Sawyer Paul's Blog, page 43

Phantom Thread

Phantom Thread reminded me of my own stories. Somewhat unlikeable characters who fall in love and ruin one another in new ways, mostly with one-on-one conversations? That’s where I’m a Viking.

Phantom Thread is probably going to be a lot better on the second or third viewing. I wonder if my books are like that. You finish them the first time and you’re like “what?” And then maybe on the next go around you find the bits that work for you and it’s a little better. Or put more simply, the more I think about Phantom Thread, the more I like it. I hope people think about my work like that.

Comparing a production like Phantom Thread, with a cabal of seasoned professionals doing very good work, to my own self published and little-read work is super egotistical, sure, but it actually isn’t all that often I watch or read something that reminds me of my work. Phantom Thread is kind of like if my books were better.

I wonder if they love their movie. I mean, that might be something I should be asking of my own work? Do I love my finished work? I don’t know. I have my favourites. I poured so much into Skypunch and I know it’s a failed book but I still look at some scenes and think it’s my best thing. Kate in No Chinook is my favourite creation. I wanted more of her and that’s how Skypunch happened. Tess and Bret in Record Year, I’m still in love with them. But for the most part, I just see where things could be better. I’m hard on myself. Phantom Thread proposes that probably everybody is.

But at least I take my girl out on New Years.

Morning Pages March 07, 2018

Walt and I sat there as three girls came up to us and dropped their coats down on the table we were sitting on. I knew all of them. Olive, Patricia, and Lucy were pretty inseparable. I think they were all a thing.

“God these dances are the worst,” Lucy said. “I’m gonna get high as fuck. Hey Walt. Hall.”

Olive and Patricia gave polite nods and followed Lucy to the smokers’ exit.

“I want to get high with Lucy,” Walt said.

“He wants something,” I said. “That’s new.”

“What do you want?” Walt asked.

“My whole life is tied up with her,” I said to Walt.

“But what do you want?”

He shifted on the table. A song began to play I knew Fourth would like. I wanted to dance. I wanted everything to be okay. This night was beginning awkwardly, if predictably. Banks would usually split for a bit and dance with her other friends. We’d hook back up a few songs later.

“I want tonight to go so well she’ll love me forever,” I said.

Walt paused. “I think you’re being a bit dramatic, but I’m not actually sure if you ever haven’t been, so maybe this is all normal.”

“I should give her a promise ring,” I said.

“You should not,” Walt said. “Promise rings are for Christian dorks when they’re 14. You’re 18, and an Atheist. Your people just live together, write “common law” on your taxes, and then die quietly.”

Two hundred late adolescents in one small room with minimal ventilation, all wondering and worrying that this is the last day of everything they’ve known. Cliques and friendships and loyalties and teammates, all set loose. Some of us would stay close, but most wouldn’t. Most people move away. Most people go to different colleges, if they go at all. Today was the last day we’d exist like this.

“Take it down a notch,” Walt snapped me out of it. “I can see you over dramatizing in your head.”

Morning Pages

Walt and I sat there as three girls came up to us and dropped their coats down on the table we were sitting on. I knew all of them. Olive, Patricia, and Lucy were pretty inseparable. I think they were all a thing.

“God these dances are the worst,” Lucy said. “I’m gonna get high as fuck. Hey Walt. Hall.”

Olive and Patricia gave polite nods and followed Lucy to the smokers’ exit.

“I want to get high with Lucy,” Walt said.

“He wants something,” I said. “That’s new.”

“What do you want?” Walt asked.

“My whole life is tied up with her,” I said to Walt.

“But what do you want?”

He shifted on the table. A song began to play I knew Fourth would like. I wanted to dance. I wanted everything to be okay. This night was beginning awkwardly, if predictably. Banks would usually split for a bit and dance with her other friends. We’d hook back up a few songs later.

“I want tonight to go so well she’ll love me forever,” I said.

Walt paused. “I think you’re being a bit dramatic, but I’m not actually sure if you ever haven’t been, so maybe this is all normal.”

“I should give her a promise ring,” I said.

“You should not,” Walt said. “Promise rings are for Christian dorks when they’re 14. You’re 18, and an Atheist. Your people just live together, write “common law” on your taxes, and then die quietly.”

Two hundred late adolescents in one small room with minimal ventilation, all wondering and worrying that this is the last day of everything they’ve known. Cliques and friendships and loyalties and teammates, all set loose. Some of us would stay close, but most wouldn’t. Most people move away. Most people go to different colleges, if they go at all. Today was the last day we’d exist like this.

“Take it down a notch,” Walt snapped me out of it. “I can see you over dramatizing in your head.”

Input Methods 1

I write differently on my phone than I do on my portable keyboard or full laptop. This has to be true for everybody. If Shelley wrote using an Alphasmart 3000, I have to think Frankenstein would have had a few different sentences. I do wonder why it is. I haven’t read an article about this lately or anything. It’s just something I’ve noticed about myself. Even though I have Scrivener for iOS, I find myself hesitant to produce for the book itself on my phone.

What is a nice hack for that is a little Microsoft Bluetooth keyboard I carry around in my backpack. If I can find a flat surface, I can open up this thing, place my phone down and type at normal speed. But is it the speed that makes the difference? Is it the sitting? Is it that I have a tiny phone and not a big one? Thumbs vs all ten fingers? Is it so hard to actually work on the book while getting knocked around by shoulder bags on the subway? I thought I wanted this.

I’ll probably come back to this another time.

Morning Pages

“My whole life is tied up with her,” I said to Walt.

He shifted on the table. A song I knew Fourth would like began to play. I wanted to dance. I wanted everything to be okay. This night was beginning awkwardly, if predictably. Banks would usually split for a bit and dance with her other friends. We’d hook back up a few songs later.

“I think you’re being a bit dramatic, but I’m not actually sure if you ever haven’t been, so” he paused. “Maybe this is all normal.”

“I should give her a promise ring,” I said.

“No, you should not do that,” Walt said. “Promise rings are for Christian dorks when they’re 14. You’re 18, and an Atheist. Your people just live together and write “common law” on your taxes and then die quietly.”

Cura

I wrote a lot this morning but it was all very personal stuff that isn’t for the book and isn’t something I can put here, so instead I’ll just share this semi-weekly playlist I make on Spotify that’s also deeply personal. I’m having that kind of day I guess.

Cura is a mid-level spell in Final Fantasy, the kind that heals your character a little bit more than just a regular Cure. It’s fucking dorky but it’s also exactly what this playlist is going for.

You can subscribe to this playlist, and it’ll auto-update with new songs every few weeks. Save the ones that break your heart.

I Know Your Real Name Now - Notes on Chapter 2

If you’re interested in reading first drafts of this story as I write it, let me know and I’ll send you individual chapters. Sometimes my “morning pages” make it into the drafts, and sometimes they don’t, so send me an email or tweet if you want longer drafts. Chapter 2 will be ready in a few days, and I wanted to get some notes down here.

If you don’t want to know anything about the plot or the book itself, definitely skip this post.

So, I posted about each character a few weeks ago, but I didn’t really explain what actually happens in chapter 1. To sum up: there are four characters in the story, and they’re on the way to the last dance in high school. In chapter 2, they enter the dance and immediately separate. So, in chapter 1 you get the rapport between the four characters, and in the second chapter you see them on their own, with different friends.

Fourth runs off first and finds her friend Jillian. They talk about the music at the dance and how to sway the DJ to playing songs they want.
Ram finds her wrestling team friends. There are four of them.
Banks finds two of her friends, and they are both supportive and present, as a contrast to how the general atomosphere was between her and Hall in chapter 1.
Hall is left alone, and before he can follow Banks, is met with Walt, his incredibly sarcastic and negative friend, who likes to sit back and just make fun of things.

Not much happens in chapter 2 either. It’s equal parts a “World building” chapter by adding some new characters and showing off the setting in the first third of this book, as well as a way to move the pieces into place for chapter 3. Chapter 3 is where the big thing happens that fuels the entire act.

I want some Hi-C now.

Little Hacks for Phone Addiction

One goal I’ve had this year is to feel a little bit more in control of my life. I have no zen aspirations here. I’m not trying to find my truth. I’m just trying to not float through each day as much. Sometimes a month will go by and I’ll be like, what? I’d like less of that. I’ve been trying different things to see if they work. Last month, I did a little life-logging to see if that would change any of my behaviours (nope). In January, I used a physical notebook for daily notes, lists, and a running “how are you doing though” kind of thing. It’s been working well, and I’ll write more about that later. This month, I want to try working on my phone habits.

I’m not the only person doing this. I see major publications wrestling with this issue a lot. We’re addicted to these things because they’re designed to be addictive. I’ve always been pretty bad at spending too much passive time on my phone. So, for the next month, I’ll try changing three iPhone features/habits to see if it helps.

Reduce notifications to the essential - based on How Tiny Red Dots Took Over Your Life:

They don’t so much inform us or guide us as correct us: You’re looking there, but you should be looking here. They’re a lawn that must be mowed. Boils that must be lanced, or at least scabs that itch to be picked.

I looked through my notifications, and did a lot of flip switching while thinking “is this from a person (not a robot) actually trying to reach me specifically right now?” If the answer to that was no, I turned off the notification. I think this is the habit that will stick most.

Reduce the casino-level addictive qualities of the iPhone - based on Is the Answer to Phone Addiction a Worse Phone?:

After going to grayscale, I’m not a different person all of a sudden, but I feel more in control of my phone, which now looks like a tool rather than a toy. If I unlock it to write an email, I’m a little less likely to forget the goal and tap on Instagram. If I’m waiting in line for coffee, this gray slab is not as delightful a distraction as it once was.

I fired up my Lumia 800 and 1020 last weekend and was reminded how calming I found the experience of Windows Phone. But then I remembered how little the phone actually did (it never had the same feature set as iOS or Android, but so many services have been killed off by Microsoft over time). Switching back isn’t a realistic option in 2018, but I’ve always found the iPhone a little too colourful and distracting. There was no excitement in using a Windows Phone (perhaps one reason it didn’t take off) but it did not give me the feeling I’d been at a slot machine. Maybe eliminating some of the “candy” of the iPhone will help.

So I followed the guide and figured out how to make “Color Filters” fire when I triple-clicked the home button. Doing do bled the colours away from my iPhone. If you’re going to do this, I would also recommend turning on “Darken Colors” and “Reduce Transparency” in settings. An iPhone in black and white is nothing like the slick black backgrounds of my Lumias; there is so much grey all over the iPhone, and nothing sticks out. But this is the point of this experiment. Make the phone less exciting, and maybe your eyes will stop yearning for the blue light. I’ve only been doing this for a few days, so I don’t know if it’ll stick.

Put a wall between you and the addictive stuff - based on Plant A Tree And Get On With Your Life:

All life hacks are a little sad, ok? … but desperate, techno-dystopian times call for desperate, techno-dystopian measures! And it WORKS. I plant a tree, set the timer, and suddenly my phone is untouchable, an art project, a game I win by forgetting I’m playing. The day—at least for the next two hours—is mine.

I downloaded this app two weeks ago and it’s nicely slid into my daily habit. Whenever I feel I’m on my phone and don’t need to be, I start a timer in the app and put the phone away. I am surprised how often I’ve picked up the phone while the timer is still running, but it’s proving the whole point: I’m on this thing too much.

This app also has a Chrome extension that works in a way I always wanted out of a chrome distraction app. If you go to, say, Twitter, while the timer is running, a black overlay appears with the timer and the digital tree that will die if you stay on the tab. It’s just enough to put me back to work. I hope this habit holds up, but I worry I’ll just slide back.

Favourite Link Blogs

Yesterday on my blog I said:

My ratio of joy in following blog links is so much higher than following social media links.

There’s something awesome to carefully curating a list of links to share with other people. It’s also a nice product to have at the end of all your own browsing and consuming, as if to say, “this is what I’m going to keep from all that.”

For years, my favourite link bloggers have all been women. I don’t know why, but that’s how it’s shaken out. Here’s my current list:

Tina Roth Eisenberg’s Friday Link Pack
Jessica Stanley’s Read look Think
Imp Kerr’s New Shelton Wed Dry & Triple Decker Weekly (I can’t believe she does two of these)

Small b Blogging

I read Om Malik’s blog, and I really liked this post, partially because small, personal writing is exactly what I’m trying to do here. I like his “micropub” idea a lot. But how did I find Malik in the first place? Maybe all likelihood, I found him through another blog linking to him. Individual, interesting people sharing their ideas on the internet about other individual people’s ideas.

In fact, this blog I just linked is a great example of this process. Malik was responding to a blog he liked specifially about “small b blogging” by Tom Critchlow, which was the next thing I read (and liked.) Before I could even finish the article, Critchlow linked to the essay that inspired his post, “The Calculus of Grit”, which is lengthy, but is has some excellent writing advice:

Everybody writes. People who are trying to walk the path towards mastery rewrite.

There’s two lessons to take here: reading blogs that link to other blogs (and you, the reader, following those links to new places) will sometimes lead you to awesome stuff you simply wouldn’t have found otherwise. My ratio of joy in following blog links is so much higher than following social media links. It always has been, but in the last ten years it’s a lesson I’ve forgotten.

The other lesson is to blog your ideas enough that you then reference them, grow them, and (hopefully) become a better writer.

I know all this sounds pedantic, but I’m sorta just re-starting this (individual and hopefully interesting) blog and sometimes a simple idea has to get put down before a better one grows on top of it.

First Bike Ride of the Year

I lost my water bottle. I have no idea when it happened, but when I looked back, it was gone. It must have bounced out somewhere. I hope it didn’t mess up anyone else’s commute. I do have a horror show happening in my brain about it lodging underneath some poor driver’s chasis and causing thousands of dollars of damage.

Other than that nightmare haunting me all day, I had a pretty good first bike ride of the year! I got this fella for Christmas and it helped keep me warm.

Morning Pages

Nothing today. I biked to work!