Christopher Bussard's Blog, page 18

Content or Satisfied

We are often told that we should be content with what we have. There are many people who are less fortunate, and we should be thankful. And this is true. There is always someone who is worse off than we are, and to verify that all we need to do is take a look around our world, and look throughout history. But this can all be misleading.

Being content with what we have should not imply being satisfied with the way things are. I should appreciate that I have a home to live in, and a family to share it with. In these things I need to be content. I battle depression every day, but there are many people who are worse off than I am. I should be grateful that I am not worse off than I am. My wife and I have jobs while many people are unemployed. We should be appreciative of this, which we are.

But if I convince myself that being content in what I have means that I should be satisfied with the way things are, I would not push myself for something beyond what I have already accomplished. I enjoy photography, and this photo of the butterfly was not the first one I took of it. I took a photo, which makes me content, however I was not satisfied of the content. I took several more photos, one of which is the one featured above. Because I was not satisfied with the first photo, I took more until I had one that I could be proud of.

I have suffered from depression my entire life, and I can be content with my life as it is, because it could be worse. But I cannot be satisfied to sit around and accept my life as it is while so many people struggle every day. If I was satisfied with my life the way it was, I wouldn’t have started a blog or written a book to help others who struggle. I would simply sit back and accept my life as it is while people all over the world suffer in silence. But I join those who push themselves every day to continue to fight the good fight. There are so many people out there pushing themselves beyond what they thought they were capable of because they are not satisfied with the way things are, even though they may be content in what they have.

Do not disregard that feeling that is pushing you beyond what you have already accomplished because something is telling you that you should be content with what you have. We must all work to better ourselves for the benefit of others. Push yourself so that you may help someone who is worse off than you. Don’t be satisfied to watch other people struggle, and don’t tear them down for your benefit. Be content in what you have, but do not accept that you should not work hard in order to make things better than they are.

Book Reviews Please

I am reaching out to ask those of you who have read my book to please write a review for me. I understand that everyone is very busy, so I appreciate your time. You can write through Amazon and/or Goodreads, or any other site you may have purchased it through. This would really help me out a lot, and I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you!

Looking for More

My dog found a new game that he enjoys. As he grabbed one toy, I would start to play with another. He would soon give up the toy he had for the one I was playing with. I then began to play with the toy he originally had until he gave up his toy again for mine. This continued the same way and then I asked him a question. “Why can’t you just be happy with what you have?”

As I asked my dog this question, I felt that I was speaking to myself. “Why can’t you just be happy with what you have?” I felt like a bit of a hypocrite. There are many things that I find myself wanting more of. I nicer yard, a bigger camper, a boat. But if I had these things, what more would I be looking for. Why can’t I just be happy with what I have?

Strength Part 2

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Was Gonna

I don’t think I’m the only person who looks back and says I “was gonna” do this, or we “were gonna” do that. It seem like we all have things that we should or would like to do, but find a reason to put it off. We’ve had a few things come up lately that we “were gonna” do but didn’t, and now we’re looking back thinking we “should’ve” done this or “should’ve” done that.

I need to stop finding reasons for putting things off because “was gonna” doesn’t happen. I don’t want to look back on my life and think that I should’ve spent more time with my family or that I was gonna make time for a friend. “Was gonna” and “should’ve” are excuses we tell ourselves to make us feel a little better for not doing what we needed to do when we had the time to do it.

Strength

I feel like I should either break or snap at this point, whichever analogy you would prefer to imagine. This week has been very rough on our family, including surgeries and illness (including a COVID diagnosis). To finish off the month of April, and a very bad week, I had to bring our one-year-old cat to the emergency vet yesterday which resulted in surgery in order to remove an obstruction – a surgery necessary in order for her to survive.

In spite of all this I feel like I continue to maintain my strength. But it’s not of my own. Perhaps this is the strength that transcends all understanding. Because left to myself I would curl into a corner and wait until this all passes. I just have to trust that this strength will continue.

We are more than our struggles. We are more than our worries. If we ask for strength, we are given what we need to get us through our struggles. It’s the moments between our struggles that make our lives what they are. Because as I sit and write this, I hear my children playing in the basement. And they need me to be strong for them.

Fight

When I started my blog, The Fight With Depression, and my book, The Fight: My Battle With Depression, I was very purposeful in selecting the words, “the fight.” After contemplating what would be the best title, I decided that “the fight” would describe a struggle as well as being a metaphor for life. Therefore it could be a struggle with depression as well as life with depression. But I have realized that my analogy has failed to represent my true intent.

This idea of a struggle with depression leads to a false understanding of what life should be. And to be completely transparent, it has left me at a point where I’m using my depression as an excuse to bring me down. This idea of a struggle doesn’t necessarily imply a victor, only the struggle itself. At least in my mind. Because of this, I let life tear me down.

Continuing with my transparency, I have allowed this to discourage me. My book sales have not been good; the struggle. Because I see no victor, I only struggle. So I give up. Or I should say I gave up. I told myself people didn’t want to read it because nobody cares what I have to say. The struggle. I have always enjoyed writing, and liked the idea of writing other books in the future. But a struggle without victory tells me that people won’t read those either. As I stated, this analogy has failed me. What is worse is that it has failed those around me.

I have spent a little time analyzing my outlook on this, and realized that life is not a struggle. This is why I explain it as a failed analogy. “The Fight” should not represent a struggle, but a battle. Or to be more precise, a war. I speak a little about this in the book, but I probably should have read my own writing. We should not struggle with depression, but fight against it.

Once again I must be transparent. You may read this as a plea for people to read my book. And to some extent it is, I won’t lie. But as I see people who struggle with mental illness, I would like to encourage them to fight against it. Living your life should not get you down. I have often said that I struggle with depression. But I’m tired of struggling with it. I want to fight against it. I don’t want to struggle with depression, I want to be victorious over it.

School Update

It has been a little while since returning to school, and proves to be difficult each day. The work is not necessarily that hard part, though. Life isn’t getting easier, and there I definitely don’t have more time to do things. The kids are doing school online as well, so there are four of us trying to get schoolwork done at the same time. Anxiety continues to show its face each day.

Often I have thought how much easier it would be to put my degree on hold. I have so many other things that need to get done, and that I want to do. But that’s taking the easy route. At this point I am just anxious to be done, and looking at how much I still have to do is quite discouraging. But I continue to see struggles all around, and hope that continuing to press forward will be worth it in the end.

These are ridiculous complaints, though, and I realize I have no room to gripe. With so much going on in the world right now, I’m lucky for the opportunity to do what I’m doing. I’m not sure that makes it much easier.

Interview

 

 

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Yesterday I was interviewed at my church about the book I wrote and about my journey. If you would like to watch the interview, please check it out here. This was pretty difficult to get up there and speak, and I was definitely out of my comfort zone, but I hope it can help someone.

Christmas Season

The Christmas season is supposed to be a season of hope and happiness. But if you suffer from depression it can be the worst time of the year. You can be surrounded by friends and family, yet never feel so alone. Surrounded by joy and laughter, yet never feel so sad. Surrounded by decorations and lights, yet never feel so in the dark.

If you find yourself feeling like this, please know you are not alone. There is hope. Please reach out to someone and let them know how you are feeling. There is always someone willing to listen, and would rather you reach out to them rather than suffer in silence. And if you can’t think of anyone, I am here. You can go to my Contact page and send me an email. I will be here for you.

If you don’t feel this way, chances are you know someone who does. Please spend a little time showing others you care. You may change someone’s life without knowing, but they will never forget.