Stephanie Jensen's Blog, page 2

Pre-Thanksgiving Stress Disorder Review: You’ll Want to Stop Eating Turkey

Before starting this review, I need to apologize. I wanted to get this review out during Thanksgiving time—hence the title is Pre-Thanksgiving Stress Disorder. However, that’s when I also started looking for new places to live. One thing after another happened, and then I moved. Now that I’m settled in my new place and can finally breathe, I can write this review.

First, I want to explain how I discovered Rowland Bercy, Jr. I was watching an episode of the podcast he’s on called Written in Red Podcast. He was talking about the book Master of Lies by Graham Masterton, which is one of my favorite books of all time. So I knew I had to read his work, and I wasn’t disappointed.

The first Bercy, Jr. book I chose was Pre-Thanksgiving Stress Disorder. I’m a huge animal lover and always enjoy reading books where animal cruelty is placed at the forefront. As you can tell by the title, this book deals with Thanksgiving and turkey slaughter.

Just a brief warning: there is animal abuse content in here. This shouldn’t be surprising; after all, this book does center around a slaughterhouse. If you’re sensitive to this content, I suggest skipping the first chapter.

What Is This Book About?

Pre-Thanksgiving Stress Disorder centers around one family-run turkey slaughterhouse. The family running the business doesn’t treat their turkeys well. We also quickly meet our protagonist, Rebecca, an animal rights activist and vegetarian protesting Thanksgiving turkey slaughter. But then she develops a sinister idea to end the awful turkey torture and murder.

The Characters

The main protagonist is Rebecca, an animal rights activist living in Minnesota. In case you didn’t know, Minnesota is the biggest turkey slaughter state in the entire country. We also quickly learn she’s on depression and antipsychotic medications. You also discover she doesn’t work since she received an inheritance.

We also meet the McIntyre family, the ones who run the turkey slaughterhouse. Dwight owns the farm and runs it with his wife, Jennifer. The two sons, Philip and Patrick, also engage in the slaughter. The whole family is terrible. Dwight doesn’t care for the turkey pens, admitting there are feces everywhere (yuck, I’m so glad I don’t eat poultry anymore), the boys beat the turkeys, and Jennifer is convinced that the best way to cook a turkey is to cook it while it’s alive.

In short, this family deserves what’s coming for them.

Of course, you have the turkeys. Bercy, Jr. makes you sympathize with them, describing the turkeys as simple creatures that don’t deserve this cruelty.

What Does Rebecca Do?

I don’t want to give away the whole story, but Rebecca soon realizes that protesting outside the slaughterhouse won’t save the turkeys. The only way she can save them is to take care of the problem—in the most brutal way possible. Still, she goes in well-planned, watching the McIntyres during their day-to-day lives and identifying the conditions of their turkeys.

Bercy describes her character well. In a way, she’s an anti-hero. One part of you thinks she’s doing something noble to save the turkeys. However, he makes her out to be a flawed character. As I mentioned, Rebecca is mentally unstable. Since she doesn’t work, she obsessively researches animal rights, PETA, and similar topics.

Overall Thoughts of the Book

First, this book is short—about 80 pages on Kindle. I finished it in a day or two. Still, Bercy, Jr. packs a massive punch here. The book is brutal, but the characters are strong, and all the torture and violent scenes fit the story (especially if you know a thing or two about poultry slaughterhouses). You also empathize with the turkeys and develop a connection with Rebecca, rooting her on the entire time.

And most importantly, you’ll want to stop eating turkey after reading this book.

Where To Buy Pre-Thanksgiving Stress Disorder

I honestly have no idea if I bought it on Godless or Amazon. I originally thought I bought my copy on Godless, but I no longer see it there. Either way, you can get Pre-Thanksgiving Stress Disorder on Amazon (e-book and physical) and Audible (audiobook). Follow Rowland Bercy, Jr. by visiting his website.

The Best Books I Read in 2022

This has to be one of the best years for books! I read everything from the legends to the indie authors, and the genres I read stem from human monsters to the paranormal, historical horror to serial killers–and everything else in between. I also discovered many amazing authors and added more of their work to my TBR! I’m also fortunate to have met some of these authors, and everyone in the horror community I’ve met has been so nice.

It was extremely difficult making this list of the best books I read in 2022. Note that not all of these books were released this year, just ones I stumbled upon.

Without further ado, here are the best books I read this year, starting from 10. I will also list some honorable mentions at the bottom.

10. Body Art by Kristopher TrianaCredit: Amazon

Kristopher Triana is quickly becoming one of my favorite authors. And if you’re looking for a good book that introduces the sheer depravity of Triana’s mind, well, this is the book for you. This book features everything—porn stars making a snuff film, some necrophiliac building the woman of his dreams with dead body parts, and other crazy stuff I would never have thought of. Let’s put it this way–the ending is a perfect combination of Marquis de Sade and David Lynch.

9. The Clown Hunt by Judith SonnetCredit: Amazon

First, I have to say that I hate clowns. I never liked them, even before I knew that It was a thing. But this isn’t your normal clown horror story. After reading The Clown Hunt, I have a little more sympathy for these odd characters.

This was the first Judith Sonnet book I ever read, and I’m a fan. This book contains as much gore and murder as any extreme horror fan could ever want. But this book was more than just clown torture—Sonnet creates realistic characters and writes excellent stories. The twist at the end added to the fun of reading this book. I also met Sonnet at Killercon this year, and she’s such a sweetheart.

8. Tender Is the Flesh by Augustina BazterricaCredit: Amazon

I’m a hipster when it comes to books and avoid anything overly hyped. However, Tender Is the Flesh deserves the hype it’s receiving. This is one of the few books that is powerful enough to change lives.

Even though the videos of slaughter farms and animal testing labs have changed our perceptions of our treatment of animals, we still exploit animals regularly. Think about it. We use animals for entertainment, keep them as pets, and hunt them for fun. The list goes on. These are facts I already knew, but this concept may be mind-blowing for some readers.

But what if we don’t have animals? Would humans magically become a bunch of happy hippies, munching on carrots grown freshly in the garden while worshipping Mother Earth? Yeah, right. We would start exploiting other humans the same way we do animals.

This book is sick and depraved in ways that other books aren’t. While reading Tender, you’re deconstructing your perception of society and understanding how much we rely on animals.

While this is a horror/dystopian book, there is some serious gore. Humans get cut up, tested for substances, hunted, and bred for slaughter.

Augustina Bazterrica also writes a story within a story. On one part, you’re focusing on this new terrifying world where humans are bred for meat. Conversely, Bazterrica focuses on one character struggling with his turmoils while slaughtering humans for work. This is a very complex and eye-opening book with a sudden twist.

7. Talia by Daniel J. VolpeCredit: Amazon

All I can say is I want to be Talia when I grow up.

Talia is part “suburban woman moves to NYC and gets caught up in the porn business”, part snuff film, and part supernatural. Because of this, you connect with Talia’s character. At first, she got caught up in the wrong business working for bad people. But it’s when she becomes the “bad character” is when you fall in love with her.

The book becomes sicker and sicker as you read. It’s even beyond the gore; there’s evil in every word, and it hooks you in until the very end. There is a lot of violence in the book, but it’s not “gore for the sake of gore.” Overall, this is a very well-written extreme horror book and one I will add to the neverending “Favorite Books By Daniel J. Volpe” list.

6. Dead Inside by Chandler MorrisonCredit: Amazon

“My dick could cut through diamonds right now.” Man, do I wish I was the wrote who wrote that line. Chandler Morrison, you are something else.

And where do I begin with this book? Morrison created a story where two fucked up people meet and connect over…well, how they’re fucked up. These two characters have been rejected by society and can only indulge in their immoral pleasures to each other.

But do you feel dead inside after reading this book? I honestly thought it was a fun read. Morrison injects the right amount of humor into this depraved book; some scenes make you gag, while others make you laugh.

Chandler Morrison is an excellent writer whose characters are well-developed, but this book isn’t for everyone. But if you don’t mind reading about grotesque and taboo desires, then you’ll enjoy this book as much as I did.

5. The Groomer by Jon AthanCredit: Amazon

Even in extreme horror, there are taboos. Any violence or depravity against children is a total blackmark for most publishers. Unfortunately, violence is committed against children every day. Horror is a brutal genre but an honest one. It’s up to horror writers to talk about these heinous acts but in a safer fictional space.

Jon Athan did just that with The Groomer. But Athan has a way of telling a disturbing story while not glorifying violence or victimizing anyone. Instead, Athan proves how easy it is for a child to end up in the hands of a predator. It must have been difficult to do that with a story like The Groomer, but the vigilante dad trope added the much-needed break from the other sick scenes.

With that being said, this is a book I wouldn’t recommend to just anyone. But it is a very important read in the extreme horror genre—especially for parents.

4. True Crime by Samantha KolesnikCredit: Amazon

I struggled with the top four, unsure of where to place all of these books. I honestly think these four books are my number one pick.

This is one of the few books I read where the writing is so amazing that I wish I wrote this book. Kolesnik has such a beautiful yet unsettling way of portraying a psychopath. At the same time, Kolesnik doesn’t go overboard with her darlings. There’s just enough poetic language to where the book grips your soul, but it still takes you along for the ride.

This story is more than your traditional horror book. The main character, Suzy, and her brother, Lim, are victims of abuse at the hands of their mother. But then the siblings tick, and they go on a murderous rampage.

What I think I love most about this book is there is no clear line between perpetrator and victim. Suzy and Lim are victimized in one chapter, then they murder in the next. You read about the horrid crimes that Suzy commits and the harassment and abuse she receives—from her mother and various men. Because of this, their characters are more realistic.

The book isn’t too long; I think it’s technically a novella. If you can, listen to it on audiobook. The narrator they chose is fantastic.

3. 400 Days of Oppression by Wrath James WhiteCredit: Amazon

With 400 Days of Oppression, Wrath James White takes the abhorrent treatment of African slaves and re-tells it into a BDSM horror novel. Kenyatta wants his girlfriend, Natasha, to devote her love to him. How does he do that? By putting her through the horrors that the slaves endured for 400 days. Kenyatta built a slave ship for Natasha, forced her to clean and cook, and even sold her at a slave auction.

Wrath James White portrays Kenyatta as a man who was the victim of racism, which morphed him into a monster. Knowing this, the reader struggles throughout this book. Should you empathize with Kenyatta or hate him? White also combines depravity with sex, forcing many emotions on the reader.

At the end of the day, this is a horror novel. But the real horror isn’t the blood and guts. The real horror is a reminder that the actions Kenyatta forced upon Natasha happened at one point in history.

This is more than just one of the best books I read this year. This is one of the best books I read, period.

2. Left to You by Daniel J. VolpeCredit: Amazon

Volpe has been praised for this book, and for good reason. I love this book because it’s one you think you know what it’s about, but then Volpe takes an even darker turn.

We first meet Robert Sinclair, a young man working two jobs while caring for his cancer-stricken mother. We also meet Josef Lazerowitz, a Holocaust survivor who befriends Sinclair. Lazerowitz is also dying but wants to give his friend Sinclair something before he passes. Something inhuman and sinister, but something that could save his mother. Very quickly, Robert finds himself doing unspeakable things in hopes that his mother’s health will improve.

This book is not only filled with horror but is also filled with love, fear, tragedy, and heartbreak. Volpe doesn’t hold back when discussing the brutal reality of Auschwitz, yet he also takes the story in a different yet equally dark direction. I have to say, I’m not a fan of the paranormal, but I am a fan of history. But the paranormal twist does bring unexpected life into this book.

As with anything by Volpe, the book is extremely well-written. Even before opening a page, I knew I would love this book.

I have one complaint. There is a brief animal abuse/death scene. Animal abuse/death is my only trigger, and I know it’s a common trigger for others. The scene occurs in chapter 4, so skip that one if you don’t want to read about animal abuse. It doesn’t give away anything important but hints at the twist.

1. Prodigal Blues by Gary A. BraunbeckCredit: Amazon

Wow. Just wow. This is one of the most disturbing yet amazing books I’ve ever read. It was randomly recommended to me, and I honestly can’t remember by who. I love crime fiction, so I decided to give it a shot. What I didn’t expect was the depravity, abuse, and torture, yet also the heartbreak and love contained in this one book.

I follow BookTok and watch every “most disturbing book I ever read” video. No one has mentioned this book. Not one. Other than the person who recommended this book to me, I’ve only seen it promoted on my favorite subreddit, r/ExtremeHorrorLit.

A man, Mark, is on some mundane road trip. He’s eating at a diner when he sees a Missing Girl poster and also notices the girl in the diner. However, things take a drastic turn for this man, and his life will never be the same.

One of my problems with extreme horror is you don’t often connect to the characters. But this book is the exception. The survivors in this book fell into the hands of a monster and endured unspeakable abuse. Because of this, you cheer them on throughout the entire book. Mark begins as a funny but annoying character, but he quickly turns into one of the best protagonists I’ve ever read.

This is another book where you think you know what it’s about, but it takes a turn you don’t expect. The beginning is a little boring, but it gets so much better. I won’t give anything away, but the descriptions will haunt me for life.

Honorable Mentions

Bug Spray by Felix I.D. Dimaro

We Are Here to Hurt Each Other by Paula D. Ashe

Into the Wolves’ Den by Jon Athan

Hank Flynn by Candace Nola

A Bouquet of Viscera by Bridgett Nelson

The Cover Collection Review: Why I Recommend Their Premade Book Covers

The featured image is taken from The Cover Collection’s website.

When I was in the process of publishing my first book, Dissecting House, I had no idea what to do about the book cover. At first, I tried to DIY my cover. I do photography and my roommate at the time was a graphic designer, so I figured I would save some money and try to create a book cover myself. Even with my roommate’s help, it didn’t turn out well at all.

I was on a women’s writing Facebook group and asked for their advice. One of the group members said she makes premade book covers. I never heard of premade book covers before. The idea appealed to me since I could get a high-quality book cover at an affordable price.

She DM’d me a few book covers she thought I would like, but none of them fit the vision I had for my book. I wanted my book cover character to hold a knife, but most other covers showed a masculine hand. Dissecting House is about a female serial killer, so I had to search a few portfolios before finding the perfect cover on The Cover Collection. The cover shows someone holding a bloody knife, and the hand looks feminine. That’s the book cover that’s still on Dissecting House today.

Since then, I’ve purchased two more premade book covers from The Cover Collection, including the cover for the Dissecting House sequel Screaming Streets and the cover for The Howling of the Dead.

I really appreciate everything that The Cover Collection and Debbie have done for me over the years, so I wanted to write an honest review of The Cover Collection and why you should consider this company for both premade and custom book designs.

Services

Before I start this review, I want to go over The Cover Collection’s services. This way, you’ll know more about this company and if they can fit your needs.

Premade Book Covers

The Cover Collection offers a range of professionally-made premade book covers. Many writers and publishers complain that premade book covers are unoriginal, but I don’t see that from The Cover Collection’s premades. One look at the horror section and I see book covers that can fit various books in the genre, such as paranormal, zombie, and serial killers. The Cover Collection offers premade covers for e-book, print, and audiobook formats. They will also include marketing materials for free, which I use on my social media accounts and blog.

Reserving your premade book cover is easy. You’ll fill out a form and include the book cover ID (you do this by clicking the cover you want and hovering your cursor over the image) and will pay The Cover Collection via PayPal. From here, The Cover Collection will contact you with an estimated finish date. They always include multiple font and design options, which I really appreciate.

Custom Design

The Cover Collection can also make custom-designed covers. However, they’re closed for custom designs until next year.

Genres

When I was finding a premade book cover, I was worried that I wouldn’t find covers for extreme horror books. But I was pleasantly surprised to see that The Cover Collection offers several extreme horror book cover options, in addition to covers in the thriller and suspense genres.

They also make covers in nearly every other genre, such as:

RomanceMystery/SuspenseThrillerHorrorSci-fiCozy MysteryFantasyDesign Quality

Let’s put it this way — if I had a dollar for every person, reader, and colleague who asked “who designs your book covers? They look so good!” then I would have enough money to buy another premade book cover.

I’ve searched other portfolios for premade book cover services, and no company offers The Cover Collection’s quality. All of these covers are ones I can see on Barnes and Noble’s shelves. It’s difficult to find high-quality book covers that aren’t too expensive, especially since self-published authors may use their own money to fund their books.

With that being said, how much do these amazing book covers cost?

Price

I honestly think The Cover Collection’s premade cover prices are more affordable than many other services on the market. Here’s a full list of their premade cover prices:

E-book: £60 ($65.83 USD)E-book and print package: £120 ($131.66 USD)Full cover package — e-book, print, and audiobook: £145 ($150.09 USD)

I’m not sure if The Cover Collection can do only print or audiobook covers, so I would ask if you only need a non-digital cover. I always purchased the e-book and print package.

Did I Experience Any Problems?

There was one time when my last name was spelled incorrectly on the book spine, but they were able to fix it immediately at no extra charge. It wasn’t a big deal to me, but I do suggest double-checking your book cover before publishing it.

Support The Cover Collection

I recommend The Cover Collection to anyone who needs a premade book cover. The Cover Collection offers a range of premade book covers available in nearly every genre, including extreme horror. All of their covers look professional and are all unique. This company can also create custom covers, though they’re closed for custom designs for the remainder of the year.

I rarely experienced problems with this company; they give me plenty of font options to choose from, and they always deliver my cover in a timely manner.

If you’re interested in getting a book cover from The Cover Collection, start by searching their catalog.

Support The Cover Collection:

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Stephanie E. Jensen Featured on Vox&Hops Podcast

I’m happy to announce that I was a guest on Vox&Hops Metal Podcast! Thanks to Matt McGachy for inviting me to the show!

Matt and I discussed how I started writing, writing horror, my books, metal journalism, and of course craft beer! I was drinking the beer Chipie by Archibald Brasserie.

The link to listen/watch the podcast is in the comments. And make sure you support Vox & Hops! Matt does a lot of cool interviews and does so much for the metal and beer communities!

https://www.voxandhops.com/

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/vox-hops-metal-podcast/id1439750341

Review: You’ve Lost a Lot of Blood by Eric LaRocca: “This book is heart-racing and mind-boggling.”

Eric LaRocca is a writer I see everywhere on social media. And like many people, I was first drawn to the covers. The first work I read from LaRocca was Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke and I really liked it. The salamander scene was rough, not going to lie, but I love the innovative and modern writing style. For that story specifically, I loved how the book was written through a series of emails and IMs. I grew up in the early days of email and AIM, so that book also brought me a huge sense of nostalgia.

I think the reason why I like LaRocca so much is that the writing style is different than mine. He’s very poetic yet morbid. I’ve always been a novel person, poetry was never my strong point. Even though I’m picky about poetry, I do love the way that LaRocca writes. LaRocca’s imagery is very ornate but the subject matter is so dark. It’s a very interesting contrast.

I wanted to write a LaRocca review but also wanted to focus on a book I hadn’t read yet. He recently re-released You’ve Lost A Lot of Blood. What I got was that same innovative writing style that I saw in Things Have Gotten Worse, but so much more.

Keep in mind that this edition features the Lost A Lot of Blood novella plus the shorts “Stories You Can’t Tell at Parties” as well as various other shorts and poems. You find out why at the end of the “Stories”/Martyr/Ambrose story, but I’m not going to give it away.

These stories are interwoven throughout the book. I’ll be honest, this was a little confusing at first. Eventually, the reader gets the rhythm. I do compliment LaRocca on this unique way of presenting these various stories and poems. But for the sake of the review, I will separate this review into different sections: one for Lost A Lot of Blood, one for “Stories,” and a general section for the various other poems and shorts.

I purchased this book with my own money and the review of this is very much my own. This review is also spoiler-free.

You’ve Lost a Lot of Blood

Tamsen is much like Things’ Agnes in different ways. Tamsen is hopeful as she approaches the Zimpago mansion. She just landed the gig of a lifetime — helping her favorite video game creator with designing his next game. She’s so enthralled that she doesn’t notice every red flag in her wake.

Tamsen arrives at the mansion with her little brother, Presley. Early on, we learn they have a strained relationship when Tamsen almost leaves him at the gas station. We learn more about their relationship and how Tamsen was forced to take on a guardian role, one she clearly didn’t want. But that will change as we near the end of the book.

Tamsen and Presley meet Nadia, the housekeeper who seems nice at first. But you know something is off. We also meet Dani, who’s the groundskeeper for the property. Again, she seems nice, but you know something else is going down at this mansion — and it has more to do than with video games.

As with all of LaRocca’s stories, the descriptions here are beautiful. We can visualize the exquisite mansion while also picturing the obscene statues that litter the property.

I couldn’t help but think that the mansion was too nice. I mean, I know video game designers, and they’re definitely not living in mansions of that caliber.

The book reaches its peak when Nadia directs Tamsen and Presley to a warehouse a slight way off the property. Here, they find something beyond a virtual reality device — players can become a simulation in the game You’ve Lost A Lot of Blood. Of course, Presley had to play — albeit him being a 10-ish year old in a horror game. Therefore, Nadia went with him. Again, typically horror trope — it would make more sense for Tamsen to go with him, but common sense takes the fun out of horror stories.

After this point, the reader has to pay close attention. LaRocca creates a mindfuck. I can’t describe it — even if I wanted to give out spoilers, I don’t think I could. The reader knows one thing: the Zimpago mansion, the game, and the characters aren’t what they think. But what that really means is a mystery that the reader will have to unfold.

One thing I will say is I love the almost steampunk vibe the book gives off. LaRocca uses imaginative skills to create something horrifying yet so individualistic — centipedes, motor oil, wires, and machinery are the monsters here.

I also appreciate the unique setting and themes. So many horror stories are exactly the same and follow similar characters. LaRocca’s characters are so individualized yet are realistic. This especially goes for Tamsen, who is flawed yet is powerful. Plus, the video game theme is cool. Video games are such a massive trend and influence people’s lives in various ways. Not enough writers use the video game theme in their stories.

Because of this, I honestly think Blood is one of my favorite works from LaRocca. This book is heart-racing and mind-boggling. I definitely recommend this one.

Stories You Can’t Tell at Parties

First, I want to say I honestly have no idea what this story is actually called. Stories You Can’t Tell at Parties is just the title of the first section of these conversations, so that’s what I’ve been calling this story. I will also refer to this as the Martyr/Ambrose story. Feel free to correct me if this story has a different title.

“Stories You Can’t Tell at Parties” is the perfect example of LaRocca’s unique approach to storytelling. The story follows a transcript of conversations between serial killer, Martyr, and his partner, Ambrose.

Martyr forces Ambrose to help him do his bidding. And as you can tell, Martyr is just…well a terrible person overall. I won’t give away the story, but he’s a sadist and antisocial person who has no care in the world for others. Deep down, you know he doesn’t care about Ambrose. LaRocca portrays Martyr well to where the reader knows he’s a sick person. There is no glorification for the killer here.

Even though Stories and Blood are different, they still intertwine really well. They are both so unnerving that it’s not a huge adjustment to move from one to the next. If anything, after reading a chapter of Blood, you get excited to learn what Martyr and Ambrose are up to.

Because of that, I think I like “Stories” more than Blood. Reading the conversations between Martyr and Ambrose is so compelling. Plus, you can’t predict the ending.

Other Stories and Poems

Other than these two stories, LaRocca features many poems and other short stories throughout this text. You’ll find out why, but I won’t give it away here. Here’s a review of each of them.

Relics From the Night We Both Perished

In a way, this short reminds me of the Martyr and Ambrose stories. It focuses on a serial killer who murdered his lover. It’s written more like a confession after the murder and how the killer still obsesses over his actions.

In typical LaRocca fashion, it’s a very gloomy story with beautiful writing and powerful imagery. The character lusts after the victim but also resents certain qualities, such as his chapped lips surrounding the ball gag. This is an example of the many ways that LaRocca plays with the reader’s mind.

The pain in the story doesn’t get to me as much as the main character’s confessions. The character describes going on moonlit drives in the countryside and deciding when to kill his lover. It’s a scary thought — that the person you love and trust may be contemplating your death. It’s also scary knowing that there really are people like this in the world.

You have to wonder if that’s how killers really are. They lust over you and believe they’re killing you for your own good. It’s almost a way to justify their own sadism. That murder is just a fucked up way to express the power you have over another.

I Search for You Until My Lungs Sprout Metal

Even though all of these stories and poems are different, LaRocca has a theme going. As you can see from the title, this poem features some vile imagery with steampunk themes. This poem is very short, only one page long. There is a footnote here (LaRocca included footnotes for references he made in each story). However, this footnote kind of gives the ending to the Martyr/Ambrose story away, so I wouldn’t read that footnote until you finish that story.

Toothpick

When I read extreme horror, I usually don’t question what goes on in the writer’s mind. I am a horror writer, after all, and I know we write this fucked up stuff because we read other fucked up stories. But this poem is an example of one of the few times I question what went on in the writer’s mind. The scene of sticking the toothpick in the ears and the description of bleeding bubbles are unsettling.

This is a poem, so it’s very short — only a little over a page long. But it’s one of the most disturbing works in this entire book. I’m usually not a fan of poetry, but I do like the theme of violence and lust here.

I’d Drown You in Dark Water If You Weren’t So Beautiful

LaRocca and long titles go together like peanut butter and jelly.

But seriously, LaRocca continues the theme of bleak murderous stories. This story begins when the main character slits the throat of his victim. But this one hits harder than the rest here. The character mentions early on that he started killing because his father gave him a pocketknife in an attempt to “correct that behavior.” In other words, the character’s father didn’t approve of him being gay.

There are two types of horror: the horror we see in fiction and real-life horror. Even though this is a fictional story, LaRocca conveys a very true horror. The character here was obviously not accepted by his family and is acting out that trauma in a violent manner.

What I find surprising about the killer in this story is how he personifies his victims. Most killers see their victims as an object. LaRocca sets up this killer as someone who knows his victims enough to call them by name and even knows their basic information, such as where they’re from. And he describes their beauty.

The title comes from our killer meeting his first victim, Carlos, and how he didn’t want to drown him because he was so beautiful. That the unsavory after-effects of drowning weren’t good enough for Carlos. Slitting his throat and covering his body with black blood did more justice to the attractive young man Carlos. The killer wants to remember Carlos as a good-looking man with blood encircling his neck, not a bloated figure bobbing in the water.

This is one of my favorite stories in the entire collection. The killer has a soft spot for his first kill — the mood is sensual yet somber. At the end of the story, we can only focus on the beautiful Carlos and how blood covers his flesh.

The Invention of Skin

The title explains it all — LaRocca is reflecting on the first being to ever have skin. For some reason, I’m just picturing a bunch of humans and animals walking around with their organs hanging out. Then, someone purchases a layer of skin, and then everyone starts wearing skin. Maybe I’m the weirdo.

Seriously, LaRocca is using skin as a metaphor for the secrets we hold. Our skin safeguards us from being exposed. If you look at it that way, the poem becomes even more disturbing.

Diaspora

I’m not sure about this one. “Diaspora” is a word that refers to those of the Jewish faith who live outside of Israel. There aren’t specific Judaic themes here, but religion is a theme. The poem centers around a person watching a group of people from a window. They’re described as undead and inhuman. This poem is a little perplexing so I would be curious to hear other opinions on this one.

The Bone King

The story focuses on death — not a theme that’s completely revolutionary, especially in horror lit. But I do like LaRocca’s take on this trope. When we think of death, we tend to think of what will happen to our souls — not what we will look like or what will happen to our bodies. LaRocca delivers this realization and makes us question if survival is even worth it.

Of course, our character here is a killer. But this killer is unlike the others we saw in this collection. This killer doesn’t care about life. As a killer, the world hates them. They’re only struggling to survive, like everyone else. But at the same time, they believe life is meaningless and are only trying to prove it.

LaRocca also has another theme with this collection: bugs. I hate, hate bugs! We even see pictures of a centipede throughout the book. I actually found a centipede in the apartment the other week so this book just fueled my summertime bug paranoia. The part about the decapitated cockroach reminded me of a time when my friend chopped a massive cockroach in half and it was still alive! Eeeeeek!

But I understand why LaRocca brought bugs into this story. Bugs are often symbolized as death. Salvador Dali is the most famous example of this — ants often appeared in his paintings to depict death.

Chernobyl

This poem also has a footnote. Again, I don’t suggest reading the footnotes until you’re done with the book.

This poem is different from the rest because it was written from the POV of a victim. But this murderer is different from the rest. The killer here is cancer. Brain cancer, to be exact.

Going back to the theme of real-life horror, getting terminal cancer is more a likelihood than getting murdered by a serial killer. I actually felt a bump near my breast a few years ago. The best way to describe the way I felt was a cloud of panic. Fortunately, the bump disappeared and my doctor said it was likely nothing.

Cancer is such a grisly way to go. You can feel yourself getting weaker, feel your life slipping before your eyes until death grips you. Again, real-life horror is the most terrifying type of horror out there and LaRocca conveys this theme well.

Eucharist

LaRocca wrote another book, You Can Never Leave This Place. I haven’t read it yet (it’s on my TBR) but from what I know about that book, this poem follows a similar war theme. With all of the imagery and symbolism, this poem just reflects on the atrocities of war and how it changes people. Again, all of the stories and poems make an appearance in this one poem, so it fits right into this collection.

Where to Buy You’ve Lost a Lot of Blood

I bought You’ve Lost a Lot of Blood on Apple Books. You can also buy it on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.

Review: You Lost a Lot of Blood by Eric LaRocca: “This book is heart-racing and mind-boggling.”

Eric LaRocca is a writer I see everywhere on social media. And like many people, I was first drawn to the covers. The first work I read from LaRocca was Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke and I really liked it. The salamander scene was rough, not going to lie, but I love the innovative and modern writing style. For that story specifically, I loved how the book was written through a series of emails and IMs. I grew up in the early days of email and AIM, so that book also brought me a huge sense of nostalgia.

I think the reason why I like LaRocca so much is that the writing style is different than mine. He’s very poetic yet morbid. I’ve always been a novel person, poetry was never my strong point. Even though I’m picky about poetry, I do love the way that LaRocca writes. LaRocca’s imagery is very ornate but the subject matter is so dark. It’s a very interesting contrast.

I wanted to write a LaRocca review but also wanted to focus on a book I hadn’t read yet. He recently re-released You’ve Lost A Lot of Blood. What I got was that same innovative writing style that I saw in Things Have Gotten Worse, but so much more.

Keep in mind that this edition features the Lost A Lot of Blood novella plus the shorts “Stories You Can’t Tell at Parties” as well as various other shorts and poems. You find out why at the end of the “Stories”/Martyr/Ambrose story, but I’m not going to give it away.

These stories are interwoven throughout the book. I’ll be honest, this was a little confusing at first. Eventually, the reader gets the rhythm. I do compliment LaRocca on this unique way of presenting these various stories and poems. But for the sake of the review, I will separate this review into different sections: one for Lost A Lot of Blood, one for “Stories,” and a general section for the various other poems and shorts.

I purchased this book with my own money and the review of this is very much my own. This review is also spoiler-free.

You Lost a Lot of Blood

Tamsen is much like Things’ Agnes in different ways. Tamsen is hopeful as she approaches the Zimpago mansion. She just landed the gig of a lifetime — helping her favorite video game creator with designing his next game. She’s so enthralled that she doesn’t notice every red flag in her wake.

Tamsen arrives at the mansion with her little brother, Presley. Early on, we learn they have a strained relationship when Tamsen almost leaves him at the gas station. We learn more about their relationship and how Tamsen was forced to take on a guardian role, one she clearly didn’t want. But that will change as we near the end of the book.

Tamsen and Presley meet Nadia, the housekeeper who seems nice at first. But you know something is off. We also meet Dani, who’s the groundskeeper for the property. Again, she seems nice, but you know something else is going down at this mansion — and it has more to do than with video games.

As with all of LaRocca’s stories, the descriptions here are beautiful. We can visualize the exquisite mansion while also picturing the obscene statues that litter the property.

I couldn’t help but think that the mansion was too nice. I mean, I know video game designers, and they’re definitely not living in mansions of that caliber.

The book reaches its peak when Nadia directs Tamsen and Presley to a warehouse a slight way off the property. Here, they find something beyond a virtual reality device — players can become a simulation in the game You Lost A Lot of Blood. Of course, Presley had to play — albeit him being a 10-ish year old in a horror game. Therefore, Nadia went with him. Again, typically horror trope — it would make more sense for Tamsen to go with him, but common sense takes the fun out of horror stories.

After this point, the reader has to pay close attention. LaRocca creates a mindfuck. I can’t describe it — even if I wanted to give out spoilers, I don’t think I could. The reader knows one thing: the Zimpago mansion, the game, and the characters aren’t what they think. But what that really means is a mystery that the reader will have to unfold.

One thing I will say is I love the almost steampunk vibe the book gives off. LaRocca uses imaginative skills to create something horrifying yet so individualistic — centipedes, motor oil, wires, and machinery are the monsters here.

I also appreciate the unique setting and themes. So many horror stories are exactly the same and follow similar characters. LaRocca’s characters are so individualized yet are realistic. This especially goes for Tamsen, who is flawed yet is powerful. Plus, the video game theme is cool. Video games are such a massive trend and influence people’s lives in various ways. Not enough writers use the video game theme in their stories.

Because of this, I honestly think Blood is one of my favorite works from LaRocca. This book is heart-racing and mind-boggling. I definitely recommend this one.

Stories You Can’t Tell at Parties

First, I want to say I honestly have no idea what this story is actually called. Stories You Can’t Tell at Parties is just the title of the first section of these conversations, so that’s what I’ve been calling this story. I will also refer to this as the Martyr/Ambrose story. Feel free to correct me if this story has a different title.

“Stories You Can’t Tell at Parties” is the perfect example of LaRocca’s unique approach to storytelling. The story follows a transcript of conversations between serial killer, Martyr, and his partner, Ambrose.

Martyr forces Ambrose to help him do his bidding. And as you can tell, Martyr is just…well a terrible person overall. I won’t give away the story, but he’s a sadist and antisocial person who has no care in the world for others. Deep down, you know he doesn’t care about Ambrose. LaRocca portrays Martyr well to where the reader knows he’s a sick person. There is no glorification for the killer here.

Even though Stories and Blood are different, they still intertwine really well. They are both so unnerving that it’s not a huge adjustment to move from one to the next. If anything, after reading a chapter of Blood, you get excited to learn what Martyr and Ambrose are up to.

Because of that, I think I like “Stories” more than Blood. Reading the conversations between Martyr and Ambrose is so compelling. Plus, you can’t predict the ending.

Other Stories and Poems

Other than these two stories, LaRocca features many poems and other short stories throughout this text. You’ll find out why, but I won’t give it away here. Here’s a review of each of them.

Relics From the Night We Both Perished

In a way, this short reminds me of the Martyr and Ambrose stories. It focuses on a serial killer who murdered his lover. It’s written more like a confession after the murder and how the killer still obsesses over his actions.

In typical LaRocca fashion, it’s a very gloomy story with beautiful writing and powerful imagery. The character lusts after the victim but also resents certain qualities, such as his chapped lips surrounding the ball gag. This is an example of the many ways that LaRocca plays with the reader’s mind.

The pain in the story doesn’t get to me as much as the main character’s confessions. The character describes going on moonlit drives in the countryside and deciding when to kill his lover. It’s a scary thought — that the person you love and trust may be contemplating your death. It’s also scary knowing that there really are people like this in the world.

You have to wonder if that’s how killers really are. They lust over you and believe they’re killing you for your own good. It’s almost a way to justify their own sadism. That murder is just a fucked up way to express the power you have over another.

I Search for You Until My Lungs Sprout Metal

Even though all of these stories and poems are different, LaRocca has a theme going. As you can see from the title, this poem features some vile imagery with steampunk themes. This poem is very short, only one page long. There is a footnote here (LaRocca included footnotes for references he made in each story). However, this footnote kind of gives the ending to the Martyr/Ambrose story away, so I wouldn’t read that footnote until you finish that story.

Toothpick

When I read extreme horror, I usually don’t question what goes on in the writer’s mind. I am a horror writer, after all, and I know we write this fucked up stuff because we read other fucked up stories. But this poem is an example of one of the few times I question what went on in the writer’s mind. The scene of sticking the toothpick in the ears and the description of bleeding bubbles are unsettling.

This is a poem, so it’s very short — only a little over a page long. But it’s one of the most disturbing works in this entire book. I’m usually not a fan of poetry, but I do like the theme of violence and lust here.

I’d Drown You in Dark Water If You Weren’t So Beautiful

LaRocca and long titles go together like peanut butter and jelly.

But seriously, LaRocca continues the theme of bleak murderous stories. This story begins when the main character slits the throat of his victim. But this one hits harder than the rest here. The character mentions early on that he started killing because his father gave him a pocketknife in an attempt to “correct that behavior.” In other words, the character’s father didn’t approve of him being gay.

There are two types of horror: the horror we see in fiction and real-life horror. Even though this is a fictional story, LaRocca conveys a very true horror. The character here was obviously not accepted by his family and is acting out that trauma in a violent manner.

What I find surprising about the killer in this story is how he personifies his victims. Most killers see their victims as an object. LaRocca sets up this killer as someone who knows his victims enough to call them by name and even knows their basic information, such as where they’re from. And he describes their beauty.

The title comes from our killer meeting his first victim, Carlos, and how he didn’t want to drown him because he was so beautiful. That the unsavory after-effects of drowning weren’t good enough for Carlos. Slitting his throat and covering his body with black blood did more justice to the attractive young man Carlos. The killer wants to remember Carlos as a good-looking man with blood encircling his neck, not a bloated figure bobbing in the water.

This is one of my favorite stories in the entire collection. The killer has a soft spot for his first kill — the mood is sensual yet somber. At the end of the story, we can only focus on the beautiful Carlos and how blood covers his flesh.

The Invention of Skin

The title explains it all — LaRocca is reflecting on the first being to ever have skin. For some reason, I’m just picturing a bunch of humans and animals walking around with their organs hanging out. Then, someone purchases a layer of skin, and then everyone starts wearing skin. Maybe I’m the weirdo.

Seriously, LaRocca is using skin as a metaphor for the secrets we hold. Our skin safeguards us from being exposed. If you look at it that way, the poem becomes even more disturbing.

Diaspora

I’m not sure about this one. “Diaspora” is a word that refers to those of the Jewish faith who live outside of Israel. There aren’t specific Judaic themes here, but religion is a theme. The poem centers around a person watching a group of people from a window. They’re described as undead and inhuman. This poem is a little perplexing so I would be curious to hear other opinions on this one.

The Bone King

The story focuses on death — not a theme that’s completely revolutionary, especially in horror lit. But I do like LaRocca’s take on this trope. When we think of death, we tend to think of what will happen to our souls — not what we will look like or what will happen to our bodies. LaRocca delivers this realization and makes us question if survival is even worth it.

Of course, our character here is a killer. But this killer is unlike the others we saw in this collection. This killer doesn’t care about life. As a killer, the world hates them. They’re only struggling to survive, like everyone else. But at the same time, they believe life is meaningless and are only trying to prove it.

LaRocca also has another theme with this collection: bugs. I hate, hate bugs! We even see pictures of a centipede throughout the book. I actually found a centipede in the apartment the other week so this book just fueled my summertime bug paranoia. The part about the decapitated cockroach reminded me of a time when my friend chopped a massive cockroach in half and it was still alive! Eeeeeek!

But I understand why LaRocca brought bugs into this story. Bugs are often symbolized as death. Salvador Dali is the most famous example of this — ants often appeared in his paintings to depict death.

Chernobyl

This poem also has a footnote. Again, I don’t suggest reading the footnotes until you’re done with the book.

This poem is different from the rest because it was written from the POV of a victim. But this murderer is different from the rest. The killer here is cancer. Brain cancer, to be exact.

Going back to the theme of real-life horror, getting terminal cancer is more a likelihood than getting murdered by a serial killer. I actually felt a bump near my breast a few years ago. The best way to describe the way I felt was a cloud of panic. Fortunately, the bump disappeared and my doctor said it was likely nothing.

Cancer is such a grisly way to go. You can feel yourself getting weaker, feel your life slipping before your eyes until death grips you. Again, real-life horror is the most terrifying type of horror out there and LaRocca conveys this theme well.

Eucharist

LaRocca wrote another book, You Can Never Leave This Place. I haven’t read it yet (it’s on my TBR) but from what I know about that book, this poem follows a similar war theme. With all of the imagery and symbolism, this poem just reflects on the atrocities of war and how it changes people. Again, all of the stories and poems make an appearance in this one poem, so it fits right into this collection.

Where to Buy You Lost a Lot of Blood

I bought You Lost a Lot of Blood on Apple Books. You can also buy it on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.

“Heartbeat”: Short Story by Stephanie E. Jensen

Trigger warnings: rape and abortion.

The characters and the actions in this story are completely fictional. Names, characters, and incidents are a product of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to any persons living or dead or resemblance to any previous event is entirely coincidental. This story does not reflect on the actions of the author .

Maldives eyes. That was my nickname for him. Those glassy blue eyes. A color you only see on an ocean in a luxurious place like the Maldives.

Before, I looked into those eyes as if they were a slice of paradise. Now, those Maldives eyes are flooding over, ravaging like a tsunami.

He holds me by the throat with one hand. With the other hand, he drags my leggings down to my mid-thigh, giving him enough wiggle room to ram his dick inside me.

I don’t scream. I don’t bother. Derek is a lot bigger than me. If I cry for help, who knows what he would do.

But the pain. The pain. My vagina is drier than fresh dough. I never experienced pain like a man forcing his penis into a non-aroused vagina. I will never take natural lubrication for granted ever again.

That first shove feels like my bottom half is about to rip open. Every tiny nerve ending is on fire, Derek’s penis only adding fuel to the flames with every thrust.

So, this is what rape is like.

Rape is finally answering your ex-boyfriend’s text messages after a month of ignoring him. Rape is second-guessing your decision to break up with him. Rape is feeling bad for him, even though he tried to control every aspect of your life. Rape is arriving at his home, feeling his strong arms pin you against the wall, his sour breath screaming awful names like “anorexic whore,” and then those massive hands dragging you to the bed so he can shove his erection into a scared vagina.

But rape isn’t any of those things. Rape is looking at those Maldives eyes. Those eyes you loved and trusted. The Maldives eyes you used to bathe in, welcoming the crystal blue waters on your skin. Now, you’re drowning in those Maldives eyes.

Derek finishes. Inside of me. Why should I be surprised? He hated pulling out. Would make me feel guilty about asking him to pull out. The difference is before, I was on birth control. I finished my pack after breaking up with him. I’m not on insurance, and not taking birth control is another way to save on my already-low full-time law student budget.

Derek collapses right next to me. I jump over him on the bed and run. I don’t pull my pants back up. The way to the front door is a straight shoot. I bolt toward the door, not looking back. I grab my purse and open the front door, my short legs flying outside. The dry Texas air mocks me as I grab my keys with a swift hand. I get myself in the car and pull out of his driveway. I don’t look behind me as I floor it out of there.

Should I still look back? No, I shouldn’t.

Two pink lines. I would never have thought two pink lines would feel like death. My whole body goes numb. I can’t speak or move. Hell, I can hardly breathe.

Two pink lines. They stare up at me in a mocking manner. Everything I worked for is gone. Passing the LSATs. Law school. Gone. The two pink lines are ruining my dreams of becoming a lawyer. Those two little lines laugh at me, shrouding me in guilt and shame.

“Fuck!” That is the only thing I finally manage to say.

I get the courage to put down the little white pregnancy test.

I rise from the bed and look in the mirror. I gaze upon my childish features. My short hair and large doe eyes make me look more like an elementary school student rather than a rape victim and a pregnant 20-something-year-old.

I tease my hair. Why? I don’t know, as a distraction from the fact that my ex-boyfriend raped and impregnated me. Teasing my short hair doesn’t do anything. I always hated keeping my hair long. It’s too much work to brush and maintain.

There’s never enough time when you want to be a lawyer. Not enough time to brush your hair. Not enough time to eat, which is why I’m so thin. And there is not enough time to be pregnant and a mom.

“I can’t do this,” I tell myself in the mirror.

I know when someone judges me. The sensation feels like ice-cold rain. A cloud that hangs over me, engulfing me in the rain.

I thought I felt the worst of this judgment until I tell the obstetrician’s office that I want an abortion. Instead of the tropical thunderstorm of judgment, I receive a category 5 hurricane. The woman at the counter looks at me with hateful eyes so powerful that it feels like harsh winds are spreading across the office, knocking me off my feet.

The effects of the judgment hurricane extend to the ultrasound. The sonographer looks at me with a bleak expression as if she was the eye of a hurricane.

“Eight weeks,” is all the sonographer says. “You can’t have an abortion in the state of Texas.”

The pouring rain of the judgment hurricane mixed with the jelly on my abdomen chills my body from the inside out.

The sonographer shoots her category 5 hurricane eyes to me and turns on a sound.

Ba-bum. Ba-bum. Ba-bum.

“The baby’s heartbeat,” is all she says. The heartbeat plays in the room like a broken record.

Ba-bum. Ba-bum. Ba-bum.

I put my hand over my heart, feeling my heartbeat. My mind drifts off to a memory of my grandma. A macabre conversation we had.

“That heartbeat,” grandma said as she pointed to my chest, “that heartbeat is everything. Once your heart stops beating, it’s over. You’re dead.”

Dead? Dead. No rape baby. No motherhood. But law school and a future successful career as a lawyer? Yes.

I will stop this baby’s heart from beating. No matter what.

Another four weeks pass. I struggle with multiple companies telling me they can send the abortion pill to my house, then retract their statement. Now, I’m no longer able to have a pill abortion.

I’m out of options — except for my wire hangers.

Giving yourself an abortion is more complicated than it looks. I keep poking myself in the labia with the hanger. Not going to lie, poking your sensitives with a wire hanger is not a pleasant feeling. I should have asked my cousin to come over and help me. Oh well. Too late.

Poke. Poke. Poke.

I take a deep breath. Okay, Erica, you can do this. Ram it up there. If Derek could do that with his dick, you can do that with this hanger.

I take another deep breath. I close my eyes, so I don’t have to see that sharp thread. I stab that hanger as fast and deep as I can until —

Squish.

I gasp. I don’t feel any pain, but shock engulfs me. I hold my breath in, not comprehending that I stabbed this fetus with a hanger.

When I’m finally able to let my breath out, I pull.

“AHHHHH!” The pain is unbearable as I wretch the spawn from my cervix. My insides are screaming as its tiny body slides down my womb.

Slime and blood ooze out of my sensitives as I pull out the fetus’ head. I see its pink head crowning. Its eyes are closed, looking like pebbles among its large head. I continue pulling, revealing its bloated alien body. Its feet finally emerge from my vagina.

I lay it out on the sheet in front of me. So, this is it? The miracle of life? The most “beautiful” thing in the world? Seeing a child you birthed, regardless of whether or not it was from rape?

This…thing, I’m not sure if I want to call it a human, is a shriveled up. Its puffy skin and colorless eyes make it look like a small sea creature rather than a human fetus. It’s tiny, about the size of my hand. Its arms and legs are the same sizes as spider legs, curling around its bloated body.

So, the state of Texas worships this creepy sea creature-like thing more than a tax-paying citizen?

“Is it dead?” I ask out loud. The hanger is still in the fetus’ head. I wiggle the hanger around. The fetus makes no movement of its own.

Still, I want to be sure.

I yank out the hanger — blood pouring from the fetus’ head — and stab it in the chest. The hanger slices through its jelly flesh like a knife in butter. I stab it once, then again. And again. And again.

I can’t stop stabbing it. I know it’s dead. It has to be.

I hate everything about this tiny nematode thing that was growing inside of me. I hate how this country only cares about me giving birth. I hate how my only worth is that of a mother. No, not of a lawyer. Why would a woman be a lawyer in the first place? We’re only meant to give birth to our nematodes and raise them.

I finally stop stabbing. I look down at the fetus. I hacked up, so it’s now a gory mess. My hands are covered in blood and slime as I pick up the nematode. Its flesh feels slimy like raw eggs. I pick it up, my fingers penetrating the skin. The cold ooze runs down my hands.

I put the fetus back down and grab one of its little appendages. The bone is still soft. I break off the appendage like a chicken leg. I do this with all appendages. I wrap up the dismembered fetus in the blanket and walk outside.

“Woof! Woof! Woof!”

I hate my fucking neighbors. Who leaves their dogs outside in Texas weather? I called animal control on them once. The neighbors feed the dogs and give them water, so they said there isn’t anything they could do.

“Woof! Woof!”

The two dogs look like some type of pit bull mix. One dog is white, and the second is brown. I never know how much love their asshole owners give them, so I make sure I give them attention when I see them. They seem scary, but they’re not. I know the drill with these two. After their barking fits, they always look at me with lovey eyes and wag their tails. I then hold out my hand, and they accept my pets with happy dog smiles replacing loud barks.

At this point, they recognize me. But their barking fit doesn’t stop as I near them. I know why. They smell the fetus.

The streetlights illuminate the dogs as they stand at the edge of the fence, waiting for the succulent snack. I reach into the blanket and pull out two appendages. The dogs whine, and one starts drooling.

I turn to the one drooling first. “Sit,” I command. The dog gives me ecstatic whines as it sits. I reach over the fence and hand the dog the appendage. He jumps up, hooking the tender meat in its teeth. It runs away with glee toward its doghouse as it nibbles on the appendage.

I do the same with the other dog, who accepts its snack with the same amount of joy.

Both dogs are sitting in the yard, munching on their appendages. But I can’t dump the rest of the body like a garbage bag. I wait until the dogs finish devouring the appendages before handing them another — making them sit for me first.

I break up the rest of the body into little pieces, throwing them to each dog. They see the “play catch with dead fetus parts” thing as a fun game, their mouths gaping open in cute dog smiles as they accept the little bits of meat.

We play this game until only the head is left. I put the blanket down and grab the head with both hands. The skin is soft like the rest of the body. I break the skull with both hands, exposing the brain. The pink color gleams in the streetlights. It’s lumpy, hardly even a complete human brain yet.

I reach over the fence, dropping the head with slow and steady hands so the brain doesn’t spill out. One dog picks up a part of the brain with its mouth, its mighty jaws breaking it up like taffy. It walks over with the brain in its mouth while the other dog munches on the skull with glee.

I kneel on the ground while I watch the dogs eat the rest of the fetus. When they finish, they walk over and realize there’s no more fetus left. I can see the disappointment in their sweet eyes, but they perk up when I reach my hand between the fence chains and give them pets. The dogs bend their heads to accept ear scratches while I coo, “you’re the best boys ever,” though I try to be as silent as possible. I switch to the dogs’ chests, scratching as they nudge their furry bodies closer.

Ba-bum. Ba-bum.

Their hearts are beating below my hands like a small drum.

Ba-bum. Ba-bum.

As I open the door, my heart is still racing. The air conditioning gives me a sweet “hello” as I escape the Texas heat. I so wish I could take those dogs in with me.

Blood and goo still cover my body, so I take a quick shower. I stand underneath the warm water, feeling my heartbeat calm with every passing second.

Ba-bum. Ba-bum.

I turn off the water and wrap myself in my robe. I grab a towel, drying my hair as I walk to the living room. My laptop is on my dining table. I turn it on and pull up my legal research document. This assignment is due next week, and I can’t procrastinate anymore.

Usually, I’m not too fond of Monday mornings. The hangover-filled festivities from the weekend are only starting to formulate in my mind while my professor forces us to discuss intricate acts in civil and criminal law.

But today, I enter my class with a new perspective.

Law binds us in many ways that we don’t imagine. The law can serve us well, protecting us and ensuring our rights as citizens. But some laws are only fair to some and harmful to others.

The law isn’t perfect, but it can change. And I can be that change.

As my professor yaps in this constitutional law class, I contemplate my career goals. I will open a women’s rights legal practice. No, I will become a sexual assault lawyer. No, I will become an animal lawyer. Or I will become a constitutional lawyer and make my way to the Supreme Court, and I will make sure that no woman will ever have to give herself a coat hanger abortion again.

“Once your heart stops beating, it’s over. You’re dead.”

I put my hand over my heart. Ba-bum. Ba-bum. I have a heartbeat. Everyone in this classroom has a heartbeat. All humans have a heartbeat. Those two dogs have a heartbeat.

The heartbeat of a fetus isn’t the only one that matters.

Review: We Are Here to Hurt Each Other by Paula D. Ashe: “Ashe goes to places where very few writers are brave enough to go to”

As horror writers, we wonder about our true intentions. We create justifications for the disturbing work we create. Is there a deeper metaphor for the violence and depravity? Or do we enjoy hurting our characters and disturbing our readers?

These are questions the reader should ask when reading Paula D. Ashe’s short story anthology We Are Here to Hurt Each Other. Her justification for the stories she writes is a simple one: “…people’s pain is valid” is what she writes in her outro. And she definitely goes to lengths to hurt people in many ways. Ashe goes to places where very few writers are brave enough to go to; this book explores topics such as the typical murder and gore, but also necrophilia, incest, and more.

I reviewed Ashe’s short story “The Mother of All Monsters” and absolutely loved it. I connected with Ashe on Twitter and she sent me an ARC of her short story collection. Even though her stories put you in a dark place, Ashe seems delightful and I thought it was very sweet that she sent me this ARC.

As far as the anthology is concerned, the stories are all shocking, but Ashe writes her morbid tales in a beautiful manner. I liked every story here; there are some I like more than others and some I wish were longer or shorter. But overall, I highly recommend this short story collection – especially if you’re looking for shorts on the disturbing side.

I will go ahead and mention what I think of each story. I won’t give away any spoilers, but serious trigger warnings across the board.

Aspects of Emptiness

I fell in love with this story. There’s so much mystery in this one story alone.

I also love the disturbing start of this story. “Go into a room with a mirror…dim the lights…now stare at yourself…at some point, you’ll start to ‘unrecognize’ yourself.”

This is a killer way to start off the short story collection.

Carry On, Carrion

This story continues from the first one. We see more from “The Man With the Face of Teeth” (I hope this is a character who will come up in more of Ashe’s work) but he’s still such a mystery.

This one is more disturbing than the last. A woman who was living her normal life meets Face of Teeth, and now she’s completely changed. And she becomes more disturbing than you could ever expect. The Man With the Face of Teeth, and his followers, have an uncanny intrigue to them and influence others…in the worst ways possible.

My only complaint is that Ashe didn’t go as far with this story as I would have liked. Who is The Man With the Face of Teeth? Why is he doing this to random people?

All the Hellish Cruelties of Heaven

This one is interesting but perplexing. There’s a lot going on here. We first learn about a number of dead bodies and meet a woman who does…well, quite disturbing things to homeless people. The woman has a strange fascination with the murders and goes to great lengths to discover who the killer is.

There is more to this story than this, but I think this story is a little too dense. This is a story I struggled with and had to re-read it quite a few times, even now I’m not understanding all of the details. It is an interesting concept but it isn’t one of my favorites in the collection.

Grave Miracles

There’s a lot of poetry in this collection. I had to be honest, I’ve never been the biggest fan of poetry. I always expect something to happen. But with the disturbing imagery that Ashe offers us, I can’t help but enjoy her poems — especially this one.

Ashe does tell a little story in her poems, which is something I appreciate. But the language she uses in this poem is what gets me. How descriptive everything is, like “licking the fluids from the brain.” You’re still able to place yourself in the character’s shoes, making this poem even more unsettling.

Exile in Extremis

I love the new trend in extreme horror fiction where stories aren’t limited to chapters. We can now write stories as emails, text messages, and even social media posts.

Ashe takes a stab at this trend with “Exile in Extremis.” The story follows two characters: a writer (Elle) and the editor of a magazine (David). The story starts out with emails and moves on to online messages. The editor is contacting the writer about a graverobber story she published, and what follows is…intense.

You not only learn more about the crimes that Elle wrote about, but you also learn more about who Elle really is. I like how the story gets progressively creepier, and the fact that all communication is digital makes this story even more relatable. This is one of my favorites in the entire book and you can’t help but get close to both characters, even though Elle is really sketchy.

Jacqueline Laughs Last in the Gaslight

I absolutely loved this one. Ashe takes a different approach to the Jack the Ripper case — and the killer is the last person you would ever suspect.

However, the story doesn’t focus on the murders as much as you would expect. Actually, it focuses on a newly married couple who try to introduce the Whitechapel denizens to God.

I also like how Ashe almost wrote this as if it were all taken place in the time period. While the language she uses is beautiful, it doesn’t take away from the horrors that this story will unfold. The grimy Whitechapel district, the violence, and the depraved people who frequent there.

Even so, you can’t help but wonder if life is really that much different now. The juxtaposition of people living in poverty, resorting to criminal activity to survive, and those who have money, who live safe and sound in their homes and wear clean clothes — until they stumble into Whitechapel or a similar district. Sure, Jack the Ripper may not be stalking your hometown, but the horrors still remain the same.

I won’t give too much away because the reader has to be surprised by Jack the Ripper’s true identity, but the direction that Ashe takes with this classic story is so interesting.

Because You Watched

One thing I have to give Ashe is she covers unspeakable topics, such as c***d abuse, that so many authors are too afraid to tackle. But Ashe does so in a way that doesn’t victimize the characters. Instead, she speaks with so much emotion to where you feel for the characters, even if they do horrendous things after the abuse.

This story is the perfect example. We meet two siblings: Taze and Marissa. The two discovered their sister, Lily, gave birth and she wants to see her siblings. This should be a wonderful thing, but Lily is crazy. As such, the two have no idea what to expect.

From here, Ashe tells a story of abuse, family, and how the siblings live their lives as adults. We see how abuse can destroy a family, but also how it can tear apart siblings. And these three will re-live some of their worst nightmares — that is if they live.

A Needleshine Litany

This is another example of Ashe divulging in topics that “go there.” However, she doesn’t go into intricate details. You know what’s about to happen when the man sets the little girl on the dusty couch in the abandoned home. Then the man takes out the surgical bag with the instruments, and you know what’s about to happen. Or, you think you know what’s about to happen. All I can say is, that little girl is more dangerous than you would expect.

The next story is “The Mother of All Monsters,” but you can read my review for that one. All I can say is I absolutely loved it and it’s one of my favorite stories in this whole collection.

The Witness

This is another poem. As I stated previously, I think my problem with poetry is it doesn’t follow a story. I always expect more to happen and to come to an understanding of what it all means. This is an example of a poem where I don’t come to that conclusion.

The poem is twisted and disturbing. Ashe uses vile language to describe the dreadful scene. But I’m left with more questions than anything. Still, the poem is beautiful, even if it is morbid.

Bereft

This is by far one of my favorite stories in this entire collection. I read so much extreme horror to where I’m pretty desensitized. But this story challenged me.

We meet two sisters. You learn that one sister, Angeline, is dead. The other sister, Anessa, visits Angeline’s body in the communal living home where she’s living.

Even though Ashe describes Angeline’s room as cheerful, you know something is wrong. Other than the fact that she committed suicide, why would a woman who’s nearly 40 have toys and children’s books?

What happens next is Anessa dealing with the grief of her sister’s death…in an absurd way. When she commits…those actions, you can only wonder why she’s doing this. Then, the memories of their childhood flood the pages. What the reader learns is both women have their own issues that stemmed from their childhood.

When reading this story, ask yourself if Anessa was helping her sister or only hurting her more.

Telesignatures From a Future Corpse

This is the last story in the collection. It was very promising, but I feel this story went on too long. While the ending was interesting, it leaves you with more questions than answers.

We first land on a crime scene on the beach. One of many, as the detectives hint. The children all died horrible deaths. Such brutal crimes in their small town? Who wudda thunk? Of course, the killer perfectly concealed everything. The police know they only have so long until this elusive killer finds another victim.

There are details that are beyond the police. For example, they discover the killer kept the kids alive for a couple of months, though they were all in fine health before their deaths. They also have no idea where or how the killer even abducted them.

But then the story gets…odd. The whole story falls apart after a massive accident. This is when a lot happens and it’s tough to keep track of all of the details. Even after re-reading the story, some details make more sense, but I still wonder how everything is connected.

All I can say is that this is more than the classic whodunnit murder story. Ashe turns this child murder nightmare into something out of this world.

Where Can You Buy We Are Here to Hurt Each Other?

You can buy We Are Here to Hurt Each Other on Amazon.

Stephanie E. Jensen Featured as a Guest on Killer Collab Podcast

I was honored to be a guest on the Killer Collab Podcast with Joe Davison, Chris Leto, and Tony D. We discuss willy woms, debate over the correct supernatural creature who makes the howling noise, and other fun topics.

You can view the podcast on the YouTube link or at any of these links:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/author-stephanie-e-jensen-joins-the-killer-collab-podcast/id1613245402?i=1000559019481

https://killercollabpodcast.podbean.com/e/author-stephanie-e-jensen-joins-the-killer-collab-podcast/

https://tunein.com/podcasts/Arts–Culture-Podcasts/Killer-Collab-Podcast-p1643448/?topicId=171707162

https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/f73eaed6-e381-4a31-a730-2d3d03cc0bc2/episodes/59ad5c76-8fdf-4aeb-a29e-5a04e2cc3e96/killer-collab-podcast-author-stephanie-e-jensen-joins-the-killer-collab-podcast

Review: Abhorrent Siren and Abhorrent Faith by John Baltisberger

John Baltisberger is a writer I’ve been hearing about a lot lately. I would often see his name and books mentioned in various splatterpunk communities I’m in, so I’ve been wanting to check out his work for a while.

For the introduction to his work, I chose Abhorrent Siren and Abhorrent Faith. I was expecting to read some fun and gory stuff, which is definitely what I got. But I didn’t expect to read two in-depth and highly detailed books that discussed some of the horrors beyond what we know from the genre.

Both books are related in the sense that they’re in the same series. However, Faith has a slightly different storyline than Siren, though they both are in the same setting. I would recommend reading Siren first, though, so you know the gist of the setting, the monsters, and why they’re ravaging Texas, before reading Faith.

Abhorrent Siren

Imagine living your normal life — going to work, having dinner with the family, watching some TV before bed — the whole wash-rinse-repeat lifestyle. Then one day, monstrous humanoid-axolotl monsters ravage your hometown. You’re forced to escape…or become one of them.

This is the idea that Baltisberger is depicting with Abhorrent Siren. We meet a variety of people — a nurse, a man and his daughter, a team of scientists, etc. who all have two things in common: 1. They have no idea what in the hell is taking over their city, and 2. They need to get the fuck out.

I have to admit, I’m not crazy about bizarro. The fantasy aspect of horror is one that doesn’t interest me as much as the real-life horror (because those stories could actually happen). However, Baltisberger did pique my interest with Abhorrent Siren. The idea that your mundane life may get turned upside-down in an instant is one that terrifies me. Whether that be from war, axolotl monsters, or anything else.

If you think gore and gross details are the crème de la crème of horror, then you have yourself a treat with Abhorrent Siren. From painting vivid pictures of the sirens devouring human flesh to even mentioning mucus and bile, Baltisberger leaves no detail out. You might gag a little but you’ll still be pleased with the grotesqueries.

I also love how Baltisberger gives a human-like quality to these monsters. Toward the middle, he starts writing from their perspectives. Previously, these humans were so complex and discussed every small detail in their lives. But when they change, they become so savage and only focus on survival instincts: find food, defend the territory, and mate.

What’s even more bizarre is when Baltisberger writes from the perspective of the humans turning. One character is walking weirdly. Another is struggling to speak (because they bit their lip or their jaw is now deformed). And they don’t even realize it.

I have to say, I love the cover. The creature is so creepy, yet so captivating. Its horns and blood-soaked jaw are eye-catching, yet you know those very jaws can tear your neck out in an instant.

Abhorrent Siren is more than a monster-gore fest. Baltisberger has a message. He focuses heavily on addiction and the opioid epidemic. Some of the core characters are either struggling with an addiction or they’re trying to treat patients with addictions. Baltisberger discusses drug contamination of the Gulf and how it could impact marine species. Could drug contamination in the water birth a monstrous siren that feeds on human flesh? More than likely, no. But is drug contamination in the water — let alone drug use, in general — a massive problem in our society? Absolutely. And this is what I love about the horror genre. Taking real-life horrors and making them even more horrific.

Abhorrent Faith

Before I discuss the actual book, I want to point out some key highlights that Baltisberger mentioned in the Afterword.

Baltisberger mentions early on that he’s Jewish and he often explores Judaism theology in the realm of horror and science fiction.

He also discusses the toxic people who use religion as a form of control, specifically using fear-mongering as their way to strengthen their grip hold on their followers.

With Abhorrent Faith, Baltisberger decides to write from two perspectives: what those fear-mongering religious figures (specifically in Christianity) would say about the sirens and how that figure would discuss his views with a Rabbi…while they’re stuck in a synagogue hiding from the siren monsters.

While reading this book, I got the impression that Baltisberger is asking us what or who the real enemy is. Is it those who don’t have the same beliefs as you? Or those discriminating against others with different beliefs and forcing them to pray to their God or deity?

If you don’t know anything about this book, Abhorrent Faith is in the same setting as Siren, yet it doesn’t focus on the grotesqueries as Siren did. Instead, it’s a debate about religion and how it impacts the situation with the monstrous sirens.

There is plenty of gore, as Baltisberger will cover later while people in the synagogue are mutating. But this story is mainly about the conversation between a Televangelist and a Rabbi during the apocalypse.

Early in the book, we meet the two main characters: Rabbi Ari Goldberg and Pastor Aidan King.

King is that stereotypical commanding Southern Baptist who spews more evil than good. King brings in one of the sirens, who stays at his side as if it were a dog. The siren attacked several people in the synagogue. While they were dying, all King could do was disrespect Goldberg and discriminate against his guests.

King gives Goldberg an ultimatum: they either have a theological debate or the siren, whose name is Joseph, kills everyone in the synagogue. Goldberg agrees to the debate.

The rest of the book is extremely compelling. Baltisberger digs deep into theology, history, and mythology. There were many arguments that I never heard before and I couldn’t get my nose out of this book.

Of course, King belittled all of Goldberg’s arguments. The reader grows to only hate him more throughout the book (that shouldn’t be a surprise). He’s a character so full of rage. Instead of keeping an open mind to the logical cause of the sirens (drug contamination in the Gulf), he would rather use his siren puppet as a tool to justify his apocalyptic beliefs.

During this time, more people in the synagogue start mutating and killing off others. It’s a horrifying concept — being stuck in one place while your loved ones turn into ravenous axolotl monsters. On top of that, you’re forced to debate theology with a Televangelist. Poor Goldberg.

I highly suggest everyone read Abhorrent Faith. There are some gory details here, but this is a book that makes you think.

Where to Buy Abhorrent Siren and Faith?

I bought both books on Godless. You can also find both books on Amazon. Abhorrent Siren is also available as an audiobook.

Follow John Baltisberger:

https://kaijupoet.com/

https://madnessheart.press/?s=John+Baltisberger&post_type=product&v=7516fd43adaa

https://twitter.com/kaijupoet?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor

https://www.instagram.com/kaijupoet/?hl=en

https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/17737920.John_Baltisberger

Follow Stephanie E. Jensen/Infernal Horror:

www.infernalhorror.com

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