Amy Julia Becker's Blog, page 28

Black History Month

As we enter Black History Month tomorrow, I want to highlight some of the Black voices who have helped me expand my understanding of Black history and culture.

JEMAR TISBY is the first person who told me to be on the lookout for White Christian Nationalism. His understanding of history and theology gives him incredibly helpful insights into our current moment.

BLACK LITURGIES combines poetry and prayer that invites us to lament and celebrate and everything in between.

THE KING CENTER reminds us of the ongoing legacy of Dr. King’s commitment to non-violence.

DOMINIQUE GILLIARD‘s books have helped me see the injustices of our system of mass incarceration.

ESAU MCCAULLEY shares his experiences as a Black man and his knowledge as a professor of biblical studies.

BE THE BRIDGE continues to work towards bringing divided social groups together.

AND CAMPAIGN does a great job of showing the problems and possibilities on both the conservative and progressive side of the political spectrum.

ARRABON teaches so well how predominantly White churches and organizations can address racism and seek reconciliation.

NATASHA SISTRUNK ROBINSON gives a beautiful vision of what mentoring the next generation can look like.

Whom would you add to this list?

More with Amy Julia:

White Picket Fences: Turning towards love in a world divided by privilegeBlack in America with Esau McCaulleyS6 E22 | Why Stories of Hope Subvert Racism with John Blake

Subscribe  to my newsletter to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , Twitter ,  Pinterest , and  YouTube , and you can subscribe to my  Love Is Stronger Than Fear  podcast on your favorite podcast platform.

The post Black History Month appeared first on Amy Julia Becker.

Disability and Self-Care Skills: Nail Clipping

“I have never known a person with Down syndrome who could cut their own fingernails.”

I heard these words, and my stomach fell a little bit. I had just asked our doctor what we should and could do to help Penny with a few simple self-care skills. She’s been independent in most areas—bathing, dressing, brushing her teeth—for years, but a few other tasks seem out of reach. I was sure that he would have advice for us, not words like “never.”

But then he said, “But what I do know is that Penny could schedule her own appointment to get a regular manicure. She could learn how to pay for those appointments, leave a proper tip, and enjoy the time in the nail salon. She could arrange transportation.”

In other words, with a little imagination, Penny could develop all sorts of independent skills related to cutting her fingernails, even if she can’t fully use nail clippers.

I loved his answer. It landed firmly in the reality of having a disability that results in low muscle tone and decreased fine motor skills. And it landed in the reality of being a young woman with capabilities.

I love that “never” in one area became a whole set of possibilities in other areas.

More with Amy Julia:

I’m Working on a Video Teaching Series About Disability and FamilyPlaydates and DisabilityTurning 18 and Guardianship Decisions

Subscribe  to my newsletter to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , Twitter ,  Pinterest , and  YouTube , and you can subscribe to my  Love Is Stronger Than Fear  podcast on your favorite podcast platform.

The post Disability and Self-Care Skills: Nail Clipping appeared first on Amy Julia Becker.

I’m Working on a Video Teaching Series About Disability and Family

Sometimes the future comes at us like an assault. A tornado of unanswerable questions that suggest chaos is about to ensue. That’s what it felt like when Penny was diagnosed with Down syndrome. And, to a lesser degree, that’s what it has felt like when we face all the questions about her life as an adult. Will she live with us? Will she go to college? Will she be able to find a job?

Throughout this season of wondering about the future, I’ve returned to those early years. I learned so much back then about how to envision a future filled with possibilities without fantasizing about a life that wouldn’t be. I learned about trusting in love instead of fear. I learned about the power of hope. 

Nearly two decades ago, we decided to believe what other parents and activists in the disability space told us, that there was a good future ahead for our daughter and our family. We learned, step by step, how to live into that future. We are making the same choice now. 

I want to share what we’ve learned so that other families can imagine and live into a good future for their families as well. 

In March, I’m planning to film a four-part video teaching series called “Reimagining Family Life with Disability.” Right now, I’m sketching out the details of each video. I know what I want to cover—

the myths and models of disabilitychanging the mindset around disabilitybuilding communities of supportenvisioning and moving towards a good future as a family

Is there anything you’d like me to cover as I prepare to share what we’ve learned?

More with Amy Julia:

Turning 18 and Guardianship DecisionsIdolatry of IntellectBureaucracy and Disability

Subscribe  to my newsletter to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , Twitter ,  Pinterest , and  YouTube , and you can subscribe to my  Love Is Stronger Than Fear  podcast on your favorite podcast platform. 

The post I’m Working on a Video Teaching Series About Disability and Family appeared first on Amy Julia Becker.

I’m Working on a Video Teaching Series

Sometimes the future comes at us like an assault. A tornado of unanswerable questions that suggest chaos is about to ensue. That’s what it felt like when Penny was diagnosed with Down syndrome. And, to a lesser degree, that’s what it has felt like when we face all the questions about her life as an adult. Will she live with us? Will she go to college? Will she be able to find a job?

Throughout this season of wondering about the future, I’ve returned to those early years. I learned so much back then about how to envision a future filled with possibilities without fantasizing about a life that wouldn’t be. I learned about trusting in love instead of fear. I learned about the power of hope. 

Nearly two decades ago, we decided to believe what other parents and activists in the disability space told us, that there was a good future ahead for our daughter and our family. We learned, step by step, how to live into that future. We are making the same choice now. 

I want to share what we’ve learned so that other families can imagine and live into a good future for their families as well. 

In March, I’m planning to film a four-part video teaching series called “Reimagining Family Life with Disability.” Right now, I’m sketching out the details of each video. I know what I want to cover—

the myths and models of disabilitychanging the mindset around disabilitybuilding communities of supportenvisioning and moving towards a good future as a family

Is there anything you’d like me to cover as I prepare to share what we’ve learned?

More with Amy Julia:

Turning 18 and Guardianship DecisionsIdolatry of IntellectBureaucracy and Disability

Subscribe  to my newsletter to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , Twitter ,  Pinterest , and  YouTube , and you can subscribe to my  Love Is Stronger Than Fear  podcast on your favorite podcast platform. 

The post I’m Working on a Video Teaching Series appeared first on Amy Julia Becker.

The Holdovers Is All About Grace

Okay, The Holdovers was just nominated for Best Picture by the Oscars. I want to submit that it is a deeply Christian film about disruptive grace that I think is meant to point directly back toward Jesus.

If you haven’t seen it, it’s a film set in the 1970s at a Massachusetts boarding school. It takes place during the Christmas break, where one student is a “holdover” who doesn’t leave school because his negligent mother leaves him there with a curmudgeonly teacher and the school cook. On the surface, there is very little that suggests this film has anything to do with Christianity. Various characters lie and get drunk and no one seems particularly devout. But there are also clues that the writers want to push viewers to consider whether the holiday that creates the backdrop for the whole film is a celebration of something real and good and true and even life changing.

Here are some clues:

One, it’s set at Christmas time, and so we hear them singing all sorts of Christian Christmas hymns. This isn’t Holly Jolly Christmas. It’s O Little Town of Bethlehem, where “the hopes and fears of all the years are met in thee tonight” and Silent Night and God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, where the lyrics tell us Christ “saved us all from Satan’s power when we had gone astray.”

Two, the cook is named Mary. Mary is a mother who has just lost her only son to an unjust war.

Three, Mr. Hunham, the curmudgeonly teacher, is an atheist who extols the philosophies of Marcus Aurelius. But his way of life, even though he says it is wise, is actually quite foolish. It does not hold up, for him or for his students.

And, finally, there’s the snow globe. The snow globe is really an important part of the film. It involves Santa Claus and the baby Jesus. I won’t say more, but if you’ve seen this, I want to know—what do you think?

Is The Holdovers a Christian movie about the power of disruptive grace entering in to save us?

More with Amy Julia

AJB RecommendsDisability in “All the Light We Cannot See” MovieMy Favorite Movies and Shows in 2023

Subscribe  to my newsletter to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , Twitter ,  Pinterest , and  YouTube , and you can subscribe to my  Love Is Stronger Than Fear  podcast on your favorite podcast platform. 

The post The Holdovers Is All About Grace appeared first on Amy Julia Becker.

It’s Always Too Much | Four Thousand Weeks

So I’m in a really overwhelming time right now. We are in the midst of a long and drawn-out move. I’m staying in a rental house with Penny and Marilee in one town while Peter has started a big new job in another town. They are close enough together for us to visit each other a lot, but not close enough to live in the same house right now. Once Penny finishes her senior year, we will all be under one roof again.

Between the move and the two houses and the new job for Peter and Penny turning 18 and graduating and having four schools between the five of us. It’s a lot. Too much, in fact.

I’ve been reading Oliver Burkeman’s Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, and one of the points he underscores again and again is that yes, it is always too much. He explains that philosophers looking at humans and our relationship to time agree:

“…the core challenge of managing our limited time isn’t about how to get everything done–that’s never going to happen–but how to decide most wisely what not to do, and how to feel at peace about not doing it.”

I can’t say I’ve mastered some sort of system of making decisions about what not to do. Or that I’ve found peace. But I have been grateful for Sundays this month, where we’ve taken walks outside and cooked together, and I’ve curled up in the corner to read books (even if those are time management books!). 

Life with three teenagers might just always be too much. Life might always be too much. Maybe that’s part of the point. That I can’t do it all. That I have to ask for help. That I need to admit my limits and needs. And that sometimes those limits themselves can even bring me back to love.

More with Amy Julia:

Season of Waiting and ImpossibilityHow to Reflect on a Just-Get-Through-It YearTurning 18 and Guardianship Decisions

Subscribe  to my newsletter to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , Twitter ,  Pinterest , and  YouTube , and you can subscribe to my  Love Is Stronger Than Fear  podcast on your favorite podcast platform. 

The post It’s Always Too Much | Four Thousand Weeks appeared first on Amy Julia Becker.

It’s Always Too Much

So I’m in a really overwhelming time right now. We are in the midst of a long and drawn-out move. I’m staying in a rental house with Penny and Marilee in one town while Peter has started a big new job in another town. They are close enough together for us to visit each other a lot, but not close enough to live in the same house right now. Once Penny finishes her senior year, we will all be under one roof again.

Between the move and the two houses and the new job for Peter and Penny turning 18 and graduating and having four schools between the five of us. It’s a lot. Too much, in fact.

I’ve been reading Oliver Burkeman’s Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, and one of the points he underscores again and again is that yes, it is always too much. He explains that philosophers looking at humans and our relationship to time agree:

“…the core challenge of managing our limited time isn’t about how to get everything done–that’s never going to happen–but how to decide most wisely what not to do, and how to feel at peace about not doing it.”

I can’t say I’ve mastered some sort of system of making decisions about what not to do. Or that I’ve found peace. But I have been grateful for Sundays this month, where we’ve taken walks outside and cooked together, and I’ve curled up in the corner to read books (even if those are time management books!). 

Life with three teenagers might just always be too much. Life might always be too much. Maybe that’s part of the point. That I can’t do it all. That I have to ask for help. That I need to admit my limits and needs. And that sometimes those limits themselves can even bring me back to love.

More with Amy Julia:

Season of Waiting and ImpossibilityHow to Reflect on a Just-Get-Through-It YearTurning 18 and Guardianship Decisions

Subscribe  to my newsletter to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , Twitter ,  Pinterest , and  YouTube , and you can subscribe to my  Love Is Stronger Than Fear  podcast on your favorite podcast platform. 

The post It’s Always Too Much appeared first on Amy Julia Becker.

Playdates and Disability

When I had a chance to talk with NBC News about parenting kids with disabilities, I was asked about playdates. Here, in a nutshell, is what I wish parents of typically-developing kids knew about kids with disabilities: Disability is not as different as you might imagine.If I had to sum it up in a really short way, I would tell other parents: Disability is like a magnifying glass of the human experience, rather than a whole different category of human experience. So things that are stressful for your kids are probably stressful for my kid too—it might just all be magnified. For instance, a new experience might be overwhelming because it is loud or there are bright lights or there are little things to touch. All of that can be magnified and become overwhelming. Many of these things aren’t different from one child to the next; but for a child with a disability, they just might be bigger.

So if you are a parent who wants to help your child invite a friend with a disability over to play, just remember that their friendship, and their shared humanity, can help you understand both of them and help them understand each other.

Watch Segment 1 Watch Segment 2 More with Amy Julia:NBC News Now | Teaching Kids About Disability and FriendshipMy Stressful, Fun Day at NBCTurning 18 and Guardianship Decisions

Subscribe  to my newsletter to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , Twitter ,  Pinterest , and  YouTube , and you can subscribe to my  Love Is Stronger Than Fear  podcast on your favorite podcast platform. 

The post Playdates and Disability appeared first on Amy Julia Becker.

Turning 18 and Guardianship Decisions

It’s a big deal to turn 18. For every teenager, that birthday marks a transition to adulthood. For kids with disabilities, it carries even more weight, especially as it connects to independence and guardianship.

Penny has Down syndrome, and because of the intellectual disability that comes with her condition, the state more or less assumes that we will become her legal guardians when she turns 18. The problem with legal guardianship is that it takes away her rights to make her own decisions about all sorts of things that she’s very capable of deciding.

To petition for guardianship, Peter and I would have needed to go to court, with Penny, and declare her incompetent.

Instead, we worked with a lawyer to come up with a different, albeit imperfect, solution that both honors Penny’s adulthood and seeks to protect her from harm. Rather than taking decision-making control from her, she gave us a legal way to help her with decisions when it comes to medical, educational, and financial issues.

It is not fail-safe. I am still researching the implications.

For now, we want to accompany our young adult daughter as she navigates her own path of independence with support. She signed the papers to agree to walk forward together. We are excited, and a little apprehensive, about all that is to come.

Penny and Peter looking over legal paperwork

More with Amy Julia:

Idolatry of IntellectDisability in “All the Light We Cannot See” MovieBureaucracy and Disability

Subscribe  to my newsletter to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , Twitter ,  Pinterest , and  YouTube , and you can subscribe to my  Love Is Stronger Than Fear  podcast on your favorite podcast platform. 

The post Turning 18 and Guardianship Decisions appeared first on Amy Julia Becker.

Idolatry of Intellect

I didn’t realize I’d gone into the hospital with a set of expectations, but I had. I very much had a set of expectations about who our child would be when she was born.

I went to Princeton University, and I was a student at Princeton Seminary at the time that Penny was born 18 years ago. I’ve always been really academic and really loved books and reading. One of the things I didn’t realize until Penny was born and was diagnosed with an intellectual disability was how much I had allowed my love for books and reading and school to become more of an idolatry of books and reading in school. I valued people based on their intelligence.

I had set up a hierarchy of people. I didn’t mean to do that. I didn’t want to do that consciously, but that’s what I had done—an idolatry of intellect. That hierarchy not only was an injustice to people like my daughter, but it narrowed my entire world. I was cutting myself off from fullness and goodness and beauty and joy. There’s a whole world out there of people who actually aren’t just like me. And that world is even richer and fuller than my narrow world of people from my same sociological group.

When I saw the expectations for what they were, I first had to go through a process of grieving the child I thought I was receiving. But that grief turned to joy as I began to recognize the gift we were given in our daughter.

More with Amy Julia:

Disability in “All the Light We Cannot See” MovieBureaucracy and DisabilityWhen Love Shows Up

Subscribe  to my newsletter to receive regular updates and news. You can also follow me on  Facebook ,  Instagram , Twitter ,  Pinterest , and  YouTube , and you can subscribe to my  Love Is Stronger Than Fear  podcast on your favorite podcast platform. 

The post Idolatry of Intellect appeared first on Amy Julia Becker.