Amy Julia Becker's Blog, page 38

Scorned for Following Jesus | Life to the Full

Everyone who became involved in the Civil Rights movement under Martin Luther King’s leadership was asked to sign their name to King’s Ten Commandments of Non-violence (see photo below). Those commandments begin with the words “Meditate daily on the teachings and life of Jesus.” The other nine commandments flow from these teachings. They include prayer, non-violence, and serving others in love. Dr. King wanted voting rights and measures to reduce poverty and fair pay for workers. And he saw those pragmatic things emerging from Jesus’ view of what life on earth should look like. He saw them as a material manifestation of the spiritual reality of what happens when human beings follow God’s way. 

Social justice movements often endure scorn from some segments of society for pursuing Jesus’ vision of how the world should be. Individuals who make moral choices that go against the cultural norms endure scorn from a different segment of society for their religious postures.

Jesus here says that God is still present, that God’s blessing still flows upon those people who are imprisoned and attacked and maligned:

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. (Matthew 5:10-12)

We look back on Dr. King now with reverence. We created a national holiday in his honor. But he was highly unpopular in his own time and place. He experienced false accusations and cynicism from other Black leaders as he insisted on non-violent protest against the injustices of white supremacy. I’m reading Jonathan Eig’s King: A Life right now and learning about how intense the persecution was, year after year. King lived through one stabbing, received death threats to himself and his family, and ultimately died far too young at the hands of an assassin.

Dr. King had a vision of God’s kingdom. He followed Jesus’ way of non-violence. And he died as a result. He too, according to Jesus’ words, was blessed. Dr. King was able to live under the threat of death because he lived with the assurance of God’s presence. The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. lost his life because he pursued God’s vision of a good life. Jesus calls him blessed.

More with Amy Julia:

Life to the Full | Sermon on the Mount Beatitudes Series

Subscribe  to my newsletter to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , Twitter ,  Pinterest , and  YouTube , and you can subscribe to my  Love Is Stronger Than Fear  podcast on your favorite podcast platform. 

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I Didn’t Mean to Go to Another Concert

After we saw Taylor Swift in concert in May, I vowed I would never go to another stadium concert. When William discovered that Beyoncé would be playing in Nashville on the night we would be in town, my response was, “Absolutely not. Don’t even tell your sisters.”

And then, a few weeks later, I realized that she was playing on the night before one of my best friend’s 50th birthdays. And our other close friend would also be in Nashville with her daughter that night. And our friend with the birthday loves Beyoncé. And stadium concerts. And dressing up. And, as it turns out, rolling glitter on my arms and legs. 

We bought the tickets.

And we went to see Beyoncé. We danced. We dressed up. We wore glitter. We sang Happy Birthday. 

And while I return to my vow of no more stadium concerts, I also am really glad I ignored the vow and went to it anyway. I’m glad not because I think Beyoncé is awesome (I do). I’m glad not because I impressed my kids (kind of, in a 46-year-old Mom kind of way). I’m glad because it is so deeply good to celebrate the people we love.

More with Amy Julia:

Seats That Money Can’t Buy at the Taylor Swift ConcertFun Family Dinner QuestionThere Can Never Be Too Much Delight

Subscribe  to my newsletter to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , Twitter ,  Pinterest , and  YouTube , and you can subscribe to my  Love Is Stronger Than Fear  podcast on your favorite podcast platform. 

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Fun Family Dinner Question

What piece of culture best explains America?

I first came across this question–and 17 answers–in the New York Times, but I also asked our family how they would respond. 

Penny mentioned the show, Hamilton, mostly because it literally depicts the founding of America, but as William pointed out, it also comments on who we are right now as we struggle to become the ideals articulated hundreds of years ago.  

Marilee suggested The Circle, a reality show in which contestants only interact with each other online and vote one another off the show one by one. She said it speaks to the way we are physically more and more disconnected from one another and yet still trying to find community. 

I nominated the Taylor Swift Eras Tour, with its dazzling and puzzling combination of glitzy, over-the-top, excessive and spectacular everything. It speaks to some of the worst of America—the way we idolize everything bright and shiny and new, the way we spend money (SO MUCH MONEY) on satisfying ourselves, and the way we turn away from the slow and quiet and simple for the glamorous. And it speaks to some of the best of America—people coming together to dance and sing and celebrate and honestly, be really kind to one another (we were the direct beneficiaries of such kindness). 

What cultural product would you nominate as a representation of American life right now, and why? 

More with Amy Julia:

Family Dinner QuestionsTwo-Word Family Check-InFamily Screen Time Practices for the Summer

Subscribe  to my newsletter to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , Twitter ,  Pinterest , and  YouTube , and you can subscribe to my  Love Is Stronger Than Fear  podcast on your favorite podcast platform. 

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Camp PALS and Belonging

Penny sent me a text on her first night of Camp PALS: “With my favorite girl at my favorite place.” 

The next day, the text read, “Best year ever.”

Penny has been going to Camp PALS, a camp for teenagers and young adults with Down syndrome, for six years now (minus the summer of 2020). She goes with her friend Rachel, who also has Down syndrome. Each of them is paired with a typically-developing peer. PALS is a fun week. A week to sing karaoke and go to the beach and the amusement park and have a fashion show and be herself. 

I asked Penny to write about her experience with PALS this year, and I loved her answer to the question, “Why would someone else want to come to PALS?” She wrote:

If you’re someone who likes making new friends and wants to give up a week of your summer for camp join in. You can join by becoming a peer who is partnered with a participant with Down Syndrome… If you are a camp lover and wants to hold on to a friendship or make new friends go ahead and sign up. PALS is a place to make new friends but keep the old. Also the PALS community welcomes you with a party. PALS is a place where you can have fun by making new friends and having random dance parties…Everyone enjoys having a fun time and making friendships that will last to the end of the week maybe even longer. When you are close to the end of the week at least I will cry because it means camp will be over before you know it…

Camp PALS Belonging

Embedded in Penny’s answer is not only the fun that they have and the relationships that they form but the sense of belonging for everyone involved. She’s inviting other teenagers with Down syndrome and also peers without Down syndrome because PALS gives us a glimpse of what we wish more of the world could be like, where the lines of able/disabled are blurred, and everyone is invited to have random dance parties and cry when they feel sad and make new friends and be welcomed with a party. 

More with Amy Julia:

Camp PALS | Penny in Her Own WordsPenny Sharing in Church for DSA MonthS6 E3 | Down Syndrome and Belonging with Heather Avis

Subscribe  to my newsletter to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , Twitter ,  Pinterest , and  YouTube , and you can subscribe to my  Love Is Stronger Than Fear  podcast on your favorite podcast platform. 

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God’s Blessing Is a Given | Life to the Full

I’ve been hanging out in Jesus’ words to people of his day that come in Matthew 5. They contain a list of blessings, beginning with blessings to the people we would least expect: the poor in spirit, the meek, those who mourn. Scholar Dallas Willard once called these people the “spiritual zeros,” the ones who have no obvious reason to receive God’s favor. 

But Jesus then turns his attention to a different set of people.

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God” (Matthew 5:6-9).

These are the ones who are zealous for mercy and justice and peace. These are the leaders of nonprofits, the community organizers who campaign in the streets, the underpaid public defense lawyers. Depending upon your political leanings, you might envision them as #BlackLivesMatter protesters or people marching on Washington for the pro-life cause. God’s love and attention and care, Jesus says, is also lavished upon the ones who put themselves out there to advocate for what they believe to be good and right and true. 

God’s Blessing Is a Given

God’s blessing doesn’t come because of the righteous behavior or the zealous hard work. God’s love, God’s blessing, is not conditional. It’s a given. God’s love is a beginning point, not an end point where we arrive after we’ve achieved a moral scorecard with lots of gold stars. When we use our goodness to prove ourselves, we fight against God’s blessing.   

Gregory Boyle is a Jesuit priest who has lived and worked with former gang members in Los Angeles for decades. He writes that these “homies” (as he calls them) don’t need to change, but they do need to heal. They need to return to the deep truth about themselves that has been lost and trampled by their own choices and by the world around them. 

God Longs to Bless Us

Jesus also invites us to return to an understanding of ourselves as God’s beloved children. Whether we are the ones who are poor in spirit or the ones who are trying to prove our spiritual worthiness through peacemaking and justice, we all need to know that God bestows blessing upon us. Regardless of our decisions, regardless of our actions, God longs to bless us. And when we stop trying to prove ourselves, we can finally receive that blessing and believe that we are indeed the children of God.

More with Amy Julia:

Life to the Full Series

Subscribe  to my newsletter to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , Twitter ,  Pinterest , and  YouTube , and you can subscribe to my  Love Is Stronger Than Fear  podcast on your favorite podcast platform. 

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Supreme Court and Affirmative Action

I’m a white woman who went to an Ivy League school. I’m pretty sure my grades and leadership positions in high school meant that I “merited” a spot in that school. I’m also sure it made a difference that I come from a family with the ability to pay fully for my college education. That’s not to mention the fact that my grandfather went to the same Ivy League school fifty years earlier. I’m the product of that other form of affirmative action, the non-technical type that affirms me as a legacy, as a white person, and as a wealthy one, with all the advantages those things confer. 

After the Supreme Court’s Decision on Affirmative Action

Now that the Supreme Court has made its decision, the question comes back to us on a local level.

Are we supporting local measures that give kids from low-income families the education they deserve from an early age? Are we taking steps that move us toward not only diversity but diverse communities? Are we not only welcoming people from outside the insider group but also recognizing that to welcome means to change, not to ask others to assimilate? 

In recent years, my alma mater, Princeton, has increased the number of admitted students who are the first in their family to go to college, and they have increased the number of students eligible for Pell grants. Functionally, what this means is an increase in students who are the first in their family to attend college, an increase in self-identifying people of color, and a decrease in children of Princeton alum as well as full-pay and meritocratically eligible white kids. 

In other words, it is far harder for my kids to get into Princeton than it was for me. I’m good with that. 

I don’t know whether the Supreme Court was right or wrong on the merits of this case. I do know that we all lose when we maintain structures and policies that allow wealthy (which, statistically speaking, disproportionately means white) students to fill up college classrooms. But the Supreme Court’s decision does not need to dictate the diversity within our schools. We all can take small steps to make our society a more just and equitable place where all students have access to education, employment, and belonging.

More with Amy Julia:

In the Wake of the Supreme Court’s Decision, The Lord’s PrayerA Black Woman on the Supreme CourtS6 E22 | Why Stories of Hope Subvert Racism with John BlakeTo Tell the Truth on the 4th of July

Subscribe  to my newsletter to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , Twitter ,  Pinterest , and  YouTube , and you can subscribe to my  Love Is Stronger Than Fear  podcast on your favorite podcast platform. 

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Emotional Lives of Teenagers

If you are a parent or educator of teenagers, The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents needs to be on your summer reading list. (If this post doesn’t convince you, maybe this conversation between Lisa Damour—the author—and Ezra Klein will.)

The book is what the title suggests, so rather than offer a summary I’ll give you a few of my takeaways:

Sleep is the most important thing. Yes, we should care about how and why our kids are using devices. Yes, we should care about the ways they use their bodies and their friendships and all sorts of things. But good mental and emotional health starts with good sleep. Negative emotions are necessary and helpful. Our job as adults is to help teenagers learn how to handle emotions like anger, fear, and sadness in ways that lead to growth. As Damour writes: “Mental health is not about feeling good. It is about having the right feelings at the right time and being able to manage those feelings effectively.” (And she does a great job of helping adults consider when these emotions are tipping towards clinical depression or anxiety that calls for help from professionals.)Gender matters. Damour does a great job of making space for kids who are gender fluid or questioning their gender identity, but she also underscores that in general, boys and girls process the world differently for both physiological and sociological reasons. These distinctions help us give boys permission and space to feel and develop empathy and girls permission and space to express and feel anger. Conflict is to be expected and is, in fact, a sign of growth: “If everybody is doing their job, teenagers will be pushing for more freedom and flexibility than their parents are inclined to allow, and parents will be pulling back on them…” Teenagers need to individuate themselves at the same time that they need us to provide structure and boundaries. 

I will return to this book throughout the teenage years ahead of us. Highly recommend.  

Resources:

Book: The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents The Ezra Klein Show: The Teen Mental Health Crisis, Part 2

More with Amy Julia:

What Would You Say to Your Teenage Self?Learning Science as a Teen in High School With an Intellectual DisabilityAddressing our Mental Health Crisis

Subscribe  to my newsletter to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , Twitter ,  Pinterest , and  YouTube , and you can subscribe to my  Love Is Stronger Than Fear  podcast on your favorite podcast platform. 

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July Introductions

Hi! For those of you who are new around here, I’m Amy Julia. This community grows almost daily, so here’s a short introduction.

My husband, Peter, and I met in high school and stayed together through college in different places and got married three weeks after he graduated, when we were both 22. This means we just celebrated our 24th wedding anniversary, which was kind of a non-event because he was at a conference and we were about to move. We ate tacos together a few days after the fact. Thankfully, we still like each other a lot. AND we are planning on a much more celebratory experience for the 25th!We also really like teenagers. We’ve lived on the campuses of boarding schools for the past 20 years (Lawrenceville and the Frederick Gunn School). We are about to move to Taft, the school where we met (!!!) and where he just began as Head of School. Not only do we get to live near another group of teenagers, we also get to live with our own three kids: Penny, who is 17, William, 14, and Marilee, 12 (going on 21, so she counts as a teenager too). I come from a big family. I’m the oldest of four girls, and William recently told me that I’m the most classic oldest child he knows. I’m not sure how he became the expert here, but I’m finally starting to understand that I don’t need to take care of everyone else all the time (especially when they aren’t looking for my help and especially when I will resent myself for providing said help!). Hopefully, in a few years (or decades) I will be a little less recognizable as the oldest.I’m a writer/speaker/podcaster/teacher who is trying to invite people to explore Jesus’ invitation to a life of love and blessing. Right now that mostly means creating very short posts on Facebook and Instagram. In the past, it has meant writing books, and I hope I’ll be turning my attention in that direction again soon. 

For now, happy summer, and I’d love to hear a little more about you in the comments!

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Blessing | Life to the Full

Jesus made this famous set of odd statements about those who are blessed. He started out with these declarations:

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth” (Matthew 5:3-5).

His words didn’t make sense 2,000 years ago. They don’t make sense now. 

In our context, we might say blessed are those who make lots of money, for everything they want to purchase can be theirs. Blessed are the celebrities (as long as they keep producing hits and looking good), for they will be extolled with fame and attention. Blessed are the ones with political power, for they will coerce the people into doing their will. 

In Jesus’ day, they saw blessing in more religious terms. They thought rich people were blessed by God. They thought healthy people were blessed by God. And they thought religious people were blessed by God. 

But Jesus gives us a very different understanding of what it means to be blessed. Jesus wants us to know that God’s favor does not depend upon anything we do. It doesn’t come because we get the best grades or go out with the right person or get into the right college or come from a famous family. 

Jesus offers a vision of a different type of kingdom. This kingdom has power, but it is the power of love rather than coercion, the power of grace rather than control, the power of blessing rather than payment. It is a kingdom that welcomes rather than excludes, that invites the vulnerable to come to the table first, that promises an inheritance to the destitute and offers comfort to the marginalized.  

When Jesus offers these words of blessing, he is making a statement about spiritual reality. He isn’t saying that the poor, the meek, and the mournful are better people. He isn’t saying that they are exemplary. He is simply stating a fact that might be missed if all we pay attention to is the material world. He is saying that God’s love flows towards the poor, the meek, and the mournful. They are not forgotten or overlooked or condemned. All of us can find ourselves under the blessing of God. 

More with Amy Julia:

Life to the Full Series

Subscribe  to my newsletter to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , Twitter ,  Pinterest , and  YouTube , and you can subscribe to my  Love Is Stronger Than Fear  podcast on your favorite podcast platform. 

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To Tell the Truth on the 4th of July

“He thought enough of this country to tell the truth,” writes Esau McCaulley about Frederick Douglass’ 1852 speech, “What to the Slave is the Fourth of July?“

McCaulley goes on:

“Our country wants a certain version of the American story told and will laud anyone willing to tell it. But uncritical celebration is a limited and false definition of patriotism. Instead, recounting the full story of America and asking it to be better than it is can be an expression of love.”

This week, many of us have enjoyed popsicles and corn on the cob and fireworks and little American flags on sticks at parades. We’ve given thanks for the women and men who have fought to defend our freedoms on battlefields and in courts of law. We’ve celebrated the glories of American democracy. I’m grateful for McCaulley’s reminder that we need to do all this celebration with a willingness to also tell the truth about our complicated, contradictory, and sometimes grievous history, the truth about our complicated, contradictory, sometimes grievous current reality. 

Let’s join Frederick Douglass in thinking enough of this country to tell the truth about the injustices and the freedoms, the pain and the possibility, the grief and the goodness.

More with Amy Julia:

S6 E22 | Why Stories of Hope Subvert Racism with John BlakeS6 E19 | Deconstruction and Rebuilding with Yolanda PierceS6 E18 | Join the Work of Justice with Michelle Ferrigno Warren

Subscribe  to my newsletter to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , Twitter ,  Pinterest , and  YouTube , and you can subscribe to my  Love Is Stronger Than Fear  podcast on your favorite podcast platform. 

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