Shaunti Feldhahn's Blog, page 4

The Power of Believing the Best in Your Spouse

What are the happiest couples doing differently than the rest of us? 

On this week’s podcast, Jeff and I take a look at perhaps the single-most important secret we’ve learned from the happiest couples in our research. It’s giving your spouse the benefit of the doubt—even when we’re legitimately hurt. 

Because we all get hurt, right?  

When we do, a typical pattern might look like this: One spouse says something that hurts the other (which I might* have done to Jeff the day we were supposed to tape this episode—and trust me when I tell you our hot coffee turned into iced coffee real quick) and then the wounded spouse says, “Ouch. They knew how that would make me feel and they said it anyway.” 

The happiest couples manage to flip that script. We’ll unpack how this works on the podcast this week, but it’s all about building a habit of realizing that (in the vast majority of marriages) your spouse really does care about you and would never want to hurt you.  

(And because we’ve promised to keep it real, we’ll tell you how we thawed the frosty chill in our own home, too.

You won’t want to miss it. This single secret can revolutionize your marriage. 

Episode 3 details:  

 Episode 3: The Power of Believing the Best in Your Spouse 

 Release Date: Tuesday, February 25, 2025  

 Duration: 30 minutes   

 Summary: Shaunti and Jeff explore the secrets behind the happiest marriages, focusing on the importance of believing the best of your spouse’s intentions, even during conflicts. They share insights from their research, personal experiences, and practical applications to help couples navigate challenges and enhance their relationships. The conversation emphasizes the significance of communication, understanding, and the power of good intentions in fostering a loving and supportive marriage. 

 Resources & Links Mentioned:   

The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages 

Speaking Agent: Nicole Owens nowens@shaunti.com  

More info about having Shaunti and Jeff speak HERE 

Support the Show: Our podcast thrives on the support of our incredible listeners. So subscribe to our podcast, Share your favorite episodes, leave us a review, or send us an email to start a conversation about sponsoring an episode or an entire season.   

Connect with Us: We love hearing your thoughts, stories, and voices. Connect with us on social media or email us at webcontact@shaunti.com. Your story could be on the next I Wish You Could Hear This episode.  

Practical help for Real Life

OOur brand new podcast, I Wish You Could Hear This  is live now with episode 3! Listen, follow, and share with your friends on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify and other platforms.  

 On I Wish You Could Hear This, Jeff and I offer proven steps to help you thrive in your life, faith and relationships. In other words, we’ll offer the practical help you’ve grown accustomed to right here in this blog space.   

 You’ll take away specific steps that help you today.  

 You’ll hear not only from us but from fellow authors and friends (so you hear the good behind-the-scenes stuff!), marriage and relationship experts, everyday people, ministry leaders, and other researchers. (We promise to keep that last one fun and fascinating, not boring!)   

If you are interested in having Shaunti bring research-based strategies, practical wisdom and biblical principles to your next event, please contact Nicole Owens at nowens@shaunti.com.

Dive deeper into relationships with our podcast, “I Wish You Could Hear This.” Explore the transformative stories of our guests, each sharing insights that could revolutionize your relationship approach. Navigate challenges, celebrate triumphs, and unlock deeper empathy, and understanding. Tune in to “I Wish You Could Hear This” on your favorite subscription service or watch the episodes on our YouTube channel!

Please note: This post may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn a small amount from qualifying purchases through these affiliate links. This doesn’t cost you anything, and helps us continue bringing you great content!

#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } /* Add your own Mailchimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */ .button {background-color: #3389C2;background:#3389C2;color: #fff} Receive Shaunti’s Blog & Updates* indicates required Email Address * (function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';fnames[3]='SOURCE';ftypes[3]='text';fnames[4]='MMERGE4';ftypes[4]='text';fnames[5]='MMERGE5';ftypes[5]='date';fnames[6]='MMERGE6';ftypes[6]='text';fnames[7]='MMERGE7';ftypes[7]='text';fnames[8]='MMERGE8';ftypes[8]='text';fnames[9]='MMERGE9';ftypes[9]='text';fnames[10]='MMERGE10';ftypes[10]='phone';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);More from Shaunti’s Blog: The Power of Believing the Best in Your Spouse  What are the happiest couples doing differently than the rest of us?  On this week’s podcast, Jeff and I take… Why Can’t My Husband Seem to Take Criticism (and Why Does He Shut Down?) “Why does my husband seem so ‘fragile’?”  The words hung there on the jumbo screens during a live, interactive segment… From Struggle to Strength: A Marriage Transformation StoryIf your marriage is in a season of difficulty, you will not want to miss the incredible reconciliation story of… Why Doesn’t my Wife Feel Secure? Today’s blog is for the guys, and trust me you’ll thank me for years to come. I’m going to help… Welcome to Our Podcast – and our Crazy, Unscripted Story!Jeff and I should never have met at Harvard in fall of 1992. We were in different years of our… Lessons from the LA Fires on Persevering through  PainLike many of you, I have loved ones who are deeply impacted by the Los Angeles fires and the ongoing…

The post The Power of Believing the Best in Your Spouse   appeared first on Shaunti Feldhahn.

Why Can’t My Husband Seem to Take Criticism (and Why Does He Shut Down?)

“Why does my husband seem so ‘fragile’?” 

The words hung there on the jumbo screens during a live, interactive segment of a marriage conference I led with Jeff last year. Other audience members typed similar anonymous questions, which popped up onto the screen in real-time:  

“Why does he view helpful ideas at home as criticism?” “Why does he shut down in an argument?” 

The audience skewed pretty young (probably 90% were in their twenties and young thirties), but these young wives and fiancés were asking age-old questions. Two pretty important misunderstandings that Jeff and I see at every event where we do this sort of anonymous Q&A were surfacing. 

Based on nationally representative research for my bestselling book For Women Only—and from interviews and surveys with more than 20,000 men over the years—I’ve been able to peer deep into the inner lives of men. And here, according to the research, are two fundamental misunderstandings that were driving their questions: 

Misunderstanding #1: Men are prideful and have a big ego, so they can’t stand to be questioned Misunderstanding #2: Men avoid issues by checking out 

Wives, underneath these assumptions and misunderstandings there are some really, important truths about what is going on inside our men that we have to grasp in order to know what to do about it.  

What’s really going on 

First, I’ll summarize quickly what’s driving these two sensitive areas, then get to the actions that will transform the situation. 

Inadequacy 

This may go against every assumption you have about the male ego, but here goes. Rather than having a big ego and feeling like he is “all that,” your husband may be feeling inadequate. We covered in my last blog how the heart cry of a woman tends to be “Am I loveable?” But the heart cry of most men is “Am I able? Do I measure up?”  

For men, imposter syndrome is always right there, at chin level. For some men, it’s at eye level! Feelings of inadequacy rise up far more often than we realize.  

So, if men are at work all day slaying dragons (or trying to) but then come home feeling like they don’t parent right, can’t sort the laundry lights and darks right, and are getting reminded for the 17th time that they haven’t even done a task (much less haven’t done it right), they will feel the weight of not measuring up. What a wife might offer as just a suggestion or sincere desire to “help” (“you should have done it this way”) is often nicking a man’s deepest nerve. (Oof. Does that sound familiar.) 

‘Checking Out’ 

You may see them as avoiding issues or “checking out,” but often it is something else entirely. Most men need to step away from an argument to process. They often have to think things through before they can talk things through.  

As I wrote two weeks ago in my blog “Why Doesn’t My Wife Feel Secure,” most women are verbal processors who want to talk things through … where at least three out of four guys need to retreat during an argument to process things alone.  

There are exceptions, of course, but this general pattern boils down to brain science. For most male brains, the most fluid processing is done internally as the men do a sort of internal chess match to think things through. (“If I do X, then I have to have done Y before that … but then that means Z has to happen over here …”) Some of you women (perhaps 20-25%) understand this instinctively, because you are internal processors too. 

Add to that the fact that the male brain is truly wired to do one thing at a time. For example, most men prefer to think about something or deal with emotions or talk about something, but because of their wiring they prefer to not do all that at the same time. (By contrast, the female brain is wired to do all three at once.) As a result, it usually works better for them to retreat to think things through first.  

Here’s the great news: small adjustments will really support the men we love. Here are four simple steps you can take starting today that will help your husband seem less “fragile” and more fortified (steps 1 and 2) and less “avoidant” and more present (steps 3 and 4). 

Step #1: Don’t major on the minors. 

If a man hears dissatisfied comments about how he loads the dishwasher—or worse, how he interacts with the kids—it is likely he will eventually step back. 

Here’s why: If men feel like they are always trying and failing, it becomes too painful for them to try again. They might even say something like “Fine! You do it,” and walk away. They’re not being overly sensitive. They really feel like they can’t get it right. 

So, wives, let’s ask ourselves: who cares if the dishwasher isn’t loaded the “right” way? (It’s loaded! Just add soap, press start, and say thank you.) And it doesn’t matter that your son “grew out of” the book your husband is reading to him. They’re both having fun, and your son is loving the quality time with his dad.  

Let the minor things go. Avoid the knee-jerk tendency to regularly second-guess. You might think you’re just offering suggestions, but research shows he hears it as criticism. 

Step #2: Help guard his heart.  

Believe it or not, your man’s heart is a very tender place. It’s so tender that he puts walls around it to almost everyone on the planet … except you. You have an opportunity to be the safest person in the world to him—the one that causes him to feel like it’s okay to lower his guard. The one who has his back (and protects his heart) no matter what. 

Most men (76% in my nationally representative survey) confessed to this internal vulnerability. So, while your man may project confidence, its likely he actually feels that inadequacy we talked about earlier. He feels it far more often than we may realize—and it is also far more painful for him than we may realize.  

Step #3: In conflict, give him time to process. 

If we work with the way our man is wired, we’ll be far happier—and he will be, too. This may mean giving him time and space to process his thoughts during an argument. 

In fact, you man’s jaw might drop to the floor if, in the middle of a conflict, you said something like: “I want to keep talking about this, but would it help you to take a break and do something else before we talk some more?” 

Pro tip: show your man my recent blog  about what you probably need—so he knows what to do before he withdraws! 

Step #4: Let him know you believe in him. 

In the daily things of life, let your man know you’re on his side! Instead of accidentally sending a signal that he’s not good enough, look for daily ways to assume the best in him and show him appreciation. 

This can be as easy as saying two words. According to our research, most men are powerfully impacted by simply hearing “thank you.” But there are plenty of related phrases that fill his heart and that he can’t hear enough: 

Thank you for tucking the kids into bed. You’re such a good dad. I’m proud of you for how you solved that crisis at work. It means so much to me that you work so hard to provide for us. I know things at work have been rough recently, and I really, really appreciate it. 

One final word: if you can find authentic moments to share thoughts like these in public, your man’s chest size may grow two inches. Knowing that you believe in him—and you’re willing to put that out there to friends or co-workers—will go farther than you can imagine. 

I hope you see, maybe for the first time, that your man is probably the farthest thing from fragile or over-sensitive. It’s just that that strong and capable man you love is the most open and vulnerable to words of care or criticism from one person in his life: you.  

If you found the content in this two-part blog series helpful, I unpack these principles and dozens of others in much greater detail in my books For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men and For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women. Pick up copies and talk through them together. You’ll be glad you did! 

If you are interested in having Shaunti bring research-based strategies, practical wisdom and biblical principles to your next event, please contact Nicole Owens at nowens@shaunti.com.

Dive deeper into relationships with our podcast, “I Wish You Could Hear This.” Explore the transformative stories of our guests, each sharing insights that could revolutionize your relationship approach. Navigate challenges, celebrate triumphs, and unlock deeper empathy, and understanding. Tune in to “I Wish You Could Hear This” on your favorite subscription service or watch the episodes on our YouTube channel!

Please note: This post may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn a small amount from qualifying purchases through these affiliate links. This doesn’t cost you anything, and helps us continue bringing you great content!

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The post Why Can’t My Husband Seem to Take Criticism (and Why Does He Shut Down?)  appeared first on Shaunti Feldhahn.

From Struggle to Strength: A Marriage Transformation Story

If your marriage is in a season of difficulty, you will not want to miss the incredible reconciliation story of our guests this week on the podcast.

In Episode 2 of I Wish You Could Hear This, our dear friends Scott and Sherry Jennings share their profound journey through control issues, addiction, and infidelity to divorce … and finally to remarriage. Listen in to discover the really doable, simple building blocks they built their second marriage on. (Hint, kindness is one of them.)

It took time, community, and courage to address the deep-seated issues each of them brought into their marriage. She brought control—and, as long as Scott did everything her way, they were “fine.” (If this sounds familiar, you won’t want to miss the effect this had on Scott, and how Sherry broke out of this suffocating pattern.) Add to this Scott’s high level of stress from being a first responder and the unhealthy coping patterns he adopted … and they were destined for brokenness.

But, God.

So, tune in. Borrow their hope for today. And gain a fresh vision and practical takeaways that can help your marriage for years to come.

Practical help for Real Life

Our brand new podcast, I Wish You Could Hear This is live now with episode 2! Listen, follow, and share with your friends on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify and other platforms.

On I Wish You Could Hear This, Jeff and I offer proven steps to help you thrive in your life, faith and relationships. In other words, we’ll offer the practical help you’ve grown accustomed to right here in this blog space.

You’ll listen, say “aha,” and take away specific steps that help you today. You’ll hear not only from us but from fellow authors and friends (so you hear the good behind-the-scenes stuff!), marriage and relationship experts, everyday people, ministry leaders, and other researchers. (We promise to keep that last one fun and fascinating, not boring!)

And episode by episode, we’ll unlock little actions that make a big difference in our lives.

Episode 2 details:

Episode 2: “From Struggle to Strength” with Scott and Sherry Jennings

Release Date: Tuesday, February 11, 2025

Duration: 30 minutes

Summary: Divorced and remarried, Scott and Sherry Jennings share their journey from a marriage marked by control, addiction, and infidelity to a transformed relationship rebuilt on faith and kindness. They discuss their early lives, the patterns they brought into their marriage, and the pivotal moments that led to their healing and reconciliation.

Resources & Links Mentioned:

The Rendezvous Project (https://www.therendezvousproject.com)

Scott and Sherry guided the creation, production, and such for this resource. They are speaking at several events coming up. You can reach out to them through the Zoweh ministry or via email Scott@zoweh.org / Sherry@zoweh.org

Support the Show: Our podcast thrives on the support of our incredible listeners. So subscribe to our podcast, Share your favorite episodes, leave us a review, or send us an email to start a conversation about sponsoring an episode or an entire season.

Connect with Us: We love hearing your incredible thoughts, stories, and voices. Connect with us on social media or email us at webcontact@shaunti.com. Your story could be on the next I Wish You Could Hear This episode.

If you are interested in having Shaunti bring research-based strategies, practical wisdom and biblical principles to your next event, please contact Nicole Owens at nowens@shaunti.com.

Dive deeper into relationships with our podcast, “I Wish You Could Hear This.” Explore the transformative stories of our guests, each sharing insights that could revolutionize your relationship approach. Navigate challenges, celebrate triumphs, and unlock deeper empathy, and understanding. Tune in to “I Wish You Could Hear This” on your favorite subscription service or watch the episodes on our YouTube channel!

Please note: This post may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn a small amount from qualifying purchases through these affiliate links. This doesn’t cost you anything, and helps us continue bringing you great content!

#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } /* Add your own Mailchimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */ .button {background-color: #3389C2;background:#3389C2;color: #fff} Receive Shaunti’s Blog & Updates* indicates required Email Address * (function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';fnames[3]='SOURCE';ftypes[3]='text';fnames[4]='MMERGE4';ftypes[4]='text';fnames[5]='MMERGE5';ftypes[5]='date';fnames[6]='MMERGE6';ftypes[6]='text';fnames[7]='MMERGE7';ftypes[7]='text';fnames[8]='MMERGE8';ftypes[8]='text';fnames[9]='MMERGE9';ftypes[9]='text';fnames[10]='MMERGE10';ftypes[10]='phone';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);More from Shaunti’s Blog: From Struggle to Strength: A Marriage Transformation StoryIf your marriage is in a season of difficulty, you will not want to miss the incredible reconciliation story of… Why Doesn’t my Wife Feel Secure? Today’s blog is for the guys, and trust me you’ll thank me for years to come. I’m going to help… Welcome to Our Podcast – and our Crazy, Unscripted Story!Jeff and I should never have met at Harvard in fall of 1992. We were in different years of our… Lessons from the LA Fires on Persevering through  PainLike many of you, I have loved ones who are deeply impacted by the Los Angeles fires and the ongoing… I Wish You Could Hear This! I’ve been keeping a secret from you. If you caught last week’s blog (the top 10 most popular blog posts… Top 10 Blog Posts from 2024Marriage, contentment, and … unicorn whales? Those were the top blog topics of 2024. I’ll explain! As many of you…

The post From Struggle to Strength: A Marriage Transformation Story appeared first on Shaunti Feldhahn.

Why Doesn’t my Wife Feel Secure?

Today’s blog is for the guys, and trust me you’ll thank me for years to come. I’m going to help you decode your wife’s most baffling behavior.  

Have you ever wondered why your wife: 

Asks “Do you love me?” even though you just told her this morning? Takes your need for space as a signal that you’re trying to get away from her? Wants to talk about your relationship … mostly at the times you least want to? 

Here’s what running underneath. Our nationally representative research for For Men Only revealed that your wife may have a deep, underlying insecurity about whether you really love her. Even the most confident and competent woman may secretly (and subconsciously) wonder if she’s even lovable in the first place.  

Obviously, women have self-agency and are responsible for their own feelings. But, guys, it’s important for you to know the worries and desires running under the surface—because they may be very different from the needs you have been trying to meet.  

Most men have heard “women want to feel secure,” and I am guessing you are eager to provide security for the woman you love. But, to you, that means providing a steady income, a roof over your heads, and maybe something set aside for retirement. All that is great, but it’s not the main security most women seek. There are some exceptions, but the security most women are longing for is in their relationship with you.  

Your wife’s “Am I loved and loveable?” insecurity is probably back there in her mind whether she wants it to be or not. So, with Valentine’s Day approaching, there’s no better time to understand this tender place in your wife’s heart—so you can be the true hero that she is looking for.  

What triggers her insecurity? 

Any guesses on the top trigger for her insecurity? I’ll give you a hint. It’s probably the time you least feel like moving toward her. 

It’s conflict. 

Something that happened on the set of Family Life’s Married with Benefits podcast last year perfectly captures this idea. (And guys, it’s swoon-worthy for women, so take note). After recording an episode on the power of reconnecting after an argument (trust me, it’s big!), one of the young guys in the recording booth confessed he couldn’t think of one thing he does to reconnect with his wife after an argument.  

He kind of hung his head. 

 My co-host Brian Goins and I pressed him to see if he could think of anything.  

 He shrugged and said (and I’m paraphrasing here): “Well, I do tell her, ‘You have unlimited free lives.’”  

Brian and I must have looked confused, because he clarified, “You know, like Mario Kart? If she’s feeling insecure because of our argument I give her a hug and say ‘Don’t worry. You have unlimited free lives.’”  

Every woman within earshot started talking about how amazing that was. He was shocked! 

Guys, the things that make your wife swoon—and help her feel so secure in your love—are usually not the big things. They are the little ones. Here are some of the pure gold steps straight from the research with thousands of women for For Men Only and The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages that will probably help your wife feel very secure. (How do you know for sure? Ask her!)  

  

Step #1: Reassure her before you retreat  

 Just like Mr. Mario Kart above shows us, reassurance for your wife in conflict goes such a long way.  

If you’re like most guys, you need time to process things alone. Yet in our research, we found that only 9% of women want to handle their feelings of insecurity alone.  

Here’s how to honor both needs. When things start to get heated, before you withdraw, simply say something like this to your wife: “I am angry right now, and I need some space. But we are okay.”  On our survey, a whopping 95% of women said something like this would eliminate her emotional turmoil. 

Step #2: ‘Hug the porcupine!’ 
  

Guys, here’s where things get interesting. When she seems to pull away during a conflict, she may not actually want space; she may want a hug. In other words, she may want you to follow her.  

Confusing, right? 

This is when you have to do something that may not come naturally. At one weekend marriage event where we were speaking, Jeff was encouraging the men to ask their wives if what they really wanted in an argument was reassurance and a hug. One man in the audience blurted out, “You mean hug the porcupine?!” Laughter rippled through the audience as women nodded, clapped and said, “YES!” 

 I may seem hard to pursue your wife in the turmoil, but just ask her (at some non-emotional time) if that is what she truly wants. She may confirm that she may seem prickly, but that with a big bear hug she will just melt.   

Step #3: Listen without becoming defensive 

Here’s a truth to tuck into your back pocket and pull out during your next conflict. When your wife wants to talk through a conflict, she probably sees it as a joint-problem solving session—not an attack on you. 

It may feel like an attack on you, and that is why this is a skill you need to build. Resist the urge to believe she’s criticizing you. Our research shows that when most women bring up a problem, they’re not thinking you’ve failed. And that the most important thing you can do in that situation is to press through any (understandable) defensiveness by recognizing that your wife genuinely wants to work on a problem with you rather than point a finger at you. 

Step #4: Keep pursuing her  
  

While dating, you hyper focused your attention on the girl of your dreams. You bought flowers, went out to dinner and even had late-night conversations about something you may not have ever talked about before—your feelings. 

Then when you walked down the aisle, you won. You got the girl. You “closed the deal.” 

Before you move on to the next thing (getting the promotion, finishing your master’s, or becoming a guy who can fix anything), you have to remember the deal with your wife is never closed. Not for her, anyway. For most women, there’s no magic, one-time moment of closure when she will feel permanently loved. 

You may think, “But I already showed her I love her!” And she may know in her head that you love her. But deep in her heart she has the nagging “Am I loveable?” question every day. So, she is looking for the answer every day.  

Here’s the good news. Your gestures of pursuit don’t have to be big-deal, high-dollar events. It is highly likely that your wife will feel reassured, loved, and pursued if you simply: 
  

Put your arm around her in church or at the movies.  Send her a text like “You’re a great mom.”  Hold her hand in public.  Make time with her a priority. Tell her that she’s beautiful to you. (90% of women said that would make their day!) 

Ask your wife if those would help—and if so, do them! That is what will make her feel so secure in your love that you’ll hear those “do you love me?” questions a lot less often. 

Guys, if you found today’s blog helpful, pick up a copy of For Men Only and ask her if the research findings are true about her. She’ll feel so loved!  

And while you’re at it, grab a copy of For Women Only for her for Valentine’s Day. No matter how long you’ve been married, you’ll discover fresh insights about each other that may help your marriage for years to come. 

If you are interested in having Shaunti bring research-based strategies, practical wisdom and biblical principles to your next event, please contact Nicole Owens at nowens@shaunti.com.

Dive deeper into relationships with our podcast, “I Wish You Could Hear This.” Explore the transformative stories of our guests, each sharing insights that could revolutionize your relationship approach. Navigate challenges, celebrate triumphs, and unlock deeper empathy, and understanding. Tune in to “I Wish You Could Hear This” on your favorite subscription service or watch the episodes on our YouTube channel!

Please note: This post may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn a small amount from qualifying purchases through these affiliate links. This doesn’t cost you anything, and helps us continue bringing you great content!

#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } /* Add your own Mailchimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */ .button {background-color: #3389C2;background:#3389C2;color: #fff} Receive Shaunti’s Blog & Updates* indicates required Email Address * (function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';fnames[3]='SOURCE';ftypes[3]='text';fnames[4]='MMERGE4';ftypes[4]='text';fnames[5]='MMERGE5';ftypes[5]='date';fnames[6]='MMERGE6';ftypes[6]='text';fnames[7]='MMERGE7';ftypes[7]='text';fnames[8]='MMERGE8';ftypes[8]='text';fnames[9]='MMERGE9';ftypes[9]='text';fnames[10]='MMERGE10';ftypes[10]='phone';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);More from Shaunti’s Blog: Why Doesn’t my Wife Feel Secure? Today’s blog is for the guys, and trust me you’ll thank me for years to come. I’m going to help… Welcome to Our Podcast – and our Crazy, Unscripted Story!Jeff and I should never have met at Harvard in fall of 1992. We were in different years of our… Lessons from the LA Fires on Persevering through  PainLike many of you, I have loved ones who are deeply impacted by the Los Angeles fires and the ongoing… I Wish You Could Hear This! I’ve been keeping a secret from you. If you caught last week’s blog (the top 10 most popular blog posts… Top 10 Blog Posts from 2024Marriage, contentment, and … unicorn whales? Those were the top blog topics of 2024. I’ll explain! As many of you… Looking Back, and Looking AheadWhat a year, ya’ll! As I’m sure each of you can relate, my year was so full of twists and…

  

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Welcome to Our Podcast – and our Crazy, Unscripted Story!

Jeff and I should never have met at Harvard in fall of 1992. We were in different years of our programs, different schools—and at the one meeting where we might have had a chance at meeting each other, he left early and I arrived late.

And that was that.

But God.

I literally bumped into Jeff later that night. Later, I *might* have joined an acapella singing group because he was in it. You’ll hear the rest of that story, as well as the moment I just knew Jeff was going to say the dreaded phrase, “I just want to be friends” and the crazy God story of how we were directed into writing books and doing research, in our debut podcast today on your listening app of choice and viewable on YouTube.

That’s right! Our brand new podcast, I Wish You Could Hear This is live today! Please help us start strong! Listen, follow, and share with your friends. (If you can’t find it yet on Apple Podcasts, don’t worry, it’ll arrive soon.  We will let you know when it appears. In the meantime, you can listen in on our website, YouTube, or many other podcast platforms.)

Practical help for Real Life

Most of our podcasts offer the practical help you’ve grown accustomed to right here in this space. You’ll listen, say “aha,” and take away specific steps that can help you thrive in your life and relationships.

But on I Wish You Could Hear This we’ll also take you behind the scenes. You’ll hear the mic drop moments from years of research—that have made Jeff and I turn to each other and say, “I wish people could hear this.”

Now, you can.

Of course, we’ll still bring you high-quality blog content, and you’ll still find it right here in your inbox and at Shaunti.com. We’ll alternate the flow each week with blog, podcast, blog, podcast, and, well … rinse and repeat. Thanks for making this adjustment with us as we reach new audiences with the surprising secrets that help people thrive!

Our Backstory

In Season 1, Episode 1 we’ll tell you about us. For example, some of you know Jeff as my husband, coauthor, fellow Harvard graduate, and—if you’ve heard him speak—a likeable guy with impeccable comedic timing. But episode 1 peels back a little bit of how his hardscrabble Michigan farming community life formed his character. (And also how he took a lonnnngggg time to ask me out for a sandwich, much less ask me to marry him.)

I also share how I became an accidental author and some of the early resources that laid a strong, early foundation for ministry.

We could never have scripted our story, but we invite you to listen in. After all, we’re just real people like the 40,000 other real people we’ve interviewed and surveyed in our more than twenty years of research—digging out the little things that make a big difference in people’s lives.

Podcast overview

On I Wish You Could Hear This, Jeff and I offer proven steps to help you thrive in your life, faith and relationships. It’s our way of giving listeners a research-based secret decoder ring for relationship snags, perplexing work dynamics, and some of the mental health complexities that threaten to keep us all from thriving. 

You’ll hear not only from us but from fellow authors and friends (so you hear the good behind-the-scenes stuff!), marriage and relationship experts, everyday people, ministry leaders, and other researchers. (We promise that last one will be fun and fascinating, not boring!)

And episode by episode, we’ll we unlock little actions that make a big difference in our lives.  

Episode 1 details:

Episode 1: Social Researchers, Authors, and Speakers Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn: Our Story

Release Date: Tuesday, January 28, 2025

Duration: 42 minutes (normally it will be more like 30-35 minutes, but in this one we decided to tell the whole story).

Summary: You know us as social researchers and bestselling authors. You may also have heard us speak at a marriage event.  But do you know how Jeff and I met? In episode 1 you will hear that story, as well as why Jeff and I do what we do.   

Resources & Links Mentioned: 

Experiencing God 

For Women Only

For Men Only

Shaunti.com

Support the Show: Our podcast thrives on the support of our incredible listeners. So subscribe to our podcast, Share your favorite episodes, leave us a review, or send us an email to start a conversation about sponsoring an episode or an entire season.

Connect with Us: We love hearing your incredible thoughts, stories, and voices. Connect with us on social media or email us at webcontact@shaunti.com. Your story could be on the next I Wish You Could Hear This episode.

If you are interested in having Shaunti bring research-based strategies, practical wisdom and biblical principles to your next event, please contact Nicole Owens at nowens@shaunti.com.

Transform Your Relationships with Kindness! Join the 30-Day Kindness Challenge and Embrace the Power of Positivity. Watch as Kindness Strengthens Your Connections and Creates Lasting Bonds.

Please note: This post may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn a small amount from qualifying purchases through these affiliate links. This doesn’t cost you anything, and helps us continue bringing you great content!

#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } /* Add your own Mailchimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */ .button {background-color: #3389C2;background:#3389C2;color: #fff} Receive Shaunti’s Blog & Updates* indicates required Email Address * (function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';fnames[3]='SOURCE';ftypes[3]='text';fnames[4]='MMERGE4';ftypes[4]='text';fnames[5]='MMERGE5';ftypes[5]='date';fnames[6]='MMERGE6';ftypes[6]='text';fnames[7]='MMERGE7';ftypes[7]='text';fnames[8]='MMERGE8';ftypes[8]='text';fnames[9]='MMERGE9';ftypes[9]='text';fnames[10]='MMERGE10';ftypes[10]='phone';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);More from Shaunti’s Blog: Welcome to Our Podcast – and our Crazy, Unscripted Story!Jeff and I should never have met at Harvard in fall of 1992. We were in different years of our… Lessons from the LA Fires on Persevering through  PainLike many of you, I have loved ones who are deeply impacted by the Los Angeles fires and the ongoing… I Wish You Could Hear This! I’ve been keeping a secret from you. If you caught last week’s blog (the top 10 most popular blog posts… Top 10 Blog Posts from 2024Marriage, contentment, and … unicorn whales? Those were the top blog topics of 2024. I’ll explain! As many of you… Looking Back, and Looking AheadWhat a year, ya’ll! As I’m sure each of you can relate, my year was so full of twists and… A Christmas Prayer for YouMerry Christmas, friends and ministry supporters! I am thrilled this week to introduce you to my Blog Coordinator Kristy Floyd…

 

The post Welcome to Our Podcast – and our Crazy, Unscripted Story! appeared first on Shaunti Feldhahn.

Lessons from the LA Fires on Persevering through Pain

Like many of you, I have loved ones who are deeply impacted by the Los Angeles fires and the ongoing aftermath. Some close friends live just blocks from the Eaton Fire flashpoint and 90% of their Altadena neighborhood is gone. As of this writing, their house is still there … and so they and their kids are still there, with no water or electrical service, trying to protect their home from constant wind-borne embers, flaring hot spots, and roving looters.

This picture is from their back windows. Most of the neighborhood looks like this.

They know they are among the extremely fortunate few. Still, they too are in pain, getting very little sleep, grieving the loss of a community and way of life, and wondering what tomorrow will bring. Yet here’s what one of them recently posted on social media: “Amid the grief and loss, we are already seeing signs of new sprouts of life. It’s exciting! And terrifying! But we think God has put us here for a mysterious purpose and we are excited to say ‘YES’ along with all of you who want to join us on this journey.”

It honestly made me want to cry. I want to have this kind of perspective … one that perseveres through hard things with grace. I’ll bet you do, too.

Building Perseverance

This leads to an important question: How do we build—and help our kids build—perseverance in the first place? Not just when a physical fire gets out of control, but when our friend group, school life, job, church, health, or marriage feels like it’s burning, too.

This is a key question we are studying in our latest research project on mental health, and it’s WAY too big of a topic to cover fully in a short blog. (It will probably be a whole chapter in our next book!)  But in our research interviews, I see three key habits that will get us started.

Habit #1: Practice healthy coping

When I was going through a challenging book deadline, cancer treatments, massive financial stress due to Covid shutdowns, and some significant emotional trauma, guess what my coping mechanism was?

Food.

Guess whether it helped or not? 

I’m sure you know the answer. I gained pounds, not perseverance.

All of us have healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms, whether we realize it or not. This sounds ridiculously simple, but it is also ridiculously important: If we want to build our “you-can-do-this” muscles in hardship, it means we have to figure out what our coping mechanisms are in the moment. Then we feed the healthy ones (box breathing, praying, walking, or calling a friend), and prune the unhealthy ones (sugar, drinking, sarcasm, rage-texting, or doomscrolling).

The unhealthy habits sabotage perseverance. The healthy ones build it!

I know not every reader has the same beliefs, but followers of Jesus know that ultimately, we have to turn to Jesus Himself rather than anything else we are tempted to lean on.

Who or what do you turn to? Healthy support mechanisms for the tested soul should start with things like prayer, but they don’t have to end there. For example, in our recent interviews with Christian first responders, multiple police officers and firefighters told us they had to choose to build exercise into their routine. They were busy, tired, stretched, and traumatized, yet when they went for a run, with praise music on their playlist, God fortified them.

What fortifies you? What fortifies your kids? Take a moment to think about that—and help your kids think about it—and write it down in the notes on a phone or journal. Then ask God how to build that into the day—especially when you’re tempted to turn to something else.

Habit #2: Pursue social support—of a specific kind

Mounds of evidence shows that creating community and connection is vitally important for building a thriving life. It helps with everything. When you have a supportive community, you are less likely to snap at your kids (yes, it’s true!), more likely to have better physical and mental health and do better in school, and (if your supportive community is supportive of marriage) less likely to get divorced.

What I’m curious about now is: what kind of social support is most impactful for helping us push through life’s challenges?  We can guess that having friends who will encourage us, and who are good listeners matters.

But what we are finding in the research so far is much, much more specific: To truly come through trauma and hardship well, these four variables matter:

You need someone you can talk toYou expect they will ‘get’ your troublesYou expect them to be vulnerable with youYou are vulnerable with them

The pattern applies to everyone and every issue, but let’s suppose you are caring for a spouse whose mental health has dramatically declined. Your once-loving spouse now screams out their needs … or doesn’t even remember you. To process it all, you need to talk to someone—but not just anyone. Your friends from church may sympathize, but they won’t get it. They don’t know the demands of caregiving while someone you love slowly slips away.  So, you need to talk to another caregiver who intimately understands.

And here’s the key: You need to be able to be vulnerable about what you are really going through—and you are most likely to be vulnerable if you expect the other person will be, too.  

So that’s the formula that appears most likely to work: Reach out to the person who can relate—who you think and hope might be willing to really open their heart—and then take the risk to open yours. Build the connection that will be life-giving for both of you.

Habit #3: Find purpose from pain

In research interviews four our latest project, we asked people if they would share their difficult mental health journeys. Over and over they said: “Of course. If it will help people who are going through what I went through, I’m happy to help.”

The people who persevere see the light at the end of the tunnel. The light is often not the end of the pain (because sometimes the pain is ongoing). But seeing a purpose for how the pain might be used makes a difference. Maybe it can help someone else. Maybe it’s to grow them. Maybe it’s to share about the goodness of God even in the heartache.

Notice our friend’s comment as he sits in his Altadena home, protecting it from flareups and looters, in a community filled by other grieving and scared people. “We are already seeing signs of new sprouts of life. . . we think God has put us here for a mysterious purpose and we are excited to say ‘YES.’”

We have to have hope in order to persevere through pain, whether it is in a challenging marriage or a challenging job, a chronic health issue or a long-term financial hardship. We never choose these challenges, but being open to how God can use them, helps us to not give up.

If you are interested in having Shaunti bring research-based strategies, practical wisdom and biblical principles to your next event, please contact Nicole Owens at nowens@shaunti.com.

Transform Your Relationships with Kindness! Join the 30-Day Kindness Challenge and Embrace the Power of Positivity. Watch as Kindness Strengthens Your Connections and Creates Lasting Bonds.

Please note: This post may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn a small amount from qualifying purchases through these affiliate links. This doesn’t cost you anything, and helps us continue bringing you great content!

#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } /* Add your own Mailchimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */ .button {background-color: #3389C2;background:#3389C2;color: #fff} Receive Shaunti’s Blog & Updates* indicates required Email Address * (function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';fnames[3]='SOURCE';ftypes[3]='text';fnames[4]='MMERGE4';ftypes[4]='text';fnames[5]='MMERGE5';ftypes[5]='date';fnames[6]='MMERGE6';ftypes[6]='text';fnames[7]='MMERGE7';ftypes[7]='text';fnames[8]='MMERGE8';ftypes[8]='text';fnames[9]='MMERGE9';ftypes[9]='text';fnames[10]='MMERGE10';ftypes[10]='phone';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);More from Shaunti’s Blog: Lessons from the LA Fires on Persevering through  PainLike many of you, I have loved ones who are deeply impacted by the Los Angeles fires and the ongoing… I Wish You Could Hear This! I’ve been keeping a secret from you. If you caught last week’s blog (the top 10 most popular blog posts… Top 10 Blog Posts from 2024Marriage, contentment, and … unicorn whales? Those were the top blog topics of 2024. I’ll explain! As many of you… Looking Back, and Looking AheadWhat a year, ya’ll! As I’m sure each of you can relate, my year was so full of twists and… A Christmas Prayer for YouMerry Christmas, friends and ministry supporters! I am thrilled this week to introduce you to my Blog Coordinator Kristy Floyd… Merry Christmas, From my Team to You! This week I’ve invited my staff to share a favorite tradition or memory, and you will not be disappointed! From…

The post Lessons from the LA Fires on Persevering through  Pain appeared first on Shaunti Feldhahn.

I Wish You Could Hear This!

I’ve been keeping a secret from you. If you caught last week’s blog (the top 10 most popular blog posts from 2024) you saw that I teased a big announcement at the end of the blog. It’s been in the works for a little while and it’s been a dream for Jeff and me for even longer. 

It’s a … puppy! (Insert an eyeroll from my entire dog-owning ministry team, which KNOWS I am a cat person.)  

No, it’s a podcast! 

I Wish You Could Hear This is the culmination of twenty years of Jeff and I looking at each other saying “I wish people could hear this,” following our interviews or research surveys with more than 40,000 people. 

Now you can!   

What’s the podcast about? 

On I Wish You Could Hear This, my husband Jeff and I will offer the proven and surprising steps to help you thrive in your life, faith and relationships. It’s almost like having a secret decoder ring for your relationship tripwires, unproductive thoughts, or confusing work dynamics.  

Already hooked? Click here to explore our podcast website. We’ve already recorded the first few episodes and you’ll be able to subscribe soon!  (In the meantime, check out this podcast trailer!) 

You’ll hear not only from us but from fellow authors we know (so you hear the good behind-the-scenes stuff!), marriage and relationship experts, everyday people, ministry and business leaders, pastors and counselors, and other researchers. (We promise that last one will be fun and fascinating, not boring!) And episode by episode, we’ll we unlock the surprising secrets that help you thrive. 

In many episodes you’ll hear gripping stories with important takeaways. Or Jeff and I might offer a sneak peek into our latest project, or unpack a simple, but profound “aha moment”—possibly from research that just didn’t make it into one of our books. Other episodes might outline three secret ingredients for a happy marriage or share how God worked in someone’s life in a miraculous way. Another might encourage those just holding on in parenting, ministry, business, or faith with a simple step that can help today.  

Trusted, research-based “little things” that matter—in BOTH blog and podcast form 

As we hope you know, we’re not just armchair quarterbacking ideas or spit-balling “solutions” that sound good. We’ll always deliver what you’ve grown to trust us to provide—proven, research-backed principles and simple, effective actions that are rooted in science and scripture. 

For almost 15 years, we’ve been bringing you the “little things that make a big difference” through our written blog. Now, an email will still come to you each week—but the written blog will usually alternate every other week with a link and a teaser to the latest podcast episode (plus other ministry updates!). Emails from me will now look like this: Blog, then podcast episode, then blog, then … well you get the idea. 

We hope this will give you a way to engage and learn in a whole new way, and loop in new listeners who may not read a blog but who are “podcast people.”  

So please check out our new podcast page on our website! And we encourage you to forward the podcast link to the pastors, counselors, and Christian leaders in your life. The insights we’ll be sharing will help these leaders serve people well.  

Content for subscribers only  

For the first time, we’ll also be releasing exclusive subscriber-only content for our email subscribers. So, if you haven’t already, subscribe to my weekly email list—and keep an eye out for the bonus content that will be coming your way! (Um, my team informs me that there may be some slightly embarrassing outtakes from the podcast involved!)  

What is on tap for this week? 

We are launching I Wish You Could Hear This in a few weeks. But just to “get you in the mood” (ahem, that’s for married couples!), we’re linking this week to one of the top episodes from Married with Benefits, a Family Life podcast I have co-hosted with Brian Goins for four seasons. It also happens to be a throwback to the very first episode we recorded for Season One, Questions Every Wife Is Asking: Why Is He So Interested in Sex? In this episode, Brian and I explored the reality that your husband longs for heart-to-heart connection just like you so—but his efforts sometimes come in disguise. 

Just so you know: I Wish You Could Hear This will expand to many topics beyond marriage and sex. With the content above, we’re simply offering a bit of a tease to what you, our loyal readers, can expect going forward in terms of “hearing” me not just through a blog, but now with my actual voice through a podcast. 

We’ll be back with a written blog next week. And we can’t wait to bring you I Wish You Could Hear This very soon. It really is the joy of my life to be able to help listeners thrive in your lives and relationships, and to record alongside Jeff. We could never have imagined when we met literally by bumping into each other as grad students at Harvard (you’ll hear the story in Episode 1!) that these kinds of doors would open to us. 

Thanks for walking through them with us. We can’t wait to bring this new podcast to you!  

If you are interested in having Shaunti bring research-based strategies, practical wisdom and biblical principles to your next event, please contact Nicole Owens at nowens@shaunti.com.

Transform Your Relationships with Kindness! Join the 30-Day Kindness Challenge and Embrace the Power of Positivity. Watch as Kindness Strengthens Your Connections and Creates Lasting Bonds.

Please note: This post may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn a small amount from qualifying purchases through these affiliate links. This doesn’t cost you anything, and helps us continue bringing you great content!

#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } /* Add your own Mailchimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */ .button {background-color: #3389C2;background:#3389C2;color: #fff} Receive Shaunti’s Blog & Updates* indicates required Email Address * (function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';fnames[3]='SOURCE';ftypes[3]='text';fnames[4]='MMERGE4';ftypes[4]='text';fnames[5]='MMERGE5';ftypes[5]='date';fnames[6]='MMERGE6';ftypes[6]='text';fnames[7]='MMERGE7';ftypes[7]='text';fnames[8]='MMERGE8';ftypes[8]='text';fnames[9]='MMERGE9';ftypes[9]='text';fnames[10]='MMERGE10';ftypes[10]='phone';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);More from Shaunti’s Blog: I Wish You Could Hear This! I’ve been keeping a secret from you. If you caught last week’s blog (the top 10 most popular blog posts… Top 10 Blog Posts from 2024Marriage, contentment, and … unicorn whales? Those were the top blog topics of 2024. I’ll explain! As many of you… Looking Back, and Looking AheadWhat a year, ya’ll! As I’m sure each of you can relate, my year was so full of twists and… A Christmas Prayer for YouMerry Christmas, friends and ministry supporters! I am thrilled this week to introduce you to my Blog Coordinator Kristy Floyd… Merry Christmas, From my Team to You! This week I’ve invited my staff to share a favorite tradition or memory, and you will not be disappointed! From… The 12 Days of Christmas Break: Connect with Your Kids This Holiday SeasonTechnically, the 12 Days of Christmas don’t start until Christmas Day. But for parents about to embark on the no-school,…

The post I Wish You Could Hear This!  appeared first on Shaunti Feldhahn.

Top 10 Blog Posts from 2024

Marriage, contentment, and … unicorn whales? Those were the top blog topics of 2024. I’ll explain!

As many of you know, each year we unveil our annual roundup of the top 10 blog posts from the previous year. (If you’re already frustrated at not being able to keep your New Year’s resolution, read #5. I think you’ll be encouraged.) Think of this top 10 list as your cheat sheet of lessons from 2024—a collection of the topics and stories that resonated most with our readers.

Personally, I was glad to see gratitude (#3), curiosity (#6), and forgiveness (#7)—topics that formed our “Simple Superpower Series”—show up on the list. This series, which we ran last January, identifies simple research-based actions that help our lives and relationships thrive. The whole series is worth a read. (That’s where you’ll see unicorn whales make an appearance.)

Also making last year’s list were two blogs on contentment. I really like that. Maybe in a year of contentious politics, what we really yearned for was contented hearts.

Finally, don’t miss #9. Research shows that more than half of pastors have considered leaving pastoral ministry (not just changing jobs but leaving ministry) since 2020. The demands on them are extraordinarily high. I encourage you to read this blog to be reminded of specific ways we can better support them.

Without further ado, here are the Top Ten Blog Posts from 2024: 
 

1. What Husbands Need Most From Their Wives (see also part 2) 

2. What Wives Need Most From Their Husbands (see also part 2) 

3. What An Attitude Adjustment Can Teach Us About What We DO Have 

4. Finding Contentment in the Everyday: Embracing the Lost Art of Doing Nothing 

5. Trade New Year’s Resolutions for Small Steps That Work 

6. What A Unicorn Whale Can Teach Us About Marriage 

7. What Forgiveness Can Teach Us About Creating a Thriving Life (see also part 2) 

8. How To Handle Unmet Money Expectations (see also part 2) 

9. 5 Truths Your Pastor Wishes You Knew 

10. 6 Steps to Change Your Marriage For The Better (see also part 2) 

If you’re a regular follower of the blog, you will not want to miss next week. We have exciting plans in the works for 2025, and you’ll be the first to know right here!

-Shaunti

If you are interested in having Shaunti bring research-based strategies, practical wisdom and biblical principles to your next event, please contact Nicole Owens at nowens@shaunti.com.

Transform Your Relationships with Kindness! Join the 30-Day Kindness Challenge and Embrace the Power of Positivity. Watch as Kindness Strengthens Your Connections and Creates Lasting Bonds.

Please note: This post may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn a small amount from qualifying purchases through these affiliate links. This doesn’t cost you anything, and helps us continue bringing you great content!

#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } /* Add your own Mailchimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */ .button {background-color: #3389C2;background:#3389C2;color: #fff} Receive Shaunti’s Blog & Updates* indicates required Email Address * (function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';fnames[3]='SOURCE';ftypes[3]='text';fnames[4]='MMERGE4';ftypes[4]='text';fnames[5]='MMERGE5';ftypes[5]='date';fnames[6]='MMERGE6';ftypes[6]='text';fnames[7]='MMERGE7';ftypes[7]='text';fnames[8]='MMERGE8';ftypes[8]='text';fnames[9]='MMERGE9';ftypes[9]='text';fnames[10]='MMERGE10';ftypes[10]='phone';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);More from Shaunti’s Blog: Top 10 Blog Posts from 2024Marriage, contentment, and … unicorn whales? Those were the top blog topics of 2024. I’ll explain! As many of you… Looking Back, and Looking AheadWhat a year, ya’ll! As I’m sure each of you can relate, my year was so full of twists and… A Christmas Prayer for YouMerry Christmas, friends and ministry supporters! I am thrilled this week to introduce you to my Blog Coordinator Kristy Floyd… Merry Christmas, From my Team to You! This week I’ve invited my staff to share a favorite tradition or memory, and you will not be disappointed! From… The 12 Days of Christmas Break: Connect with Your Kids This Holiday SeasonTechnically, the 12 Days of Christmas don’t start until Christmas Day. But for parents about to embark on the no-school,… Are You “Falling Out of Love” … or is it Burnout?This week, I am delighted to invite my colleague and friend, Dr. Jonathan Hoover, Ph.D., into this space. Not only…

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Looking Back, and Looking Ahead

What a year, ya’ll! As I’m sure each of you can relate, my year was so full of twists and turns.

On one hand, I got to do more of what I love and have been called to do:

· I released Find Hope, a beautifully designed 60-day devotional to encourage women toward biblical hope that “sticks”—hope that’s more than just wishful thinking.

· I got to encourage audiences all over the country (often with Jeff) with scientific research and biblical truths proven to help relationships and lives. If you joined my email list this year at a speaking event, I’m so glad that you’re here.

· My bestselling book For Women Only turned twenty! TWENTY! That title, and its companion For Men Only, have sold more than 3 million copies in 26 languages. I had a hunch we were onto something when women craned their necks in coffee shops to hear as I told friends what my research revealed about how men think. But I’m still amazed.

· I coauthored a book in two months while trying to pass a kidney stone that landed me in the hospital (twice!) and while zooming around on a scooter with a torn tendon in my foot. (I don’t recommend any of the above as optimal writing conditions!)

· I traveled to the Dominican Republic to experience the incredible work of Compassion International. I’m so honored to encourage others to release children from poverty in Jesus’ name through child sponsorship. I urge you to close 2024 by opening up a child’s world, and consider child sponsorship through Compassion.

And on the other hand …

So, those were some highlights. But just like many of you, I’ve experienced heartaches, setbacks, and hurdles this year, too. Life can be unbelievably joyful and in the same breath be just so hard. Jesus said in John 16:33 that in this world we will have trouble. “But take heart,” He added, “for I have overcome the world.”

What a tremendous promise.

We need each other to spur us on toward good deeds in the fulness of this promise. So, I want to take this final opportunity of 2024 to let you, my readers, know that I am incredibly grateful for your support of this ministry. I am deeply encouraged every time you write to let us know that a blog mattered to you, or when we get to connect personally at a speaking event, or when you support our ministry by sharing our books, blogs, or social posts with your friends. You are a living, breathing example to me of 2 Corinthians 3:2, when Paul wrote to his friends in Greece:

“You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everyone.”

Jeff, my team, and I put our heart and soul into this ministry. When it makes a difference in your lives, you become a letter that’s written on our hearts and read by everyone around you.

Exciting things ahead

If you’ve followed the blog for a while, you know that we end each year with the “best-of” blogs from the previous year. We’ll bring the “best of 2024” to you next week. It’s a great way to catch up on posts you might have missed, based on what really landed with our readers.

But of course, the New Year is especially time to look ahead! There are several exciting things on the horizon in our ministry that I’ll tell you about as soon as I can. I can’t wait to blow the lid off what my team has been dreaming up for you. I’m not sure whether I keep them busy or they keep me busy, but either way we always have you in our hearts and minds.

You’re the reason we do what we do.

Many blessings to you in 2025.

-Shaunti

If you are interested in having Shaunti bring research-based strategies, practical wisdom and biblical principles to your next event, please contact Nicole Owens at nowens@shaunti.com.

Transform Your Relationships with Kindness! Join the 30-Day Kindness Challenge and Embrace the Power of Positivity. Watch as Kindness Strengthens Your Connections and Creates Lasting Bonds.

Please note: This post may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn a small amount from qualifying purchases through these affiliate links. This doesn’t cost you anything, and helps us continue bringing you great content!

#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } /* Add your own Mailchimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */ .button {background-color: #3389C2;background:#3389C2;color: #fff} Receive Shaunti’s Blog & Updates* indicates required Email Address * (function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';fnames[3]='SOURCE';ftypes[3]='text';fnames[4]='MMERGE4';ftypes[4]='text';fnames[5]='MMERGE5';ftypes[5]='date';fnames[6]='MMERGE6';ftypes[6]='text';fnames[7]='MMERGE7';ftypes[7]='text';fnames[8]='MMERGE8';ftypes[8]='text';fnames[9]='MMERGE9';ftypes[9]='text';fnames[10]='MMERGE10';ftypes[10]='phone';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);More from Shaunti’s Blog: Looking Back, and Looking AheadWhat a year, ya’ll! As I’m sure each of you can relate, my year was so full of twists and… A Christmas Prayer for YouMerry Christmas, friends and ministry supporters! I am thrilled this week to introduce you to my Blog Coordinator Kristy Floyd… Merry Christmas, From my Team to You! This week I’ve invited my staff to share a favorite tradition or memory, and you will not be disappointed! From… The 12 Days of Christmas Break: Connect with Your Kids This Holiday SeasonTechnically, the 12 Days of Christmas don’t start until Christmas Day. But for parents about to embark on the no-school,… Are You “Falling Out of Love” … or is it Burnout?This week, I am delighted to invite my colleague and friend, Dr. Jonathan Hoover, Ph.D., into this space. Not only… Try a New Spin on Thankfulness This ThanksgivingThanksgiving is in two days. This sent a jolt of panic just now through those of you hosting family gatherings!…

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A Christmas Prayer for You

Merry Christmas, friends and ministry supporters! I am thrilled this week to introduce you to my Blog Coordinator Kristy Floyd. She works so faithfully behind the scenes, mapping out the blog posts we bring to you regularly. Out of her own time in Luke Chapter 2, she was moved to write a prayer for us, and I can’t think of a better way to usher out 2024 than to usher us into God’s presence. Feel free to say this prayer out loud and make it your own. May this season be a beautiful one for all of you. – Shaunti

Heavenly Father,

I come before you today reflecting on your Son, our Savior. What a precious gift. You brought Him to earth in quite the set circumstances! As I reflect back on this year, I see that 2024 has had its own unique set of circumstances, too. Some days it seemed so chaotic, uncertain … even fearful.

But then I remember that Mary and Joseph trusted and were obedient, as You asked them to be, even when they were afraid. Father, may we do the same. When life is complicated, when things aren’t what we expect, when we want answers to the unknown, may we trust and obey, filled with the peace only You provide.

Abba Father, instill joy in each of our lives. Not just happiness, but true joy that comes only from your Son. May we look around and see the hearts of others with Your eyes. Help us lean in to those You have brought into our lives.

Finally, Lord, remind us not to fear. Despite uncertainty, help us to hear and expect Your news of great joy.

You have given a Son to save us, open our hearts to trust, show us joy, and bring us peace. We are so very, very thankful, Father.

Amen.

If you are interested in having Shaunti bring research-based strategies, practical wisdom and biblical principles to your next event, please contact Nicole Owens at nowens@shaunti.com.

Transform Your Relationships with Kindness! Join the 30-Day Kindness Challenge and Embrace the Power of Positivity. Watch as Kindness Strengthens Your Connections and Creates Lasting Bonds.

Please note: This post may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn a small amount from qualifying purchases through these affiliate links. This doesn’t cost you anything, and helps us continue bringing you great content!

#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } /* Add your own Mailchimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */ .button {background-color: #3389C2;background:#3389C2;color: #fff} Receive Shaunti’s Blog & Updates* indicates required Email Address * (function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';fnames[3]='SOURCE';ftypes[3]='text';fnames[4]='MMERGE4';ftypes[4]='text';fnames[5]='MMERGE5';ftypes[5]='date';fnames[6]='MMERGE6';ftypes[6]='text';fnames[7]='MMERGE7';ftypes[7]='text';fnames[8]='MMERGE8';ftypes[8]='text';fnames[9]='MMERGE9';ftypes[9]='text';fnames[10]='MMERGE10';ftypes[10]='phone';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);More from Shaunti’s Blog: A Christmas Prayer for YouMerry Christmas, friends and ministry supporters! I am thrilled this week to introduce you to my Blog Coordinator Kristy Floyd… Merry Christmas, From my Team to You! This week I’ve invited my staff to share a favorite tradition or memory, and you will not be disappointed! From… The 12 Days of Christmas Break: Connect with Your Kids This Holiday SeasonTechnically, the 12 Days of Christmas don’t start until Christmas Day. But for parents about to embark on the no-school,… Are You “Falling Out of Love” … or is it Burnout?This week, I am delighted to invite my colleague and friend, Dr. Jonathan Hoover, Ph.D., into this space. Not only… Try a New Spin on Thankfulness This ThanksgivingThanksgiving is in two days. This sent a jolt of panic just now through those of you hosting family gatherings!… 5 Powerful Ways to Stop Arguments Before They StartRemember the “Wear this, not that” memes that made the rounds years ago? I’m taking a page from that playbook…

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