Stephen R. Graves's Blog, page 4

What Makes a Great Partnership?

Partnerships. Some folks love them. Others hate them. I like them and think they can be one of the smartest structures for any leader with an eye on the end game and a holistic model of life and work.

I have had dozens of partnerships through the years. Most of them have been good, but some obviously better than others. The ones I have benefited from the most are those that operate at the highest level of trust, function with the clearest swim lanes, and embrace the greatest number of agendas. My first formal partnership, some 30 years ago, set the bar very high. We established our partnership as “a spiritual and commercial covenant relationship.” That phrase carries some huge assertions. Blending money and faith can be tricky. It is much easier to keep them separated, which is what most partnerships do. Embracing the concept of covenant relationship meant we would not be using litigation and childish bullying to settle disputes. It was grounded on some serious piers that were dug deep and tested often.

And over the years, I have also advised hundreds of partners. Here are a few observations and tips from being a partner, having partners, and guiding partnerships for a few decades.

Observation #1: A good partnership starts with a philosophical conviction.

A good partnership begins with two people wanting to share the same weight and the same outcome. To share successes and failures. To share ideas and vision and innovation. There is also a shared philosophical conviction.

A smart structure for a partnership is found in the imagery from the writer of Ecclesiastes:

“Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.”

Those words come from the Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes (4:9-12), appearing as a kind of parenthetical section in the larger context of a passage about work. It’s as if the writer, Solomon, was rolling along through a logical progression of thoughts, teaching some young leaders, and then he imagines a productive but lonely worker.

So Solomon says, “Look, I need a timeout here. This is too important to pass up. Working by yourself is lonely business.” And through his writings, we can glean these four benefits of partnerships:

Partnership leads to greater efficiency and productivity. Good partnerships are marked by a sum that is greater than the sum of their partners. Where would Orville Wright, the visionary, be without his brother Wilbur, the tinkerer? Or vice versa? Perhaps they’d be in a heated legal battle for the bicycle market in Dayton, Ohio, but they wouldn’t have reached the skies.Partnering allows you to share risk and reward. Bumpy roads will come—economic downturns to disastrous meetings to moral collapses. A partner can, with feet firmly planted, help you get back up. And when success comes, it’s that much sweeter to share it with someone.Partnership creates innovation, breakthrough, and discovery. One person never comes up with all the good ideas. As Ken Blanchard famously says, “None of us is as smart as all of us.”Partnership provides safety, defense, and strength. Like Marines jumping out of a helicopter two-by-two to have a 360-degree view of their surroundings, partners protect each other’s time and energy, and they protect each other from making bad decisions legally, organizationally, or financially. When I have a good partner, I am confident that someone always has my back.Observation #2: A good partnership can fit into any number of valid containers (structures).

You don’t have to share 50/50 in the business, be co-CEO’s, or be the traditional hand-in- glove fit (one extrovert and one introvert) to have a great partnership. You don’t have to be best friends, complete family matchups, and take annual family vacations together. You don’t have to be both spiritual and commercial or more handshake than paperwork. What I am saying is you have some latitude with your specific container or structural framework.

In its most elementary form partnering is one model of community that everyone can participate in, no matter where we work. We don’t have to quit our jobs and be entrepreneurial. A partner might be a certain vendor with whom your department already has a strong relationship or a co-worker whose personality and goals are in line with yours. Yes, this is a long way from two college roommates starting their dream business together to reverse hunger in the villages of Africa. But it can accomplish, even in a small way, some of the elements of partnering.

Observation #3. It is OK, even necessary, to document the partnership intent and reach.

This can be tricky. Some people think a handshake is good enough, while others think there must be a legal document for every deal, agreement, and conversation. In my partnerships, I have had both scenarios. More times than not, it is good to paper the general expectations and agreements of the partnership over time.

But to be clear: If legal documents are the strongest glue of your partnership, then you are always downgraded to a low-functioning partnership potential.

Observation #4. Partnerships unravel because there is a gap in the way each partner expresses their values over time.

Partnerships usually unravel below the surface and rarely the first week of the journey.

A successful partnership involves time, risk, and vulnerability, and to find someone with the right personality, synergy, chemistry, and skill that you can work with is not an easy task. It won’t happen automatically with everyone in your business world. Here are some hints on finding the right person.

High-level business partnerships carry a certain complexity that has to be navigated. For example, scheduling with two or more calendars, dividing responsibilities, and establishing decision-making protocols are usually among the bigger challenges to work through. Yet the greatest illusion of a solo life is simplicity. Committing to partnership, however, means accepting the oncoming challenges and working through them.

Observation #5. Partnerships go through seasons and must be free to evolve.

To me, a spiritual and/or commercial partnership is not a marriage. Yes, there are similar traits but we are not talking the same kind of institutional veracity and historical expectation. Partnerships require work, investment, constant updates, and resets.

I heard a man say that in the formation of any organization are the early seeds of its disintegration. I don’t know if that is true but I do think that partnerships evolve over time. One partner empty nests ahead of the other, triggering a change in lifestyle and desires. One partner goes through a family crisis and needs to realign the load and demands of the job. One partner grows toward a mindset that the other partner doesn’t embrace (faster growth, more risk, greater liquidity, succession disagreements, etc.).

Partnering doesn’t automatically mean you will never fall down or that you will never get cold. Partnership doesn’t let you circumvent the difficulties of your work, but it gives you another person to face them with.

In short, partnership is an intentional way of doing life and work that involves serious investment but rich reward. As former Yale professor H.E. Luccock said, “No one can whistle a symphony. It takes an orchestra.” Or take it from the old Ethiopian proverb: “When spider webs unite, they can tie up a lion.”

Solomon is said to have written Ecclesiastes near the end of his life, in the twilight of a reign marked by spectacular material and political success but moral and spiritual failure. With all his accomplishment and achievement, Solomon appeared to be a lonely man wishing he had a partner to share the load and laughter with. Unfortunately, he waited too late.

The Know-It-All Who Knows Nothing

You think you know it all, don’t you?

You probably wouldn’t say it that way (and neither would I), but we all generally trust our own perceptions. Even as you approach an article like this one, you measure what I say against what you believe, your experiences, and the things you value. That’s not always wrong, but it’s definitely not always right. And too often, it’s a form of cognitive bias—we all have some faulty hardwiring in our brains.

But you already knew that, right?

The Bible talks a lot about the idea of overly trusting yourself. One of my favorite books in the Bible, Proverbs, is all about wisdom and folly; toward the end, it drops this bombshell, “Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him” (Proverbs 26:12).

In short: Overly trusting yourself is dangerous. Naturally, a dosage of self-confidence is crucial to living a healthy life—but not overconfidence.

The Bible discusses two different ways in which people become blinded by their overconfidence in themselves.

Hypocrisy

Hypokrites, the Greek word for hypocrite, appears in the New Testament and actually originates from the ancient Greek stage. Hypokrites refers to an actor who wears a mask on stage, literally, “an interpreter from underneath.” In other words, a hypocrite is two-faced, presenting one face outwardly while the true actor hides beneath.

In the Sermon on the Mount, one of the things Jesus zeros in on is hypocrisy. He warns, “Watch out for those who give money in order to gain attention from others. Or those who pray or fast for the same reason.”

These hypocrites pretend for public acclaim. It may fool people for a time, but it never fools God, who can always see behind the mask.

What about you? Where in your life are you acting? We all have gaps between who we are and who we aspire to be, but there are surely areas where we choose to wear a mask. Those decisions are dangerous. 

Self-Deception

In his 1850 novel The Scarlet Letter, Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote, “No man for any considerable period can wear one face to himself, and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true.” 

In the New Testament’s Book of James, the author describes a person who looks in the mirror and genuinely does not see the person in front of them; they see someone who is patient, self-controlled, and reasonable. The problem is that they alone see themselves as that person; everyone else sees through the veil.

Self-deception is much harder to outgrow because you are convinced of a lie.

Conclusion: Is there help for the hypocrite and self-deceived?

We all have blind spots. If you could see them, they wouldn’t be blind spots. Some of these blind spots are dangerous, while others are not. You have things—habits, biases, patterns of thinking and acting—that you can feel good about and that may be very healthy.

The good news is that you can train yourself to turn your head toward your blind spot. Harvard Business Review suggests some ways to do this in their short 2013 article, “Three Tips for Overcoming Your Blind Spots”, but I’ll add my own.

I know myself to some degree, and I’ve worked with leaders for three decades, so I’ve seen some overly strong self-belief over the years. The following are some ways I’ve learned to deal with it.

Give a few trusted people permission to speak on your life: perhaps a spouse, a boss, a friend, a pastor. What disconnect do they see between who you are and who you say you are? Understand that you might have to specifically solicit their opinion and not just give them the freedom to share whenever they want to. Most people just don’t like playing that role.Listen to and read from perspectives you wouldn’t normally encounter. Train yourself to listen first and critique later. My friend, Max Anderson, offers a great newsletter that includes five articles on a single topic each week (check it out.) He always ends his newsletter with the phrase, “Read widely. Read wisely.” Love that phrase.Carve out some time for regular reflection and ask yourself the hard questions. Where have you faked it over the past week/month/year? Where have you been overly defensive? In what areas might you have blind spots? How long has it been since you last received hard feedback?

It takes work to doubt yourself and to remove the mask, but it’s worth it. Don’t just consider yourself to be wise. Be wise.

Takers, Traders, and Givers: Which Are You?

In recent years, I’ve asked several very successful friends this question: “How important are relationships to the flourishing of your personal life and the success of your business?” They always respond with one word: vital. Not surprisingly, then, the folks I know who are the most successful in life are also very rich in relationships. These people invest not only their time, but they invest their energy into the projects of other people. They invest their resources in order to help others succeed, and they put their money where their relationships are by investing hard-earned dollars into others. Is this true of you and your relationships?

Where do you invest your energy?

Where do you invest your experience and skills?

Where do you invest your money?

The answers to these questions help me determine how deeply I’m investing in my relationships. In short, they reveal my relational model or heart. Do I have the heart of a Taker, a Trader, or a Giver?

Takers

We all know what a relational Taker is. No one wants to be one, and no one wants to work with one. Takers aren’t flourishers. Instead, a Taker is always keeping accounts. He is always asking, “What do people owe me?” or “How can I get a leg up?”

It’s insulting to be around relational Takers knowing they don’t really care for you and will leave once they get what they want. It still happens all the time, though, especially in the world of “networking,” which is a full-time sport these days. (There’s definitely a way to do networking well, but Takers don’t do it well. This article does a good job of describing the difference.)

Traders

A Trader, on the other hand, is a person who is always trading one thing for another—always bartering, always giving, but also always taking. A Trader is sly and sneaky; they do things in business and in relationships for the sake of the transactions in order to make a trade. They appear to be interested or giving, but they are really setting up the exchange for something they want or need.

If it’s insulting to be around a Taker, it is exhausting to be with relational Traders—someone who lives with a running ledger that defines and throttles the level of depth and authenticity of your relationship. My mom taught me not to keep score with people, and it’s one of those pieces of Mom wisdom that’s stuck with me.

Givers

Givers, however, always trump Takers and Traders in the flourishing hierarchy. They give freely, and they give often. They give their time, their talents, and their resources, and when they do this, their flourishing bank account gets big. In contrast, our flourishing bank account suffers when we’re focused on calling accounts due and bent on trading this for that. Trading turns a relationship dirty. If I’m doing this for you so that you can do that for me, then the waters of our relationship are muddied.

When you find a Giver, you find someone who wants to pour into the agendas and passions of others. You find someone who has energy for other people, not just when or if it benefits them, but because they care about the person and desire to help them.

It’s the great irony: Givers are the ones who get taken from and yet they end up with the most.

Conclusion

I know philanthropy numbers are high, but I think our culture’s composite generosity score is low. Are we giving in ways that can’t be reported on a tax receipt? What if our giving—what if our pouring into others—wasn’t just a duty but a way of life? What if sacrifice was the language we spoke to everyone, and they not only heard it, but also knew and felt it? The world would change overnight!

David Brooks wrote a great fictional essay called The Social Animal in which Harold, a man who has felt like the center of the universe (because we all do to some degree) hears a neuroscientist explain:

I’ve come to think that flourishing consists of putting yourself in situations in which you lose self-consciousness and become fused with other people, experiences, or tasks … It happens most when we connect with other people. I’ve come to think that happiness isn’t really produced by conscious accomplishments. Happiness is a measure of how thickly the unconscious parts of our minds are intertwined with other people and with activities. Happiness is determined by how much information and affection flows through us covertly every day and year.

It’ll take some time, but you can read the whole story here if you want.

To mention another story, the Good Samaritan wasn’t a full-time caregiver to people. He wasn’t a Red Cross volunteer or an employee of a new nonprofit to the homeless and broken. He had something to do; he had an agenda. He was on his way somewhere for some reason, but when he came upon a need, he gave of his time and his energy and his money. He interrupted his routine, took a risk, gave deeply, and helped someone else. He gave.

The Power and Necessity of “Re-recruiting” Your People

At some point during the last year, I had a meeting with an executive who was lamenting the loss of multiple key employees in one quarter. It was just one of those seasons where you get hit with several things at once. I don’t always want to read too much into one of those seasons, but I asked him what he’d learned through the process, and his answer was simple.

“I’ve got to spend more time with my team.”

His light-bulb moment was that if he had invested more time in key leaders, perhaps they would not have left. As the 1970 song said, “You don’t know what you got till it’s gone.”

I call it re-recruiting, and it is a real thing with real costs. In 2019, Gallup reported that employee turnover cost U.S. businesses $1 trillion annually. The annual turnover rate was 26.3%, and the cost of replacing an employee ranged from one-third of an annual salary to two times the annual salary.

It’s fascinating to me because we all know that hiring the right people matters immensely. We spend a ton of money and energy looking for the right person. We pay lots of money to identify and attract top candidates. There are entire industries built around talent recruitment. I’ve written about hiring in lots of places (here is one example), and a week doesn’t go by that I am not looking for talent and new hires in some orbit in my world, whether my companies or my clients or my friends.

But then, once a new employee arrives, it’s as if we assume the job is done. We find someone great and persuade them to join us, and then we just walk off and assume they will stick and be productive and valuable and engaged and with us through every turn in the company and the market forever.

And these stats are from just before Covid—that is, before a global pandemic shocked the economy and sent literally millions of employees into reconsidering their careers, companies, and work-life balance.

So let me talk about re-recruiting for a minute and do it through some basic questions: Why? Who? When? How?

Why must we re-recruit?

The tendency of many CEOs and leaders—especially for Boomers and many Gen X-ers—is to bemoan the need to re-recruit. “Isn’t a job done well its own reward? Plus, I’m paying you. I shouldn’t have to baby you to stay.” That’s the mindset. But that mindset doesn’t work.

After all, with such a high premium on talent recruitment (remember that entire industry built around recruiting talent?), there’s always someone out there trying to recruit away from you.

We assume that culture and vision are internal talent recruiters. In other words, “If we’ve got a good team and we’re doing good work,” the thought goes, “then you’ll want to stay.” (This is especially true in nonprofits where there’s often an underlying question when people consider leaving: “Why would you abandon the cause? Don’t you care anymore?” or “Don’t you remember this is God’s work?”)

We have to re-recruit because there are countless competitors trying to hire your people, and enthusiasm for your company often fades into “The grass is greener on the other side.” It’s human nature, especially when there’s extra money or more flexible work hours or more invigorating projects on the other side.

Who do we re-recruit?

Angela Ahrendts, an Apple VP, put it this way, “Everyone talks about building a relationship with your customer. I think you build one with your employees first.”

But which employees? The bigger the organization or company, the deeper you have to go with re-recruiting. A good rule of thumb, though, is two layers down from wherever you are in the organization. Feel the responsibility to keep recruiting your direct reports and their direct reports. If either of those groups feels like they hardly ever see you or that they are a cog in your wheel, their clarity will suffer, their vision will leak, and the idea of leaving becomes far less personal.

When do we re-recruit?

First, re-recruit before you think you need to. If you find out you need to, it’s probably too late.

Second, however, there are key times to re-recruit, certain inflection points (this article refers to “pain points” in an organization), that invite—require—leadership to re-recruit their people. Here are some examples.

A personal transition for the employee (marriage, baby, graduation of MBA, family or close friend’s death or tragedy, etc.).A season of heavy workload (make sure you know why it’s been so heavy).Sustained hyper-growth (don’t expect someone to run marathons at a sprint pace).New employees added to the team.A change in direction, speed, or culture.A new org chart or restructuring of the company for any reason (e.g., acquisition or merger).Completion and/or presentation of a big project.

Employees want to be seen. They want to know that the stress or excitement they experience is real and that they’re not alone in it. Moments of stress, therefore, are incredible opportunities to enter in with an “I’m here.”

How do I re-recruit?

There’s a spectrum of answers here. Sometimes, you have to re-recruit with a raise. You see this in sports all the time when a team rewards a coach with a new contract just because they know other teams are starting to call. (Here’s one example, but there are countless).

In the same vein, it might not just be about money. You may need to reconfigure the org chart a bit to give a new challenge or new responsibilities. This matters particularly with high performers who, if you don’t give them a challenge, will either get bored and opt out or create their own challenge, which can be detrimental to the company.

Other times, though, all that’s needed is extra time and attention. You check in a bit more often with this key leader. Perhaps you make sure the employee gets time with the CEO so they hear more of the vision of the company or organization. Maybe you change the flavor of your conversations to listen more instead of simply giving direction. Nothing re-recruits better than “I care about you, and your voice matters here.”

A Caveat and a Conclusion

First, a caveat. In all of this talk about re-recruiting, remember that the goal is not to keep everyone. That’s impractical and unwise. Impractical because the notion of going to a job and staying for 40 years has so many cracks—regardless of the profession. That’s just not the work landscape we’re in anymore. You don’t control the narrative of someone’s life, and you will have people leave.

It’s unwise because the goal is not just to get employees to stick around but to stick around at a high level. Some employees would serve your company better by leaving. Others will drop their performance or up their sense of entitlement with too much re-recruiting. There’s an art here.

So if it’s true that people will leave, then you’ve got to learn how to hire good people, empower and resource them, and try like crazy to keep them, but when they leave, bless them and let them go. (This is a principle called “catch and release.”)

But don’t just let people go. Re-recruit. Over half of voluntarily exiting employees say that their manager could have done something to keep them. Constantly draw employees back in so their eyes and hearts aren’t pulled elsewhere. Hear their voices and respond so they know you care. See their needs and speak to those before they ask. Show them that you want them here, and they’ll likely stay here.

Content, Eyeballs, and God

Content is king. Eyeballs are god. God is sovereign.

To put it another way, you need something worth saying. You need people who want to hear it. And at the end of the day, it still isn’t all up to you.

These three realities must be placed at the forefront if we hope to succeed in a content-starved, message-driven, noisy, social media-saturated society.

If we want people to read what we write, buy what we make, listen to what we create, and consume what we produce, we have to rise above the noise and stay there. Whether it’s a personal brand or a corporate identity, we have to create and maintain a platform.

Unfortunately, few individuals or organizations are able to keep all three realities in focus at the same time. Instead, they usually lose focus on one or lean too far toward another and fall into one of three traps.

Trap 1: Mailing It In (Losing Focus On “Content Is King”)

Too many content creators, particularly those who have had past success and have an established audience, forget just how much quality matters. Like the director who knocked it out of the park with the original and then produced an unwatchable sequel, they start mailing it in. Instead of pushing toward greater innovation and more daring insights, they fall back on “what worked last time.”

Consciously or unconsciously, we very easily start to buy into our own hype, assuming that our name or our reputation is enough to carry the product, regardless of its quality.

Twenty years ago, this may have been a workable strategy. Today, there are simply too many talented folks creating too much solid content at too low a price. Start coasting, and you’ll find yourself among the ranks of the one-hit wonders.

To succeed—and especially to succeed over time—you must offer something of enduring value, and you must do so over and over again.

In the content worlds I live in—sports media, publishing, and blogging —I manage this need by following guidelines like these: Tell me something I do not know. Tell me something I can use. Tell me something that triggers a number of sensory responses. These guidelines act as a content filter, sorting out the mundane and homing in on the unique and meaningful.

Regardless of what arena you’re living in, never underestimate the necessity of substantive, impactful messaging.

Trap 2: Genius Complex (Losing Focus On “Eyeballs Are God”)

“If you build it, they will come.” A great line from a great movie, but a terrible content strategy. And yet, so many content creators believe that if they write something eloquent enough, paint something beautiful enough, or film something captivating enough, the rest will take care of itself.

Unfortunately, the “viral” phenomenon has only further embedded this type of thinking in the minds of creators. Every time we see an obscure blogger or singer gain instant fame via social media, we think, “Why not me?” I’ll tell you why not. Because for every witty parenting video that makes its way to the Today Show, there are 10,000 more that are only read by the writer’s blood relatives.

So, if you want to bank on the sheer might of your genius, that’s fine, but keep in mind that this strategy tends to work better in death than in life. If you want your success to look more like Malcolm Gladwell’s or Seth Godin’s and less like Van Gogh’s, you will be well served to remember that in the world of content, eyeballs are god.

You’ve got to build an audience and keep building that audience. Your new customer acquisition process will ultimately be the engine that either drives or stalls your content machine.

Many experts say that you should spend 20% creating your content and 80% marketing it. While I’m not sure I agree with that exact split, the point is worth remembering.

Trap 3: It’s All About Me (Losing Focus On “God Is Supreme”)

“If I work hard enough, long enough, and smart enough, it will all work out.” Sound familiar?

Even if we wouldn’t say it out loud or list it as our mission statement, this is how many of us operate. We often act as if our successes and failures are entirely a result of our efforts, and we rarely involve God in any part of the process. (Unless, of course, the wheels fall off; then we remember the importance of prayer!)

We forget warnings like this, sprinkled throughout the Proverbs: “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps” (16:9). And, “You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail” (19:21).

When all the work is done, the result is ultimately up to God.

Now, I want to offer a note of clarification here. I am not saying that your work doesn’t matter. After all, I just got done telling you the importance of the quality of your content and the savvy of your marketing. What I am saying is that, as a person of faith, I must always remember that He is above all and in charge of all. My job is to be the best steward of the resources and talents He has given me, to honor Him in every stage of my work, and to trust Him with the outcomes.

6 Insights to Steer You Away from the Traps

Holding these three realities in tension requires constant effort and attention. While it is never easy, there are a few insights I’ve found helpful along the way.

Make your content powerful, fresh, and useful. Don’t get lazy. Never get complacent.Being the favorite is great, but it may not last long. The applause of the masses tends to be fickle, so hold it loosely and don’t let it dampen your drive.Don’t tie too much of your identity and value in either the message side or the platform side of the coin. Root yourself in the truth that God is good and sovereign.Treat both your content and your audience as another asset to be stewarded and leveraged. Give yourself away as often and deeply as you can. Be generous. Sure, make money and honor smart IP practices, but keep your heart generous and soft. You’ll never regret this.Don’t get caught by the gravitational pull of self-interest. We all have some level of self-interest, but not all self-promotion is equally offensive. Some smells worse than others. Your personality, authenticity, self-awareness, timing, and the depth of your generosity determine how abrasive or welcome your promotions are.For decades, I’ve tried to embody a truth that is vital to this discussion: “It is my job to build the depth and let God build the breadth.” Reach is His job. Have a plan. Market. Brand. Those are all good things. Ultimately, though, try to rest in the goodness and sovereignty of God as it relates to your platform.

P.S. I get emails often from people telling me how much The Five Tasks has changed the way they lead their business and given them a healthier balance in their life. That’s because its lesson is simple: there are only five things that any leader really must focus on. When we get distracted from those things, or try to delegate them, we struggle. In a 7-session class starting next week, I’m going to personally take you through some of the books key insights. Learn about the classes, and sign up here.

Catch and Release: The Best People Strategy

Anybody who knows me knows I love to fish. I agree with Chuck Clark, who said, “Three-fourths of the Earth’s surface is water, and one-fourth is land.  It is quite clear that the good Lord intended us to spend triple the amount of time fishing as taking care of the lawn.”

I’ve been fishing for decades and still try to steal an afternoon whenever I can to hit the river with my kayak and rod.

Arkansas has some premier trout and small-mouth fisheries. Many are “catch and release,” which is perfect for me because I love the energy of catching the fish and the thrill of the chase, but I don’t need trout for dinner every night.

Catch and release isn’t just a fishing strategy for me these days, though. It’s also become one of the fundamental ways I think about leadership and relationships.  If you’re a leader, you must hold employees and partners loosely enough so that if and when they take another opportunity somewhere else, you can live with it.

I hinted at this idea in the e-book I wrote for parents of graduates a few years back. Parents have to have a “catch and release” mentality or they actually create dysfunction when transitions need to happen.

I’ve thought about catch and release most, though, in the area of organizational leadership. We live and lead in a world of rapid change. New offerings and opportunities bubble up constantly, and people are constantly on the move. The average person has 12 jobs in their lifetime. One 2020 study found that 52% of employees are actively considering a job change. I’m no mathematician, but I’m pretty sure that’s over half. In other words, it’s more likely as you look at a person that they are considering a job change than that they’re not.

A catch and release mentality is vital in this work culture—both to survive as a company and to have impact on those you catch.

Catch and Release Leadership

The old way of doing business was “find people, develop them and retain them.” Get a new employee at 22 or a partnership early on and stick with it.

That doesn’t cut it anymore.

Employers are scrambling to adjust. They know that the headache and heartache (and wallet-ache) caused by people leaving will take you under.

But what if we accepted the fact that people were leaving? That even our best people will have new opportunities? It might have to do with us, but it just might not. That’s not simply dealing with the inevitable though. It’s a strategy. It’s catch and release.

Jack Welch, whose legacy as CEO is a complicated one, was one of the first leaders I can remember to institutionalize this strategy. There was a season where people knew GE was THE place to go and train to be a CEO. Why? Because he brought people in—the best and the brightest—and he gave them experience, knowing they would leave. He was fine with companies coming and taking one of his vice-presidents to take over their company.

It’s counter-intuitive (you can probably imagine what comes up when you Google “let your top employees go.”)

But a few companies have figured it out. I love this line in the Wall Street Journal article—“You’re better off having the best people for a short time than average people forever.”

Think of what Jack Welch got:

He got the talent of the best and brightest for a season and talent that was motivated to prove themselves.He attracted up and coming talent to replace them.It sure seemed like his stock price rose whenever someone left to join, lead, or launch a new company.

Without a catch and release mentality, there would have been a logjam at the top—a bunch of people sitting around waiting for Welch to retire. Instead, he created a leadership structure that didn’t just want the one seat at the top. They saw their position as a training ground, not a waiting room. So, they came to work for him, and they worked hard.

Why Not Catch and Release?

Sounds pretty wonderful, doesn’t it?

The reality is, though, it’s hard to be a catch and release leader. Just about the time you train them, get them ingrained in your culture and really productive, they leave.

So we adopt one of these other strategies instead:

Catch ‘em and string ‘em—Keep your best employees on the line by stringing them along. A bit more money here, a bit more responsibility there may keep them longer, but you might be creating a perpetually dissatisfied employee.Catch ‘em and mount ‘em—Put your best employees on display. Give them a fancy title but no real say into company matters and direction.Catch ‘em and fry ‘em—Since they’re going to leave anyway, we work employees so hard that before long, they’re no good to you or to their next employer—not to mention their family and themselves.

When people leave, many leaders take this personally. Insecure and power hungry, they think that employees and partners should never leave. If you leave, you’re choosing “them” over “me.”

These leaders either double down on employee retention or do the opposite and don’t invest in employees. They ignore the first half of Richard Branson’s famous quote, “Train employees well enough so they can leave.”

Proctor & Gamble was known for decades as one of the best at employee retention. They cross-train employees and offer growing compensation and vesting options for every employee. At the same time, however, they’re a breeding ground for C-Suite employees. P&G knows that bringing people in and training them means they could leave.

In more recent years, Google got the same reputation. One article advises “Make your company the best launchpad and puts it this way: “People flock to be a product manager at Google because it’s well known that this can be a steppingstone to being a startup CEO.” Great companies are great launchpads.

Conclusion:

You will lose good people. You can be shocked and frustrated by it or plan for it and flourish because of it. As comedian Steven Wright said, “There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.”

It starts with the way you see the world.

As for me, my faith helps me live with a catch and release mindset with people because I trust that God is in control. I will do the best I can to keep my best people, but if something outside of my control happens and an employee exits, that’s okay.

Fight for a mindset of abundance rather than scarcity. People with a scarcity mindset assume that if you have something (or someone), then I don’t. But an abundance mindset says that if I am open-handed with my resources (and people), then I will reap the benefits of the abundance in the market down the road.

If I train my people well and stay friends when they leave, the culture I’ve created and the reputation I maintain will reimburse me for the difficulty.

There’s other fish in the sea, and hopefully the one that I just released will go on to have an even bigger impact the next place they land. And who knows what might come swimming our way as a replacement.

P.S. There are a few spots left in my Five Tasks master class. If you’ve read the book, you know how powerful the insights of the Five Tasks are for every leader, no matter how seasoned an executive you are. For the first time, you can discuss those lessons with me on live Zoom calls. I am personally hosting these calls, and I can’t wait to meet you. Sign up here.

Your Four Spheres of Organic Influence

I remember years ago reading a shocking article titled Don’t Believe Facebook; You Only Have 150 Friends. That was the headline from this 2011 NPR article. It stated that, while you can facially recognize 1,500 people and Ashton Kutcher has 17,200,000 Twitter followers (as of now), you can only have 150 meaningful relationships.

In other words, you can only influence a finite number of people. The wise among us will be intentional about the way we spread our influence.

A few years back, I cowrote a book called Clout, in which we discuss how to become a person of influence. One of the key things we address is the importance of strategically using influence. The project recalls what a college friend had shared about influence.

The premise is that you have four spheres of organic influence in your life: biological, geographical, vocational, and volitional.

Biological

Rudyard Kipling said, “God could not be everywhere, and therefore He made mothers.” There are some people in your life that you’re just stuck with (and I mean that in the best way possible): parents, grandparents, children, spouses, kids, and cousins. Whatever that group is, that’s your biological sphere of influence.

Keep in mind this sphere is not the same size for all people. Remember that scene in My Big Fat Greek Wedding? The groom shows up with his sphere of influence and then meets the bride’s sphere. No contest.

But how do you exert influence with this group?

Start with your immediate family. All parents should regularly ask themselves—independently, together, or both—if they are influencing their children individually, actively, and correctly. Then, challenge the children to have a positive influence on each other. Let it go the other way as well: The parents should let the children’s enthusiasm for life be contagious to them. Finally, everyone should keep an eye out for those who have a weak biological circle (single parents, the elderly, etc.) and invite them into theirs.

Win on your home court within your family with regard to influence.

Vocational

If you work a 40-hour workweek (you probably work more than that) for 40 years, you’ll spend approximately 80,000 of your best hours at work in your lifetime. That amount of time affords you the potential for incredible influence.

So how do we do it? I keep coming back to four key words: serving, skill, character, and calling. With a commitment to these four objectives, anyone can exert significant influence within their vocational circle. These four words are like a multipurpose universal Swiss army knife. They are useful for anyone in any work setting.

A friend of mine was in an interview once and was told, “Your boss described you as ‘the conscience of the company.’” My friend was floored. He had no idea he held that kind of influence.

Use your hours at work with some intention.

Geographical

Most of us are situated in a neighborhood or physical community of some kind. In other words, we literally live around dozens or hundreds of people with whom we share a spot on the earth.

In addition to my home base, we have other spots we regularly traffic. I wrote an earlier blog on “third spaces”. It came out of a conversation I led at the Toms Shoes flagship store in Venice Beach, California, in conjunction with the Q Conference.

Ray Oldenburg wrote in The Great Good Place that there is a whole category of places outside of work and home where relationships, ideas, events, and life happen. Think of your church, a local coffee shop, restaurants, grocery stores, hair salons, etc. Every one of these places that we frequent represents a geographical circle of influence. I know a young woman who always chose the same checkout line at her local grocery store so she could build a relationship with the cashier. I strive to become a “regular” at a couple of local restaurants—in part because I like the food but also so I can build relationships there.

We must use “where we go” as a strategic decision of influence.

Volitional

Look at your calendar. There are the things you have to do every week, and then there are the things you choose to do—exercise, kids’ activities, golf, community volunteer work, etc.

The places we go and the people with whom we spend our discretionary time give us a wonderful opportunity for influence. People we run into regularly at the gym or at our children’s soccer games respond positively when we do or say the right thing. We don’t have to announce our good deeds in the town square, but neither should we hide our light under a basket. Let goodness and love for others run free.

Conclusion: Influence on Purpose

I’d challenge you to think about the people that you really want to influence. You might even want to make a list in each of these four areas. Rather than trying to know a ton of people well, recognize that there’s a limit to the number of meaningful relationships you can have.

NPR says that number is 150 faces in your organic family tree of intentional influence.

P.S. If you’re a senior leader who’s been enjoying my weekly blog content, I want to invite you to participate in my upcoming master class on The Five Tasks. I’ve worked with countless executives just like you who have achieved the job of their dreams but feel the pressure to see more clearly, decide more confidently, and still maintain a healthy balance in their lives. We’re going to talk about how to identify and excel in the things that really matter, so your business and your family can thrive. Learn more here.

The Five Elements of a Gospel Movement

Have you ever seen photos of the massive waves on Oahu’s famous North Shore? A few years ago, I stood on that beach and watched in jaw-dropping wonder and amazement at the size, force, and impact of those waves as they crashed onto the shoreline. The scene was very moving, very wild, and I at once felt small and speechless. I remember thinking about all the various elements that must converge for the waves to show up.

And to me, few things better illustrate a gospel movement than those waves.

We don’t start movements. We don’t control them. We don’t sustain them. Each one is different in size, scope, and impact. If we happen to be “swimming” in the right place at the right time, we can find ourselves riding a movement wave for a while. In fact, our job is to ride the wave.

In today’s society, most organizations aspire to be part of a movement. And that applies to churches, nonprofits, and almost every product and service.

The faith-based community probably talks about movements a bit more than others. I recently read Movements That Change the World by Steve Addison. In his book, he strolls through church history, identifying the many movements that swelled like a North Shore wave for a spot of time. Some look over the past quarter-century and tag movements focused on the Christian man (Promise Keepers), faith in the workplace (Life@Work), and worship music (Passion and Hillsong), just to name a few. Even megachurches have gotten into the act, sometimes referring to themselves as movements.

Like the North Shore monster wave, Gospel movements seem to have five recurring factors that operate as best practices to keep us in the “swim area” in order for a movement to build. But these are not foolproof elements that guarantee your idea will become a movement. Remember, creating and sustaining movements is more God’s job than ours. Our job is to ride the wave.

An idea close to the heart of God

Most organizations I have ever worked with (and that is hundreds upon hundreds) think they have a clever or fresh or new idea. But fresh, clever, and compelling are not the primary qualifiers for a gospel movement. The community of faith must ask: Is my core idea close to the heart of God? And if not, how can I move my idea closer in line to His heart?

First, we must ask: What is close to God’s heart? What is God passionate about? Take a look at Scripture. The Old Testament focuses on pure worship and justice. In the Gospels, you see Jesus draw near to those the world has turned its back on, discarded—the poor, the disenfranchised, the children versus the powerful, the wealthy, and the religious leaders of the day (who completely missed Jesus, by the way). We also know from the writings of the Apostle Paul that God is passionate about the gospel and the church.

Your organizational “reason for being” must be rooted in the heart of God. It does not have to be overt and publicly loud. But if you want a wave of kingdom impact that touches movement outcomes, get close to God’s heart.

A hungry market

Movements, in general, tap into a preexisting market, but they can expand that market (look at what Apple has done). Movements can even create markets. Back in the mid-’90s, with a couple of friends, I launched a magazine called Life@Work. It caught fire fast—not because it was a brand new idea, but because many Christians were struggling with the carryover between Sunday and Monday. We simply gave voice to their hunger for conversation around living out faith day by day in the work arena.

If your idea or organizational mission is too far ahead of or behind the market, you might miss the wave. But if your goal is to be a “testing of the waters” or an initial push for a future movement, then that’s different.

Market timing does seem to be aligned with most big-wave movements.

A tailored leader

Don’t believe it when you hear that movements are all grassroots and organic and viral without a real leader. In my experience, every movement has a leader, and it’s usually one catalytic individual—even if there is an entire team involved.

Of course, that doesn’t mean that the leader is the brilliant Harvard grad with over-the-top charisma, brilliance, and invincible willpower that stands out front and everyone sees. That may be the case, but more important than having a charismatic leader is having a fitted leader. Ronald Reagan once said, “The greatest leader is not necessarily the one who does the greatest things. He is the one that gets the people to do the greatest things.”

For example, my friend, Dave Blanchard, is a perfect fit to lead Praxis. Dave’s background in business, passionate faith, creative yet analytic wiring, and more all make him the perfect leader for Praxis at this stage. And guess what: There is a massive wave coming together around Praxis.

Every year, I work with dozens of organizations, and the question I hear often is, Who is the perfect CEO? The perfect leader is the leader who is tailored for the organization and its mission and vision for a particular season.

An effective organizational footprint and structure

To be most useful and influential, all big ideas and energy have to be packaged into a coherent organizational structure. Read that statement again and decide whether you agree. For example, when the early church was beginning to explode with growth in the Book of Acts, one of the first things the church did was identify some new leaders, delegate duties, and structure for growth (see Acts 6 for this story). This is also why the Apostle Paul tells the Corinthian church that each individual must identify their spiritual gift and then use that gift to uplift the church body—so that everyone wasn’t chasing down the same part in the play.

Modern movements are the same way. Before you can have a movement, you’ll need to package your ideas into a structure that has people playing their optimal roles and is steady in its resource procurement and deployment. The structure can be very creative as long as it is effective.

But beware—don’t structure God out of the movement. Keep an agile faith thread.

A tireless team of raving fans on the ground

The big waves off the North Shore carry massive amounts of water to the shoreline. And so it is with a movement—every movement eventually harnesses a groundswell of people around the cause, idea, offering, or belief, and it carries them along for some period of time.

It takes more than one person passionately ringing the bell to carry a movement of impact. But here is the good news. Once you have the top four elements in place, you usually don’t have to beg, borrow, and steal interest from people. That is the mystery of a movement. People are attracted to a movement for all kinds of reasons, and they usually personalize their reasons. They are not joining your movement; they are joining their movement.

One final note about this—young people, in particular, are the best ground troops. As U.S. Senator Sherrod Brown said, “Young people have been at the forefront of every great social movement in our country’s history.”

Conclusion

Let me be clear. Not everything should be a movement (though it seems that just about everyone wants their idea to become one). Not every activity of God is a movement, after all. It’s glorious to be an everyday, effective, useful ministry of Jesus, even if what you’re doing is not a movement in and of itself.

Sometimes, though, you find yourself in something that is clearly bigger than you. Instead of pushing everyone to think about a topic or believe a certain way, there’s an incredible divine and market pull.

Is there resistance? Sure, but usually that comes later (and that’s part of how you know you’re in a movement—you see a rising tide of opposition). For now, the only thing rising seems to be the wave.

Instead of spending time trying to create a movement, make sure you are swimming in the right area, and then spend your time building a surfboard shop. Seth Godin wrote, “Leadership is about giving people a platform for spreading ideas that work.” Similarly, faith-based movements are about inviting people to join you in God-driven ideas.

P.S. Registration is now open for my new Cornerstone Coaching Bootcamp, which starts in just two weeks. I’m thrilled to launch this new opportunity with a select handful of people (perhaps you!) who will learn what know about building a world-class executive coaching practice. To learn more and to apply, visit my website.

A Great Hire Will Outlive a Great Plan Every Time

The ten-year plan is dead. That’s right, dead. Irrelevant. Obsolete. The ten-year plan is to business strategy what the dial-up modem is to Internet access. You can keep using it, but you’re going to get left behind.

Now, before all you type-A folks out there start hyperventilating, let me explain. Planning is not dead. Preparation is not dead. Strategy, certainly, is not dead. However, as the marketplace moves from a Strategy 2.0 world to a 3.0 world—a shift that I explain in my book aptly titled Strategy 3.0—strategy cycles are getting shorter and shorter. Businesses are forced to pivot and adapt too quickly and too frequently for a ten-year plan to remain relevant for long. Of course, you can keep making ten-year plans, but like James Joyce’s Finnegans Wake, no one is reading past the first few pages.

The War for Talent

One implication of this shift in the strategic landscape is that your employees will likely be around longer than your strategies. An employee might, in fact, outlast numerous strategies. Accordingly, it’s no good having people who are perfect for one strategy if they aren’t also going to serve the organization well when your strategy changes.

With the what of your business changing faster and faster, the who becomes more important than ever. I’d go so far as to say that the war for great talent is fiercer than the battle for great ideas. The human element is the most valuable.

Employees Make the Difference—for Better or Worse

Every few years, IBM carries out a massive survey of CEOs to see what’s happening in business at a global level. What do you suppose is always on the short list of their concerns? People and talent.

“CEOs have a strategy in the unending war for talent,” the study says. “They are creating more open and collaborative cultures—encouraging employees to connect, learn from each other, and thrive in a world of rapid change,” one study said. The insight underlying this emphasis is that the people within the company are of crucial importance.

All strategy comes to life on the stage of humanity. In other words, it takes people to get things done, take risks, make the decisions for today and tomorrow, and problem-solve when the strategy hits a hurdle, goes sideways, or is disrupted by new realities. This means that, over time, the great hire will help shape or implement any strategic plan.

What Now?

Are you convinced yet that it’s vital to your business that you hire the right people? I hope so. Now, how do you go about it? Many things have been written about how to hire well—network, advertise broadly, and so on. This conventional advice is fine as far as it goes. But I want to focus on a few principles you may not have heard anywhere else.

Hire a composite B+ candidate. Quite often, leaders hire someone who is exceptionally capable in one area but abysmal in another. They are overwhelmed by the positive competency but eventually regret the decision when the area of weakness makes life miserable for others in the organization. This is why I suggest hiring someone who earns a composite B+ in the three core areas of chemistry (getting along with the rest of your team), competence (ability to do their role on the job), and character (being someone you can rely on). Among your candidates, this person may not rank the absolute highest in any one area, but they are strong in all of them and will be a lasting asset who doesn’t cause problems.Hire slow, fire fast. Unfortunately, many leaders get this one backward—and then find themselves stuck trying to execute a strategy with the wrong players on the bench. I know you’re busy. Nevertheless, when hiring, it’s incredibly important that you take all the time and go through all the steps you need to be confident that you have the right person. You’re far less likely to make a mistake that way. If you do, correct it quickly by getting rid of the misplaced employee. Having the right crew on board is that important.Keep on “hiring” after you hire. Too many companies woo great talent, then immediately begin to neglect that new talent. Don’t take your new hire for granted. Instead, continue showing you care about this person by investing in their professional development. Keep your employee motivated, empowered, and giving their best. It’s like keeping the romance alive in a marriage: Keep wooing a great hire to create longevity in the relationship.

As you’re looking toward your new strategy, remember that no plan self-executes. It is crucial to have the right talent to get things done. Learning to hire brilliantly may, in fact, turn out to be your most important strategy.

P.S. Registration is almost open for my two new small-group courses. Spaces will be limited, so fill out this form to be the first to have access to registration. Last week, I told you about my Cornerstone Coaching bootcamp that’s starting soon. One month from now, I’ll also be teaching lessons for senior leaders taken from my book, The Five Tasks. Let me if know you’re interested.

Empathy: The Secret Sauce of Effective Leadership

Walk a mile in their shoes. Treat others the way you want to be treated. These days, many business leaders are picking up on something we were supposed to learn from our parents by the time we were five years old.

Of course, business schools don’t usually use phrases like be nice, so instead, the term empathy is in vogue.

In the context of organizational development, empathy is a profound and thorough understanding of your various stakeholders; it is the amalgam of their contexts, motivations, and attitudes.

Compare that to the stereotypical businessperson. Win at all costs. What can you do for me? What have you done for me lately? Sure, they want to walk in your shoes—the same way Jack Handey joked, “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.”

That may be the old way, but empathy is vital in modern business.

Wired Magazine spotlighted empathy as one of the key themes in the business world in 2013. HuffPost called empathy “the missing link to solving the world’s most pressing problems.” A Harvard Business Review blog declared empathy “the most important thing they teach at Harvard Business School.”

Why empathy?

In the past, leaders could issue edicts from their seats of power, but leaders of the future must serve their constituents by seeking empathy. While the focus of attention is usually the customer, this posture of thoughtfulness should permeate the organization. Executives should view the organization from their employees’ perspectives. Purchasing agents should consider their vendors’ points of view. And everyone should seek to understand the funders who have backed the organization.

Why is empathy so important? Empathetic organizations build mutually beneficial relationships that unleash incredible value. Even—if not especially—in today’s world of short-term job stints, this organizational mindset matters.

I can think of three main benefits to any organization acting with empathy.

It’s good for the other person. Quite simply, empathy adds value and worth to someone else and/or provides them with something they need. It works for customers, vendors, employees, and participants. It’s not simply giving them what they want (like increasingly large soft drinks even when it’s horrible for their health); it’s thinking from their perspective.It’s good for you. If you’re like me, you need help thinking about someone other than yourself. We know we need to be less selfish, but selfishness comes so naturally. Empathy in business serves as a discipline to help you begin to think about others. It’s not just a business act; it’s a molding of our character and a healthy shifting of perspective.It’s good for the organization. Organizations that understand their customers’ deepest needs and unstated desires tend to win. This article argues that innovation starts with empathy. Empathy knocks down false assumptions and breaks stereotypes, freeing organizations to create products that people will buy and services that people will use—all without wasting resources on things people don’t want.

How do I get empathy?

While it helps to start with a humble and curious personality, the empathetic mindset takes hard work and time to develop. The good news is that it can be trained into the ethos and processes of an organization and its leadership.

Most empathy training, like this Financial Post article, is good but seem kind of obvious.

That said, I’ll reveal my favorite of the obvious tips.

Learn to be an active listener. That’s the first step to empathy. Listen really well. Listen when you’re in a conversation, of course, but it’s also broader than that. Listen to people’s actions. When you’re at the DMV or the farmer’s market or a football game, put your phone away, watch, listen, and reflect. Listen well, and you’ll start to see things from other points of view. You will begin to build empathy.

Ask good questions and then sincerely digest their responses. Ask your customers, employees, donors, and friends to give you candid feedback about your model, strategies, practices, and even your character. And then close your mouth, open your mind, and listen carefully. Conduct qualitative research and create 360-degree channels for employee feedback. Watch the way people respond to your product or service.

Empathy done right is listening to the one while remembering the many. It’s walking a mile in someone else’s shoes and saying, “I wonder how many other people wear these shoes.”

P.S. Update on the two Zoom-based classes I told you about last week… Starting September 15, I’ll be teaching a Cornerstone Coaching bootcamp for executive coaches who want to build a more profitable and impactful coaching practice. Over 4 months, I’ll download my 3 decades of experience with you and a handful of other coaches through highly interactive virtual discussions. To learn more about this opportunity, as well as my upcoming course on The Five Tasks, fill out this form to get notified when the bootcamp registration is live.