Amy Julia Becker's Blog, page 40
June 16, 2023
Father’s Day 2023
Peter and I both remember the dinner where we admitted to each other that we weren’t sure we ever wanted kids. We liked our little family as it was, just the two of us. We had a lot of freedom. We took trips to California and Europe. We painted our own bedroom (a rather shocking shade of green, as it happened). We read books out loud to each other. And we each had plenty of time to do the work we wanted and felt called to do.
We eventually, thankfully, tripped our way into expanding our family. Seventeen years on from becoming parents, I am so glad that I get to know my husband as a father too.
He makes us all laugh. He regulates screen time with far more vigor than I do. He makes spontaneous ice cream trips and also makes the kids wash the dishes. He read the Lord of the Rings in its entirety to both William and Marilee (changing the main characters’ names with Marilee so the heroes became young women). He gets mad sometimes. He apologizes. He leads them in their love of the Yankees. He leads us all in caring about how things and spaces are designed. He pushes them physically in ways I never could. He was the first Taylor Swift fan in the family. And he insists on attending every parent-teacher conference, cheering as often as possible at games and meets, and—even more crucially—making time for one-on-one walks and meals and trips together.
He’s a great dad. I’m so glad I married him but also so glad we took what felt like the risk of ruining our partnership by becoming parents. He gave me the immeasurable and unbelievable blessing of these three kids. And the blessing of seeing him become a dad.
Happy Father’s Day on Sunday!!!
More with Amy Julia:
Happy Father’s Day 2022Holding the Lines as a ParentResponsive ParentingIf you haven’t already, you can subscribe to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on Facebook , Instagram , Twitter , Pinterest , YouTube , and Goodreads , and you can subscribe to my Love Is Stronger Than Fear podcast on your favorite podcast platform.
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June 13, 2023
Self-Care in Seasons of Stress
The past month has included three kids finishing the school year at three different schools, Peter coming to the end of his tenure at a fourth school, and getting ready to move.
In the midst of the whirlwind of all these beautiful people in my life having important things happening that I want to witness, I said to a friend, “Well, I don’t have to write, so I’ve mostly been letting that fall to the side.”
She responded, “Oh, but you do have to write.”
What she meant was that for me to go through the world—and especially for me to move through any season of stress—pretty much requires me to write. For my sake.
It brought me back to the early days of Penny’s life, when my mom would come to visit. She would give me instructions: “Either go take a nap or go write in your journal.” She knew what it looked like for me to take care of myself. Sleep. Or write.
One big challenge for me these past few weeks has been to prioritize taking care of myself. Not just taking care of all the people I love. Not just loving my neighbor (and son and daughters and husband), so to speak. But loving them as I love myself. As I receive the gracious care and faithful presence of God’s enduring love that is not only for everyone around me but also for me. Right here. Right now.
Caring for myself has included getting enough sleep (though I will admit to some wild anxiety dreams), making time to pray and journal and read the Bible every morning, and reducing my alcohol consumption (I’m a convert to these drinks my friend Patricia introduced me to called Moment). It has also meant writing.
I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling the pressure of this time of year and the temptation to wait to take care of ourselves once everything has calmed down and everyone else has their needs met. I’m also sure I’m not alone in recognizing the foolishness of the words I just wrote.
So I invite you to think about what a good mother would tell you to do to take care of yourself today, knowing that when you receive the love and care you need, you are all the more ready and able to offer that love to those around you.
More with Amy Julia:
Falling Off the May TreadmillWhat Story Are You Telling Yourself?S6 E5 | The Healing Work of Rest with Ruth Haley BartonIf you haven’t already, you can subscribe to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on Facebook , Instagram , Twitter , Pinterest , YouTube , and Goodreads , and you can subscribe to my Love Is Stronger Than Fear podcast on your favorite podcast platform.
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June 12, 2023
S6 E21 | A Good Life, A Good Death with Dr. Lydia Dugdale
How do we prepare now to die well? Can we reimagine care of the dying in all of its messiness as a gift? Dr. Lydia Dugdale, a medical ethicist, internal medicine doctor, professor, and author of The Lost Art of Dying, talks with Amy Julia Becker about:
DisabilityDeathMedical assistance in dyingHonoring all human life as the gift it is without idolizing life /*! elementor - v3.13.3 - 28-05-2023 */.elementor-toggle{text-align:left}.elementor-toggle .elementor-tab-title{font-weight:700;line-height:1;margin:0;padding:15px;border-bottom:1px solid #d5d8dc;cursor:pointer;outline:none}.elementor-toggle .elementor-tab-title .elementor-toggle-icon{display:inline-block;width:1em}.elementor-toggle .elementor-tab-title .elementor-toggle-icon svg{-webkit-margin-start:-5px;margin-inline-start:-5px;width:1em;height:1em}.elementor-toggle .elementor-tab-title .elementor-toggle-icon.elementor-toggle-icon-right{float:right;text-align:right}.elementor-toggle .elementor-tab-title .elementor-toggle-icon.elementor-toggle-icon-left{float:left;text-align:left}.elementor-toggle .elementor-tab-title .elementor-toggle-icon .elementor-toggle-icon-closed{display:block}.elementor-toggle .elementor-tab-title .elementor-toggle-icon .elementor-toggle-icon-opened{display:none}.elementor-toggle .elementor-tab-title.elementor-active{border-bottom:none}.elementor-toggle .elementor-tab-title.elementor-active .elementor-toggle-icon-closed{display:none}.elementor-toggle .elementor-tab-title.elementor-active .elementor-toggle-icon-opened{display:block}.elementor-toggle .elementor-tab-content{padding:15px;border-bottom:1px solid #d5d8dc;display:none}@media (max-width:767px){.elementor-toggle .elementor-tab-title{padding:12px}.elementor-toggle .elementor-tab-content{padding:12px 10px}}.e-con-inner>.elementor-widget-toggle,.e-con>.elementor-widget-toggle{width:var(--container-widget-width);--flex-grow:var(--container-widget-flex-grow)}Guest Bio:
“Lydia Dugdale MD, MAR, is the Dorothy L. and Daniel H. Silberberg Associate Professor of Medicine and Director of the Center for Clinical Medical Ethics at Columbia University. Prior to her 2019 move to Columbia, she was Associate Director of the Program for Biomedical Ethics and founding Co-Director of the Program for Medicine, Spirituality, and Religion at Yale School of Medicine. She is an internal medicine primary care doctor and medical ethicist. Her first book, Dying in the Twenty-First Century (MIT Press, 2015), provides the theoretical grounding for this current book. She lives with her husband and daughters in New York City.”
Connect Online:
Website: lydiadugdale.comOn the Podcast:
Book: The Lost Art of Dying: Reviving Forgotten WisdomInterview Quotes
Coming soon
Season 6 of the Love Is Stronger Than Fear podcast connects to themes in my latest book, To Be Made Well, which you can order here! Learn more about my writing and speaking at amyjuliabecker.com.
*A transcript of this episode will be available within one business day on my website, and a video with closed captions will be available on my YouTube Channel.
*A transcript of this episode will be available within one business day, as well as a video with closed captions on my YouTube Channel.
Note: This transcript is autogenerated using speech recognition software and does contain errors. Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
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Apple Podcasts Google Podcasts Spotify More! Learn more with Amy Julia:
To Be Made Well: An Invitation to Wholeness, Healing, and Hope What Does It Mean to Say “Life Is a Gift”?S6 E17 | Questions for a Life Worth Living with Matt CroasmunIf you haven’t already, you can subscribe to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest, YouTube, and Goodreads, and you can subscribe to my Love Is Stronger Than Fear podcast on your favorite podcast platforms.
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The Ordinary Glory of Marriage
We were married 24 years ago today.
It’s really hard to find words to convey the gratitude and wonder I feel, not only when I think about getting to be married to Peter, but also when I think about the people and circumstances that have all contributed to us still being married. We stood in front of over 200 people on that day 24 years ago. And yes, we pledged ourselves to each other. But we also asked those gathered to hold us to it.
We were pretty sure marriage would bring adventure and wonder and delight, and it did. We didn’t know that marriage would bring heartache and disappointment and dreams deferred. We didn’t know that marriage would bring the growth that only happens by being cracked open.
I had a chance to read an early version of Esau McCaulley’s new book, How Far to the Promised Land (which comes out in September and is certainly worth a pre-order), and I sent McCaulley’s words, about his marriage, to Peter because they ring so true:
“Ours is like any marriage that lasts. We had to give up enough of ourselves to make room for the other person, but we had to retain a sufficient amount of who we were to avoid bitterness. All marriages become a third thing, neither one partner’s dream nor the other’s, but a different glory, an ordinary one we made together.”
Today, I give thanks for the ordinary glory of this marriage, and I give thanks for the ordinary glory of all the people who have held us together along the way.
More with Amy Julia:
3 Questions We Asked That Really Helped Our MarriageThe Most Important Thing We Do as a Married CoupleThank You, Tim Keller, for Confounding Us AllIf you haven’t already, you can subscribe to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on Facebook , Instagram , Twitter , Pinterest , YouTube , and Goodreads , and you can subscribe to my Love Is Stronger Than Fear podcast on your favorite podcast platform.
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June 9, 2023
Thank You for Your To Be Made Well Reviews
I’m so grateful to readers who have reviewed To Be Made Well on Amazon and Goodreads, sent me personal messages, and told others about the book. It ALL makes a difference! Thank you!
One review said:
“… I also care deeply about healing and have experienced deep inner, emotional, relational, sexual, and even physical healing through both communal and medical means. What I didn’t anticipate was how it would feel to read the book in the context of learning how to love our church community, where physical suffering and illness have felt, at times, like the only “acceptable” kinds of suffering to share within or even outside of the church. Becker’s book speaks to this dynamic skillfully with appropriate theological nuance and prophetic invitation.”
More with Amy Julia:
To Be Made Well: An Invitation to Wholeness, Healing, and Hope
To Be Made Well Small Group Video SeriesTo Be Made Well Discussion GuideIf you haven’t already, you can subscribe to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on Facebook , Instagram , Twitter , Pinterest , YouTube , and Goodreads , and you can subscribe to my Love Is Stronger Than Fear podcast on your favorite podcast platform.
The post Thank You for Your To Be Made Well Reviews appeared first on Amy Julia Becker.
June 7, 2023
How a Dance Performance Gave Me a Glimpse of a World Made Right
She wanted it to be a surprise.
So when we showed up to watch Penny on stage for her annual Spring Dance Fest, we were expecting the usual. Penny would dance. We would feel proud of her and grateful for the studio that has built into her day after day and week after week and year after year for over a decade now. We would give her flowers and cheer for her and her classmates.
But then her first dance began, and she was doing something different than everyone else. And then the other dancers moved to the side. Penny wasn’t in the back row, a little hard to see. She was performing a solo. Confident. Beautiful.
Her second dance started, and there she was again, front and center. Confident and beautiful.
It took years of hard work on Penny’s part to build the mental and physical strength to perform like this in front of hundreds of people. It also took a decision on the part of her teachers to feature her.
Peter and I both sat there, astonished and teary and not even believing what was in front of us. Our daughter. Performing a solo. Lifted up for all to see.
It drew my mind to the passages in the Bible that talk about how God “lifts up the lowly.” One aspect of justice is toppling the mighty, those who use and abuse power for their own glory. But another aspect of justice is lifting up the lowly.
We don’t all need to be humbled. Some of us need to be exalted.
And when the ones who are usually overlooked and sidelined become the ones who are honored and lifted up, we get a glimpse of more than a dance performance. We get a glimpse of the beauty and goodness of a world being made right. We had a glimpse of that world on Sunday afternoon, when a young woman with Down syndrome took center stage.
More from Amy Julia:
On Pointe, Step by Determined StepPenny’s Dance FestDance Like Everybody’s Watching (and Celebrating What They See)If you haven’t already, you can subscribe to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on Facebook , Instagram , Twitter , Pinterest , YouTube , and Goodreads , and you can subscribe to my Love Is Stronger Than Fear podcast on your favorite podcast platform.
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June 6, 2023
A Reservoir of Hope
How can we build up a reservoir of hope?
Last year, when I was teaching the young children at Hope Heals camp, we talked about a verse from Romans 15:13:
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
I was in the midst of what felt like a pretty hopeless personal situation, and this verse felt almost like an accusation every day I had to say it out loud to dozens of kids. I didn’t want to be disappointed again. Hope felt pointless. But that vision of hope that overflows prompted me to pray these tiny meager prayers and to wait with a tiny glimmer of expectation that God could show up in what seemed like a hopeless place.
I can’t go into the details of what happened, but as it happened, the situation was transformed in ways that I can only call miraculous.
I would love to say that this experience taught me to always pray large, bold prayers and to hold on to hope as a firm foundation that cannot be shaken. But that wouldn’t be the truth.
The truth is that I still fear the future. I still feel the temptation of hopelessness.
And yet, the older I get, the more I build up a reservoir of hope.
These days, when the inexplicable happens, when I encounter grief and hardship and a sense of God’s absence, those are still hard days. But I look back on my life, and I look around at the lives of others who can testify to the presence of God’s goodness and love, and I realize that the hope has not run dry. Even when it feels like there is no hope in the present moment, I can draw on the hope that has built up through times like last summer. I can even draw upon collective hope—the reservoir we fill up together as we share our stories of God’s faithfulness across time and throughout the generations.
And so I continue to pray, for myself and for you, Romans 15:13: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
More with Amy Julia:
Why a Superbloom Is an Image of Hope for UsThe Gift of Hope HealsHope on Holy SaturdayIf you haven’t already, you can subscribe to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on Facebook , Instagram , Twitter , Pinterest , YouTube , and Goodreads , and you can subscribe to my Love Is Stronger Than Fear podcast on your favorite podcast platform.
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June 5, 2023
I’m Not the Mom for Prom…
Here are some things I’m good at as a mom:
listening to our kidsasking questionsmaking sure they get enough sleep, as toddlers and as teenagersshowing up for events and performancesmaking waffles on Saturday morningteaching executive function skillsconsistencyHere are some things I’m not good at as a mom:
shoppinghairmakeupshoesmanicures, pedicures, or any other treatment that might happen in a spaWhich is to say, I am not exactly the mom you want on prom night.
Thankfully, Penny picked out her dress online and ordered it and it fit and was exactly what she wanted. Thankfully, her friend Ona invited her to get their nails done together the day before. Sadly, her sister Marilee (who excels at hair and makeup) had a bat mitzvah to attend. And unfortunately, Penny had a dance rehearsal so we only had an hour to get ready and therefore no time to go to a hair salon.
I did my best. It wasn’t perfect. Her hair fell out soon after she got on the bus. She didn’t blame me. And she still glowed with her own beautiful smile and thanked me for helping her get ready.
(Yes, next year, we will make sure we ask for more help!!!)
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Hillsong was extraordinary. That’s the problem. | RNS
I watched the FX documentary, The Secrets of Hillsong last week, and it struck me that the allure of Hillsong was also the cause of its downfall. If you aren’t familiar with the story, Hillsong NYC’s pastor, Carl Lentz, grew the church to seven services with thousands of congregants. He also had multiple affairs, and various other moral failings which led to the church’s eventual closing.
I had a chance to write about the problem of Hillsong alongside the power of ordinary churches for Religion News Service:
“The problem of Hillsong goes deeper than the scandals surrounding a celebrity pastor. The problem of Hillsong arises with the desire to be an extraordinary church led by an extraordinary communicator and extraordinary musicians creating an extraordinary experience. When it comes to church, we don’t need to be entertained. We don’t need to be wowed. We need ordinary churches with ordinary people doing ordinary work in communion with an extraordinarily loving God.”
To read more about the problem of Hillsong and the power of ordinary churches, go here.
More with Amy Julia:
Religion News Service: Hillsong was extraordinary. That’s the problem. The Blessings of a Small ChurchI’m a Denominational MuttIf you haven’t already, you can subscribe to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on Facebook , Instagram , Twitter , Pinterest , YouTube , and Goodreads , and you can subscribe to my Love Is Stronger Than Fear podcast on your favorite podcast platform.
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June 1, 2023
June Introductions
Hi! If you’re new around here, I’m Amy Julia (double name–I also go by AJ). This lovely little corner of the internet continues to grow, so I wanted to say hello and introduce myself. I’d love to hear from you as well! So here are 6 things to know about me:
I never wear hats. I know the photo here suggests that I’m lying, but actually this was a highly unusual scenario in which I was letting go of anxiety and embracing the moment of a Taylor Swift concert while also accepting Marilee’s hat as a way to protect myself from the rain. But it kind of makes me want to wear hats more often.Still on the Taylor Swift thing (read my post from last week to get that whole story): I loved every minute of that concert. I also started yawning around 9:15, two hours before the show was over, because that is indeed my typical bedtime, even on a Saturday night.All of this is to say, I have always acted older than my age. That’s probably why I loved turning 40, because it was a long time coming. I am now 46, and my doctor tells me I’m officially shrinking, but I would rather be 46 than any other age. I love books. Reading, writing, editing. Here are the ones in my queue right now: The Emotional Lives of Teenagers, Transcendent Kingdom, The Candy House, King: A Life, and The Patient Ferment of the Early Church. Per that last point, my interests include teenagers, wellness, justice, Christianity, and spiritual formation. I love introducing people to the way of grace and love embodied by Jesus. I am rarely at a loss for words. This is both a true statement about me and a reason for me to cut off this introduction and make space for you to say hello in the comments! Welcome. I’m so glad you are here.More with Amy Julia:
AboutBooksSpeakingIf you haven’t already, you can subscribe to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on Facebook , Instagram , Twitter , Pinterest , YouTube , and Goodreads , and you can subscribe to my Love Is Stronger Than Fear podcast on your favorite podcast platform.
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