Michael Reist's Blog

Avoid Costly Property Damage: Top 30 Restoration Companies in Virginia

Living in Virginia offers diverse experiences—from the scenic Blue Ridge Mountains and Shenandoah Valley to the bustling urban centers of Richmond and Virginia Beach. 

The Old Dominion state has abundant parks and natural resources, so residents and visitors can enjoy hiking, camping, and exploring the great outdoors. It also boasts a rich history, with many historical sites, museums, and landmarks scattered throughout the state. With moderate temperatures and four distinct seasons, Virginia offers a pleasant climate all year round, making it an ideal place to live.

But like other places, the state also experiences natural disasters, which can be costly when they damage your property. Fortunately, many qualified Virginia restoration services are everywhere to help you repair and restore your business or home. 

From PuroClean of Arlington to Paul Davis Restoration and Remodeling of Suburban Virginia, here’s a list of the top 30 companies in Virginia that can help you avoid costly property damage.

30 Best Property Damage Restoration Contractors in Virginia1.PuroClean

Services:

Mold remediation servicesFire & smoke damage restorationBiohazard & virus cleaning servicesReconstructionWater & damage restorationAdditional services (Carpet & upholstery cleaning, commercial services, air duct & vent cleaning, tile & grout cleaning)

Service areas: Note that this company has many branches throughout Virginia, including PuroClean of Fairfax, so you can check your local branch for services and availability.

2. Paul Davis Restoration and Remodeling of Suburban Virginia

Services:

Water & flood damage cleanupFire & smoke damage restorationMold remediationReconstruction servicesHousehold goods & textiles cleaningRemodeling services

Service areas: Suburban Virginia and the surrounding areas

3. United Restoration Inc

Services:

Fire damageWater damageMold remediationStorm damageNew constructionRestoration equipment

Service areas: Virginia Beach, Norfolk, Portsmouth, Chesapeake

4. Emergency Restoration Services LLC

Services:

Water damageFire & smokeMold remediationOther services (reconstruction, content restoration)

Service areas: Virginia Beach, Norfolk, Chesapeake & the surrounding areas

5. ServiceMaster National Capital Restoration

Services:

Water damageMold remediation & testingDisinfection Services (COVID-19, MRSA, Norovirus, etc.)Fire damageFire & smoke damage restorationHoarding & content cleaningTrauma & blood borne pathogen cleaning

Service areas: Fairfax, Prince William, Fauquier, Loudoun

6. Jenkins Restorations

Services:

Board-up & tarpingContents & structural cleaningWater mitigationMold and environmental cleanupRepairing property damaged by water, fire, storm, &other natural disastersDeodorization

Service areas: Virginia Beach area, including Chesapeake, Tidewater, Norfolk, & Hampton Roads

7. Restoration 1 of Charlottesville

Services:

Water damageMold remediation & removalStorm cleanupFire damageReconstructionIndustrial services (Refinery & factory cleanup, air duct cleaning)

Service areas: Charlottesville & the surrounding areas

8. Rainbow Restoration of Harrisonburg & Staunton

Services:

Damage restoration (water damage, restoration & cleanup, mold removal & remediation, smoke & fire, board & tarp over, content pack-out, odor removal)Reconstruction servicesSpecialty services (Biohazard cleanup, emergency response plan)

Service areas: Shenandoah Valley, including Harrisonburg, Staunton, Waynesboro, & Lexington

9. 911 Restoration of Northern Virginia

Services:

Water damage restorationSewer backup cleanupMold removalFire & smoke damage restorationDisaster restorationSanitization servicesCrime scene cleanup

Service areas: Woodbridge, Aylett, Stafford, Fredericksburg, King George, Dumfries, Glen Allen, Triangle, Woodford, Henrico, Quantico, Mechanicsville, Occoquan, Ashland, Richmond City County, Prince William County, Stafford County, Spotsylvania, & the surrounding areas

10. Integrity Building and Restoration Services, LLC

Services:

RoofingRestorationRemodeling

Service areas: Virginia Beach, Chesapeake, Hampton, Norfolk, Suffolk, Portsmouth, Newport News

11. SERVPRO of Virginia Beach, Oceana, Dam Neck and Green Run

Services:

Water damageFire damageMoldStormConstructionSpecialty cleaningGeneral cleaning

Service areas: Virginia Beach, Princess Anne, Kings Grant, Little Creek, North Central, Great Neck, Landstown, Shore Drive, Town Center, Green Run, Pembroke, Hilltop, Diamond Springs, Sandbridge, Fort Story, Independence Boulevard, Oceanfront

12. Semper Dry Water Removal

Services:

Water damageMold remediationSewage backupWater removal

Service areas: Alexandria, Arlington, Centreville, Culpeper, Fairfax, Gainesville, Herndon, King George, Leesburg, Lorton, Manassas, Orange, Reston, Springfield, Stafford, Warrenton, Woodbridge

13. RestorTech, Inc.

Services:

Fire & smoke damageWater damageMold remediationContents restorationPack outs

Service areas: Fairfax County and the surrounding areas, including Northern Virginia

14. RVA Restoration

Services:

Fire damageMold damageStorm damageWater damageMold, asbestos, & lead testingPhotography repairs

Service areas: Richmond and the surrounding areas

15. Professional Restoration Services

Services:

Fire & smokeStorm damageWater damage

Service areas: Richmond area, Fredericksburg area

16. Flood Doctor | Water Damage Restoration Services

Services:

FireWater damage cleanupWater damage home repairMold remediationWater damage restorationWater extractionToxic water damage servicesFlood damage cleanup & repair

Service areas: Ashburn, Arlington, Alexandria, Falls Church, Fairfax, Great Falls, Herndon, Lorton, McLean, Reston, Springfield, Tysons

17. Consolidated Construction Services

Services:

Fire damageWater damageStorm damageMold remediationRemodelingBiohazard cleanup

Service areas: Allegheny County, Bath County, Bedford County, Town of Blacksburg, Botetourt County, Town of Buchanan, Town of Christiansburg, City of Covington, Town of Dublin, Floyd County, Franklin County, City of Galax, Giles County, Henry County, City of Lexington, City of Martinsville, Montgomery County, Pulaski County, Town of Pulaski, City of Radford, City of Roanoke, Roanoke County, City of Salem, Lynchburg & Smith Mountain Lake Communities

18. Kidd’s Restoration & Cleaning Services

Services:

Damage mitigation & environment stabilization, including door & window board-upDebris removalSmoke, soot, & odor removalWater and sewer damage restorationMold remediationProperty storageStructural repair, reconstruction, & remodelContents inventory, cleaning, packaging & storingClothing, furniture, & carpetsElectronics cleaning (audio, video, or computer equipment

Service areas: Lynchburg & the surrounding areas

19. Deep River Restoration

Services:

Water damageFire & smoke damageMold cleanupStorm damageRestoration & contracting

Service areas: Clarksville and the surrounding areas

20. RAM Restoration

Services:

Water damageMold remediation & removalStorm & hurricane damagepersonal property cleaning

Service areas: Alexandria, Arlington, Falls Church, Annandale, Springfield, Mt. Vernon, Burke, Vienna, Tysons Corner, Mclean, Great Falls, Reston, Herndon, Oakton, Fairfax, Fairfax Station, Lorton, Woodbridge, Dale City, Lake Ridge, Dumfries, Manassas, Park

Centreville, Clifton, Nokesville, Gainesville, Haymarket, South Riding, Sterling, Chantilly, Dulles, Brambleton, Ashburn, Leesburg, Purcellville, Hamilton, Middleburg, Warrenton, Marshall, Amissville, Culpeper, Winchester, Front Royal, Stephens City

21. Francisco’s Cleaning & Restoration Service, Inc.

Services:

Fire damageSmoke damageWater damageMold remediationStorm damageInsurance moving, packaging, & storageCarpet & upholstery cleaningDumpster rental

Service areas: Keysville, Farmville, Blackstone, South Hill, Brookneal, South Boston, Appomattox, Clarksville, Dillwyn, Amelia Court House, Lawrenceville, Kenbridge, Victoria, Chase City, Buggs Island Lake, Lake Gaston

22. Flood Tech USA, Inc. | Northern Virginia Water Damage Restoration and Flood Cleanup

Services:

Water & floodMold remediationSewage cleanupWind & stormFire & constructionReconstruction

Service areas: Ashburn, Langley, Arlington, Tysons Corner, Potomac Falls, Great Falls, Mclean, Vienna, Potomac, Washington 

23. The Restoration Doctors Water Damage Cleanup

Services:

Water & flood damageWind & storm damageSewage damage cleanupFire damage restoration

Service areas: Falls Church & the surrounding areas

24. Minuteman Restoration

Services:

PackoutMold damageFlood damageCovid protectionWater damageFire damage

Service areas: Woodbridge & the surrounding areas

25. Pure Maintenance of the Blue Ridge

Services:

Mold remediationMold infection & testingPathogen removalOdor removal

Service areas: Rockingham County, Augusta County, Staunton

26. Spartan Emergency Water Removal

Services:

Water damageFire damageMold removal & remediationStorm damageReconstruction

Service areas: Richmond, Fredericksburg, Northern Virginia, & the surrounding areas

27. All Dry Services of Northern Virginia

Services:

Water damageMold cleanup

Service areas: Northern Virginia

28. Water Damage DMV

Services:

Water damageFire damageStorm damageCommercial restoration services

Service areas: Vienna & the surrounding areas

29. Green Home Solutions

Services:

Indoor odor removalIndoor air quality servicesMold testing & removalAdditional services (Crawl space encapsulation. HVAC & dryer duct cleaning, indoor disinfection, probiotic air purification)

Service areas: Richmond & the surrounding areas

30. Steamatic of Virginia Peninsula

Services:

Fire damageMold remediationWater damageContent recoveryDehumidificationWind, hurricane & tornado damage restorationRestoration services (HVAC & air duct cleaning, furniture cleaning, carpet cleaning, hard surface cleaning, residential cleaning)Crime cleanup

Service areas: Virginia Peninsula region

Which Is the Right Restoration Company for Me?

Not all restoration contractors are the same, and choosing the right one may be overwhelming for you to pick the wrong one. To help you out, here are the factors to consider:

Experience & Certificate. Ensure the company has been in business for a long time and is certified for its services. One of the most important certificates for this kind of business in the US is the IICRC (Institute of Inspection, Cleaning and Restoration Certification).Reputation & Reviews. Check if the company has a good reputation for quality services. Reading online reviews from past customers can help you get an idea about their service quality.Services Offered. Check if the company offers services that are relevant to your needs. Also, make sure they can provide emergency services and respond to calls. It’s important to note that some companies with several branches offer different services. For instance, PuroClean of Roanake may provide biohazard cleanup that other branches don’t.Price & Payment Options. Compare the prices and payment options of different companies before settling on one. Most companies offer free estimates and allow payment through major credit cards. If this is something you’re looking for, ask about it. Also, some companies have hidden charges, so read the fine print before signing any contracts.Location & Coverage Area. Check if the company is located near your area and if they provide services in your region. Also, it’s advisable to choose a local contractor since they can respond faster to emergency calls. So, if you are from the Manassas area, you can call PuroClean of Manassas.Customer Service. The quality of customer service should be considered as well. The staff should be polite and explain the entire process. In addition, they must keep you updated during the restoration project and answer any questions you may have.Insurance & Guarantees. The company should be fully insured for professional liability and workers’ compensation insurance. This will protect both parties from potential damages. They should also guarantee their services so that you will have peace of mind about the quality of their work.The Bottom Line: Choose Wisely

Finding the right restoration company can be a daunting task. However, following the tips above, you should easily select one that can do an amazing job meeting your needs and budget. Good luck!

The post Avoid Costly Property Damage: Top 30 Restoration Companies in Virginia appeared first on Justice Janitors.

The Secret Life of Crime Scene Cleaners: How, and Why They Do What They Do

FLORIDA

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In television shows and movies, the job of cleaning up crime scenes is often a fleeting plot point. However, the importance of understanding the role of crime scene cleaners in real life cannot be overstated. These individuals play a crucial role in returning a location to its original condition, all while handling biohazards and navigating the emotional challenges that come with the job. This article delves into the world of crime scene cleaners, detailing their responsibilities, the skills required, and the significance of having a well-trained and certified team.

The Job of Crime Scene Cleaners Crime scene cleaners are the specialists that step in to restore order after a violent incident has taken place. This profession isn’t for the faint-hearted, as these professionals encounter a variety of traumatic scenes and situations.

Types of Scenes They Deal With
Some common types of situations that crime scene cleaners deal with include: 1. Unattended death:
 When a person dies alone, their body can go undiscovered for days or even weeks. This leads to decomposition and the release of biohazardous materials, which makes prompt and professional cleanup essential. 2. Suicide cleanup: Often involving the presence of blood and other biohazards, suicide cleanup requires skillful attention and sensitivity to those affected by the tragedy. 3. Homicide cleanup: In the aftermath of violent crimes, crime scene cleaners are called upon to remove blood and other biohazards, as well as restore the scene to its original condition.

Biohazard Cleanup

 Dealing with biohazards such as bodily fluids and human tissue is a crucial aspect of crime scene cleanup. Proper decontamination is essential to prevent the spread of infectious diseases and to preserve the health and safety of both the cleaners and those who will return to the area. In order to do this, crime scene cleaners must adhere to strict safety precautions and wear personal protective equipment (PPE), such as gloves, masks, and suits.

Forensic Cleaning Crime scene cleaners also play an important role in forensic cleaning, aiding investigations and preserving valuable evidence. This requires thorough attention to detail and compliance with law enforcement protocols.

The Background and Qualifications of Crime Scene Cleaners Becoming a professional crime scene cleaner is no easy task, as it requires rigorous training, certifications, and the ability to handle stressful situations.

Training and Certifications Required Crime scene cleaners must undergo extensive training to become certified professionals. This training typically encompasses courses in biohazard cleanup, trauma scene cleanup, bloodborne pathogens, and confined space entry, among others. Ongoing education is necessary to stay current with industry regulations and standards.

Industry Regulations and Standards Adhering to regulatory guidelines for crime scene cleanup, such as those stipulated by the Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA), is essential. These regulations ensure that crime scene cleaners follow proper procedures and prioritize safety when handling hazardous materials.

Varying Backgrounds and Experiences Individuals in the crime scene cleanup profession come from a variety of backgrounds, including law enforcement, construction, and health care. Regardless of their previous experience, these professionals must demonstrate a strong aptitude for the unique demands and skills required for crime scene cleanup.

Emotional Resilience and Ability to Handle Stress Aside from technical skills, crime scene cleaners must be emotionally resilient and capable of handling stressful situations. They must remain calm and empathetic when working in environments that can be graphically upsetting.

The Aftermath of Crime Scenes and the Need for Emotional Support Witnessing the aftermath of a traumatic event can have a significant impact on family members and loved ones. Hence, crime scene cleaners often find themselves providing emotional support to those affected.

Impact on Families and Loved Ones The emotional toll of losing a loved one to a violent crime, suicide, or unattended death is immense. This grief can be compounded by the harsh reality of the crime scene itself. Crime scene cleaners must be mindful of this and approach their work with care and sensitivity.

The Role of Crime Scene Cleaners in Providing Emotional Support While not a requirement, many crime scene cleaners go above and beyond to provide emotional support to grieving family members. Their professionalism, compassion, and sensitivity can help families navigate through this difficult time as they work towards restoring a sense of normalcy.

Importance of Compassion, Sensitivity, and Professionalism The way crime scene cleaners interact with those impacted by the incident plays a significant role in the healing process. Maintaining a compassionate and sensitive demeanor, while still remaining professional, is crucial to fostering a supportive environment for grieving families.

The Restoration Process After Crime Scene Cleanup Fully restoring a scene after a crime or traumatic event involves several steps and often requires collaboration with other professionals.

Steps Taken to Restore the Scene to its Original Condition After removing all biohazardous materials, crime scene cleaners will typically clean, sanitize, and deodorize the area. Additionally, they may need to repair or replace damaged property, such as flooring or walls, to restore the scene to its pre-incident state.

Cooperation with Other Professionals Crime scene cleaners often work closely with contractors, insurance companies, and other relevant parties to ensure the area is properly restored. Open communication and cooperation are essential for a seamless restoration process.

Final Inspection and Ensuring Quality Control Before concluding their work, crime scene cleaners will perform a final inspection to ensure that all contaminants and hazards have been eliminated, and the area is acceptable for reoccupation. This final step underlines their commitment to safety and quality control.

The Challenges and Rewards of Being a Crime Scene Cleaner Crime scene cleaning is a physically and emotionally demanding job, but these professionals find rewards in helping grieving families and contributing to public safety.

The Physical and Emotional Demands of the Job Crime scene cleaners must be prepared to tackle physically taxing tasks and endure the emotional weight of traumatic situations. Additionally, the job often involves working long, irregular hours, sometimes on short notice.

Stigma and Misconceptions Surrounding the Profession The crime scene cleanup industry is often misunderstood, with many people associating it with negativity or morbid curiosity. However, these professionals are providing a vital service that contributes to the healing process for affected families and communities.

Satisfaction in Helping Grieving Families and Contributing to Public Safety Despite the challenges, many crime scene cleaners find satisfaction in their work, knowing that they are helping grieving families through a difficult time. Their efforts also ensure that biohazards are safely managed and public health and safety are maintained.

Conclusion Crime scene cleaners play a vital and underappreciated role in our society. Their ability to navigate complex and traumatic situations with skill, professionalism, and empathy highlights the importance of this specialized field. As we continue to recognize the value of their contributions, support, and training for these professionals remain essential to the growth of the crime scene cleanup industry in Florida and beyond. TOP RATED DISASTER RESTORATION Our restoration company provides complete cleanup, repair, and restoration services – after a disaster. REQUEST SERVICE NOW OUR MISSION​

Don’t wait another moment to reclaim your space and restore order in your life. Our partnered Crime Scene Cleanup professionals in Texas are ready to help you move forward. Fill out the form below and get connected to a reliable, compassionate expert today. Bring back a sense of safety and cleanliness in your home or business – reach out now for immediate assistance!

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Wanted: Wise Men

On March 22, 2018, Donald Trump sent the following tweet:

“Crazy Joe Biden is trying to act like a tough guy. Actually, he is weak, both mentally and physically, and yet he threatens me, for the second time, with physical assault. He doesn’t know me, but he would go down fast and hard, crying all the way. Don’t threaten people Joe!”

It received 222,000 likes. Donald Trump is 71 years old.

My heart goes out to children growing up in a world where these words can be expressed by the most powerful man on earth. I am particularly saddened for boys – who need positive male role models more than ever.

Many strong women have risen up in the past few decades and done so much to change society. Girls have so many role models of wise, courageous women who are trying to make the world a better place.

Who can boys look to?

We need wise men, not men who still act like children.

Becoming wise takes a lifetime, but it’s never too late to start your training.

I call on fathers, grandfathers, male teachers, male coaches and all men to take up the task of becoming wise.

Do the inner work. Deal with your unresolved pain. Men have lots of it.
Get to know who you really are apart from the roles you play.
Move beyond your own personal goals (money, status, possessions) to work for larger social goals.
Ask the big questions, and then look for answers.
Spend time with your children and discuss things that really matter.
Spend time with your partner and discuss things that really matter.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable.

Boys are watching you. Yes, and girls are watching you too. They both need you.  

We are living in the age of the bully. Until we have more wise men, until we re-define what masculinity is, until we re-define what strength means, the bullying will continue.

In the meantime, my advice to kids:

Find someone wise you can look up to and model yourself after.
Put a shield over your heart. Do not let the darkness in. Better days are coming.

The great American poet, Maya Angelou, put it this way:

“The best advice I’ve ever given — I hope — is that which I gave to my son when he was growing up. He said, ‘I don’t have any friends. How can I get some friends?’… I told him two things. I told him, ‘In order to get a friend, you have to be a friend…’ And also I told him, ‘There’s a place in you that you must keep inviolate. You must keep it pristine, clean, so that nobody has the right to curse you or treat you badly. Nobody. No mother, father, no wife, no husband, nobody.’”

What about mothers?

Pass this message on to the men and boys in your life.
Speak your own wisdom.

For too long, women have carried the role of nurturer alone. We are entering an age when both genders will be permitted a broader range of behaviour. Women will be allowed to be strong, and men will be allowed to be loving and kind.

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What School Shooters Can Teach Us About Our Systems

School shooters are a symptom, not a disease.  They are the outward sign of what is happening below the surface of our systems.

The school system, the health care system, the legal system.  Human needs are not being met. Our systems no longer serve us. We serve them. Even people who work within systems are dissatisfied – except perhaps those at the top of the system who benefit most from it. The higher up you go in a system, the more power you have and the less connected you are with those “below” – the people the system is meant to serve.

Donald Trump called Florida shooter, Nikolas Cruz, a “whacko.” His neighbour called him “pure evil.” His lawyer told reporters, “This is a broken human being.” This is the best description. The question for all of us then is how did he get broken?

Humans are the only species who build artificial systems. In nature, we find eco systems and climate systems that are organic and inherently work toward the promotion of life. The one natural system that humans have always had are kinship systems – natural systems of human-to-human connection. The goal of the system is the promotion of life. What makes the system work is love, compassion and empathy.

Our systems are breaking down because they serve themselves, not us. Our systems must be built on relationships. This means connection, empathy, kindness.

What can be done?

Anyone who works within a system can humanize it by their presence – a receptionist, a teacher, a nurse, a doctor, a police officer. When a plane leaves New York, a change of one or two degrees difference in its trajectory will determine whether it lands in London or Paris. The same is true for children. When a child enters one of our systems, meaningful contact with just one caring adult can change the trajectory of their lives.

But here’s the hard part. I’m not just talking about the nice kids, the cute kids, the compliant kids. I’m talking about the difficult child, the child whose nature doesn’t “fit” within the system, the square peg in the round hole. These are the ones who need our love the most.

The great Swiss psychologist, Alice Miller, wrote about childhood trauma. When asked what made the difference with some kids not being chronically harmed by their trauma, Miller cited the presence in that child’s life of an “enlightened witness” – someone who really saw the child.

Did Nikolas Cruz have a consistent positive presence in his life? Was he ever affirmed in a meaningful way – apart from false praise.

To be seen for who you really are.
To be listened to no matter what you say.
To be touched with nurturing affection.

These are the foundations of core self-esteem. Every child needs them, and our institutions are not providing them.

The lesson for all parents and those who work with children – show love, compassion and empathy – not just to your own children, and not just to the children who are easy to love. Love the fringe-dwellers. Love the square pegs. Love the outliers.

If you work in one of our systems, be that “enlightened witness” – be the person who was kind, who cared, who showed compassion. We live on in those we influence. Live on.

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Instead of God – Kids Make Their Own Spirituality

For most young people, the angry, intolerant, shaming father God no longer works. Neither does the sweet pretend-best-friend Jesus.

Kids are suffering more than ever before from depression, anxiety and addiction. They lack a deep core resilience. They feel weak, confused and angry. Traditional images of God do nothing for them. In fact, they make kids even more depressed – at the thought that this is all there is, that this is the best wisdom adults have to pass on.

Kids do the best they can to make up their own spiritual practices. We can find them in two of the most unlikely places.

Video games are a spiritual practice. Gaming is a daily ritual where kids meet with familiar “friends” and engage in a communal activity where the goal is clear. The player can be an isolated individual fighting against everyone else or part of a “band of brothers.” In both cases, you get the feeling you are part of something bigger than yourself. Gaming makes sense in a way that life does not. Perseverance is rewarded. I have some control over the outcome. This doesn’t seem to happen in school or in life. Video games are honest. They don’t claim to be something they’re not.

Social media is a spiritual practice. It is motivated by the desire to connect, to share, to be part of something bigger than oneself. Kids want to share their feelings. They want to be seen and heard. They want to reach out to others and be part of their lives. They want to help and be helped. They want to be loved and accepted. They don’t want to be alone. Social media reveals a deep desire to feel connected.

Why aren’t these enough?

The connections on-line are shallow and superficial. Everyone wears a mask – a constructed self they present to the world. It is not real. It does not tell the whole story. Mask meets mask. Kids are connected but lonely.
There is no transcendence. Transcendence has to do with leaving the confines of the ego-self and connecting with something bigger than yourself. Kids are trapped in a self-centered, materialistic culture of things – and people who have become things.
No one is allowed to talk about anything meaningful online. Any attempt to get real on social media is usually stamped out immediately and punished by peers or “trolls” leaving comments. Most posts on Instagram or Snapchat just try to be funny or cool. Everything can be reduced to a meme. Kids have no place to talk about their hopes, fears and loves. Suffering does not exist on line. Keep it to yourself.

What is the answer?

Connection, transcendence and depth.

How do I help my child find these?

Kids need time. They need our time. Slow time. Deep time. Hanging out. Just talking. Just being together. No agenda. Staying at the dinner table after eating. Going for a walk. Snuggling in bed at night. When your child is talking, stop, look and listen. Just be there.

Kids need nature. Animals. Trees. The night sky. They need to connect with the non-human world, with a world that is not manufactured. We need to restore our connection to the web of life which feeds us and sustains us.

Kids need elders. Grandparents. Old people. Visiting the graves of those who have died. Telling stories about the past, about those who went before us.

Kids need to celebrate birthdays and rights of passage. Having rituals. Saying something meaningful at these times. Saying how you feel about your child. Letting them be the center of attention.

Organized religions have lost much of their power over the young, and so the young are making it up as they go along. They need all the help they can get. They need adults who can model some kind of wisdom, transcendence and depth.

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Come out for my next talk hosted by the Parent Council of

St. Michael’s Choir School

Raising Kids in a New Kind of World

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

7:00-9:00 p.m.

St Michael’s Choir School Auditorium

67 Bond St, Toronto, ON 

 

Michael Reist has spoken internationally to parent groups, public health agencies and teacher organizations on gender differences in learning, the influence of technology on kids and the emotional health of children.

His talk at SMCS is titled “Raising Kids in a New Kind of World,” and will explore 

•    the “New World” of Instagram, Xbox and iPhone 

•   the implications of this new social environment on learning and development 

•   ways in which parents/teachers can help their children to navigate this new world

•   how parents/teachers can keep the lines of communication open

•   the “rules” around internet usage and video game playing 

Free childcare will be provided for children 4 to 10 years of age, for a maximum of 30 children, on a first come, first serve basis. Students from grades 5 through to 12 are welcome to attend with their parents, as are teachers. 

If you plan to attend, please RSVP by February 14th, 2018, using the link below:

https://goo.gl/forms/rvh5UsmAZY8ABK2f2

 

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Have Compassion for Your Kids…and Yourself

We all make mistakes in life. We all do things we wish we hadn’t. We blame ourselves, feel ashamed and get down on ourselves.

When it’s someone else who messes up, it’s the same cycle over again: blame, shame and withdraw. We do to others what we do to ourselves.

Why do we find it so hard to forgive ourselves? To forgive others? Why is it so hard to practice compassion and unconditional love?

A lot of us grew up with conditional love – at home, at church and at school.

I will love you if…

You behave in ways I like
You don’t talk back
Your values and opinions are the same as mine
You live out the script I have planned for you

The long-term effect of conditional love is denial of the true self. We end up being what we think others want us to be instead of being who we really are. We end up being critical of ourselves and critical of others.

The alternative is acceptance, compassion and empathy – both for yourself and those you love.

Begin with the assumption that other people are doing the best they can – and so are you!

Let’s take the energy we spend on judging and put it toward compassion.

We carry judgmental voices in our heads – voices that were used with us – and we pass them on.

“What were you thinking!”
“You just need to try harder!”
“What do you think you’re doing?”
“What’s the matter with you?”

This doesn’t need to be the end of the story.

We can change from judging to accepting, from shaming to showing compassion, from withdrawing to drawing closer.

Ask yourself: Is what I’m going to say necessary? 
Don’t get into things in the heat of the moment. When you’re tired or stressed, your best self doesn’t come out. Those old voices do. “We’ll talk about this later when we’re both in a better space.”
Remember the “Don’t freak out rule.” When you freak out, you teach your kids not to bring you their “stuff.” Respond in a calm, rational way. “What do you think you should do?”
When you become frustrated with your child’s behaviour remember that all behaviour is logical. What is the logic behind your child’s behaviour?
When you’re not your best self, ask yourself what’s going on inside you?
Catch your own inner critic. Talk back to it.
Pass on words of support and encouragement to your child, and remember that support is not just conveyed  in the words we speak but also our tone of voice. Children hear with their hearts. They will not remember what you said. They will remember how you made them feel.

“Be kind. For Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” – Plato

This is especially true for parents who often feel like they are making it up as they go along. When you forgive yourself for your own imperfections you will be able to find it in your heart to forgive the imperfections of others.

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In Praise of Shyness

Shyness is not a disorder or a disability to be treated or cured. It is symptomatic of a beautiful character trait – an ability to observe keenly and feel deeply.

Some kids are born with their windows and doors wide open and the world comes pouring in. How do you cope with that? You become shy. Shyness is an attempt to manage over stimulation. It is a coping strategy for dealing with high sensitivity and introversion.

We live in a world that favours the extrovert – the one who speaks up and gets involved. We need introverts too. They see and hear everything. They pick up on information that other people miss. They are slow but steady deliberators. They are often wise beyond their years.

We live in a highly competitive world where the extrovert seems to succeed best. We want our child to be able to get in there and compete with others. Susan Cain has written one of the best books on shyness called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. She cites examples of many successful introverts including Warren Buffet, one of the richest men in the world, who has succeeded not in spite of his introverted nature but because of it. “He divides the world into people who focus on their own instincts and those who follow the herd.” Shy people are not interested in following the herd.

We want our children to be like other children – to “fit in.” We think social acceptance is a key ingredient of happiness and success, but what do we lose when conformity becomes our goal? We lose our true selves, and we never reach our full potential.

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else – means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”        – e. e. cummings

Shy kids fight this battle every day, and they become stronger people for it – if they are supported. When kids are criticized for being shy, they become ashamed of their own nature. They accept the judgement passed on them and stop trying.

We need to do all we can to support the shy child, not change them into something they’re not. In fact, we need to honour the nature of the child whatever that may be. Our job is not to change children into what we think they should be, but to discover who they are as they reveal themselves to us.

How to help kids manage their shyness:

Use gradual exposure to more challenging situations – baby steps. Don’t throw them into stressful situations they are not ready for. Respect their boundaries.
Coach kids to develop a persona that they can “use” to function in stressful social situations that are unavoidable.
Teach self-coaching – knowing your own tendencies and being able to talk yourself through those situations you find difficult.
Simply avoid situations that are overwhelming and not necessary.
Allow kids “recharge time” alone after stressful social situations.
Shy kids will often prefer one close friend – honour that and facilitate it.
Shy kids tend to avoid team sports. They are more comfortable with individual sports like swimming, tennis or track and field.
Shy kids prefer to work alone and find group work difficult.
Honour the nature of your child. Don’t talk about shyness as a problem but as a gift.

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Seven Lessons for the First Day of School – and for Life

How can I help my child survive in a world I have so little control over?

One: Be Yourself

Will I fit in? Will I like my teacher? Will my teacher like me? When you’re feeling stressed about a situation, the best thing to do is “Be yourself.” In the age of social media, we have become obsessed with the image we are presenting and how many “likes” we are getting. The greatest freedom comes from not needing the approval of others, of being your own person. People will respect you more and like you more when you’re not trying to be liked.

Two: Keep on hoping

Every fall, kids buy their new school supplies full of hope that this is going to be the best year ever. They really want this to go well. They are so willing to make it work. Even kids who have not had a great experience of school have this hope. Keep on hoping. Never become cynical. Every year is a new one. Every day is a new one. One day at a time. At the end of a bad day, press the reset button. Go back with a positive attitude.

Three: Accept the things you cannot change

Every parent needs “The Serenity Prayer” and every child should be taught it:

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

You might be able to change out of a bad teacher’s classroom, but you can’t change a bad teacher. You can change small things about your child’s school, but the school system will take generations to change.

Change out of bad classrooms if you can. Change out of bad schools if you can. Participate in the life of your local school, and support organizations working for school reform.

If you can’t do any of these things, then bloom where you are planted.

Four: Practice positive self-talk

Change the loop of negative self-talk to positive self-talk. Teach your child to use positive affirmations. These are simple statements that can change a person’s life because they change the way a person looks at life and at themselves. “I am a good person.” “I am capable.” “I am lovable.” “I am going to have a good day.”

Five: Act. Don’t react

Decide to be your own person and have your own attitude. Don’t live your life in reaction to other people. Don’t behave badly just because other people are behaving badly toward you. If you get a bad teacher, don’t let that person bring you down. You are always in control of your own attitude even though the teacher seems to have all the control. Don’t let someone else’s negativity ruin your day. Put up a force field, a firewall, a shield over your heart. Don’t let toxic stuff in. The only person you can control is yourself.

Six: Don’t let others define you

You are not your grades. You are not your report card. School only works on and measures a small part of you. You are much bigger and better than school will ever know because they only see a small part of you. You have value as a person apart from your performance. You are loved and you are lovable. School doesn’t measure that.

Seven: Resilience comes from being loved

No matter how much we screw up, no matter how inconsistent we are, our kids keep on loving us. Where does this ability come from? It comes from a child’s natural resilience. Kids have an incredible ability to bounce back – especially kids who are loved and supported through hard times. When a child is supported through tough times, they are better able to face the next tough time. Experience teaches them that they can handle it and that they are loved unconditionally.

Life is full of “First days.” In fact, every day is a first day.

 

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The Elephant in the Classroom – Teacher Mental Health

Our institutions are only as healthy as the people who work in them.

“My teacher is always yelling at us.”

Imagine spending six hours of your day under the gaze of an adult with mental health problems. Unfortunately, this is more common than we think.

Children can be greatly affected by the mood of their teacher even if they are not the target of the teacher’s anger or yelling. Children pick up on the moods of adults and can either absorb or mirror those moods. They might try to make the adult happy with compliant behavior or react with disruptive behaviour.

A Deeper Look at Teacher Stress

Teacher stress is directly related to the dysfunction of school. An estimated 40-50% of teachers leave the profession within the first five years. They see the excessive work load, the behaviour issues, the lack of support from a rigid institutional culture and cannot, in good conscience, participate. This is a reasonable response.

Unfortunately, it does nothing to help school culture or the climate of classrooms. Many of these teachers may have had the fresh perspective schools need. Those who remain may not even see the dysfunction, or, if they do, are willing to live with it and thereby become active contributors to it.

Most teachers go straight from university to teaching – from one side of the desk to the other. They have spent their whole lives in school, and whatever the dysfunctions are, those are a teacher’s normal.

Teachers suffer from social isolation as they spend most of their day with children and only have brief interactions with other adults who are living the same way. They can end up living in a closed world where reality becomes whatever they determine it to be. This is the environment we send our children into. It can become very toxic.

What is the solution?

We need to make school more human and more humane. We create institutions to serve our needs, and when they no longer do this they have become dysfunctional. Teachers suffer and students suffer.

Schools have become top-down, closed environments that are very resistant to any kind of critique – much less any kind of change. Schools need to learn and practice compassion and mindfulness.

We have standardized testing for literacy and numeracy, but we never test for happiness or mental well-being. If kids feel happy, safe and relaxed, they will learn better. When they feel depressed, threatened and stressed, they cannot learn.

We need to create schools where children are happy to go – where teachers are happy to see them and have the emotional energy to meet their needs.

What can parents do?

Connect to teachers about more than your child’s issues. Get to know them as people. Ask them how it’s going, what their stresses are, compliment them on the things they do well. Teachers need more adult conversations.
Speak up if you feel your child is being affected by your teacher’s mental health.
Advocate for anonymous wellness surveys in your school, and see that the results are taken seriously.
Suggest mindfulness training for administrators, teachers and students.

This is not about bashing or criticizing teachers. They are victims of the system too. They are suffering human beings who are not working to their full potential. Many would describe themselves as “just getting by” or “surviving.” This is not a healthy situation for kids to be spending their day in, and teachers don’t want it to be this way either.

As we become more open about mental health, one of the places we need to look is our institutions and the ways we ignore the elephant in the classroom.

 

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Anger is not Rudeness

Being angry is not being rude. Anger is an emotion. Rudeness is intentional offence. Disagreeing with what you say is not “giving attitude.” It is a difference of opinion.

Children have as much right to their feelings and opinions as we do.

Sometimes we accept our own anger and opinions as legitimate and shut down our children’s. We come to believe that unquestioning obedience is a virtue. We may have learned this from our family of origin. We certainly learned it at school where unquestioning obedience to authority is totally expected.  

We want to raise children who are capable of expressing their feelings and opinions. Unquestioning obedience is not good for one’s personal development nor for a democratic society. We need people who have the courage to talk back and say what they really think and feel – in healthy, constructive ways. Anger can be a motivator for personal change and social change. 

Feelings can be messy. That’s OK. 

We are comfortable with the light end of the emotional spectrum, but we often have a problem with the “dark” end. We deny difficult feelings like anger – both in ourselves and in our children. Repressed anger will come out in other ways. In males it comes out as emotional numbing, addiction and high-risk behaviour. In females, it comes out as depression. Boys act out. Girls act in.

We need to listen to our own anger and that of our children. Anger is a message from the soul: A boundary has been violated. An expectation has not been met. Something needs to change. Children learn how to deal with anger by watching us deal with ours.

3 Questions to ask yourself about your own anger:

Do I express my feelings in healthy ways? Remember the “Don’t freak out rule.” When you freak out, you send a message to your children – don’t bring me your “stuff” because I won’t be able to handle it. I will freak out and make the situation worse. 
Am I aware of my own emotional state?  Do I let my feelings about something else (my boss, my job, my life) affect my functioning with my children? Do I let my child’s anger trigger my own repressed anger?
Is this the best time to talk about this? Is my best self going to come out right now or am I likely to say something hurtful? Children hear with their hearts. “Mom’s mad. I’m bad.” Take a time out and come back to it later.

Anger can lead people to say rude things and do things that hurt others. The freedom to express your anger ends where the rights of others begins. Say what you feel. Control what you do. You can’t hit your little brother. You can’t call me names.

10 Ways to help you and your child express their anger in healthy ways: 

Use “I messages.” Talk about how you feel. Don’t attack the other person.
Cry (especially relevant for older boys)
Hit something (not a person and don’t break things)
Move (walk, run, ride your bike, play basketball)
Express yourself through art: draw, play an instrument, write
Breathe
Listen to music
Count to 10 (out loud so people know to stand back)
Walk away
Take a time out and come back to the topic when you’re not angry

Finally, at the end of a bad day, rebuild the interpersonal bridge by making nurturing contact with your child. The next day, push the reset button. No grudges or references to the past.

Anger is like a storm that passes. A storm can nourish life or it can be destructive. Which one it will be depends on how we respond.

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