Sharon Wagner's Blog, page 3
June 17, 2024
“A bumper of good liquor will end a contest quicker than justice, judge, or vicar.” Richard Brinsley Sheridan
I won the Foreword INDIES Book of the Year Award for Science Fiction—gold level! I feel like a soft and middle-aged Olympian, standing on the podium along with other word nerds. Now that I'm a big shot, the media is nipping at my heels for interviews. You can read this interrogation hot off the press:
FIJ (short for Fake Indie Journalist): What will you do with your monetary windfall?
Me: I won no cash, although two editor’s choice books will receive monetary prizes. So what did I win? Cachet among library professionals, booksellers, and mysterious industry professionals. Oh, and bragging rights that I can tag onto every social media post forever and ever. I’m positive that a million-dollar contract with Simon and Schuster is pending as we speak. Indeed, a movie deal will levitate my way like a bird in a wind tunnel.
FIJ: How hard was it to win?
Me: There were 2,400 entries, all judged by booksellers and librarians. I don’t know how many Science Fiction writers entered the contest, but I do know I’m a winner, winner, chicken dinner, and they are chicken poop.
FIJ: What will you do now that you are an award-winning writer?
Me: I plan to move to Cano Island off the coast of Costa Rica and drink like a Hemingway disciple. I may buy the island since boatloads of money will surely rain upon me. I’ll continue to write novels like Chorus of Crows and The Savannah Book of Spells, which I bet will get five stars and glowing reviews from everyone worldwide. The prickly reviewer trolls that plague other writers won’t pester me because I’m an award-winning writer! (Ha!)
FIJ: Do you have any advice for wannabe writers?
Me: Fame and riches can and will be yours if you persevere like I did. Don’t worry about the millions of books published yearly; your hard work will pay off. You don’t need luck, schmuck; just read, read, read, and write, write, write!
"You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest." Rowan Atkinson
Discover The Levitation Game on Amazon!
June 10, 2024
"Whatever you bee-lieve, you can achieve."
The Levitation Game won the Foreword INDIES Book of the Year Award for Science Fiction! So, I’m interrupting standard travel programming until next week. My world is spinning, and I feel like a queen bee, at least until a lousy review stings me. I wish I could pollinate every bookstore with my book, carrying the sweet nectar of my words on my hind legs. Indeed, honey sweetens my story in several places, but you’ll have to read it to discover why. :)
Please help me create a buzz!
"Bees do have a smell, you know, and if they don't they should, for their feet are dusted with spices from a million flowers." ~ Ray Bradbury, Dandelion Wine
Discover The Levitation Game on Amazon!
May 20, 2024
Going Lloyd
James Cameron calls it “Going Lloyd,” when humans fail to learn from past mistakes. The iconic movie director referenced his naughty cat, Lloyd, who’d jump onto the kitchen table no matter how often he’d get blasted with water. Certain crimes are worth the risk when a leftover piece of bacon might be on the table. Humans know this, too. That’s why we can’t resist repeating life’s indulgences that we know are bad for us. We laugh at the movie The Hangover because it’s hilarious and because we know we’d get drunk and make the same blunders, and it’s fun to live vicariously and not wake up with a missing tooth or a tiger in the bathroom.
If humans didn’t act like Lloyd, what would writers write about? Las Vegas, Global Warming, and Hazelton wouldn’t exist. We might not have Pringles and Oreos. There wouldn’t be any hairless cat breeds like the Sphynx because the breeder never would have repeated that DNA disaster. Cats are supposed to be furry and bad, and acting like cats is good when you’re a writer. Writers must persevere through the litter of agents and publishers who squirt them away repeatedly. Cats know they’re the king and queen of the jungle, no matter how many bad reviews they acquire on chewy.com/badcatreviews. Wouldn’t it be amazing to have the confidence of a cat? Cats know they deserve five stars, even after they vomit on Grandma’s handmade bedspread or poop in the bathtub.
The best writers simply sharpen their claws and persevere, and that’s a good lesson for all of us.
When I googled my book, I discovered that many bookstores sell TLG around the globe, from Walmart to Murder By The Book to Harvard Books and beyond. But I don’t know if these bookstores have a physical copy because I haven’t visited them. But now I know at least one place will: Drury Lane Books in Grand Marais, Minnesota, because they told me so. Hooray!
“To err is human, and to purr is feline.” ~ Robert Byrne
Discover my book on Amazon and beyond.
April 22, 2024
Be – Utah – Ful
All of you have seen my book’s cover, and if you’ve read the interior, the cover’s spiral of space toiletries may have come full circle, revealing the answer to the imagery. I hope the whimsical picture depicting toilet paper and panties made you laugh. I created it to be curiously eye-catching to potential readers. One reviewer said my cover was dazzling, and I’ve held onto those words like water in a desert of criticism.
And speaking of deserts, the idea for The Levitation Game began in the red rock desert of Sedona, Arizona, and my new novel, Chorus of Crows, travels to Sedona, too. I’m writing to you from the desert of Moab, Utah. Moab is a magical place, filled with muffin-top canyons and spires awash in Martian colors and soaring, dripping, and dissolving rock patterns that defy gravity because some rocks titter on the brink of a needle-like precipice. Moab is a place of petrified fire. It’s also a place where Native American petroglyphs and pictographs depict energy spirals. When I think of energy spirals, I think of space portals and alien visitation. Vortices. There are more UFO sightings in Moab than anywhere else in the USA.
Those spirals inspired my cover, and if you scroll before you roll, you’ll see a photo collage to help you visualize my concept. I’ve seen energy spirals in Panama etched on humble rocks, and I’ve seen them on Mayan art, too. The petroglyphs of the southwest are especially intriguing because other human-like images actually look like aliens with weird, floating bodies and large bug-eyed heads. Some wear helmets. Did Native Americans interact with aliens? As they say on the History Channel’s Ancient Aliens program, “Some say yes.”
Creating my alien characters, Rigel, Dob-Dec, and Sula, was fun (They’re all named after stars, which shine bright over the dark skies of Moab), and I hope to revisit my aliens from planet Pleione to explain what happened to Dob’s parents someday. Hint: It involves the deserts of the Southwest. These days, desert travel is my muse. You must add Moab to your bucket list, and I hope you’ve added The Levitation Game to your want-to-read list!
You can read my article, Be Like Samwise and Frodo and Help a Writer Out at Orange Blossom Publishing. Click here. My book traveled to the Bologna Book Fair! Yay! See below.
Drop by Sharon Wagner Books
March 18, 2024
Knock-Knock. Who’s there? Leo Tolstoy. Leo Tolstoy, who? Nanna Karenina, your business.
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Many aspects of book promotion smell like turpentine to me. Whenever I post on Facebook or Instagram and say, “Look at me!” I hate it. The fact that few people actually look makes it even worse. Thank goodness for everyone’s favorite behemoth called Amazon, where my book can look bright and shiny, and my job is like the mechanisms of a clock, hidden underneath but wound and moving. I can let the clock wind down and stop or put a few dollars and mental calculations into keywords for advertising. What would I do if Amazon only meant a river and a rainforest? I was surprised to read about how Mark Twain sold his books last month.
Back then, all of Mark Twain’s major books were issued by subscription and sold by salesmen door-to-door rather than as trade publications in bookstores. As an Indie author or any author, it can be hard to discover your masterpiece in a brick-and-mortar store. What would I do if I had to sell my novel door to door?
Knock, knock.
I wait several minutes, listening to feet scampering behind the bright blue door before me. Over the hedges of the house, an angry face peeks through the window pane, then vanishes. I hear garbled swearing, and then the front door opens.
Who’s there?
My stomach flip-flops, and my spine straightens. I try to imagine I’m Leonidas from the movie 300, except wearing a leather skirt and boob armor. I raise my book. “Would you like to buy my paranormal sci-fi book, The Levitation Game? It’s an entertaining book filled with romance, magic and adventure.”
“Does it come with Girl Scout cookies?”
“No, but I can sign it and throw in a bookmark.”
“Will you mow my lawn if I buy it?”
My hand falls to my side, and I turn away. “Thanks anyway,” I mumble to my feet, wondering if I should take the shortcut to the next house, like the mailman, or walk to the sidewalk.
Kn ock, knock.
I have big news this month. I’m a finalist in the 2023 Indies Book of the Year awards! Yay! Hooray!
March 12, 2024
Scared To Death
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My novel The Levitation Game is a finalist in the 2023 Indies Book of the Year Awards! This literary news will nourish me for months.
I wish it were Halloween because I’m announcing Scared To Death, a Goosebumps-style anthology that includes my short story, Default 666. I’m proud to death of my short story and hope it will delight and disgust readers equally. :)
Vampires! Ghosts! Zombies! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!! Within the pages of this anthology lurk stories guaranteed to make the hair on the back of your neck stand up! From a cursed game that turns its players into monsters … a ghost cat on a quest for revenge … and killer snowmen on a rampage, these ten terrifying tales will have you sleeping with the lights on! Read these stories, if you dare! This book includes stories from the following contributors: R. Jeanie Burroughs ● Dawn Colclasure ● Marcus Damanda ●William F. Gray ● Michelle John ● Cyan LeBlanc ● Eric McMillion ●Caitlyn Pace ● Sharon Wagner ● Brandon Wills
February 19, 2024
"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk." Ogden Nash
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.” Valeriu Butulescu
A movie actress described her method for acting once. When a script arrives, she picks an animal with traits like her protagonist and imagines she’s that animal later in front of the camera. If someone made a movie of your life, what animal would you be?
I’ve often thought I'd be a crow if I were a bird because I wouldn’t want to be tasty like a chicken. I’m not a night person, so being an owl would be exhausting. Small birds are attractive to a raptor’s claws. Parrots have big brains, but their beauty makes them vulnerable to human kidnappers. So, I’d be a crow. A crow even stared in one of my favorite books, Hollow Kingdom.
But what animal would I be? I love the ocean, but I’m not social like a dolphin. And I wouldn’t want to be anything too small for fear I’d be eaten by predators. Tasty animals like cows are out of the question. Plus, since I have misophonia, I wouldn’t want all the other cows aggressively chewing cud near my big dumb head. Violent animals like tigers don’t resemble me, and I wouldn’t like to consume silty mangrove scraps like a manatee. I’d love to be smart like an octopus, but they prefer frighteningly cold water. My favorite animal is a cat, but I fear I’d be the feline that scratches guests and then runs into the basement to hide behind the dusty shoeboxes and other wares. I think I’d be an elephant now that I don’t have to worry about being abducted by the circus. They are big and not a typical food source for meat-eaters. They’ve been coached into painting canvas by weird humans, and I’m an artist. I could theoretically tap a typewriter with my long, flexible snout, so perhaps I could still be an author!
I have fun book news to report this month. The Levitation Game is en route to the Bologna Book Fair! My short story, Default 666, will be part of an anthology at PsychoToxin Press. I’ll keep you posted. And don’t forget to scroll before you roll. My guest post, On Travel Blogging, is published at Creator’s Roulette. See below. Look to your inbox on March 18 for my next newsletter!
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.” Sir Winston Churchill
Click to visit Creator's Roulette! Read about Central America through my lens, brush, and pen.
January 22, 2024
Five debut novels are perfect; five hundred thousand books fail inspection.
What if books were inspected for literary cleanliness and quality like restaurants? Perhaps all the hoopla about book banning has gone to my head. Or maybe I’m just feeling silly. For a complete list of book inspections, including violations not requiring warnings of missing pages or other administrative action, visit Goodreads. Here’s the breakdown for recent book inspections in Collier County, Florida, for January 1-6. Please note that some recent sequel inspections may not be included here.
So, how did my book score?
The Levitation Game
Follow-up inspection required: Violations require further review but are not an immediate threat to the public. Five total violations, with one high-priority violation
High-priority violation: The novel contains third-person and first-person narratives, confusing some readers. It also has multiple protagonists. See the debut author handbook indicating first-time authors should never write more than one voice. Period. (Yes, I know the word period is a sentence fragment; I’m simply inserting levity and being literal)
Basic violation: a violation against best practices occurred when the author signed with an indie press, ignoring the preferred choice of an agent or big-wig traditional publisher. The fact that the author didn’t have a choice is irrelevant.
Warning: The author must complete her next novel 365 days from the last inspection.
Administrative complaint: Legal action may be required if the author writes another sci-fi novel, as some readers think the author should stick to painting or eschewing words altogether.
Emergency Order: A 24-hour call-back inspection will be performed after an emergency closure of the book because of suspension of belief.
If you see any abuses of Amazon’s standards, report them to Jeff Bezos and the library immediately. Or call 1-800-911-joke.
The end. :)
Check out my latest author interview here! It's over at The Indie View.
Visit my author website to subscribe to my out-of-this-world newsletter at Sharon Wagner Books
December 18, 2023
Yes, Virginia, there is an elf in Florida!
A young girl named Sparrow crept through the quack grass until she reached the tallest tree in her yard, a Norfolk pine with emerald limbs attached to the tree like perfectly combed mustaches. Sparrow stopped by the tree trunk and knocked, placing a box in front of a tiny birch bark door. She stuck out her tongue, fiddling with the shiny red bow taped to the top. “Perfect. This gift is for you, Mr. Elf,” she stated with conviction, rising to her feet and rubbing her snotty nose.
Sparrow rubbed both hands across her stomach and danced a little jig, turning and shuffling back towards her house.
Inside the tree, an elf the size of a stick of butter leaned a pointy ear against the small door, opening it to peer outside. The elf watched the human girl’s pigtails wiggle as she walked most peculiarly, like a penguin. But there were no penguins in Florida and not many elves.
The elf opened the gift as soon as the girl slipped into her house, finding two walnuts the same size as his hands. Martin the elf removed his green cap and scratched his head. His mission was to give gifts, not receive them, and he wasn’t the kind of elf to change his life’s purpose now. Martin looked up into the branches of the towering Norfolk, grabbed the walnuts, and touched his nose. Poof! He was gone.
Now, Martin was twenty feet high, sitting on a branch. “Excuse me, Ms. Bark Beetle, I’m your neighbor, Martin. Would you like my walnuts?”
“Oh, no. Yuck,” said the beetle.
Martin frowned, then raised his eyebrows, waving at a Mockingbird. Unfortunately, the bird flew away. This time, Martin touched his green boot, finding himself at the top of the tree, surveying the lush mangroves littering the bay and the majestic royal palms scattered below. Martin wasn’t alone; a serious-looking osprey was clinging to the precipice of the Norfolk. Martin held out his hand. “Hello, I’m Martin the elf. Would you like these walnuts, you know, for a Christmas gift?”
“No,” said the osprey. The bird glowered at Martin, adding, “I only eat fish.”
Martin furrowed his brows and touched his right ear lobe's soft, spongy part. Pop! Martin found himself halfway down the tree, clinging to the bark. “Sir. Mr. Pine Weevil, would you like these nuts?” asked Martin.
“Don’t be silly. The nuts wouldn’t fit inside my tiny mouth,” replied the bug.
Martin kicked at a pine needle, searching the branch for other critters. He pulled up his shirt and touched his belly button, vanishing again. Now, Martin was out on a limb, staring into the beady eyes of a fluffy gray squirrel. Martin smiled, holding out his sweaty hand. The squirrel inched closer, ruffling needles in his wake. “Are those for me? Oh, thank you so much,” said the squirrel with a whisker twitch.
Martin puffed his chest. “Merry Christmas!”
The End
I launched Amazon ads last month. Wish me luck! Plus, the Southwest Connector newspaper featured me and my book. The Florida Writer magazine also announced my book news. :)
I hope you'll consider giving my book to your loved ones this Christmas. The greatest gift you could give me is your rating or review. Look to your inbox for my next newsletter on January 22, 2024!
Visit Sharon Wagner Books to subscribe!December 6, 2023
Read My Guest Post with Author Dawn Colclasure
How a Halloween Decoration Inspired a Haunted House Story
By Dawn Colclasure
Ever since we moved into the house we have now spent 13 years living in, I have made good
use of our hallway. It was our first hallway, so it had many different uses:
* It was a place where my kids could hang out on a long fluffy area rug
It was a source of fun since my kids often slid through it in sock-covered feet on the
hardwood floor or ride their scooters (!) and skateboard (!!)
*It was a showcase for family photos
* It was a place I could put a couple of bookcases
* It was a “hallway of horrors” every Halloween
That last one was my favorite, because even though our “hallway of horrors” was not open for
public viewing and the decorations were fake, I loved walking through our spooky hallway,
imagining that the monsters were real.
This had a lasting effect on me. So much so that I started to wonder: What if such a hallway
really existed? That could make an interesting story!
At the time I started thinking of using our “hallway of horrors” for a story, I was busy putting
together a collection of YA horror stories for a book titled The Worst Thing You Ever Did.
And since the stories in this book featured male teen characters, I decided that the characters in
my “hallway of horrors” story would be male teens.
But how was I going to do this? I had the hallway and I had the horrors. But how would it all
become a story?
I decided to write each scene of the story using one decoration at a time, starting the story with
an “introduction” scene about how my character even ends up in that hallway, then moving on
with each decoration as I moved through the hallway. I took pictures of each decoration that I
passed in our spooky hallway and came up with ideas for each one as I wrote the story.
It took several weeks for me to write that story, which actually turned out to be a good thing.
Later that month, I came across a fake dagger that was being sold at a department store for
Halloween, and I loved it so much, I decided to use it in one scene of the story. Even after I
finished writing the story, I kept that fake dagger, just because it reminded me of the story!
Alas, however, the hallway of horrors did not last for very long, as our hallway once again was
changed and there was no longer any room for all of the decorations that I normally used for it.
Still, I wasn’t too upset about this, because now our “hallway of horrors” would live forever in
the story I wrote.
A story that is now in a book of stories that is now being published. After several rounds of
rejection, my collection of YA horror stories, The Worst Thing You Ever Did, was accepted by
PsychoToxin Press, and the book’s release date is December 12 th.
I am beyond thrilled that my book of stories finally found a home, and even more pleased that
I was able to feature our “hallway of horrors” in a story. It just goes to show that the next time
something tickles your muse and you think it can be turned into a story, pay attention to that
feeling. Write notes, take pictures, and work your way through that story idea one step at a time.
BIO: Dawn Colclasure is a writer in Oregon. She is a freelance writer, book reviewer and
columnist. She is the author and co-author of over four dozen books, among them her horror
novel, Shadow of Samhain. Her forthcoming titles from PsychoToxin Press include the YA
horror story collection, The Worst Thing You Ever Did, and the psychological horror novella,
All the Beautiful Things. Her work has appeared in magazines, websites and anthologies. She’s on Twitter
@dawnwilson325 and @dawncolclasure.
Visit Dawn's Books and DMC Writer for the rest of the story!
