Gretchen Rubin's Blog, page 21

5 Ways to Make New Year’s Resolutions More Attainable—and More Fun.

January 1 isn't far away, and that means we're in the season for New Year's resolutions.

People often ask me, "Is it a good idea to make New Year's resolutions?"

The fact is, there's no one-size-fits-all solution for happiness and good habits. If January 1 feels like an auspicious day to begin, embrace it. If not, don't.

I'm a big fan of any reminder to stop, reflect, and consider what changes could make our lives happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative—whether that prompt comes from the new year, a milestone birthday, an important anniversary, a birth, a death, a move, a new job, or anything else.

That said, many people make New Year's resolutions, and many people get discouraged when they fail to keep their New Year's resolutions.

As an Upholder (see #5), personally I love New Year's resolutions, but for the many people who don't love them, or for people who'd like to try something new, there are many creative ways to approach the "clean slate" of the new year.

1. Choose a one-word theme for 2022. Choose one word, or a short phrase, to sum up what you want to focus on for the new year. When we distill our aims into a single word or phrase, it's easier to remember—and to take action.

In the past, I've picked words and phrases like "Upgrade," "Bigger," "Lighten Up," "Re-purpose," "Open." I've heard of themes such as "Dolphin," "Green," "Energize," "Free," "Sunshine," and "#6."

Then spend some time thinking about all the ways that you could put your theme to work in the new year.

I find it helpful to keep a notecard with my one-word theme tacked onto my cork board; I see it every day, so it stays fresh in my mind.

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2. Write a "22 for 2022" list. Write a list of 22 things you'd like to get done in the new year. They can be big or small, enjoyable or challenging. I usually include a few whimsical items, too. (Download a free PDF to track your progress.)

I've made these lists for the past few years, and they've included items ranging from "Try cryotherapy" to "Work on my aphorism book" to "Watch Mad Men" to "Visit the Metropolitan Museum every day."

You can also have fun with the number, such as "Try 22 new hikes in 2022." I plan to "Delegate 22 tasks in 2022." (I'm not very good at delegating.)

I've never managed to cross off every item on my yearly list, but I've made more progress than I would've made without the list.

3. Do ___ for 22 minutes each day in 2022. For the past few years, on the Happier with Gretchen Rubin podcast, my sister Elizabeth and I have challenged listeners to join us for a challenge tied to the year: “Walk 20 minutes a day in 2020” and “Read 21 minutes a day in 2021.” We’ve heard from so many people about the great gains they've made from these short daily challenges.

We’ll announce our 2022 challenge soon, but you could set yourself your own daily challenge. "Speak Italian for 22 minutes a day in 2022" or "Write in my journal for 22 minutes a day in 2022."

4. Frame an abstract resolution as a concrete action. We often make resolutions that are fairly abstract, but resolutions such as “Be more optimistic,” “Find more joy in life,” or "Eat more healthfully," are hard to measure and therefore difficult to keep.

Instead, we do better when we identify a specific, measurable action that we want to do. “When I feel blue, listen to one of my favorite upbeat songs," “Watch a classic movie every Sunday night," or "No fast food" are concrete resolutions that will carry you toward abstract goals.

It's important that an aim be concrete and measurable, because we manage what we measure. That's why the Strategy of Monitoring is one of the most powerful of the 21 strategies of habit change.

5. Consider whether you're an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel. My "Four Tendencies" personality framework can help you figure out the best way to set a new year's resolution in the way that's right for you.

Don't know your Tendency? Take the free, quick quiz here—more than 3.5 million people have taken this quiz.

If you want to keep a resolution—for the New Year, or at any other time—knowing your Tendency can help you stick to it.

For instance, if you're an Obliger, spending time focusing on justifications won't help. If you're a Rebel, signing up for a class probably won't work. If you're a Questioner, you're not going to follow someone else's program without questions.

Because your Tendency plays such a big role in determining how to set yourself up for success, in my new app, the Happier app, you take a quick quiz to determine your Tendency as soon as you join. Once the app knows your Tendency, it suggests the tool that tends to work best for your Tendency. (You can choose any tool you want, but it suggests one that's likely to work well.) The Happier app is designed to help you keep the habits and resolutions that will make you happier.

You can also read more about the Tendencies and New Year's resolutions here.

Bonus: If you're like me, you read a book to put yourself in a frame of mind. If you want a book to help get yourself energized for the new year, consider these...

Want to be happier? Try The Happiness Project Want to make or break a habit? Try Better Than Before Want to understand your Tendency? Try The Four Tendencies Want to clear, clean, and organize your surroundings? Try Outer Order, Inner Calm Want to make your home a more happy and serene place? Try Happier at Home

Catherine Price: “Far from Being Frivolous, Fun is Actually Essential for a Happy, Healthy, Well Lived Life.”

Interview: Catherine Price

Catherine Price is a science journalist, speaker, consultant, and the author of books including How to Break Up With Your Phone: The 30-Day Plan to Take Back Your Life (Amazon, Bookshop) and Vitamania: How Vitamins Revolutionized the Way We Think About Food (Amazon, Bookshop).

Her new book hits shelves next week: The Power of Fun: How to Feel Alive Again (Amazon, Bookshop).

I couldn't wait to talk to Catherine about habits, happiness, and fun.

Gretchen: What’s a simple activity or habit that consistently makes you happier, healthier, more productive, or more creative?

Catherine: It might sound counterintuitive, given how little serious attention we devote to it, but I’ve found that the best way to make myself happier, healthier, more productive and more creative—not to mention more resilient—is to prioritize fun.

The connection between happiness and fun is particularly interesting to me. As you well know, we all want to be happier, but happiness can feel like an elusive, nebulous goal. What I’ve come to realize is that when we are having fun, we are invariably happy. That means that the path to long-term happiness is actually quite simple: we need to provide ourselves with more opportunities for fun.

We use the word all the time, but what is the definition of “fun”? And why do you draw a distinction between what you call “True Fun,” and what you call “Fake Fun”?

One of the most fascinating parts about writing my new book, The Power of Fun, was the realization that, despite how often we use the word in our everyday speech, there actually is not a great agreed upon definition of “fun.”

I realized that it obviously would be impossible to write a book about fun without defining the word, so I set out to create a working definition, based on my previous writing and research into fields including happiness and positive psychology. In order to test my definition, I also recruited a “Fun Squad”—a group of over a thousand people who agreed to answer questions about fun and to share personal anecdotes. The Fun Squad members confirmed that my proposed definition described their own experiences.

So here’s the definition: fun is the confluence of playfulness, connection and flow. By “playful,” I mean that you must have a lighthearted attitude and not care too much about the ultimate outcome of what you’re doing. Connection means feeling, well, connected with someone else (it’s possible to have fun alone, but in the vast majority of instances, another person or creature is involved). And flow is a psychological state in which you’re so actively immersed and engaged in your present experience that you lose track of time—think of an athlete in the midst of a game.

I decided to refer to it as True Fun to distinguish it from its evil alter ego: Fake Fun. I came up with the term “fake fun” to describe activities that are marketed to us as fun—and that may indeed result in an initial jolt of pleasure, thanks to their ability to trigger the release of dopamine—but that ultimately leave us feeling dead inside. Social media is one of the most common examples of fake fun; others include binge-watching television till your eyes glaze over, excessive gaming, or shopping for things you don’t need (and can’t afford).

If we want to have more fun—and reap its benefits—we need to be able to distinguish fun that’s real from “fun” that’s fake, so that we can better allocate our time.

How can we have more fun? 

The first step is to notice moments of playfulness, connection and flow that are already occurring so that you can appreciate them—many of us are already having more micro-moments of fun than we realize.

Next, I encourage people to reflect back on past experiences from their lives that they would describe as having been truly fun—moments in which they felt joyfully alive—and to ask themselves what activities, settings and people pop up as recurring themes. These fun-generating activities, settings, and people are what I refer to as “fun magnets”—each of us has a collection that is unique to us—and once you know what yours are, you can up your chances for fun by making space for your fun magnets on your schedule.

For example, playing music with friends is a powerful fun magnet for me (I play piano and guitar, and am learning drums). I know that if I want to have more fun, I should make space in my schedule to play music with friends. Will the amount of fun that’s produced always be the same? No—fun is an emotional experience, and can vary in intensity, even if you’re doing the same thing with the same people. But the more often I put myself in situations that are likely to attract fun for me personally, the more likely I am to have fun—and the happier I’m likely to be.

Those are the basics, but for more information, the second half of my book lays out a step-by-step plan.

What’s something you know now about happiness that you didn’t know when you were 18 years old?

That the secret to long-lasting happiness is the everyday pursuit of fun! Also, that self-criticism is kryptonite to fun, as well as happiness. So maybe go easier on yourself.

You’ve done fascinating research. What has surprised or intrigued you – or your readers – most?

Many people think that fun is that it’s frivolous, something that we don’t have room for in our adult lives. But I’ve found that far from being frivolous, fun is absolutely essential for our mental and physical health. The more I investigated fun’s effects, the more surprised and amazed I became.

For example, if you look at the scientific research behind each of the three elements of True Fun—namely, playfulness, connection and flow—you will find ample evidence of how these three states reduce stress levels, increase social bonding, and amplify our self-esteem and sense of meaning and purpose.

Anything that reduces our stress levels will also reduce cortisol, a stress hormone that is absolutely essential when we are trying to respond to and survive acute physical threats, but that is very bad for us when its levels remain elevated over time.

If you look at how cortisol helps us survive, it’s easy to see why it might not be good for its levels to be chronically high. For example: cortisol increases our heart rates, blood pressure, and blood glucose levels, all of which are great if you’re about to sprint, but are not great for long-term health. This explains why chronically elevated cortisol levels have been shown to increase our risks for everything from heart disease, heart attack and stroke to type 2 diabetes and obesity—and even dementia and cancer.

In other words, anything that stresses us out consistently over time (such as the hypervigilance encouraged by our devices!) is bad for our long-term health.

Anything that reduces stress—which playfulness, connection and flow have all been shown to do—is very good for our long-term health. The more True Fun we experience, the healthier we are likely to be—and the longer we are likely to live.

Have you ever managed to gain a challenging healthy habit – or to break an unhealthy habit? If so, how did you do it?

I used to spend way too much time staring at my phone. I changed this habit by taking a step back and asking myself what I, Catherine, wanted to spend my time on. Once I had that intention in mind, it became much easier to change my habits, because I realized that wasting my time on my phone was not how I wanted to spend my life.

I have also found that turning my personal issues into professional projects is an excellent way to hold myself accountable. I wrote a book called How to Break Up With Your Phone—and let me tell you, once people think of you as “that phone lady,” there is a lot of pressure not to be caught on your phone!

Would you describe yourself as an Upholder, a Questioner, a Rebel, or an Obliger?

I am definitely a Questioner. I am unable to accept things at face value, which I like to think of as a helpful trait, but which I also recognize can be annoying.

Speaking of personalities, I have a question to ask you: what’s your Fun Personality Type? (You can find out at HowToHaveFun.com; I’m a Fun Organizer.) [Gretchen: I'm a "Fun Seeker."]

Does anything tend to interfere with your ability to keep your healthy habits or your happiness? (e.g. travel, parties, email)

Email definitely interferes with my ability to keep my healthy habits. Like many people, I have a compulsive desire to reach “inbox zero” (which, let’s be honest, is a dumb goal to begin with—and will never happen). So I’ve done a lot of work to reduce the amount of time I spend on email and the number of messages that I send and receive. (In fact, I even designed a course to help other people “break up” with their email, too.)

Also, are there really people out there for whom parties interfere with their habits and happiness? I wish that were the case for me. I can’t remember the last time I was invited to a party. (Do they still happen?)

Have you ever been hit by a lightning bolt, where you made a major change very suddenly, as a consequence of reading a book, a conversation with a friend, a milestone birthday, a health scare, etc.?

When I wrote How to Break Up With Your Phone, my fundamental takeaway was that our lives are what we pay attention to. Writing it made me much, much more intentional about how I spend my time.

I realized, during an existential moment on my couch, that my dysfunctional relationship with my phone had made me lose sight of my own answer to that question; without the distractions of my devices, I couldn’t think of anything that I wanted to do with my free time.

So I asked myself the same question I had asked the people who helped me in my research for How to Break Up With Your Phone: what’s something you always say you want to do but supposedly don’t have time for? My answer to that question was, “Learn to play the guitar.” I ended up signing for a class for adult beginners—and the experience has changed my life.

I’ve developed a new skill, sure. But more importantly, I’ve connected with a group of people whose only purpose, when we come together, is to play. The feeling I got from my guitar class was (and is!) magical, and I came to realize that the best word to describe the euphoria it produces is fun. It felt amazing, and I wanted more of it. So, being me, I decided to write a book about it.

The connection between my two books, therefore, is straightforward: once you spend less time on your phone, you end up, unsurprisingly, with more free time—time that we can spend on things we truly enjoy. I’ve come to conclude that the thing that brings me the most meaning and joy is fun—or, more specifically, what I call “True Fun,” which I define as the magical confluence of playfulness, connection and flow. When I am having True Fun, I feel alive. And I want other people to experience this magic for themselves.

Is there a particular motto or saying that you’ve found very helpful?

When I was writing How to Break Up With Your Phone, the guiding motto that kept coming to mind was “our lives are what we pay attention to.” In other words, we only experience what we pay attention to; we only remember what we pay attention to. That means that every time we make a decision in the moment about how to spend our attention, we’re really making a much bigger decision about how we want to spend our lives. I now use “Our lives are what we pay attention to” to guide my everyday decisions—in fact, I even have a bracelet on my wrist that says, “Pay Attention.”

But what I came to realize when writing  The Power of Fun is that acknowledging the value of our attention is really only the first step. The next challenge is to figure out what we want to spend our attention on. In other words, what brings you the most meaning and joy? What makes you feel alive? So now, in addition to reminding myself to pay attention, I also regularly ask myself, “What do I want to pay attention to?”

I’ve decided that I want to pay more attention to opportunities for true fun—and my life and relationships have dramatically changed for the better as a result.

Has a book ever changed your life—if so, which one and why?

A lot of books have changed my life. At the moment, the first that comes to mind is anything by David Sedaris. His writing really encouraged me to embrace my own tendencies to seek—and appreciate—moments of absurdity in everyday life.

In your field, is there a common misconception that you’d like to correct?

Most people think of fun as being frivolous, if they think of it at all. But what I’ve found is that the opposite is true. Far from being frivolous, fun is actually essential for a happy, healthy, well-lived life.

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The Happiness of Doing Something Creative—Like Coining a New Word

One way to give ourselves a boost of happiness is to work on something creative.

We might make progress on a huge project—like writing a novel or writing a song—or we might give ourselves a small assignment we can tackle quickly.

Research suggests that undertaking small acts of everyday creativity can boost our sense of well-being.

On the Happier with Gretchen Rubin podcast, Elizabeth and I have suggested many ideas for getting a quick hit of creative accomplishment: write a haiku; choose a one-word theme for the year; and write a six-word memoir. Right now, I'm working on a collection of aphorisms—what joy it brings me to write an aphorism!

Along those lines, I set myself the task of creating new words for emotions and situations I've experienced.

I came up with several neologisms:

Querylous – the feeling of annoyance created when someone refuses to give you straight answers to reasonable questions. (I often feel querylous because my husband Jamie is a Questioner who, like many Questioners, resists answering questions—ironic, but true.)Replecity – the terrific feeling of being fully charged or filled up, as when your smartphone and earbuds are fully charged, your gas tank is full, your printer has a fresh ream of paper, your pantry is well-stocked, your laundry is clean and put away.HALified – the feeling of dread created when your smart-phone, smart-speaker, or other device lights up, speaks, or takes actions unprompted.Starlucks: the joy of walking into a coffee shop and discovering that you’re the only person in line.Litaddled: the feeling of frustration created when someone asks you what you’ve been reading lately, and you can’t remember a single title.

I had so much fun coming up with these words.

What neologisms can you dream up? And do you have other suggestions for ways to get a quick boost of creativity?

Working on a big project is enormously satisfying, but it's also very gratifying to tackle something small.

David Nurse: “It’s Not About Introspection. It’s About Teamtrospection.”

Interview:  David Nurse

As a former professional basketball player and coach for the Brooklyn Nets, David has helped NBA players with their development on court and with their lives off court.

His first book was Pivot & Go: The 29-Day Blueprint to Redefine and Achieve YOUR Success (Amazon, Bookshop). Now he has a new book that just hit the shelves: Breakthrough: A Sure-Fire Guide to Realizing Your Potential Through Limitations, and Achieving Things You Didn’t Know Were Possible (Amazon, Bookshop).

I couldn't wait to talk to David about happiness, habits, and productivity.

Gretchen: What’s a simple activity or habit that consistently makes you happier, healthier, more productive, or more creative?

David: Everyday, I stand in front of the fogged up mirror after a shower and wipe away my self doubt. I call it “the mirror of self doubt.” We all have self doubt, but it’s purely a lens we put on our life. Wipe that away and create a new, more complementary lens that shines positivity.

What’s something you know now about happiness that you didn’t know when you were 18 years old?

I thought happiness was about people liking me. Being the big man on campus. Being validated. But what I learned was that loving others and truly caring for others can fill you with happiness, and not being so concerned with what others think or perceive of you. The people you surround yourself with can make all the difference...and it doesn’t hurt that I have an amazing badass wife who is always supportive of me.

You’ve done fascinating research. What has surprised or intrigued you—or your readers—most?

I have worked with more than 150 NBA players and the number one thing that surprised and intrigued me was how many of them struggle with confidence. They tend to base their happiness on their results (their stats) instead of who they are and what they stand for. This is understandable considering they are paid for their performance and athletic ability/stats.  But, what many people don’t realize—or have trouble implementing—is that truly knowing what you stand for and who you are as a person is only going to make you perform better. By working with these players and helping them figure out their why, their results on the court improved as did their mentality. It’s one of the reasons I was able to help the Brooklyn Nets go from being 28th in the league to 2nd overall in 3 point shooting.

If you want a specific example: Jeremy Lin (“Linsanity”) was at the top of his game and took over the NBA and the world—he was trending online for weeks. Anyone watching would have thought he had it all; but, he was stuck in the “what ifs” and “what will people think of me” mindset. His happiness was stemming from his stats and results. After working together, many mini breakthroughs led to one big breakthrough where he felt connected to who he was as a person, (his self awareness) and his religious beliefs. I feel so proud for what he has accomplished.

Have you ever managed to gain a challenging healthy habit—or to break an unhealthy habit? If so, how did you do it?

I broke the unhealthy habit of getting stuck in my pain. By looking at painful situations as blessings, I was able to pivot from the pain and accelerate it into growth. And then it becomes a win-win: that pain can lead you to breakthroughs and you can also take those experiences to help others work through their pain and trauma.

Would you describe yourself as an Upholder, a Questioner, a Rebel, or an Obliger?

I am a full blown Rebel!

Does anything tend to interfere with your ability to keep your healthy habits or your happiness?

Yes. The constant want and drive to do more and be better at what I do. I often have to remind myself to be patient in the daily journey and to not get ahead of myself too often.

Have you ever been hit by a lightning bolt, where you made a major change very suddenly, as a consequence of reading a book, a conversation with a friend, a milestone birthday, a health scare, etc.?

Oh yes I have! I was cut from a second division basketball team in Europe...it was basically a joke of a league team, and here I was living on my parents' recliner chair with no money in a small town in Missouri. I was kicking back on my recliner chair while my mom was doing dishes, and she said "David, when one door closes, four more open and so does an entire beachfront patio overlooking the ocean.”

So in that moment I realized that it didn’t have to be about me pouring everything into getting into the NBA, but rather pouring all my passion and experience into helping and coaching other players get into the NBA and perfect their skills, mentally and physically. My lightning bolt was not about me but about helping others.

Is there a particular motto or saying that you’ve found very helpful?

I do “The Snap.” No matter how committed we are to growth, when we start our day, old patterns worm their way back in. So, whenever I find myself heading down the well-beaten path to mediocrity, I literally snap back. The power to snap yourself back is at your fingertips (literally!).

Has a book ever changed your life—if so, which one and why?

Yes—The Energy Bus: 10 Rules to Fuel Your Life, Work, and Team with Positive Energy by Jon Gordon (Amazon, Bookshop). It showed me how important it is to have positive growth-minded people in your corner.

In your field, is there a common misconception that you’d like to correct?

The term self-help is BS. You can only truly help yourself by surrounding yourself with other great/growth-minded people. It’s not about introspection. It’s about Teamtrospection. It’s bigger than just you.

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Need Some Good Gift Ideas? Here Are Some of My Favorites.

The holiday season approaches, and if you're like me, you're trying to come up with some good gift ideas. I thought it might be useful if I'd share some of the best gifts I've given—and received.

Book weight: If you work with books, get a book weight. My husband Jamie bought me one of these years ago. I had no idea something like this even existed; now I use it almost every day and also have a second one for travel.

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Electric waffle-maker: I use mine every day to make my beloved chaffles ("cheese waffle")! If you want to hear more about why I love chaffles, listen to episode 241 of the Happier podcast.

Tackle Box: The Tackle Box is filled with five sticky pads to help you stay organized and tackle your daily tasks. The tin box includes “To Do” and “To Day” lists to check off your tasks, a “Ta-Da” list to celebrate your accomplishments, a “Could Do” list to keep your options open, and a “To Doodle” pad to let your creativity flow. (Note: my product.*)

Bandolier phone strap: Elizabeth and I both swear by our Bandoliers. I'm constantly telling people they should buy one. As discussed in episode 193, I use it every day, to keep track of my phone.

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Colored felt-tip markers: Because of my love for color, I decided, "Why should I write in the usual, boring, black and blue ink?" So I bought myself this set of Paper Mate felt-tip pens, and I love using the different colors.

Space heater: This modest little device makes me so much happier. My office is freezing cold in the winter, and this space heater is small but mighty.

"Four Tendencies" mug: Give a gift to someone to celebrate their Tendency! I use my Upholder mug with pride. Elizabeth makes a point of using her Obliger mug whenever we're recording a podcast together, so I can see her drinking out of it. (Note: my product.*)

Slightly Foxed magazine: I love this British quarterly—a great gift for bookish people who are looking for books to discover.

“Gift of Podcast” certificate: "Give" someone a podcast by filling out this certificate—a perfect last-minute stocking-stuffer.

Rainbow Twirler Spinner: A few years ago, my mother-in-law gave these to Eliza and Eleanor, and I think they're very charming and well-made, plus inexpensive.

LEDGLE Book Light Neck Reading Lamp: Jamie uses this light, which you hang around your neck, every night. He says it works much better than a book-clip light, and you can use it in any situation where you need more light, hands-free.

One-Sentence Journal: Satisfying yet manageable, the One-Sentence Journal is designed for those who yearn to keep a record of their lives, but who can’t manage to write a long entry every day. We tend to overestimate what can be done in the short term, and underestimate what can be done in the long term, a little at a time. (Note: my product.*)

Rare Beauty sets: I'm honored to serve on the Rare Beauty Mental Health Council, and I also love the Rare Beauty Products, so I was thrilled to receive the "Lip Soufflé Duo," which makes a perfect gift for my daughter Eliza, and "Selena's Faves Mini Set," which I know that my daughter Eleanor will love.

KRUPS Egg Cooker: I've given this terrific little item to everyone in my family.

*For gifts from The Happiness Project shop, get 15% off all orders with code FAVORITE15.

Looking for more ideas? Check out...

Gift suggestions—other than books—for people who love to read or want to read moreSome holiday gift ideas suggested specifically for the Four Tendencies10 great gift ideas for a podcast lover—or someone who should be a podcast loverGive a "sensorium gift"—because sometimes we can minister to the spirit through the body

What are some of your favorite gifts that you've given and received?

What I Read This Month: November 2021

For four years now, every Monday morning, I've posted a photo on my Facebook Page of the books I finished during the week, with the tag #GretchenRubinReads.

I get a big kick out of this weekly habit—it’s a way to shine a spotlight on all the terrific books that I’ve read.

As I write about in my book Better Than Before, for most of my life, my habit was to finish any book that I started. Finally, I realized that this approach meant that I spent time reading books that bored me, and I had less time for books that I truly enjoy. These days, I put down a book if I don’t feel like finishing it, so I have more time to do my favorite kinds of reading.

This habit means that if you see a book included in the #GretchenRubinReads photo, you know that I liked it well enough to read to the last page.

When I read books related to an area I’m researching for a writing project, I carefully read and take notes on the parts that interest me, and skim the parts that don’t. So I may list a book that I’ve partly read and partly skimmed. For me, that still “counts.”

If you’d like more ideas for habits to help you get more reading done, read this post or download my "Reading Better Than Before" worksheet.

You can also follow me on Goodreads where I track books I’ve read.

If you want to see what I read last month, the full list is here.

And join us for this year's challenge: Read for 21 minutes every day in 2021!

A surprising number of people, I've found, want to read more. But for various reasons, they struggle to get that reading done. #Read21in21 is meant to help form and strengthen the habit of reading.

November 2021 Reading:

Twilight: Losing Sight, Gaining Insight by Henry Grunwald (Amazon, Bookshop) -- A re-read; a short, thought-provoking memoir of losing the sense of sight.

Silent Night by Sue Thomas (Amazon, Bookshop) -- A fascinating memoir of the author's life and in particular, her work doing lip reading for the FBI, which was the basis for the TV show Sue Thomas: FB Eye.

The Bell by Iris Murdoch (Amazon, Bookshop) -- A terrific novel; I sense an Iris Murdoch kick coming on.

News of the World by Paulette Jiles (Amazon, Bookshop) -- Another great novel.

Have Dog, Will Travel by Stephen Kuusisto (Amazon, Bookshop) -- I love the memoirs of Kuusisto, and this is my favorite -- about his experience getting his guide dog Corky.

The Hole in the Moon and Other Tales by Margaret St. Clair (Amazon, Bookshop) -- I have no recollection of how I happened to acquire this collection of stories, but I really enjoyed them. Kind of "Twilight Zone-y," which I love.

The Invisible Kingdom: Reimagining Chronic Illness by Meghan O’Rourke (Amazon, Bookshop) --  Candid, profound, moving.

Zen in the Art of Writing: Essays on Creativity by Ray Bradbury (Amazon, Bookshop) -- I really liked this collection of short essays on creativity.

Orwell's Roses by Rebecca Solnit (Amazon, Bookshop) -- For pure writing mastery, George Orwell is one of my very favorite writers of non-fiction, so I couldn't wait to get my hands on this book.

Song Without Words: Discovering My Deafness Halfway through Life by Gerald Shea (Amazon, Bookshop) -- An astonishing account of living with hearing loss.

Planet of the Blind: A Memoir by Stephen Kuusisto (Amazon, Bookshop) -- Did I mention that I love the memoirs of Stephen Kuusisto?

After Julius by Elizabeth Jane Howard (Amazon, Bookshop) -- A haunting novel told from the perspective of several different characters over three days.

At Mrs. Lippincote's by Elizabeth Taylor (Amazon, Bookshop) -- A novel of character and observation, which I love. And a twist, which I also love. (I should note that I've been listening to the excellent Backlisted podcast, which inspired me to read Howard and Taylor.)

The Scent of Magic (The Five Senses Set Book 3) by Andre Norton (Amazon) -- The main character in this fantasy novel uses her sense of smell as one of her chief magical powers, so of course I had to read it.

Return of the Thief (Queen's Thief, 6) by Megan Whalen Turner (Amazon, Bookshop) -- Oh, how I love the work of Megan Whalen Turner. A kind friend stopped me on the street to say, "I saw you post that you'd finished the Queen's Thief books, but there's one more!" I couldn't wait to get my hands on this novel.

Jeffrey Davis: “Do It Together Beats Do It Yourself.”

Interview: Jeffrey Davis

Jeffrey Davis is a writer and CEO of Tracking Wonder Consultancy, which helps people boost their creativity, leverage their ideas, and expand their influence with integrity.

He’s author of the book The Journey from the Center to the Page (Bookshop), the poetry collection Coat Thief (Bookshop), and other books.

His new book just hit shelves: Tracking Wonder: Reclaiming a Life of Meaning and Possibility in a World Obsessed with Productivity (Amazon, Bookshop).

I couldn't wait to talk to Jeffrey about happiness, habits, and wonder.

Gretchen: What’s a simple activity or habit that consistently makes you happier, healthier, more productive, or more creative?

Jeffrey: I take wonder walks of around 5-20 minutes. Ahead of time, I usually plant a question or idea in my mind’s back burner (e.g., “What’s a solution to X?” “How could we change the way conflict happens in the workplace?” “What’s really going to help people focus better?”), try to forget about it, and then take a walk while the question simmers. Then, that day or maybe a day later, I come back to the question or idea usually with an expanded perspective. Even a 5-minute walk just to “get outside of myself” does wonders.

Spending time with my two young daughters —or anyone I can simply be present, playful, and curious with—brings me considerable joy.

Also, every morning, no matter what, one of the first five things I do is write down in my daybook three of my young genius traits—traits expressed in me when I was 8, 9, or 10 years old when I felt alive and free. Then I look ahead to the day’s activities and tasks and inquire how I might bring one or more of those traits to work. Doing so helps me approach the day’s priorities and challenges with a bit more openness, curiosity, and flexibility.

What’s something you know now about happiness that you didn’t know when you were 18 years old?

Happiness is not a fixed state and happiness is qualitatively different from feeling that life is meaningful.

You’ve done fascinating research. What has surprised or intrigued you—or your readers—most?

For over 15 years, I’ve researched the nature of experiences of wonder and how we can foster them in our lives, work, and organizations. The most surprising part of this research and of our trainings has been wonder’s relational, pro-social aspect. Wonder, more so than joy, gives rise to generosity, compassion, social attunement, and a sense of time abundance. Wonder often arises in conversation or collaboration, for instance. As a creative introvert, I didn’t appreciate that aspect at first. Now, I consider it the most important part of my research. Wonder surprised me, again.

Have you ever managed to gain a challenging healthy habit—or to break an unhealthy habit? If so, how did you do it?

A number of them. One of the many reasons I appreciate your body of work is because I’m kind of obsessive about habit (re)formation and have been since college when I realized what a sluggish mind I had.

The most challenging habits for me have revolved around physical fitness. I’m “in my head” a lot and for my first thirty years had poor awareness of my body. Over 20 years ago, I created for myself a simple 20-minute sequence of yoga postures and breathing exercises designed to help my distracted mind focus. I practice some variation of it every single day no matter how I feel or where on the planet I am. Why? Because it’s simple, pleasurable, and seamlessly integrated into my morning routine of First Five Essentials. And I can tell what a difference it makes for my well-being and health.

During the pandemic, I realized I needed more strengthening and cardio during the cold months when I can’t swim. Downhill skiing is fun but too complicated and expensive to make a daily habit, and you’ll likely never find me in a gym—which in the Hudson Valley also could require another 25-minute drive—and I don’t want to purchase clunky home equipment, not even a Peloton. So, I studied how to integrate 5-minute cardio activities, burpees, and a chin-up bar routine right into my yoga sequence. Again: simple, pleasurable, integrated into what I already do—and really effective. Sometimes I rope my daughters into doing them with me.

Simplicity, pleasure, smooth integration, palpable effectiveness—these are often the conditions that make habit formation work for me.

Would you describe yourself as an Upholder, a Questioner, a Rebel, or an Obliger?

I thought I would be a Rebel, but it turns out I’m a Questioner. That makes sense. I question a lot of assumptions, especially my own, and a habit has to make sense to my values and way of life before it sticks. I do hold traits of the others, of course.

Does anything tend to interfere with your ability to keep your healthy habits or your happiness?

Not as much anymore. I tend to make decisions about travel, parties, email, etc. based on whether or not I can maintain these essential habits.

Okay: I still have not broken the email habit. That’s irritating. That’s a goal.

Have you ever been hit by a lightning bolt, where you made a major change very suddenly, as a consequence of reading a book, a conversation with a friend, a milestone birthday, a health scare, etc.?

Well, in 2004 a lightning bolt struck my mind when I read an obscure text of philosophy that basically said that ultimate reality can be experienced in this ordinary world. And when you realize that fact, a joy-filled amazement—or wonder—characterizes you. That’s what I’ve been pursuing my whole life, I thought. The change was I realigned much of what I was doing and studying and how I was building my business. That bolt sent me on this trail. Then a few years later, during a series of hardships, lightning literally struck our newly-purchased 1850 farmhouse in the Hudson Valley and sent a fire roaring through my study and our entire house. That summer of challenges invited me to examine how experiences of wonder might help fulfilled innovators in various fields—and myself!—weather adversity. I’ve researched, interviewed, and worked with over 600 such fulfilled innovators to test my hypotheses. That inquiry, in turn, led to me testing out a variety of practices and new habits.

Is there a particular motto or saying that you’ve found very helpful?

I remind myself every day of these things:
Do it together beats do it yourself.
Every idea begets a series of challenges. The only difference is how you learn to face and finesse them.

Has a book ever changed your life—if so, which one and why?

Where the Wild Things Are (Amazon, Bookshop) awakened my imagination as a boy. It promised there was another world in this one I could travel to when I needed to and still come back home. That led me for the next several years to create illustrated stories.

Walden (Amazon, Bookshop) woke me up as a freshman at UT-Austin. I was hungering for an alternative way of life to what surrounded me. I latched onto the idea of living deliberately and simply through a series of life experiments. In my twenties, I co-founded The Walden Institute which for a few years provided courses on the study of human potential, existential psychology, and wisdom traditions. I used to reread portions of it every year when in my twenties. I still haven’t succeeded at the simplicity piece although I have made progress.

In your field, is there a common misconception that you’d like to correct?

Wonder is not kid’s stuff. Wonder is radical grown-up stuff. The likes of ecologists, cultural anthropologists, and biologists alike have recognized that we need to foster more wonder in order for our species to thrive, if not for our planet to survive. Tracking wonder is not about donning silly hats and dancing a goofy dance (although I have been known to do that with my two young daughters, ahem).

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Introducing…the Happier app!

I'm thrilled to introduce the Happier app!

“Another app?” you may think.  

Yes! And I’ll explain why this app improves (I believe) on existing habit-tracking and lifestyle apps.

In my long study of human nature, I’ve learned that for happiness and good habits, no one-size-fits-all solution exists. There’s no one “right” way or “best” way—only what works for you.

When I looked at existing tools, I saw some limitations.

First, many apps serve a single specific aim, like meditation, sleep, calorie counting, or step tracking. But most of us pursue several aims at once.

For that reason, the Happier app can help you achieve any aim you choose, and you can pursue several aims at the same time. For example, you might…

Read twenty minutes every night  Donate to a good cause each monthQuit sugarMeditate dailyTake medication

To help you succeed, Happier will nudge you to frame your aim in a concrete, measurable way: “Walk 20 minutes every day,” instead of “Exercise more.”

Second, different tools work for different people. Many apps provide one tool, and if that tool doesn’t work for you, well, too bad. People often get discouraged when a tool doesn’t work, because they think that there’s something wrong with them. “Other people can follow a to-do list—what’s wrong with me?”

The truth is, people are different. Some people love to-do lists; some dislike them. Some people thrive with accountability; some people resist it. Some people want to write a sentence; others, to click a button.

For that reason, Happier allows you to select the tools that work best for you. Just because something works for someone else doesn’t mean that it will work for you—and vice versa.

Third, Happier helps you figure out which tool is most likely to work for you.

Happier uses my Four Tendencies personality framework to suggest the targeted, personalized tool that’s likely to work for you. When you sign up for Happier, you take the quick quiz to find out whether you’re an Obliger, Questioner, Upholder, or Rebel (or, if you already know it, you can select it). Then, when you set up a new aim, the app suggests a tool that’s likely to be useful based on your Tendency.

For instance, “Obligers” excel at meeting their promises to other people, but they struggle to meet their promises to themselves. To meet their aims, they need outer accountability, so Happier suggests using the “Accountability Partners” tool. By contrast, an Upholder would get the suggestion to use “Don’t Break the Chain.”

But of course, you can use any tool you want to use, at any time. Choose from...

Don’t Break the ChainOne-Sentence JournalPhoto LogNumbers TrackerAccountability Partners

Happier is also packed with tips, hacks, and strategies. It features thought-provoking quotations, know-yourself-better questions, and audio stories. Plus everyone’s favorite feature: “Spin the Wheel,” where you spin to get a five-minute challenge to give yourself a quick happiness boost. This is the app that puts the “app” in Happier!

Plus it's beautiful to look at, and easy to use. I’ve been working with an extraordinary team to build this tool, and finally, it’s ready to share.

Happier makes it easier to create the habits that will make you happier. This matters, because habits are the invisible architecture of everyday life; change your habits to change your happiness.

It’s easier to change habits than you think—when you do it in the way that’s right for you.

Over the years, I’ve heard from so many people who are discouraged, because they’ve tried and failed many times to make an important change. Research shows that by February 15—let’s call it “Discouragement Day”—about 80 percent of resolvers have abandoned their new year's resolutions.

To help you to push through this danger zone, and to allow you to decide if the app works for you, we’re offering Happier for free through the beginning of the year. You can start using it now, at no cost.

Download the app with early access code: HAPPIERNOW.

The Happier app is part of The Happiness Project—a whole ecosystem of products to help people become happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative.

Some people love the convenience of an app—and so the Happier app works for them.

But some people also love the experience of writing in a journal. For them, I’ve created a set of journals such as the Know Yourself Better Journal, Don’t Break the Chain Habit Tracker, and the One-Sentence Journal.

Most people, I predict, will use a mix of tools. I sure do.

The best time to start a happiness project is five years ago. The second-best time is now. I hope the Happier app and products will help you start now.

Announcing…the Happier app!

Announcing...the Happier app!

I’m thrilled to announce the launch of a new app: the Happier app.

“Another app?” you may think.  

Yes! And I’ll explain why this app improves (I believe) on existing habit-tracking and lifestyle apps.

In my long study of human nature, I’ve learned that for happiness and good habits, no one-size-fits-all solution exists. There’s no one “right” way or “best” way—only what works for you.

When I looked at existing tools, I saw some limitations.

First, many apps serve a single specific aim, like meditation, sleep, calorie counting, or step tracking. But most of us pursue several aims at once.

For that reason, the Happier app can help you achieve any aim you choose, and you can pursue several aims at the same time. For example, you might…

Read twenty minutes every night  Donate to a good cause each monthQuit sugarMeditate dailyTake medication

To help you succeed, Happier will nudge you to frame your aim in a concrete, measurable way: “Walk 20 minutes every day,” instead of “Exercise more.”

Second, different tools work for different people. Many apps provide one tool, and if that tool doesn’t work for you, well, too bad. People often get discouraged when a tool doesn’t work, because they think that there’s something wrong with them. “Other people can follow a to-do list—what’s wrong with me?”

The truth is, people are different. Some people love to-do lists; some dislike them. Some people thrive with accountability; some people resist it. Some people want to write a sentence; others, to click a button.

For that reason, Happier allows you to select the tools that work best for you. Just because something works for someone else doesn’t mean that it will work for you—and vice versa.

Third, Happier helps you figure out which tool is most likely to work for you.

Happier uses my Four Tendencies personality framework to suggest the targeted, personalized tool that’s likely to work for you. When you sign up for Happier, you take the quick quiz to find out whether you’re an Obliger, Questioner, Upholder, or Rebel (or, if you already know it, you can select it). Then, when you set up a new aim, the app suggests a tool that’s likely to be useful based on your Tendency.

For instance, “Obligers” excel at meeting their promises to other people, but they struggle to meet their promises to themselves. To meet their aims, they need outer accountability, so Happier suggests using the “Accountability Partners” tool. By contrast, an Upholder would get the suggestion to use “Don’t Break the Chain.”

But of course, you can use any tool you want to use, at any time. Choose from...

Don’t Break the ChainOne-Sentence JournalPhoto LogNumbers TrackerAccountability Partners

Happier is also packed with tips, hacks, and strategies. It features thought-provoking quotations, know-yourself-better questions, and audio stories. Plus everyone’s favorite feature: “Spin the Wheel,” where you spin to get a five-minute challenge to give yourself a quick happiness boost. This is the app that puts the “app” in Happier!

Plus it's beautiful to look at, and easy to use. I’ve been working with an extraordinary team to build this tool, and finally, it’s ready to share.

Happier makes it easier to create the habits that will make you happier. This matters, because habits are the invisible architecture of everyday life; change your habits to change your happiness.

It’s easier to change habits than you think—when you do it in the way that’s right for you.

Over the years, I’ve heard from so many people who are discouraged, because they’ve tried and failed many times to make an important change. Research shows that by February 15—let’s call it “Discouragement Day”—about 80 percent of resolvers have abandoned their new year's resolutions.

To help you to push through this danger zone, and to allow you to decide if the app works for you, we’re offering Happier for free through the beginning of the year. You can start using it now, no cost.

Download the app and start your free trial with early access code: HAPPIERNOW.

The Happier app is part of The Happiness Project—a whole ecosystem of products to help people become happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative.

Some people love the convenience of an app—and so the Happier app works for them.

But some people also love the experience of writing in a journal. For them, I’ve created a set of journals such as the Know Yourself Better Journal, Don’t Break the Chain Habit Tracker, and the One-Sentence Journal.

Most people, I predict, will use a mix of tools. I sure do.

The best time to start a happiness project is five years ago. The second-best time is now. I hope the Happier app and products will help you start now.

Keep a “To-Do” List—or a “Ta-Da” List, “Could-Do” List, “To-day” List, or a “To-Doodle” List.

Do you love a "to-do" list—or not?

When it comes to productivity advice, certainly one of the most common suggestions is, "Make a to-do list, and check off the items as you go." But is that universally helpful advice?

I enjoy making and using to-do lists, and this is great advice—for me. And for many people. But it's not necessarily great advice for everyone.

The most important thing I've learned in my study of happiness and good habits: There's no single best way to make our lives happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative. There's no magic, one-size-fits-all tool.

You might think, "Well, to help yourself think about what you want to get done, a to-do list is just the simplest and best way." But no! For different people, a different approach might suit better. For instance...

To-do list: I love a to-do list. I have one in front of me on my desk at this very moment.Ta-da list: I was surprised to learn that many people get very fired up by making a ta-da list. By reminding themselves of everything they've already accomplished, they find the drive to continue.Could-do list: Some people do better when they're reminded that they have a choice. They make a "could-do" list, of everything they could do, if they feel like it. (Rebels, looking at you!)To-day list: Some people get overwhelmed when they think of everything they need to do. By focusing on what needs to get done today, they stay focused and productive.

Because I've learned that different people do their best work by approaching their aims with different tools...I've created those tools!

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Check out this cunning "Tackle Box" of sticky pads for making your to-do lists, could-do lists, ta-da lists, or to-day lists. (Clever pun alert: It's called a "tackle box" because it's in the shape of a box used for fishing tackle, and because it helps you think about what you want to tackle.)

Plus there's a fifth sticky pad, "To-Doodle"—many people think better when they're doodling or drawing, and sometimes we want freedom from lines and lists.

If you keep telling yourself—or someone else—to use a to-do list, and that method isn't working, try something new. There are many different ways to build the lives we want, and it's much easier when we do it in the way that's right for us.

If you want to read about how the Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, and Rebel Tendencies might influence how you or someone else might use these kinds of lists, and what might work better, read here.

If you want to listen to Elizabeth and me talk about ta-da lists on the Happier with Gretchen Rubin podcast, it's here.

Here's the official description of the The Tackle Box:

The Tackle Box is filled with five sticky pads to help you stay organized and tackle your daily tasks. The tin box includes “To Do” and “To Day” lists to check off your tasks, a “Ta-Da” list to celebrate your accomplishments, a “Could Do” list to keep your options open, and a “To Doodle” pad to let your creativity flow. Productivity looks different for everyone, and The Tackle Box is designed to help you find what works for you.

I get such a kick out of the actual names of these pads, and how they all cleverly play off the phrase "to-do":

to-do > to-dayto-do > ta-dato-do > could-doto-do > to-doodle

Another distinction: some people love a sticky pad, and others, not so much. I love a sticky pad! How about you?

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To create these, I worked with an extraordinary team, including brilliant art director Emy Joyeux (her name means "happy" in French, how apt is that?), Lindsay Logan, Hannah Wilson, Anne Mercogliano, and super-star illustrator Ana Miminoshvili.

Which style of list appeals most to you? Can you think of another variation on the "to-do" list that should be added to the Tackle Box?