Nichole Giles's Blog, page 15

When You Think You Stand Alone

Remember when you were in high school and there was that one group of popular kids? Remember wanting so badly to just be accepted, or to fit in, but feeling like every time you tried, you fell flat on your face?
That feeling of standing alone in a crowded room, screaming, while the world ignores you—it happens to adults, too. I was reminded of this last week when talking to a friend who’d experienced a similar thing in a working-environment. The difference, I think, is that as teenagers, we don’t have the same understanding of the world as the adult versions of ourselves. This makes it both better, and worse.
Better, because usually our adult selves have other people in our lives. People who love us and who depend on us and who are there to make sure our world continues turning. We have that knowledge somewhere in our mind (however deep it’s buried) that we are all people. And people are complex, with insecurities and self-confidence issues, and fear of the unknown.
But it’s worse as an adult because no one—no matter our age—wants to be thrown into a time-warp and sent back to high school. No one.
Here’s the thing. That clique? The so-called “cool kids club”? It’s not really all it’s cracked up to be. It’s fueled by drama, angst, pain, fear—and very, very rarely by joy. Because the people who feel true joy are the people who don’t feel the need to gather their friends into a group and hold tight to the boundaries. People who feel joy are the people who want to share that joy with everyone. People who have true self confidence don’t feel the need to cut others down or stomp on their opinions or words or work or thoughts. People who feel true joy are the people who are a joy to be around.
And those people attract others who know how to find joy. That particular group grows so fast that it ceases to be a group, and tends to be a whole lot of individuals just being friends. Those friends, being individuals, never have to stand alone because they stand for something much, much bigger. An equality of living and a sharing of life, love, happiness, and friendship.
Those individuals will always attract others, and because of that, there is no high-school-themed-clique-style-drama required.
My point is, just be yourself. The best self you can be. And you will never have to stand alone. Unless there are zombies coming. Then you better learn to run fast. 

Choosing Which Events to Attend

Wednesday I posted about not being able to attend every conference or writing event I want to attend. To read more, scroll to the previous post.
I don’t know how you do it, but this is how I decide on where my time and money will be best spent:
1.       Location. How far do I have to travel, and how long will it take me to do that, and how much will it cost?a.       If I need a plane ticket and hotel room, I need to really weigh those costs, along with the conference price. b.      Is there an upcoming conference or event that might offer similar classes or opportunities that will perhaps cost less? c.       Will I be able to continue writing while I travel, or will I spend 6 hours driving? And is it worth going if that’s the case?
2.       What will I get out of this conference/activity? a.       Sometimes I go strictly for social reasons or to support other authors or organizations—and that’s perfectly okay. It doesn’t all have to be about learning or pitching or work-shopping. But…b.      Will I learn something new or find assistance with the thing on which I need the most help? (This could be writing, marketing, formatting, pitching, querying, self promotion, blogging, online networking, publishing, etc.) OR…c.       Am I going to connect with other people in my profession? If so, is this event going to be well attended or intimate?
3.       What will I have to give up to participate? a.       A couple years ago, I skipped a great conference because my daughter had been invited (at the last minute) to participate in an out of town soccer tournament, and I didn’t want to send her alone. To me, her tournament was more important. I know others who have left conferences for karate tournaments, birthday parties, etc. I think it’s important that we know our priorities, and not compromise them. There will always be another activity or conference.  
4.       Who will be part of this event?  a.       Are the instructors people whose classes you have attended three times already, or are you going to learn from someone new? b.      Are you going to support a friend or to meet new people?c.       Will you hide in the bathroom or branch out and socialize? (If you’d rather hide out, you should be going to a more intimate conference, IMO.)d.      Is an agent or editor to whom you’d like to pitch or who you’d like to meet going to be present? What about an author? Other type of instructor? e.      Are you going for academic or social reasons? (Either is okay, so long as you know what’s important to you.)     
5.       What is included in the price?a.       Will you have meals included or is that another expense? Are you expected to pack a lunch or will they offer snacks for purchase? What kind of time will you have should you choose to go out?b.      Does it cost more to pitch? To workshop? To attend a social event? c.       Are these things that matter to you?
6.       Word of mouth. Who is talking about this conference and why?a.       Because seriously, the best conferences get talked about. By everyone. You know it’s worth going when that’s ALL anyone can discuss during a three day period or whatever. Does that mean you need to suck it up and spend the money? Not always. See the above list and think about those first.
7.       Finally: Are you going to regret not going?a.       Meaningless analogy: I once told a friend if I can find a piece of jewelry that I think I love, but then walk away from it, and have forgotten it an hour later, it wouldn’t have been a good purchase. b.      Apply this way of thinking to conferences: If you think you love a conference, but can miss it without a bucket of regret a few days later, you probably didn’t miss as much as you think you did. And if you do regret it, plan to go the next year, since the best conferences tend to come around annually.
8.       One last thought: I’ve never gone to a conference/activity/workshop from which I didn’t gain SOMETHING important. Ever. So if you can afford to attend everything, and can physically handle it AND keep writing AND keep up with your family, friends, etc, then do it. Seriously. What do you have to lose?

And there you have it.  Eight things to consider when you’re building your personal writing investment portfolio.
Today’s question: Which events are you attending this year? Why?

A Personal Investment

And no, I’m not talking about stocks and bonds or whatever, but writer’s conferences. They all cost money. More importantly, they cost us time. As do book signings, and gatherings, and other bookish-type events.
But we go, partly because it’s necessary, and partly because the investment of our time, and often our money, is most likely to have a return. The writing profession is like one of those slow growing bonds that has potential to pay off, but might take a ridiculously long time. Or not. Depends on who you talk to.  
No two investments are the same. No two writing conferences cost the same amount of money, nor do they all run for the same amount of time. And then you have to look at what classes or discussions they offer, and other services, and what’s included, and if you’ll need to also pay for accommodations and transportation…
You get the drift, yeah? So how do you make a decision like that? Especially when, like me, you would prefer to go to everything, be involved with and support everyone, yet have limited funds or time to do so? (I still have yet to find a time-turner.)
Recently, someone kindly reminded me that it is my debut year, and that I need to make sure each thing I attend is going to be worth my investment. And she’s right. I do. These things add up. Both the cost and the time commitments. Suddenly, I have deadlines to keep and swag to buy and promotions to run.
Last week, I missed a conference I have attended for years, because it is now a long distance conference for me (when it wasn’t before), which would have included buying a plane ticket, staying in a hotel, and probably renting a car. During that same time frame, I also missed two or three other fun signing events. In May, there is another conference, another similar situation. I choose to attend that one instead. Because we can’t do everything or be everywhere, no matter how much we wish we could.
How do you choose your best investment of time and money when it comes to your career? (Stay tuned for Friday’s post, when I will answer this question myself.)

Fun Stuff and a Thought About Love

This week, I’m diving into planning fun events leading up to the release of my book, Descendant. The first in a long string of fun things, Giselle at Xpresso Reads is coordinating my cover reveal for March 4th. Anyone can sign up, and there is no limit to how many people can participate. If you’re interested, you can sign up here.
I’m also working on bookmarks, posters, and other fun swag. What does this mean? Uh, prizes. Contests. Chances to win. And maybe, possibly teasers. Exclusive stuff. Not announcing any other dates yet, but working on it, so stay tuned.
*takes a moment to jump up and down squealing*
Please forgive my excitement. It’s just that I thought this day might never come, and it’s ALMOST HERE! And I intend to celebrate in a very big way. I hope you will all join me.
On a different subject, last weekend, a very dear friend of mine came to visit me in Texas. She knows I’ve been feeling a little homesick for my Utah people, and so she did what only the best of friends would do. She bought a last minute plane ticket, and came to hang out for a couple way-too-short days.
And even though I shed a few tears when she left, her visit was so good for me. Because no matter where we live or what we spend our time doing, everyone needs to feel loved sometimes. Not just by our spouses or children (although, that’s also really important), but by other people who matter to us. We all need to be reminded that, regardless of how it sometimes feels, we are not alone.    
So, with that thought in mind, what have you done recently to show someone special that you love them?

Books are Still For Lovers

Last year, my friend Lisa put together Books are for Lovers, a sort-of support campaign aimed at brick and mortar bookstores. And let’s face it, bookstores need love too. I don’t think anyone wants to see physical bookstores disappear from society, even if we read more e-books than regular ones.
Ink and paper books just have a distinctly special smell, a texture that cannot be imitated, and the experience of reading one is completely different from that of reading an electronic book.
So this Valentine’s Day, we encourage you to treat yourself, and maybe even those you love, to a real ink and paper book from a brick and mortar store. Barnes and Noble, independent bookstores, wherever your community goes to buy books in person.
I’m going. Not sure what I’ll choose, but I have a list of books I’d love to read, so we’ll see what I can find. The question is how many will come home with me.
If you participate, be sure to stop by and tell me what you bought! Oh, and also, visit Lisa’s blog and enter the Books are for Lovers contest.
Speaking of lovers, being the hopeless and ridiculous romantic that I am, I love Valentine’s Day. Not because I receive expensive gifts or get to eat out (though, that does happen on rare occasions), but because I love when people express their love for others. I love to give my kids a special little something—even if it’s just a chocolate bar. I don’t need an excuse, of course, but having a day designated for that expression is sometimes a good reminder for people, and the truth is, I think we all need reminders sometimes.
So tell me, what are you doing for the people you love this week?

A Declaration of Truth

(for my new friends and readers)
In case you haven’t already figured this out, my name is Nichole, and I’m a writer.
I say this in the same way as I would were I confessing to an addiction, because in many ways, it feels like one. You see, writers—we don’t always behave the way people expect, or in ways that others see as normal. Sometimes, we’re social. Especially when we’re in the company of other writers or artists. And when we are, we talk and laugh and behave as though we live in real society. Or, what feels to us like real society.
Other times, we appear to be very far away. It’s entirely possible that a writer will walk or drive right by someone they know—someone who is a good friend, even—and not see them. Not acknowledge or hear or speak to them. This is not a show of anger or disrespect. More than likely, it’s because our minds are on the other voices we hear—the ones that speak only inside our heads. Go ahead and talk to us if you want. Real voices are usually loudest.
Writers are observers by nature. We are the people who attend sports games and watch, but sometimes don’t speak. Most likely, we have not only seen and catalogued the game, but also every conversation, mannerism, name, and rule—broken and followed. We somehow manage to capture and remember pain, joy, and confusion in a single expression, in a single moment.  
We are the describers of emotion, who sometimes delve so deeply into our own feelings that we come out on the other side bruised, battered, and occasionally permanently scarred. We are warriors of words, fighters of battles, healers of hurts, wielders of the sharpest weapons ever invented.
For a writer, staring at the wall for an hour sometimes counts as a productive day. 50,000 words in a month is completely doable if it happens to be November. Another month, 5,000 words feels like an unreachable number.
We sometimes run internet searches about things like poison and weapons and chemical or biological warfare, and then talk about these things in public without causing alarm. We are the people who will go shooting just so we can accurately describe how it feels to hold a gun, and who might fictionally murder someone who has wronged us in real life. We are the people who cry when our villains die, because no matter how bad they are, we are their parent, and we love them.
Sometimes our homes are spotless and organized and efficient. Dinner is made and the laundry is folded and put away. And then we wake up, and realize that we haven’t actually done housework for weeks.  
We believe in magic, and fairies, and mermaids, vampires, and werewolves. We have seen the end of the world, and who survives and how they live. We have started revolutions and fought wars.  We know what it is to truly, deeply love, and the power found in that. We know about destruction caused by hate.
Some writers wake before dawn and write in the wee hours of morning, others (like me) do our best work after midnight. (Side note: I am almost never coherent before 10:00 a.m.)
The endless list continues, but alas, this post cannot. This is merely a glimpse.
My name is Nichole, and I have experienced all of the above.
I am a writer. 

You Are Adequate. No, Really, You Are!

I’ve been stuck lately. Seriously handicapped in my ability to create, because in a creative field like writing, everything I do, everything I produce, comes from inside of me. My head, my heart, my innermost-hidden soul. And, um, turns out, it’s hard to dig into my hidden soul when I’m trying so hard to just function in this entirely new environment.
It’s a problem.
I’ve tried a lot of tricks that have worked for me in the past. Working out. Going for a drive. Shopping. Long bubble baths. Walking on the beach (which is new, and usually the most inspiring thing I can think to do). Yeah. Not so much.
And then…
In cleaning off a shelf, I came across my to-be-read pile, the one that has grown enormously since I moved, due to the fact that I also haven’t done any reading. And I thought, “hey, can’t hurt.” I picked one by an author who has always inspired me to be a better writer, and I read a page. Then a chapter.
And I remembered all the reasons I am inadequate, all the reasons why I will never write something so amazing as what this author writes, and all the reasons why I should probably bury my head in the sand (now that I live by a beach) and quit.
Then I opened my computer and got back to work.
Because I also remembered that the reasons I will never write the way that author writes is because I am ME. And I can write something incredibly amazing and wonderful, but absolutely different from her. I have the ability to do great things and to be awesome, all by myself. And I am the only one who can figure out how to overcome my issues and be better, be artistic and profound and better than remarkable.
I can be adequate.
It’s my choice.
And yours. Choose to be adequate. And get back to work. 

Trends in Entertainment

Have you all noticed the trend in fairytale based movies lately? Oh, and TV shows, too. Once Upon a Time, anyone? (Yes, I am a big fan, just FYI. If you haven’t already, I recommend checking it out.) Two current versions of Snow White, Red Riding Hood (which I finally saw), and now Hansel and Gretel (which I need to see). And if we look back a few years, some great, and fairly current, versions of Cinderella.
And personally, I really like this trend, because I have always been a big fan of fairy tales.  Seriously, who doesn’t love a little happily ever after every now and then?
Also, I’m hearing (and seeing) announcements for a number of multi-cultural historical books being sold, which I find exciting, because these stories are different, and different is interesting.  And I am also a fan of culture and history, so putting the two together sounds like a good combination to me.
What else? Alternate reality stories. LOVE. Great stories about plagues, and toppled governments, and characters who leap off the pages with their tough bravado as they try to restore and rebuild broken societies.
I’m excited about all these trends, and looking forward to seeing the movies and reading the books. What about you? What new trends/movies/books are you exciting to you?

Little Details

Last week I talked about THINGS. The previous week, it was questions like why and what if. This week, I’m thinking about important details that might just make all the difference. Because sometimes, it’s the small things that can make or break a story, a day, a change, or, you know whatever.
For instance, when you buy a house, big things will decide whether or not you look, but it’s the small things that often make the sale. The extras, like tile instead of vinyl, porcelain versus fiberglass, solid wood as compared to pressed board. A water view or a pool?
This also applies to story. Little details can make or break a story. These are the things that really involve a reader and make them care about where the story is set, and what happens to the characters. What matters to your character? Why? Who is important to them? Who do they trust or distrust? And what would they do to protect those people or those things?
And on a smaller scale, it is often small things that have the potential for making someone’s day. A kind word. A smile. An offered chair. A good deed. A helpful tip.
Now it’s your turn. What small things make a difference to you today?

Confronting the Things

In the previous post, I talked about small things, and how much harder everything else becomes when we try to cram in too much. It’s easy to say we’re going to cut out those small things, but not as easy to implement those changes. Every so often, this involves confronting people, or behaviors, or inner demons, or real ones  or whatever whatever.
Most of the time, I’d prefer to hide my head under a pillow and ignore the thing until it goes away. But. Doesn’t generally work, because when I remove the pillow the THING is still there. And it seems bigger. Like it grew when I wasn’t looking.  (It’s a THING in all caps.)
And then it’s harder to confront. But it still needs to be done. Vocally, physically, emotionally confronted.
*grumbles and whines*
It takes courage to speak up. To disagree. To *gulp* say no (especially when you originally said yes out of guilt or fear or whatever). But courage is one of those bricks we need. A really important one. So, it needs to be molded and fired to just the right shape.
I think I have that courage. But my well is running a little dry, so I’ll have to scoop way down to find it. But when I do, I’ll confront all the THINGS that consume me, and vanquish them. And then, my friends, I’ll figure out where to put the next brick.
What about you? Do you have a hard time confronting your THINGS?