masa 25 tahun tentunya mengubah estetik dan keperluan keluarga muda ini, maka proses pengubahsuaian berlaku.

3. Pada bulan Januari, sahabat yang berkursus sebentar di Kyoto membawa pulang beberapa naskhah majalah Casa Brutus yang dikirim. Salah satunya adalah edisi Februari 2015; tajuk fokusnya "My Home", dan ia memfokuskan tentang pengubahsuaian rumah di Jepun.


4. Saya kagum dengan proses pengubahsuaian rumah keluarga di sana yang sangat ekstensif, dan memberi jiwa baru TETAPI tidak mengubah struktur asal rumah.

5. Maka, idea asal untuk "Rumah" tercipta :)

#Misi30km

In conjuction of turning 30 sometime last week, decided to run 30 km on Thursday morning.
To be honest, it was a last minute decision. I was mulling over an ultra marathon event in a beautiful mountain town that I traveled to last year on Tuesday; almost registered but wanted to sleep on it first. Then I started a spreadsheet on the itinerary (well, I am an engineer after all), when I realized the distance (72 km) and elevation gain (about 1000 ft) are beyond my novice capability.

But that left me wanting to go the distance. Thus just before breakfast on Wednesday morning, it hit me hard - why don't I run my age? After all, I should do the distance later to prep myself for the upcoming maiden FM. Why not fast-forward it by a few weeks, then do it again three weeks (ideally) before the race itself?

Therefore, Wednesday saw me carbo-loading real well (nasi lemak for breakfast, nasi ayam penyet for lunch and nasi again for dinner). Hydrated religiously too. Planning, as usual, took place inside my mind. I figured that I would do the first 12km according to my 21.1 km LSD route a few weeks back, before running the core island loop. That would give me 22-ish km. Home stretch will give me another 8 km. Perfecto.

Fuel? I have two sachets of Gu energy gel purchased the day before. Hydration? I'll stop by konbinis or vending machine along the route. My hope was for the weather to be kind. But I was determined to finish the intended distance even if it was scorching hot like during my two previous LSD's.

Went to bed quite late - almost at midnight and woke up, guess what, at 5.15 am, thinking it was 6.15. Apparently I forgot to reset my Thursday alarm (thinking it was Saturday). Couldn't really doze off after that, the excitement and anticipation did get to me, even if this was only a self-supported LSD, meant for distance and endurance instead of timing/racing.

As usual, I started off my run around 7.15 am. The weather was kind. It had been raining at dawn, so the road and pavements were cool. Not to mention that there were clouds (!) in the skies! I made my way as planned. Made first stop for toilet break (ate a slice of wholemeal bread with peanut butter, a banana and drank some water before setting off) at KM6. Then:


Pit Stop 2: 9.46 km. 

 Pit Stop 3; 15.24 km.*finished off water*

Photo stop; 16.76km because can't resist the reflection

 Pit stop 4; 18.53 km. *finishing off 1st sachet of energy gel*

 Pit stop 5; 23.66 km.  *had to stop as haven't rehydrate since Pit Stop 3*

 Pit stop 6 = Pit stop 2; 25.57 km. *siap beramah mesra dengan adik2 di KR1M*

Made another toilet break at KM 26, then it was about heading home. Since I had a can of cold 100Plus before, I figured all the sugar would carry me through and there was no need to tear open another sachet of Gu. Tak elok pun makan energy gel banyak-banyak :P


 Home. Alhamdulillah, #Misi30km accomplished. 30 km for 30 years of age.
*watch died 1km from home. Assuming that I maintained the same pace, it's 3:45:ish for 30km*

There were a lot of learning and re-learning occurred during and post this special LSD's. Inshaallah, they will all go into my FM preps. One thing for sure, this distance had me wanting more! Bring. It. On.

Mengukuhkan Yang Asas: Jarak, Jarak, Jarak

Hari ini saya memulakan larian panjang hujung minggu dengan niat untuk mendapat jarak 21.1 km (separuh maraton). Setelah beberapa hujung minggu terpaksa berpuas hati dengan jarak lebih dekat kerana berlumba dan sebab-sebab lain, saya tidak senang duduk kerana kuota jarak tidak mencukupi.

Selain itu, saya juga ingin mencuba (break in) kasut baru. Terdetik juga barangkali sebaiknya kasut itu dicuba untuk jarak lebih dekat terlebih dahulu, seperti 8 km yang saya lakukan pada hari bekerja. Namun, kast berkenaan sememangnya model untuk jarak jauh, dan akan saya gunakan untuk LSD dan perlumbaan berjarak HM ke atas.

Namun saya punya keraguan. Dua hari lepas, larian 8 km pun sangat melelahkan. Nampaknya, setelah berjaya menambah jarak dan frekuensi larian setiap minggu, saya belum bersedia dengan peningkatan kelajuan. Justeru, tanpa perubahan kepada jadual rehat dan nutrisi yang sama, sistem saya belum dapat menerima kemajuan baru ini.

Sungguhpun begitu, sayang sekiranya pagi Ahad dibazirkan begitu saja. Saya mengingatkan diri banyak kali, ini bukan tentang kelajuan, tetapi jarak, jarak, jarak. Saya memerlukan LSD untuk membina stamina dan ketahanan (fizikal dan mental), juga untuk melatih sistem melakuakan glycogen-loading dengan lebih berkesan.

Dengan ingatan itu, saya memulakan langkah. Langkah-langkah dengan kasut baru ini mengejutkan saya. Kasut terasa berat, tetapi lebih stabil. Ia memaksa kaki saya mendarat pada midfoot tetapi derapnya agak kuat bunyinya. Bunyi itu mulanya mengganggu kerana saya melalui laluan pejalan kaki di sisi jalan yang belum sibuk, namun tidak begitu saya fikirkan kemudiannya. Pembentukan lepuh mula terasa sebelum 10 km lagi, namun masalah utama saya dengan kasut-kasut sebelum ini iaitu ibu jari kaki yang mampat apabila berlari jauh tidak terasa. Memang sengaja memilih 1/2 saiz lebih besar sebenarnya. Selepas larian, saya boleh mengesahkan bahawa masalah utama ini bukan masalah lagi!

Hari ini, langit pagi biru tanpa awan. Panas, tetapi berangin. Saya berlari dengan kelajuan lebih kurang 7:30/km sahaja. Mungkin kerana rentak yang perlahan, saya tidak terasa lapar sehingga 11 km. Maka berhenti untuk refuel (Gu Energy Gel + air) di KM 12. Refuel lagi di KM 16++ sebelum refuel terakhir di KM 19. Kali ini saya membuat keputusan untuk mencukupkan jarak sebelum melakukan "home stretch" pada 3 km terakhir. Bukan apa, dengan cuaca yang panas terik, dan kemungkinan kaki yang letih, saya tahu saya sendiri tidak akan bermotivasi untuk mencukupkan jarak pada saat-saat akhir.

Akhirnya, alhamdulillah, jarak penuh hari ini adalah 21.3 km :)

Reviu Buku Yang Pendek-Pendek

  Orang Kota Bharu by S. Othman Kelantan

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


Menyingkap pelbagai episod yang berlaku dan melibatkan orang Kota Bharu khususnya dan orang Kelantan umumnya sejak selepas Perang Dunia Ke-2 sehingga akhir dekad 1970-an.

Sebelum ini, beberapa serpihan kisah-kisah ini (bah besar 1967, darurat kerana pertelingkahan politik 1974, perpecahan UMNO-PAS, samseng Kota Bharu yang mengatuk orang dengan kapak bungkus dan binjai manis) ada saya dengar daripada orang tua sendiri dan senior-senior. Justeru, rakaman pelbagai peristiwa ini adalah satu dokumentasi yang mengujakan, kerana ia boleh dilihat sebagai gambaran sejarah sosial masyarakat Kota Bharu yang nostalgik tetapi penting untuk memahami jiwa dan corak kehidupan mereka.



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My rating: 4 of 5 stars


Seperti dijelaskan oleh pengarangnya, seperti namesake-nya "mawar", buku ini boleh dinikmati daripada pelbagai sudut. Sebagai pencinta buku, saya terkesan dengan perpustakaan rahsia berbentuk labyrinth, penyalinan manuskrip, penghasilan iluminasi dan debat tentang akses terhadap bahan bacaan kepada masyarakat awam.

Juga sebagai peminat Sherlock Holmes, turut menikmati teknik penyelesaian masalah secara deduksi.

Sungguhpun begitu, novel ini sebenarnya dilatari krisis dalam agama Kristian di Eropah pada awal kurun ke-14.



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No words

Hiroshima genbaku A-domeAutumn 2014

"This beautiful moment, may it linger."

Underestimation and Apologies

The infamous Togetsukyo Bridge in Arashiyama, outskirts of Kyoto city.23 October 2014.
I had my doubts.Would I be able to feel again, after my heart broke into pieces?
I did underestimate it, my heart, that is. After all, in the wise and beautiful words of Wislawa Szymborska:

Thank you, my heart:
you don't dawdle, you keep going
with no flattery or reward,
just from inborn diligence.

To fall head over heel for someone - the feelings, the routines are the same every time. Thus, I have to agree with Szymborska again:

My apologies to past loves for thinking that the latest is the first.

Laporan Panel Hakim HSPM 2013 tentang Hujan Hujung Januari

Berikut diperturunkan petikan laporan panel Hadiah Sastera Perdana Malaysia (HSPM) 2013 untuk kumpulan cerpen Hujan Hujung Januari. Laporan penuh boleh dibaca di sini.

Yang lalu, biarlah berlalu. Saya ingin menulis dengan lebih baik, inshaallah.

"Sebanyak 16 buah cerpen dalam kumpulan cerpen Hujan Hujung Januari menunjukkan  kekuatan dan keunikan tersendiri. Pengarang menonjolkan daya kreativiti mengungkapkan permasalahan global yang sebelum ini dipandang sepi oleh masyarakat sebagai isu yang signifikan untuk difikirkan. Melalui paparan sedemikian, pengarang memperlihatkan keperihatinannya terhadap isu-isu bersifat tempatan dan global, seperti isu kuasa besar Yahudi-Palestin, Amerika-Iraq, Rusia-Chechen dengan permasalahan kepupusan minyak, perbezaan budaya Jepun dan Islam, reformasi, dan keadilan gender. Semua persoalan ini diungkapkan dalam perspektif Islam.
Kebijaksanaan pengarang melihat isu tempatan sebagai sandaran kepada isu global menjadikan karya-karyanya terbentuk indah dalam dua situasi dan dua latar berbeza dalam  dialog wacana yang mengungkapkan suatu pemikiran yang tinggi. Pada cerpen “Ligamen Luka di Timur Tengah” umpamanya terolah kisah tentang pembedahan ligamen lutut yang bakal dijalani watak Sufiyah. Namun, kisah ini keseluruhannya berlaku dalam dialog watak-watak yang memaparkan keperitan umat Islam di Palestin yang dirodok oleh Zionis, iaitu melalui dialog antara ayah dan Sufiyah. Bentuk pengolahan seperti ini menjadi semakin menarik apabila persoalan dan pemikiran dilihat secara saintifik dan berasaskan pengalaman dan kajian mendalam penulis. Pengetahuan dan pemikiran yang ditonjolkan pengarang memaparkan kerajinan beliau menelaah setiap subjek yang dijadikan wacana dalam karya beliau.
Teknik pengolahan yang digunakan pengarang ternyata tidak lagi bersifat konvensional. Struktur cerita yang dikemukakan menolak plot yang biasa digunakan oleh kebanyakan pengarang cerpen sebelum ini, sebaliknya dikemukakan dalam satu situasi yang sarat dengan dialog. Melalui dialog dan aksi watak-wataknya, ditimbulkan cerita dan persoalan. Contohnya terlihat pada cerpen “Dialog Subuh”, cerpen ini dikemukakan dalam situasi berdialog yang berlaku ketika watak suami, Nazri dan isteri, Husna menanti waktu subuh. Dalam keadaan itu, mereka berdialog tentang isu kepupusan minyak mentah yang dikaitkan dengan surah-surah tertentu yang terkandung dalam al-Quran. Ini sekali gus menunjukkan keupayaan pengarang menguasai persoalan yang menyentuh isu-isu material dan spiritual.
Cerpen-cerpen dalam kumpulan ini turut menonjolkan nilai keislaman yang utuh. Cerpen-cerpen seperti “Dialog Subuh”, “Momiji Musim Rontok”, “Antara Dua Kaligrafi”, “Bentuk dan Makna” serta “Madihah-Medea” mengangkat wacana keislaman yang beracuankan Malaysia. Contohnya, dalam cerpen “Bentuk dan Makna” dan “Antara Dua Kaligrafi”, pengarang membandingkan seni dan warisan Islam dan mengangkat nilai seni Islam yang dibentuk di Nusantara.
Kekuatan lain yang turut ketara pada cerpen-cerpen dalam buku ini ialah pemakaian gaya bahasa. Hampir keseluruhan cerpen dibentuk dengan struktur ayat-ayat yang bersifat segar, puitis dan bertenaga. Dalam cerpen “Seribu Burung Jenjang” contohnya, pelukisan yang menggambarkan suasana di Pulau Miyajima, pengarang menggunakan ayat seperti yang berikut “Bayu laut di Pulau Miyajima berpuput, enak menggelinjang serata epidermis yang terdedah. Saya memicingkan mata yang dipanah rembang senja, namun gagah menoleh punca cahaya”. Selain daripada itu, keindahan bahasa Rebecca Ihlam tergambar melalui penggunaan metafora perubatan, minyak, mitos dan lambang-lambang ironi dalam setiap pembinaan naratifnya."