Jon Acuff's Blog, page 114

Tim Tebow: The Christian Girl's Heartthrob

(It's guest post Friday! Here's one from Hannah Parsley. She writes a blog called Hannappenings . If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here's how!) 

Tim Tebow: The Christian Girl's Heartthrob - By Hannah Parsley

So, I'm pretty sure the only reason Tim Tebow and I aren't in love is because we haven't met yet. Give it time…and divine intervention.

If Christians had a Tiger Beat-esque magazine (which I like to imagine would be called Aslan Beat, obviously) every week's cover would probably be Tim Tebow. Who better deserving than a quarterback who puts verses under his eyes each week, is building a hospital in the Philippines, and tweets pictures of his dog and family? I mean, seriously, if you are a Christian girl and you have any interest in sports whatsoever, you are mildly in love.

Now I realize that Tebow has been getting massive amounts of press lately. I read that he was mentioned more on Twitter after his playoff win against the Steelers than the Royal Wedding. Really? The Royal Wedding was sort of iconic. But even before the secular press got involved, the Christian Girl knew of the quality- man potential that is Tim Tebow.

We knew…

We knew he was so humble and would always give credit to his teammates.

We knew that "Tebowing" is genuine and not just a publicity ploy to create an internet photo craze.

We knew that Tim would give us all exciting football entertainment by waiting until the fourth quarter to bring it together for a win. How considerate.

We knew that homeschooled footballer would one day shock the world by taking his team to the playoffs.

All my Christian girls, we knew.

Question:

If you think Tim Tebow isn't the official Christian Girls heartthrob, who is?

(For more great stuff from Hannah, check out her blog or follow her on Twitter.)

SCLQ – A quick lesson about competition.

I love HelloSomebody.

They do great things for great causes with great watches.

Last fall they helped us send 6 Rwandan kids through a yearlong leadership program. And this year, we're talking about working together on an even bigger project. Recently though, they gave me a lesson in leadership I wanted to pass on to you.

If you do something well, people will imitate you. So when folks saw HelloSomebody using watches to change the world, a few people copied the watch and started to do the same thing.

This was at frustrating to me at first because I consider Manny, one of the people who helps run HelloSomebody, a friend.

So I talked to him about it.

I asked him if it bothered him that people had copied the idea. (How ironic of me to even dare ask that question given that SCL was started in response to SWPL?)

I asked him what he thought about competition, and his response was perfect. Here is what he told me.

"At end of the day poverty, hunger, lack of water, that's our competition. That is what needs to keep me awake at night."

Wow, in the midst of my pettiness, in the midst of me worrying about being original or what other people do with the watches, Manny straightened me out.

Poverty.

Hunger.

Lack of water.

That's the competition Manny is concerned about.

If you bought a HelloSomebody watch last year, thanks. As Manny reminded me last week and I reminded you today, you jumped in the ring with some big competition. And I'm glad you did!

SCLQ – Jack White & God & Creativity

This is a quote from Jack White (White Stripes front man, troubadour, musical genius.)

I agree with him.

To that, I would add what my friend Thad told me once. He said:

"The best albums are received, not written. They're gifts you get and then share with other people. You can often hear the difference on someone's second album. Their first album was a creative gift from God and then on the second one they tried in their own power to repeat it. And they grinded it out and it's nowhere near as beautiful."

I think that's true of books and blogs and conversations and life in general. I think amazing things happen when God is in the room. The best things I've ever written, I don't remember writing. I can't take credit for them because I don't feel like I created them; I feel like I received them.

What about you? How do you think God shows up in creativity?

Shining up our scars.

I don't remember what it felt like when the steel bar tore through my face. The moment it happened, my body was flooded with adrenaline and I got drunk on survival. I hit the ground running, blood pouring from a wound that would require plastic surgery and hope. But I probably need to back this story up.

In the seventh grade, I was in love with my Santa Cruz Rob Roskopp skateboard. It was my whole world. And one day, I thought it would be fun to jump off a concrete loading dock at a factory. (I was constantly gleaming the cube in the seventh grade.) The plan was to grab what I thought was a stable bar and swing from it while my skateboard sailed off the four-foot drop.

Unfortunately, they load and unload things on loading docks, and the bar was unattached for convenience. When I grabbed it, the bar fell immediately, catching me squarely on a nose that would never be the same. I could have been killed, the force of the blow sandwiching my head between the concrete loading dock and the steel bar. The doctor said I could have lost all my teeth, but they were anchored in from the braces I had received a week earlier.

So for a few crazy seconds I ran through the streets, my face in my hands, my blood on my arms, while cars streamed around me angrily reacting to what they thought was a teenage prank. Finally, a red pickup truck stopped and gave me a ride.

Some of that day has begun to blur, the edges becoming fuzzy under the weight of so many years. But one thing I will never forget is the look on the driver's face when I gave him my personal assessment of the accident. I clearly remember his expression, when I turned to him and said:

"I hope this is just a bloody nose."

That would prove to be a foolish statement. It ended up taking dozens of stitches to keep my nose on my face. My cheekbones were fractured. Years later I had to get plastic surgery to stay hott with two t's. It was a serious accident.

And yet I told a stranger I probably had a bloody nose.

I think sometimes we do the same thing with our faith. We take the blood and gore of our lives, the sin and the failure and the hurt and the horror, and we tell everyone that everything is OK. We cover our limps with holy-looking actions and keep moving on with our lives. We hide the bad stuff and highlight the good stuff until no one can tell that things aren't perfect. We shine up our scars until they look good enough to not be considered scars.

I don't know where this temptation comes from. It might start the minute you become a Christian. It can be such a powerful, life-transforming experience. Things feel different, and you feel alive sometimes like you've never felt before. And when the gross creeps back in, when the high of a retreat wears off, when reality comes back and we realize we aren't perfect, we get afraid. We fear that our initial moment of faith was fake or not good enough. It didn't "count." Christianity "didn't take" to us.

So instead of telling people we know that things are bad, that we are still doing things that are opposite of what God calls us to, we sweep them under the rug. We take our first hit of the very dangerous drug called "Hide."

And there's a great story about hiding in the Bible. If you've read this site for more than 15 minutes, you already know exactly what story I'm talking about. Luke 15 and the Prodigal Son.

Have you ever thought about what type of party the father threw the son?

A welcome home party.

The father doesn't throw him a "you never left" party. He doesn't call the servants excitedly to get things ready for the "everything is fine" party. Not at all, he makes a point of saying, "Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'

He says that twice. Once to the servants and once to the older brother. The father got it. The reason to celebrate was not that things were perfect. It was that the son had been lost, voluntarily so, and was now found. He had been willingly dead by leaving but was now alive. The hopelessness of being lost and dead was part of what made the reality of being found and alive so bright and true and undeniable.

The truth is that I don't know your story. And I'm not telling you to get into a "look how bad my past was" contest with other people or that "if you want an even bigger party, wreck your life in even bigger ways first!" I don't know what kind of baggage you're carrying right now or what kind of scars you're shining.

I don't know if you hate God or left the church years ago for some really valid reasons. Maybe this post isn't for you, and you're supposed to send it to a friend. I don't know your story, but I do know mine. I used to write church prayer devotionals during the day and take ecstasy at night. I mortgaged years of my life to things that wrecked me. I've been a sucky husband, a bad dad, and an embarrassing son. But you know what? God loves me.

Stop shining your scars. It's OK for them to be painful. The things you did and the things you had done to you hurt, and admitting that out loud doesn't add more failure to your heart. If anything, it creates a lighthouse of sickness in you for the doctor, Jesus, who came looking for the sick.

We're having a welcome home party. And it won't be nearly as fun or as sarcastic or as interesting without you.

SCLQ – Tipping

We've talked about how you should never tip with just a tract.

We've talked about how you should never tip with a tract that looks like a $10 bill.

We've talked about how working the Sunday lunch shift should be the best shift of the week, not the worst.

But there's a new tip theological dilemma I need some help with. We need to get a ruling on this. Here's my question:

Do you tip the guy who made your burrito?

Let's say you've just ordered a delicious burrito at Chipotle. You're walking down the line telling them all the ingredients you want on it. Yes, yes, guac is extra. I know. I know. Do I want to buy chips? Surely you jest! Pay for chips? That's the Mexican equivalent of paying for the little bread plate at an Italian restaurant. (Don't get any ideas Macaroni Grill.)

You get to the register to pay for your meal, at which point you'll carry it yourself back to your seat and … do you tip?

I am of two minds on this:

1. No, you don't tip.

If you tip the meal maker at Chipotle or Panera or another place where there aren't waiters and waitresses, you better start doing that at every restaurant you go to. Next time you eat at a sit-down restaurant, you better tip your waitress and then ask, "Can you please give this extra money to the person who most directly handled my entrée in the kitchen? Thanks."

2. Yes, you do tip.

People love tips, and it's a kind thing to do. It's not easy working at a restaurant. Always tip.

I am clearly torn. What say you?

Do you tip the burrito guy or gal?

The SCL Calendar is only $5!

Today you can pick up a copy of the Stuff Christians Like Daily Calendar for only $5. That's 67% off the regular price of $14.99.

Click here to buy one.

And in case you forgot, here's a video of me wearing a lady's snowman sweater extolling the many, many virtues of this calendar.

Solomon invented Twitter.

I don't know how this would technically work, but I'm pretty sure Twitter needs to kick back some royalties to Solomon.

There is no doubt in my mind that the book of Proverbs was the original Twitter.

How do I know? How can I make such a bold, Old Spice Swagger strength statement?

Allow me to make my case:

4 ways Proverbs was the original Twitter

1. Proverbs are tweet length.

Everyone knows that you can only use 140 characters to write tweets. You know who else knew that? Solomon. Let's look at a few examples:

Ill-gotten treasures are of no value, but righteousness delivers from death. (Only 77 characters!)

Blessings crown the head of the righteous, but violence overwhelms the mouth of the wicked. (Only 92 characters!)

In the paths of the wicked lie thorns and snares, but he who guards his soul stays far from them. (Only 98 characters!)

How long do you want to play this game? I can go all day. You think it's an accident Solomon wrote Proverbs in under 140 characters? Think again!

2. Proverbs is full of Twitter advice.

Not only are the lengths right, but if you read Proverbs you can practically hear Solomon begging you to handle Twitter the right way. For example, did you ever get in a fight with someone on Twitter? Some hater that you went back and forth with? Proverbs 9:7 addresses that: "Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse." Never correct a mocker on Twitter! Or maybe you had a hard time securing your name on Twitter. You were late to the game and weren't able to get @jonacuff. You had to name yourself something like @thebillrogers_89NYC. Solomon tried to warn you in Proverbs 22:1, "A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold." It's like a Twitter handbook! Or even better play the Twitter Proverbs games by adding the phrase "on Twitter" to the end of a verse. For instance, Proverbs 12:16, "A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult, on Twitter."

3. Solomon was the wisest man who ever lived.

You think Solomon couldn't have predicted the micro-blog revolution that is Twitter? Even before the Internet existed? Of course he could have. He was the wisest man who ever lived not named Jesus. The real question is, "How frustrating was it for Solomon to invent Twitter and not have a computer to use it on?" Probably wouldn't have lost his way with all those wives had he been able to have some tweet accountability. Something to think about.

4. The Bible is full of inventions.

Solomon wasn't the only one who created things. John the Baptist was a start-up guy. Think about it: Messy clothes, lone wolf personality, brilliant mind, questionable eating habits. What about King David? He invented Napster. Think he was charging for any of those Psalms? Not at all. It was about getting the most music to the most people. Facebook? That's Paul. Timothy was the first person to get friended, and it just made sense to keep tabs on the Galatians that way.

I think the case is pretty clear.

Jack Dorsey, the creator of Twitter, if you're reading this and feel convinced that Solomon created Twitter, I'll accept his royalties for him.

I have a bank account that a business contact of mine from Belgium and Nigeria wants to transfer millions of dollars into. We can probably just use that one.

The 2011 Awesome List.

I did a big "best of series of posts" at the end of the year but there were some other awesome things and people I bumped into in 2011. And if you didn't bump into these same things and people you should. Cause they are awesome:

1. The People of the Second Chance Poster Series. (Big Grace + Big Art = Big Awesome.)

2. Seryn's album "This Is Where We Are." (My favorite album of 2011.)

3. Bob Goff. (82% of the stories I told this year were stories about Bob Goff. Amazing guy.)

4. The Boy, The Kite & The Wind by Al Andrews. (My favorite book of 2011.)

5. Listener and the song "Wooden Heart." (I wore this video out.)

6. Gabby's. (Best hamburger I've ever had. Does that belong on a Stuff Christians Like year-end list? Well, I prayed before I ate it. So, yeah.)

7. The Heart Aroused : Poetry and the Preservation of the Soul in Corporate America by David Whyte. (This book destroyed me in 2011.)

8. Vietnam

That's my list.

What would you put on your 2011 Awesome List?

Penalty flags in church: Service Referees

It's guest post Friday! Here's one from Tor Constantino a former journalist, current PR guy and blogger from DC. He's also authored a book titled A Question of Faith. You can find him here on Twitter and here on Facebook. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here's how!

Penalty Flags in Church: Service Referees – By Tor Constantino

The Sabbath and professional football is a match made in heaven. For decades in this country, a growing majority of Americans have willingly adhered to the fourth commandment of observing the Sabbath by reclining on a couch while observing a healthy amount of the NFL after church.

As the NFL playoffs and Super Bowl get underway, it got me thinking about what church might look like if an important aspect of the game was infused into the weekly service – namely Church Service Referees.

Before I'm chastised for Heisman heresy, hear me out.

The Bible calls for "…order and correction within the [church] body…" it also states that we will "…judge angels…" and it further acknowledges that "…judgment will begin in the house of the Lord…." In fact, I'm fairly certain that the Greek word for judgment in the Septuagint directly translates into "NFL Line Judge."  I could wrong about that.

Regardless, the Church Service Referee could be a rotating volunteer position just like the media team, ushers or child care volunteers. To reduce confusion as to who was the weekly Service Ref, they might wear a modesty sash that holsters a penalty flag.

Here are some possible penalties that might warrant a floating flag from a Church Service Ref.

1. Unnecessary Worship Embellishment

This covers a lot of areas such as being the only churchgoer counter-clapping in the clap gaps of everyone else during worship; over-harmonizing on every single song; as well as trilling up and down the scale like you're auditioning for American Idol.

2. Illegal Seat Blocking

Some attendees use every article of excess clothing, Bibles, bulletins and sermon notes to reserve entire rows or blocks of seats – that's just chair gluttony. Families and individuals should block only one more seat than the number in their group – the extra seat ensures that their bibles have a place to sit when not in use.

 3. Roughing the Elements

This penalty can only occur during communion Sundays and includes: touching multiple communion wafers before selecting one; letting babies backwash into a passing communal cup; expectorating on the platter of symbolic bread and wine; or taking a fistful of "host" crackers as a quick snack to tide you over till lunch.

 4. Delay of Exit

The Service Ref must be vigilant with this penalty since it can occur while trying to exit a row of pews, the doors of the sanctuary, the actual building itself, or the parking lot. These choke points need to be watched more closely than a wily middle linebacker or blitzing safety.

 5. Excessive Sermon Celebration

While rare, young pastors and recent seminary grads are most susceptible to this infraction following a flawlessly delivered 3-point talk. The violation might be characterized by moon walking across the stage, chest bumping the worship leader, giving the youth pastor a noogie, or spiking the sermon notes.

Question: What other penalties might a Church Service Ref watch for?

 

 

 

SCLQ: Caption please.

I feel like I've been pretty clear about my love for worship eagles. I've written about how they would be an awesome addition to any church and have long celebrated their abilities:

1. Being able to swoop in and carry out screaming kids in the middle of service, dropping them directly in foam ball pits.

2. Screaming loudly to emphasize a particularly dramatic point in a sermon.

3. Looking awesome.

I even posted a photo once of one from a church. But a lot of people said, "that's a dove not an eagle." And looking back on the year, you might have been right. That was probably an olive branch in it's beak. I just got over excited and jumped the gun. But not today.

I took this picture on a pier in Orange Beach, Alabama. It was a bulletin board that showed all the massive fish different people caught on the pier. And then I saw this photo, which made absolutely zero sense to me.

 

1. Did that guy catch that osprey on purpose?

2. If you look closely, he's got a feather in his hat, like he's caught one before. Is he an osprey fisherman? Or "ospreyman" as you will?

3. Is that a pet osprey that he just brought down to the pier to show off?

4. If so, where might one acquire a bird like that? Are they legal to own in Middle Tennessee? Hypothetically speaking.

5. How bad does that bird want to attack that guy? Look at his eyes. They are orange balls of bird rage.

So many questions. But the only one that really matters is,

"Now that we've seen actually seen a potential worship eagle, how would you caption this photo?"