Ari Bach's Blog, page 19

Coming up on the 10 year anniversary of the third book and @incorrectvalhallaquotes is still going…

incorrectvalhallaquotes:

Brendon: Hello, ladies.
Wyvern: Hey.
Hati: Cancel you plans for the week. I have something you will enjoy.
Brendon: Oooh, is it a funeral?
Wyvern: That’s your guess?
Hati: It is a funeral.
Wyvern: That is the answer?!

Coming up on the 10 year anniversary of the third book and @incorrectvalhallaquotes is still going strong. My highest respect and admiration for commitment, and my gratitude for keeping the world alive!

Well God forbid a natural satellite do anything…

Well God forbid a natural satellite do anything…

Why Amazon Sucks Reason #928374982

sharkchunks:

sharkchunks:

Almost a year ago, I ordered a copy of Rube Goldberg: Inventions from Amazon. My mistake for supporting them in anything but an emergency. I got the book on the right:

The book on the left however is the one I ordered. To be clear, this was not from “a seller on amazon,” this was from AMAZON itself.

Note that it shows and claims to be the authentic book on the left above. But it was not, it was a shit-tier print-on-demand bootleg, made by Amazon itself and not Simon and Schuster as the page claimed:

They did this to others as well. Though they refused to post my review, this one got through-

Here is the print on demand page in the back of my Amazon book-

Here is how bad the reproductions are-

Best seen on the spine where Simon and Schuster’s logo is literally a blurry mess-

I tried to report this to the publisher but the only thing I could find was an email address on their site that nobody replied to.

If anyone out there knows anyone in copyright law or the publisher, please let them know about this. Amazon is literally turning the publisher trademark into unreadable crap.

Reblogging with this explanation made prominent-

Reblogging here in the hopes writing blogs will take this up as well.

sharkchunks:

Why Amazon Sucks Reason #928374982

Almost a year ago, I ordered a copy of Rube Goldberg: Inventions from Amazon. My mistake for supporting them in anything but an emergency. I got the book on the right:

The book on the left however is the one I ordered. To be clear, this was not from “a seller on amazon,” this was from AMAZON itself.

Note that it shows and claims to be the authentic book on the left above. But it was not, it was a shit-tier print-on-demand bootleg, made by Amazon itself and not Simon and Schuster as the page claimed:

They did this to others as well. Though they refused to post my review, this one got through-

Here is the print on demand page in the back of my Amazon book-

Here is how bad the reproductions are-

Best seen on the spine where Simon and Schuster’s logo is literally a blurry mess-

I tried to report this to the publisher but the only thing I could find was an email address on their site that nobody replied to.

If anyone out there knows anyone in copyright law or the publisher, please let them know about this. Amazon is literally turning the publisher trademark into unreadable crap.

Reblogging here in the hopes writing blogs will take this up as well.

Encyclopedia Bullshitica is more than just the new paperback book compilation of over 800 facts I…

facts-i-just-made-up:

Encyclopedia Bullshitica is more than just the new paperback book compilation of over 800 facts I just made up, it can also:Be A Doorstop!Preserve The Shape Of Your Oven Mitt!Work As A Hair-Tie!Clean Dishes Like A Sponge!Smash Bugs And Other Pests!Hide The Missing Evidence In Your Embezzlement Trial!

And More!!!*

Please check it out at the publishing site! (LINK)

*It doesn’t do any of these things please don’t sue me.

Updated Master Post Of Stuff I Did:

facts-i-just-made-up:

Not a joke, not unreality- Here are the available books, movies, tarot decks and such I have out in the world for anyone to enjoy:

The Valhalla Trilogy

Three sci-fi novels featuring action, comedy, explosions, and a giant adorable walrus named Umberto.

Oddities

An art book of my drawings, many of which can be seen on my instagram if you want to see my style.

The Snail Factory

A webcomic of 146 episodes, published by Twisted Jenius and also available in book form.

Encyclopedia Bullshitica

The first compilation of Facts-I-Just-Made-Up, consisting of about 880 entries based on posts from this very blog.

Jealous Gods

A movie I wrote and directed around 2016, satire of superhero movies in which some college kids get superpowers and screw up everything.

The Surrealist Tarot

A Tarot Deck I made around 2010, physical copies are super-rare but you can see it and even get readings online at the publisher’s site.

I also once made a really tall house of cards but it fell over, so there’s nothing to link here for it.

So I just finished “Valhalla” by Ari Bach, a book that’s been on my to-be-read pile for a long time, at your recommendation in an older video you posted! And wow, yes, please give me a Tikari!!! My spouse and I have already come up with bugs, weapons, and

Hell yeah!! I'm so glad you liked them, they're a blast!

I hope you don't mind me answering this publicly, because I want to loop in @facts-i-just-made-up aka @sharkchunks who wrote the books! :D

Ari here, thanks @trigonalcountdown for reading it and thanks @crow-caller for posting! I hope you enjoy the sequels, they get a lot darker but I think they're more unique and interesting as they go.

I always pronounced Vibeke like Rebecca but with a V, though I think the proper Norwegian way is like Vee-becca. I'm not sure how close all the ones I thought when writing are to the right way. Maybe things shift over the next 200 years though...

I have a new book out!

facts-i-just-made-up:

facts-i-just-made-up:

Encyclopedia Bullshitica Is Published!!! Encyclopedia Bullshitica is a compilation of facts I just made up, from the blog facts-i-just-made-up. The facts in it are all made up, by me, I.

The first volume of Encyclopedia Bullshitica is officially published! Containing about 880 entries, some of them single facts, others compilations of many posts here or entire essays, the book is 300 pages of the most misleading, useless, and just plain made-up shit.

Encyclopedia Bullshitica is now available from Lulu.com, and will appear on Amazon and Barnes and Noble some time in January, hopefully. I don’t really care about them because they will only give me 18 cents per copy. But Lulu has it now! Please check their shipping times if you intend to order for any holidays, and bear in mind the system may be slower than expected this time of year.

Thank you for 12 years of reading my utter nonsense, and many more yet to come on actual paper, like in the roll beside your toilet!

A few pics of the object. You can now own the object. Enjoy reading… the object.

I have a new book out!

What is the greatest of all speculative fiction novels?

What makes a novel great is very subjective. Dune and 1984 are among the most famous, Frankenstein is often credited with inventing the genre, and Valhalla is the top favorite novel of nearly four people. It's also half off from the publisher right now.

But most people familiar with "Far Beyond the Machine" by Rudy T.F. Cloutier agree that if nothing else, it is the novel that best predicted the future. Written in 1972, it depicts the then-distant future of 2022 where the world population is passing 8 billion people and a virus called "The Omicron" is wreaking havoc across the globe. Meanwhile, the USSR has broken up and Russia has declared war on Ukraine.

The plot is a fairly typical spy story in which the heroic Agent 909 has been tasked with recovering a hard drive with critical information about the Russian plans. Surprisingly for a 1972 novel written when a 1MB hard drive weighed several pounds, the drive in the novel is stated to hold 16GB but is only the size of a thumbnail.

Most surprisingly, the novel features the use of "Motorolas," in reference to the then upcoming, just-announced 1973 release of the first public mobile phone. In the world of Cloutier's 2022, these are described not as giant cordless beasts like the real thing, but as tiny handheld computers that can look up any information in the encyclopedia, give directions to a safe-house, take and send photos, and even in once scene, access a computer-dating service.

Though the book is celebrated for its exceedingly prophetic vision of 2022, its sequel was not at all well received, with critics claiming its vision of 2026 as a post-apocalyptic wasteland where rich fascists have seized America and condemned its citizens to slavery and death for their own financial gain was too depressing, and the new main character Agent 020 was derided as a "Mary Sue."

Rudy Tudy Frudy Cloutier is of course the Great-times-8 grandfather of Chuck.

Thanks @pyromanicfeline !

twocubes:

“Ok, ma'am that’ll be 226.03$.”

I take my wallet out of my pocket and unfold it. It is empty other than a single moth that lazily flies out. The moth lands on the tap point of the card reader. There’s a beat, and my payment is processed. The moth flies back into my wallet and I put it back in my pocket.

Thanks @pyromanicfeline !

Canonical btw