Jane Routley's Blog, page 12
February 2, 2013
Plastic Dog Sausage Lust
Last Friday picked up a shopping bag containing one zoo T Shirt, one dog toy consisting of a string of grinning toy sausages and one Incredible Hunk mobile phone cover. Put it in lost property where it will probably go in the brotherhood bin if unclaimed. But I was seriously tempted to make off with the dog toy which was cute.
The man who whizzed unwisely
My station in middle of the Royal Melbourne Golf Course and the golf course maintenance men whizz around the place in their ride on mowers. Unfortunately one of them whizzed unwisely over the railway crossing and one of the mower wheels fell off. First thing I knew about it, three maintenance men were struggling to push/pull it off the tracks. I stood there gawping for a time until I realized that my duty in this instance was to call Central and warn the oncoming trains. Hard to take a ride-on-mower seriously as a vehicle but it could probably stop a train. Fortunately by then someone had bought up the Gold Courses Bobcat and the mower was quickly dragged off. The mower was scooting around happily the following day so no real harm done. They have better toys then me, the golf course maintenance men. I’m just happy to have a brush and shovel with a long handle.
January 21, 2013
Tale of the kindly parking inspector
Yesterday as I walked across the crossing to work, a car screamed up and a woman leapt out and rushed into the station. The driver, who turned out to be a parking inspector, told me that when she’d got out of the train at the previous stop, her 8 year old daughter hadn’t made it in time and had been left on the train. He’d driven her down to our station where a family had taken the missing child under their wing. Mother and daughter had been tearfully reunited by the time I reached the waiting room.
As I was preparing to leave work, a man with two huge sticks got out of the train. They turned out not to be wizards staffs but fire sticks and he was looking for a nice big piece of parkland to practice his fire stick spinning in. Thinking he’d terrify the golfers I directed him to a nearby oval. Such a useful Jane.
As I was preparing to leave work, a man with two huge sticks got out of the train. They turned out not to be wizards staffs but fire sticks and he was looking for a nice big piece of parkland to practice his fire stick spinning in. Thinking he’d terrify the golfers I directed him to a nearby oval. Such a useful Jane.
January 11, 2013
How hard can it be??? (apologies to Jeremy Clarkson)
The Royal Melbourne Hospitals’ mobility unit is just nearby and so one of the “features” of my new station is limbless people. I have made friends with a young one legged Palestinian man who pushes round a wheelchair so that he can rest while he gets used to his new leg. Yesterday he showed me a list of new names he is making. Apparently the people he sees daily can’t manage his real name so he trying to work out what to change it too. Since his real name is the same as a well known Australia river, I’m not sure what their problem is. I told him they should learn and he said they hadn’t in the year he’d known them so they were unlikely to start now.
January 3, 2013
In memory of cats?
Station Stories
The Zoo is very busy at the moment and hence the station is also busy. One family – granny, mother and daughter stood out for me, because it was Granny who was covered in tatts. As she got on the train I saw that they were all the faces of cats. Were they memorials to all the cats she’d owned in her life, I wonder?
The Zoo is very busy at the moment and hence the station is also busy. One family – granny, mother and daughter stood out for me, because it was Granny who was covered in tatts. As she got on the train I saw that they were all the faces of cats. Were they memorials to all the cats she’d owned in her life, I wonder?
December 31, 2012
The lady in red
A very strange figure got off the train around 3pm on the opposite platform a couple of weeks ago. As it tottered down the station towards me it proved to be a woman in a long red evening dress, her dark hair covered with the hood that was part of the dress. Black high heels completed the ensemble. She stopped at a bin to throw out a bottle and to light a cigarette.
I tried and failed not to stare so she waved and said hello. Assuming she’d been out all night, I said “Did you have a good evening?” and she said something about the races and tips. Then as she came even with me I saw that she was wearing a false arm, which she held very realistically but you could see the arm and straps across her back under the sleeveless dress. “I’m 38 and about to become a grandmother,” she yelled cheerily at me. My 20 year old is pregnanat. What more else could I yell back but “Congratulations.” Oh if only I could know the back story here.
I tried and failed not to stare so she waved and said hello. Assuming she’d been out all night, I said “Did you have a good evening?” and she said something about the races and tips. Then as she came even with me I saw that she was wearing a false arm, which she held very realistically but you could see the arm and straps across her back under the sleeveless dress. “I’m 38 and about to become a grandmother,” she yelled cheerily at me. My 20 year old is pregnanat. What more else could I yell back but “Congratulations.” Oh if only I could know the back story here.
December 17, 2012
Station Stories - Dominance games
Station stories
The male lion in the zoo has been expressing his dominance lately by roaring at midday - astonishing to think that a flesh and blood body little bigger in volume than a humans can produce such mighty huffs of sound.
Out on the platform I have my own dominant wildlife. A couple of clans of noisy miners (a native bird of great aggression and personality) live in the trees above platform 2. They share this territory with some magpies. Recently the two sets of birds drove off an unfortunate crested pigeon which had the cheek to come into their territory with great determination and a lot of lost feathers. They are quite fearless - willing to come up to your very shoe in order to pick bits of jelly bean and potato chip off the platform. They can’t manage big pieces with their little beaks so I crush any large chunks of chip or biscuit with my feet so they can eat them up. This doesn’t mean the ungrateful little sods recognize my right to be there. They fly through the waiting room, little grey missiles with pointed yellow nose cones. I’m not sure whether they are dive-bombing me or not, but sometimes they come so close their wings brush me so it’s hard not to take it personally.
The male lion in the zoo has been expressing his dominance lately by roaring at midday - astonishing to think that a flesh and blood body little bigger in volume than a humans can produce such mighty huffs of sound.
Out on the platform I have my own dominant wildlife. A couple of clans of noisy miners (a native bird of great aggression and personality) live in the trees above platform 2. They share this territory with some magpies. Recently the two sets of birds drove off an unfortunate crested pigeon which had the cheek to come into their territory with great determination and a lot of lost feathers. They are quite fearless - willing to come up to your very shoe in order to pick bits of jelly bean and potato chip off the platform. They can’t manage big pieces with their little beaks so I crush any large chunks of chip or biscuit with my feet so they can eat them up. This doesn’t mean the ungrateful little sods recognize my right to be there. They fly through the waiting room, little grey missiles with pointed yellow nose cones. I’m not sure whether they are dive-bombing me or not, but sometimes they come so close their wings brush me so it’s hard not to take it personally.
December 4, 2012
Dumb ways to die
No doubt you’ve heard about the new Metro rail safety campaign "Dumb ways to die" that’s gone viral on the net (30 million hits on the last viewing) I’ve had concrete proof of its popularity over the last two days. Twice now classes of primary school kids have fallen on the poster (mine shows a cute little blobbly person who has sold his kidneys on the internet). They’ve taken photos and started singing the song. Enough to make some Ad mans eyes gleam.
November 16, 2012
My new Station
As of October 2012 I have been redeployed to a new station near Melbourne Zoo. Its a much more tourist focused kind of job. On the one hand I really miss all my old friends at my previous station especially Haci the kioskman and my lovely partner, Mel. Over 6 years I've got to know a lot about the people in my area and now I'll never find out whether the Malyasian lady had a boy or a girl. On the other hand there are consolations in working to the sound of monkeys hooting and lions huffing and the hours are much better.
Station stories
I have to say it’s not as exciting at my new station. This weeks highlight -
A kinder class coming home after a zoo trip. They always have one adult per two children and adults always sit them firmly down on the waiting room bench and stand over the sweet little kids as if they were prison guards at Guantanmo bay. They are clearly terrified (understandably) of losing someone. This week brought a particularly smart kinder teacher who kept her charges happy by playing a singing game with them.
Willaby Wallaby Woo, An elephant sat one [add the name of the pupil whose name rhymes with the last word] etc. Good work that teacher! Give her a raise. A big improvement on one I had later in the week, who after a day at the Zoo with a group of vigourous ten years olds, had clearly lost the will to live (not that I blame her) so that I had to be the one to prevent them from pressing the red button (more than three times) and making the myki software crash. Still it is a bit vanilla. Could it be that I miss the Local Mental Health Issue? Surely not!
Station stories
I have to say it’s not as exciting at my new station. This weeks highlight -
A kinder class coming home after a zoo trip. They always have one adult per two children and adults always sit them firmly down on the waiting room bench and stand over the sweet little kids as if they were prison guards at Guantanmo bay. They are clearly terrified (understandably) of losing someone. This week brought a particularly smart kinder teacher who kept her charges happy by playing a singing game with them.
Willaby Wallaby Woo, An elephant sat one [add the name of the pupil whose name rhymes with the last word] etc. Good work that teacher! Give her a raise. A big improvement on one I had later in the week, who after a day at the Zoo with a group of vigourous ten years olds, had clearly lost the will to live (not that I blame her) so that I had to be the one to prevent them from pressing the red button (more than three times) and making the myki software crash. Still it is a bit vanilla. Could it be that I miss the Local Mental Health Issue? Surely not!
August 16, 2012
Peanut butter super hero
Today the Crystal lady was in great distress (although not willing to miss her train) because she had dropped a container of freshly made organic peanut butter on the train tracks. I leapt in to help like the hero station host I am. Although these days railway employees are forbidden to enter the Pit (this is the evocative name we rail types use for the area of train track between the platforms
) I do have a Scoopy Thing. This thing, which is a plastic milk bottle cut in half and attached to a pole, created by some great hero station officer of times past, enables me to fish all kinds of things mostly mobile phones safely out of the Pit.
The ST performed admirably but to be honest, I’m not sure the Crystal Lady will want the peanut butter as the jar has a big germ emitting crack in it. Still that’s her decision for tomorrow.
My job - making the world safe for peanut butter!!!!
) I do have a Scoopy Thing. This thing, which is a plastic milk bottle cut in half and attached to a pole, created by some great hero station officer of times past, enables me to fish all kinds of things mostly mobile phones safely out of the Pit.
The ST performed admirably but to be honest, I’m not sure the Crystal Lady will want the peanut butter as the jar has a big germ emitting crack in it. Still that’s her decision for tomorrow.
My job - making the world safe for peanut butter!!!!
