Tremayne Moore's Blog, page 3

Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 9 - Abuse & Destructive Words)

I was getting ready to go workout, and I stumbled across this episode of Judge Mathis on TV. I do need to issue a TRIGGER WARNINGbecause some words will be said that might create triggers and I want to be sensitive to wherever you are in your journey to healing; if you haven’t started, I pray that this post will encourage you to start your journey to healing. Here’s a YouTube clip that personifies how destructive words can be to someone who was abused and/or neglected.  It really heats up around 1:50 till the end.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGM6kZMvkWw

If you were not able to view it, that’s ok. Since I saw it from the beginning, let me catch you up to the point where the clip begins: the mother filed a lawsuit against the daughter (the defendant) and the daughter files a counterclaim for emotional distress. The daughter testified that she told her mother about the abuse, but she was beaten with an extension cord and was told to not bring it up again. So, the daughter kept that inside until she was older. Because the daughter never addressed her pain, she ended up on drugs and her mother took care of her daughter’s kids as a result.
Here’s what stood out to me within the clip: Daughter: I have a letter from my doctor; I have the text message (from my mother) of how I enjoy being molested.
Judge Mathis (to the mother): You didn’t say anything about her enjoying being molested. Read where it says she enjoyed being molested. This is the worst thing I’ve heard in 17 years! The doctor says this: this letter to remind you (the daughter) that you have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) due to the catastrophic experiences you have encountered in your life especially when you were a defenseless child. You are currently having an exasperation of this disorder after about 5 years of stability. The most likely reason for your decompensation is the manner you were reminded of your past by the person who had the responsibility of protecting you from harm.
Mother (reading the text message): I didn’t find out nothing about you or anybody until you were an adult. That’s why I said that you must’ve liked it because you kept going over there.
I don’t know about you, but for a mother to tell a child, “you must’ve liked it because you kept going over there,” is a slap in the child’s face. I can’t speak for other abuse survivors, but I can definitely say this (as an abuse survivor): I didn’t like the abuse (well, eventually I became numb to it because no one was going to protect me because of the grooming), but I also knew that I had no choice in the matter because my voice didn’t matter. The more I think about it, I told my parents the whole story when I was 22, and the response was, “why didn’t you say something then?” My response was, “would you have believed me, and besides, I had a choice, be beat up by my uncle who was bigger than me and good for making me pay for the mistakes he made as well as my own, or receive the belt from you.” It’s been said that the moment your abuse occurred and no help was provided, can actually have you stuck at the age when the abuse occurred. See the blogpost that was released 8/7/16 on Loss of Childhood.
I need to talk specifically to the AA community (since we’re real good at denying things, and holding dearly to the philosophy “what goes on in the house, stays in the house”): When you deny that your child is being abused, or you neglect their care when you know they are being abused, your actions truly speak louder than words. When you put a spiritual band-aid over someone who’s been abused (telling them they are healed and cursed are they if they seek help – yes, I know that generations past were great at keeping things inside the house), that root of hurt will fester into anger, rage, bitterness, and don’t be surprised if the child (now an adult) acts up and ends up in a world of trouble, if not dead mentally, physically, spiritually or emotionally.  One more thing, we should never curse someone or tell them to deny that they are suffering from a disorder especially if they have been through something traumatic (and never had a support group to help them heal, or never sought professional help). And yes, there is nothing wrong with seeking professional help, so can we please come off of your religious pedestal for a moment? If the truth be told, and the truth should be told, we all have something that we’re dealing with – we’re not immune to what’s going on in this world. We should be able to support each other, fight for each other’s healing, encourage them to heal (seeking help if needed as well as spiritual counseling, praying healing scriptures) and not live in denial. We’re all in this together. Thank you, now to continue with this post.
Unfortunately, for many who have been abused (even though this is really addressing child sexual abuse, but I can also say for many who have been abused of any type and regardless if it occurred in childhood or adulthood), they end up with PTSD. Other disorders that could occur are BPD (borderline personality disorder), Bipolar, DID (dissociative identity disorder – I would encourage you to be tested for this if your abuse occurred under the age of 6) or even worse Schizophrenia (whether mild or full-blown).
Since this blogpost is about abuse and the power of destructive words, let’s really talk about this.
The mother on Judge Mathis had the unmitigated gall to say, “You must’ve liked it…” Regardless of where the daughter was on her road to healing, those words spoken were destructive and spoke death over her daughter. If you read between the lines, the mother was saying, “I don’t give a ____ about you, whatever happens to you will happen.” Granted, the mother might have had her own demons to fight, but the mother has a responsibility to the child to nurture and protect – and listen to the child when they say they’re molested, and not beat them with an extension cord saying, “they’re lying.” Telling a child “they’re lying,” are destructive words to the child (especially if they’re telling the truth).
Here are some examples of words or phrases that are destructive to someone who has suffered abuse or neglect:There’s nothing wrong with youHe or she is just acting out and wanting attentionWhy are you lying? I will punish you for your lies (your molester would never do that to you)

I just wanted to give you a few, I’m sure those of you who are reading can come up with much more.  Here are some things that I had to hear during my childhood after my abuse:Because you don’t have a girlfriend, you are a homosexual (male relative)I understand you’re trying to be religious, but you need to be out there with the women (male relative)The way you act around the house, you will never make it through basic training (female relative)The way you act around the house, you aren’t fit for college dorm life (female relative)Look at your clothes; they’re cheap (male relative - paraphrase)The reason why your collarbones stick out is because you have AIDS (classmate in 7th grade)
What I wanted to say to the male relative at the time who made the first two remarks was that I knew a lot more than he thought, and there were a few women in school that I thought were attractive that I would’ve wanted to hit it and quit it. Two buffers were in place: 1-most of the girls in school thought I was goofy and immature (mainly because I was acting out as a result of the abuse – which they knew and did their best to stay away from me) and 2-the grace of God. I believe He stopped it so that I wouldn’t damage not only their life, but mine considering I had experience with a female relative to the point where I knew as much as someone in an X-rated movie. Now my parents didn’t know about that incident at the time – and I’m glad they didn’t because I probably wouldn’t have been alive today. In response to the female relative (knowing that I couldn’t talk back to this particular relative), I enlisted in the military to 1-prove that I can make it on my own (that would come with a set of problems, which I’m addressing now in my 40s) and 2-fulfill the dream that was inside my heart when I was in high school (I was not about to let her words destroy the future that was inside my heart). To the male relative (who talked about my clothes), that was the uncle who molested me (he put me through hell between ages 8-14, and most of what came out of his mouth towards me was destructive). The backlash to my uncle’s words for me was that it created a rage inside of me (with no place to release it – except school). I was angry, bitter, and I kept it all inside. So to cut people with words if they wanted to hurt me was the norm (and a form of protection – note, I had an epiphany at 16, which I believe God was making me realize that I can’t continue to live my life like this). Believe me when I say that I was willing to defend myself at all costs (and I vowed as I got older to defend the woman I marry – off subject: many women see me as such a sweetheart, and probably assume that I don’t carry the trait that I will defend a woman if needed; don’t get it twisted, I will gladly defend and fight for my wife and beside my wife to the death if the situation warrants it – never against her).  The classmate in 7th grade gave me a crash course of AIDS; however, her words could’ve crushed my chance at life – knowing that once you end up with AIDS, your life for the most part is over.
Now I don’t want to make any excuse for the destructive words I may have said to people during my teen years and in adulthood. Some of them came from a place of hurt, and the remainder was out of pure ignorance. So, if you were the recipient of any words that were destructive to your ears, I ask for your forgiveness.
Can we be healed from destructive words? Absolutely! Once we realize the life and death are in the power of the tongue, we won’t harm others or ourselves. Healing is the children’s bread, and I hope you stand with me as we are on the path to wholeness.
Here’s an example of positive words that will assist in your healing process. Using Proverbs 12:18 as an example, a confession can be made from this verse that speaks life to the body.Proverbs 12:18 – Thoughtless words can wound as deeply as any sword, but wisely spoken words can heal. Confession: My tongue makes me well. I have what I say. I say, The Lord is my Healer. I say, He takes sickness away from me. I say, No plague can come nigh my dwelling. I say, He healeth all my diseases. What I confess, I possess. My words make me well. There is healing power in my words, for they are God’s Words. I speak health to every muscle, tissue, fiber, and cell in my body. I release God’s healing power with my words into my whole body. Healing is mine!

Blessings,

The Mayne Man

Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 8 - Loss of Childhood)

This past Thursday night, I was leaving a meeting and someone said to me three words, “loss of childhood.” My initial thought was the late and the great, Michael Jackson. I’ll talk about him in just a moment. But at the same time, I had to ask myself, “did I lose my childhood? Is this the cause of the pain that’s in my heart that has caused people throughout my life to say I’m goofy, immature and a whole host of other words that are degrading?” Before talking about my life, let’s look at Michael Jackson’s life for a moment. Despite how the media strove to demonize him and to give them what they wanted, music, drama and stories that would generate attention for their gain and his loss, his childhood was far from perfect.
This is an excerpt from the following articles: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/michael_jackson_lost_childhood.htmlhttps://sites.jmu.edu/103fall14/mj-draft/
As the world learned, however, was that Michael Jackson had a dark side that involved child abuse, neglect, and accusations of child molestation. You find can an entire populace of people with similar history in prison.
It wasn’t enough that Michael suffered a lost childhood. He was never allowed to be own person. His spirit was never free. Instead, his life became a tool for others to make profit of his enormous talent. His father, Joe Jackson, was not a successful man on his own by any means. He was a steel worker during the day, hardly carrying enough change in his pockets for lunch.
To his credit, however, Joe Jackson was a driven man. He played in a band and was a talented guitarist. Perhaps he had dreamsplaying for record label, but fell victim to the circumstances in his day: poverty, racism, and missed opportunities.
To some, growing old and not fulfilling your lifelong dream is intolerable. Joe Jackson may not have wanted any of that. So, his kids became the pawns for his success. According the Michael and his sister LaToya, Joe Jackson was a tyrant with an iron fist. He ran the household with fear, intimidation, and complete lack of concern about his children’s feelings.
Which Michael at the realm, the Jackson 5 attracted television and record deals. Before they became famous, they would play in small clubs and bars, exposing the underage boys to bar violence, nudity, and alcohol. But their father didn’t care. He would subject his children to anything, good or bad, to achieve fame and fortune. Like many child stars, however, Michael was forced into world that God never meant for children. Michael never experienced a childhood. He was busy making money for his family and for the record labels. He was a moneymaker. Despite the claims from those who say they loved him and showed genuine concern, he was a music moneymaking machine. The self-worth was solely based on that. If he stopped producing, they stopped caring.
When he was 20 years old, Off The Wall was released. Most people at this age are in college, partying, studying for college exams, or thinking of their careers. Michael remained what he was since he was 10, a money making machine. Not a man with feelings, not a man with a spirit, and a human being. He was a money-making machine, the darling of the media, a man with billions of dollars, yet no life.
It’s just human nature to make up for lost experience. It not unusual for teenage moms, as soon as their children are grown, to dress up in sexy garbs, hang out at bars, and date younger men.
Michael’s inner demons were not demons. They were yearnings (yearnings to have the God given right to a normal childhood).
Now many would say, he should’ve gotten over it or he was mature enough to do the things he should do to heal. Well, it’s easier said than done (especially if you don’t have the right support system – and the media will 90% of the time fail at being a support system). Knowing that the devil is the ruler of this world, he will steal your life, kill your life and destroy your life (John 10:10a). And sadly, this was the case for Michael Jackson. Many of you reading this can identify some areas of your life that mirror his. Personally, I grew up to Michael’s music and he is a gifted songwriter (especially with songs that were focused on healing the world).
Before I share a little bit about my life, let me say this first and foremost. Healing is the children’s bread (in other words, we have a right to be healed – but it will require our part). Check out this excerpt about Michael’s childhood:
Michael Jackson was one of the biggest child stars of his time. Many people adored him because he was such a great presence on stage and moved like no one could. He always seemed so happy and carefree on stage, like a child should be. But that was only a facade. Michael was not a happy child. By the time he was 9, it was almost like he was an adult in a child’s body. He would be in school for about three hours a day and then it was straight to recording or interviews or performances. He had no time to be a kid, no time to play or relax, no other friends except for his other siblings. He was lonely, but his father didn’t care, he overworked Michael. Michael would cry from loneliness and become depressed. He would see other children playing and having fun, while he was on his way to the recording studio or rehearsal. There was just no time for Michael to be a real kid.
As Michael Jackson grew up his fame and success skyrocketed. He was eventually able to escape his father’s abusive grasp and become an extremely successful solo recording artist. But as he grew up he began to reach out to the childhood that he lost. Many people judged Michael because he always acted so childish when he grew up. But he was trying to make up for the time he lost. He always loved children because he saw purity and innocence in them and something magical. He loved their imaginations and curiosity. He loved their ability to dream and he drew from this as inspiration. Many people, mainly the press, alleged that he was doing inappropriate, impure things with children. They said that he would have sex and abuse other children. The lines are still blurred on these allegations. But one thing is for sure, if Michael did any of the things held against him, it was because of his messed up childhood.
If only people had understood what he went through and truly understood who he was, then maybe they wouldn’t have made his life so difficult. He changed his face because his father called him ugly when he was a child. He hung around with kids because he never got to play with other kids when he was young. He acted childish and silly when he was older because he never got to when he was a child. His childhood affected him so much and all he wanted to do was make up for lost time. People that don’t know Michael Jackson only judge him based off of what they heard from the media. But most people have no clue what he went through, the emotional and physical turmoil. If only people took the time to learn about him and learn to appreciate what he contributed during his lifetime instead of his mistakes, then maybe they would stop judging him or making fun of him. He was a great man and the whole world should know. It’s not his fault his childhood was so broken.
Sometimes we can be so wrapped up in self that we still opt to blame Michael (and people who suffered under the hand of abuse, neglect) for all that they endured (and that they should have gotten over it). If there was no support group around (or you grew up in a community where the philosophy was “what goes on in the house, stays in the house”), there’s a slim chance that you will get the support and help you need. So, what happens, you end up resorting to destructive means to cope (even if you know that it’s not going to benefit you).
There are certain parts of Michael’s story that I’m able to relate to. And I’ll share right now.
When I was eight years old, life became different for me. I went from being an introvert with Aspergers to an introvert trying to survive. Between the ages of eight and fourteen, I was thrust into adulthood in certain areas, but at the same time, my childhood was stunted as a result of the abuse (verbal, emotional, physical and sexual), bullying and neglect. Many of you know the story about what my uncle did to me, but there’s one aspect of my abuse where one of my abusers was a female relative. Now watch what I’m about to say. Even though she initiated, it wasn’t a one-time thing. I remember my mother asking me 10-11 years after this period, “what did I know at 11 years old.” My response was, “well, if I was in the kitchen with her going from head to toe for about 45 minutes to an hour, apparently I knew what I was doing.” I made a reference to it in my blogpost PCA about being exposed to pornographic movies by my uncle (who molested me) at the age of 11. My response after seeing it was simply, “been there, done that.” As I think about it now, I knew a lot more than I realized.
Anyway, I faced many of the same ridicules and struggles that Michael did (and I’m sure many others who have lost their childhood could say the same).  I’ll list as many struggles that I have seen since the time of my abuse as I can.
Unusually high level of anger/excessive temperAggression towards family and othersSchool problemsDifficulty concentratingSuicidal thoughts or actionsWithdrawal from friends and familyActing out in social situationsImitating the traumatic eventFear of adults who remind them of the traumaSleeplessnessIrritabilityInability to trust others or make friendsLack of self-confidenceLonelinessConfusionClinginessSexual knowledge beyond the child’s ageOverreaction to situationsRe-creation of the traumatic event during play

For some of you reading this, you may have identified with what I experienced above, or you might have experienced some of these below.
Verbal abuse towards othersOverly bossy or controllingStomachaches, headaches and other physical complaintsFear of being separated from caregiverEating problems such as loss of appetite, low weight or digestion issuesNightmaresDrug or alcohol useHoarding of food

For many of us, these would be considered strongholds over our lives. I am so thankful there’s a way to heal from that. If you’re struggling with this, please don’t wait to get help. If you’re spiritual, pray and/or seek help. A little FYI, it wasn’t until 2008 that I found out that I have PTSD and until 2014 that I found out that I had Aspergers (that went undetected). But know that we have to put in the work to get that spirit of our childhood back. Hold me accountable as I hold you accountable. Don’t care about public eye (they will always try to make you less than, when you are more than).
I want to close this with an excerpt from this article (which is fitting as many of us reading are adults and may be grieving from the loss of childhood). Know that we can be made whole from what we endured from the past. We are survivors! The full article can be read here:http://www.synergiacounselling.com/adult-grieving-as-a-response-to-childhood-loss-or-trauma/
Most people think of grief as a response to the loss of a loved one, but grief can be a response to any type of loss, including the loss of something that never was (such as a happy childhood).  This post explores the experience of grief in the present as a response to having bad experiences (from abuse, neglect, or trauma) in the past as a child.  Grief of this sort is a necessary and restorative process that permits a person to bring new life and a renewed sense of hope to childhood hardship and deprivation.  Looked at in this way grief allows us to cleanse ourselves of hurt and loss and continue to grow and to expand our sense of ourselves.
Many people do not realize that they may be suffering in the present from having been mistreated, deprived or traumatized as a child.  Partly this is the case, because it is hard to know that something is missing if one has never had the experience of its presence.  If you did not have loving, attentive, nurturing parents who were joyful about life and about you as their child, you might not know that this is something that you lacked.  If you were emotionally abandoned or neglected, you may not know what it is like to be emotionally accompanied or cared for.
Often a person does not begin to grieve their childhood losses until they have reached a point in their lives where in they can emotionally afford to do so.  This may be because the person has found a therapist with whom they feel safe enough or because they find themselves with a social support system that is stable and strong enough for the first time.  The self-compassion borne out of grieving the losses of your childhood makes it clear that you did not deserve the abuse or neglect that you suffered and that you are hurting now because you were hurt then and not because you were bad then.
If you were neglected or abused as a child your emotional or intellectual development may have been truncated.  This may be because you needed to use your energy to protect yourself rather than to grow and develop naturally emotionally and intellectually.  There may not have been opportunities for you to participate in normal, age appropriate activities such as playing, asking hundreds of curious questions, using your imagination, experimenting with language and cause and effect, or to getting to know yourself and your own emotional internal world in an intimate way.  Moreover, these losses and the feelings of grief associated with them may have been unacknowledged or even actively denied by those around you.  In some cases the lack of acknowledgement of loss can be more emotionally devastating than the loss itself.  The grief associated with unacknowledged childhood loss may be outside your awareness, but actively affecting you to this day. 
Blessings,

The Mayne Man

Don't Forfeit Your Inheritance (The Blessing of Abraham)

If you happened to read my blogpost The Bitter Pill - Part 7 of my Will You Be Made Whole series (released 7/27/2016), I talked a little about Esau and the birthright he gave up (referencing Hebrews 12:14-17) near the end of that post. I want to talk about this "birthright" a little bit more in depth. 
If you have a Bible, let's start with Galatians 3:13-14. It says that Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us: for it is written, Cursed is everyone that hangs on a tree: that the blessing of Abraham might come on the Gentiles through Jesus Christ; that we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith.Now I know many people are jumping, singing and shouting in church about the blessing of Abraham and they are going to get their inheritance. That's all well and good; however, I wonder if anyone is hurt or crushed of the mere fact that they haven't seen their manifestation of their inheritance at this very moment (or you feel that you let your inheritance pass you by). If this is you, you are the one I want to talk to today.
So, what is this thing called "inheritance" and how will I be talking about it in this post? I'm glad you asked, so let's go back to Genesis 25. Rebekah finds out that she's carrying two children in her womb and the first child (Esau) will serve the younger (Jacob). Well, one day Esau was coming from the field and was faint. He asked Jacob for some of his soup; however Jacob saw an opportune time to seek Esau's birthright in exchange for a bowl of soup. 
So, what does this birthright entail? 1. Leadership in worship and headship in the family2. A double portion of the inheritance3. The title to the covenant blessing of Abraham that God promised Him
When I read that, I think, "wow, Esau is has to make a choice. A bowl of soup, or maintain those three items above." One would think he would cherish the birthright (since technically, it's the inheritance of the firstborn). Verse 32 of Cahpter 25 is interesting. Esau says behold, I am at the point of death, and what profit shall this birthright do to me? In other words, I can't think straight and this temporary moment of hunger is more important of a promise that will bless the remainder of my life and leave a powerful legacy. This birthright isn't important to me, (Bishop TD Jakes said it like this), it's worthless and I'm selling it for nothing.
Can I ask you a question right here? How many of you have thought of something or someone as worthless and you walk away from that very thing or person because it didn't bless you at that very moment? 
What Esau didn't realize was that birthright was very valuable and would bless him as time progressed. Can I encourage you to not forfeit your inheritance today? I believe that many of you reading this are staring at your inheritance and are thinking about walking away from it because it's not manifested yet. If you happened to let it pass you by, don't fret, repent and ask for forgiveness. God is so awesome, He is a restorer and will restore what you loss and those wasted years.
Let's continue with the story of Esau and this birthright. In the final verses (verses 33-34) of chapter 25, it says that Esau sold his birthright. And it says that despised his birthright. Wow, that tells me that Esau had a choice. Although he was not in his right mental state when Jacob asked for Esau's birthright, he should've stopped and thought about it. Sometimes we are faced with situations when we are in a vulnerable state. This is something we have to be very mindful of and the devil thrives in these situations. We must really seek God when faced with a situation that could alter the course of your life (for better or worse) even if you are faint like Esau or in a vulnerable state. Once a decision is made and it turns out to be for the worse, well, let's move to Genesis 27. 
This particular chapter focuses on Jacob & Rebekah plotting to get Isaac's blessing on their terms. After Jacob gets the blessing, Esau realizes that Jacob stole the blessing so in verse 34, he weeps bitterly. I don't know about you, but that doesn't sound good. Verse 36, Esau said that Jacob took away his birthright. I disagree, he sold it (even though it was under duress). Because his cry was bitter, he is now plotting to kill his brother. You could say that Esau just tasted the bitter pill. Of course, the punishment for Jacob seeking the blessing his way and not God's was that he would never see his mother again (because he had to flee from his brother).
As we are living in the last of the latter days, don't forfeit your inheritance. If you are on the verge of your inheritance, go get it! Don't let the devil talk you out of it, don't let him get you in a place of duress (mental, financial, spiritual, physical or emotional) where you stand a strong chance at forfeiting it. He loves to paint a picture that your blessing is to be gratifying at that very moment. God wants you to be patient and at peace as you wait for the inheritance He has for you. 
Now everybody say this: no devil in hell is going to cause me to forfeit my inheritance!
Blessings,
The Mayne Man

Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 7 - The Bitter Pill)

Everyone has tasted the bitter pill at some point in life, and the truth is, it’s no fun tasting it because not only does it not taste good, it affects other areas of your body (mentally, emotionally and in many cases, spiritually). I want to address the bitter pill from an emotional perspective and a spiritual perspective – and how the perpetrators cause victims to taste it when they really weren’t supposed to. As a result, the pill has created hurting souls and those souls have walls up (note: there are pros and cons to this). Please grab some tissue as this will touch emotions and cause certain feelings to emerge (and I ask that you not tune me out as you read).
Bishop Jospeh Mattera wrote a blog post entitled Why Hurt People Hurt People. A few things stood out to me (to include this statement).Until we as a church deal with the whole person as shown in 1 Thessalonians 5:23 our congregations will be filled with people who are spiritually gifted but act like emotional infants. As in other words, the church must deal with emotional health and not just spiritual health and power.
Bishop Mattera said that these are typical traits that hurt people display in their interactions with others. Many of his explanations underneath each posts were edited for the purpose of this blogpost; however, you can read his entire blogpost here – which is a great post in my humble opinion: http://josephmattera.org/why-hurt-people-hurt-people/Hurt people often transfer their inner anger onto their family and close friends (Often those around them become the recipients of harsh tones and fits of rage because they have unknowingly become the vicarious recipients of transferred rage).Hurt people interpret every word spoken to them through the prism of their pain (Because of their pain, ordinary words are often misinterpreted to mean something negative towards them. Because of this, they are extremely sensitive and act out of pain instead of reality)Hurt people interpret every action through the prism of their pain (Their emotional pain causes them to suspect wrong motives or evil intent behind other people’s actions towards them)Hurt people often portray themselves as victims and carry a “victim spirit.” (Hurt people have a hard time entering into a trusting relationship. Hurt people often carry around a suspicious spirit)Hurt people often alienate others and wonder why no one is there for them
(They often continually hurt the ones they love and need the most with their self-destructive behavior).Hurt people have the emotional maturity of the age they received their (un-dealt with) hurt. (For example, if a girl was raped by a man when she was 12 years old, unless she forgives that man and allows Christ to heal her heart and allay her fears, in that particular area of her life (sexuality with a man) her emotional growth will stop. Even when she reaches her later years she may still have the emotional maturity of a 12 year-old).Hurt people are often frustrated and depressed because past pain continually spills over into their present consciousness. (In many instances, they may not even be aware of why they are continually frustrated or depressed because they have coped with pain by compartmentalizing it or layering it over with other things over time).Hurt people often erupt with inappropriate emotion because particular words, actions, or circumstances “touch” and “trigger” past woundednessHurt people often occupy themselves with busyness, work, performance, and/or accomplishments as a way of compensating for low self-esteemHurt people often attempt to medicate themselves with excessive entertainment, drugs, alcohol, pornography, sexual relationships, or hobbies as a way to forget their pain and run from reality. (Until the church learns to deal with and emphasize the emotional life and health of the believer, the church will be filled with half-Christians who pray and read the Bible but find no victory because they do not face the woundedness in their souls). Note: The Mayne Man has to say Amen to this one!Hurt people have learned to accommodate their private “false self” or “dark side” which causes them to be duplicitous and lack integrity (Often their private life is different from their public life, which causes hypocrisy and compounds feelings of guilt, condemnation, and depression)Hurt people are often self-absorbed with their own pain and are unaware that they are hurting other people. (They are often insensitive to other people because their emotional pain limits their capacity for empathy and their capacity for self-awareness)Hurt people are susceptible to demonic deception. (Satan works in darkness and deception, and stays away from the light. Hurt people often have destructive habit-patterns that are practiced in the dark. Hence, their mind becomes a breeding ground for satanic infiltration and deception. If the church would deal more with the emotional health of the individual, there would be less of a foothold for demonic infiltration. Also, there would be stronger relationships, stronger marriages, healthier children, and a more balanced approach to ministry with less of a chance of pastoral and congregational burnout)God often purposely surfaces pain so hurt people can face reality. (Whether it is because of a marriage problem, or continual personal conflicts on the job, God often allows conflict and spillover because he wants the infection to stop spreading and the person to be healed. Often Christians are fighting the devil and blaming him for conflict when in essence God often allows conflict so that people would be motivated to dig deeper into their lives to deal with root causes of destructive thought and habit patterns. God’s purpose for us is that we would all be conformed to the image of Christ (Romans 8:29). This does not just happen with Bible studies, prayer, and times of glory but also in painful situations when we have to face what has been hurting us for many years).Hurt people need to forgive to be released and restored to freedom. {The Gospel of St. John 20:23 says that we have to release the sins of others if we are going to be released. This means that if we do not forgive others then the very thing we have become victimized with will become a part of our life. For example, alcoholic fathers breed alcoholic sons if their sons do not forgive and release their fathers. The good news is that, through the efficacious blood of Christ, we can all be healed and set free from all past hurts so we can comfort others with the same comfort we ourselves have received from God (2 Corinthians 1:4)}.
As I read those 15 bullet points, I found myself in a couple of them. I’m sure if you’re reading this, you actually see yourself in one or more of them. And that’s OK. If you fit into at least one of them, please read the final bullet above. Why am I emphasizing this so heavily? Because bitter pills as a result of a hurt, can cause emotional and spiritual damage.
Can I just meddle for a minute?  Many of you reading may have been in relationships or situations where it’s disappointment after disappointment, or perhaps you were constantly neglected numerous times. Because of this, it makes good sense to put a wall up and to guard your heart. The good side of doing this is that it gives you a chance to recover and heal (and then understand what it means to truly discern); the bad side is that it can cause your heart to become callous toward people, and in many cases towards God. Situations like this would make someone quit in a heartbeat, that’s a natural response especially if you’ve suffered needless neglect or abuse. Note: I am not telling anybody to stay in a situation where your life is in danger. If this is your predicament, please seek help and safety!
This past Sunday on Christian TV, Bishop TD Jakes was preaching from his lesson The Danger of Giving Up Too Soon. I listened and realized that he was preaching from two blogs I had written between this year and last year (Bitter Like Naomi and the previous part of my current series subtitled Lemonade). Because what he said was so powerful and in line with this topic, I will expound on what he says (and his direct quotes will be in italics).
If you look at the story of Lazarus (John 11), Mary and Martha were grieving because Jesus didn’t come when they wanted Him to. Martha said that if you had been here, my brother would not have died. Notice that they didn’t thank Jesus for coming, as a result, they were bitter. Bitter people blame you for their problems. But when life doesn’t turn out the way you think it ought to turn out, you look for someone to blame, “it’s your fault that I’m in this condition.” Don’t let life make you change your name like Naomi. Naomi went through devastating losses, and she requested that her name be changed to Mara (which means bitter).
I need to clarify blame for a second. If you were molested or raped and you contracted a virus, the molester should bear the blame for you contracting a virus.  But if you allowed yourself to blame every other man for what the rapist did, now you’ve moved to a state of bitterness. Another scenario: if you were having unprotected sex, and the father of your child either said the child isn’t mine (or refuses to own up to his role in your pregnancy), blaming other men for what the one man did to you is what Bishop is talking about. This kind of blame breeds bitterness.
Bitterness is when the things on the outside have contaminated the person on the inside. Have you allowed your past to bleed into their present and pollute your future? If you have, you may not know it (because it’s easier to see bitterness and hurt in others than it is to see your own). In fact, you may not use the word “bitter,” you may use other words such as “careful.” Until you call it what it is, you’ll never be free. You’re not a wimp because you’re bitter. Life will bring situations that will cause you to be bitter. If you don’t know how to deal with it, you’ll give up. Many of you ladies have probably felt like David when he said in Psalm 116:11 (All Men Are Liars)!
Bitterness contaminates your judgment (read Hebrews 12:14-17). When you are bitter, you can’t trust your own judgment. If you look at Esau, he was bitter because he didn’t wait but hastily gave up his birthright to Jacob. When bitterness gets down inside of you, you’ll walk away from something and say it’s worthless. You sell it for nothing, not realizing that what you gave away was valuable, it was going to take time to bless you.
Take the power of God to the place in your life where you became bitter. What you want is the anointing on that troubled place in your life where you find it hard to believe that things will work out.
Here’s the entire sermon if you want to listen to it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUP4ATnWytU
I want to challenge you to throw those pills away, take the healing pill prescribed, and most importantly, fall in love with Jesus and His Word! Believe, Trust and Obey Him concerning your life. Don’t let the devil cause you to be impatient and to give up because you’re hurt; or let the walls cause you to turn your back on God or miss small blessings that may not be packaged in a way that you anticipated.
I want to close this with some questions and notes to consider (you could call this a review from the prior 6 parts within this series):
If you think about the story about the woman with the issue of blood, she was determined to get to Jesus. Why do you think many opt not to get to Jesus now (whether through His Word or via His presence)?Do you find that many declared their healing but are expecting God to do everything – even if God gave them a set of instructions that required their part? As a result, they die prematurely?Back to question 1, the woman could’ve been stoned because she wen to Jesus. Under the OT, she was forbidden to be out in public. Do you think many are embarrassed to go to Jesus with their issue?Can isolation be a blessing and/or a curse when you know you are in need of a healing from Christ? And do you think that’s the enemy’s objective (to get those who need a touch from Christ to be shut up and locked away from society)?This is a bonus – this was a tweet from one my brothers in Christ: I saw a tweet saying a woman got LAID by over 900 men. The truth is her soul has been split into more than 900 parts. So I ask, do you agree or disagree? If you agree, then that brings a series of questions: can she heal? If so, what would her healing process look like? How can a person intercede her healing/wholeness? And why do we in the church cast them off as basket cases (even if they isolate themselves from society)? Jesus didn’t turn His back on the woman at the well, why do we? He came to bring the Word (which she would receive and was made free), and to make this more interesting, the woman at the well was from Samaria but the Jews didn’t mingle with them.Second tweet from the same brother: Ladies, each time a man has sex with you, your soul is split and you are scattered. When a man hits you, he splits you. Do you agree or disagree? If you agree, I then say Wow! This should make a real man like Boaz cry and start praying for her wholeness. Healing is the children’s bread. Bozo could care less if he splits a woman. Your thoughts on this?

Blessings,

The Mayne Man

Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 6 - Lemonade)

**Trigger Warning** to those who are still in the healing process. This post may be a little graphic in nature, so please proceed with caution.
Between yesterday and today, this post was imminent. Yesterday, I was watching UnSung and the artist profiled was Miki Howard. And after UnSung was TV One’s featured film entitled Love Under New Management: The Miki Howard Story. For the benefit of those who don’t know who she is, she’s a female vocalist who mainly did R&B as well as jazz (she’s been in the industry as early as the 80s, but really established herself as a female vocalist in 1986/1987). I was just entering middle school when her first solo recording was playing on the radio. I want to use her story as the base (and the inspiration) for this post. Now some of you might be wondering, what does this has to do with lemonade? It’s a great question so let me explain (and this post has absolutely nothing to do with Beyonce’s Lemonade). There’s a saying that goes, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Well, if you just take water and add lemons to it without adding any sugar, you have sour lemonade. I don’t know about you, but sexual abuse, emotional abuse, domestic abuse, neglect, abandonment, divorce, death of a loved one are lemons. You didn’t ask for them, so how do you make lemonade out of them? Again, that’s a great question so let me get right into the post by sharing her story and I will answer the question as to how to make lemonade out of all of this as this progresses.
Well, Miki Howard grew up in a musical home. She is the offspring of Josephine Howard, of the gospel group the Caravans, and Clay Graham of the Pilgrim Jubilees. Both her mother and father were gospel mainstays, and her sister could hold her own as well. Part of Howard’s story is having grown up in a household where homosexuality was being practiced. This subject was far more taboo in the 60s than it is today. Coupled that with the fact that her mother was a lesbian gospel singer, one can begin to understand why she may be torn about her relationship with gospel music. That could be one lemon that Miki received. During her childhood, her parents were separated and at one point, Miki was placed in a foster home (and I can’t remember if she has been through 2 foster homes). Either way, her being placed in a foster home could be a lemon that she received. In fact, there was a time that Miki’s mother had a man in the home that even tried to come on to Miki and it was overlooked. Of course, that’s a lemon she received.
One could imagine that when you don’t have that parental love that you so desperately need, you try to find love from the world. And because we know that the devil is the god of this world, the result is not going to be pretty. So, it only made sense for Miki to crave love during her late teen years. She would reveal the following, “Most people, at that age, are out going on dates and they’re learning about men and boys and things like that. I was learning about singing, I was learning the music business and I didn’t have the opportunity to learn the things that you should learn. I lost my mom at 18 years old and the show says it was later, but it was 18. She put me out by the time I was 16. So, there was no parent to tell me. Besides that I grew up in a completely gay environment. So, I had no idea about men. I knew nothing! When I tell you nothing, I mean nothing. I just put them on a pedestal and held them in high esteem, whether they deserved it or not. That’s not a good thing, so I had to learn the hard way that you don’t cast your pearls among swine. There are men that are swine and, most likely, they’re the first ones that come up. When you don’t have a lot of time and you don’t have a lot of knowledge you kind of go with the first Joe. ‘Hey you like me, you love me? Ok, let’s do this!’ I didn’t go to the movies, smooch in a theater or fondle in the backseat of a car. I didn’t do any of those things that teenagers are supposed to do in learning about your sexuality. So, in all of my 20s and early 30s I made serious mistakes with men.”
How many lemons can you find that Miki received during the course of reading the above paragraph? Here’s how many that I found:She lost her mother at the age of 18 years old.She was put out of the home at the age of 16.Depending on your spiritual conviction, her home environment would be one.Putting men whether deserved or not, were placed on a pedestal.Lack of knowledge as it relates to men and/or the true meaning of sex.

If you are looking at your life and you see yourself in it, please keep reading. I know that this may be hard for you (and granted, I see myself in some of what we’ve been discussing so far), but we are going to get to that place of healing and wholeness together.
When she was 20, she met a man in a singing group who was 28, and she ended up having two children with him. He was very adamant in not marrying her even though that was what she wanted. I’ll let you decide if that is a lemon that she received.
When she was 26 years old, she released her first solo album. And a few years later, she would marry a man named Eddie Phelps. He appeared nice from the beginning, but as the marriage progressed, he blackballed her in the music industry for several years after frequent outbursts with her record companies. Of course, it goes without saying that he physically abused her to the point of breaking her nose. And during the marriage, she ended up being addicted to cocaine. With the help of the late Gerald LeVert, she checked herself into rehab at the turn of the millennium. During the course of her time in rehab, the therapist was calling her a junkie (to the point that she felt degraded, and it’s definitely understandable). When she decided to stick it out in rehab, the therapist asked her a pivotal question, what happened in childhood that may have started all of this? Many people would be like Miki and think that question came out of left field. If you have lived in a state of denial and/or blocked out things that happened, it would make sense to think that. She started sharing about the abuse she endured, and he would nicely state that she has post-traumatic stress syndrome (or we could simply call it PTSD). I’m glad that question was stated because it got to the root of a lot of childhood pain that has been held inside. And truthfully, it can explain every lemon that has been received to cause all of the sourness and bitterness that’s in a hurt soul’s life.
The reason why I wanted to use her story is because I know every abuse survivor can relate to this in some form. And let’s face it, we overcome by the word of our testimony, and the testimonies of others can encourage others to keep going and to fight for their healing. I was very touched by her story and I’m so glad she shared it (as I am in the healing stage of some childhood wounds that I received).
So, if you happened to think of how many lemons you have received in your life, how are you able to make lemonade (and a good one at that)? First, add water to those freshly squeezed lemons (yes, I know the squeezing part is painful, because it consists of rolling it on the counter, and pressing it before cutting it open to be squeezed). But we’re trying to make great lemonade so others can taste it and it is refreshing to their soul when they come to you to drink from the story that you have to share.
Now that you added water to the pitcher where you freshly squeezed those lemons into, we need to add some sugar to it. Don’t stir it just yet. If you noticed, the sugar is all at the bottom. So if you were to drink it, you’ll find that it’s still bitter and sour. This is where some of us are, still bitter because we haven’t made steps to be sweet. Don’t worry, I’m not condemning you, this might be where you are in the healing process. If you’re taking baby steps, I’m with you; and if you’re not ready, I’m with you. We’re in this together.
Now we’re getting ready to stir that sugar in. If you are involved in the faith community like I am, then I will just share one scripture with you from Psalm 119:103 - How sweet are Your words to my taste, Sweeter than honey to my mouth! God’s Word is sweet, that’s the sugar needed in our lemonade. We just need to get that from the bottom of the pitcher and get it stirred into our hearts and any other type of professional help you may get.
So, let’s talk a little bit more about the stirring process. This is the part that many don’t want to go through, because this will affect every part of your inside, and stirring requires some good muscle if you want all of that sugar to dissolve in this lemonade you’re creating. Can I encourage you for a minute? Because you are still alive and are able to read this after all that you’ve been through, you have some muscle. You took every lemon and are on the verge of creating some awesome lemonade. Many of you have shared your lemonade with me, and I have enjoyed it. Likewise, many of you have enjoyed mine even though I’m still in the stirring process. Part of the stirring process will require a thought renewal (and having to fight the urge to quit stirring when you’re right at the point of finishing up your lemonade). If you quit, you’ll just remain bitter lemonade. You were born with such sweetness, and life threw many lemons at you (of course, the horrific lemons you received were not deserved and are no fault of your own). Let me encourage you a little bit more: don’t be discouraged about the time you may have thought you wasted in your life and the time that you lost. But you can get back all the things that you lost in the time that was wasted. The God that I serve is a restorer of all things. I want to challenge you to close the gap between what you what you want to see for your life and where you are right now. Your results are determining by your thoughts. As I challenge you, I want you to challenge me.
Are you ready to finish off the lemonade? Here we go. If you have your wooden spoon out, let’s start stirring until all of the sugar is dissolved and you don’t see anymore in the bottom of the pitcher. That sweetness has overshadowed the pain that you’ve experienced in your past. Make sure that you keep things and/or people away from the sweetened lemonade that you have made that will do everything they can to try and make it bitter again. And cherish those who will stir you to keep your lemonade sweet and ensure that the sweetness that you are doesn’t go to the bottom of the pitcher and it’s unnoticed when people go to partake of it.
Miki’s lemonade was sharing her story on UnSung and creating a TV Movie based on her life. And I was truly blessed by her story and I pray many others will be as they hear.
Of course, I can’t close this blogpost without telling you how many lemons I received in my life. I’m only going to share for the sake of time the obvious lemons I received: physical and sexual abuse, emotional abuse, neglect, abandonment and rejection (which will equate to PTSD in a nutshell). My lemonade is still in the stirring process but believe me, if you had a chance to partake of it, it’s refreshing (smile).
If you are in the healing/wholeness process, your lemonade is under way; if you are healed/whole, let others partake and help others make their lemonade great. Healing and wholeness is for us. It’s a promise from God. He wants us to be made whole and for your lemons to truly be lemonade.
Blessings,

The Mayne Man

Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 5B - Oppression & Opinions)

If you missed Part 5A (and you want to read it), please click here.
http://mayneman.blogspot.com/2016/05/will-you-be-made-whole-part-5a.html

I briefly mentioned opinions of others, now let’s go deeper in this area! Everybody has an opinion – which there is no shortage of for some. I heard a pastor say that we actually enter another dimension when we divorce ourselves from the opinions of others. Dr. Price made a comment back in 1998 as it relates to denominations and how many in their respective denomination swears it's the right one. It's an opinion of course and for many that have opinions, they hype it up to the point that it trumps the Word.  That should never happen. Some have been bold enough to use the Word to hype up their opinions when the truth is they are really misusing it. Of course, this creates oppression to the one who falls from the opinion. Let me stay there, because I see an epidemic on social media (where there are single pastors with no covering or accountability promoting their agenda – really shearing those who are babes and have itching ears). I speak against that in Jesus' name.
Now I’m not saying denominations are totally a bad thing, just focus on how they started. And that’s simply an opinion that may or may not be Scripturally based.
The ones that make me laugh and frustrated are the ones who say, “The Lord said…” and there’s no Scriptural content contained in it. This right here is one example of someone who’s in the childhood stage. People that have opinions with no substance are dangerous to themselves and to others.
Let me give a great example: when you’re going through spiritual warfare or dealing with a crisis of any type, opinionated people say “you need just a little more Jesus.” You have my permission to slap them! Jesus is more than enough. Don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t need to surrender control, you are your own and you are self-made. That, whether you know it or not, can cause oppression. Jesus wants whatever control you think you have. And let’s be real, what we’re thinking isn’t always the mind and heart of God. In Jeremiah 29:11 (from the Message Bible), it starts off saying (God speaking) I know what I’m doing. If He knows what He’s doing, that should give us every reason to trust Him with everything. Let’s add to this, He knows what we’ve done and are currently dealing with, yet He still wants us. Just because pastors, brothers and sisters in Christ, and the world will reject, God won’t! He wants you so He can lavish His love and healing over you. What the devil is doing with many people is to get them to agree that you don’t have to follow when you have can do it better than others (and inadvertently better than God). Look at what you’ve been through, you need to gain control of your life, don’t surrender it to anybody including God. The key to getting out of this oppression is stop knowing what to do. Let every thought and decision pass through the filter of God. If people want to hurry you, let them, but stand still so God can speak through you. I’m a living witness in that whatever is not in God’s will, will become my bill (in other words, I’m going to have to pay for it). But watch this, confess that to God, don’t carry that burden. Your body wasn’t designed to carry it. And besides, what good is it doing you by carrying it?
If you don’t remember anything, remember this: the enemy will use people (in and out the church) to oppress you with their opinions. The enemy will get you to question God’s Word (like he did Eve in Genesis 3). You see, in the pews, we have people like Eliphaz, Bildad & Zophar sitting right next to you, waiting for you to slip up so they can attack you. Jennifer LeClaire (from Charisma Magazine nailed this): Eliphaz is one who will come over your house to tell you that it’s your fault because of sin. Bildad will confirm everything Eliphaz said and Zophar will condemn you in the battle. How is that for opinions?
And while I’m on it, she expounds further about legalistic Christians who throw their jargon out there to puff themselves up especially when they know someone who’s engaged in spiritual warfare. She said: The enemy uses those close to us to add fuel to his fiery darts when what we really need is someone to stand in the gap for us. Of course, we should all examine our hearts when the onslaught comes to make sure we don't have any open doors, but too many well-intentioned Christians give pat answers and platitudes that do not reflect God's heart in the midst of our battle.
And we want to throw darts, instead of praying for reconciliation, restoration, and for recovery? The devil doesn’t have to win even though we may have intently or unintentionally taken the bait! I serve a God who is in the healing business, restoration business, reconciliation business, and who loves us despite the mistakes we made and sins we committed. If you look at the Scriptural text for this blogpost, what stands out to me is the fact that Jesus came to heal the sick and the brokenhearted (Luke 4:18). But the leader of the synagogue was indignant because Jesus had healed on the Sabbath. You have some people in church that will become so legalistic saying that they don’t deserve to be healed, or they have to go through some form of ritual, or they have to bear the shame of the sin they committed, they must be exposed to the church and to the public that they are a disgrace. The leader of the synagogue cared about the law (while he truthfully was breaking that very law) and didn’t care if she ever got healed (because they wanted to be seen by the crowds as holy and untouchable, when they truthfully were full of sin and needed a Savior). I like that Jesus called them for what they were, hypocrites (and the Amplified Bible used the terms play-actors and pretenders). And you’ll find that hypocrites, play-actors and pretenders are experts with opinions and parroting Scriptures to prove that they are all that and they got this life so down to where they really don’t need Jesus themselves. That’s a sad place to be.
Think about it, if you have ever been oppressed, everything is out of whack. If you’re not careful and you’re not going after His Word with all you have, it’ll be real easy to fall for the opinions of others that are not even scripturally based (like God hates divorce, so stay in your abusive relationship). And when you’re oppressed, there’s a strong you may not be able to see yourself (and others) free from the oppression? And most opinionated people have done so much damaged to those who are oppressed that they will turn their backs on them because they did their damage. Faith and agape love won't allow people to stay oppressed or under the web of an opinion that’s not of God!
I heard a pastor give a great example of an opinion that can literally oppress someone (especially if they’re not strong in their faith): Let’s take the word “grace.” When you ask the question, “What is grace?” They will say that grace is unmerited favor. The truth is that grace and favor mean the same thing, but the question still wasn’t answered. So, they’ll say it’s something you don’t earn, knowing full well that wasn’t what you asked. So, you then ask them, “Why don’t I deserve it?”  You now have to tell me every bad thing that I did to show me that I don’t deserve it.
I now ask you, what’s wrong with that picture? Considering you’ll never hear God say that about anybody! So, if you’re one who says that grace is unmerited favor – you’re not looking at God, you’re looking at man. When you say that grace IS a gift, that’s pointing to God. So many Christians (well, people of all walks of life for that matter) feel condemned because people are going around saying that grace is unmerited favor and you don’t deserve it.
Can I just give you one more example? I’m sure you’ve heard this from a pastor, a coach, a counselor or someone sitting in the congregation with you (or at another church) the following: we are the initiators and create our reality. We don’t have to follow and why do it like someone else considering that we can make it better. And just because you’re saved and a Christian, doesn’t mean that you have to submit to Him. You are your own man and your own woman. Whoever is telling you that may sound good, but it’s contrary to Scripture and will actually hinder your healing from oppression and the opinions of others. The Word is the final authority and the final say so in your life. We have to make sure that what people say is lined up with the Scripture, otherwise, get away because their agenda is to bring oppression onto your life. They say misery loves company.
Many of us are on the path to healing and wholeness, and I’ll be honest with you, it will require some spiritual warfare. You will be challenged and tried on many levels. The key is to stay committed to the fight (and yes, it’s a faith fight and the faith fight is a good fight) when everything inside you and those opinionated people will tell you to quit, and put bugs in your ear saying, “you can never heal, you’ll never recover!” Don’t buy into that. The devil IS a liar! Romans 8:31 says if God be for you, who can be against you!
I was truly blessed by this article entitled What Your Friends Don’t Want To Hear When The Devil Is Attacking written by Jennifer LeClaire (I quoted a little bit of it above, so just click on the title to read it). What I like about it is that it exposes how the enemy will use people (it could be a counselor, a coach, a pastor, those in the pews, and the list goes on) and their opinions to oppress you and to bring condemnation to your mental/emotional psyche. She says this:
Spiritual platitudes—banal, trite and stale remarks—are not as painful as pious calls for repentance for sins you haven't thought about committing. But spiritual platitudes are unhelpful at best and admittedly annoying. Let's face it, pat Bible answers—"cast all your cares" and "those whom He loves He disciplines"—that really don't apply to your situation are anything but a word in due season.
When people are going through hell and back, most people don't need to play patty cake with verses about not growing weary in well doing, fighting the good fight of faith, standing and withstanding or counting it all joy. That may be helpful for baby Christians, but mature warriors usually don't need to be told what is obvious: Have faith in God; only believe; the battle is the Lord's.
God wants you healed, whole and thriving into what you were predestined to do. We don’t define our assignment; we discover it through Him. Are you willing to break free from the opinions and the oppression? I pray that you can shout YES when asked this question knowing and having confidence that healing is the children’s bread according to Matthew 15:20-28. Let’s finish 2016 strong by going hard for God and His Word!
Blessings,
The Mayne Man

Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 5A - Oppression & Opinions)

Last Saturday, I woke up with a vision and it was brought further to light as the days progressed. This blogpost is going to be very touchy and it may offend those who are chief offenders. I pray that those who have suffered (or are currently suffering) under the weight of demonic oppression as well as the opinions of others (especially from those sitting in the pews) that have led to you being plagued with oppression will find refuge in this blogpost (but more importantly with His Word). Healing is the children’s bread and you can be healed and be made whole from what the devil did to you (or from what he’s trying to do to you). The foundational scripture for this series is John 5:1-9, but I want to focus on Luke 13:10-17 for this particular blogpost.
Now Jesus was teaching in one of the synagogues on the Sabbath. And there was a woman who for eighteen years had had an illness caused by a spirit (demon). She was bent double, and could not straighten up at all. When Jesus saw her, He called her over and said to her, “Woman, you are released from your illness.” Then He laid His hands on her; and immediately she stood erect again and she began glorifying and praising God. But the leader of the synagogue, indignant because Jesus had healed on the Sabbath, began saying to the crowd in response, “There are six days in which work ought to be done; so come on those days and be healed, and not on the Sabbath day.” But the Lord replied to him, “You hypocrites (play-actors, pretenders)! Does not each one of you on the Sabbath untie his ox or his donkey from the stall and lead it away to water it? And this woman, a daughter (descendant) of Abraham whom Satan has bound for eighteen long years, should she not have been released from this bond on the Sabbath day?” As He was saying this, all His opponents were being humiliated; and the entire crowd was rejoicing over all the glorious things that were being done by Him.
Before I dive into the passage above, I’d like to talk first about demonic oppression. I would like to reference a blogpost from 2013 that was written on this very topic. If you want to read it before I dive into it, you can right here (in fact, I’ll be referencing a few things from it for this blogpost) -> http://mayneman.blogspot.com/2013/11/the-difference-between-demonic.html
One thing A’ndrea said that stands out: Demonic oppression is simply having an influence on a person via their thoughts or emotions, but unable to have access to the person’s mind and body. The spirit can only impact the individual using their senses (what the person sees, hears, smells, touches, tastes). An oppressive spirit might try to get the person to believe they are depressed, angry, lonely, vengeful, tired, etc. Simple prayers and a refocusing of thoughts are enough to overcome an oppressive spirit. The Bible tells us in Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” We are encouraged to keep our thoughts on what is positive right after we are told not to be anxious for anything, but to use prayer and petition, as well as to allow God’s peace to guard our hearts and minds (Philippians 4:6-7).
If you are a believer, you know that there are three stages as to how we develop. There’s the baby stage, the childhood stage, and the manhood (womanhood) stage. The area where we can actually face oppression the most I believe is in the childhood stage. You see, the childhood stage is where we grow in understanding, but you are vulnerable to unsound doctrine (Ephesians 4:14). I’ll elaborate more on that when I talk about opinions later. But in this childhood stage, there’s a strong chance that you will not be speaking right (whether it be evil, vain or foolish). That can bring oppression whether you may know it or not. Unfortunately, many people are in this stage.
Demonic oppression can come as a result of childhood abuse. When you were supposed to be protected and covered, the devil gained a foothold as a result and tried to oppress your life. I don’t know where you are, if you’re reading this, many of you are stopping this generational curse by calling this oppression out and striving for healing/wholeness in your mind, body, soul and spirit. Hallelujah! You have latched on to who God is and are starting to know who He is by becoming one with His Word.  Let me encourage you to keep going with this (and I ask that you encourage me to do the same). Don’t let the devil stop you from becoming one with His Word. He wants to do everything he can to keep you oppressed and tormented. If he can do that, he can keep the generational curse going. I know I’m jumping ahead, but the devil will send his imposters to you to say that you were the cause of the abuse.
Demonic oppression can also come from bad relationships. Regardless of how you landed in it, the demonic may have gained a foothold via your mental and emotional psyche as a result of what you had to endure. Don’t let the devil and his impostors come up and tell you that you can’t heal or you won’t recover! The devil is a LIAR. I stand in agreement with you and intercede for you calling that oppression out and covering you with His Word, speaking words of healing/wholeness in your mind, body, soul and spirit. Hallelujah! I encourage you to latch on to who God is and get re-acclimated in who He is by becoming one with His Word. Don’t let the devil stop you from becoming one with His Word. He wants to do everything he can to keep you oppressed and tormented.
Sometimes we can be our worst enemy, and give the devil access to oppress us. Think about it, we can sing, “My life is not my own, to You I belong.” The minute something doesn’t go your way, you take matters into your own hands without thinking to God. Granted, you can repent, but between the timeframe you took matters into your own hands and repenting, you stand a risk of being oppressed.
I could talk about a few other areas that can lead to oppression, things like denial, pride, living in a state of offense, unresolved anger and hatred. But I do want to say one thing about denial. When you deny something, you are actually living in a state of torment (which is oppression) because when a trigger sets in, the torment will manifest itself. Now keep in mind, if you were abused, that torment/oppression wasn’t your fault (meaning, you weren’t the one who created that oppression). That was brought on you through someone else. But it’s now up to us (yes, this includes me too – as I’m dealing with some areas of my life that need healing via oppression brought on by others). We have to fight to be delivered from oppression – but we fight knowing that we win according to 1 John 5:4 – this is the victory that overcomes the world, even our faith! Now there’s a denial where you know that you harmed others and you don’t want to own it. In my opinion, that’s intentional torment (borderline possession – and that’s not good). You see oppression doesn’t just come off of us just by saying, “Leave!” We need supernatural assistance from the Throne Room!
Can I ask a question: do you trust God with everything that concerns you? If the answer is no (and I’ll wave my hand and say no), don’t beat yourself up. Now you should be able to locate yourself. If you have ever felt that you can do it by yourself and you cringe at the thought surrendering all control to Him, then it makes sense not to trust. But refer back to Jeremiah 29:11 (from the Message Bible). He knows what He’s doing. Think about this, Jesus could do nothing apart from the Father. As I think about it, our lack of trust in Him can actually come as a result of how we grew up (especially if it was a house full of rejection, neglect, abandonment). So for many of us growing up, we had to pick ourselves up by our bootstraps. So, we have to seek God to help us and cradle us in His arms so we can know what it means to trust a God who really loves us even though our mother and father forsake us (Psalm 27:10). The beauty of God is that He sees us as special and redeemable even though we may be struggling with some form of oppression.
As I wrap up the first segment on demonic oppression, let me shame the devil right now. If you’re sitting here right now condemning yourself for the mistakes you’ve made (and I have to constantly cast these childhood mistakes as well as mistakes as of current that the enemy is throwing at me), I say this: So what you made a mistake! So what if you did this or that (knowingly or unknowingly it was contrary to Scripture)! It’s not over for you. You can heal, you can be made whole and recover and launch into what God has for you without the bitterness, anger, the shame, and the condemnation that the devil and you yourself may bring unto you. The God that I serve loves you, and He’s not counting you out. He wants you to co-operate with the plan He has for you. We have to go hard for God and be one with His Word. 

If you want to read Part 5B, please click here.
http://mayneman.blogspot.com/2016/05/will-you-be-made-whole-part-5b.html

Is A Heart Transplant Needed?

Good morning/afternoon everyone.
If you are following me on social media, my mid-morning thought asked a question: do you agree/disagree (and why) in that if I desire to see change in others, then my heart must change? I believe the answer is a resounding YES. Before I go any further, I would like to dedicate this post to anyone who has a neurological disorder (such as Cerebral Palsy) or a neurodevelopmental disorder (such as Autism or Aspergers). I believe that you (or your caregiver) will be able to understand me as I share what was dropped in my spirit this morning.
The late Stephen Covey said that one out of the seven habits of highly effective people is to "seek first to understand, then be understood." I believe this principle is based off of the words that Jesus said, and that's He didn't come to be served but to serve. Serving is placing others before yourself. Unfortunately, people who have disorders like I mentioned above are never understood by others, because many don't want to take the time to understand. I heard that 50 Cent mocked someone who was autistic. Being autistic myself, on a high level, I can say that being mocked or ridiculed in my life doesn't come as a surprise. I'm his case, it's a natural reaction when you initially don't know what a person suffers or is going through. I'm not defending him, I'm just writing from the perspective of that's how many people in this world treat those who are suffering from these types of disorders. Contrary to what neuro-typicals think (neuro-typicals are people who don't have Autism), these people are worthy of love and understanding. In fact, they are really harmless. Speaking for myself, having faced ridiculed, bullying, abuse, being misunderstood and labeled immature, very few people have taken the time to understand me. Now, I'm not saying that to just get attention. I just want to make the point that if we have the heart to understand others (and stop forcing those who have these conditions to conform to what society's standard is - whatever that is), then we can all get along. To have them conform without even seeking to understand them and what they're dealing with, is bullying and really judging them. And I will never say that I didn't make fun of someone in that condition in my life before. I'll admit it was pure ignorance until I realized that I was actually diagnosed with it myself. But also, another person didn't have what I have, but she was overweight, but she was a dear friend to me and it made me hangs my perception of how I see people (and that was at the very end of my 10th grade year).
In order to get to this place where we don't point fingers at them or curse them, a heart transplant is needed. It's extremely hypocritical to down someone with it, but if the tables turned, you would want the world to stop for you. Our stony hearts must be taken out so we are given a heart of flesh. Everybody, regardless of what they're dealing with, has a gift given to them by God. I pray that we start to understand people in these conditions and stop ostracizing them from society. What will happen is that they will end their lives externally or internally. 
I would even challenge you to hug somebody who has a condition I stated above - not with the mindset of "I'm better than you," but with a spirit of, "I'm so glad you were born and you are special to me and in the eyes of God."
So, I believe that a heart transplant is needed in a lot of people, including me. So, I need to exchange my stony heart for a heart of flesh. I want a heart that loves others, forgives others, and to understand others without criticizing or judging others. I don't want to have a heart where I excuse the faults of some and say it's just their personality but tolerate it in others (this kind of heart really breeds partiality). I want a heart where I admit my shortcomings and not blame others for it. I want a heart that seeks to bless others and speak life to and over everyone.
Are you with me in wanting a heart transplant?
Blessings,
The Mayne Man

My testimony (42nd Birthday)

Good morning. As I celebrate my 42nd birthday today, I want to share a little ofmy story and to ask that you help me give honor to where honor is due on this very special day to me. And the honor does not go to me. You'll see why as you read.
Wow, 42 years, it seems like time has flown since I was 22. Surprisingly, that would be the year when I accepted Christ as Lord. But let me say that my life has been anything but perfect. However, I am so blessed to be alive in the midst of the storms and rain, heartaches and pain. What I love about God is despite all that we've been through, He doesn't disqualify us or call us losers when we mess up, He's a God of forgiveness when we confess. The devil is doing everything to count us out. If I have to praise Him by myself, I will. Let me get to my story.
This morning as I was driving to work, I thought about a lot of things. Don't feel sorry for me as you read, but give God thanks for His mercy, love, and forgiveness.
Thirty years ago, there was abuse, rejection, abandonment, neglect, worry, anxiety issues, gaslighting, mental and emotional blocks that I faced and endured. It was during that time that I had an interest in who Jesus was. 
During my high school years, it was depression, anxiety, rejection, and a fight  for independence so I could live my dreams. During that time, I made a vow to God to remain abstinent until marriage.
During my military life, college life and everything else to this point, it was betrayal, anxiety attacks, depression, thoughts of suicide, false accusations, receiving phone threats, but I never lost faith in Him.
I've seen untimely deaths that have shaken my world a little:The death of my aunt when she was only 37 - two months before graduating high schoolThe death of my grandmother in 2010The death of my father in 2012 (4 months after releasing my first novel which was actually May 4, 2012 - DDBS)And granted, I wanted to die at the end of 2011, but God is all I can say to that.
There are many things that have happened to me (or that I have done to others) that I didn't mentioned that would have sealed my death certificate (whether someone taking me out, or me ending my own life), again, I can only say but God. If you're reading this and I have hurt you in any capacity, I ask for your forgiveness. Please charge it to my head and not my heart. You are so special to me and I believe in healing and restoration. 
So allow me to cry tears of joy and of praise to God today. Don't worry, I'm still a man, a husband-in-training, so my manhood shouldn't be in question (smile). It's ok for me to be weak before Him, because it's in Him that we're strong. Think about it, how can I step into the overcoming ministry (and telling others how to overcome) if I haven't been through anything. Again, the honor isn't due to me, it's to the God who is a healer and a restorer of life.
You can read my bio on this page or watch the interview on the right side of this page to see what God has done in my life. :) And this is just the beginning, my latter will be greater (I know at least 2 people can lift their hands and declare that over their lives).
As Marvin Sapp says, so if you see me cry, it's just a sign that I'm still alive. I've got some scars but I'm still alive. In spite of calamity, He still has a plan for me. It's working for my good and it's building my testimony.
Somebody give Him praise. If you have been through and have a testimony, I celebrate you as well today. We overcome by the blood of the lamb and by the word of our testimony.
Blessings.
The Mayne Man

Will You Be Made Whole? (Part 4 - Abuse & Relationships)

This topic was dropped on my spirit on my way to work this morning, and it also disturbed me to the point that I had to talk to God about this on my way home from work. After working out late this afternoon, the real meaning of this was revealed and as a result, here’s a blogpost about a topic that is healing for me, and for those who need a healing as a result of childhood abuse and/or domestic abuse. Please brace yourself for this (and grab some tissue just in case), as we heal together.
The desire to love someone is a beautiful thing. But you know it can be a daunting task if there are some unresolved issues from childhood. I didn’t realize it during my high school years and a good portion of my 20s and 30s. Speaking for me, I refuse to go into my 42nd year of life (starting tomorrow) going backwards with no progress. In fact, I speak healing over my life and over everyone that needs a healing right now, so I believe we are all healed right now (yes, this is by faith until we see the manifestation).
Using my life as the base for this post, I would like to share what are some ramifications that can occur if unresolved issues from childhood aren’t resolved. You’re probably thinking, “You’re just now realizing this?” Well, I believe the Lord will reveal it when we’re ready to take it head on and/or we’re capable of understanding the purpose behind it.
I started my 10th grade year in 1989 in a new school. My father received orders to Germany before the school year began so we moved there and I started the 10th grade there. There were two high school friends that stick out to me as I type this post (one already knows about this post, as I shared the base of this post with her) – in fact they were new to the school as I was (and we met during New Student Orientation – something to that effect). The first friend was Carla and the second friend (the one who knows about this) was LaShaunda. Let me start with Carla first.
Carla was in the same grade as me, and I remember just being so wrapped up in her (and I believe that I carried her books at one time), but she wouldn’t even give me the time of day. She would leave Germany after our 11th grade year. I’ll come back to Carla later on as we reconnected in 2010 via Facebook.
LaShaunda was a freshman, and I remember her having a boyfriend the first 5 months of the school year. One day after they broke up, we were talking at the Laundromat and she made a comment to me that resonated to my 15-year-old mind. She said, “I am a one man woman, and all I want is a one woman man.” That really made me think about how I should carry myself, as I was becoming a man. As the summer progressed, she was very instrumental in furthering my pursuit for Christ. I was searching for Christ during the midst of my abuse (which I’ll share parts of it as it relates to relationships in a moment), but for her to say that she was trying to get right with the Lord made me desire to go deeper in my quest. Of course, we became special friends at that time (and granted, we’re still friends today). When I asked her out, she said something to me then that I didn’t understand, but I understand it now as God was revealing something to me today. She said, “I can’t be with you because you think of me more than yourself, and you think I’m God’s gift to the world, I’m not.” Back then, I didn’t understand, and yes, I cried my eyes out.
So what is the message in the midst of what she said? First of all, if you have been abused in childhood (this also includes, abandoned, rejected or neglected), there’s a strong chance that you will have a skewed view of a healthy relationship if it was never addressed via counseling. In fact, because of the abuse, there’s a level of emotional and mental pain that was never addressed and I can’t forget the manipulation piece. That manipulation piece damaged the psyche of the mind. I know it did for me. A little off subject, but it’s true: if you have been abused in a marriage relationship, manipulation, which is a tactic of the devil, can literally destroy someone spiritually, mentally, financially and emotionally. And when the demonic spirit grabs hold of someone, it will plant seeds such as “you’re the one who caused it.”  Back to the message of what she was saying to me. Second, because no love was found in the house you grew up in as a result of the abuse, there’s a strong chance of trying to find someone who will appreciate you and indirectly, you actually make either the person or the concept of “love” an idol. And God is a jealous God. That’s the revelation that I received today. Third, I made reference to there being a strong chance of trying to find someone who will appreciate you. If God is not consulted, there’s a possibility that God will not mandate the relationship and it will be pure hell. He wants to protect us, but at the same time, give yourself some credit if you messed up. He’s a forgiving God. For most of us, when we were young and have been through something traumatic, we didn’t have a full understanding of God. I know I didn’t even though I was on my quest, so a lot of choices and decisions were made based on my emotions (yes, I was feeling emotions like Mariah Carey at that time of my life – smile). I don’t know what background you grew up in, if they were deep in church (even though they abused, neglected or abandoned you), there’s a possibility that your view of God may be warped as a result of what you had to endured.
What were some things that were going on in the house that I grew up in that gave me a skewed view of relationships?Without question, there was sexual abuse and physical abuse from a family member who lived in the house (and was overlooked).There was gas lighting that permeated the house on a consistent basis. How did it come? For me, my sexuality was questioned by my family including the family member who abused me) because I didn’t have a girlfriend. The way you act around the house shows signs that you’re immature (of course, being autistic was never questioned).Even though I was the only one who was interested in God during my childhood, my parents were the most anti-church group of people you ever wanted to meet.

So how did I go through high school? Well, I stayed to myself a lot. You could say my anxiety levels were extremely high (due to my undetected autism, and survival). I was trying to find an out and someone to appreciate me – sadly I had no concept of love at all. And granted, when I went through school, I was considered immature because of my undetected autism. I was different, and that I was only good for being a friend.
You could say that my childhood really affected my concept of relationships, and trying to find something that would bring me joy. Well, the irony of that was in 1996, I believe the Lord wanted me to rid of every woman that I was supposedly interested in so that I could make an intelligent decision to give my life to Him.
Still in the healing process, there were some things that I did that I thought was God, but the truth was, it was me and putting God’s name on it (knowing full well, that was all me). How many of you can testify to this? The beauty of God is that He knows my flaws, my mental and emotional stability, and He’s the only one who loves me regardless (the same holds true for you too). He wants a relationship with me, just like He wants one with you.
Oh yes, you’re probably wondered what happened when I reconnected with Carla via Facebook. Well, she apologized for how she treated me. I accepted her apology and I apologized for how I treated her. I also stated that I was in a time in life where I was attracted to any woman who had a pulse.
Why was that? For me, it was cover up a lot of pain that I had inside (remember, I was 15, and I was dealing with so much abuse since childhood). The more I think about it, middle school and high school for me was really about who could rap, who could dance, and who had a girlfriend. Well, I could rap (and sing), I couldn’t dance, and I sure didn’t have a girlfriend. You could say that I went through a lot of my life hurt and lonely, and couldn’t figure out why. Well, when I realized that the abuse had done so much damage to me, lately, I have had to let the Lord speak to me as I now understand the art of ‘shut yo’ mouth!’
Most of my 20s and 30s was spent with a wall up to protect my heart because of the pain that I had endured. For me, it became a norm even as the Lord is breaking some of them even as I type this. But at the same time, most of the problems in this arena actually resided with me. Now, the actual abuse was NOT my fault. And if you have been abused, rejected or abandoned either in childhood or due to a bad relationship, that is NOT your fault. I don’t care if so-called friends and even church members say that it is. They are lying to you and leaguing with the devil to further prevent your healing process.
I know for many reading this, this is a hard thing to do – to look at the abuse you suffered to see if this plays a role in the committed relationships you’ve been in (or lack of – like me). But the God that I serve wants to heal those wounds and scars in you and me. He wants to heal our mental and emotional psyche that the devil is striving to destroy within us. Jesus is asking each of us, “Will You Be Made Whole?” I pray that you will man up (or woman up) and say yes even though this healing of abuse process is difficult. One more thing, know that you may not ever get closure from the ones who abused you, abandoned you, rejected you, or neglected you (I’m referring to childhood here, not domestic abuse). If you give God those parts that you desire closure in, He will bring you closure. Surrender the BAM (bitter, angry, mean) state to Him so that He can give you a heart to forgive them (but more importantly, forgive yourself). We deserve to be free, we deserve to have our years restored, and we deserve to be made whole! If we desire to be in a relationship (even after all that we endured in life), we deserve full healing in our lives because it’s God’s will that we be made whole! Healing is the children’s bread. He’s waiting on us to come to Him and lay ourselves before Him. He loves us so much.
If this blogpost wasn’t for anybody else, this was definitely for me.
Blessings,

The Mayne Man