Amy Julia Becker's Blog, page 46

What Will Perfect Humanity Look Like?

I used to think I knew what perfect humanity looked like. I thought it had to do with virtues like kindness and honesty. I also thought it had to do with physical strength and independence. As a Christian, I referenced Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden and Jesus as two exemplars of what humanity was supposed to look like.

And I thought that people with disabilities didn’t fit this vision. 

But once Penny was born, I started to question my assumptions. I started to reorient “perfection” towards the Greek idea of completion, or wholeness, rather than strength. I started to reorient perfection towards love and community rather than independence. 

I remember reading Chuck Colson’s introduction to his daughter’s memoir Dancing with Max, about her son (his grandson) who has autism. I was worried Colson was going to talk about how Max would be healed when he went to heaven or something like that, and instead, Colson wrote that he thought he would probably be more like Max in heaven. 

My general sense is that many people with disabilities—and perhaps intellectual disabilities in particular?—demonstrate something true about our humanity because of the awareness and lack of self-consciousness about being needy and dependent and vulnerable. I think all of us are both broken and beloved, and the belovedness will remain and the brokenness will be healed. But I also think the healing will look different than we expect. Whatever we look like when we are fully in God’s presence, perfect humanity will mean looking more like love.

More with Amy Julia:

What Our Bodies Are Like in HeavenGod’s Boundless LoveBooks About Disability and Theology

If you haven’t already, you can  subscribe  to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , Twitter ,  Pinterest ,  YouTube , and  Goodreads , and you can subscribe to my  Love Is Stronger Than Fear  podcast on your favorite podcast platform. 

The post What Will Perfect Humanity Look Like? appeared first on Amy Julia Becker.

New Glasses: It Matters What I Think

Penny is getting new glasses, after 15 years of more or less the same ones. We’ve changed the prescription but not the frames, per her request.

But she has recently decided it is time for a change. We are in round two of samples. Trying them on one at a time and taking photos. Evaluating the look, the feel, the style. 

Last night, I told her what I thought. 

She said, “It doesn’t only matter what you think.” And then, “It also matters what I think.”

She said it matter-of-factly. No snark or sass. Just a statement that what she thinks about herself matters. And, actually, matters more than what I think. 

What she thinks matters so much.

More with Amy Julia:

Finding Places Where Everyone BelongsBook:  A Good and Perfect Gift: Faith, Expectations, and a Little Girl Named Penny Free Resource:  Missing Out on Beautiful: Growing Up With a Child With Down Syndrome Disability and Respect: Look Her in the Eye

If you haven’t already, you can  subscribe  to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , Twitter ,  Pinterest ,  YouTube , and  Goodreads , and you can subscribe to my  Love Is Stronger Than Fear  podcast on your favorite podcast platform. 

The post New Glasses: It Matters What I Think appeared first on Amy Julia Becker.

March Introductions

Hello and welcome! I wanted to introduce myself once more:

I write a lot.

I have been writing posts of some sort for the internet for 18 years now. It’s been at least 5 days a week for at least 10 years. That’s at least 2500 posts. Plus 5-ish books and a LOT of essays in that time. I sometimes summarize what I write about with the words “faith, family, and disability.” 

I drink beverages all the time.

Copious amounts of Paris tea with almond milk. Lots of carbonated water with the help of a Sodastream. And I carry a water bottle, with a straw, everywhere. I am constantly in need of a restroom. 

I do not ever watch television shows by myself.

Peter and I always have a series that we are watching together. (Right now, The Crown, The Chosen, and Ted Lasso. Old favorites have included The Wire, Friday Night Lights, Lost, This Is Us, Breaking Bad, Emily, and The West Wing.) But I recently decided that I need a show that I can watch all by myself when Peter is away and I need something (other than a glass of wine!) to relax in the evening. So I am proudly on episode 19 of the first season of Madam Secretary. Some of the plot points are contrived but in general I am loving it.

I only sleep with background noise.

I used to call it white noise, but I have an app on my phone (Sound Sleep), and it offers four noise colors, and I apparently actually prefer brown noise. So. I sleep with brown noise wherever I go. 

I care a lot more about “success” than I want to admit.

I’ve recently been doing a deep dive into Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7), and I would really like to store up treasures here on earth as well as in heaven. I would really like the approval of ALL my fellow humans as well as of God. It’s a long, slow work to unlearn the messages of my culture that tell me my value comes from what I accomplish in the world. A long, slow work of grace and love. 

I’m so glad you’re here and would love to hear about your quirky habits, what you’re watching, and what you’re learning too!

More with Amy Julia:

AboutBooksSpeaking

If you haven’t already, you can  subscribe  to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , Twitter ,  Pinterest ,  YouTube , and  Goodreads , and you can subscribe to my  Love Is Stronger Than Fear  podcast on your favorite podcast platform. 

The post March Introductions appeared first on Amy Julia Becker.

Books I’m Reading Right Now

I have three different sets of books. There are the early morning spiritual books, the ones that stay with my journal and my Bible. Then there is the non-fiction one I keep in the kitchen and read over breakfast and lunch. And then there are the memoirs and novels that sit by my bed and accompany me to sleep each night. Here’s what I’m reading right now:

Lessons in Chemistry.

This novel has been a bestseller for months, so I am definitely late to the party. And the cover made me think it would be far more frivolous than it was. It’s the story of Elizabeth Zott, a chemist battling the sexism of the 1950s through a cooking show on television. It is both an easy read and a compelling depiction of the challenges women face to be taken seriously.  Lessons in Chemistry

All My Knotted-Up Life.

I’m loving this poignant, gorgeous memoir by Beth Moore. She writes so well that somehow even the ugly truth that needs telling comes out beautifully. All My Knotted-Up Life

Bootstrapped.

Okay, I haven’t actually started this one yet, but it is next on my list as I continue to try to understand the myth of the meritocracy in America. Bootstrapped

The Sermon on the Mount.

I’ve spent the past few weeks slowly moving through Jesus’ sermon recorded in Matthew 5-7, and John Stott’s commentary has been my guide. It is rich and deep and convicting and inspirational all at once. It makes me see how frequently I turn away from God’s way of being and also how much I want to walk in that way. The Sermon on the Mount

Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership.

I’m slowly making my way through this helpful guide for leaders who want to keep their souls alive and well for the long haul. I thought it might just be for pastors, but I would say it is highly worthwhile for leaders in any profession. Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership

Do you read fiction and non-fiction? What’s one book you are loving right now? One book you’re aspiring to read?

More with Amy Julia:

Books About Disability and TheologyFavorite Books I Read in 20229 Non-Fiction Books I Loved in 2021

If you haven’t already, you can  subscribe  to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , Twitter ,  Pinterest ,  YouTube , and  Goodreads , and you can subscribe to my  Love Is Stronger Than Fear  podcast on your favorite podcast platform. 

The post Books I’m Reading Right Now appeared first on Amy Julia Becker.

Siblings on World Down Syndrome Day

Last weekend I mentioned to our kids that March 21 was World Down Syndrome Day. I reminded them that a few years ago, Marilee thought we should celebrate this day by saying yes to everything Penny wanted. 

This time, Marilee said, with a bit of a smile, “When is the day we celebrate me and say yes to everything I want?” 

William turned on the big-brother cynicism: “Are you saying we should have a World White Girl Day for you and a World White Boy Day for me?” 

His point, other than mildly mocking his sister, was that the lives of kids like him are already celebrated every day. He doesn’t work hard to get peers or adults to respect him, but he has witnessed adults talk about Penny as if she weren’t present. He doesn’t struggle to find clothes that fit his body, but he knows that Penny’s petite frame makes it harder. He gets invited to participate in school activities and friend groups, and he knows those social interactions are fewer and farther between for Pen. He doesn’t encounter essays that suggest his life might not be worth living, but he has read the comments on some of my writings that question the value of lives like his sister’s.

Marilee has a point too. That each and every human life is worthy of tremendous celebration. That she needs to know how important and meaningful her life is to those of us around her. 

And that families celebrating the one child with Down syndrome need to be aware of the way that can feel for the other siblings. 

And so yes, on World Down Syndrome Day we celebrate Penny. We celebrate the lives of people with Down syndrome around the globe. But we also celebrate the families and siblings they love. And we are grateful for the way they remind us all of the inherent and inestimable value of each and every human life. 

What gifts we are given simply in encountering one another.

More with Amy Julia:

Skiing, Disability, and LoveWhen One Child Needs More AttentionWorld Down Syndrome Day 2023

If you haven’t already, you can  subscribe  to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , Twitter ,  Pinterest ,  YouTube , and  Goodreads , and you can subscribe to my  Love Is Stronger Than Fear  podcast on your favorite podcast platform. 

The post Siblings on World Down Syndrome Day appeared first on Amy Julia Becker.

Limitations vs Limiting beliefs

I’ve been wrestling lately with the difference between my limitations and my limiting beliefs. As I look ahead to our upcoming move, I don’t want to succumb to outdated gender roles that have me doing all the moving and managing. I also don’t want to pretend that a year of transition for our whole family doesn’t necessitate my attention and won’t change the way I spend my time. 

I don’t want to live according to the limiting beliefs around women. I don’t want to live according to my own insecurities and the way I limit my own potential with messages that I am not good enough. 

But I do want to acknowledge and live within my very real human limitations. 

My limitations return me to my general humanity, beginning with neediness. My need for sleep and sustenance. My need for love and relationship. My limitations also reveal my particular humanity through my particular needs for time alone and for writing and reading. Those same limitations remind me that I’m not great at all things. I don’t love gardening. Or decorating. Or large crowds. Or cheering at sporting events. If I accept my humanity, I accept that these things I sometimes perceive as deficiencies are simply part of who I am. Limited. Needy. Vulnerable. Dependent. And beloved.

As I look ahead to an uncertain future, I’m looking for ways to receive my limitations without limiting the possibilities for growth that lie ahead. 

I want to reject limiting beliefs as the lies that they are and receive limitations as a gift.

More with Amy Julia:

S5 E3 | The Spaciousness of Limits with Ashley HalesEnglewood Review of Books Podcast: Disability and LimitationsDisability and the Speed of Love with Dr. John Swinton

If you haven’t already, you can  subscribe  to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , Twitter ,  Pinterest ,  YouTube , and  Goodreads , and you can subscribe to my  Love Is Stronger Than Fear  podcast on your favorite podcast platform. 

The post Limitations vs Limiting beliefs appeared first on Amy Julia Becker.

World Down Syndrome Day 2023

I love World Down Syndrome Day. 

It’s a day to simply pause and celebrate the goodness of a world with people with Down syndrome in it. 

It’s a day to pause and celebrate the good and ordinary life of people like our daughter Penny.

In the past on World Down Syndrome Day, I’ve gone global. Once I had the honor of finding 21 different people with Down syndrome from around the globe and compiling their photos and brief stories for Parents Magazine. I’ve written for other news outlets like the Washington Post and Good Morning America and Christianity Today. 

But this year I want to stay local, with our very particular daughter living her very particular life. 

I want to celebrate the times I hear her in her room practicing her cheerleading routine behind closed doors. The way she still slides her hand into mine when we go for a walk. The way she always wants to know the details of my choices when I go out to eat. The routine she still has with me (a song and a prayer) and with her dad (an elaborate handshake and reminder of all the teams they root for) before bed. The ways she is growing up into a responsible, thoughtful, independent young woman.

But it is impossible to celebrate Penny in isolation. One of the beautiful things about having a child with Down syndrome is recognizing how much we all need each other every step of the way. And so if I want to celebrate Penny, I also need to celebrate her teacher who met with me last week and showed me the notes she had taken in anticipation of Penny’s next PPT meeting. I need to celebrate her pediatrician, who gave Penny autonomy to meet with her without me in the room since she is 17 now. I celebrate her dance teachers and cheer coach and pastor. I celebrate her friends. I celebrate her siblings, who make sure she does her fair share of the chores and who appreciate her laughter. 

And it is impossible to celebrate Penny only in this moment. Because one of the other beautiful things about having a child with Down syndrome is recognizing the generations of people who have gone before us. Who opened the doors to school buildings and workplaces and closed the doors to institutionalization and sheltered workshops. Who advocated for legislation and financial supports and social supports. Who wrote curriculum and innovated medical procedures.

World Down Syndrome Day 2023

So tomorrow, on World Down Syndrome Day 2023, we celebrate all the people who support Penny right now. We celebrate all the people who have created a world that is more welcoming and supportive than ever before. We celebrate Penny alongside the millions of women and men with Down syndrome who bring goodness and light into our lives. 

The post World Down Syndrome Day 2023 appeared first on Amy Julia Becker.

Screen Time Check-In

So a few weeks ago, Peter texted our family chat and asked everyone to share a screenshot of their screen usage numbers for the previous week. 

Screen Time Check-In

I’m not going to go into the details of the screen time check-in, but let’s just say we all came face to face with some habits we didn’t really want to present to the rest of the family. We recognized some patterns we didn’t even want to see about ourselves.

I also came face to face with my technical inabilities, since I couldn’t even figure out how to find the screen that would tell me the appropriate data. And then I saw the number of “pickups”—the number of times I pick up and open my phone every day. An average of 100. Gulp. (I did the math. If I’m awake for 16 hours, that’s basically me picking up my phone and checking it once every ten minutes. All. Day. Long.)

And I won’t expose everyone else, but I will say there is a LOT of time on TikTok around here. And YouTube. (What does it say about me that I would be THRILLED to see my kids watching sitcoms, television dramas, or actual movies for hours on end?!?)

None of us loved what we saw about ourselves. But none of us beat ourselves up about it either. 

The kids suggested putting limits on the amount of time they are allowed to be on each app. A week later, once they blew through those limits on a regular basis, they asked for a password that they didn’t know so they simply had to be cut off.

It’s been such a good experience in recognizing how much we need gracious accountability. How much we need honest and humble acknowledgment of the hard truths of our behavior. How much we need each other to stumble toward the people we some day hope to become.

More with Amy Julia:

Holding the Lines as a ParentSummer Screen Time UpdateNew Rules For Screen Time Pt. 2

If you haven’t already, you can  subscribe  to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , Twitter ,  Pinterest ,  YouTube , and  Goodreads , and you can subscribe to my  Love Is Stronger Than Fear  podcast on your favorite podcast platform. 

The post Screen Time Check-In appeared first on Amy Julia Becker.

Understanding the Tides

I have struggled with understanding the tides. I’ve looked up scientific explanations. I’ve asked teacher-friends to explain them to me. I’ve memorized the tide charts and known how far the sea will recede. But I haven’t ever understood how they work. 

Then I came across a passage in Katherine May’s lovely and brilliant new book, Enchantment: Awakening Wonder in an Anxious Age. May writes:

“…tides are gravity made visible…As the earth rotates, the sea reaches towards the moon, causing a high tide at the closest point. A simultaneous high tide rises at the opposite point on the globe, too, the farthest point from the moon…There are two giant waves travelling endlessly around the earth, and twice a day we see their full volume. We barely sense the scale of what is really happening, because we only ever witness it locally. We rarely stop to think that they join us to the entire planet, and to the space beyond it.” 

For my literary mind, this evocative and beautiful description gave me an image and explanation that helped more than any textbook ever has in understanding the tide. May offered science and wonder all mixed up together. Her description of the natural world pulled me towards meaning-making, towards curiosity about what connects us to one another here on this earth, what connects us to something beyond this earth. 

Gravity made visible. 

Two giant waves traveling endlessly around the earth. 

And an invitation to understand science through the realm of wonder, curiosity, and hope.

More with Amy Julia:

Like Trees, We Need Stress in Our LivesScience for the Church: Becoming Like TreesMaybe Fall Could Last Forever

If you haven’t already, you can  subscribe  to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , Twitter ,  Pinterest ,  YouTube , and  Goodreads , and you can subscribe to my  Love Is Stronger Than Fear  podcast on your favorite podcast platform. 

The post Understanding the Tides appeared first on Amy Julia Becker.

Novels (for Adults) with Characters with Intellectual Disabilities

What novels have you read, recently or in a long-ago English class, that involve characters with Down syndrome or other intellectual disabilities? I’ve been thinking for a long time about the way people with IDD are portrayed in literature. I’m inclined to say they aren’t always (usually) fully human, with a range of emotions and possibilities. And yet they are often used within a story to demonstrate the sicknesses within our society.

I suspect I’ll have more to say about this topic at some point, but for now, I’m wondering if there are books I should add to my list. Here’s what I have so far:

The Sound and the Fury by William FaulknerThe Violent Bear It Away by Flannery O’ConnorChild’s Play by Alice MunroFlowers for Algernon by ​​Daniel KeyesOf Mice and Men by John SteinbeckTo Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

What novels (for adults) with characters with intellectual disabilities would you add to this list?

More with Amy Julia:

Two Picture Books (for Everyone) With Characters With Down SyndromeTIME | Where Are All the Children’s Books Featuring Kids With Down Syndrome?Main Characters With Intellectual Disabilities in Chapter Books

If you haven’t already, you can  subscribe  to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , Twitter ,  Pinterest ,  YouTube , and  Goodreads , and you can subscribe to my  Love Is Stronger Than Fear  podcast on your favorite podcast platform. 

The post Novels (for Adults) with Characters with Intellectual Disabilities appeared first on Amy Julia Becker.