Cheryl L. Eriksen's Blog, page 2

March News and Upcoming Events

Here we are on the eve or March and I haven’t posted a newsletter in forever. Aside from working diligently on researching and writing my next project (which I’ve now officially been working on for a year), there is not a ton going on right now. This time of year I spend nights in the foaling barn, watching and waiting. It’s my thirteenth season as a horse midwife. A job I wanted to do ever since I read about the birth of Man O’ War in Walter Farley’s partially fictionalized biography of the same name. I read that book when I was eleven.

twelve hours old

“Sneak Peek” at New Writing Projects
As for new writing projects, I have two in the works right now, and a third one outlined. I’m not ready to share details about any of them but hopefully I’ll be able to do so soon for two of them. I hate to be so secretive but unfortunately in the publishing business it is necessary to protect your ideas. I’m dying to let you all know though–I’m super excited about these projects. So … I think I’ll give you a clue (so you can be excited too!) …

a biography of a famous horse you’ve likely never heard of (hoping for Christmas 2024 or early 2025)a tool to help you listen to and learn from your horse (shooting for Spring/Summer 2024)a sort-of memoir, but much different than what I’ve written before (no idea, hopefully 2026)

EQUUS Film and Arts Festival Award Winner
Both of my books won awards at the 2023 EQUUS Festival!

Host a Hope, Healing, and Horses Book Talk
I recently did two of these events at the Red Horse Center in Fenville, Michigan. It is a free event open to the community where I read select passages from one or both of my memoirs and then lead a question and answer period followed by a book signing. Here is a review from my September event:

I plan to do more of these in 2024 and am looking for hosts. I reside in Kentucky and regularly travel to Michigan but am open to traveling further. If you’d like to find out more about hosting an event, please use this contact form.

Upcoming Events:
April 13 and 14 Book Signing/Meet the Author at the Equine Affaire,
Ohio Expo Center, Columbus, Ohio

April 27 and 28 Book Signing/Meet the Author at the Kentucky Three-Day Event,
Kentucky Horse Park, Lexington, Kentucky

July 12, 13, 14 Book Signing/Meet the Author at Breyerfest
Kentucky Horse Park, Lexington, Kentucky

More event details HERE

The Gentle Art of Growth and Learning

I go through a gamut of emotions when I think over parts of my life with horses. Some of the things I did based on the information I had available to me at the time were not what was best for the horses and certainly not what I would do now.

This extends beyond training to all aspects of horse care. Things I learned about nutrition and hoof care, how the diet affects the hooves. And just how many horses are teetering on the edge of laminitis, showing signs I never knew to look for, but do now.

At times I feel a lot of guilt about what I’ve done in the past when I didn’t know better. Back when I thought nothing of leaving a horse stalled twenty hours a day, or thought shoeing a horse to make him sound was a good idea, or believed that horses have a strict hierarchy with one single horse that is always dominant, or that “moving his feet” made my horse respect me, or that draw reins and martingales were effective training tools, or that longeing a young horse was OK as long as the circle wasn’t too tight, or that it’s safe for a horse to pull back as long as he’s tied level with his wither, or any number of other half-truths or flat out bad information I was taught in my early years with horses.

I find myself wishing I could go back and apologize to these horses that suffered from my ignorance. I feel guilty that I likely caused pain or discomfort, or confused and frustrated or even scared a horse through some of the techniques I once used. I worry perhaps I shortened the useful life of a horse (in this case useful = serviceably sound. A horse is of course useful even if unable to be ridden, something else I learned along the way).

Once I step into the murky, clinging darkness of guilt, it’s not hard to get sucked down into sorrow or even depression. But I know there is no benefit in dwelling on or even entertaining the feelings of guilt. Guilt serves no purpose. It is a byproduct of learning to do better. Holding onto the guilt keeps us trapped in the past. When we hang on to the guilt, we allow it to come up over-and-over, slapping us with feelings of inadequacy because we didn’t do right by the ones we love, even though I was doing the best I could.

The thing about guilt though is you don’t feel it unless you’ve learned a better way. Once I realized my old ways were not best for my horse, the guilt and the questions rained down on me. I held onto the guilt, regretting the mistakes I made, as if holding that would somehow change the past. I couldn’t undo my mistakes, but I could learn from them. It is one way the horses in my life have been my teachers.

Once you’ve learned the better way, let the guilt pass away right along with the old habits. Don’t linger in the past. There is nothing for you or your horse there.

Me in 1992 with Splatters, one of my first teachers.

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There is Power in Telling Our Stories

This past weekend I attended the Louisville Book Festival, downtown Louisville, Kentucky, as an invited author. This was my first book festival ever (as author or attendee) and I wasn’t sure what to expect. The venue was lovely and I met some great people.

I knew going in that there was no guarantee I’d sell a single book. That is a risk an author takes, particularly an indie author (100% self-funded). Odds are I’ll drop $500 in gas, hotel, and food and maybe sell $50 worth of books. Of course if I only thought about festivals and other events along these lines, I’d never go to any of them.

I’ll be honest though–I really had high hopes for making sales. The festival organizers said they had 6000 attendees last year and were projecting twice that for 2023. I loaded up my biggest suitcase with twenty-eight copies of each of my two books and schlepped that thing half a mile on foot (each way) from the hotel to the venue. My books weigh about a pound a piece, in case you are wondering. Thankfully, the suitcase has wheels but still, that’s like sixty pounds of dead weight–I wore the rubber right off one wheel.

Is fifty-six books overly optimistic? Yeah, probably. Though I figured with 10,000 attendees, surely I could move that many. Unfortunately, the turnout was much much lower than projected.

Insert dose of reality here.

I sold ten books.

That’s $60

Why am I sharing this?

I admit, I was pretty down about the low sales, especially having spent so much money to attend. This concern weighing a bit more heavily as I’m in my very lean months where I’m almost out of money and unsure how I’ll cover expenses until I start foaling again in January. But this post isn’t about that. I share this only to paint the picture. It’s easy to be all rainbows and unicorns when stuff goes not quite as planned if it won’t make a significant difference to my budget. It’s a lot harder when it does.

That is why I shared these few financial truths–to show you I’m coming from a place of reality when I tell you it’s so important to focus on what’s good and place value on what is truly valuable.

I’m not always good at that. But I keep trying.

I knew I needed to step back and reevaluate my book festival experience. What happened over those two days and what did I (and others) gain from it? What was most important to me? Making money or sharing my story? Selling all of my books or showing a stranger that they are not alone in their suffering?

Of course selling books is important to me. I’m not going to pretend it isn’t, I’m trying to make a living over here in author land. But something very beautiful happened over the weekend. I met and spoke to many people and I shared my story–over and over.

I told people about my experiences with PTSD and my story filled with hope, horses, and healing. I wrote Follow Me, Friend and I’ve Never Been to Me believing I could help others through telling my story. By hearing me talk about my books, people are still benefiting from the overarching message of my story, even if they don’t read it.

Because of this festival, more people know that PTSD symptoms can exist without a conscious memory of the trauma that caused them. They know mental health is important to talk about, that I found hope and healing through the special relationship I had with Farletta, and that it’s possible to come from the deepest, darkest, black hole of depression and find your way back to hope and light. They know it is possible to move from a place of survival to a place where you can thrive. There are dozens and dozens of people who left the Louisville Book Festival knowing this to be true, without ever reading my books.

This is a big deal.

Sharing our stories–this is how we connect–how we weave the threads of our lives together. One touching another and another in a tapestry of words until we finally realize we are all connected, we are all in this together, and we are stronger than ever when we not only give ourselves a voice but also take time to listen and encourage another to find theirs.

Peace, my friends. And much gratitude for each of you.

Video: Author Cheryl L. Eriksen talks about hope, horses, and healing (60 seconds).

visit my author websiteview/buy books on amazon

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November News: audio book project, book festival, and more!

Access for All! The Follow Me, Friend Audiobook Project

Do you believe in making books accessible to as many people as possible? I do! Through my Get a Book/Give a Book program, my own donations, and the donations of friends and family, about 100 copies of Follow Me, Friend and I’ve Never Been to Me have been donated to women’s shelters, facilities and therapists working with childhood trauma, schools educating future therapists/social workers, or placed where people will find them (like free libraries).

But there are many people who are unable to read a printed book but are able to read an audiobook. Publishing an audiobook is very expensive, upwards of $3500. I put down an $800 deposit back in August but have no extra money to finish this project. Therefore, I started a Go Fund Me campaign to bring this audiobook to reality. You can help, HERE.

Louisville Book Festival

I’m excited to announce I have been chosen for the Louisville Book Festival! This is a FREE two day event in downtown Louisville, Kentucky. There are a variety of talks and presentations plus an opportunity to meet authors from many genres. I’ll be there with both of my books! Event info HERE.

Other News

New Book!
That’s right! Book number three! I spent the summer of 2023 working on my next book project. This required hours of extensive research and has consumed nearly every waking hour of my day for months. It has been fun and educational for sure and I’m super excited about it! That’s your teaser! I’m not ready to announce the nature of my project just yet but stay tuned for future updates!

Upcoming Events!
In addition to the Louisville Book Festival, I am planning a book signing in Ohio in December. More details soon once I confirm the details with the store. Upcoming events can be found here, too.

Thanks for being here and joining me in this journey. Together we are doing great things! Peace and Gratitude! Cheryl

(click image to learn more)

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Being Seen

It’s interesting, the idea of “being seen.”

I’d always thought I wanted to be invisible. My weight being a source of shame for so many years, the idea of being invisible seemed appealing. But the truth is, I didn’t want to be invisible so much as I wanted to be seen for something other than the fat girl taking up more than her share of the available space. I wanted people to see me, not the body I live inside.

This post isn’t about weight. It is about the significance of being seen. Not physically seen, but truly seen from a place of understanding. It is a connection on a deeper level–one that says “I see you, I see what you are holding, I can’t fix it, but I can help you carry it.”

Back in July I was really struggling. I felt out of sorts, I couldn’t get excited about an annual event I used to love going to, I couldn’t get my creative juices flowing to work on my newest manuscript, I couldn’t get up the gumption to do much of anything–I just felt lost.

July marked one year since Farletta’s passing. I’d finally interred her ashes the month before, an act that needed to take place but something I’d been unable to do. It did bring a level of closure, but it also had the effect of tearing open the wounds, bearing my soul, and crying harder than I had since the day Farletta died. Like it was all new again.

Farletta’s ashes are buried at a pet cemetery near my first dog, Diefenbaker. [image error]Farletta’s ashes are buried at a pet cemetery near my first dog, Diefenbaker. [image error]Farletta’s ashes are buried at a pet cemetery near my first dog, Diefenbaker.

A couple weeks later I was at the event–the one I couldn’t get excited about–Breyerfest. It is a celebration of the horse hosted by Breyer, my favorite brand of model horse. I’ve been a collector since 1987 and have attended Breyerfest every year since 2013 when I moved to Kentucky (where it is held).

It was Saturday, the second day of the event and I still felt out of sorts. I’d gotten up much later than I’d planned and still didn’t feel like going to the Horse Park where the event is held–I just didn’t have it in my heart at all. I stopped by the hotel where my out-of-state Breyerfest buddies Christina and Ann were staying. Ann had gone to the park but Christina was there so I went up and we had a long chat.

We talked about a lot of things but I kept coming back to Farletta and how much I missed her. I couldn’t understand why I was so sad again, when I had been doing better. Why then? Was it the anniversary? Was it the horse-themed event? Was it that I had a book signing the next day and I wondered if I could bear talking about Farletta for five hours, telling and retelling our story and then having to say she had died when a well-meaning person asked how she was doing?

One thing Christina said had a huge impact on me. It created a shift, and illuminated a piece of my experience that I thought no one could see or understand. Christina told me about her own losses and how, with the loss of one beloved dog in particular, she felt she’d somehow lost her identity.

Lost her identity. I knew this feeling. I’d felt it every day since Farletta’s passing–like I didn’t know who I was, or what I was supposed to be doing without her. In sharing her story, Christina had made me feel seen, she’d seen me with her heart through our common experience. I felt an enormous sense of relief. Christina had picked up a corner of the burden of sorrow I’d been carrying, and I felt lighter because of it. I felt completely at peace in that moment.

I felt seen, on a soul level, because of a shared experience.

Christina told me it had taken time for her to feel like she knew who she was without her beloved friend, a slow change over the course of years. But she didn’t sugar coat anything–it would never be the same without Farletta–there would always be a sense of loss. But it will get better. I will get better. And that is hope I can hang on to.

At my Breyerfest book signingpost script: there is power in telling our story

Farletta has always been able to see me. Through telling our story in my Hope, Healing, and Horses Book Collection, it is my hope that we can help others to also feel seen.

Radical Self-Love, Unapologetically Me

Today was a big day. Not only because it is the day my second book was released but because it marks the day I, through that book’s release, publicly own every part of what makes me, me. You see, I’ve hidden much of myself for a long time. My talents, what I’ve learned about how animals communicate, and what I believe about how the world works and the interconnectedness of us all.

The socks I wore today. A gift from my BFF!

I’m guessing you’ve also hidden your light from the world in some form or another. We so often live in fear of being truly seen, even by (or perhaps especially by) ourselves. Read that last sentence again. Afraid of being truly seen, even by ourselves.

What makes you not value yourself? Why don’t you value your gifts? Whose voice do you hear in your head when you feel bad about who and what you are? Why is it so hard to love the magical, wonderful, unique and beautiful human being you are? Whose tapes are you playing over and over in your head, each time you try to step into your own light?

These are deep questions and I’ve spent a lifetime seeking answers. Some of the greatest lessons I learned came from my best friend, Sarah; and my horse, Farletta.

Radical self-love, unapologetically me — what does that mean? In short, it is gratitude. Being grateful for the gifts I’ve been given. Not wishing I’d been given something different or easier to explain, or prettier, or more socially acceptable–but instead being grateful for and loving every part of me. No more apologies when I’ve done nothing wrong. No more hiding, no more shame, no more looking back and wishing for something to be different. Instead, always looking onward, forward, with the light of love and gratitude to guide me.

It has been a long and difficult journey, but I’m finally finding my way. And, although I consider myself an eternal work in progress, I am getting closer every day to radical self-love and unapologetically being me.

Peace to you my friends

PS…if you’d like to read the story of this part of my journey, my new book, I’ve Never Been to Me is available as an eBook now HERE. The print book is coming soon.

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May News, Book News, Sale Pricing!

Hi Everyone!

Here we are at the end of May, can you believe it? I’m done foaling for the year and am on the road visiting family and researching my next book! What is it about, you ask? That is a secret for now. But I will tell you it is not a memoir. However, it is non-fiction and of course is about a horse.

Above: one of the foals I delivered this year. From January-May/June I am a horse midwife for various thoroughbred farms in Kentucky. It’s a pretty fun job and the babies are soooo cute!

New Book!

My newest book, I’ve Never Been to Me, ebook officially drops June 1st! It is in pre-order now on Amazon for a special low price. As a bonus, Follow Me, Friend is also on sale through June 2 for just .99! The print book will hopefully be available soon after! You may order signed copies here.

I’ve Never Been to Me

One Woman’s Search for Purpose, and the Horse that Showed her the Way

Nothing ever changes. She would always be the little girl with no future stuck inside the adult with no hope . . .

Cheryl has spent her entire life searching for purpose, something to give her life meaning, that one elusive piece that will finally make her feel complete. Instead, she sinks ever deeper into a black-hole life defined by toxic relationships and an inability to see her own worth. The childhood trauma she thought she’d healed from still lurks in the shadows, pulling the strings, making all the decisions.

Farletta, Cheryl’s longtime horse companion, has the uncanny ability to see into Cheryl’s soul. The mare can look within, touch the broken parts, and bring them to the surface, where they can be healed. Farletta had already saved Cheryl’s life once—can she do it again?

From the author of Follow Me, Friend comes this touching, unforgettable story of one woman’s spiritual journey, a remarkable horse-human bond, and the unconditional self-acceptance that can only come when we courageously look within and learn to love ourselves.

Events

I have openings available for book events, talks, or classes. So far I am scheduled for:

A book launch/signing at Westwood United Methodist Church, 538 Nichols Rd., Kalamazoo, MI 49006 on June 18 from 9:00 a.m. until after the service (around noon). The service is at 10:30 and all are welcome to come. www.westwood-umc.org for more info about Westwood. Books will be available for purchase.

A book signing at Breyerfest! Saturday July 15 and Sunday July 16 at the Kentucky Horse Park, 4089 Irons Work Parkway, Lexington, KY (tickets required to enter). I will be at the Taborton Equine Books booth in the covered arena. Books will be available to purchase.

My Other Blog

That’s right, I have two blogs! If you love horses, learning about famous horses, and/or love Breyer model horses the Sputter Moo Breyers blog is for you! Click the image below to read my post about Secretariat!

SECRETARIAT: NOBILITY IN THE AGE OF SCOUNDRELS

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New Book & Cover Reveal!

I’ve kept you waiting long enough! Thank you to Mallory Rock of Rock Solid Book Design for all of her hard work on this cover! She brought this picture to life perfectly!

Cheryl spent her entire life searching for purpose, something to give her life meaning, that one elusive piece that would finally make her feel complete. After an unprovoked horse attack leaves Cheryl shaken and triggered; she realizes the childhood trauma she believed she’d healed from still lurked in the shadows, pulling the strings, and making all the decisions.

Farletta had the uncanny ability to see into Cheryl’s soul. She could look within, touch the broken parts, and bring them to the surface, where they could be healed. The horse had already saved Cheryl’s life once, could she do it again?

From the author of Follow Me, Friend comes this touching, inspirational, and unforgettable story of one woman’s spiritual journey, a remarkable horse-human bond, and the power of unconditional self-acceptance that can only come when we courageously journey within, and learn to love ourselves.

I’m super excited about this new book! It was the first post in this blog that made me realize there was another book in my story. I needed to continue healing and share the beauty of what Farletta taught me about life, finding my purpose, and learning how to love myself.

The official release date is June 1, 2023. The eBook is available for pre-orders now at a special reduced price of $3.95 US £3.18 €3.62 $5.34 CAD Click HERE.

As with Follow Me, Friend, I am taking pre-orders for autographed copies with a special gift only available to the first 50 buyers. Unfortunately I can only offer this to buyers in the US due to shipping expenses. Also, due to the way Amazon works, as with last time, the print books will technically be available on Amazon (for $18 plus shipping) before I am able to ship to you. However, those won’t be autographed and won’t have the special surprise or come with my undying gratitude for your generous pre-release support! Plus, by buying now, the extra money will go toward the final expenses of publication, which are many!

With the above in mind, if you would like to pre-order a print copy directly from me, please use the contact form below. Let me know how many copies you want, and who to autograph it to, and I will send you a PayPal invoice. Other payment options may be available, just ask. $25 includes shipping (US only).

EXCLUSIVE BONUS: you can add a copy of Follow Me, Friend for just $15! Books will be shipped together in June.

Submit a form.

February News

February was a busy month for this blogger. I’m back in the foaling barn for my 12th season as a horse midwife, delivering thoroughbred foals into the world. It’s a job I dreamed of as a kid, being the first person to touch a new life, wondering what the future would bring for this new little life.

Recent Awards

I’m excited to report that Follow Me, Friend won two awards recently. First place in the Writer’s Digest SP Ebook awards for narrative non-fiction, and first place in multiple categories for the Firebird Book Awards.

New Podcasts

I had two fantastic conversations as the guest on two podcasts in February.

Stories that Empower with Sean Farjadi: we talked about horses as healers, the impact of telling our stories, the importance of paying attention to what is going on inside of you, and the significance of moving through something difficult by stepping into it with intention. Listen HERE.

Speak Up with Pat Rullo: an engaging talke about the powerful healing relationship with my horse, Farletta, how our energy influences horse behavior, how Farletta acted as a barometer to my internal discontent and helped me look within myself for answers. Listen HERE.

New Book

The new book, a sequel to Follow Me, Friend, is with the editor for the first round of edits. The cover design in in progress and I hope to have a cover reveal sometime next month! This is where you will find it along with the first look at the title and the blurb so be sure to subscribe at the end of this post!

I’m looking at a June release but don’t have a date yet. I’m super excited about sharing this next part of my life and the amazing connection I share with my heart horse, Farletta.

Upcoming Events

I have nothing set in stone as yet but I do expect to be signing books at Equine Affaire in Columbus, Ohio in April and will definitely be at Breyerfest this year in July at the Kentucky Horse Park in Lexington, Kentucky. Keep an eye on my EVENTS calendar HERE for dates and locations!

Keep in the Loop

I’m abandoning my MailChimp newsletter effort as the platform is a pain to use and I like this better, yay WordPress! I’ll do brief monthly updates in addition to my regular blog posts. If you’ve already subscribed, you’re all set. If not, just enter your email below to subscribe (don’t worry, I won’t spam you or sell your information). Let’s keep in touch!

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When it doesn’t fit

What do you do when something doesn’t fit? Do you force it? Do you hang onto it in case it fits later? Do you throw it away? Do you beat yourself up because it won’t fit?

Despite all the work I’ve done on myself, there are still pieces of my life that don’t fit. They aren’t working but I hang onto them because maybe they will someday. To some degree I guess we all do that–with relationships, bad habits, toxic people, old dreams …

Why do I hang on? Do I really think this thing will finally fit. Or am I just incapable of letting go. It’s one of those questions I ponder in the middle of the night.

When is giving up the best option? I’m asking because I really don’t know. I guess if it were a horse I was thinking about instead of my own life I’d look at my expectations compared to what the horse is capable of and what makes them happy, and make adjustments accordingly. I wouldn’t think of that as giving up but rather finding the horse’s strengths and talents, and working with them instead of against them.

There’s probably a lesson for me in that, but I’m not ready to hear it. Depression is like that.

I’ve certainly seen horses suffer through training for a discipline they are either not physically capable of or simply don’t enjoy. I’ve worked to bring these horses to a happier place, developing the talents they have and being patient, gentle, and encouraging as they learn and become more physically capable of the work I’m asking of them. It’s easy for me to see when the “box” a horse has been placed in is the wrong fit.

But I hold myself to a different standard. I hang on to the old dreams because I still want to believe I can make them come true someday.

There are no rainbows and unicorns in this post–sorry. I haven’t been able to think of a nice, positive post for weeks. But maybe that is part of the human experience? Maybe we owe it to ourselves to step outside of the confines of the boxes we don’t really fit in, and let the world get a glimpse of something real, if for no other reason than to remind each other that we’re not alone.