Anna Jones Buttimore's Blog, page 2
March 14, 2020
Silver Linings
The current pandemic is a bad thing. It's a new virus that no one has any immunity to and there's no vaccine or cure. People are scared and they are behaving in the odd ways people behave when they're scared. People are going to suffer and people are going to die. Businesses are going to fail and people are going to lose their jobs. Even after the virus has swept through the world and herd immunity means it's no longer a serious threat we'll probably see another global recession. I'm finding I like dystopian worlds better when they're fictional.As I write this it's the early stages of the crisis here in the UK. We're not yet on lockdown - schools remain open - but many events and gatherings have been cancelled, including--to my shock--church. Supermarket shelves are empty, and people are queuing to get into the shops before they open. And I know it'll get worse before it gets better.
That said, there are silver linings in every cloud, and some good things have already come of this situation:My daughter, anticipating a lockdown, has asked me to teach her to cross-stitch, and suggested we do a jigsaw puzzle together. More quality family time. (Unfortunately it seems I gave away all our jigsaws a while ago.)As things like milk and meat run out people who usually wouldn't are investigating plant-based alternatives. They are also trying foods they wouldn't otherwise have bought simply because it's all there is left.Things I didn't want to go to have been cancelled. (I'm not an introvert but the rest of my family is, and this situation is essentially an introvert's dream.)People are washing their hands thoroughly and properly, and coughing into tissues. Yes, I know they should have been doing that all along. They're getting the good hygiene habit, and hopefully it'll stick.With shortages in the shops, we're taking stock of what we already have and using it, which means less food wastage. Just this morning I braved the deepest recesses of our chest freezer to see what was lurking down there. I'm meal planning in great detail to reassure the children that we have enough. I should have been doing that all along. It also means I may well get to defrost the freezer at some point because I'm using stuff up rather than just endlessly adding to the top.Business are doing their level best to find ways of enabling staff to work from home. For the staff this means greater wellbeing and work-life balance, and less stress. For the businesses this can mean lower overheads - fewer offices to heat. As someone pointed out, we'll find out which of those meetings could have been emails. Lots of business will now be conducted by Skype, Zoom, Google Hangouts, WhatsApp and all the other technological solutions we're lucky to have.More people are working from home, and fewer people are going to events and gatherings, meaning less pollution.The toilet paper shortage is, in a strange way, also teaching us about better hygiene. In Asian countries including
Cambodia (wait long enough and I'll always talk about Cambodia) they don't use it. Instead they have a small shower-like attachment on the toilet, which is kind-of a point-and-squirt bidet. it's much more hygienic and some people are seeing it as a good alternative now that there is no guarantee that there will be toilet paper. It's also much better for the enviroment.People will have more time to read books. This is a very good thing, especially as I have a book coming out next month. (Shameless plug.)We'll be more prepared for the next problem or pandemic. For years my church has been telling us that we should have a year's supply of food, toiletries and household items stored safely and rotated in with our regular food. I paid it a little lip service (I have a couple of containers of wheat and a grinder, so in theory I could make my own bread) and generally chalked it up to being one of the fun little quirks that makes the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints unique. But I'm really wishing I'd listened now. And you can bet, once all this is over, that I'll start to get serious about storage, and making sure I never have to worry about this sort of crisis again.I don't want to pretend that COVID-19 isn't a problem (although I don't think, for most people, it warrants the type of obsessive panic we're seeing either) but maybe we can maintain some perspective and recognise than an ill wind can sometimes blow someone some good.
December 22, 2019
What a Drag
Am I the only person fed up of drag shows? A parody of what a real woman is, like black face. Woman are juggling kids, rushing out a wholesome dinner, doing the laundry & cleaning, holding down a job all with period pains & leaky boobs if breast feeding. Enough of the stereotypes.It's my personal opinion that I don't like drag shows and find them demeaning. Promoting one view of being female when in my experience there is so much more to being a woman. Most of it is very unglamorous. Sharron Davies MBE, Olympic Swimmer
No, Sharron, you're not alone. Years ago blackface, including on shows like the Black and White Minstrel Show, was considered a homage to black people, celebrating the music of the American south, harmless fun. Now we find the idea of white people pretending to be black horrifying.
Why don't we find the idea of men pretending to be cruel and exaggerated parodies of women equally horrifying?
I find drag queens to be a grotesque caricature of what a woman really is, and frankly insulting. They suggest that what femininity is about is gawdy sequins, tottering about in eight-inch heels, sporting eyelashes you could sweep the floor with, garish make-up, calling each other "girl" and adopting vacant expressions and ridiculous names.
Womanhood is none of that. Womanhood is juggling raising and nurturing family with holding down a job and struggling to be all things to all people, all while feeling guilty about being neither the perfect mother or the perfect employee, and yet no one asks your husband how he feels about having to go to work while the children are so young. It means bearing the mental load even when you work the same hours as the man in your life. What do I mean by that? Is it more commonly the wife or the husband who knows when all the friends and relatives' birthdays are and arranges presents and cards? Is it more commonly the wife or the husband who knows which child has PE/Cookery/a project due on any given day, and whether their school uniform is washed and ironed? Is it more commonly the wife or the husband who knows when dentist/optician and any other medical appointments are due, or who plans what the family will eat each day and keeps a mental inventory of the cupboards? Who, in your relationship, put a load of laundry into the washing machine before breakfast, and produces sorted and ironed piles of clean clothes each evening, even when she's been at work all day?
Womanhood is knowing that as much as you'd like to walk across the park to the shop after 6pm on a winter evening it's not safe for you to do so alone, and so the family will have to manage without milk for their breakfast in the morning. It's walking on lit routes with lots of other people around, but still being terrified by the catcalls and casual harassment from passing cars: "Nice ass darlin'!" It's watching a man receive credit and adulation for something you suggested not ten minutes ago, but because you were a woman no one took your opinion seriously. It's a man explaining what the Oxford comma is even though you've got a degree in English and have written eight novels, simply because he assumes that as a woman you can't possibly know about it.
Womanhood is sore breasts, uncomfortable bloating, and cramps so bad that you can barely function without being dosed to the eyeballs on painkillers, and yet you're expected to keep this quiet and not talk about it-- certainly not take time off work or school!--because no one must ever know that you're subject to this natural bodily function. It's mentally counting weeks to find out whether that five-hour meeting or long journey will occur on a day when you need to visit the toilet every two hours and won't dare to cough, sneeze, or stand up. It's having favourite clothes ruined by blood stains and plans ruined by the potential for them. It's ickyness, and discomfort, and wondering why necessary sanitary products are so expensive rather than freely available like toilet paper and soap. It's men wondering why you can't "just hold it in", telling you they think it's gross (they're right) but not wanting to know anything about it except when it's over, and then only so that they can have sex with you again.
Womanhood is standing in a queue when you're desperate for the toilet because designers of buildings allocate exactly the same amount of space to men's and women's bathrooms even though you can fit many more urinals into that space than you can cubicles. Even though women take longer in the toilet because they may have small children to manage, or periods to deal with, never mind that it's a longer process anyway (and they're more likely to wash their hands).
Womanhood is knowing that other women across the world are not allowed to drive, or travel, or hold some jobs, and that women and girls of all ages are trafficked, raped, forced into marriage, mutilated, sold for sex and then blamed for it while men frequently get away with no real meaningful punishment. It's knowing that historically women have had fewer rights and opportunities, and that even now in the UK there isn't equal pay - that low paying and demeaning jobs are more likely to be held by women and top, high-paying jobs are more likely to be held by men. It's knowing that women are abused physically, sexually and mentally by men who exploit their greater physical strength and that every three days a woman is a killed by her partner. It's also knowing that because this sometimes happens to men too we can't make too much noise about it because #whatabout those men it happens to? And since #notallmen use their girlfriends as a punching bag we shouldn't be making them feel bad by complaining about it.
It's paying more for the same item be it a razor or a haircut, clothes with no pockets or--horrors!--fake pockets, and being expected to be unrealistically thin and beautifully dressed and made up at all times. I'm not even going to get into the pain and indignity that is pregnancy and childbirth or we'll be here all day.
So what does this have to do with drag queens?
I find it insulting that these men can dress up in outrageous costumes and ridiculous make-up and parade around saying, "look at us, we're women!" It's stereotyping, it's demeaning, and it's giving men power to declare what they think womanhood is about. They are wrong, and they are insulting us, and I have had enough of it.
No, Sharron, you're not alone. Years ago blackface, including on shows like the Black and White Minstrel Show, was considered a homage to black people, celebrating the music of the American south, harmless fun. Now we find the idea of white people pretending to be black horrifying.
Why don't we find the idea of men pretending to be cruel and exaggerated parodies of women equally horrifying?
I find drag queens to be a grotesque caricature of what a woman really is, and frankly insulting. They suggest that what femininity is about is gawdy sequins, tottering about in eight-inch heels, sporting eyelashes you could sweep the floor with, garish make-up, calling each other "girl" and adopting vacant expressions and ridiculous names.
Womanhood is none of that. Womanhood is juggling raising and nurturing family with holding down a job and struggling to be all things to all people, all while feeling guilty about being neither the perfect mother or the perfect employee, and yet no one asks your husband how he feels about having to go to work while the children are so young. It means bearing the mental load even when you work the same hours as the man in your life. What do I mean by that? Is it more commonly the wife or the husband who knows when all the friends and relatives' birthdays are and arranges presents and cards? Is it more commonly the wife or the husband who knows which child has PE/Cookery/a project due on any given day, and whether their school uniform is washed and ironed? Is it more commonly the wife or the husband who knows when dentist/optician and any other medical appointments are due, or who plans what the family will eat each day and keeps a mental inventory of the cupboards? Who, in your relationship, put a load of laundry into the washing machine before breakfast, and produces sorted and ironed piles of clean clothes each evening, even when she's been at work all day?
Womanhood is knowing that as much as you'd like to walk across the park to the shop after 6pm on a winter evening it's not safe for you to do so alone, and so the family will have to manage without milk for their breakfast in the morning. It's walking on lit routes with lots of other people around, but still being terrified by the catcalls and casual harassment from passing cars: "Nice ass darlin'!" It's watching a man receive credit and adulation for something you suggested not ten minutes ago, but because you were a woman no one took your opinion seriously. It's a man explaining what the Oxford comma is even though you've got a degree in English and have written eight novels, simply because he assumes that as a woman you can't possibly know about it.
Womanhood is sore breasts, uncomfortable bloating, and cramps so bad that you can barely function without being dosed to the eyeballs on painkillers, and yet you're expected to keep this quiet and not talk about it-- certainly not take time off work or school!--because no one must ever know that you're subject to this natural bodily function. It's mentally counting weeks to find out whether that five-hour meeting or long journey will occur on a day when you need to visit the toilet every two hours and won't dare to cough, sneeze, or stand up. It's having favourite clothes ruined by blood stains and plans ruined by the potential for them. It's ickyness, and discomfort, and wondering why necessary sanitary products are so expensive rather than freely available like toilet paper and soap. It's men wondering why you can't "just hold it in", telling you they think it's gross (they're right) but not wanting to know anything about it except when it's over, and then only so that they can have sex with you again.
Womanhood is standing in a queue when you're desperate for the toilet because designers of buildings allocate exactly the same amount of space to men's and women's bathrooms even though you can fit many more urinals into that space than you can cubicles. Even though women take longer in the toilet because they may have small children to manage, or periods to deal with, never mind that it's a longer process anyway (and they're more likely to wash their hands).
Womanhood is knowing that other women across the world are not allowed to drive, or travel, or hold some jobs, and that women and girls of all ages are trafficked, raped, forced into marriage, mutilated, sold for sex and then blamed for it while men frequently get away with no real meaningful punishment. It's knowing that historically women have had fewer rights and opportunities, and that even now in the UK there isn't equal pay - that low paying and demeaning jobs are more likely to be held by women and top, high-paying jobs are more likely to be held by men. It's knowing that women are abused physically, sexually and mentally by men who exploit their greater physical strength and that every three days a woman is a killed by her partner. It's also knowing that because this sometimes happens to men too we can't make too much noise about it because #whatabout those men it happens to? And since #notallmen use their girlfriends as a punching bag we shouldn't be making them feel bad by complaining about it.
It's paying more for the same item be it a razor or a haircut, clothes with no pockets or--horrors!--fake pockets, and being expected to be unrealistically thin and beautifully dressed and made up at all times. I'm not even going to get into the pain and indignity that is pregnancy and childbirth or we'll be here all day.
So what does this have to do with drag queens?
I find it insulting that these men can dress up in outrageous costumes and ridiculous make-up and parade around saying, "look at us, we're women!" It's stereotyping, it's demeaning, and it's giving men power to declare what they think womanhood is about. They are wrong, and they are insulting us, and I have had enough of it.
December 8, 2018
Why I'm a Mormon* - despite everything
In August this year I had the great privilege of teaching at FSY (For the Strength of Youth), the LDS Church's youth convention. I taught two classes, one of which included my conversion story. In this same lesson I asked a question (I can't remember what) and one girl responded immediately and boldly, "Well, I know the Church* is perfect".
There was an instant frisson and hum as the other students responded to the controversial statement. Like the experienced teacher I'm not, I resisted the urge to take up this subject, and cut off the chatter by clarifying, "The gospel is perfect. The Church and the gospel are not the same thing."
I often think of that girl, and wonder how she felt about my clarification. The words Church and gospel can often seem to be used interchangeably in Mormon circles, and if she truly does believe that the Church is perfect, then that poor girl has a rough road ahead, because it demonstrably isn't. Every time it is late paying my expenses, it isn't perfect. Every time someone's name is spelt wrong on a sacrament meeting programme, the church isn't perfect.
The gospel, on the other hand, is (literally - it's what the word gospel means) the good news that we can be forgiven of our sins, because Jesus loves us so much that he atoned for us, dying on the cross to take our punishment. Now that good news of love, of salvation, of hope, is perfect.
I raised my children in the Church but not very well. We didn't have family prayer or scripture study, or family home evening, apart from sporadic and ill-fated attempts. They went to youth activities, including FSY, but not seminary. We were not one of those families which start each day early with scriptures, hymns and spiritual thoughts, for which they probably thank me. Despite my ineptitude my eldest, Gwen, had a scripture on her bedroom wall from the Book of Mormon, which she chose herself: "O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever." (2 Nephi 4:34) (I discovered recently that the sentence immediately after that one is "I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh." In other words, trust God, not people. I stand entirely by that wisdom.)
Recently Gwen posted this video on Facebook, a ten-minute well-presented look at ten things about the Church which put it in a very bad light. At the end it concludes that "this entire religion [is] just a fabrication".
There's some apparently pretty damning evidence in the video, but nothing I didn't know before I chose to be baptised into the Church. I spent five years researching the Church in the late 80s and early 90s, although I wasn't a fully active member of the church until around 2002. All this information - the Kinderhook plates, Mark Hoffman, Joseph Smith's wives including the 14-year-old, the various versions of the first vision - was around then, albeit in books that I hunted out, not on the internet. I knew about it, and I still chose to become a member of this Church. Why?
In a nutshell, because it's where I found God, and it's where I found He wanted me to be. I became a Christian in my teens, in that I accepted Jesus's sacrifice for me and pledged to follow Him for life. However, I never really felt close to God, or had any kind of spiritual experience which confirmed my faith. It wasn't for want of trying: I went to lots of Christian events, services, Spring Harvest (briefly) and committed myself time and time again at countless altar calls, but never "felt the spirit" the way others described. I never felt anything except maybe embarrassment, annoyance and frustration that God wasn't speaking to me. Still, I hung on to my "head conversion", read the Bible even though no life-shattering truths ever leapt out at me, said my prayers to empty air, and went through the motions at church.
It was only when I encountered the "Mormon" Church that I started to feel something very powerful. I fought against it--hard--but ultimately there was no denying that this was where God wanted me, and where He would meet with me. And this is still the case; I still go to other churches regularly, and I still don't feel the spirit there, although I recognise that others do. And yet in a Mormon context, I see miracles, get inspiration, hear the voice of God, and find immense peace, joy, and comfort. I read the Bible (and other scriptures) and thrill at the revelation and truth that fill me, I pray and know God is listening, and hear His answers. And I go to Church and feel the spirit so much, and gain so much knowledge, that my #WhatIlearnedatChurchToday posts are generally heavily edited.
Anyway, I'll briefly look at some of the issues covered in the video. This has been done in detail by far cleverer people than me, so it's not the main purpose of this post. But here we are, in no particular order:
It was legal to marry 14-year-old girls at the time. Still is, in some places, including in some states in America. Yes, polygamously too. (I love the comment a Muslim made to a western man, "We're allowed to have up to four wives, all at the same time. You westerners prefer to have them one after another.")The fact that there are multiple accounts of the first vision is evidence in its favour. When people are lying they rehearse what they will say to "get the story straight". Police know that if someone (or several someones) say the exact same thing every time they're questioned, they are probably lying. On the other hand, if people change their story as they remember new details, or forget sections, or process meaning, they're probably telling the truth. There are multiple versions of my conversion story around because I emphasise bits, or change the language, depending on who I'm telling it to or writing for. I also remember and forget details. Doesn't mean it's not true.Whether it's gold plates, ancient papyri, or stone tablets, what is on the document, and how it is brought forth, are of less importance than the finished revelation. The tablets/papyri/documents are simply the vehicle provided to lead to the finished article, maybe to add authority or credibility to the revelations. Joseph Smith could have simply declared "thus saith the Lord" and written it all without claiming to have translated it from an ancient source, but using ancient sources made the people of the time more likely to pay attention. Whether it was actually what was on that papyrus/plates is immaterial - the finished result is what God wanted to tell us.Of course Joseph tried to defend himself - a mob were trying to kill him. That doesn't alter the fact that he gave his life for what he believed God had called him to do. If I'd been spinning a line to make money (and he didn't make any money - the Church was in debt for decades) I'd have run for the hills at the first tarring and feathering. I can't remember what any of the others were, but that's not what this post is for anyway, as there are plenty of apologetics sites around if you care to look for them, and I'm not an apologist despite my history. This post is about why I choose to remain in the Church even knowing all this stuff (and more). I think my testimony, above, explains a lot of that, but I spoke about a "head conversion" too, so I want to clarify why my head, and well as my heart and soul, makes the Church a non-negotiable in my life. If I were choosing a religion only on merits, with no reference to whether I felt the spirit there, or believed God was working through it, why would I choose this one?My life experiences have led to me to believe that alcohol is evil, drinking alcohol is wrong, and Christians shouldn't do it. I need a church which agrees with me.I need a church which doesn't accept the traditional doctrine of the trinity. I've read the Bible, cover to cover, several times. The trinity doctrine isn't in it. I had always struggled to believe it, and it was a relief to let that go.I need a church with a belief in prophecy, and a prophet. The world is a crazy mixed up place, and we need authoritative ongoing revelation. He doesn't have to be a perfect man who always speaks for God and never goes off piste, but he does have to have that entitlement to revelation for the world.I need a church which practices baptism for the dead. If that isn't practiced, then God is unfair, and the God I know isn't unfair.
Find me another church which ticks all those boxes, and I'll join it.
It's not always comfortable being a Mormon precisely because we do get all this criticism, but I'm not sure it's comfortable being any religion these days. It seems that personal belief is the last thing it is okay to bash in society. We no longer (thank goodness) insult people because of their race, or their sexuality, or (hopefully) their gender, but it seems it's perfectly okay to scorn then for deeply-held philosophies, even when you have no real knowledge of that belief system, and haven't had the experiences that person has. On my daughter's post someone I respect and admire has said, "Can you imagine what the human race would of [sic] achieved by now if we hadn't invented religion!" and I've seen many comments by other people saying that anyone religious is stupid, or deluded, or bad. Now, I'm a big sceptic. I don't believe in horoscopes, or homeopathy, for example, but I fully respect the rights of others to hold and treasure their beliefs, and not be belittled and insulted for holding them. Maybe those people have had experiences with those things that I haven't which has led them to believe in them, just as I have had encounters with God which have led me to a point where I cannot deny the truth, however much society points the finger of scorn.
Having said that, I admit I'm a "cafeteria Mormon" and I like to pick and choose the bits I accept. For example, I don't like the doctrine of the Heavenly Mother. It's not anywhere in the scriptures, and seems to have been dreamt up by Eliza Snow. As a feminist I should maybe be defending it, but in my cafeteria analogy it's really just garnish - or maybe a side vegetable (peas). The meat (or Quorn - I'm vegetarian) of the gospel, and of the church, is that God loves us, and Jesus lived to show us how to love, and died to save us from ourselves, and I fully testify to the truth of that. The Church isn't perfect, nor does it need to be, because the gospel is.
________________________
* When I refer to "Church" or "Mormon" I mean The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Recently the Prophet has asked that we move away from the terms "Mormon" and "Latter-day Saint" to describe ourselves, because the name of the Saviour is precious to us, and calling us by these nicknames diminishes that, and doesn't make it clear that we follow Jesus Christ. I welcome that policy, and have thought about how I want to identify my religious affiliation as a result. I concluded that when asked, I will say that I am a Christian, because I am. I am a follower of Jesus Christ, who has trusted in Him for my salvation. I may, in some contexts, want to include detail and say something like, "I am a Christian who attends the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints". This is fine by me as I always felt more of a Christian than a Mormon. In fact, I considered calling this blog post "Why I'm a Christian who attends the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints despite everything" but, you know, length restrictions.
Also, when you see church with a small c, I am referring to the fellowship of all Christians, the community of people who follow Jesus Christ.
There was an instant frisson and hum as the other students responded to the controversial statement. Like the experienced teacher I'm not, I resisted the urge to take up this subject, and cut off the chatter by clarifying, "The gospel is perfect. The Church and the gospel are not the same thing."
I often think of that girl, and wonder how she felt about my clarification. The words Church and gospel can often seem to be used interchangeably in Mormon circles, and if she truly does believe that the Church is perfect, then that poor girl has a rough road ahead, because it demonstrably isn't. Every time it is late paying my expenses, it isn't perfect. Every time someone's name is spelt wrong on a sacrament meeting programme, the church isn't perfect.
The gospel, on the other hand, is (literally - it's what the word gospel means) the good news that we can be forgiven of our sins, because Jesus loves us so much that he atoned for us, dying on the cross to take our punishment. Now that good news of love, of salvation, of hope, is perfect.
I raised my children in the Church but not very well. We didn't have family prayer or scripture study, or family home evening, apart from sporadic and ill-fated attempts. They went to youth activities, including FSY, but not seminary. We were not one of those families which start each day early with scriptures, hymns and spiritual thoughts, for which they probably thank me. Despite my ineptitude my eldest, Gwen, had a scripture on her bedroom wall from the Book of Mormon, which she chose herself: "O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever." (2 Nephi 4:34) (I discovered recently that the sentence immediately after that one is "I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh." In other words, trust God, not people. I stand entirely by that wisdom.)
Recently Gwen posted this video on Facebook, a ten-minute well-presented look at ten things about the Church which put it in a very bad light. At the end it concludes that "this entire religion [is] just a fabrication".
There's some apparently pretty damning evidence in the video, but nothing I didn't know before I chose to be baptised into the Church. I spent five years researching the Church in the late 80s and early 90s, although I wasn't a fully active member of the church until around 2002. All this information - the Kinderhook plates, Mark Hoffman, Joseph Smith's wives including the 14-year-old, the various versions of the first vision - was around then, albeit in books that I hunted out, not on the internet. I knew about it, and I still chose to become a member of this Church. Why?
In a nutshell, because it's where I found God, and it's where I found He wanted me to be. I became a Christian in my teens, in that I accepted Jesus's sacrifice for me and pledged to follow Him for life. However, I never really felt close to God, or had any kind of spiritual experience which confirmed my faith. It wasn't for want of trying: I went to lots of Christian events, services, Spring Harvest (briefly) and committed myself time and time again at countless altar calls, but never "felt the spirit" the way others described. I never felt anything except maybe embarrassment, annoyance and frustration that God wasn't speaking to me. Still, I hung on to my "head conversion", read the Bible even though no life-shattering truths ever leapt out at me, said my prayers to empty air, and went through the motions at church.
It was only when I encountered the "Mormon" Church that I started to feel something very powerful. I fought against it--hard--but ultimately there was no denying that this was where God wanted me, and where He would meet with me. And this is still the case; I still go to other churches regularly, and I still don't feel the spirit there, although I recognise that others do. And yet in a Mormon context, I see miracles, get inspiration, hear the voice of God, and find immense peace, joy, and comfort. I read the Bible (and other scriptures) and thrill at the revelation and truth that fill me, I pray and know God is listening, and hear His answers. And I go to Church and feel the spirit so much, and gain so much knowledge, that my #WhatIlearnedatChurchToday posts are generally heavily edited.
Anyway, I'll briefly look at some of the issues covered in the video. This has been done in detail by far cleverer people than me, so it's not the main purpose of this post. But here we are, in no particular order:
It was legal to marry 14-year-old girls at the time. Still is, in some places, including in some states in America. Yes, polygamously too. (I love the comment a Muslim made to a western man, "We're allowed to have up to four wives, all at the same time. You westerners prefer to have them one after another.")The fact that there are multiple accounts of the first vision is evidence in its favour. When people are lying they rehearse what they will say to "get the story straight". Police know that if someone (or several someones) say the exact same thing every time they're questioned, they are probably lying. On the other hand, if people change their story as they remember new details, or forget sections, or process meaning, they're probably telling the truth. There are multiple versions of my conversion story around because I emphasise bits, or change the language, depending on who I'm telling it to or writing for. I also remember and forget details. Doesn't mean it's not true.Whether it's gold plates, ancient papyri, or stone tablets, what is on the document, and how it is brought forth, are of less importance than the finished revelation. The tablets/papyri/documents are simply the vehicle provided to lead to the finished article, maybe to add authority or credibility to the revelations. Joseph Smith could have simply declared "thus saith the Lord" and written it all without claiming to have translated it from an ancient source, but using ancient sources made the people of the time more likely to pay attention. Whether it was actually what was on that papyrus/plates is immaterial - the finished result is what God wanted to tell us.Of course Joseph tried to defend himself - a mob were trying to kill him. That doesn't alter the fact that he gave his life for what he believed God had called him to do. If I'd been spinning a line to make money (and he didn't make any money - the Church was in debt for decades) I'd have run for the hills at the first tarring and feathering. I can't remember what any of the others were, but that's not what this post is for anyway, as there are plenty of apologetics sites around if you care to look for them, and I'm not an apologist despite my history. This post is about why I choose to remain in the Church even knowing all this stuff (and more). I think my testimony, above, explains a lot of that, but I spoke about a "head conversion" too, so I want to clarify why my head, and well as my heart and soul, makes the Church a non-negotiable in my life. If I were choosing a religion only on merits, with no reference to whether I felt the spirit there, or believed God was working through it, why would I choose this one?My life experiences have led to me to believe that alcohol is evil, drinking alcohol is wrong, and Christians shouldn't do it. I need a church which agrees with me.I need a church which doesn't accept the traditional doctrine of the trinity. I've read the Bible, cover to cover, several times. The trinity doctrine isn't in it. I had always struggled to believe it, and it was a relief to let that go.I need a church with a belief in prophecy, and a prophet. The world is a crazy mixed up place, and we need authoritative ongoing revelation. He doesn't have to be a perfect man who always speaks for God and never goes off piste, but he does have to have that entitlement to revelation for the world.I need a church which practices baptism for the dead. If that isn't practiced, then God is unfair, and the God I know isn't unfair.
Find me another church which ticks all those boxes, and I'll join it.
It's not always comfortable being a Mormon precisely because we do get all this criticism, but I'm not sure it's comfortable being any religion these days. It seems that personal belief is the last thing it is okay to bash in society. We no longer (thank goodness) insult people because of their race, or their sexuality, or (hopefully) their gender, but it seems it's perfectly okay to scorn then for deeply-held philosophies, even when you have no real knowledge of that belief system, and haven't had the experiences that person has. On my daughter's post someone I respect and admire has said, "Can you imagine what the human race would of [sic] achieved by now if we hadn't invented religion!" and I've seen many comments by other people saying that anyone religious is stupid, or deluded, or bad. Now, I'm a big sceptic. I don't believe in horoscopes, or homeopathy, for example, but I fully respect the rights of others to hold and treasure their beliefs, and not be belittled and insulted for holding them. Maybe those people have had experiences with those things that I haven't which has led them to believe in them, just as I have had encounters with God which have led me to a point where I cannot deny the truth, however much society points the finger of scorn.
Having said that, I admit I'm a "cafeteria Mormon" and I like to pick and choose the bits I accept. For example, I don't like the doctrine of the Heavenly Mother. It's not anywhere in the scriptures, and seems to have been dreamt up by Eliza Snow. As a feminist I should maybe be defending it, but in my cafeteria analogy it's really just garnish - or maybe a side vegetable (peas). The meat (or Quorn - I'm vegetarian) of the gospel, and of the church, is that God loves us, and Jesus lived to show us how to love, and died to save us from ourselves, and I fully testify to the truth of that. The Church isn't perfect, nor does it need to be, because the gospel is.
________________________
* When I refer to "Church" or "Mormon" I mean The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Recently the Prophet has asked that we move away from the terms "Mormon" and "Latter-day Saint" to describe ourselves, because the name of the Saviour is precious to us, and calling us by these nicknames diminishes that, and doesn't make it clear that we follow Jesus Christ. I welcome that policy, and have thought about how I want to identify my religious affiliation as a result. I concluded that when asked, I will say that I am a Christian, because I am. I am a follower of Jesus Christ, who has trusted in Him for my salvation. I may, in some contexts, want to include detail and say something like, "I am a Christian who attends the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints". This is fine by me as I always felt more of a Christian than a Mormon. In fact, I considered calling this blog post "Why I'm a Christian who attends the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints despite everything" but, you know, length restrictions.
Also, when you see church with a small c, I am referring to the fellowship of all Christians, the community of people who follow Jesus Christ.
November 28, 2018
Some Christmas Gift Ideas
While I don't hold myself out to be any sort of expert in gift buying (I once bought my sister a packet of Pez for Christmas) I thought it might be helpful at this time of year to share a few ideas of gifts which have been well received.
Studio do a personalised bathrobe, for men, women and children, at just £7.99. It's not terrible quality for the price too. Last year almost everyone in our family ended up with one, and mine is still going strong.
Got a chocoholic friend who's always on a diet? My "joke" gift this year is a hamper of chocolate-not-chocolate. It includes chocolate scented shower gel, lip balm, moisturiser, and a face mask, plus a small jigsaw puzzle of chocolate, a chocolate scented candle, and anything else I find between now and Christmas that's chocolate but not edible. (And because I'm not that cruel, the follow-up gift will be her favourite actual chocolate.)
If you've a whole family to buy for take out the hassle of figuring out what each person wants and get them a family night in hamper. You could include a board game or two, popcorn tubs and kernels, and a DVD. If you want to push the boat out you could even include a popcorn machine. The hamper itself could be just a box covered with wrapping paper. The beauty of this gift is that it can be at any price level - Poundland sell some good DVDs, games and popcorn boxes.
For the carnivore in your life, what about a sausage maker? It enables you to choose your own cuts of meat, and mix in the spices and flavourings of your choice to make great homemade sausages. We've found that low-fat ones tend to be a little dry, but it's fun to experiment with ingredients.
Encourage a friend to go green by assembling a green bathroom hamper. You could include a bamboo toothbrush (around £4 in supermarkets), stainless steel razor with extra blades (£2 in Tesco), a natural sponge or loofah, and bar shampoo, bar shower gel and bar conditioner. Make the packaging environmentally friendly too by packing it in a cardboard box decorated with Christmas stamps or pictures, and lining it with shredded paper.
Just a few ideas, and I'll add to this post as I think of others.
Studio do a personalised bathrobe, for men, women and children, at just £7.99. It's not terrible quality for the price too. Last year almost everyone in our family ended up with one, and mine is still going strong.Got a chocoholic friend who's always on a diet? My "joke" gift this year is a hamper of chocolate-not-chocolate. It includes chocolate scented shower gel, lip balm, moisturiser, and a face mask, plus a small jigsaw puzzle of chocolate, a chocolate scented candle, and anything else I find between now and Christmas that's chocolate but not edible. (And because I'm not that cruel, the follow-up gift will be her favourite actual chocolate.)
If you've a whole family to buy for take out the hassle of figuring out what each person wants and get them a family night in hamper. You could include a board game or two, popcorn tubs and kernels, and a DVD. If you want to push the boat out you could even include a popcorn machine. The hamper itself could be just a box covered with wrapping paper. The beauty of this gift is that it can be at any price level - Poundland sell some good DVDs, games and popcorn boxes.
For the carnivore in your life, what about a sausage maker? It enables you to choose your own cuts of meat, and mix in the spices and flavourings of your choice to make great homemade sausages. We've found that low-fat ones tend to be a little dry, but it's fun to experiment with ingredients.Encourage a friend to go green by assembling a green bathroom hamper. You could include a bamboo toothbrush (around £4 in supermarkets), stainless steel razor with extra blades (£2 in Tesco), a natural sponge or loofah, and bar shampoo, bar shower gel and bar conditioner. Make the packaging environmentally friendly too by packing it in a cardboard box decorated with Christmas stamps or pictures, and lining it with shredded paper.
Just a few ideas, and I'll add to this post as I think of others.
November 25, 2018
What to take to Center Parcs
I'm at Center Parcs in Elveden Forest as I write this, celebrating my daughter's 18th birthday. It's lovely - beautiful, peaceful, full of wildlife (I've seen a stoat, muntjac deer, a heron, rabbit, squirrels, moorhens, ducks, a jay, and various other birds) and comfortable and relaxing.In this post I'm using my blog as a reminder to myself for next time, but also as a public service to anyone else heading to Center Parcs. Essentially it's a list of things they don't tell you to bring, but which you really need to bring. They supply the smallest quantities of the basic essentials, but not enough because they want to you to stock up at the extremely expensive ParcMarket.
Washing-up liquid. They give you ONE small sachet. They also give you three dishwasher tablets, but since our lodge only has six place settings' worth of crockery and cutlery we didn't use the dishwasher as we needed the plates.A tea towel or two. They supply one, but that gets wet and dirty quickly.Kitchen towel. They don't supply any.Toilet rolls. They supply you with one per bathroom, and again expect you to buy more at the ParcMarket.Towels. You get a bath towel and hand towel to use in the accommodation, but no pool towels. Bring your own. And ladies with long hair (like me), bring an extra one for your hair.Shampoo, conditioner, shower gel. They provide one tiny bottle of shampoo and conditioner per lodge, and believe me, with all the chlorine getting in your hair you're going to need lots of the stuff. (Also, take it with you when you go to the Subtropical Water World. They have dispensers of shampoo/shower gel, but they're always empty. Also take a small towel to stand on when you get changed - the floor is filthy.)ALL THE FOOD! The ParcMarket is so expensive, as are the restaurants. When you've probably forked out the best part of £500 just for your accommodation for the weekend you really don't need to part with more money, especially when the accommodation kitchen is pretty well equipped. We planned ahead and bought everything we needed for all our meals except two. One of those two was lunch at the Canopy Bar yesterday. For two portions of chips, two drinks, and two burger meals, we paid £40. You see why we bring our own food. (The second of those meals out will be the Pancake House today.)Barbecue stuff. You get a built-in barbecue. If the weather is anything but terrible, it'd be a shame to waste it.Personally I don't think you need a bike. I'm in the lodge which is about as far as you can get from the village centre. It takes me 20 minutes to walk there, and clocks up about 3,000 steps on my Fitbit. Of course, if it was raining I might feel differently. But it costs £31 for a weekend to hire a bike. Maybe bring an umbrella.
November 24, 2018
My First Six Months as a Vegetarian
I became a vegetarian on 23rd May 2018, a spur-of-the-moment decision prompted by a lobster. It's been interesting, and I have to say that I don't miss meat, and I wouldn't ever go back to eating it. There are many things I thought I'd miss, but don't - McDonald's burgers, roast dinners, bacon.
Having said that, there are a couple of things I'm a little wistful about:
Anchovies. I loved anchovies on my pizza or stuffed into olivesChinese food. Almost nothing available in a Chinese restaurant or takeaway is vegetarian.
Prawn crackers have prawns in them (who knew?) and even seaweed has powdered fish sprinkled over the top. I really miss sweet and sour chicken balls, chicken with chilli and salt, and crispy shredded beef. I wish they would do these recipes with beancurd (which is, after all, a Chinese staple) so that I could enjoy them again, but I've yet to find a restaurant locally which does. (One of them explained why: apparently fresh beancurd has a really short shelf-life of only about 24 hours, and there just aren't enough people ordering it to make it worth their while.) I used to love Chinese food, but these days when it's suggested I tend to steer the decision towards Indian instead - there's a great deal of choice when it comes to vegetarian curries.And a few things I've observed:My life seems to be made of chickpeas. Seriously, they're in everything vegetarian. But that's okay because I love them.Many places doing prepacked sandwiches colour-code them. Green packaging means vegetarian. I hadn't realised, in the days when the entire range of sandwiches was open to me, that this was the case.Many meat substitute products taste better than the meat version. Especially anything by Linda McCartney. She's my hero (RIP).People ask weird (and sometimes slightly offensive) questions. Like, "How long are you going to keep it up?", "Do you eat fish?", "Isn't that really unhealthy - where are you getting your protein from?", and "Why?" They also get hung up on the meat substitutes and think that a meal must have Quorn, or Seitan, or some other high-protein meat replacement to be a real meal. Seriously, I'm happy to have my stir-fry be just like your stir fry, but without the chicken.There's a whole grey area to explore regarding what I will and won't eat. I've established that I will eat Taco Bell fries even if they are cooked in the same oil as the chicken, because I don't see that as the same as eating the chicken. Scientists are currently growing meat cells in a laboratory, creating meat which doesn't involve killing an animal. Would I eat that? (Yes, I think so.) Then would I eat meat from an animal which had died of natural causes, given that my primary reason for being vegetarian is that I don't want any animal to die on my behalf? (Really not sure. Maybe if it was deep fried in batter and served with sweet and sour sauce...)If the ingredients include butternut squash, avocado, sweet potato, falafel, pomegranate seeds, beetroot, brie, or caramelised anything, I'm all over it. One of the best presents I ever got (thanks Gwen!) is my little mini slow cooker, which makes just about 2 portions. When I'm cooking for the family the meat version goes in the big family crockpot, and the veggie version is in my cute little one.
It's been an interesting six months, and I am quite happy with the idea of never eating meat again for the rest of my life. So please, stop asking me whether I'm "still" vegetarian.
Having said that, there are a couple of things I'm a little wistful about:
Anchovies. I loved anchovies on my pizza or stuffed into olivesChinese food. Almost nothing available in a Chinese restaurant or takeaway is vegetarian.
Prawn crackers have prawns in them (who knew?) and even seaweed has powdered fish sprinkled over the top. I really miss sweet and sour chicken balls, chicken with chilli and salt, and crispy shredded beef. I wish they would do these recipes with beancurd (which is, after all, a Chinese staple) so that I could enjoy them again, but I've yet to find a restaurant locally which does. (One of them explained why: apparently fresh beancurd has a really short shelf-life of only about 24 hours, and there just aren't enough people ordering it to make it worth their while.) I used to love Chinese food, but these days when it's suggested I tend to steer the decision towards Indian instead - there's a great deal of choice when it comes to vegetarian curries.And a few things I've observed:My life seems to be made of chickpeas. Seriously, they're in everything vegetarian. But that's okay because I love them.Many places doing prepacked sandwiches colour-code them. Green packaging means vegetarian. I hadn't realised, in the days when the entire range of sandwiches was open to me, that this was the case.Many meat substitute products taste better than the meat version. Especially anything by Linda McCartney. She's my hero (RIP).People ask weird (and sometimes slightly offensive) questions. Like, "How long are you going to keep it up?", "Do you eat fish?", "Isn't that really unhealthy - where are you getting your protein from?", and "Why?" They also get hung up on the meat substitutes and think that a meal must have Quorn, or Seitan, or some other high-protein meat replacement to be a real meal. Seriously, I'm happy to have my stir-fry be just like your stir fry, but without the chicken.There's a whole grey area to explore regarding what I will and won't eat. I've established that I will eat Taco Bell fries even if they are cooked in the same oil as the chicken, because I don't see that as the same as eating the chicken. Scientists are currently growing meat cells in a laboratory, creating meat which doesn't involve killing an animal. Would I eat that? (Yes, I think so.) Then would I eat meat from an animal which had died of natural causes, given that my primary reason for being vegetarian is that I don't want any animal to die on my behalf? (Really not sure. Maybe if it was deep fried in batter and served with sweet and sour sauce...)If the ingredients include butternut squash, avocado, sweet potato, falafel, pomegranate seeds, beetroot, brie, or caramelised anything, I'm all over it. One of the best presents I ever got (thanks Gwen!) is my little mini slow cooker, which makes just about 2 portions. When I'm cooking for the family the meat version goes in the big family crockpot, and the veggie version is in my cute little one.
It's been an interesting six months, and I am quite happy with the idea of never eating meat again for the rest of my life. So please, stop asking me whether I'm "still" vegetarian.
October 18, 2018
My Ten-Day Social Media Fast
At the recent October General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, President Nelson, our church leader, challenged the sisters (because he was speaking in the women's session) to fast from social media for ten days. Here's what he said:
"I invite you to participate in a 10-day fast from social media and from any other media that bring negative and impure thoughts to your mind. Pray to know which influences to remove during your fast. The effect of your 10-day fast may surprise you. What do you notice after taking a break from perspectives of the world that have been wounding your spirit? Is there a change in where you now want to spend your time and energy? Have any of your priorities shifted—even just a little? I urge you to record and follow through with each impression."
Now, I didn't see this conference session, and although I began my social media fast on 8th October, I did so because other women reported to me (on social media, ironically) what President Nelson had said. I hadn't heard his exact words, so I didn't pray about what exactly to give up. However, I knew that I spent far too much time on Facebook (I also use Twitter and LinkedIn, but only for work) and that sometimes things I saw there troubled, annoyed or upset me. It seemed to be a useful exercise to reassess my use of social media anyway, so I deleted the Facebook app from my phone and decided to spend time I'd normally waste on Facebook reading the scriptures instead, in line with another challenge the prophet issued.The ten days is over. What did I notice? What has changed? Have my priorities shifted?
It's interesting that my Facebook fast coincided with the update to iOS which included screen time monitoring. So I was able to see exactly what happened when I no longer spent hours scrolling through Facebook. And here's what I found with regard to how I was using my phone.
My most used app (at just over two hours) over the five days in the middle of my fast was indeed the gospel library - hurrah! - as I read all the way through 1 and 2 Nephi in the Book of Mormon. So that part of the social media fast was a success - I really did spend more time in the scriptures.The next most used app was Rightmove (1 hour 47 minutes) and Amazon (59 minutes). I also played some games (Dropwords, Freecell) that I hadn't previously played for months. What do I take from this? That I like to faff. That if I'm not pointlessly wasting time catching up on what people I barely know had for breakfast, I'll pointlessly waste time finding out what the most expensive house in Ffestiniog is (it's this one; I want it more than I can express) despite the fact that I have zero intention of moving in the near future. The Amazon thing is worrying, too. I can't tell you how often I added something totally random to my basket, only to think better of it and delete it again. Basically when I'm bored I fiddle with my phone, and if it's not social media, it's buying something very expensive that I don't need. Or wishing I could.The good bits:It was indeed quite nice not to have everyone's challenging political views and arguments assail me, and not being drawn into them. I have Essex Police on my Facebook feed, and whenever they put up a picture of a criminal they're looking for, it seems every comment is about how that person is "defiantly (sic) a foreigner" as though British people are totally incapable of committing crime. I can't abide this sort of casual racism, and often end up getting drawn in. Pretty sure that counts as a negative influence I can do without in my life. It made me assess my use of time. I did spend a lot of time on Facebook before this, and I did find it a distraction. It was easier to concentrate on what I was doing without it.It was also good not to see an endless stream of hoaxes and appeals to find kids/dogs who were found years ago. I find those so frustrating and annoying. Please, please, everyone, I beg you, check before you post. All those missing children posts which say "takes two seconds to share"? Well, it also only takes two seconds to click on the actual post and see that the first word is "Found". And it only takes ten seconds to go to a site like Hoax Slayer or Snopes and find out whether the thing you're about to tell all your friends about is actually true. I take the general view that nothing I see on Facebook is true. I'm usually right.The bad bits:A friend tagged me in something I needed to know about, and I missed it. I wanted to ask our local area group for a recommendation, and couldn't. I did some interesting stuff (went to Somerset, saw newborn puppies, saw ELO live) and couldn't post the pictures for others to see. I use Facebook as a journal/photo storage, so that was frustrating.I wanted to keep up with what's going on in my friends' lives. Is Suzy's kitchen finished yet? How did the CPJ runners get on at parkrun? What's the next book for bookclub?I couldn't keep up with the general news and chatter - mostly, the aftermath of General Conference, and the Royal pregnancy. (Apparently, every other Latter-day Saint woman was off Facebook too though, so I didn't miss any post-conference discussion)Facebook is where my friends are, and I missed them. Yes, I know I could pick up a phone, but Facebook makes it easy to keep up with what everyone is up to, and comment encouragement, or congratulations, or whatever is needed.My conclusion:I need to be on Facebook. Facebook is what you make it, and I've mostly made it quite a nice place to be. I've long had a policy of unfriending (or unfollowing) anyone who swears or posts anything offensive, and I don't really have any friends who do "look how amazing my life is" posts. Most of the posts I see are uplifting, or funny, or informative, or friendly.
However, I do need to be stricter about the time I spend, and more ruthless in unfriending, unfollowing, and leaving, the parts that really are negative media. Essex Police, sadly that probably has to include you.
July 19, 2018
Why I became Vegetarian (and what I've leaned since)
The Lobster Incident occurred on 23rd May 2018.
I had decided that it was high time my husband and I ate the lobster that had been in our freezer for... well, a while. Since it was for two of us and there's not much meat on a lobster I also got out a couple of salmon fillets.
I'd never prepared lobster before, so I was a little shocked when I tipped the lobster out of its cardboard box because it looked like a lobster. Yes, I wonder what I expected, but there it was, red and dead, an entire animal, looking at me.
I read the instructions on the box. "Twist off the claws. Insert a knife into the back of the head and twist until the shell cracks..." I recoiled in horror. I couldn't do that to this animal.
Some context here. A few years ago I squirted wasp killer at a wasp which was terrorising my dining room. I watched as the innocent creature fell onto the window sill, writhing and twitching horribly, and slowly curled up in a ball of pain and died. I sobbed, horrified that I had been the cause of its suffering and death, wishing I could undo what I had done. Why had I felt I needed to kill it when it had as much right to exist as I did? I still remember that poor wasp, and bitterly regret my selfish action in requiring something else to die for my own comfort, and I've never killed one since.
But the lobster was already dead, and I still couldn't bring myself to take a knife to it. I called my daughter into the kitchen and gave her the knife (she's 17) and asked her to do it. I had to stand at the far end of the room reading the instruction off the box. As she laughed at my patheticness, I explained that I couldn't cut up something which had eyes and was looking at me as I did it.
"You'll be okay cooking the salmon, then," Hari said innocently. "That hasn't got eyes any more."
And with that comment I realised, fully and finally, that much of what I ate could look at me. Not that I hadn't known that before (I'm not that blonde) but perhaps the enormity of it hadn't sunk in. If a chicken could look at me as I cut it up, would I still do it? What about a pig? A lamb?
That was it. Instant decision. No more meat for me. It just stopped making sense that things had to die so that I could eat them.
Now, I love meat. Bacon. Bovril. Burgers. My paprika pork recipe. Christmas turkey. Prawns. Chicken with chilli and salt and crispy shredded beef from Kamble. My harissa meatballs recipe. Harvester's waffles with buttermilk chicken and bacon and maple syrup. But I love animals too. I love my dog so much I just paid £8,000 to a specialist vet to make him well again. I no longer want animals to die so that I can eat them.
My husband was quite sad and dismayed at my decision (and didn't believe it for a couple of days) because he felt I'd be missing out. But I've eaten meat for almost fifty years, so I think I've had plenty. I promised him that he would still get to enjoy all the food he did before, and I would cook what I had always cooked, I would just do a little something else for me. So the next day I made macaroni cheese, and the big pan for the family had gammon in it (as usual) and the little pot for me had cherry tomatoes and spinach in it. I made fajitas with chicken as usual for the family, and sweet potatoes and mixed beans for me. My freezer is stocked with lots of very delicious Quorn and Linda McCartney meals.
In just these few weeks there have been several occasions where I've been very glad to be vegetarian. The missionaries brought an investigator to dinner recently, and he bought some food with him for us all to try. Goat curry. Now, I've eaten goat before, so it wasn't a big deal, but since I was veggie now I just had the mashed okra side-dish he'd made. It wasn't until after everyone else had eaten the curry that he told us it wasn't just regular goat meat, but goat liver and kidney.
Then we had a hog roast for seminary graduation. There was an entire pig in our cultural hall, its ears and snout singed black, its eyes looking at me, its body being carved up for our hungry graduates. The Hog Roast people had brought an alternative for the vegetarians - a wholemeal halloumi wrap with Mediterranean roasted vegetables and a yogurt and mint dressing. It was delicious. I watched as the chef twisted off the pig's head and threw it in the bin, and was glad that it wasn't done on my account.
The question people ask most often is whether I eat fish. Well, no. It would be somewhat disingenuous to become vegetarian because of a lobster, and then continue eating fish.
So far I am absolutely loving being vegetarian. Yes, there are some menu challenges (how disappointing seitan was!) but I am happier with myself, as though some dichotomy has been resolved. I like vegetarian me more than I liked carnivore me.
I'm also finally losing weight. After six (six!) years at Slimming World during which I had only lost a stone, I'm finally getting some good results on the scales and reaching new goals.
I don't think that's because a vegetarian diet is any healthier or lower in calories. The things that are and always were my weakness, diet-wise - crisps, chocolate, cake, cheese - are vegetarian and still very much temptations. What has made the biggest difference is (i) the lack of choice, and (ii) the lack of convenience.
Here's how the choice thing works. I go to the Legal Charities Garden Party each year, and each year there will be a tray or two of canapes on our table. Last year I stood at the stall talking to people about LawCare and eating all the canapes. Then I went round to some of the other stands and ate all their canapes too. If food is there, I will eat it.
This year, however, I was vegetarian, and there was only one vegetarian option on the tray - a little chilli pepper stuffed with cream cheese. So I ate all three of them, and then I had to stop eating.
Similarly at buffets, meetings and events, only about 25% of the food will be vegetarian, and that means I don't eat it all.
As for convenience, I love McDonald's. Fast food in general, if I'm honest, but McDonald's is by far the most common in our area. If I'm driving around, maybe dropping children wherever they want to go, and I'm feeling a bit peckish, I could just pull into the nearest drive-thru and have a cheeseburger in my hand in three minutes.
Not any more. Yes, all the fast food places have vegetarian options, and they're all pretty good and reasonably priced, but they're not fast. With fewer vegetarians around they cook these to order. Last time I went to McDonald's I waited 15 minutes for my spicy vegetable deluxe. So now when I'm feeling a bit hungry and driving past a McDonald's I carry on, because it's quicker to go home and make a marmite sandwich.
Another question I'm often asked is whether I have any regrets. The answer is no, not really. The only possible regret I have is that I wish I'd know this was going to happen so that I could have appreciated all the "lasts". The last cheeseburger I'll ever eat. The last Bovril sandwich. The last chicken with chilli and salt. So that I could savour them and say farewell properly.
I've discovered that some interesting and unexpected things are vegetarian. Beef gravy granules (yes, really!) Bacon crumbles. And some equally interesting things aren't. Worcestershire sauce. Jelly.
If you'd asked me a year ago if I'd ever go vegetarian, I'd have laughed. "I'd miss meat too much", I'd doubtless have said. I've found I miss it much less than I could ever have expected, but that's possibly because this is the right time to go vegetarian, with so many fantastic meat alternatives available. Linda McCartney's pulled "pork" burgers are juicy and delicious, and her sausage rolls are better than meat ones. Quorn crispy fillets are so tasty I'm eating way too many of them.
I never did eat any of that lobster.
I had decided that it was high time my husband and I ate the lobster that had been in our freezer for... well, a while. Since it was for two of us and there's not much meat on a lobster I also got out a couple of salmon fillets.
I'd never prepared lobster before, so I was a little shocked when I tipped the lobster out of its cardboard box because it looked like a lobster. Yes, I wonder what I expected, but there it was, red and dead, an entire animal, looking at me.
I read the instructions on the box. "Twist off the claws. Insert a knife into the back of the head and twist until the shell cracks..." I recoiled in horror. I couldn't do that to this animal.
Some context here. A few years ago I squirted wasp killer at a wasp which was terrorising my dining room. I watched as the innocent creature fell onto the window sill, writhing and twitching horribly, and slowly curled up in a ball of pain and died. I sobbed, horrified that I had been the cause of its suffering and death, wishing I could undo what I had done. Why had I felt I needed to kill it when it had as much right to exist as I did? I still remember that poor wasp, and bitterly regret my selfish action in requiring something else to die for my own comfort, and I've never killed one since.
But the lobster was already dead, and I still couldn't bring myself to take a knife to it. I called my daughter into the kitchen and gave her the knife (she's 17) and asked her to do it. I had to stand at the far end of the room reading the instruction off the box. As she laughed at my patheticness, I explained that I couldn't cut up something which had eyes and was looking at me as I did it.
"You'll be okay cooking the salmon, then," Hari said innocently. "That hasn't got eyes any more."
And with that comment I realised, fully and finally, that much of what I ate could look at me. Not that I hadn't known that before (I'm not that blonde) but perhaps the enormity of it hadn't sunk in. If a chicken could look at me as I cut it up, would I still do it? What about a pig? A lamb?
That was it. Instant decision. No more meat for me. It just stopped making sense that things had to die so that I could eat them.
Now, I love meat. Bacon. Bovril. Burgers. My paprika pork recipe. Christmas turkey. Prawns. Chicken with chilli and salt and crispy shredded beef from Kamble. My harissa meatballs recipe. Harvester's waffles with buttermilk chicken and bacon and maple syrup. But I love animals too. I love my dog so much I just paid £8,000 to a specialist vet to make him well again. I no longer want animals to die so that I can eat them.
My husband was quite sad and dismayed at my decision (and didn't believe it for a couple of days) because he felt I'd be missing out. But I've eaten meat for almost fifty years, so I think I've had plenty. I promised him that he would still get to enjoy all the food he did before, and I would cook what I had always cooked, I would just do a little something else for me. So the next day I made macaroni cheese, and the big pan for the family had gammon in it (as usual) and the little pot for me had cherry tomatoes and spinach in it. I made fajitas with chicken as usual for the family, and sweet potatoes and mixed beans for me. My freezer is stocked with lots of very delicious Quorn and Linda McCartney meals.
In just these few weeks there have been several occasions where I've been very glad to be vegetarian. The missionaries brought an investigator to dinner recently, and he bought some food with him for us all to try. Goat curry. Now, I've eaten goat before, so it wasn't a big deal, but since I was veggie now I just had the mashed okra side-dish he'd made. It wasn't until after everyone else had eaten the curry that he told us it wasn't just regular goat meat, but goat liver and kidney.
Then we had a hog roast for seminary graduation. There was an entire pig in our cultural hall, its ears and snout singed black, its eyes looking at me, its body being carved up for our hungry graduates. The Hog Roast people had brought an alternative for the vegetarians - a wholemeal halloumi wrap with Mediterranean roasted vegetables and a yogurt and mint dressing. It was delicious. I watched as the chef twisted off the pig's head and threw it in the bin, and was glad that it wasn't done on my account.
The question people ask most often is whether I eat fish. Well, no. It would be somewhat disingenuous to become vegetarian because of a lobster, and then continue eating fish.
So far I am absolutely loving being vegetarian. Yes, there are some menu challenges (how disappointing seitan was!) but I am happier with myself, as though some dichotomy has been resolved. I like vegetarian me more than I liked carnivore me.
I'm also finally losing weight. After six (six!) years at Slimming World during which I had only lost a stone, I'm finally getting some good results on the scales and reaching new goals.
I don't think that's because a vegetarian diet is any healthier or lower in calories. The things that are and always were my weakness, diet-wise - crisps, chocolate, cake, cheese - are vegetarian and still very much temptations. What has made the biggest difference is (i) the lack of choice, and (ii) the lack of convenience.
Here's how the choice thing works. I go to the Legal Charities Garden Party each year, and each year there will be a tray or two of canapes on our table. Last year I stood at the stall talking to people about LawCare and eating all the canapes. Then I went round to some of the other stands and ate all their canapes too. If food is there, I will eat it.
This year, however, I was vegetarian, and there was only one vegetarian option on the tray - a little chilli pepper stuffed with cream cheese. So I ate all three of them, and then I had to stop eating.
Similarly at buffets, meetings and events, only about 25% of the food will be vegetarian, and that means I don't eat it all.
As for convenience, I love McDonald's. Fast food in general, if I'm honest, but McDonald's is by far the most common in our area. If I'm driving around, maybe dropping children wherever they want to go, and I'm feeling a bit peckish, I could just pull into the nearest drive-thru and have a cheeseburger in my hand in three minutes.
Not any more. Yes, all the fast food places have vegetarian options, and they're all pretty good and reasonably priced, but they're not fast. With fewer vegetarians around they cook these to order. Last time I went to McDonald's I waited 15 minutes for my spicy vegetable deluxe. So now when I'm feeling a bit hungry and driving past a McDonald's I carry on, because it's quicker to go home and make a marmite sandwich.
Another question I'm often asked is whether I have any regrets. The answer is no, not really. The only possible regret I have is that I wish I'd know this was going to happen so that I could have appreciated all the "lasts". The last cheeseburger I'll ever eat. The last Bovril sandwich. The last chicken with chilli and salt. So that I could savour them and say farewell properly.
I've discovered that some interesting and unexpected things are vegetarian. Beef gravy granules (yes, really!) Bacon crumbles. And some equally interesting things aren't. Worcestershire sauce. Jelly.
If you'd asked me a year ago if I'd ever go vegetarian, I'd have laughed. "I'd miss meat too much", I'd doubtless have said. I've found I miss it much less than I could ever have expected, but that's possibly because this is the right time to go vegetarian, with so many fantastic meat alternatives available. Linda McCartney's pulled "pork" burgers are juicy and delicious, and her sausage rolls are better than meat ones. Quorn crispy fillets are so tasty I'm eating way too many of them.
I never did eat any of that lobster.
Book Review: Road to Covered Bridge
Okay, I'll say it - this writer is a better writer than me. I'm honoured to share a publisher with her. Her writing style is the kind that wins high-brow awards for literature.This book reminded me very much of “To Kill a Mockingbird”, not just because it’s written from the point of view of a spirited child, but because of the lyrical, meandering prose which really was beautiful, evocative and authentic. The book leaves a lot of questions unanswered, and you get the feeling that the answers are just out of the reach of our narrator, but the characters are fully rounded and intriguing.
It’s masterfully written and feels very much like "real life" in that it's not nicely packaged with trite answers, clear endings, and sensible conversations - in fact, I loved the parts where the family were all talking at once, often about different subjects, and in a very disjointed way, because that is what family life with children is really like.
Although this isn’t an era or area which much interests me, if frontier history is your thing, you’ll probably love the detail and the images it conjures.
July 5, 2018
Introducing The Husband Hunt
My last novel, Fields of Glory, was published in April this year, and any day now my next book, The Husband Hunt, will hit the shelves. I feel suddenly prolific!
Just to clarify, though, I didn't write an entire book in three months. In fact, The Husband Hunt is the product of the best part of a decade of work. I first came up with the idea of four friends having a competition to see which of them can find a man to marry first in around 2005. It would be a comedy, I decided, and include lots of hilarious disastrous dates.
To help with the "research" I fired up the chocolate fountain and invited all my female friends over for a party at which they would each talk about their dating adventures. It was a really fun evening, and we heard some stories which left us open-mouthed in astonishment, many of which made it into the book. When you read the book bear in mind that almost all the dating disasters in it are genuine incidents. (My personal favourite is the only proposal in the book, which happened to my friend Sue.)
I've been working on it, on and off, for the last ten years, but with the success of Fields of Glory, my World War II novel, my publishers were keen to bring out another book from me, and The Husband Hunt is the result. Its working title was Finders Keepers (which is why the mythical perfect man is referred to as a "keeper" quite often in the book) but I changed the name to The Husband Hunt when I submitted it, and, for once, my title was kept. The cover design was the more problematic factor with this book, but I'm very happy with how it ended up.
I'm pleased with the book itself too. I'm still learning my craft, but I think this is my best thing I've written so far. It touches on some serious issues - sexual harassment, alcoholism, mental illness - and I've deliberately made my characters not always likeable, but I think it still maintains a light tone. I hope you enjoy it!
On that note, I'm looking for reviewers - as many as possible! You'll be sent a free PDF of the book, but in return you'll be expected to read it quickly, then post an honest review on Amazon, Deseret Book, and any blog or social media you have. (If you're a writer yourself I'm happy to return the favour for your next book.) Just drop me a message through my Facebook page (www.facebook.com/annajonesbuttimore) including your email address, and I'll send you the PDF. So if you'd love to read the book but can't quite afford to buy it at the moment, here's your opportunity.
Just to clarify, though, I didn't write an entire book in three months. In fact, The Husband Hunt is the product of the best part of a decade of work. I first came up with the idea of four friends having a competition to see which of them can find a man to marry first in around 2005. It would be a comedy, I decided, and include lots of hilarious disastrous dates.To help with the "research" I fired up the chocolate fountain and invited all my female friends over for a party at which they would each talk about their dating adventures. It was a really fun evening, and we heard some stories which left us open-mouthed in astonishment, many of which made it into the book. When you read the book bear in mind that almost all the dating disasters in it are genuine incidents. (My personal favourite is the only proposal in the book, which happened to my friend Sue.)
I've been working on it, on and off, for the last ten years, but with the success of Fields of Glory, my World War II novel, my publishers were keen to bring out another book from me, and The Husband Hunt is the result. Its working title was Finders Keepers (which is why the mythical perfect man is referred to as a "keeper" quite often in the book) but I changed the name to The Husband Hunt when I submitted it, and, for once, my title was kept. The cover design was the more problematic factor with this book, but I'm very happy with how it ended up.
I'm pleased with the book itself too. I'm still learning my craft, but I think this is my best thing I've written so far. It touches on some serious issues - sexual harassment, alcoholism, mental illness - and I've deliberately made my characters not always likeable, but I think it still maintains a light tone. I hope you enjoy it!
On that note, I'm looking for reviewers - as many as possible! You'll be sent a free PDF of the book, but in return you'll be expected to read it quickly, then post an honest review on Amazon, Deseret Book, and any blog or social media you have. (If you're a writer yourself I'm happy to return the favour for your next book.) Just drop me a message through my Facebook page (www.facebook.com/annajonesbuttimore) including your email address, and I'll send you the PDF. So if you'd love to read the book but can't quite afford to buy it at the moment, here's your opportunity.
