Gretchen Rubin's Blog, page 22

The Reason You Can’t Stick to Your Morning Routine

My sister Elizabeth calls me a "happiness bully," and I have to admit that I do often quiz people about what happiness habits they'd like to master.

Over and over, people have told me, "I really want to develop a good morning routine. But I can't get it to stick."

Of course, that frustration often arises from the fact that we don't have complete control over our lives. If you're managing your family's morning or dealing with an unpredictable work schedule, it can be very tough to establish a solid routine. That's a reality.

But sometimes we can't stick to a morning routine because we need to work harder on setting ourselves up for success—by being specific about what we expect from ourselves, addressing recurring challenges, and being realistic about what can get done in a certain amount of time.

And while we may not have complete control, we may have more control than we realize, to tweak a routine so it works better for us.

Here are some suggestions to keep in mind:

1. Break your "morning routine" into concrete, manageable actions. An example might look something like this:

Wake up at 7:00 a.m., and hit the snooze alarm only once.Do a ten-minute meditation after getting dressed.Wake up the kids at 7:45.Cook a hot breakfast and eat as a family Monday-Thursday.

Then take steps to solidify each individual habit. I've identified 21 Strategies for Habit Change that you might use—for instance, for that list, you might use the Strategies of Convenience, Inconvenience, Pairing, Scheduling, or Safeguards.

One powerful strategy is the Strategy of Monitoring, where you keep track each day of whether you've successfully completed that part of your morning routine. Monitoring has an almost uncanny power. It doesn’t require change, but it often leads to change, because people who keep close track of just about anything tend to do a better job of managing it. Tracking boosts self-control in key categories such as eating, drinking, exercising, working, TV- and internet-use, spending—and just about anything else.

Many people find that it's helpful to pursue a "streak" or to tell themselves "don't break that chain." To make it easier to do that, I've created a Don't Break the Chain Habit Tracker which is designed to make it fun and convenient to track, spot patterns, take notes—and keep the tracker as an accomplishment keepsake when you're done. By trying not to break the chain of the individual habits that create your morning routine, you'll strengthen that morning routine.

2. Use the "Four Tendencies" personality framework to help you stick to your routine. Don't know if you're an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel? Take a moment to take the free, quick quiz (more than 3.5 million people have taken this quiz). Once you know your Tendency, harness that knowledge to help you stick to your routine.

Upholders: Make a morning to-do list and put items on the calendar.Questioners: Create the most efficient and customized routine possible, and remind yourself about why this routine works so well for you.Obligers: Use outer accountability to help you stick to your routine. Remind yourself that if you keep your morning routine, you'll help others keep their morning routines. Or think of your duty to your future-self, who will be so happy to start each day with a strong routine. Or create ways that you're accountable to others; for instance, instead of taking a morning walk alone, walk with a neighbor.Rebels: You might not want to lock yourself into a specific routine. Think about what you want from your mornings, and let your actions flow from your desires. Think about your identity and the routines that support and naturally flow from that identity (an athlete, a nature-lover, a thoughtful parent, an artist).

3. Use self-knowledge. People often try to apply one-size-fits-all solutions for happiness and habit-formation, and they get frustrated when those solutions don't work. If you're having trouble keeping a morning routine, try to know yourself better, and to adapt the routine to suit you. No tool fits every hand. For instance:

Are you a morning person or night person? If you're a night person, you're at your most creative, energetic, and productive later in the day. If you try to do something strenuous—doing a tough work-out, working on a novel—early in the day, it will be tough. Try moving that aim later in the day.Do you love familiarity or novelty? If you like novelty, you might resist the sameness of a morning routine. Think about how you can add variety and challenge, to keep yourself interested.Do you really care about this aspect of your morning routine? Sometimes we think we "should" do something, but we don't really want to. Make sure that your routine includes items that truly matter to you.

4. Do you simply need more time? Sometimes we're just trying to cram too many items into the morning routine. For most of us, a lot needs to get done in the first few hours of the day, and it's important to be realistic.

My sister Elizabeth told me, "I used to tell myself that I needed a certain amount of time in the morning. And that's plenty of time, when I'm just dealing with myself. But the reality is that I'm dealing with Adam and Jack too, and that means I need a bigger buffer." She started getting up thirty minutes earlier, to give herself plenty of time to deal with herself and her family.

Many people wouldn't welcome the suggestion to get up earlier! But for some people, it's an option. Along those lines...

5. Can you move some tasks out of the morning, to make the morning routine less onerous? You might do a better job of keeping your morning routine if you work on your evening routine. For instance, if you or others need to take things to work or school, get materials organized the night before; assemble lunches the night before; choose outfits the night before, etc.

6. Identify the problem. Are there problems that repeatedly crop up to disrupt your morning routine? Do you regularly sleep through the alarm, hunt for your keys, scramble to put together an outfit, lose track of time? Identify the problem, and figure out a way to address it.

7. Sing in the morning. Look for ways to add an energetic, cheerful note to your morning. When I wrote The Happiness Project, one of my resolutions was to "Sing in the morning" because it’s hard to both sing and maintain a grouchy mood. It set a happy tone for everyone in my family—particularly in my case, because I’m tone deaf and my audience finds my singing a source of great hilarity.

8. You may be in the rush hour of life. The fact is, sometimes we're in a period of our lives when we just don't have the well-oiled machine running the way we'd like! If that description applies to you, remember that things change. One day, the baby who wakes up at 5:00 a.m. needing to be diapered, fed, clothed, and carried will get up and get ready for school all by herself. The days are long, but the years are short.

Have you struggled to create a morning routine? What challenges do you face? What strategies have worked for you?

What I Read This Month: October 2021

For four years now, every Monday morning, I've posted a photo on my Facebook Page of the books I finished during the week, with the tag #GretchenRubinReads.

I get a big kick out of this weekly habit—it’s a way to shine a spotlight on all the terrific books that I’ve read.

As I write about in my book Better Than Before, for most of my life, my habit was to finish any book that I started. Finally, I realized that this approach meant that I spent time reading books that bored me, and I had less time for books that I truly enjoy. These days, I put down a book if I don’t feel like finishing it, so I have more time to do my favorite kinds of reading.

This habit means that if you see a book included in the #GretchenRubinReads photo, you know that I liked it well enough to read to the last page.

When I read books related to an area I’m researching for a writing project, I carefully read and take notes on the parts that interest me, and skim the parts that don’t. So I may list a book that I’ve partly read and partly skimmed. For me, that still “counts.”

If you’d like more ideas for habits to help you get more reading done, read this post or download my "Reading Better Than Before" worksheet.

You can also follow me on Goodreads where I track books I’ve read.

If you want to see what I read last month, the full list is here.

And join us for this year's challenge: Read for 21 minutes every day in 2021!

A surprising number of people, I've found, want to read more. But for various reasons, they struggle to get that reading done. #Read21in21 is meant to help form and strengthen the habit of reading.

October 2021 Reading:

Sula by Toni Morrison (Amazon, Bookshop) -- A story of place, family, friendship—haunting.

A Conspiracy of Kings (Queen's Thief, 4) by Megan Whalen Turner (Amazon, Bookshop) -- I eagerly read my way through the "Queen's Thief" books (see below).

Thick as Thieves (Queen’s Thief, 5) by Megan Whalen Turner (Amazon, Bookshop) -- I'm very sad to reach the end of the books about this world. Attolia!

To Be Taught, If Fortunate by Becky Chambers (Amazon, Bookshop) -- Speaking of writers whose work I love, more Becky Chambers (see September's list).

Between the Acts by Virginia Woolf (Amazon, Bookshop) -- The final novel in my Summer of Virginia Woolf. Unlike her other novels, I'd never read it again after college, so it was interesting to revisit it.

See What I’m Saying: The Extraordinary Powers of Our Five Senses by  Lawrence D. Rosenblum (Amazon, Bookshop) -- An excellent book about the five senses.

Wayward: A Novel by Dana Spiotta (Amazon, Bookshop) -- A gripping novel about a life in transition—and a great portrait of Obliger-rebellion.

Real Estate: A Living Autobiography by Deborah Levy (Amazon, Bookshop) -- An interesting memoir about the author's reflections on transition, home, compromise.

Between Two Kingdoms: A Memoir of a Life Interrupted by Suleika Jaouad (Amazon, Bookshop) -- What the author learned from grappling with a life-threatening condition in her twenties.

The Last Graduate: A Novel (A Scholomance) by Naomi Novik (Amazon, Bookshop) -- I really admire Novik's work, so couldn't wait to get my hands on this novel. Excellent.

Eavesdropping: A Memoir of Blindness and Listening by Stephen Kuusisto (Amazon, Bookshop) -- A series of essays about the experience of losing sight. Fascinating.

A Perfect Spy: A Novel by John le Carré (Amazon, Bookshop) -- I don't usually read thrillers or spy novels, but this is a fascinating portrait of a character. It's one of those novels where your sense of reality changes from chapter to chapter.

The Naked Civil Servant by Quentin Crisp (Amazon, Bookshop) -- A thought-provoking memoir, and a portrait of the past.

Go Saddle the Sea by Joan Aiken (Amazon, Bookshop) -- A proper tale. So fun to read.

These Precious Days by Ann Patchett (Amazon, Bookshop) -- I love the work of Ann Patchett, both fiction and non-fiction, so I couldn't wait to read her latest collection of essays.

A Loss for Words: The Story of Deafness in a Family by Lou Ann Walker (Amazon, Bookshop) --

Cockeyed by Ryan Knighton (Amazon, Bookshop) --

Volume Control: Hearing in a Deafening World by David Owen (Amazon, Bookshop) --

Spotlight on the Memento Keepsake Journal

In my books The Happiness Project and Happier at Home, I wrote about my desire to hang onto happy memories, and in my book Outer Order, Inner Calm, I wrote about various methods I followed to save and curate mementos of happy memories.

This effort takes energy and time, but it's worth it—research shows that one of the best ways to make ourselves happier in the present is to remember happy times from the past.

When I was little, my grandparents gave me a small spiral-bound book School Years that was made of a set of 13 pockets, for kindergarten and grade 1-12. For each pocket, it suggested, you'd add your report card, class picture, mementos, and samples of reading, writing and math.

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By chance, the report cards of my school fit exactly in the pockets, so that was satisfying—but the pockets were too small to hold much.

For my own children, I set up a "file box." I put in a folder for each school year, and put in items such as their birthday invitations, our yearly holiday cards, some representative schoolwork, some photos, etc. (If you want to hear me talk about the file boxes, you can listen here.) I love these file boxes, but they weren't very well-designed for that purpose.

I wanted to create something with a better design—something that would hold more items, be visually appealing, space-efficient, and organized.

I wanted to create something flexible—that could be used for school mementos, travel mementos, project mementos, that could record "My 35th Year" or "2022"...and whatever else people could dream up.

So...here it is!

The Memento Keepsake Journal has twelve pockets, with pages where you can record the contents or make notes about an experience. The spiral binding is concealed, so it looks great from the side—if you want to tuck it onto a shelf—as well as from the front.

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So often, I find myself thinking, "I want to keep this memento, but where? What the heck should I do with it?" The decision fatigue can be draining, and that leads to clutter.

This journal makes it easy to preserve and organize mementos, and to create the outer order that contributes to inner calm.

To create the Memento Keepsake Journal, I worked with some brilliant minds on The Happiness Project team: Anne Mercogliano, Emy Joyeux, Lindsay Logan, and Hannah Wilson.

What strategies and tools do you use to hold onto important memories and mementos?

Spotlight on the Don’t Break the Chain Habit Tracker

In my long study of habits, I've been struck by the fact that to master our habits, no single tool works for everyone.

For instance, some people love a to-do list; some resist a to-do list. But while no tool works for everyone, some tools are very widely effective for many people.

One popular tool? A "don't-break-the-chain" tracker. For many people, the desire to keep a chain going is very powerful. We get on a streak, and we really don't want to break that streak.

When we're trying to create a good habit, starting is hard, and starting again is harder. So, if there's a habit we don't want to break, we should try never to stop. As William James emphasized in Psychology: Briefer Course:

In the acquisition of a new habit, or the leaving off of an old one, we must take care to launch ourselves with as strong and decided an initiative as possible…Never suffer an exception to occur till the new habit is securely rooted in your life. Each lapse is like the letting fall of a ball of string which one is carefully winding up; a single slip undoes more than a great many turns will wind again.

Keeping a don't-break-the-chain tracker is a way to avoid those "single slips."

It can be a nuisance to maintain this record, however. I've tried drawing a chart in a blank notebook, or printing out a PDF for each month, but those solutions were messy and disorganized.

So, to make it more convenient and more pleasant to track a "chain," I've created...the Don't Break the Chain Habit Tracker.

In this tracker, I incorporate several features help people them master their habits. It includes:

a place to identify the specific, concrete habit that you're trying to measure, and to clarify exactly why and how you're cultivating that habita place to check off every day in a month, to record whether you did or didn't do the habita place to identify which of the 21 Strategies for Habit Change you plan to use to help you stick to the habitgold-star stickers to celebrate milestones"pass" stickers if you want mindfully to give yourself a day offa place to record observations, insights, and accomplishments—for instance, if you're tracking the habit of "Read 21 minutes each day," in the Notes section, you could record the titles of book you've finished, or note that you're finding it easier to read print books than e-booksa place to record information "If useful," such as the titles of books you want to read, hikes that you'd like to explore, etc.a grid to help you visualize your habit patterns in a different way

This tracker isn't a mere utilitarian tool; it's beautiful, because it's meant to be a keepsake. A don't-break-the-chain tracker makes a wonderful record of the daily efforts we've made to be happier, healthier, more productive, or more creative.

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Also, the Don't Break the Chain Habit Tracker is designed to be useful for the Four Tendencies personality framework; each Tendency can use the tracker in the way that suits that Tendency.

Don't know your Tendency—whether you're an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel? Take the quiz here (more than 3.5 million people have taken it!).

The tracker suits each Tendency:

Upholders respond to outer and inner expectations. For them, it's helpful to articulate clearly the nature of those expectations. They also tend to love to check off boxes and to get a gold star. This tracker makes that easy.

Questioners tend to love to track and monitor, and they demand clarity. They're also very interested in spotting patterns as well as opportunities for customization and optimization. This tracker provides many ways to monitor and use that information.

Obligers respond to outer accountability. This tracker helps some Obligers feel like they need to report to their tracker itself; or they think about how their future-self will feel about the tracker being completed—or not; or they show the tracker to someone else, to check their progress.

Rebels respond to choice, freedom, and identity. This tracker can help them challenge themselves to a big aim (Rebels often love a challenge!) and to maintain the habits that are crucial to a key identity, such as "athletic," "artistic," "health-minded," or "loving." (Note: some Rebels would not enjoy this kind of tracker!)

Sometimes, when we're trying to form a habit, we search for a loophole to give ourselves an excuse to skip. There are ten categories of loopholes! One common loophole is the "One-Coin Loophole"—"What difference does it make if I break my habit this one time?" For people who often invoke this always-applicable loophole, the tracker highlights the value of maintaining a habit day after day.

As the enormously productive writer Anthony Trollope observed in his Autobiography (Amazon, Bookshop), "A small daily task, if it be really daily, will beat the labours of a spasmodic Hercules."

To create the Don't Break the Chain Habit Tracker, I worked with the brilliant minds on The Happiness Project team: Anne Mercogliano, Emy Joyeux, Lindsay Logan, and Hannah Wilson, with illustration by Ana Miminoshvili.

Have you used the don't-break-the-chain approach in the past? Was it useful?

Larry Smith: “My Favorite Social Situation—the Small, Rowdy Dinner Party—Tends to Be One That Doesn’t End in a Healthy Habit.”

Interview: Larry Smith

Larry Smith is an author and editor, founder of the best-selling book series Six-Word Memoirs, and its newest program, Six In Schools, a way for any teacher to make their own six-word classroom book. Since 2006, Larry has been asking a simple but brilliant question: Can you describe your life in six words?

Now he has a new book in the series: A Terrible, Horrible, No Good Year: Hundreds of Six-Word Stories on the Pandemic by Teachers, Students, and Parents:

The tenth book in the Six-Word Memoir series tells the story of a world we never expected to be in and can't stop talking about. Told through the lens of students, teachers, and parents around the world, A Terrible, Horrible, No Good Year offers hundreds of inspirational, playful, and profound takes on life during the pandemic.

I couldn't wait to talk to Larry about happiness, habits, and creativity.

Gretchen: What’s a simple activity or habit that consistently makes you happier, healthier, more productive, or more creative?

Larry: If I’m in a funk—mental, physical, or some combination of the two—my ideal funk-breaker is to go outside and throw a football to my son (age 10), often as he’s jumping on the trampoline and likely chattering away on about video games or The Simpsons as I sort of slide into a happy and meditative space. If the child and the trampoline aren’t available, I watch this video (and trust me—wait for it—it’s worth it).

What’s something you know now about happiness that you didn’t know when you were 18 years old?

I learned after many years that happiness and contentment are different states and that you need to work at both with the realization that there is no finish line.

You’ve done fascinating research. What has surprised or intrigued you—or your readers—most?

I’m not a researcher nor do I have a graduate degree in anything. But after reading more than a million Six-Word Memoirs on my site and hearing them from people at live events, conferences, and school workshops, I’ve learned these three things:

Teens tell the most stories as their inner lives seem to change by the hour. They’re also a generation that’s comfortable wearing their hopes and dreams, successes and struggles, and just about everything else on their sleeves.The 55+ community tends to share stories of lesson learned, keys to happiness (family and chocolate run neck and neck), and the occasional grumpy old gripe.GenXers, of which I am one, are trying to balance their own kids growing up (or moving back in), aging or missed parents, while pondering their bucket lists with still wide but often very tired eyes.

Have you ever managed to gain a challenging healthy habit—or to break an unhealthy habit? If so, how did you do it?

After years of doing yoga in fits and starts in the Bay Area and Brooklyn, it took moving to Columbus, Ohio to really make a yoga practice stick. I moved to this midwestern city in the dead of winter and knew about two people there and suddenly had more time. I starting going to a yoga studio near my house and experienced a sense of community there (among many other yoga studio, cafes, and public spaces in Columbus) and that community pulled me in. Yoga, powered by connection and community, became a joyful habit for my mind and body.

Would you describe yourself as an Upholder, a Questioner, a Rebel, or an Obliger?

A Questioner, and the quiz agreed.

Does anything tend to interfere with your ability to keep your healthy habits or your happiness?

My favorite social situation—the small, rowdy dinner party—tends to be one that doesn’t end in a healthy habit. Picture eight to ten people who don’t want to be anywhere else and can’t stop talking and laughing. What happens to me is that I forget to drink water between the drinks and (hopefully) ice cream; so that’s just a lot of bad sugar in the body before going to bed. Now when I find myself enjoying one of those nights I set an alert to go off every hour that pops up to remind me that what I need is “seltzer not sugar.” It sort of works.

Have you ever been hit by a lightning bolt, where you made a major change very suddenly, as a consequence of reading a book, a conversation with a friend, a milestone birthday, a health scare, etc.?

I’ve experienced a lot of flashes of lightning and at least one bolt. I was at a holiday party and one of the hosts was among my first friends to have a kid. I shared how much I had been enjoying my son, then ten months old, honestly more than I had expected during these first few Twilight Zone months of parenthood. "It's a great time in their life and yours,” he said. “But as they get older and discover iPads and malls and everything else it gets harder and harder to get their attention.” Then he locked in on me, reminded me to truly savor these years since—in said six words I’ll never forget—“All they want is your time.”

Is there a particular motto or saying that you’ve found very helpful?

“Trust the process”—a phrase that any Philadelphia sports fans knows all too well and one that I come back to often. Especially as I get older I have learned to trust myself, as well as other who have lead the way in different lanes, both personally and professionally.

One meaningful example: Working with a young Palestinian-Syrian-American woman named Sara Abou Rashed, together we created a one-woman play about her life. She had never acted. I had never directed anything longer than fifteen minutes. But we were lucky to find theater mentors who guided through the process. There were many moments when we felt like imposters; but we trusted the process and it worked.

Has a book ever changed your life—if so, which one and why?

The Odyssey (Amazon, Bookshop), and the Latin teacher who taught it so magically, was an eye-opening, soul-expanding experience for me. A couple decades later, I read The 4-Hour Work Week (Amazon, Bookshop) just to find out what the fuss was all about. Key takeaway, especially for my work: I don’t need to be in NYC to do it, and in fact by living and working in other parts of the world, my lens on the world of storytelling widened.

In your field, is there a common misconception that you’d like to correct?

Here’s what I hear a lot: Short-form platforms like Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, and Six-Word Memoirs are the death of storytelling. Of course, there’s lot of short-attention span theater in the world we live in now. But what I see is a golden age of new tools that make it easier for anyone to share a story, define their identity, and engage in the cultural narrative of their time. A great Six-Word Memoir isn’t “ADD” but in fact ADDeep. A good Six-Word Memoir such as “Son’s Autism broke and rebuilt me,” “My life made my therapist laugh,” or “Married by Elvis, divorced by Friday” leads to three more wonderful words for conversation and connection: Tell me more.

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Spotlight on the Know Yourself Better Journal

People often ask me, "What's the secret to happiness? If you had to choose one thing, what would you choose?"

Depending on your perspective, that question can be answered in a few different ways.

One answer is: Relationships. Contemporary scientists and ancient philosophers agree that to be happy, we need strong, enduring bonds to others.

Another answer is: Self-knowledge. As my Fifth Splendid Truth of Happiness holds, we can build happy lives only on the foundation of our own nature, our own interests, our own values, our own temperament. I've certainly found that to be true in my own case.

But it's so hard to know ourselves. You'd think, "Of course I know myself. I just hang out with myself all day long!" But in fact, it's easy to be distracted by the way we wish we were, or think we ought to be, or what others think we should be, until we lose sight of what's actually true. As Christopher Alexander observed:

It is hard, so terribly hard, to please yourself. Far from being the easy thing that it sounds like, it is almost the hardest thing in the world, because we are not always comfortable with that true self that lies deep within us.

The Nature of Order, Book Four: The Luminous Ground

So how do we boost our self-knowledge?

One way is by asking ourselves questions. A shrewd question can kick up unexpected insights, and often points the way toward useful change.

For instance, a friend told me, "My doctor asked me if I wore sunscreen, and I said I did, even though I almost never do." When we lie, we show that in some way, our actions don't reflect our values. And that's a very, very useful thing to observe.

Also, an astute question can help us notice an overlooked pattern or characteristic about ourselves.

This strategy—asking ourselves questions—is so effective, and so important for happiness, that on the Happier with Gretchen Rubin podcast, one of our recurring segments is "Know Yourself Better."

I've been talking to people about happiness and self-knowledge for years, so I knew that many people want to gain greater self-knowledge, but need direction.

To meet this need, allow me to present...the Know Yourself Better Journal!

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This journal is made for people who want more self-insight, but need more direction than a blank page. It offers questions and distinctions meant to help you achieve deeper understanding—and discover ways you might make your life a little happier.

For instance...

Identifying the times of day you feel most productive may encourage you to re-think when you schedule certain activities. You've been trying to go for a run early in the morning, when actually you feel most energetic in the mid-afternoon.Reflecting on what you did for fun when you were ten years old might inspire you to pick up a new hobby. You spent every free afternoon exploring the woods when you were a child, but now you don't spend any time in nature.Describing your perfect day could highlight ways to make today a little happier.

This journal is useful, and it's also gorgeous; I wanted it to be pleasing to write in; beautiful tools make work a joy. Also, it's beautiful so that as an object, it can be a real keepsake item, as a record (and time capsule) of self-reflection.

So many people—including me—have the urge to keep a journal of some kind, but just don't have the time or energy to write for pages each day. The Know Yourself Better Journal is a way to scratch that itch, but in a directed, manageable way.

To create the Know Yourself Better Journal, I worked with some brilliant minds on The Happiness Project team: Hannah Wilson, Emy Joyeux, Anne Mercogliano,  and Lindsay Logan, with illustration by Ana Miminoshvili.

Here's a question for you: What questions would you add to this journal, to help yourself know yourself better? It's such an important, and elusive, aim.

Bernie Krause: “Rid Yourself of the Noise in Your Life. You’ll Feel Better.”

Interview: Bernie Krause.

Bernie Krause is a musician and a naturalist. During the 1950s and 60s, he devoted himself to music and replaced Pete Seeger as the guitarist for the Weavers. Along with his music partner, Paul Beaver, he introduced the Moog synthesizer to pop music and film. They performed on over 135 major film scores along with artists such as George Harrison, Van Morrison, and The Doors. For more than forty years, Krause has traveled the world recording and archiving the sounds of over 15,000 species, from creatures and environments. He's the author of The Great Animal Orchestra (Amazon, Bookshop) and his new book, The Power of Tranquility in a Very Noisy World (Amazon, Bookshop).

Especially because I have a deep love for silence, I couldn't wait to talk to Bernie about habits, happiness, and the sense of hearing.

Gretchen: What’s a simple activity or habit that consistently makes you happier, healthier, more productive, or more creative?

Bernie: Saddled with a terrible case of ADHD, the only remedy that’s worked for me over the past 5 decades is heading off into some wild habitat and listening to natural soundscapes, the magical atavistic resonances that those environments provide. They are calming. They are restorative. And they’re life-affirming and energizing—all at the same time.

What’s something you know now about happiness that you didn’t know when you were 18 years old?

Even if the answer was singular, it would take too long to express here. But, whatever it is, the answer lies in the conundrum: It’s not so much what we choose to do that makes a difference and leads one to a feeling of happiness. It’s what we choose not to do.

You’ve done fascinating research. What has surprised or intrigued you—or your readers—most?

The most surprising discovery was that it’s the animals who taught us to dance and sing. That we learned melody, rhythm, and the organization of sound (composition)—from the animal world, not from music courses in school or with private tutors. And mainly, it’s from natural soundscapes—those biophonies—that we have begun to re-discover ancient ways to heal from the stresses and anxiety that we’ve let into our lives. Take your choice.

Rid yourself of the noise in your life. You’ll feel better. Learn to welcome the might of peacefulness. In my new book, The Power of Tranquility in a Very Noisy World, I address all of these issues in great detail.

Have you ever managed to gain a challenging healthy habit – or to break an unhealthy habit? If so, how did you do it?

I learned to be quiet and simply listen—especially in natural (or wild) settings. Those are the most healing and spiritual acoustic signals I know of. To me, those are the most sacred spaces of all.

Would you describe yourself as an Upholder, a Questioner, a Rebel, or an Obliger?

None of the above. Having learned to thrive with some measure of balance with the rest of the living world, I’ve left the world of fierce human ambition and compartmentalizing far behind and try to just be a good listener, a quiet person—one who has no need to generate much noise about my presence.

Does anything tend to interfere with your ability to keep your healthy habits or your happiness? (e.g. travel, parties, email)

Noise. It’s distracting and profoundly unhealthful. (Noise, or chaotic or incoherent signals in whatever medium, provides no useful information. Only interference. When present, our brains exhaust themselves trying to sort out the fragmented, meaningless signals from those that are life-affirming.)

Have you ever been hit by a lightning bolt, where you made a major change very suddenly, as a consequence of reading a book, a conversation with a friend, a milestone birthday, a health scare, etc.?

Yes. The first Warner Brothers album (1968-1970) my late music partner, Paul Beaver, and I were asked to do, was titled In a Wild Sanctuary. It was the first music album on the theme of ecology and, also the first to incorporate natural soundscapes as a component of the orchestration. It meant that I had to go into the woods, somewhere, to record. I was terrified but wanted to get over my fear of the wild. The moment I switched on the recorder and heard the awesome beauty of the natural world in my headphones on that warm October afternoon some 53 years ago the trajectory of my life changed. In an instant, I made the determination to follow that path for the rest of my time on this planet. To me, it was my first experience hearing the true voice of the divine.

Is there a particular motto or saying that you’ve found very helpful? Or a quotation that has struck you as particularly insightful?

Lots of aphorisms.

“I stand for what I stand on.” (Ed Abbey)“The further we draw away from the natural world, the more pathological we become as a culture. Don’t believe that? Just watch the news, or Facebook, or Instagram, or Twitter, or Snapchat, etc.”“Who speaks of victory? To endure is everything.” (Friedrich Nietzsche paraphrase)“While a picture is worth a thousand words, a natural soundscape is worth a thousand pictures.”“The quieter we are on the outside, the more peaceful we become inside.”“The future belongs to those who can hear it coming.” (David Bowie paraphrase)

Has a book ever changed your life—if so, which one and why?

Four books, actually: Rachael Carson’s Silent Spring (Amazon, Bookshop), Paul Shepard’s The Others: How Animals Made Us Human (Amazon, Bookshop), R. Murray Schafer’s Tuning of the World (Amazon), and Margaret Atwood’s Oryx & Crake (Amazon, Bookshop).

All four (and many, many others) emphasize our humble place within a universe of living organisms. They reflect on what we do to embrace life, and caution us about the devastating course we’re on to completely obliterate it.

In your field, is there a common misconception that you’d like to correct?

No. When most wisdom-seeking folks get into their 9th decade, hopefully they’ve learned that they pretty much need to stop correcting and expend whatever energies he/she/it/they/them have left by figuring out what not to do.

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Rachel Herz: “I Created the Illusion of a Completely Different Scent…with Words Alone.”

Interview:  Rachel Herz

Dr. Rachel Herz is a neuroscientist and leading world expert on the psychological science of smell. She has been conducting research on the sense of smell, emotion, perception, motivated behavior and cognition since 1990. She is a TEDx speaker, has published over 85 original research papers, received numerous awards and grants, and co-authored scholarly handbooks. She is also on the faculty at Brown University and Boston College.

Her books include The Scent of Desire: Discovering Our Enigmatic Sense of Smell (Amazon, Bookshop), That's Disgusting: Unraveling the Mysteries of Repulsion (Amazon, Bookshop), and most recently, Why You Eat What You Eat: The Science Behind Our Relationship with Food (Amazon, Bookshop).

Because of my interest in the five senses, I've read each of those books—they all dive into subjects that fascinate me—and I couldn't wait to talk to Rachel about happiness, good habits, and the five senses.

Gretchen: What’s a simple activity or habit that consistently makes you happier, healthier, more productive, or more creative?

Rachel: Walking outdoors always makes me feel better. I am lucky to live in an area with lots of pretty houses, water, and woods, though the absence of sidewalks and the presence of speeding cars means that getting completely lost in a reverie can be treacherous. Nevertheless, walking for at least 20 minutes with the fresh air on my face and letting my thoughts wander invariably answers the moment’s need, whether it be trying to feel a little happier and healthier, finding inspiration for writing creatively, or solving a scientific problem. 

What’s something you know now about happiness that you didn’t know when you were 18 years old?

I have learned over time to trust that things will get better with time. In my mid-30s I read Alistair MacLeod’s wonderful book No Great Mischief (Amazon, Bookshop) and a phrase of wisdom that has stuck with me ever since and that I have found to be surprisingly true is (and I paraphrase) that everything gets better with time, except a pebble in your shoe. Trusting that no matter how bad things seem, the pain/confusion/anxiety/sadness will eventually lessen, and that I can say “at least X… isn’t also happening” makes the current ordeal a little less upsetting and distressing, and reassures me that I will be happy again.

You’ve done fascinating research. What has surprised or intrigued you – or your readers – most? 

My favorite experimental result, because it was so surprising, easy to observe, and has had a big impact in my field, is that language can create illusions in our perception of scents. In my original experiment, I used five “ambiguous” scents— scents that could potentially be more than one thing, and have both negative and positive possible connotations—and I presented these scents to people with opposing labels such as “parmesan cheese” or “vomit.” Participants in the experiment sniffed at white cotton that had taken on the odor of the various mixtures that represented the ambiguous scents (there was never a “real thing”), and then responded to the scent they thought they were smelling. First, perhaps not so surprisingly, people said they would do entirely different things with what they were sniffing as a function of the label I had supplied, such as “eat it” or “run out of the room” and that they “loved” or “hated” what they were smelling because of the label. But most intriguingly, almost no one would believe me when I told them that they were smelling the exact same scent in each instance. Nearly everyone said that there was “no way” they could be smelling the same scent. But it was exactly the same. All I had done was change the way I described it. Like a magician with words in my hat instead of a bunny I had created the illusion of a completely different scent, and I had done it with words alone.

Would you describe yourself as an Upholder, a Questioner, a Rebel, or an Obliger?

I just took the quiz and I’m a “Questioner.” I didn’t know anything about the quiz before I took it, and I’m happy to get this result. I believe it to be true and it makes sense with my being a scientist.

Does anything tend to interfere with your ability to keep your healthy habits or your happiness? (e.g. travel, parties, email)

Traveling is the worst for me in terms of keeping healthy habits. Whether for work or pleasure my exercise routine usually ceases and my eating routine becomes totally hedonistic when I am away from home. Fortunately, my excursions usually don’t last longer than a week. Also, and I think this is important, I can appreciate the pleasure that I’m experiencing during my reckless abandon, and know that when I return I will get back to stricter self-care. This in itself is mindful, which is a healthy approach. The difficulties can come in when travel is longer than a week. If this is the case, I find it much harder to revert to healthier ways, especially vigorous exercise, and really have to force myself back into a healthy routine.

Has a book ever changed your life – if so, which one and why?

The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera (Amazon, Bookshop) had a pivotal and profound impact on me when I first read it and even more so when I re-read it. It inspired in me a fundamental philosophy of life and gave me a cosmic understanding of my connection to the universe, which has made me feel less ultimately alone and finite—and thus happier.

In your field, is there a common misconception that you’d like to correct?

I really want people to know that when we talk about how food “tastes,” we almost always mean “flavor”, and flavor comes from our nose, not our tongue. We say “taste” because the food is in our mouth, but what is primarily producing the exquisite sensation from eating a fresh peach is coming from our nose. What we perceive through our sense of taste is just salt, sour, sweet, bitter (and if you want to include it) umami. Everything else we perceive when we eat is due to aroma, which gets to our nose through a small opening at the back of our mouth. The flavor of bacon is due to the aroma of bacon when we’re munching on a strip. The taste of bacon is just salt. Likewise, the flavor of a peach is due to its aroma—the taste is simply sweet with a touch of sour bite. You probably already know this if you’ve ever been really congested while eating and find that food “tastes” like nothing. This is because your nose is blocked and the aroma molecules from the soufflé in your mouth can’t get to your nose. This is why people who have lost their sense of smell have great difficulties with food experiences. Ultimately it is our brain that makes flavor. Our brain knits together the sensations of smell from our nose and taste on our tongue and produces our experience of food flavor. 

I want to shine a spotlight on anything that you’d particularly like to bring to readers’ attention.

When you’re not in state of physical hunger, the simplest, most useful thing I learned while working on my most recent book Why You Eat What You Eat is that to have a happier and healthier relationship with food, all you need to do is balance the equation of: pleasure from eating something indulgent with the outcome you want to avoid. So, for example, with every bite of decadent chocolate cake I ask myself: “is the pleasure ‘in’ worth (or worthy of) the consequence ‘out’?” For the first several bites the answer is invariably “yes,” but as I continue to eat the balance begins to tip negatively and when it does, I stop. By engaging in this brief self-questioning we are more in the moment and thus getting more from the experience of the delicious food. Most importantly, we are able to eat anything we want and we learn to trust ourselves that we won’t have regrets. [From Gretchen: Spoken like a true Moderator!]

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Want to Boost Your Happiness? Learn Something New.

In my study of happiness, I've labored to identify its fundamental principles, and when I started, I remember asking myself over and over, "I want to make my life happier, but how do I even think about that aim?"

After a lot of work and revision, I figured out a framework: To be happier, we need to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.

Feeling good: do more of what brings us joy, love, fun, connection, awe, interestFeeling bad: do less of what brings us anger, resentment, guilt, boredom, irritationFeeling right: ensure that our lives reflect our valuesIn an atmosphere of growth: this one took me much longer to identify!

To feel happy, we need to feel growth—a sense of learning, of betterment, of advancement, of mastery, of contributing to the growth of others, of fixing things, improving things, making things better, assuming responsibilities.

Growth helps to explain the happiness brought by children, by gardens, by pay raises, by stamp collections, by training for a marathon or cleaning out the garage or volunteering to get the finances organized at a local non-profit.

And a key version of the "atmosphere of growth" is learning. We get such a happiness boost from learning.

Over and over, people tell me about the energy, satisfaction, and joy they've found in learning: Spanish, the guitar, bird identification, CPR training, podcasting, starting a side hustle...the list goes on and on.

One happiness-boosting way to learn is to identify something you already love (Italian food, the TV show The Wire, the writing of Virginia Woolf, tennis) and learn more about it—how to understand it better or how to do it yourself. The more we bring to something, the more we get from it.

When you're ready to learn, you might read articles or books, watch documentaries, take a class, watch YouTube videos, get a friend, neighbor, family member or co-worker to teach you...once you decide you want to learn, there are so many sources of information. And, as the saying goes, "When the student is ready, the teacher appears."

There is such happiness in learning, and the atmosphere of growth also explains the joy of teaching. To help someone learn, grow, develop useful skills, improve, hone mastery, develop potential—it's tremendously exciting. Both student and teacher participate in an atmosphere of growth.

Of course, learning and teaching can also involve feelings of frustration, insecurity, boredom, impatience, and anger. Happiness doesn't always make us feel happy; that is, what makes us happier over the course of our lives, and gives us the satisfaction of creating the life we want, doesn't always make us happier in the moment. Sometimes, to be happier, we have to deprive ourselves, or demand a lot from ourselves.

"To be happier, you have to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth" has become the first of my Eight Splendid Truths of Happiness.

Have you boosted your happiness by learning—or by teaching? I'd be very interested to hear about your experience.

I'll be sharing more thoughts like these over at my new website, the-happiness-project.com. Head to the Thoughts on Happiness section fo find insights and observations about happiness and good habits. You can also join the mailing list here to to receive updates, tips, promotions, and exclusive content.

Spotlight on the One-Sentence Journal

For more than a decade, I've been reading, writing, and talking to people about a big question: Can we make ourselves happier, and if so, how?

I'm my own guinea pig, and I do a lot of experiments to see if a certain habit, tool, or strategy can boost my happiness.

Along the way, I've created new tools for myself, to achieve an aim in a way that's right for me.

One such tool? My one-sentence journal.

When I was working on my book The Happiness Project, I realized that I had a strong urge to keep a journal—but realistically, I wouldn't keep a daily journal. I knew this truth about myself, and it frustrated me, because for a long time, I’d been alarmed by how little I remembered about my own past. In particular, because one of my resolutions is to “Appreciate this time of life,” I felt the impulse to keep a record of the pattern of my days so I’d remember this time of life later.

So I turned a plain notebook into my "One-Sentence Journal."

I love reading the long, thoughtful journal entries of writers like Virginia Woolf and Thomas Merton, but I knew I wouldn't write at that length. But one sentence? One sentence I could do. I often remind myself of that line from Voltaire: "Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good." The single sentence I did write is better than the three pages I didn't write.

Because it was manageable, a one-sentence journal didn't feel like a burden.

After I wrote about this idea in The Happiness Project, I heard from many people were inspired to start their own one-sentence journals—and they used this easy, quick approach in many ways. For instance, people reported that they used their journal to...

record the funny or sweet things that their children did every daytrack the progress of a new businesstake notes on a course of chemotherapyuse as a gratitude journalrecord notes about creative inspirationsuse as a travel or food journalrecord a child's progress, with the intent to give the journal to the child one daywrite down the most notable occurrence from the day (most like a traditional journal)

I recently heard from someone who keeps her one-sentence journal with her children. Each night, as part of their bedtime routine, they decide what to record from the day—a lovely tradition.

Keeping this kind of journal boosts happiness in many ways. It can help to keep happy memories vivid. It can help us spot patterns and celebrate progress. It can be a record to boost our memories in the future, or to pass along to others. It can help us make sense of tough times and big challenges.

It can remind us to be present in the present. This desire is a major theme in my life! Ask me about my Album of Now!

Because I've learned that writing one sentence a day is an approach that works as a happiness-booster for many people, I've created a new, gorgeous design for a One-Sentence Journal.

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You fill in the date, so you can start your year at any time: January 1, your birthday, the first day of a big undertaking—or whenever you happen to get your journal. When it comes to making ourselves happier, the best time to start is now.

I'd love to hear more examples of how people have used their one-sentence journals. We can all learn from each other.

If you'd like to start a one-sentence journal yourself—or give as a gift—click here.

We're all looking for new tools to add to our happiness tool-kits, to make our lives happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative. I hope you find the One-Sentence Journal to be a useful addition.