Shaunti Feldhahn's Blog, page 26

Flex Your Ability to be Happier

Have you ever been frustrated or worried by the “snowflake” tendencies of some in the younger generation? For example, a particular type of college student who can’t hear something challenging without being “triggered,” or a young person who wants to avoid offense at all costs? Well, it turns out – not only is that worry well-founded, but we need to gain a little humility and repent of our eye-rolling! Because many of us have similar tendencies without realizing it. Which can lead to an impact many of us have been blind to: it can directly hurt our relationships.

But it turns out – the opposite tendency can dramatically help our relationships!

Not long ago, I came across some research on a little-known trait that is crucial to happy marriages: Psychological Flexibility. In some ways, it is the diametric opposite of our (subconscious) “snowflake” tendencies. A recent study from the University of Rochester reviewed 174 other studies about marriage and discovered that all happy marriages have this one thing in common. In fact, psychological flexibility appears to be key to creating all sorts of great relationships. (Parenting, workplace, in-laws, etc.)

What IS psychological flexibility?

You probably read those words and wondered “what does that actually mean?” I did, too. And after hours of investigating to try to figure that out, I candidly think the “official” answer (and one “official” method of applying it) is complicated, esoteric and unhelpful. But I’m convinced the concept is crucial. I’ll be digging further into this in the coming months, but here’s my best attempt at a simple non-psychobabble answer and a few major things we can know and do right now to apply it.

Simply put, those that are psychologically flexible can roll with the punches of life more easily. This is all about how we handle things when difficult, challenging thoughts, emotions or experiences arise –whether that is something major (a looming health crisis), something minor (our spouse annoyingly putting the dishes in the dishwasher the “wrong way”), or something personally offensive.

The next question is . . . what does that look like in practice? And how do we gain this type of flexibility that seems to be so important?

What does that look like?

Psychologically flexible people tend to have a few common dynamics:

They tend to not get too “triggered” by unwanted feelings and situations,They generally keep a bigger picture mentality, andThey try to meet those challenges head-on.

By contrast, those that are psychologically inflexible tend to have one or all of these dynamics:

They get wrapped up in something that is worrying or frustrating them,They avoid conflict, and/orThey try to control everything. 

I’m guessing all of us can see ourselves on both sides of the line. And even beat ourselves up about the ways we are over on the “inflexible” side of the line. (Or be in denial, I suppose. Who me . . . worry? Avoid conflict? Try to control everything? Nah. . . .)

The key is: how can we move more and more of our thoughts and actions back toward psychological flexibility and further and further away from damaging inflexibility? 

How do we get to that healthy psychological flexibility?

Thankfully, there are many different patterns that appear to help – and I’ll be looking at the research more in the coming months to get a much more specific handle on the “how”.  But in the meantime, here is a big picture overview of the basic actions that I see working:

First, be aware and honest about where you fall on all of those bullets above – both the flexible and the inflexible ones. Know specifically what those are, and you can begin to see how they show up in your life. It is only when we are blind to something that we cannot confront it well. For example, I’ve learned I have a tendency to catastrophize about what X could mean for Y in the future . . . which usually means I’m probably getting stuck in the weeds about a problem and not looking at the big picture!

Second, practice doing the flexible habits and letting go of the inflexible ones. So using my example, I’ve recently tried to be far more mindful of trying to keep a bigger-picture mentality and talk myself out of getting wrapped up with worry about it. (“OK, I’m worried that my son bombed this very crucial test . . . but just because of that, it doesn’t mean that he’ll get a bad grade in the class . . . and even if it does mean he gets a bad grade in the class, it doesn’t mean he won’t get into his top choice for a college engineering program . . . and even if it does mean he doesn’t get into that particular engineering program, it doesn’t mean he can’t be an engineer and/or won’t have an amazing career or life . . .”)

Finally, in particular, be mindful of “looking for the best.” We have seen the importance of that continuously in our research on what makes the happiest marriages, what brings us joy in difficult circumstances, and a host of other positive outcomes. It is easy to focus on the negative, but a purposeful effort to look for the best even in difficult situations yields great benefits.

All of this strongly reminds me of all that is captured by the old phrase, “Let go and let God.” I think that is just another way of describing psychological flexibility!

Find Christ-focused wonder in the midst of everyday life no matter what your situation might be. Pick up a copy of Shaunti’s latest devotional, Find Joy, available in major bookstores.

Check out Shaunti’s latest book and Discussion Guide (co-authored with her husband, Jeff), Thriving in Love and Money. Because you need a better relationship, not just a better budget.

This article was first published at Patheos.

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More from Shaunti’s Blog:

Flex Your Ability to be HappierWhy Your “Type” Isn’t Always Good For YouFour Phrases Your Wife Would Love To Hear From YouI Am Relearning How To Find Rest—And I Need Your StoryMake Your Marriage Happier By Keeping Score And Giving Back

The post Flex Your Ability to be Happier appeared first on Shaunti Feldhahn.

Why Your “Type” Isn’t Always Good For You

Today we are sharing a guest blog from  Debra Fileta , Licensed Professional Counselor, while Shaunti is in this  season of cancer treatments . Enjoy!

Why Your “Type” Isn’t Always Good For You
Debra Fileta, M.A., LPC

When I was single, I would often imagine what my future relationship was going to be like. I wondered about the kind of guy I’d end up dating and marrying. I’d try to picture who he would be and how he would look. I wondered if when I eventually had a picture of him, would I be proud to show it to my friends, or would I find myself with someone with an amazing heart whom I struggled to find attractive? I know I’m not alone in that worry because I hear from many people who express the same fears and concerns.

Finding someone to whom you are physically attracted is an important part of the equation of a healthy relationship. But it’s not the only part of the equation of attraction. It’s important for us to understand that attraction is multi-faceted. While attraction may start as physical, it’s fueled by other aspects of connection: emotional, mental, and spiritual.

 I am thankful that I am married to a man that I find attractive. But I was surprised by my growing attraction to him because he was not my so-called “type.” Physical attraction is a legitimate need in a relationship, but it must be kept in proper perspective, because just because you’re physically attracted to someone, doesn’t mean they’re good for you. Sometimes we’re physically attracted to people because something unhealthy in us, connects with something unhealthy in them. That’s why that initial physical attraction has to be kept in proper perspective. Sometimes it’s skewed by our own internal struggles, and other times, it’s skewed by what the world has led us to believe is “attractive”.  

Healthy expectations

As you are looking at your relationship, it is important to make sure that physical attraction is part of the equation, but more importantly, that you are coming to the table with appropriate expectations. It’s important to remember that expectations of physical perfection or the fulfillment of selfish fantasy are not realistic. Real people have real bodies, and our expectations must be real as well. This is not about finding a supermodel wife or waiting to marry Mr. Universe.

That might sound like a no-brainer to you, but we live in a culture in which the concepts of sexual chemistry and physical attraction have become totally, completely, and irreversibly skewed. The entertainment industry and the pornography culture have completely ravaged our understanding of beauty, and namely, the beauty of a real woman. And this distorted mentality is starting to seep into the church in a truly concerning way. I know, because I hear from Millenials all the time who are battling unrealistic expectations of physical attraction. A young man afraid to marry an incredible woman because her arms were too big. A young woman hesitating to commit to a godly man because he’s shorter than she had hoped. Before we start judging, let’s consider the ways we all come to the table with an unrealistic perspective.

Our concept of beauty and sex appeal has been completely hijacked over the years to the point where our expectations are unrealistic. We won’t even consider seeing someone as attractive if they don’t measure up to the standard that Hollywood has laid out for us, or to the filters that Instagram has convinced us are real life. But we’ve got to open our eyes to the fact that the standard we’ve been fed is so far from reality.

Beauty is fluid. And our desires, as well as the people we will find attractive, are morphed and changed based on the things we allow ourselves to be exposed to. In that regard, we actually have some sort of control over the things we define as attractive and beautiful.

In a culture that is infiltrated with pornography, airbrushed billboards and magazines, plastic surgery, and Instagram filters, our standard of “beauty” has moved so far from the truth that it is causing some major damage to our relational expectations—for both men and women. The more unrealistic images we take in, the more skewed our concept of beauty will be. Single or married, you can expose yourself to so much “fantasy” that real women and real men begin to lose their luster.

We need a reset

The only way to get our expectations moving back to reality is to realize that we need a reset. The reason we say “no” to distorted expectations of attraction is that skin-deep beauty can only last so long. Fast-forward 50, 30, or even 10 years, and your body as well as that of your spouse will have changed, sagged, and likely stretched out beyond recognition. After a few babies, a surgery or two along the way, and the unrelenting process of aging, I can guarantee you one thing: Neither of you will look the same. That is why it is so important to make sure your expectations of physical attraction are kept in check because it is only one part of the equation of lasting attraction.

In marriage, you will see your spouse at their absolute worst. You’ll see them in their most natural state—before the hair, before the makeup, before the accessories. You’ll see them through the lens of real life, which does not hide morning breath, cellulite, or other imperfections. You will be with your spouse through the days of sickness and exhaustion. What will ultimately define your marriage—and ultimately, your very life—is not the “supermodel status” of your husband or wife, but rather, their character.

Your spouse is the person who will have the greatest influence on your happiness, your confidence, and your security. Your spouse is the person who will walk with you through the highs and lows of life, help raise your children, and influence your family in every single way. According to Proverbs, a wife [or husband] of character is a treasure (Proverbs 31:10). And he who finds that finds a great thing, something worth holding onto no matter what. I know so many marriages that started with “amazing physical chemistry” and fizzled into nothing within a few short years. I also know of so many marriages that started on the foundation of good character and godliness—and continued to grow in intimacy, in respect, and in love.

It is time for us to rise above the noise of this culture and set our relationship expectations and standards on things that really matter. It is time to reset our standard of beauty by shutting off the influence of the unrealistic junk and filling our minds and hearts with the truth.

Beauty is fleeting (Proverbs 31:30).Charm is deceptive (Proverbs 31:30).Real beauty runs deep (1 Peter 3:3).Real attraction is multifaceted.Inner beauty cannot be fabricated or replicated.Character is what actually defines a person.Spiritual health trumps everything (1 Timothy 4:8).

It is time for us to say “no” to the unrealistic standards this world is throwing our way. That starts with taking inventory of what we allow our minds to think about and our hearts to lust upon. Maybe that means making the commitment to stay away from porn. Maybe that means turning off Netflix for a while. Maybe it means stepping away from Facebook or TV or magazines. Maybe that means putting limits on how much we mindlessly scroll Instagram. Maybe it means guarding our conversations and how we allow ourselves to talk about the opposite sex.

Ultimately, it means saying no to lies that skew our perception of physical attraction—in exchange for truth. Whether we’re single, dating, engaged or married – it’s time to reset our understanding of the role of physical attraction in our romantic relationships and remember that attraction has just as much to do with character as it does with chemistry.

This article is an excerpt from Debra’s book, Love In Every Season: Understanding the Four Stages of Every Healthy Relationship , and is used with permission. To find out how each season (spring, summer, fall, and winter) can make or break your relationships ORDER LOVE IN EVERY SEASON TODAY .

DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of  Choosing Marriage  and  True Love Dates , and Love In Every Season , and Are You Really OK?  She’s also the host of the hotline style  Love + Relationships Podcast . Her popular relationship advice blog,  TrueLoveDates.com , reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on  Facebook ,  Instagram , or  Twitter or book a session with her today!

More from Shaunti’s Blog:

Why Your “Type” Isn’t Always Good For YouFour Phrases Your Wife Would Love To Hear From YouI Am Relearning How To Find Rest—And I Need Your StoryMake Your Marriage Happier By Keeping Score And Giving BackFinding Joy in the Most Unlikely Places

This article was first published at Patheos.

The post Why Your “Type” Isn’t Always Good For You appeared first on Shaunti Feldhahn.

Four Phrases Your Wife Would Love To Hear From You

Husbands, when your wife is facing tough times or is weary from dealing with the everyday demands of life, and it’s in your heart to help her in some way, you might think, “If I only knew just the right thing to say to make her feel better and let her know how much I love her.”

Well, I have a few suggestions for you. And they aren’t sweet-nothings designed to sweep her off her feet with romance—they’re phrases with substantial intentions and meaning. They’ll meet your wife right where she is and express your love in a concrete way. (But don’t be surprised if they do sweep her off her feet . . . with love and gratitude.)

From my research for the book For Men Only, I know that you guys want to make your wife happy. And for most men, the everyday things you do are your expressions of love and are designed to make your wife feel cared for. But in those times when you know she needs to hear your strong support, here are four phrases she would love to hear from you. 

Phrase #1: “Here, let me do that.”

“What can I do to help?” is a good question and it will likely elicit a smile from your wife. She will appreciate that you recognize her need for a helping hand. Maybe it’s washing the dishes or folding the laundry. Perhaps it’s taking her car in for that pesky oil change or helping your fourth-grader with her book report. By stepping up and taking something off her hands, she will feel as if a couple dozen roses were dropped in by parachute.

Phrase #2: “You’re right. I didn’t do that quite right. Show me again.”

Maybe you stepped in and said, “here, let me do that,” only to be shown a “better” way to do the task at hand (like cleaning the kitchen or dressing the kids). As a man, your gut instinct is to think, “Nothing I do is good enough for you,” and then you back off. Men, understand that your woman has no idea that you secretly worry about being inadequate. Because of that, she doesn’t understand why you would be upset by her implying something wasn’t done right. She’s not trying to criticize you; she’s merely taking you at your word that you want to help and is showing you how best to help. Believe the best of your wife’s intentions, hang in there, and don’t back off. 

Phrase #3: “I’m angry and I need some space. But I’ll be back in a bit. We’re okay.”

When you’re mad or hurt and just need some space to process things, it’s important to let your wife know that the relationship is safe and that you still love her—before you take a walk or retreat to the man-cave. Or maybe you’re dealing with work stuff and need to switch of the “husband” box in your brain for a few minutes and will deal with the argument later. While you’re tinkering in the man-cave and thinking about things, she’s standing outside the door with her stomach in knots wondering if this is that fight—the one that’s going to hurt your love for her. She will probably go on about her day, but if she’s like most women in my research, part of her brain is worrying, “Are we okay?” So reassure her before you go get your space and you’ll be protecting her from hours of stress. 

Phrase #4: “I’m so sorry that happened. How did that feel?”

Most men would rephrase the question like this: “I’m so sorry that happened. Here’s what I suggest you do.” Men are wired to fix things. But as my husband Jeff and I wrote in For Men Only, “How she feels about the problem is the problem.” Supporting your wife doesn’t mean that you try to remove whatever caused the pain—at least not immediately. For most women (although not all), removing the pain is Step 2. Step 1 is helping her talk through all those jangling feelings she’s dealing with. Because of the way the female brain is wired, that is what will reduce the pain most. After a few minutes, you’ll see her tension ease as she feels heard and cared for. Then you can move on to Step 2 to solve the problem if needed. But most importantly, she’ll feel understood.

So the next time you’re searching for just the right words to make you wife feel cared for, try one of these four phrases based on what the situation calls for. Your wife will appreciate the thought and the intentions behind the words. She’ll hear your heart. And she’ll feel loved by the most important person in her life—you.

Find Christ-focused wonder in the midst of everyday life no matter what your situation might be. Pick up a copy of Shaunti’s latest devotional, Find Joy, available in major bookstores.

Check out Shaunti’s latest book and Discussion Guide (co-authored with her husband, Jeff), Thriving in Love and Money. Because you need a better relationship, not just a better budget.

This article was first published at Patheos.

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More from Shaunti’s Blog:

Four Phrases Your Wife Would Love To Hear From YouI Am Relearning How To Find Rest—And I Need Your StoryMake Your Marriage Happier By Keeping Score And Giving BackFinding Joy in the Most Unlikely PlacesHow to Raise a Resilient Child and Why It Matters

The post Four Phrases Your Wife Would Love To Hear From You appeared first on Shaunti Feldhahn.

I Am Relearning How To Find Rest—And I Need Your Story

Three years ago, I started a new season—writing not only research-based relationship books, but women’s devotionals as well. We are about to hit the three-year anniversary of the publication of my very first devotional, Find Rest!

And it is just slightly ironic that I personally am having to re-learn all the lessons of that devotional in a whole new way right now. A lot of us are having to relearn those lessons, right? So many of us have felt so stretched by trying to manage family, work and kids during such an unprecedented time. (I also sense God might be teaching me some things for a future devotional, too. So I would love to hear what you have learned, or any stories about how the devotionals in Find Rest have resonated with you along the way.)

I met a woman recently who described one big lesson that is very worth sharing today.

Stress is a sign that things are out of whack.

Everyone has stress at times. But we shouldn’t live in a state of stress. And if we are, that is a signal that something big and systemic is out of whack. That’s one of the truths that we not only covered in Find Rest, but in the Find Balance Bible study (based on the book The Life Ready Woman).

A woman came up to me at one of my events with tears in her eyes and told me that going through both the devo and the Bible study had completely changed her perspective. And that change in perspective had—as often happens—led to a dramatic life change.

She explained that from the moment she graduated from college she had been on the fast track in her job—she had risen through the ranks in her company to become a key executive and was managing a large number of people. But after she got married and the kids came along, she began feeling like she wasn’t doing a great job of anything. Colleagues at work were upset with her because she had to leave at a decent time to pick up her kids from daycare. She wasn’t spending enough time with her husband. And she didn’t feel like she was spending enough time with her kids.

Like a lot of us, when she was pulled in so many different directions she felt as if she wasn’t really doing any of them well. She also kept getting sick, and she was constantly stressed out.

Show of hands—does this sound familiar to anyone?

When she began to go through the Bible study, she realized: this is not the state our loving heavenly Father wants his children to live in. But then that left the question: what to do about it?

We have both the freedom and the responsibility to choose the right priorities for the right season of life.

As she went through Find Balance and Find Rest, she began to understand something all of us have to come to grips with at different times: that we have to make choices at key points in our lives.

There are seasons of life. There are things you can do in some seasons more easily, that simply won’t work as well in other seasons.

This high-flying corporate star had never let herself even consider that she might want to take a time to have work look very different, in order to invest more in her kids and husband and church. She got a huge amount of her identity from being a “high-flying corporate star” and didn’t want to give that up. And she was holding on to her job so tightly because she felt if she ever set aside that level of responsibility and authority, she would never get it back.

Finally, she allowed herself to consider all those assumptions and realized that all of them were wrong. God had indeed given her corporate leadership and gifts as a part of who she was—and taking time to invest in her kids during a key season didn’t diminish those one bit! She could still bring her talents and gifts to a high-flying corporate job a bit further down the road. It was only her fear that was telling her she would lose everything she had built if she slowed down or pulled away from work altogether for a time. God was not bound by human (or corporate!) logic.

She realized that God was asking her to cut back to a part-time schedule, only working when her kids were in school and being with them the rest of the time. And now when people ask her what she does for a living, she says, “Well, for fifteen years I was an executive. Now I’m in a season of being a mom and doing part-time work.” Knowing that she can have seasons of life—and that “having it all” doesn’t mean “having it all, all at the same time”—has changed her entire perspective.

She realized: she didn’t have to be all things to all people all the time. Creating a healthier balance allowed her to step away from that life stress that was signaling things were out of whack. She could find rest.

We can realize the same.

Share Your Own Story Of How Find Rest Impacted Your Life!

Now … how about you? What is your story of finding rest? What is your lesson learned that you want to share to help others?

The woman whose story I shared is just one example. If you have gained perspective, shifted your thinking, or made life changes as a result of working through our devotional materials or just seeing what God has done in your life, would you share your story with me? Just reach out by sending a message to webcontact@shaunti.com. I would love to hear from you!

Find Christ-focused wonder in the midst of everyday life no matter what your situation might be. Pick up a copy of Shaunti’s latest devotional, Find Joy, available in major bookstores.

Check out Shaunti’s latest book and Discussion Guide (co-authored with her husband, Jeff), Thriving in Love and Money. Because you need a better relationship, not just a better budget.

This article was first published at Patheos.

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More from Shaunti’s Blog:

I Am Relearning How To Find Rest—And I Need Your StoryMake Your Marriage Happier By Keeping Score And Giving BackFinding Joy in the Most Unlikely PlacesHow to Raise a Resilient Child and Why It MattersStop Hooking Up In Your Marriage 

The post I Am Relearning How To Find Rest—And I Need Your Story appeared first on Shaunti Feldhahn.

Make Your Marriage Happier By Keeping Score And Giving Back

Have you ever found yourself keeping a list in your head of the wrongs (big and small) that your spouse has committed in your marriage? It’s so easy to hold onto memories of hurtful comments and selfish actions, or to keep a running tally of our spouse’s personal flaws.

Well, according to 1 Corinthians 13:5, love is not self-seeking and keeps no record of wrongs. It’s not biblical or beneficial to keep score in marriage by tracking the negative aspects and actions of our spouse.

However, the highly happy couples I interviewed for my book, Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, taught me that the best marriages actually do keep score—but in a very different way!

The couples who became the happiest—including many who had at one time been miserable—told me that subconsciously they were always keeping track of what their spouses were giving. As a result, one spouse was constantly aware of what they owed the other, and that helped them to let go and not keep a record of their spouses’ wrongs.

Happy couples recognize how much their spouse does for them.

These couples see how much their mate does for them and make an effort to compensate in some way. This was particularly relevant during seasons when one spouse was going through a particularly difficult time at work, with the kids, or in another key area of life. It was almost a feeling of “Wow, he has been logging so many hours on the construction site, and these new project managers are causing him so much stress! How can I make things easier for him for the next two weeks until the project is done? Maybe I’ll bring him a dinner onsite every few days, so he doesn’t have to worry about getting home for dinner and can relax a bit.”

Happy marriages require give and take.

As a result of keeping score of what their spouse is giving, those “I’ll bring him dinner” types of actions were coming from the heart rather than out of a sense of duty. And they certainly didn’t come with the attitude of “aren’t I doing something so wonderful for him?” Because they originated from a sincere awareness of how much the other person was giving during that time.

A friend of mine refers to this give-and-take as the Canoe Theory of Marriage. Picture a husband and wife paddling across a lake. When one paddler is paddling so hard it tips the canoe to the right, the other paddler compensates by tipping more to the left . . . so they don’t tip over. They partner together by balancing effort for the other spouse when it’s needed—not out of obligation, but out of love.

Make your marriage happier by keeping score and giving back.

Unfortunately, there are some spouses who are just 100% lazy and selfish, but they are by far the minority. In almost every marriage, there are things each partner is doing that are worth noticing which will make you want to “give back”—once you do notice it! It turns out that keeping score in that way and paying your spouse’s generosity forward will keep this healthy cycle going indefinitely.

So pay attention! Look for the sacrifices (big and small) that your spouse makes for you and for the family. Then find ways to give back by easing their burden and making life a bit sweeter for them. It might take some practice, but that’s OK. It’s worth it—for the well-being of your partner and for the happiness of your marriage. You (and your spouse) will be grateful you did!

Find Christ-focused wonder in the midst of everyday life no matter what your situation might be. Pick up a copy of Shaunti’s latest devotional, Find Joy, available in major bookstores.

Check out Shaunti’s latest book and Discussion Guide (co-authored with her husband, Jeff), Thriving in Love and Money. Because you need a better relationship, not just a better budget.

This article was first published at Patheos.

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More from Shaunti’s Blog:

Make Your Marriage Happier By Keeping Score And Giving BackFinding Joy in the Most Unlikely PlacesHow to Raise a Resilient Child and Why It MattersStop Hooking Up In Your Marriage What I’m Loving: March 2021

The post Make Your Marriage Happier By Keeping Score And Giving Back appeared first on Shaunti Feldhahn.

Finding Joy in the Most Unlikely Places

There are times in our lives when joy seems scarce, and times when—by all logic—it should be scarce. (Like, perchance, when one is going through treatments for a significant illness!) This is where I have found myself, every day in recent weeks, in cancer center waiting rooms. Waiting for radiation treatments. Waiting to see this oncologist or that specialist.

Breast cancer in the COVID era involves a lot of lonely waiting.

But isn’t it just like God to surprise us? With notes of grace that show up when—and where—we least expect it? While this is a club I never wanted or expected to join, I have learned and seen so much that has been so valuable for every area of life!

I was thinking about this recently and realized that there are three essential factors that we might otherwise miss, that will help us live in a sense of contentment and even joy during difficult seasons.

Realize: Common circumstances create automatic community.

Think about how much you have in common with the most random, unrelated person you run across in the grocery store today, just because you’ve both lived through this last pandemic year together. You may know nothing about each other, and your actual shutdown experiences might be different, but you have a shared experience of shock, uncertainty, worry and hope that can never be taken away. If you are both moms with young, elementary-school-age kids, you instantly know what each other’s lives have been like for much of the last year—and how little the rest of us get what you’ve gone through. And you know that without having to say a word.

Common circumstances create automatic community. On a very small scale, this is a bit why deployed soldiers bond. And it is why those going through cancer treatment bond, too.

People who have gone through breast cancer have told me over and over how sweet the community is among this group of people. How supportive and kind all the patients, administrators and medical people are to each other within the walls of the cancer center. And you know what? It’s true!

In the waiting room where I go each day for my radiation treatments, I see a lot of different faces, but everyone is so open. People talk and compare notes, “What day are you on?” “Did you do chemo first?” “How did you find out?” I don’t think I have ever seen that in a doctor’s office before. But here we are, with a group of other people who “get” what we’re going through. There is something precious—something life-giving—about this sense of brotherhood (or sisterhood, if you will!)

During any difficult time, find a community—those in the same circumstances who will get what you are going through. As I was writing my most recent devotional, Find Joy, one of the key solutions found in both science and scripture is being intentional in that way about getting connected and allowing others to be connected to you.

Community fosters joy.

I was in another general waiting room recently, waiting for my first visit with another specialist—the medical oncologist who will follow me for next five years. There were eighteen people there, many of them about to have chemotherapy infusion treatments.

Most people sat by themselves, since COVID rules mandate that unless there is a physical or cognitive reason to have a companion, the cancer patients must walk in on their own while their loved ones wait in the parking lot. So there we sat, in our 6-feet-apart, socially distanced bubbles. One person was younger than me; most were quite a bit older. One man was in a wheelchair and on oxygen. He smiled at me as I sat down near him. 

And just as I took my seat, a ringtone blared out on someone’s cell phone from The Temptations—“I’ve got sunshine . . . .” And without missing a beat, more than half of the group instantly started singing along: “ . . . on a cloudy day. When it’s cold outside, I’ve got the month of May….”

Everyone started laughing. A breath of levity in what could easily be so somber an environment. I don’t think that would have happened if this hadn’t been a group of people who saw themselves as a community. But because it was, there was a precious moment of shared laughter that lightened the load for everyone in the room.

True community is created by encouragement of others—even in the most difficult of circumstances

I’ve noticed that even though many of these people in the radiation waiting room, or walking through the halls, are clearly in poor health, they smile. Their skin may have the gray hue of terminal illness, but they say hello and ask questions. They welcome conversation and encouragement with their words and with their body language. And in almost two weeks of treatments among those in far more serious situations than mine, I have never heard one word—not one—of discouragement or negativity among these people.

It is an unspoken rule: here, we encourage one another. Period.

Today, in the small parking lot used exclusively by the cancer center, I saw an elderly husband escorting his elderly wife; she was clearly in a difficult place mentally and physically. They looked as if they had been married 60 years. And as I looked at this eighty-something man take his wife’s shaking hand, I thought how hard it must be to know you are probably losing someone who has been your other half for that many years. Tears welled up in my eyes. And yet, as they turned and saw me waiting to pass them, the husband gently stopped his wife from moving forward. He raised his hand to me and smiled. Go ahead, he mouthed. I hope your treatments go well.

During any difficult circumstances, don’t just find a community—find an encouraging community. Find those who you can encourage and who will encourage you. Flee those who say, “woe is me.”

There’s a place for support in grief, of course; I’ve cried many tears on the shoulders of friends these last few months. But those are the shoulders of friends who ultimately lift me up instead of letting me wallow.

Because think about it: if you are in a group of people who are all beaten down and focused on the undoubtedly difficult shared circumstances . . . is that a real community? Or is that a group of people each focused on themselves?

I tend to think there is much more community built by those like my new hero: an eighty-something year-old man, tenderly holding his wife’s shaking hand, while telling a total stranger that he hopes her treatments go well today.

More from Shaunti’s Blog:

Finding Joy in the Most Unlikely PlacesHow to Raise a Resilient Child and Why It MattersStop Hooking Up In Your Marriage What I’m Loving: March 2021Make Sure Your Wife Knows That She’s Beautiful to You! #mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } /* Add your own Mailchimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */ .button {background-color: #3389C2;background:#3389C2;color: #fff} Receive Shaunti’s Blog & Updates* indicates required Email Address * (function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';fnames[3]='SOURCE';ftypes[3]='text';fnames[4]='MMERGE4';ftypes[4]='text';fnames[5]='MMERGE5';ftypes[5]='date';fnames[6]='MMERGE6';ftypes[6]='text';fnames[7]='MMERGE7';ftypes[7]='text';fnames[8]='MMERGE8';ftypes[8]='text';fnames[9]='MMERGE9';ftypes[9]='text';fnames[10]='MMERGE10';ftypes[10]='phone';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);

Find Christ-focused wonder in the midst of everyday life no matter what your situation might be. Pick up a copy of Shaunti’s latest devotional, Find Joy, available in major bookstores.

Check out Shaunti’s latest book and Discussion Guide (co-authored with her husband, Jeff), Thriving in Love and Money. Because you need a better relationship, not just a better budget.

This article was first published at Patheos.

The post Finding Joy in the Most Unlikely Places appeared first on Shaunti Feldhahn.

How to Raise a Resilient Child and Why It Matters

Today we are sharing a guest blog from Dr. Meg Meeker about raising resilient children while Shaunti is in this  season of cancer treatments . Enjoy!

How to Raise a Resilient Child and Why It Matters

Resiliency is key to living a successful life. Here’s how to cultivate it in your child.

Dr. Meg Meeker, MD

Applying for a new job.

Making friends at school. 

Trying out for the basketball team.

Learning a new hobby.

All of these common life experiences require resilience.

Resilience is perhaps the most important quality a person can have, and, therefore, perhaps the most important quality you can instill in your child.

Resilience is what will ensure your child has a successful adolescence and adulthood. It will ensure she is not deterred by failure or disappointment, which are so frequent in life. And it will allow her to build real relationships and create deeper connections without the fear of those relationships ending.

Who wouldn’t want his child to be successful, able to move on from failure, and able to foster strong, loving community in her life?

Because of this, it’s important to teach your child how to be resilient now, even before the big life challenges come her way. How do you this? The No. 1 way to build resiliency in your child is to let your child fail.

We learn and grow the most not in our successes but in our failures. Any adult understands this. It’s during the trying times that we learn to be resilient and stand back up. We return stronger than we were before. 

However, it is difficult to imagine our kids suffering the heartache of failure, so we often go to great lengths to protect them from it. We do their homework, we fight their battles, we don’t let them try new things, for fear they may not succeed.

My friend Dr. Tim Elmore, author and parenting coach, calls this “over-functioning parenting,” and it really is an epidemic with parents today. Over-functioning parents think they are protecting their child when really, they are doing the opposite. They are failing to prepare their child for adulthood and impairing their potential. 

Stop preventing your child from experiencing failure and start preparing her instead. Allow her to try a new sport or activity that you know she will have to work hard for. Then, when she messes up, allow it to be a learning opportunity.

Letting our children fail is one of the best ways to exercise their resiliency and prepare them for adulthood.

Be aware of how you respond to your child’s failure.

When your child fails, and every child inevitably will, don’t give him a sense that you are worried or that you feel sorry for him. When parents communicate this to their kids, the kids believe that something is wrong with them. Then, they worry even more. Be upbeat and matter-of-fact with him.

Simply say, “Sorry you lost, buddy.” Or, “You did a great job. You can learn how to do better next time.”

He will be emotional and upset, but your steadiness will show him that failure isn’t the end of the world. It’s just a part of life.

Ask the right questions. 

A great way to make failure a learning opportunity for your child is to ask her the right questions afterward. But be aware of your tone. Don’t jab her with questions like What went wrong? or You studied so hard. How did you get a C?

Instead, be kind and curious. Dr. Elmore suggests asking questions like, Why do you think that happened? How did it make you feel? How could you have handled that differently? Next time that happens, what do you think you could do? 

These questions tell your child, You can be resilient. You can come back and win this! This will make your child think you believe in her, and she really can do better next time. Your belief in her now is key to her resilience in the future.

Protecting your child from the world will not make him more resilient. In fact, it will do the opposite. Let him fail. Then, use that failure as a positive learning opportunity. The world today might seem like a scary place, but with the right tools and a strong sense of resiliency, your child will not only survive the real world but will thrive in it.

Meg Meeker, M.D., has spent more than thirty years practicing pediatric and adolescent medicine and counseling teens and parents. Dr. Meeker is a fellow of the National Advisory Board of the Medical Institute, is an associate professor of medicine at Michigan State School of Human Medicine.

A popular speaker on pediatric health issues and child-parent relationships, she is a frequent guest on nationally syndicated radio and television programs. She works with the NFL Fatherhood Initiative and spoke at the UN in 2016 on family issues. Dr. Meeker lives in northern Michigan, where she shares a medical practice with her husband, Walter. They have four children. You can learn more by visiting her website here.

More from Shaunti’s Blog:

How to Raise a Resilient Child and Why It MattersStop Hooking Up In Your Marriage What I’m Loving: March 2021Make Sure Your Wife Knows That She’s Beautiful to You!5 Ways Parents Can Raise Leaders #mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } /* Add your own Mailchimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */ .button {background-color: #3389C2;background:#3389C2;color: #fff} Receive Shaunti’s Blog & Updates* indicates required Email Address * (function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';fnames[3]='SOURCE';ftypes[3]='text';fnames[4]='MMERGE4';ftypes[4]='text';fnames[5]='MMERGE5';ftypes[5]='date';fnames[6]='MMERGE6';ftypes[6]='text';fnames[7]='MMERGE7';ftypes[7]='text';fnames[8]='MMERGE8';ftypes[8]='text';fnames[9]='MMERGE9';ftypes[9]='text';fnames[10]='MMERGE10';ftypes[10]='phone';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);

Find Christ-focused wonder in the midst of everyday life no matter what your situation might be. Pick up a copy of Shaunti’s latest devotional, Find Joy, available in major bookstores.

Check out Shaunti’s latest book and Discussion Guide (co-authored with her husband, Jeff), Thriving in Love and Money. Because you need a better relationship, not just a better budget.

This article was first published at Patheos.

The post How to Raise a Resilient Child and Why It Matters appeared first on Shaunti Feldhahn.

Stop Hooking Up In Your Marriage

Today we are sharing a guest blog from Dr. Juli Slattery from Authentic Intimacy while Shaunti is in this  season of cancer treatments . Enjoy!

I just read a book by Dr. Lisa Wade called American Hookup which describes the sexual culture on college campuses. Sexual activity has been so severed from relationship that kids “hooking up” are discouraged from even talking to the person they just had sex with. One of the foundational truths about sex is that God designed it to be intertwined with spiritual and relational significance. Satan, God’s enemy, works to undo the spiritual and relational connections of sexuality, convincing us that having sex can be an act as morally neutral as what we chose to have for breakfast.

While the hookup culture is an extreme example of this division of the sexual, spiritual and relational, we have all been impacted by the cultural trend to view sex as separate from our personhood. This occurs even within marriage. You can be sexually active without being sexually intimate.

I believe this is far more common in marriage than we realize and can happen for a variety of reasons. Maybe while sharing their bodies, a husband and wife nurture separate fantasies to become aroused. This is oneness in body, but not in heart, mind and spirit. Or perhaps the wife has experienced sexual trauma and has learned to get through sex by disassociating. Her body is there, but not much else. Couples can also have sex without being intimate because of unresolved conflict or simply because they perpetually lack the energy to work on intimacy.

I’ve met with couples who have been married for decades and have never experienced sexual intimacy. They have had sex hundreds of times, but always with invisible barriers that keep them from oneness in mind, soul and spirit. A woman will complain that she feels like a “sex object” and a man will feel like something is missing in his marriage.

God created sexual intimacy to be more than a sensual experience. It is a journey that, when taken together, can forge your hearts in a way that nothing else can. At Authentic Intimacy, our desire is to encourage you on that journey; to help you to fully integrate who you are as a relational and spiritual woman with your sexuality.

If you can relate to the sense that you and your husband don’t experience sexual intimacy, here are three things you can do to grow as a couple:

1. Pray about your sex life. Most Christian couples pray and they have sex, but it never occurs to them to pray about sex. It’s as if God can help us with everything except sex. This plays right into Satan’s lie that sexuality and spirituality are two separate categories. God cares deeply about your sexual relationship and is glorified when you and your husband pray together about it. Pray regularly that God would bless your sexual intimacy, that He would help you to experience true intimacy as you share your bodies and that He would guard your sexual relationship from temptations. After sex, thank Him for the gift of sexual intimacy and for the ways He is helping you and your husband to love each other through it.

2. Share your sexual struggles. The most intimate couples are those who have been in the trenches together. They have built trust to share the most vulnerable of their thoughts and struggles. I think of Justin and Salome who sought healing together for Salome’s history of sexual trauma. Justin didn’t think of it as “his wife’s problem” but as their challenge as a couple. Together, they learned how to identify triggers and how to make their sexual relationship a safe place. Or Lynn and John. In the early years of their marriage, John hid his sexual temptation from his wife. Eventually, Lynn discovered porn on his computer and confronted him with anger and tears of betrayal. What could have torn this couple apart became a journey of intimacy, including confession, forgiveness, accountability and creating a pattern of honesty about weakness and temptation. Every barrier you face in your sexuality is an opportunity to build true intimacy, rather than hiding from your spouse.

3. Save your best for sex. After a full day of work, parenting, and daily life, you’re exhausted. You fall into bed, so excited to sleep only to find that your husband is excited about something else. Inwardly you groan, “Really? Sex is the last thing on my mind.” What do you do at this crossroads? Tell him what you’re really thinking or let him have the “leftovers”? While this kind of sexual encounter is bound to be part of sex in marriage, it shouldn’t be too frequent. Having sex doesn’t take a ton of energy, but sexual intimacy requires that you be fully present. This is one of the negatives of those who encourage women to always say yes when a husband asks for sex. You begin to establish a habit sex around a sexual release rather than a sexual relationship. Over twenty years of marriage, I’ve learned that it’s better to say “yes” to building intimacy, which may mean saying “no” in the moment. To build sexual intimacy, you have to give the best of your time to each other, not just the leftovers.

As I look in the mirror, I don’t exactly love getting older. But one great thing about accumulating years is a growing confidence in God’s truth. It makes me so angry to see how Satan’s destruction of sexuality is being embraced as “normal” in our world. God created you to experience your sexuality as fully integrated with your spiritual and relational longings. Resist the hookup culture, even within your marriage.

Dr. Juli Slattery is a clinical psychologist, author, speaker and the president/co-founder of Authentic Intimacy. Juli earned her college degree at Wheaton College, an MA in psychology from Biola University, and an MS and a Doctorate degree in Clinical Psychology from Florida Institute of Technology.

From 2008-2012, Dr. Slattery served at Focus on the Family writing, teaching, and co-hosting the Focus on the Family Broadcast. In 2012, she left Focus on the Family to start Authentic Intimacy, a ministry devoted to reclaiming God’s design for sexuality.

Juli is the author of ten books and host of the weekly podcast “Java with Juli.” Juli and her husband Mike are the parents of 3 sons; they live in Akron, Ohio.

More from Shaunti’s Blog:

Stop Hooking Up In Your Marriage What I’m Loving: March 2021Make Sure Your Wife Knows That She’s Beautiful to You!5 Ways Parents Can Raise LeadersThe Next Step in My Cancer Journey #mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } /* Add your own Mailchimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */ .button {background-color: #3389C2;background:#3389C2;color: #fff} Receive Shaunti’s Blog & Updates* indicates required Email Address * (function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';fnames[3]='SOURCE';ftypes[3]='text';fnames[4]='MMERGE4';ftypes[4]='text';fnames[5]='MMERGE5';ftypes[5]='date';fnames[6]='MMERGE6';ftypes[6]='text';fnames[7]='MMERGE7';ftypes[7]='text';fnames[8]='MMERGE8';ftypes[8]='text';fnames[9]='MMERGE9';ftypes[9]='text';fnames[10]='MMERGE10';ftypes[10]='phone';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);

Find Christ-focused wonder in the midst of everyday life no matter what your situation might be. Pick up a copy of Shaunti’s latest devotional, Find Joy, available in major bookstores.

This article was first published at Patheos.

The post Stop Hooking Up In Your Marriage  appeared first on Shaunti Feldhahn.

What I’m Loving: March 2021

Sometimes, you just have to share things that make you happy.

I started four weeks of daily radiation treatments for breast cancer last week. And since this has (ironically) come on the heels of me releasing the Find Joy devotional, I’m reminding myself daily to look for things that bring joy even in the midst of a very unexpected journey.

So although I won’t do this often (since I want to focus on bringing you helpful content for your life and your relationships!), I’m going to occasionally post a blog simply pointing out little things that might bring a little joy and happiness to your day. There is value in that!

Plus, it’s just kind of fun to share the things I’m loving with some of my favorite people—YOU!

So here’s what I’m loving right now:

I have to tell you: when my daughter Morgen showed me this TikTok, I must’ve played it 3 times in a row! There’s something that makes me so happy about this little guy prancing along. I love it so much. I want to be him!mortythemisfit – Mr. Mortimer – TikTok

And as I’ve been dealing with some distractions in our ministry, I’ve played it again. It’s been a good reminder that there are a lot of causes for joy in the world—and that I need to focus on those even when other things are hard.

2. Another thing I’m loving is this reversible wrap made for me by a friend.

One of the frustrations from some of the testing I’ve had for my breast cancer was a bad reaction to an MRI biopsy. It resulted in a large hematoma, and it was so uncomfortable to put on a coat! I love wraps anyway, but my prior one was falling to pieces. A friend of mine said she would make one for me! So I went to the fabric store, picked out some pretty fabric and she spent hours and hours making me a wrap so I could wear something comfortable (and beautiful!) as I recovered. I LOVE it—and her!—and have worn it every single day over the last few weeks.

3. I am LOVING that my daughter bought me a box of Girl Scout cookies to give me a little cheer!

She drove home from college to have dinner with us and spend the night, just to hang out, and had those in hand when she arrived! Jeff and I are so grateful for her and our son, and their sweet, kind hearts. This week I am loving that we have sweet kids.

4. The weather in Atlanta! I’m so thankful that spring has finally hit the South—sort of!

The dogwood trees and flowers are starting to bloom. Even though it is still cold at times (hence the ongoing need for my wrap!), I love that as I drove into the hospital complex for my radiation treatment today that the gardeners were planting flowers along all the landscaping areas. It is always good to be reminded of new life! (And aren’t these pictures gorgeous? These were taken by my Executive Assistant’s father. You can see more of his beautiful photography here.) 

5. And lastly, wow—can I tell you how much I love and appreciate my fellow author/speaker/blogger friends who have volunteered to help me by posting guest blogs while I’m in treatment? I have many friends lined up over the next few weeks who have graciously offered posts that I can share with you. Their support has meant the world to me.

Here are a few blogs we’ve posted so far in case you’ve missed them: J. Parker (an article about higher desire wives), Julie Gorman (on what to do when anxious thoughts take over), Jill Savage (on putting the fun back in your marriage), and Alli Worthington (on raising children to be leaders). I’m sure you’ll enjoy them as much as I have!

That’s all for now, friends. In the meantime, I hope you’re finding things you’re loving today that make life a bit more joyful.

P.S. Let me know what you think of this new format in the comments below! Have something you love that you want to share with me? Please do! It may get featured in future “What I’m Loving” posts!

More from Shaunti’s Blog:

What I’m Loving: March 2021Make Sure Your Wife Knows That She’s Beautiful to You!5 Ways Parents Can Raise LeadersThe Next Step in My Cancer JourneyWhen She Wants Sex More Than He Does #mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } /* Add your own Mailchimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */ .button {background-color: #3389C2;background:#3389C2;color: #fff} Receive Shaunti’s Blog & Updates* indicates required Email Address * (function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';fnames[3]='SOURCE';ftypes[3]='text';fnames[4]='MMERGE4';ftypes[4]='text';fnames[5]='MMERGE5';ftypes[5]='date';fnames[6]='MMERGE6';ftypes[6]='text';fnames[7]='MMERGE7';ftypes[7]='text';fnames[8]='MMERGE8';ftypes[8]='text';fnames[9]='MMERGE9';ftypes[9]='text';fnames[10]='MMERGE10';ftypes[10]='phone';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);

This article was first published at Patheos.

The post What I’m Loving: March 2021 appeared first on Shaunti Feldhahn.

Make Sure Your Wife Knows That She’s Beautiful to You!

The morning had gotten away from Liz—it was 11:00 am and she was still in her robe and slippers. But two loads of laundry were done, the kids were fed and dressed, and the bills were ready to go out in the mail. She sat down at the kitchen table for her third cup of coffee and her husband walked in from the garage, where he had been working on his own Saturday chores.

He poured himself some coffee, kissed the top of her head, and sat down next to her. “I’m a mess!” she said, laughing and shaking her head. “Nope,” he said. “You’re gorgeous to me.” In that instant, the stress of the workweek, the rush of the morning, the grubbiness she felt all melted away.

Men, your wife—at her most decked out and when she’s a bit disheveled—needs to know you think she’s beautiful. You might think she already knows it, or you might save your comments for when you know she’s put extra effort into looking nice. But in those everyday moments, too, you can provide some powerful encouragement by letting your wife know she’s beautiful to you.

Out of all the areas where men are encouraged to be expressive in sharing their thoughts and feelings with their wife, this is one of the most important. Here’s why…

Even secure women wonder if their man (still) thinks she’s pretty.

You may be surprised to learn that even the most secure-looking, confident women are still very much little girls inside. Even as adult women we’re asking the most important man in our life: “Do you think I’m pretty?” On my surveys of women, it’s clear that most of us have a deep desire to know that, even after years of marriage, we are still beautiful to our husbands. And that need never goes away. Maybe your wife spent a lot of time on hair and makeup or bought a new outfit for a special occasion. Or maybe she’s in Saturday morning casual mode. Either way, if she never hears any words of acknowledgment, she probably feels like you don’t really find her beautiful, whether she’s tried her very hardest or not.

Women are constantly bombarded with unrealistic expectations.

It might help you to look around at the magazines and the billboards and realize that your wife is bombarded all day, every day with completely unrealistic expectations—images that shout to her “this is what you must look like if you want to be beautiful to your man.” These images tell her she must lose more weight, look younger, be sexier, dress better . . . and that pressure can get to even the most confident of women. The good news is that if you take the time to tell your wife that she’s beautiful to you, day to day, with all her wonderful individuality, you will be providing her with the best antidote for that pressure.

Your wife needs to know you think she’s beautiful. If you need some encouragement to improve in this area, here’s what I suggest. Take a sticky note, post it on your desk at work, or in your closet—somewhere only you will see it—and write on it in big letters: “My wife won’t know that I find her beautiful unless I tell her.” Then look for opportunities to say it, on the special dressed-up occasions as well as the casual, come-as-you are moments. She needs to know you think she’s beautiful, inside and out. Tell her!

More from Shaunti’s Blog:

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Find Christ-focused wonder in the midst of everyday life no matter what your situation might be. Pick up a copy of Shaunti’s latest devotional, Find Joy, available in major bookstores.

Check out Shaunti’s latest book and Discussion Guide (co-authored with her husband, Jeff), Thriving in Love and Money. Because you need a better relationship, not just a better budget.

This article was first published at Patheos.

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