Manali Manan Desai's Blog, page 41

Chocolate is the Answer (Poem)

There are only a few things that can cheer me up,

on the top of that list, would be a full chocolate cup!

If all else fails to reject or accept me,

I turn to cocoa to get back the glitter and glee.

Photo by Giancarlo Duarte on Unsplash

That’s when I realize I don’t care who and what;

at least I have this to make it worth it.

So, if ever you feel that there’s no scope,

remember that there’s always some hope,

and there’s a sure shot way to get rid of that frown,

when you have some chocolate around.

Photo by Sara Cervera on Unsplash

Note: This poem is an excerpt from my debut poetry book A Rustic Mind.

***

Thank you for reading.

How to contact me:Connect with me on LinkedIn or Medium Follow me on Instagram and FacebookSend me an Email: arusticmind@gmail.com/manali1988@gmail.com

About Me — Manali Desai

The statement, “Tell me something about yourself” always freezes me. Like how do I define myself in a few sentences strung together? It especially makes me nervous too, because it takes me back to my job hunting days and the countless interviews I gave.

After three decades of life experience on this planet, I still haven’t mastered the art of talking about myself, but I’ll try.

Hi, I’m Manali Desai.

I’m a 32-year-old, happily married (huh?) woman (still a girl at heart). We do not have any children (at least not any that we’re aware of).

A photograph of me with my husband, Manan Desai

I hail from a small town called Surat in India. I grew up and completed my schooling from there. Once I turned 18, I moved to Mumbai and have since then become a proud Mumbaikar. Currently, my husband and I are NRIs residing in the Netherlands.

I hold a Bachelor’s Degree in BMS (Bachelor of Management Studies), an MBA, and an MA in English Literature; all from reputed colleges in Mumbai.

Now, I know the question that popped into your head was, “Why MA after MBA?”

Well, because, after dabbling here and there, I realized that literature is where I belong. (better late than never, right?)

If that made you roll your eyes, here’s another biggie.

My work experience is as varied as my educational degrees. I have worked as a Marketing Executive, a Teacher, and a Content Writer, only to realize that full-time jobs aren’t my thing.

I now work as a full-time freelance writer and editor cum blogger. Apart from my ad-hoc writing and editing assignments, I manage my own blog A Rustic Mind (Trivia: A Rustic Mind is my pen name on all social media platforms, including Medium) where I share book reviews, travel experiences, life anecdotes, inspiring human stories, poetry, and flash fiction.

As you can see I’m active on all major social media platforms

In my journey as a writer so far, I have also authored four solo books, been a part of two co-authored books, and edited a book for another author.

Top row: Four solo books. Bottom row: Two co-authored books

Adding more to blowing my own trumpet, I’d like to mention that four of these books have been Amazon bestsellers at one point. In fact, one of my short stories from the co-authored books titled Zista (my story title is The Walls Have Ears), also helped me bag the Best Short Story Award in 2019.

That’s me with all my book babies (barring my latest one which is not yet out in paperback and is currently only available as an eBook on Amazon Kindle)

Now that you know my name, educational and professional background, let’s move on to the less fancy and more personal bits.

What you’d like about me:I’m easy to talk to. Yeah, seriously. A simple smile and a gentle word, and I’m all ears to what you gotta say.I’m a foodie and a chocolate lover. (here’s proof of my chocolate love) Seriously though, feed me good food and I’ll always remember you.I have a great sense of humor (read this for proof)I try my best to make people around me feel comfortable (sometimes at the cost of my own comfort)What you won’t like about me:I am not very good at keeping in touch, especially via phone calls ( I make up for this by being almost always available on DMs)You will never find me without a book. I carry them even at social events which many people frown upon or roll eyes on.I am easily irritated, especially when I’m hungry.I’m an overthinker

Here are a few of my blogs that will help you understand my personality

To the Men Who Fear Feminists and FeminismCan I Call Myself A Writer?What Am I Afraid Of?An Open Letter to My Teenage SelfA Memory That Left Me MotivatedAn Open Letter to My Future SelfHow to contact me

Connect with me on LinkedIn and Medium

Follow me on Instagram and Facebook

Subscribe to my YouTube channel.

Send me an Email: arusticmind@gmail.com/manali1988@gmail.com

A Spring Morning (Short Story)

“Seema…… SEEEEMAAAA………where are you?”

I hear my mother calling out my name, first in desperation and then in a panic, with rising decibel points. I get up from the place where I’ve been trying to hide out for the past hour or so. I look towards where my mother’s voice is coming from, but before making my way, I turn to the small lake, and sigh, promising myself to come back to enjoy its beauty and calm.

“Mom, I’m here”, I declare as I make my way towards her. I see her expressions change from relief and then to anger in nanoseconds. As the gap between us closes, I’m prepared for an outburst about my careless behaviour, but before she can vent it out, I say, “I’m sorry. I needed to get out of there. There were just too many people.”

I notice her shoulders droop as she sighs and says, “But you should have at least told someone. Come, let’s get back to the house now.”

We were in a quaint little village called Benakatti. Though I hadn’t been to the village in the past five years or so, I have very fond childhood and growing up memories of this place. Mainly because, there always seemed to be so much greenery and flora around, which was sadly hard to find in Bangalore, despite it being one of the greenest cities in India.

We were in a quaint little village called Benakatti.

Photo by Dinis Bazgutdinov on Unsplash

The lake near where I had been hiding out was about a kilometer away from our ancestral home called Bennakkati Mane, literally meaning ‘the home of Benakkatti’. It wasn’t until I became a teenager and had once jokingly asked, “So this house is actually the home of the entire village?” that my grandma had scowled and informed,

“You ignorant child! Bennakkatti happens to be our family name and not just the name of this village.”

I smile affectionately and with a bit of sadness rushes forth as I think about my grandma. She was a fiery one! Unbidden, my eyes well up with tears as it suddenly strikes me that I will never be reprimanded by her again. I’m brought back to the present as my mom declares, “We’re having a meal of all ajji’s favourite food items for lunch and dinner today. We expect a lot of people to show up, even more than those at the prayer meeting. So, please try not to run away like that again.”

We are now at the gate of Bennakkati Mane and as I’m removing my footwear before entering the house, someone taps me on the shoulder. I turn to see a tall, dusky and bespectacled guy, who smiles and then says sadly, “I’m so sorry about your loss Kobbu. I know you were very close to her, even though you two had your differences.”

I don’t recognize him, but I smile, mumble a thank you and quickly enter the house. I had forgotten all about him, but when he smiles as I serve him Haalbai during lunch, I recall he had called me ‘Kobbu’. In the next second, I realize who he was and blurt out suddenly without realizing that we’re surrounded by almost 500 people, “Dumki! Fuck, how did you grow up to be so tall and handsome?”

I blush as he guffaws and people turn to look at me disdainfully. I walk away keeping my head down and run to my grandma’s bedroom. All my childhood memories come rushing back as I plow down on the bed.

Dumki, meaning failure and Kobbu, meaning fat, were the names Aditya and I had given each other during our childhood. We were inseparable then; we had spent almost every spring together, cooped up outside the veranda at my grandma’s home or anywhere in the village, where we spent hours talking, playing and planning out our whole lives.

It suddenly hits me that those spring afternoons and evenings were a major reason why I had such fond memories attached to this house and village.

After the meal is done, Aditya manages to find me. As he sits down next to me, I apologize profusely for my inappropriate behaviour, but he smiles and asks, “Have you been to the spot yet?” I nod and probably look very stupid as I nod even more enthusiastically when he suggests, “Let’s go back together.”

We walk out together of the house towards the spot where I had been hiding earlier. It was on a day very similar to today, that we had chanced upon it. I was chasing Aditya after he had snatched a mango I had been sucking on. I had run behind him till he went down a slope towards the village temple. After a few minutes of vain attempts to catch up, I chose to give up and plonked myself where I was standing at that point. It was only after I had a few moments to catch my breath that I could take in the surroundings. As I had looked around at the natural beauty I was engulfed in, I couldn’t help but remark, “Wow! Seems like I have discovered a hidden gem!”

I was almost at the edge of the lake. At some ten steps from where I was sitting, there was a tiny park of sorts with only two benches, which overlooked the lake and the opposite bank where one could see the mountain range in the distance.

These two benches were surrounded by all kinds of colourful flowers making it appear as if the benches had spurted right out of the earth. The greenery and flowers around were drooping over the benches, providing a natural shade. It looked as if the benches were enveloped in the arms of leaves and flowers, and it also felt like mother nature was protecting them from the outward world, being all possessive.

It looked so inviting that I had walked towards it forgetting all about chasing Aditya. I was sitting on one of the benches, all lost in thought when Aditya had joined me after a few minutes. He too had seemed mesmerized.

From that day on, it became ‘the spot’. We’d spend hours there, just sitting beneath the trees and flowers. It was there that we had named each other Kobbu and Dumki. We called each other these names, because I was quite chubby back then and he had had to repeat his class 3 as he had failed, and I couldn’t stop teasing him about it. Both of us mostly visited the village during our school vacations in March, April and May, which happened to be spring season. The one time that I had visited in October, the spot had looked so desolate it was hard to believe I was looking at the same place. I had wanted to return to Bangalore as soon as possible because even Dumki wasn’t around to keep me company.

During those spring vacations, Aditya and I would go out for walks after lunch and dinner every day, and then sit on one of these benches playing cards or board games, or spend time talking about school or family, or just sit there in silence observing and absolving in the beauty around us.

“Here we are!”, Aditya declares, bringing me back to the present. As he sit down and holds out his hand to offer the seat next to him on the bench, I can hardly believe he is the same dorky guy from my childhood who used to be my best friend. I take his hand and sit down comfortably, feeling the years fade away. It feels like we’re children again, carefree and irresponsible. Even the surroundings seem to agree, as there we were, beneath the trees and flowers in full blossom, just like those many spring days we had spent there.

I can’t help but feel grateful too, that my grandmother’s demise had come during a season that indicated positivity. Spring marks the rejuvenation of flora after the chilly winter and nature blooms in its full candour, making me draw an analogy between the springing of life in nature and the beauty it brings in, with that of something positive coming in my life too.

Though I’d had lost my grandmother, I had found a long-lost friend, and that too at a time which happened to be a season when I had bonded with them the best.

I take Aditya’s hand in mine, and we gaze out at the setting sun and its beautiful reflection in the lake water. As a few petals from the flowers surrounding us fall on both of us, we are filled with sadness about the loss of a dear one, as if she was blessing us through the falling petals. But in the same moment, as we look at each other and smile warmly, we’re filled with positivity about the future too.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

****

Unraveling another chapter of nature’s diaries,

Spring is the perfect me for such flurries.

So, gaze into the beauty of nature,

Wonder about the artistry of its creator.

That might give you the push you need,

For being able to give your best and succeed

When you have so much of nature to absorb and observe,

It’s sure to bring to your lips a curve.

The trees, the birds, and the flowers will be your friends

And to all your stresses they will nicely tend.

(Poem excerpt from the book A Rustic Mind)

Note: The above story was originally published in the print and e-version of Litgleam Magazine.

Thank you for reading. Wish you all a very colorful and happy spring.

****

How to contact me:

Connect with me on LinkedIn

Follow me on Instagram

Send me an Email: arusticmind@gmail.com/manali1988@gmail.com

The Most Awkward & Embarrassing Situations I Have Faced Over The Years

Jaylen Brown says,

Embarrassment is where growth happens

There are different stages of my life from when I can remember being asked embarrassing questions. Maybe reading through them will help you recall some of your own embarrassing moments.

I’ll divide this story into age groups so that I don’t forget any incident.

8–12 years

Back then we had landline phones as opposed to cellphones these days. So, whenever the phone rang, everyone heard the ring, and whoever was closest to the phone had to answer. I once picked up a call which was for my father and the person on the other end said, “May I speak to Mr.**** please?”

Despite being a child I was taught to ask who it was calling, so I asked, “May I know who is this?”

The answer came, “This is **** speaking”.

I wasn’t yet taught to address all elders with a ‘sir’ or ‘uncle’ so I shouted out to my dad saying “Dad, *****’s call for you”

There was immediate shock on my dad’s face and he said to me before taking the phone from me, “Are you mad? He’s my senior. Don’t call him by his name.”

As soon as he took the phone from me, he continued apologizing for my behavior for 2 straight minutes before moving on to the purpose of the call.

Though I failed to understand my mistake for a long time, everyone was made aware of it and during every social gathering the incident was recalled and I was asked, “Did you really call a millionaire by his name?”

It was embarrassing and after a point annoying.

What this experience taught me?Talk to strangers, even over phone calls, with respect and humility.Always refer to your elders with sir, uncle, or by adding a Mr. or Mrs. to their name/surname.Photo by Elena Koycheva on Unsplash13–15 years

My elder brother and I used to study in the same school. He was three years senior to me and a much-loved student *cough*. He was a favorite of the teachers, acing in studies and sports. That obviously made him popular among the students too. I, on the other hand, was introverted and kept to myself most of the time. Though I aced in English, I barely passed Math. This was surprising for most teachers and one of the most embarrassing moments was in my 7th grade when I passed the Math paper through grace marks. Both my brother and I had the same Math teacher at the time and when she called out my name, she said,

“(insert brother’s name)’s sister? Really? He just topped my paper in 10th grade. Is he your biological brother or a cousin?”

The teenage me could just nod and suppress the urge to retort at her increasing disgruntlement throughout the remainder of that academic year.

I wasn’t much into sports either, so similar remarks and questions came from the sports teacher too. It was not only embarrassing but I developed an inferiority complex in me which still has some marks left behind.

What this experience taught me?No two people can have the same level of intelligence and capabilities, despite being related by blood.Comparison between kids leads to them growing up with self-esteem issues.Photo by Yasin Yusuf on Unsplash18–21 years

The inferiority complex I spoke about earlier made its way well into my adulthood too. As students of BMS (Bachelor of Management Studies), we were expected to give PowerPoint presentations almost every week. These happened in front of all my classmates and the professor who taught us that paper.

Because of my inferiority complex, and never having done public speaking before, it took me a while to find my footing here. In fact, the initial few presentations included incidents like trembling hands and me resulting in tears.

During one such presentation, looking at my nervousness, the lecturer (who ideally should have been encouraging) asked me (out loud in front of the whole class) “If you can’t give a presentation well, why the hell have you taken this course?”

That became the tipping point and I vowed to make myself better. Needless to say, all presentations after that went quite well. In fact, the same professor appreciated my speaking skills on more than one occasion after that.

What this experience taught me?Public embarrassment sometimes leads to growth.You never know your full potential till you open yourself to try new things.Photo by Teemu Paananen on Unsplash21–23 years

I joined an MBA course after my BMS. Our marketing professor was an outspoken and flamboyant personality. He treated us as his friends and colleagues rather than his students. We all enjoyed his lectures and he was my favorite too, until one day he crossed a line (at least in my opinion).

While taking the attendance, when he called out a friend’s name, I said “He’s coming, Sir”

He looked up from the register, gave a sly smile, and said, “Do you know what that means lady? Be careful of the words you choose.”

I was shell-shocked and angry. Everyone was obviously amused and chuckled at my embarrassment. In fact, it becomes a running joke for the rest of the semester.

It was much later (after learning the ways of the world) that I realized his behavior was nothing less than sexual harassment and I wish I had the balls back then to make some noise about it.

What this experience taught me?You don’t need to take sexual humor lightly, even it comes from someone at a higher position than you.Photo by Tye Doring on Unsplash23–24 years

I was working as a Marketing Executive in a small firm, which was more like a HUF (Hindu Undivided Family). There were very few female employees in the company and most of the men belonged to conservative families.

I was friendly with everyone irrespective of their age or gender. However, this seemed to irk quite a few people. I realized this when during lunch one day, a male colleague asked what I had got and one of the female colleagues responded, “Draupadi must have taken care of all men, don’t worry. It is something the men demanded of you, right?”

That was enough to make me realize that I needed to maintain distance from them all, especially the men.

Draupadi is a female character in the Indian epic Mahabharata. She was a wife to all five Pandava brothers. By calling me Draupadi, the female colleague was hinting that since I was friendly with all the men, it implied I was their common wife*

What this experience taught me?Gender bias and patriarchy exist everywhere whether we accept it or not, and whether we see it or not.Being close to a person of the opposite gender, especially at work, will lead to gossip.Photo by krakenimages on Unsplash27–28 years

In India, under the arranged marriage system, single men and women meet each other through the approval and suggestions of parents and elders. I, too, was meeting eligible bachelors so I could choose the right person to spend the rest of my life with.

Though I have nothing against this system because I got married to my now-husband in this manner too, I did have a few unpleasant experiences while choosing my life partner this way.

During one such meeting, the guy (who was obviously a slave of patriarchy) asked me, “So, how many dishes can you cook? You seem to be those career-oriented types who don’t know much about cooking. I expect 7 different varieties of food on 7 days of the week.”

Though I was embarrassed and angry at being judged so harshly and wrongly, I laughed out, chose to ignore the question, and walked out soon after.

I’m sure it was more embarrassing for him than for me because by this stage in my life, I was done feeling sorry about myself and felt no need to tell him that I could cook, and that too definitely more than 7 dishes!

What this experience taught me?What someone thinks about us is more often than not, never in our control. But how we react to it, is almost always in our control.The world expects us all to be a certain way. It is up to us whether we want to fit in and make everyone happy, in the process stop focusing on what makes us truly happy; or to break those shackles, be a little different and prove to the world that we refuse to be confined by societal roles.Photo by William Moreland on Unsplash28 and beyond (I’m currently 32 years old)

I have always been insecure about the way I look. But I have to come to accept and love myself despite that.

However, those teenage inferiority complexes never leave us, do they? At a social event some months ago (which my husband and I both attended) someone we were merely acquainted with, asked, “How did someone like you end up with such a handsome man?”

I was about to retort angrily, when my husband intervened and replied, “I married her for her personality. You should try having one too.”

We left her with herself after that and I could not help but wonder, “I guess we as a society are never going to understand the concept of ‘Beauty is skin deep”.

What this experience taught me?When it comes to couples, one of the two is always going to be judged and questioned about being lesser or better than the other.As long as the two people in a relationship understand each other and are happy, it doesn’t really matter what the world thinks about them.Photo by Djim Loic on Unsplash

As the story implies, such questions are going to continue coming in, as life goes on. Thankfully I have learned to move past them by now. I hope reading through my experiences made you feel better about not having faced such a situation yourself, or made you recall and relate to them.

Thank you for reading.

How to contact me:

Connect with me on LinkedIn

Follow me on Instagram

Send me an Email: arusticmind@gmail.com/manali1988@gmail.com

Once Bitten Twice Lucky by Sundari Venkatraman

Book blurb:

Deepshika feels as free as a bird once she decides to kick her womaniser husband out of her life. The lawyer is confident of bringing up her teenage kids with her father’s help.

Karan isn’t all that upset when his wife dumps him, leaving behind their preteen daughter for him to bring up. But the alimony she claims comes as a rude shock.

Sparks fly when the shocked husband meets the divorced, divorce lawyer. But what will happen when their respective children come face to face? Will they accept their parents’ relationship or rebel against it?

Will the once bitten Deepshika and Karan be lucky in their relationship the second time?

Genre: Fiction/Romance

Pages: 174

Format: Kindle eBook

Price: 99 INR/$2.99

My Ratings: 3.9/5

Deepshika and Karan are recently divorced from their 15+ years of respective marriages. Both of them are extremely good looking as well as successful. When they cross paths, sparks fly and it seems this time, their lovelorn lives will not be as bad. But will their children accept this love too?

A story full of positivity and hopefulness.

What I liked about the book:
-> The absolutely gorgeous and apt cover.
-> The character of Deepshika’s father, Gulshan, and his unrelenting support towards his daughter and grandchildren.
-> Deepshika’s son Darsh’s character who grows up overnight following his parent’s divorce and assumes the role of the ‘man of the family’. It’s sad to see him lose his childhood and innocence but it’s also heartwarming to see matured he is for someone so young.
-> The absolutely heartwarming friendship between Krutika and Myra, and how they stand by each other through a difficult breakup between their parents.
-> The seamless shifting of PoVs in between the narrations.
->The bonding between the leads with their respective kids and each other deserves a special mention.
-> The way Karan reacts on finding out the reason behind his wife leaving him. It shows just how genuinely good Karan is and we can’t help but fall in love with him.
-> The chemistry between the leads is simply smoldering with sparks flying around (quite loudly in your mind too while reading)

What I did not like about the book:
-> The plot is very predictable with hardly any turning points or plot twists. -> The protagonists and their family seem too perfect to be realistic, like, there’s no flaw and no problem in their life besides their divorce? Too filmy for me, sorry.
-> I found it a little hard to digest that Deepshika got married at 18. Why wasn’t the fact that she finished her college and managed to build up a career, after getting married and having two children, mentioned anywhere?

Quotable quotes:
->It’s best that we acknowledge the truth. It will help us move on with our lives.
->Life is easier when one is young. You can afford to call a spade a spade.
-> Any relationship is made or broken by two people.
->A married couple going their separate ways need not necessarily mean that one of them was to be blamed.

Buying details:

Amazon IndiaAmazon.com

Author’s social media links:

InstagramTwitterFacebookLinkedIn

A Serious Joke

Happy April Fool’s Day, everyone. 

Here’s a microtale on this occasion to remind you not to get carried away by the jokes and pranks.

Photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash

Started as an April Fool’s joke, the prank brought out issues between them,

which turned a fun day into a serious one.

Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash

Note: The above microtale is an excerpt from my book The Untold Stories. The book is a collection of 131 such microtales. 

Screenshot of the microtale from The Untold Stories  Book cover of The Untold Stories 

Thank you for reading. Do check out a few of my other short poems and microtales in the stories below.

  A Weekful of Poetry ~ 7, 25 Word Poems 10, One Line (Funny & Truthful) Definitions of Everyday Things

Slaying The Blues by Chitra Padmana

Book blurb:

This is a non-preachy short read about how you can tackle issues of daily life that often put a dampener on your spirits and productivity. It charts out some easy practical actions you can start on right away to uplift your mental energies. If you’ve been facing anxiety or have lost the zest for life lately, this book will surely pep you up and act as a stress-buster! 

Sprinkled with the author’s own perspectives on how she handled her difficult days, this book provides lots of tips and resources for both instant as well as long-term re-wiring of mindsets for a healthier and happier lifestyle. Being utterly clumsy and disorganized, she feels this will help people like her who’re always in a tearing hurry even while struggling to control the variables in their lives.   

Get started on this quirky yet helpful self-help handbook that covers aspects like listening to yourself, creativity for mental health, social media blues, relationships, wellness, reading and listening recommendations. It also includes an entire chapter devoted to effective handling of crappy days! Read to find out why self-love is important for the soul.  

Celebrate a new you with self-care! 
Sparkle up on your nastiest days! 
Start slashing away those blues now!! 

(FREE WORKBOOK ON THE INSIDE!) 

Genre: Nonfiction/Self-help

Pages: 47

Format: Kindle eBook

Price: 72 INR/$1.78

My Rating 4/5

Stay positive all the time is impossible. Especially when you’re having a bad day. This book provides answers on how to handle oneself during gloomy days and taking care of the self when feeling under the weather.

A heartfelt read about taking care of oneself.

What I liked about the book:
-> Generally such are just theoretically sound but this book has a very personal touch and a practical approach.
-> Each and every hack is explained in detail.
-> All the hacks mentioned in the book are practical and very easy to be followed. The author also goes on to explain why a particular hack should be followed and what would be the benefit of following that hack.
-> I found many unique ideas that I am going to use very soon.
-> It was a refreshing read and it inspired me to implement the ideas.
-> There are hyperlinks provided to all names and websites mentioned, so there is a quick actionable.
-> The author invites us to drop her a mail for discussing further or to ask for her help in following through a hack, which I found endearing.

What I did not like about the book:
-> Most of the book felt like a blog post or journal entry with a very informal tone.

Quotable quotes:
-> A few failures, some stray remarks don’t define you, but your capabilities do.
-> It doesn’t take a huge effort to make tiny changes in one’s life.
->Working smarter instead of working harder is more productive.
-> Growling up indeed is the hardest phase of our lives- a place where we feel stuck between our incomplete childhoods and an inviting era of “adulting”.
->The first step to alleviating the blues is accepting you have them.
->Be patient with people because they’re probably having a rough day as well.
-> To stay happy one doesn’t always require a companion.
-> Begin the day by putting yourself first, because that’s the only way you can get through the day.
-> Self-care is NOT being selfish. Self-love is NOT narcissism.
-> Simple and effective feel-good stuff that you do for people you meet every day, goes a long way in lifting your own spirits up.
-> Don’t bottle up your feelings. Crying is not a weakness. It gives you strength. It gives you perspective.
-> Adding value doesn’t mean a well-decorated CV. Something that can make us feel a deep sense of satisfaction, even if it isn’t directly related to one’s professional growth or done for the sake of validation from others, is value.

Buying details:

Amazon IndiaAmazon.com

Author’s social media links:

InstagramFacebookTwitter

A Dangerous Affair – A British Raj Romance by Rubina Ramesh

Book blurb:

Charu…

She is a young girl of twenty who leads a well-protected life. But in 1947, when India is at the brink of getting her independence, who could remain innocent to death and loss? Charu is not spared either. Anger bubbles inside her, and she vows to avenge her loss. But to do so, she has to cross the path of Dev.

Dev…
He is the privileged son of the zamindar. He enjoys being a spoilt brat and has a Cassanova image. But his good looks and charming smile hide some deep secrets. Will he be able to bare his heart to a young girl who was much beneath his status?
They meet, and they clash. Falling in love was in their destiny. But would the same destiny send Charu to face her death? Or will Dev be able to save her on time?

Genre: Fiction/ Romantic Thriller

Pages: 211

Format: Kindle eBook

Price: 49 INR/$2.99

My Ratings: 4.5/5

Set in 1947, this is the story of Charu, a 20-year-old who has just lost her siblings in the freedom struggle. To avenge their deaths, she manages to employ herself as a scribe to the local Zamindar (landlord) who was responsible for the deaths of her siblings and many of her villagers. Here, she faces the Zamindar’s son, Dev, who interferes with her plans in every way possible. Though agitated by his flirting and doubting, she feels a strange familiarity with Dev. Will she be successful in her plans?

Love for the Nation vs Romance

What I liked about the book:

-> The story begins with a bang, drawing us in right away. The scene also makes us question how the plight of women has been the same across generations.

-> Charu’s character and how she turns from a beautiful, protected, young girl to a rebellious and passionate woman with a purpose.

-> The story takes us to a time when patriotism was running high and the feeling to die for the motherland was at its peak, thus leaving us questioning our beliefs and lifestyle in 2021, at many points.

->  The conversation between the characters that has dialects from Bengali, has been beautifully expressed and makes the story as well as the setting and plot, very authentic.

->Dev’s character which has so many layers to it; my favorite being the fact that he struggles to express his love for the motherland because of his upbringing and surrounding of an elite, especially with a father who is a worshipper of the Redcoats.

-> Towards the climax, I loved the character of Captain Butler’s wife, Nancy, who, despite being a Britisher, is shown to be a kind and compassionate woman.

-> The dialogue between Charu and Captain Butler in the climax, where they argue about whether or not the British Raj was good for India; I loved how Charu points out what some of us still fail to accept after 7 decades of Independence.

What I did not like about the book:

-> The big reveal that comes right before the climax was kind of predictable for me (but this could be just a ‘me’ thing because I have read so many romantic thrillers to gauge what’s coming next)

Quotable quotes:

-> Love is not about forcing your view on your other half. It’s about letting go. It’s about smiling at their success or giving a hand to pick up the pieces when needed.

-> It is useful to know what the enemies are thinking.

-> As a woman she could very well understand how dirty one felt when the lecherous eyes of a man fell on her.

->Life had suddenly become a burden that they had to carry on their shoulders. The dead were gone and the living were left behind lamenting.

-> One could fight the perpetrators but when the enemy resided inside your own house, it was like fighting a losing battle.

-> She had heard so many stories about the atrocities of the Zamindar, that associating happiness to a place which brought only sadness in the lives of other was unbelievable.

->A well-stocked library which no one used in the middle of a village where kids could hardly manage to have a full day’s meal. This showed how unjust was the distribution of wealth.

-> Why can’t we cherish every moment that we have now? Why cry over the future that we have not yet seen?

-> If you go to Calcutta and not eat the food there, what have you seen?

-> Revenge, especially for your loved ones, is a very powerful motivator.

-> He had loved her and lost her. But the journey between these two points defined his life.

->”I’m not a comedian,”, he growled, “I just have a better sense of humor than you.”

Buying details:

Amazon IndiaAmazon.com

Author’s social media links:

InstagramFacebookTwitterLinkedIn

Touch Me Not (A Short Story)

Photo by Some Tale on Unsplash

Trigger Warning: sexual assault

Akshay tapped gently on Kaya’s shoulder to get her attention. Before he could say anything, Kaya violently jerked his hand away and shouted angrily, “Hey! Don’t touch me without my permission!”

Akshay was mildly embarrassed at such a reprimand and more so because everyone working around had turned their heads curiously to see what had caused such a reaction from Kaya.

Akshay immediately apologized and said, “Sorry to have caught you by surprise. I just wanted to ask; shall we go for lunch?”

Kaya immediately felt guilty about her outburst and said, “I’m so sorry, Akshay. I just don’t like being touched by anyone. Yes, let’s go have lunch! I’m starving.”

Over lunch, Kaya was unusually quiet and kept mulling over what had happened. The guilt now doubled as memories of another such recent outburst flooded her mind. At an office outing two weeks back, she had lost her temper on Vineet from the Technical team and would have even slapped him if Akshay hadn’t intervened. The reason? In the game of tug of war, Vineet had accidentally fallen on top of her after losing his grip on the rope. Despite Vineet’s constant apologies, Kaya had lashed out at him angrily and things would have gotten way out of control if not for Akshay’s quick thinking and decision to take things into his hands.

Every time someone touched her without her knowledge or consent, it triggered similar or worse reactions which were now getting out of control. She felt guilty about lashing out so harshly, but it was something involuntary. The minute someone lay a hand on any part of her body, her mind would go numb and her only thought was to get the hands of that person off her.

She knew the cause but did not know the reason; and even if she figured out the reason, she did not understand how she should stop herself from reacting this way. So, life went on for her, and she maintained a physical distance from anyone and everyone around her, including her parents and elder brother, and even her closest friends.They too, in return, kept their distance from her, because they’d had been on the receiving end of her angry outbursts more than once.

It was most difficult for her parents as they were those, she spent the most time with. Being around her, they could never keep their guard down. She knew their guarded behavior was because of her. Her mother had even tried being forceful about hugging Kaya once or twice, but Kaya had ended up crying so hard that her mother never touched her again, even by chance.

So, today was just another episode like that. However, Kaya knew Akshay was different. He took care of her as no friend or family had ever done so far. It was obvious to Kaya that he was going out of his way to ensure her comfort every time they were together. From ensuring he never touched her to make sure things did not go out of hand if someone else touched her, he was like her constant protector and savior.

Kaya wasn’t stupid; she knew this meant he cared more than a friend. Even she liked him a lot, in fact, if she were honest with herself, she could see herself building a future together with him.

However, the one thing that bothered her most was that, if things got serious, she knew there would be expectations of physical intimacy coming into the picture at some point. How would she handle that, and more importantly, will be able to accept her without that? She decided to accept and handle things as and when they came.

She was mulling over these thoughts while waiting for her work pick-up. It was the company cab, but she had somehow missed the all-female pick-up and had to take a cab with some of her male colleagues. From the minute she had realized she would have to share space with men, she had been a nervous wreck. She even considered calling in sick and taking an off. That was the level of discomfort she had with physical proximity around humans!! However, if she needed to progress positively with Akshay, she realized she would have to begin somewhere, and this felt like a good start.

As luck would have it, she ended up sitting next to Vineet from IT and both of them avoided each other. The ride to work was a good half an hour to forty-five minutes and the discomfort between these two was palpable. Kaya kept herself busy, scrolling through her phone or looking out of the window. While trying to get his phone out from his trousers pocket, Vineet’s hand brushed against Kaya’s thighs and she gave him an angry look but chose to say nothing. In terms of growth, she had made two leaps today, she thought to herself and gave herself a mental pat on the back.

She felt positive after that and the rest of the ride was uneventful. As they reached the office gate, she opened the cab door and turned to get down from the cab, when Vineet’s hands grabbed her buttocks and there was a definite and hard pressing by both his hands. However, before she could turn around and react, he had gotten out of the cab from the door on the other side and was on his way inside the office building. She was paralyzed and couldn’t move from the spot. She felt disgusted and cheap. That one moment where his hands had pressed her buttocks, a long-time forgotten memory had come rushing back to her mind.

She remembered being pressed against a wall, as her childhood best friend, Sanam, with his other free hand moved his hands all along her back, thighs. As he pushed further, he got his mouth near her ear and whispered, “This is our little secret. Don’t tell anyone, okay?”

She had been so terrified and thinking it had all been her fault, she never said a word about it to anyone. After that incident, Sanam soon moved out of the city, and over time Kaya forgot about him and that episode completely.

Today, Vineet’s touch had brought that haunting experience back to her mind. She broke down in the cab itself. Luckily, Akshay was getting out from another cab, saw Kaya crying, and immediately rushed over to her. This time, Kaya was the one to grab hold of him and hugged him tightly as she got out of the cab and he helped her over to the side. As he patted and consoled her, she told him everything, about how Vineet had touched her today and also about that black day from so many years back.

It became clear to Kaya what made her the way she was and why she held back from physical intimacy. Now that she knew the reason, she had broken the barrier already by allowing her body to get comfort from Akshay’s calming touch. Her body would surely learn over time, the difference between forceful and consensual touch, if she let it.

However, more than that, because she now knew what had led to her being the way she was, she was determined to speak out against Vineet and then even confront Sanam if she could. The way to move ahead and get out of this vicious circle was clear in her mind now and she decided not to punish herself and those who genuinely cared, because of predators like Sanam and Vineet.

World View ~ A Poem

No two people look at the same thing,

in the same manner,

The rabbit jumps out of a burrow

and sees the world from down below,

The bird flies out of its nest

and sees the world from up above.

Photo by Alexander Schimmeck on Unsplash

Why and what are they looking at?

We may never know perhaps!

This brings to the fore many aspects.

World view depends on the angle,

It also depends on who’s the one looking,

But mostly it depends on the ‘why’ and ‘what’ of looking at things.

Note: This poem is in response to the Writer’s Digest prompt on an ekphrastic poem.