Ariane Sherine's Blog, page 2
August 28, 2018
Day 39: Bliss
After a week of hard work and the big telly appearance, it's lovely to relax in the forest with the little one. We've painted pottery, she's taken a horse ride, and we're cycling everywhere. I have no idea how much I weigh or how many calories I'm eating or expending, but I'm glad - I'm on holiday, after all.
This blog is odd - if I tweet it, I get up to 2,000 views per post, but if I don't at all, I get maybe ten (Guillaume, John, Graham and a few other people I imagine). So thank you for reading, all ten of you.
This blog is odd - if I tweet it, I get up to 2,000 views per post, but if I don't at all, I get maybe ten (Guillaume, John, Graham and a few other people I imagine). So thank you for reading, all ten of you.
August 26, 2018
Day 38: Sunday Morning Live
I went on Sunday Morning Live today. I was really nervous but thought it went OK. I got to meet Edward Stourton, who was like a warm and genial uncle, and Joanna Moorhead, who was really nice. The Twitter comments about my performance were generally positive, and I felt really happy.
Then I went to view the show on iPlayer, and f*** me I'm fat. Seriously! So that's given me a real impetus to start dieting again from tomorrow.
Only 60 days to go...
Then I went to view the show on iPlayer, and f*** me I'm fat. Seriously! So that's given me a real impetus to start dieting again from tomorrow.
Only 60 days to go...
Day 37: Oh Dear, Part 2
So I went on the date and he was really lovely - kind and funny and empathetic - but I realised I was holding back for some reason, and I didn't know why. He suggested that I wasn't quite over my husband.
So like a crazy person, I took the train straight up to Suffolk to see my husband and told him I didn't know if I was over him. Then he was like 'you know it wouldn't work between us again, don't you?'
And, arguably worse, he wouldn't share his crisps with me.
So that was £72 and a day of my life down the toilet!
I'm OK though. These things happen. You can't say I didn't give things a good try.
So like a crazy person, I took the train straight up to Suffolk to see my husband and told him I didn't know if I was over him. Then he was like 'you know it wouldn't work between us again, don't you?'
And, arguably worse, he wouldn't share his crisps with me.
So that was £72 and a day of my life down the toilet!
I'm OK though. These things happen. You can't say I didn't give things a good try.
Day 36: Oh Dear
I'm going on a date tonight, my first proper date since my marriage ended. He seems really nice, funny, interested and interesting, and I'm wishing I'd dieted effectively and hadn't been swayed by the delectable temptations of gulab jamun and jalebi, or even plain old doughnuts.
It's hard to feel confident when your stomach has developed a life of its own and is escaping over the top of your jeans. I just have to remember that not everyone is shallow. Some people are kind and unsuperficial.
Wish me luck!
It's hard to feel confident when your stomach has developed a life of its own and is escaping over the top of your jeans. I just have to remember that not everyone is shallow. Some people are kind and unsuperficial.
Wish me luck!
August 23, 2018
Day 35: Eid Sweets
There were Eid sweets ('jalebi') in the kitchen at work this week - basically sugar fried in oil. So delicious. Why do I find myself so powerless in the face of free food though? I need the discipline of Will Smith.
I had a conversation with my daughter last night, and realised that I have to slim down for her. I don't want to have a heart attack or develop diabetes or cancer. She is my everything, and I love her so very much, so I need to keep that in mind at all times.
Thank you for being so lovely when I was down on my weight. I'm back on the wagon today, though the wagon is very bumpy and two of the wheels have fallen off.
I had a conversation with my daughter last night, and realised that I have to slim down for her. I don't want to have a heart attack or develop diabetes or cancer. She is my everything, and I love her so very much, so I need to keep that in mind at all times.
Thank you for being so lovely when I was down on my weight. I'm back on the wagon today, though the wagon is very bumpy and two of the wheels have fallen off.
Day 34: A Little Bit Broken
I’m currently writing this while sitting on a busy morning-rush-hour Tube train, because someone gave up their seat for me, because they thought I was pregnant. AGAIN! This happens all the time. These days I just smile and accept, because hell, why not? There have to be some perks to this gut...
I’ve realised that I’m very good at berating my friends for stuff, and telling them ‘you need to apply for jobs’ and ‘you need to start dating again’. I can’t work out why they’re scared of doing the above - the benefits clearly outweigh the risks, and an unemployed single life is nowhere as rich and rewarding as the alternative.
However, while many of my friends seem to have blocks in these areas, I have realised that I too have a block when it comes to dieting. I, too, am a little bit broken - I can’t seem to get down past 70kg - so before telling my friends they should sort their issues, I need to sort my own.
The one consolation is that I used to have serious anxiety issues in relationships, and I seem to have overcome these - so I’m sure I can overcome this mental block too. It’ll take patience and time, but the will is there, and that’s the most important thing.
I’ve realised that I’m very good at berating my friends for stuff, and telling them ‘you need to apply for jobs’ and ‘you need to start dating again’. I can’t work out why they’re scared of doing the above - the benefits clearly outweigh the risks, and an unemployed single life is nowhere as rich and rewarding as the alternative.
However, while many of my friends seem to have blocks in these areas, I have realised that I too have a block when it comes to dieting. I, too, am a little bit broken - I can’t seem to get down past 70kg - so before telling my friends they should sort their issues, I need to sort my own.
The one consolation is that I used to have serious anxiety issues in relationships, and I seem to have overcome these - so I’m sure I can overcome this mental block too. It’ll take patience and time, but the will is there, and that’s the most important thing.
August 21, 2018
Day 33: So Fed Up
I can barely bear to type my ever-static-or-increasing weight into this box any more. I've kind of given up on the whole idea, but will see it through to Day 98 out of sheer bloody-mindedness. At the end I hope I'll view this point as the nadir, or the catalyst that spurred me on to achieve my goal!
August 19, 2018
Day 32: So I Joined a Dating Site...
I spoke to a friend yesterday, and explained that I wasn't feeling confident about dating because of my weight. She talked me out of it and encouraged me to sign up to a dating site, so I did. I even put up some recent photos. My ex-husband said he didn't mind (about me dating, not about the photos).
The response has been... underwhelming. 90% of the men who are clicking on my profile aren't liking it or messaging me. Maybe it's because I'm 38, and they want kids and think I'm a bit past it on that front; maybe my recent pictures just aren't that enticing (as well as the glam ones, I put one up with no make-up on, because any potential date will have to see me without make-up at some point!)
Or maybe it's because I said I'm 'separated' instead of 'divorced', because that's the truth. I guess it's better than having a 'But you said you were divorced!' slanging match further down the line.
Despite the lukewarm response, as my ex-husband points out, it's only been a day. Perhaps everyone's on holiday, or maybe there's been a zombie apocalypse and all the men except for him are dead. I haven't been out of the house for a bit...
The good news is I'm back down to 71.1kg, so the Galaxy hasn't ruined everything.
The response has been... underwhelming. 90% of the men who are clicking on my profile aren't liking it or messaging me. Maybe it's because I'm 38, and they want kids and think I'm a bit past it on that front; maybe my recent pictures just aren't that enticing (as well as the glam ones, I put one up with no make-up on, because any potential date will have to see me without make-up at some point!)
Or maybe it's because I said I'm 'separated' instead of 'divorced', because that's the truth. I guess it's better than having a 'But you said you were divorced!' slanging match further down the line.
Despite the lukewarm response, as my ex-husband points out, it's only been a day. Perhaps everyone's on holiday, or maybe there's been a zombie apocalypse and all the men except for him are dead. I haven't been out of the house for a bit...
The good news is I'm back down to 71.1kg, so the Galaxy hasn't ruined everything.
Day 31: The Shame!
If I were in the army, my name would be Major Binge. Seriously: I had the hugest binge yesterday. Not with my army mate Colonel Sanders (I'm a vegan with vegetarian lapses) but on Galaxy chocolate. Sainsbury's had reduced large bars of Galaxy down to £1 - Sainsbury's, why you do me like this? - and predictably, I bought a shelf of them and shovelled them down my oesophagus.
This is not good. This is not good at all. I'm 67 days away from the book launch and things like the following are still happening:
On Friday, I went to see the lady who threads my eyebrows in amazing fashion. I don't usually see her, as she charges 3x the usual price, but I thought I should start getting my brow game on for the book launch. I hadn't seen her for 18 months, and she beamed, eyed my bulging gut and said excitedly, 'You're pregnant!'
(Seriously, I need to wear a 'Baby Not On Board' badge.)
As the shouty American motivational speakers I listen to on YouTube would yell at me, 'Girl, you need to step it up a notch! You ain't got NOBODY to blame for yo' binging 'cept yoself! Not Sainsbury's reducing their Galaxy - nobody!' And they would be right, as they always are.
So fuck it, I'm going to shame myself into losing this weight by posting a photo and then tweeting this blog. It isn't pleasant. I lose followers every time I tweet about my blog, because diet blogs are ridiculously dull, unless you're talking about the final before-and-after photo post. But it's the only way I'm going to manage this.
I do not want to be 11 stone 4. I want to be 8 stone 4. And I will get there, even if I have to fat-shame myself into it.
Weight: 71.5kg for advanced countries, 11st 4lbs or 158lbs for backward countries
Waist (aka gut): 90cm/33"
Bust: 39"
Self-esteem: on the floor
This is not good. This is not good at all. I'm 67 days away from the book launch and things like the following are still happening:
On Friday, I went to see the lady who threads my eyebrows in amazing fashion. I don't usually see her, as she charges 3x the usual price, but I thought I should start getting my brow game on for the book launch. I hadn't seen her for 18 months, and she beamed, eyed my bulging gut and said excitedly, 'You're pregnant!'
(Seriously, I need to wear a 'Baby Not On Board' badge.)
As the shouty American motivational speakers I listen to on YouTube would yell at me, 'Girl, you need to step it up a notch! You ain't got NOBODY to blame for yo' binging 'cept yoself! Not Sainsbury's reducing their Galaxy - nobody!' And they would be right, as they always are.
So fuck it, I'm going to shame myself into losing this weight by posting a photo and then tweeting this blog. It isn't pleasant. I lose followers every time I tweet about my blog, because diet blogs are ridiculously dull, unless you're talking about the final before-and-after photo post. But it's the only way I'm going to manage this.
I do not want to be 11 stone 4. I want to be 8 stone 4. And I will get there, even if I have to fat-shame myself into it.
Weight: 71.5kg for advanced countries, 11st 4lbs or 158lbs for backward countries
Waist (aka gut): 90cm/33"
Bust: 39"
Self-esteem: on the floor
August 18, 2018
Day 30: 30%
Over 30% of the challenge is complete, but I've only lost 2.4kg. I'd like to lose another 12kg before the challenge is over, meaning I'll be down to 59kg (9st 4lbs). That will entail making a lot of good life choices and believing in my ability to make the right decisions. I've done it twice before - third time lucky?
