G. Michael Vasey's Blog: The Wacky World of Dr. Vasey, page 43

Wounded

I am so wounded

So hurt, I am not living

I am so wounded

So hurt, I cannot see

What it might be like to be free

I gave everything – all of me

Built a castle in the air

It seems so fucking unfair

The castle has dissolved

And taken with it

Everything I believed in

My smile has been wiped

Like an old unwanted tape

My happiness kicked into touch

It all meant so much

I am not living, but surviving

So lonely, so stuck in the past

A fairytale of memories

That I hoped would last

Lost, cast adrift, cut to the bone

How did I end up so alone?

I lived for you, not me

Rejected, I finally see

How I lost myself in an ‘us’

You didn’t appreciate nor want

I dug a hole so deep

Fit for an endless sleep

I am so wounded

So hurt, I am not living

I am so wounded

So hurt, I cannot see

What it might be like to be me

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Endings and Beginnings

I was willing to work

I was willing to be someone else

I was willing to be whatever you needed me to be

And yet

You threw it away

I would have given you anything

I would have turned a blind eye

I would have done whatever it took you see

I woke up that morning

In a pure funk

Understood I had lost myself

You broke my heart

Took me so completely apart

Now I’m picking up my pieces

And puzzling over where they belong

Thats why I am writing this bloody song

Directionless

Even emotionless

Until it overwhelms

Rolls over me like the rushing waters

Crushing, washing and flipping me

The panic starts

The anxiety rises

You are always full of surprises

Endings are beginnings

So they say

I’m beginning anew today

Not sure what or where

Nor what I am going to do

But

I will see it through

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Weird Darkness Covers My Story

I am thrilled to announce that this week’s episode of Weird Darkness narrated by Darren Marler features my story Seeing Neverland from My Haunted Life. He really brings the late to life….. Take a look.

 

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Nothing

I arrived in Brno, Czech Republic in late summer 2006 with a small suitcase. Everything else was left in Houston – car included. It was then I learned something truly important……

I DID NOT MISS ANY OF THOSE THINGS!

I did miss people. My sons, my friends. But the stuff? The car I had dreamed of. The big house. Swimming pool. Nope.

All I needed was the a change of clothes, my tooth brush, a few photos and my phone.

A place to stay and some food.

Amazed.

I was.

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Just When You Think You Have It Made

I was walking down Gorton Rd, Willerby, on my way to school one morning when the most amazing car I had ever seen went by. It was 1974 and I had just seen a 2-seater Mercedes Benz pass by. I would never forget.

Several years later, living in The Woodlands, Texas in my big 4 bed home with $50k swimming poll, gazebo, Mercedes SUV and everything one could ever really want, I realized my car lease was almost up. I called the leasing company and enquired after the dream…. a 2-seater Mercedes convertible. To my amazement, I found that I could indeed afford one. A month later, it arrived.

It was beautiful. Metallic silver with an automatic retractable roof that folded into the trunk. Patent leather black interior and that new car smell to die for……. A dream come true!

It wasn’t that fast, but fast enough. Zero to 60 in 9.0 seconds, but my goodness, around a corner it was like glue. Shame all the roads in Texas are dead straight.

I enjoyed the car for almost 3-years. For a time, I had it made – so I thought.

Yet by 2007, my world had turned upside down and I had nothing but a suitcase full of clothes…. thats another story.

Life is strange..

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Lot’s Going On

Lot’s going on on the book front – too much in fact.

The three short My Haunted Life books are now available in ebook form on Apple iBooks, B&N Nook and at KOBO for sale…..

The audio book of My Haunted Life Too is selling very well … get your copy now.

If you want to sample some of my ghost stories, go and visit my Too Scared To Scream page and there you can download a free sample.

The Art of Science poetry book is also available in audio book format

I am working on finalizing a second edition of The Mystical Hexagram with co-author Sue Vincent. It should be out in a matter of days…….

Phew….

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My Haunted Life Too Audio Book

I am very excited to announce the availability of My Haunted Life Too as an audio book read by the fantastic voice talent Alan Phillip Ormond. When I listened to the audio it gave me the chills and I wrote the stories! Just in time for Halloween go and grab your copy now. You won’t be disappointed….

Here is the sample…… listen in a dark room.

 

http://garymvasey.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/My-Haunted-Life-Retail_Sample.mp3

 

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Death On The Beach

As of today my new poetry collection is out on Kindle. It’s called Death on the Beach and features a photograph of me taking a photograph of Anna Maria Island beach in Florida on the cover. The photo was taken by Gabriela…

 

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A Pilgrimage

Today, I took some time and went to Opava. It is only a couple of hours from Brno but I have delayed the trip too many times. I went in search of Franz Bardon.. Frantisek Bardon in Czech… and I found him.

Standing by his grave, I found the atmosphere calm, peaceful but electric…

There was, for me, a definite presence…

Having paid my respects, I looked for his house and I believe this is it… based on Martin Faulks video…

I then went into town and hunted down his flat, place of birth and lab…

I also just reveled in being in Opava. A place he would have obviously known very well.

All in all, it was a great day.

Now, I live in Brno. It was here that he died in a communist prison. In Brno Castle… I will post photos of that shortly..

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Thoughts on Higher Purpose

‘All is as it should be’ – Is it? Actually, it probably is. We tend to think of ourselves moving through time consciously making decisions that impact our future selves and the world around us. The more likely truth is that we are creatures of habit and subconscious desires and habits. We are unbalanced and our physical, emotional and mental bodies are unaligned or we are simply not in control.

Free will? I have come to the conclusion that for the normal person, we probably have little or no free will. If time is a construct of the mind – and increasingly the evidence from all sides suggests that it is – then how can we have free will? More likely our entire life is already mapped and plotted and rather than moving through an adventure that we are creating, we are simply experiencing it in linear fashion. Sort of like a record stylus. The record already exists. The song or music is complete but we only hear the bit that the stylus has just passed over. Everything is there all in an instant but our conscious experience of it is temporal and linear. and that would mean free will doesn’t actually exist…. its just an illusion.

I could surmise further and suggest that perhaps as spiritual creatures prior to birth we map and build our life song with the objective of having those experiences. Rather like the ride at Disney I love so much where you design a roller coaster ride and then get to ride it…. The life song has a purpose and that is experience.

However, I also believe in magic. Magic is about taking control from moment-to-moment. It’s about balancing the inner forces, aligning the physical, astral and mental bodies and really living in them. It’s about being consciously aware at every moment of our physical self, our feelings and our awareness of what is happening to us. If we can actually manage that then a fourth aspect comes into play. It has been termed many things, but it is actually the connection between us – the three vehicles acting as one – and the life source or God/Goddess.

The very few who can achieve that connection are able to willfully create their life song as they go. They see the consequences of their decisions and actions and they understand how things will be impacted. They develop free will as we might understand it. On the other hand, what is really intriguing is that once this connection occurs, free will is unwanted. Rather, the will of God becomes paramount in their actions. Such masters can apparently perform miracles, but what they have is an understanding of themselves and how everything is put together. Once that understanding is developed, it’s as simple as crossing the road because they see how it all works.

As I sit here, I know that I am playing out my life song. I know that all is as it should be. I also know that however imperfectly, I have signed up to understand more. Although the progress I have made so far is small or even non-existent, I continue to try through meditation, visualization and the use of age old symbols that eventually may yield their secrets…..

 

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