Deedee Cummings's Blog, page 4
April 9, 2025
Mental Health: Imposter Syndrome
Imposter Syndrome: The Silent Saboteur of Women’s Dreams
Imposter Syndrome is the quiet voice in your head that whispers, “You’re not good enough,” even when your accomplishments say otherwise. It’s the inner critic that questions whether you deserve a seat at the table, that convinces you your success is just luck, or that you’re one mistake away from being exposed as a fraud.
For women—especially women who dare to dream big—Imposter Syndrome can be especially devastating. It shows up when we set our sights on something greater, when we finally decide to go after that promotion, launch that business, write that book, or speak our truth. It doesn’t matter how qualified, prepared, or passionate we are. That voice still sneaks in.
In a world that already tries to crush our hope—with systems that aren’t built for us, with messages that tell us to stay small, and with double standards that weigh us down—Imposter Syndrome can feel like the final straw. It steals our confidence, clouds our judgment, and makes us doubt what we already know deep down: we are capable, we are worthy, and we are ready. BEEN ready.
This is why it’s so crucial to work with someone who understands not only the psychology behind Imposter Syndrome, but also the emotional and spiritual toll it takes when you’re trying to rise in a world that often tries to push you back down. Having a guide who sees your strength when you’ve forgotten it, who knows how hope works as a skill, and who can gently walk with you through fear and self-doubt—that can transform everything.
Because hope is not just a feeling—it’s a fuel. And when you learn how to build hope and practice believing in yourself, even when it’s hard, you stop waiting to feel “ready” and start moving anyway. That’s where the magic happens. That is when you really start to soar.
You were never an imposter. You’ve always belonged here.
You just needed someone to remind you—and show you how to believe it for yourself.
Learn more about Make A Way Media’s new program for women, Make A Way Mindset, and how we will help you soar.
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Allow Me to Reintroduce Myself…
I keep talking about this retreat we had a couple of weekends ago because it was EVERYTHING. But you know what I realized while I was there? Some people know our programs, but don’t know me, and that’s a problem because I WANT you to know me. If you only know Make A Way Media or Make A Way Mindset or the new book How to Dream, I want you to know me too.
During the retreat, I was going on and on about what we were going to do that day, but I never told the group who I was. Someone spoke up and asked, “Can you tell us a little about yourself?”
Here is why that one question was so powerful: If you don’t know the inspiration behind what we do it becomes less, well, inspiring. I really need you to know who I am because if you know my story, then you know that you can create your dream life too. Sometimes people only see today, but that is just the tip of the iceberg.
Last year I was about to speak to a large group of people at a conference and another author was introducing me. After she finished reading my bio she turned to the audience and said, “A little bit of an overachiever.” The audience laughed. Uncomfortably. She knew my bio. She did not know my story.
When I was in my high school and early college years I had no clue what I wanted to do and no idea how to ask for help. I was drowning, and to everyone around me I just looked undisciplined and unmotivated. In reality, I was lost. I did not know who I was or what I wanted out of this life. And, I didn’t know who to ask. I failed out of college. It took me years to tell people that. I had a child at 20. I had no job. No place to live. And no money. Sometimes hitting rock bottom can be a blessing because there is nowhere to go, but up.
People are motivated by all kinds of things, but for me it was having a child at a young age. When I had my daughter a fire lit inside of me. I knew that I had to figure out whatever it was that I was supposed to do because she would be watching my every step.
From the moment I had her that fire propelled me. I said yes, to everything. I said yes to big dreams and big opportunities. Dreams and opportunities that, before my daughter, terrified me. I previously ran from opportunities because I did not believe that dreams and open doors were for me. I stayed frozen and afraid to move. I was afraid to soar. But once I had a daughter, I knew that the only way I could prove to her that she is worthy of the life she wants, is by showing her that I am worthy of the life that I want.
I am you.
I am a woman with hopes and dreams and wants and fears, even still. It’s called Imposter Syndrome. I had to learn how to get comfortable with soaring. When you soar, you’re in the spotlight and sometimes that feels out of place. I had to get comfortable with telling people no. I had to set boundaries when it was hard, and put me first, tune out the noise, and believe that the best blessings in this life are reserved for me – IF I go get them. No one ever got anything by being afraid to walk through that open door.
Dreams take work. They take vision. They take hope. And let’s be honest- NO ONE is teaching us these skills in childhood.
So, now what? We have to learn these skills as an adult. And we can learn these skills, but we cannot be afraid. We cannot be afraid to fail. We also cannot be afraid to succeed. We do it by putting one foot in front of the other. One step at a time. One day at a time.
We only get this one precious life. That’s it. One precious life. What will you do with yours? It is perfectly okay if you don’t know. We can figure it out together.
Some might call saying yes to everything the life of an overachiever. But I know that it is really the life of a professional dreamer.
Do you want to look back one day and say, “I went for it all”? Do you want to go for every dream that has been stored up and is sitting on a shelf somewhere in the universe just waiting on you? Do you crave saying yes to you and no to every single thing that does not serve your purpose, your vision and your soul? Then you just might be a dreamer too.
Don’t be afraid to achieve. Be afraid of looking back at the end of your life and realizing you never moved, you never tried, you never took that chance. If you don’t know where to start. That is exactly what I am here for. This is why I pop in to your email once a week. This is who I am. I have helped thousands. And I can help you too.
Dreams are not reserved for the rich, or the privileged, or the few. Dreams belong to ALL of us. I want to see you overachieve. I want to watch you soar. I want to help you live free. If you are ready to live free on your own terms, reply YES! to this email and next week I am going to send something truly special just to you. We can soar. Together.
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April 5, 2025
10 Things You Can Do Right Now to Reclaim Peace, Power, and Hope
How do you hope in a chaotic world? How can you work on your hope? How do you grow hope and hold on to it when you need hope most? These small actions may not seem like they pack a big punch, but they are tried and true, powerful, and life-changing techniques. Taking these steps are just like planting seeds and when you plant them consistently, they grow into a robust field of resilience, hope, and wholeness. Even in chaotic times such as these. Maybe even more so.
Share this list with others in your circle and commit to putting it into action. Get a group together that meets monthly or quarterly and hold one another accountable. Be a woman who is rooted in her power and refuses to let the chaos of the world steal her light, her joy, her hope and her dreams. Make sure that you and everyone on your circle knows how to work on their hoping skills!
The post 10 Things You Can Do Right Now to Reclaim Peace, Power, and Hope appeared first on Make A Way Media.
What to Do When you Lose Hope
You were never meant to carry it all. Here’s how to find hope in a heavy world….
There’s no denying that the world feels heavy right now.
With every scroll, click, and headline, it’s easy to believe that hopelessness is the only reasonable response. If you are a woman–especially a woman of color–this heaviness can feel even more intense. Our rights, our voices, our safety, our dreams… all seem to be under constant attack. And while awareness matters, what matters more is that you don’t drown in it.
Let me say this clearly: you were never meant to carry it all.
Yes, be informed. Yes, use your voice. But don’t confuse staying aware with sacrificing your mental health to the 24/7 news cycle. The world needs you whole. Not broken. Not burnt out. Whole.
We live in a time where chaos is loud and the truth is often buried beneath fear and noise. But your peace? Your hope? Your joy? That is revolutionary. That is where your power lives. They cannot break you.
Reclaiming your attention is reclaiming your power. This is a mindset skill you can and should work on. It is worth the investment and the time. In some ways the world wants you to lose hope because then you are easier to control. It is harder to fight back when you are hopeless. It is harder to stand up for your boundaries when you are hopeless. The world wants your distracted and hopeless attention. It craves it. It feeds on it. But your attention is sacred. Where your focus goes, your energy flows. Gently, intentionally redirect your focus just a little each day, to something no one can take from you: your inner power.
Hope is not naivety. It’s a strategy.
Beauty is not frivolous. It’s fuel.
Community is not extra. It’s everything.
You create beauty by being you. We don’t have to change the world overnight. You change the world every time you choose joy when it is so easy to be bitter. Take a deep breath. Hold it. Unclench you jaw and your hands. Point your head to the sky. Exhale and affirm these words: I choose joy… I choose me… today I am taking care of me, my heart, my spirit, and my mind.
That is resistance. That is courage.
There is beauty in the way you support your sisters. In how you mother your children. In how you mentor someone else. There is beauty in how you show up as a kind soul in a cruel world. That quiet beauty is not only how we keep going, it’s also how we heal.
You are not alone. There are so many people just like you. There are millions of us. We may be tired, but we are far from defeated. We may be anxious, but we are still speaking up. We are here. And when we work together to create spaces of rest, creativity, and compassion we become unstoppable.
Find your people. Build that table. Cry together. Laugh louder. Dream bigger.
Here are some things you can do today:
Limit your news intake. Find one trusted news source and check in for an update one time a day.Start your morning with you. Before your phone, before the world, just sit, breathe and listen to your own spirit.Do one small beautiful thing. Write. Paint. Plant. Dance. Anything that reminds you you are alive and you are powerful.Reach out. Text a friend who makes you feel good. Join a community. Start a book club. We were never meant to be here alone.You were born with power. That power never left you. It is still here. That is how you hold on to hope.
The world may be loud and uncertain, but you don’t have to be.
You can be still.
You can be soft.
You can be strong.
You can be hope.
And in doing so, you become exactly what this world needs: a woman rooted in her power, refusing to let the chaos steal her light.
*If you are looking for more ideas on how you can reclaim your peace, power and hope please see more here.
The post What to Do When you Lose Hope appeared first on Make A Way Media.
January 30, 2025
My Word Of The Year For 2025
If you are feeling a bit like me and could use a little more love in your life, my self-paced course called “Cultivating Self-Love To Create An Unstoppable You” will help you make self-love and self-care part of your everyday life.
Our relationships with ourselves are the most important relationships we will ever have. Get the tools you need to become the best version of yourself you can be. Take the Cultivating Self-Love Course today and become the unstoppable person you were meant to be!
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October 31, 2024
5 Ways to Show Halloween Empathy
It might seem strange to have a post about showing empathy on Halloween, but there is a need for it. Just because people are dressed up in costumes doesn’t mean that we can turn off our empathy muscles. There are several simple shifts we can make to make the halloween experience a good one for kids and adults alike.
While most people give out candy happily to anyone and everyone on October 31, it isn’t unusual to see someone on social media disparaging older teens who go trick-or-treating or complaining about kids who need special candy due to allergies. Sometimes people even complain that the kids trick-or-treating in their neighborhoods don’t live in that neighborhood.
Empathy means turning on our perspective taking skills and putting ourselves in someone else’s situation. When it comes to Halloween, not everyone views the day in the same way.
Here are 5 suggestions to help you put yourself in someone else’s shoes and show empathy.
5 Ways to Show Empathy on Halloween Respect Everyones Beliefs Around HalloweenFor some, Halloween is a cherished time full of creativity and fun. For others, it is seen as a taboo event to be avoided at all costs. Then, there are plenty of people in between who opt for traditional fall activities instead of a Halloween themed activity.
Respecting these differing beliefs means acknowledging and accepting the variety of perspectives people may have. Instead of judging or dismissing customs that differ from your own, we can strive to maintain an understanding attitude and an open mind.
It is not your job to convince someone else to take on your beliefs. Our job, as empathetic humans, is to listen respectfully and find a way to honor that person and their beliefs.
That could mean going to a fall fest with one set of friends and then trick-or-treating with another. It could mean skipping by the houses who choose to keep their lights off during trick-or-treating hours without judgement. We don’t have to all celebrate the same way to have a happy Halloween.
If you are going to give out candy, decide to graciously give it to everyone—no age limits, no zip code requirements, just fun for all.
Avoid JudgementFamilies who don’t live in your neighborhood may be visiting because the don’t have a neighborhood to trick-or-treat in. Maybe their neighbors don’t participate or they don’t feel safe going door-to-door after dark. You wouldn’t want parents worrying about their kids safety as they are out trick-or-treating. Be grateful they made it to your door and welcome them with a smile.
If you see older teens joining in the trick-or-treat fun, don’t judge! They may be out with younger siblings or just looking for an innocent way to have fun with friends.
The old phrase “don’t judge a book by its cover” applies here just as much as it does any other day. It is impossible to know someone’s story just by looking at them.
Have Allergen-Friendly OptionsIf you are able, consider having an allergy-friendly treat bucket with non-food items like stickers, small toys, or glow sticks for children with food allergies. Marking your house on the Teal Pumpkin Project website is a great way to let families know that your home is allergy-friendly. It is a small gesture that goes a long way in making kids with nut allergies or other sensitivities feel welcome.
Be Wheelchair AccessibleAnother easy way to make your home an inclusive trick-or-treat stop is to think about wheelchair-accessible paths for trick-or-treaters with mobility challenges.
Instead of sitting your candy bowl up a flight of stairs, move it to the middle of the driveway or closer to the sidewalk. Again, it is a small shift that only takes a few seconds of your time but makes a world of difference for the children and families who need it.
Be Conscious of Your CostumeThis conversation comes up every year around Halloween but it is still one worth having. When choosing a costume, make sure it is respectful to others.
Cultural appropriation happens when someone adopts aspects of a culture that is not their own, often without understanding or respecting the significance behind those elements. Costumes that portray stereotypes contribute to harmful racial and ethnic biases. People’s cultures are not appropriate costumes.
There is a great flowchart from the Louisville Cardinal that can help you decide if you or your child’s Halloween costume might be offensive to someone.
By making thoughtful choices and refraining from donning costumes that mimic or mock specific cultures, you show respect for the rich diversity and heritages of the beautiful world around us.
Keep it Kid FriendlyThe majority of the people out trick-or-treating are young kids. Unfortunately, many children get scared by the spooky decorations and loud noises.
To help kiddos avoid sensory overload you might turn the sound off on your creepy decor when young kids come to your door. Or you could have a path that leads you through the scary stuff for older kids and another straight path that allows kids to get straight to the candy.
If you do choose to take the scary route with your decorations or costumes, maybe set up a warning sign so that parents of young kids can choose to pass by if they know their kids won’t handle it well.
Being empathetic doesn’t mean you can’t have any fun on Halloween. It does mean you take the time to consider how your choices may impact others and try to create an option that won’t cause harm.
What other time of the year is it OK to just walk up to your neighbors door and say hi?! Halloween offers a great opportunity to meet your neighbors and foster a bit of connection. When you make an effort to introduce yourself and learn about those living around you, it breaks down barriers and often challenges preconceived notions.
It is a lot easier to hold off getting mad at your neighbor for their uncut grass when you know that neighbor by name and are aware that they are caring for an elderly parent at the moment. The loud kids next door are a little less frustrating when you remember there are 5 of them being raised by a single mom.
By understanding different perspectives and experiences, we become more empathic and create a more supportive environment. A few Halloween connections could inspire more compassionate interactions all year long!
Be Empathetic This HalloweenSince the 1800s, Halloween has been about community and togetherness. Your community is more than just the one or two people who live on either side of us or across the street. As I talk about in my book This is the Earth, we are all part of one big community.
So inside of looking for ways to divide us this Halloween, choose empathy. Try to make your celebration as inclusive and loving as possible.
More Resources on EmpathyYou might also enjoy reading:
Expanding Your Social Circle is Easier Than You Think
If you have kids between the ages of 6-11, you would also love the K Club! The K Club is a free monthly membership. Participants get fun guide each month full of tips and activities to help your children increase their emotional learning and become the confident kids we want them to be.
To get your free K Club guide, just add your email below!
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October 17, 2024
Louisville Book Festival—Bringing it to Life–5th Anniversary
We’ve all heard the “anything worth doing” adages:
Anything worth doing is worth doing well.
Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.
Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly until you learn to do it well.
The Louisville Book Festival, which celebrates its 5th year on October 18-19, 2024, is something that I truly believe is worth doing, despite all the setbacks that we’ve faced along the way.
When I first began dreaming of the festival, COVID happened and took it all online for 2020 and 2021.
While we were thrilled to have the event in person in 2022, it meant we had to learn to do a lot of things differently. Staging a festival online is a very different logistical beast than staging one in “real life”.
It meant learning from our errors, testing organizational systems and gaining feedback from stakeholders. In fact, we are still doing that. Each year, we continue to learn, grow and try new things.
This year, for the book festival’s 5th anniversary, we are trying out several new things.
For the first time ever, we will have:
Vendors selling book related crafts and projectsA Books for All Ball after the book festival with a DJ, pizza buffet and a costume contest with the chance to win a $100 gift card from Carmichael’s Bookstore. (Thank you Carmichaels for helping us celebrate 5 years!)More than 150 authors and presenters coming from near and far.
Our goal is to make the book festival something attendees want to return to each year.
To do that , we have to learn just as much from our successes as we do from our mistakes so that we can keep improving and bringing the joy of literacy to the Louisville community and beyond.
Small But MightyPeople are often surprised to learn that the book festival is put together mainly by a team of two and a lot of dedicated volunteers. We have never had “everything we needed” to pull the festival off but we have always found a way to make it work.
I often admit that if I knew just how much work the festival would be, I might have never done it. However, once I saw the deep need that it met in the community, I knew I had to keep going, no matter what.
Even through tight budgets, unexpected changes, and disappointments, we have made a way for the Louisville Book Festival for five years in a row.
I tell you that because we often convince ourselves that our dreams are too big, too much, too hard. And they might be. But you will never truly know until you try.
I know the Louisville Book Festival is much bigger than my team and I. I’ve also learned that big dreams bring people together and that is how they come to life.
You Can Support the Louisville Book FestivalIf you’re a book lover like us, we could always use your support to continue making the book festivals a success. 
To support the Louisville Book Festival, you could:
Share Louisville Book Festival posts on social media.Tell friends and family (or students if you are an educator) about it.Volunteer your time, even in small ways, to help make the festival happen. Come to the Louisville Book Festival and support the authors and vendors who attend. Make a tax-deductible donation to help us cover the costs associated with the Louisville Book Festival. Come to the Books for All Ball.Apply to be an author or vendor in 2025.We can’t wait to celebrate 5 years with you at the Louisville Book Festival on October 18th and 19th from 10am-5pm and at the Books For All Ball on October 19th at 7pm. Here’s to big dreams and making a way!
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October 10, 2024
How to Deal with Feeling Depressed After Reaching a Goal
Achieving a dream is supposed to be the pinnacle of success. You worked hard, overcame obstacles, and finally reached your goal! So, why is it that when the euphoria fades, so many of us find oursevles feeling lost, sad, or even depressed? This phenomenon, known as the post-dream letdown or arrival fallacy, is actually pretty common but no one talks about it. Let’s dive in and solve the mystery of why some people feel depressed after reaching a goal and how to overcome this emotional slump.
Why Do People Feel Sad or Depressed After Reaching a Goal?We often think that achieving a specific goal will bring us lasting happiness and contentment. We spend so much time focusing on our goals and visualizing what success will look and feel like that we sometimes set unrealistic expectations. When reality doesn’t line up with our big visions, we find ourselves feeling disappointed or and sad. But, that isn’t the only reason you might feel down after achieving a big goal.
The Emotional RollercoasterThere are also some chemical changes going on in your brain that can lead to post achievement depression or sadness. The initial high of success comes with a big release of dopamine. This brain chemical makes us feel amped up and excited.
When the excitement of achieving the goal is over and we head back to real life, dopamine drops and we start feeling sad, like we lack energy, or even develop a sense of emptiness. This emotional contrast can be jarring and confusing. Some people even feel guilty that their post-achievement happiness is so short lived.
Fortunately, there are some concrete steps you can take to overcome the sad feelings and keep moving forward.
How to Overcome the Post-Dream LetdownExperiencing post achievement depression or deep sadness is much more common than people realize. When you are prepared for it ahead of time, you will be better able to bounce back from the sadness and regain your joy. Follow these steps whenever you sense post-dream sadness creeping in:
Step 1: Acknowledge Your FeelingsThe first step in overcoming the post-dream letdown is to acknowledge your feelings. Understand that it’s completely normal to feel whatever you may be feeling. You don’t have to feel a certain way after you finally achieve a long standing goal. All emotions are valid. Accepting your emotions is a powerful and necessary first step toward healing.
Step 2: Practice Self CarePracticing self-care is crucial in overcoming negative emotions you might feel after finishing a big project. Working toward a major goal takes a lot out of you! Your mental and emotional reserves need some time to be replenished.
Taking part in basic self-care activities, like: 
can all improve your overall mood and well-being.
By taking care of your physical and emotional needs, you give yourself time and space to recalibrate and prepare for the next big goal with a renewed sense of purpose and balance.
Step 3: Set New GoalsOne of the best ways to combat the post achievement depression is to set new goals. If you’re not up for a monumental task yet, that’s OK. Even small baby steps can provide a sense of purpose and direction when you’re in a slump.
The funny thing about working toward a significant goal is that our sense of purpose gets wrapped up in what we are working toward. When we reach the finish line, we often feel equally excited and lost. If you can quickly go from one project to the next, you may be able to avoid the deep sense of sadness.
Step 4: Talk with a Mental Health ProfessionalIf you’ve done steps 1-3 and still find yourself struggling with an overall sense of sadness, reach out to a mental health professional to guide you toward the next steps in your journey. They may be able to shed light on specific reasons why you’re feeling the way you do and help you find a new focus or sense of direction.
How to Avoid Arrival FallacyAlthough achieving a goal is full of highs and lows, you don’t have to wait around to see if you fall into a post achievement depression. You can take proactive steps to avoid that sense of emptiness and keep going.
I often say that achieving one goal should be the fuel for the next. These are the steps I take to make sure it is:
Value the Process More Than the End ResultFocus on the process and the journey of achieving the goal more than the end result. Celebrate all the growth and learning that occur along the way. This shift in perspective can make the entire experience more fulfilling.
Know Your WhyGetting to know the deeper reasons behind your goals can give you a sense of purpose that goes far beyond just hitting a single target. Take a moment to ask yourself why this goal matters to you and how it connects with your core values. Remember, you are planting a tree. What you are working toward today isn’t just for you. It is for generations to come as well.
Seek Continuous GrowthRemember that personal growth is an ongoing process. Achieving one goal is just a small piece of your larger life journey. Sure, you want to take the time to celebrate and achieving a goal but you also want to remember that it isn’t the end. Keep seeking new opportunities for development and self-improvement. Stay open to challenges and experiences. You only get one magical life. Choose to make the most of it.
Fearlessly Achieve Your DreamsFeeling sad or even depressed after reaching a goal is a common experience, but it’s also an opportunity for growth and reflection. Now that you know arrival fallacy exists and is often part of the dreaming process, you can be prepared for it and pause to find joy in the journey.
If you are feeling stuck or overwhelmed on your goal-setting journey, I’d love for you to pick up a copy of my new book How to Dream.
Whether you currently feel a sense of emptiness or are well on your way to achieving a big goal, How to Dream can be your roadmap to success and your guide to the fulfilling life you know you deserve.
Dreams aren’t silly and they definitely aren’t a waste of time. Your dreams came to you for a reason. They are the reason you exist! You deserve to know how to make your dreams a reality.
Get your copy of How to Dream today so that you can regain a sense of direction and start the journey toward the life you’ve always dreamed of.
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October 3, 2024
Dare to Dream: Learn to Let Go of the Things You Can’t Control
Dreaming is fun, beautiful, and life-giving. Making those dreams a reality though is hard. Really hard.
It is still a life-giving, fun and beautiful journey but you will also come across obstacles, barriers, and disappointments that you’ll have to overcome. One of the best ways I have found to keep my head up and stay focused on my dreams no matter what is learning to let go of the things I can’t control.
Why You Need to Learn to Let Go of Things You Can’t ControlIf you have a dream in your mind, it becomes your “baby.” You nurture the goal and keep it close. You want to see that dream grow to “adulthood.” You can become very protective of your dream.
Although those feelings are pretty normal, being overly protective our our dreams doesn’t usually end well. Just like being overly protective and controlling with our kids doesn’t turn out well, being overly protective with your dream can actually keep you from achieving that dream.
We are ever-changing beings who exist in a world that is also ever-changing. If you aren’t open to new possibilities and are constantly trying to control things, you’ll just cause yourself more stress.
We can plan and dream all we want about how we’d like our dreams to look but we can’t control what the future holds. You don’t know what will happen along the way. You have to stop resisting anything that doesn’t match your original plan and be willing to follow the natural flow of life.
How to Let Go of Things You Can’t ControlI know that when you are focused on getting to a specific outcome, it can be really frustrating to get stuck along the way. Negative thoughts flood our minds. Negative emotions fill our bodies. We find ourselves doubting our dreams and wondering if we should just give up.
I’m here to tell you with confidence that no, you should not give up.
You should stop worrying and practice acceptance of what is happening. Often, when get out of our heads and make peace with reality, we realize it isn’t as bad as we initially thought.
Here’s how to practice letting go of what you can’t control:
Step 1: Define What You Can and Can’t ControlWhen a roadblock comes up, take a good look at what is really happening. Sort through the thoughts, feelings and emotions and define:
What you can control (your own actions, reactions, choices, etc.)What you can’t control (other people’s opinions, past events, and natural occurrences, etc.)What you can do to keep moving forward.By concentrating on the changes you can make, and letting go of the pieces you have no control over, you’ll be able to respond to the obstacle without letting it derail you or convince you to give up.
Step 2: Be Willing to Adjust Your Goals and DreamsSometimes, our initial dreams need a little tweaking to align better with our current circumstances and capabilities. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed. That doesn’t mean you are giving up. It means you are evolving with your dream.
If you feel stressed because your current dream or goal feels impossible:
Assess Your Current Situation: Take a step back and evaluate where you are in life. Are there obstacles that are making your original dream unattainable? Are those obstacles in your control? Are they permanent or temporary? Modify Your Goals: Adjust your goals, or next steps, to make them more achievable without losing sight of the core of your dream. This might mean finding smaller steps you can take, looking for a new avenue, or giving yourself permission to take a break. Stay Flexible: Life is unpredictable. You have to be willing to be flexible in your goals so you can adapt to new challenges and opportunities.Here’s what this process might look like in real life:
Let’s say your original goal was to become a doctor but as your looking into medical school, you are realizing it is way too expensive for your current financial situation. First, look at your situation and what you can control:
Can you:
Earn extra income?
Get a scholarship?Cut expenses?If none of those options seem to fit, move on to step two and look at how you can modify your goal.
Ask yourself:
Why do I want to be a doctor?What is the fundamental core of your dream?Do you simply want to be involved in the medical field or help people? Is there another way to achieve that goal? You may find that there is a more fulfilling way to achieve your core desire that looks nothing like your original plan.
Step 3: Ask for HelpAlthough learning to let go is an important part of personal growth, it is a really hard skill to learn. Sometimes when we are in control mode, blinded by past hurts, or distracted by our very loud inner-world, it can be really hard to learn to let go of control on your own.
Remember, you don’t have to go through this journey alone. The bravest people are the ones who know when it is time to stop fighting alone and ask for help.
You could:
Seek Professional Guidance: Consider working with a therapist or life coach to talk through your challenges, refine your goals, and start letting go of control. Delegate Tasks: If a part of your dream feels too burdensome, ask for help! I’ve never met a successful person who reached success all on their own. Ask people to join you on the journey! Build a Support Network: Surround yourself with supportive friends, family, loved ones or like-minded people who can offer encouragement along the way.Step 3: Redefine Failure and SuccessWhen we start working toward dreams, we often get caught up in how it “should look”.
If there is one thing I’ve learned as a professional dreamer its that the process of achieving a dream is just as important and the dream itself.
You have to let the dream take you where its meant to take you, even if the end result looks nothing like your original plan.
Practicing acceptance means you have to be willing to: Reframe Your Perspective: Understand that letting go of specific details doesn’t mean you’re abandoning your dream. You’re finding a more efficient or realistic way to achieve your dream but you are still moving forward! Adapt to Change: Be open to changes and new directions that your dream might take. The outcome of the detour may even be better than the original goal you set. Stay Positive: Find the good things, the little successes along the way, the magic that is fueling you and your dream. Remind yourself that your dream is still alive, even if it looks slightly different than you’d expected. Stay Curious: When you struggle to move forward, pause long enough to figure out why. Are you making the same mistakes over and over again that are keeping you stuck? Is your own fear holding you back? Are there aspects of your dream that you need to learn more about to move forward? Always look for ways to learn and grow. Curiosity will keep you engaged and creative, even when things get hard. Develop Coping Strategies: I have never said that achieving your dreams would be easy. Worth it, yes. Easy, no. It’s important to learn effective coping mechanisms for when you feel hurt or are dealing with setbacks. You could practice mindfulness, go exercise, try journal writing, or even just chat with a supportive friend. Prioritize your own well-being so that you can have the energy and resilience you need to keep working toward your dream. Learn from Adversity: I’ve probably learned more from the nos, challenges and “failures” than I have from my greatest successes. Roadblocks can provide valuable insights and make you stronger. Don’t fight them. Learn from them. Set Boundaries: Establish boundaries to protect your time and energy. This might include saying no to activities that don’t align with your goals, taking breaks when needed or even keeping unsupportive people at arms length.Letting Go of Control Isn’t Giving UpIf you take nothing else away from this article, I want you to remember that learning to let go of control isn’t giving up. It’s a powerful step towards achieving your dreams.
By focusing on what you can control, adjusting your goals, finding alternative routes, seeking help, and redefining success, you can overcome obstacles and stay committed to your vision.
If you want some inspiration to help you let go of control and start working toward the fulfilling life you know you deserve, my new book How to Dream is the roadmap you need. It is full of:
Practical strategies to overcome self-doubt in a world filled with rampant negativityPowerful affirmations to fuel your successActionable steps to put your dreams in motionTechniques to develop a growth mindset and become unstoppableWant a sneak peek?
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Remember, be brave, let go of the things you can’t control and keep running toward your dreams. You can do this!
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September 26, 2024
Daring to Dream: The Importance of Breaks
A few days ago I was out with a friend and she said, “Do you ever feel like you’re stuck on a hamster wheel that just never stops? It’s all go, go, go, rush, rush, rush.” In today’s hectic world, the idea of taking a break often feels like a luxury few can afford. For entrepreneurs, dreamers, and parents alike, the relentless grind and chronic stress are almost worn as a badge of honor.
Unfortunately, all that hustle and bustle can be a distraction that keeps us from recognizing and working toward what we really want.
What if I told you that taking a break isn’t a sign of weakness but a strategic move toward achieving your goals?
The Downside to “Being Busy”As parents, we are always on the go. There are no weekends off, lunch breaks, or vacations. It can often feel like there is no mental downtime either. We end our days frazzled and exhausted, wondering what we did all day while simultaneously feeling like we haven’t had even a minute to ourselves.
The problem with that is, if you never have time for yourself, you never have time to think, reflect or even recognize what you really want in life.
In my upcoming book How to Dream, I mention that society functions a lot like bees in a hive. The queen bee needs to keep us busy so that we don’t realize we’re sick and tired of flying around at her beck and call. We trade every second of our days for a paycheck, doing what someone else tell us to do. We put our own needs on the back burner, convinced they don’t really matter.
That is simply not true.
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The first step in remembering how to dream, and creating the fulfilling life you know you deserve, is to pause long enough to recognize what you really want.
Why It’s Okay to Take Temporary BreaksOne of the biggest misconceptions is that “we can’t” take breaks. We are afraid that if we step away from our to-dos for even a second, we will fall behind. The reality is that if you are running on fumes, you probably aren’t being all that productive anyway.
Our brains need rest to function optimally. If your brain and your body are begging you to stop, ignoring that need can lead to burnout and decreased efficiency. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Taking time away from your to-dos, or even your dream itself, can also actually help you solve problems and be more productive when you come back.
When we take breaks, our brains don’t really stop. They just have mental space and bandwidth to think about things in a new way. When you’re too close to a single task, it’s easy to lose sight of the bigger picture. A break allows you to step back, evaluate your progress, and make more informed decisions.
4 Benefits of Taking a BreakThere are lots of benefits to taking frequent breaks. Whether they are little micro breaks or day long self-care retreats, breaks give us time to focus on what we really want, think up new creative ideas and prevent decision fatigue. Here are four of the many benefits of adding break times to your daily life:
Enhanced ProductivityContrary to popular belief, pushing yourself to the brink doesn’t make you more productive. Taking regular breaks can actually help you get more done.
Attention spans vary greatly but most of us can only focus on one thing for 10-52 minutes at a time.
Recognizing when you’ve reached your limit and honoring your need to get up, move around, or think about something else can actually increase productivity.
Improved Physical and Mental HealthConstantly working without breaks can take a toll on your mind and body. Stress, anxiety, and burnout are all common side effects of grinding to get things done for far too long.
By taking regular breaks, you can reduce stress levels, improve your mood, boost your energy levels and maintain a more balanced mental state. Taking breaks has even been shown to help prevent heart disease in some studies!
Gain A New PerspectiveHave you ever been in about to lose your cool and decided to take a break instead of unleash your fury?
Taking breaks during arguments or conflicts can boost our ability to respond with compassion and empathy.
When emotions run high, it’s easy to become defensive or dismissive, which usually makes things worse. Stepping away helps us cool down, gather our thoughts, and maybe even better understand more of the other person’s perspective.
Make Better DecisionsDecision fatigue is a real thing. When you’re mentally exhausted, your ability to make good decisions suffers. Taking a break gives your mind time to rest and reset so that you can think it all through and make the best possible decision.
Increased CreativityCreativity thrives on diversity and novelty. When you step away from the mundane and try something new, you expose yourself to new ideas and experiences. You might even make a new friend, learn a new skill, or discover new solutions to your problems in the process!
How to Take Effective BreaksNow that you’re fully convinced that you need to add more breaks to your life, here’s how to make it happen:
Schedule Your BreaksOne of the most effective ways to make sure you take breaks is to schedule them. Set specific times during your day for short breaks and longer periods of rest. Treat these breaks as non-negotiable appointments with yourself.
I usually give myself a break, or some me time, first thing in the morning and right when I come home from work. When my schedule allows, I try to schedule breaks between therapy clients too so that I am giving each person my best self.
Try New ThingsVariety is the spice of life. It’s also essential for effective breaks. A break doesn’t mean you sit and stare off into space. It means you stop doing one thing for a bit to do something else.
You could take a break by:
The key is to do something that takes your mind off whatever is stressing you out or making you feel heavy in the moment.
Overcoming the Guilt Around Taking BreaksThe hive mentality runs deep. Most of us have been trained to believe that if we aren’t “doing anything” we are being lazy. That couldn’t be further from the truth.
We need breaks to discover our best ideas, our inner-desires and our deepest needs. If you really want to show up as your best self at work, for your kids, and even for your own dreams, you need to take breaks.
Reframe Your Break MindsetUnderstand that taking breaks is not a luxury but a necessity. Taking breaks gives you fuel to keep going. It’s like stopping at the gas station to put gas in the tank. If you tried to do that while driving, it would be a huge mess!
Breaks aren’t wastes of time. They are investments in ourselves, our relationships and our dreams. You need breaks to become your best you.
Focus on the Positive EffectsThe benefits of taking a break far outweigh the negative. Remind yourself that your well being matters just as much as anyone else’s. Your lunch break exists for a reason. A trip to a coffee shop isn’t selfish. The reduced stress and increased productivity you gain from taking time for you will benefit everyone around you.
Breaks are the Portal to Your DreamsI’m going to say it again—breaks aren’t selfish. They are the portal to your dreams. You will never figure out what you really want if you don’t take time for you. You will never be able to make your dreams a reality if you don’t prioritize time for the things you want. Working on your dreams can even be one of the ways to take a break!
You can’t live the fulfilling life you know you deserve until you know what fulfills you. So make a date with yourself this week to take a break, reflect on what you really want in life and rest and recharge.
If you’d like a beautiful workbook to guide your reflection, get this sneak peek of my new book How to Dream. We will also send you a snippet of the workbook we created to go with the book, to really help people take their dreams from idea to reality.
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