Margaret Robinson Rutherford's Blog, page 24
December 13, 2021
263 SelfWork: The Voices of Arab Women: A Conversation with Suzan Kanoo, Author of Hear Us Speak
Through a series of candid interviews with women from several countries, including Saudi Arabia, Kuwait and Bahrain who have faced the difficult consequences of a lack of legislation. Being jailed for expressing their opinions on social media, receiving inheritances that are a fraction of those given to their brothers, having their children abducted—legally—by their husbands and suffering physical and emotional abuse with little chance for protection from the courts, these women, like countless others in their region, have faced dire circumstances..“To be a woman is a gift,” Kanoo writes. “We give birth to future generations. We give love unconditionally. And we face unique daily challenges and adversity with grace, strength, and courage. This is universal. Hear us speak.”
Important Links:
Here's the link once again to my new interactive podcast on Fireside Chat! Click here!
BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
Link to Hear Us Speak
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my websiteand receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
Now there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
December 9, 2021
262 SelfWork: Do You Choose Happiness? And If So, Do You Choose Depression?
Perhaps one of the most complex concepts in mental health is the concept of choice. More specifically, there’s a huge and dramatic debate over the idea that someone “chooses” depression or anxiety. I myself have panic disorder as many of you know and it riles me up a bit to hear from someone that I chose at one point in my life to shake and sweat, for my heart to race as if I’m facing a monster – when it was simply my turn to introduce myself at a meeting. So on today's SelfWork, sponsored by Athletic Greens, we’re going to try to have a reasonable look at choice - choice theory, positive psychology and just how far you should go with the concept of choice in mental health issues and especially, trauma.
The listener email today is from a woman who says that she’s dissociated often since childhood and the habit or the tendency is now getting in her way of staying in the present especially when she’s with family. And she picks her nails when she dissociates so that maybe there’s a clue there!
Important Links:
Here's the link once again to my new interactive podcast on Fireside Chat! Click here!
Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription!
APA's article on Choice Theory
TalkSpace article on positive psychology
Martin Seligman's TED Talk on positive psychology
Carol Kauffman's article in the Harvard Mental Health Letter on how to integrate positive psychology into more traditional therapy
Cleveland Clinic's article on depersonalization/derealization disorder
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
Now there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
December 2, 2021
261 SelfWork: Keeping On Keeping On:: A Conversation with Author and Widow Leslie Streeter
As a therapist, I’ve been honored by many to try to help them work through their grief. And it can be raw, cutting off someone’s ability to breathe deeply or feel like they’re even breathing at all. Or want to. But when I met met Leslie Streeter, I knew I had to have her on SelfWork. Her story, told with candor, humor and grit, is about her husband Scott's death when suddenly she was thrust into being a single mom while trying to cope with life and grief.
Leslie Gray Streeter is an author, veteran journalist and speaker. whose memoir “Black Widow,” was published in March 2020 by Little, Brown and Company. Until recently, she was the longtime entertainment and lifestyle columnist and writer for the Palm Beach Post. A native of Baltimore, Md and a University of Maryland graduate, she and her work have been featured in The Washington Post, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, The Seattle Times, The Atlantic, The Today show, SiriusXM, O, The Oprah Magazine and more. She lives with her son Brooks and her mother Tina in her hometown of Baltimore, which she moved back to last summer. She’s a slow runner, an amateur vegan cook and a true crime and “Law and Order” enthusiast.
You can see her light and spirit in her Today Show interview. This certainly wasn't the life that she could've possibly imagined. And yet, she's made it work. And she's written a book that makes her husband come alive.
Why am I offering this conversation now? Because in entering the holiday season, not only am I aware of millions of people around the world, and almost 800,000 people here in the US who have died from Covid. So each one of those people had families and friends, coworkers and neighbors who are grieving their absence. I wanted to offer to them the story of someone who got through – who has moved forward with her grief.
So in this episode of SelfWork, sponsored by BetterHelp, it's my honor to introduce you to Leslie Streeter.
Important Links:
Here's the link once again to my new interactive podcast on Fireside Chat! Click here!
BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my websiteand receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
Now there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
November 25, 2021
260 SelfWork: A Dozen Things To Do When You Hit A Mental Wall
It’s confession time here at SelfWork. People ask me all the time, “How do you have time for writing?” Or, “How do you come up with ideas?” Well, yesterday I was hitting a blank wall for this episode today. I’d start writing and then figure out I’d already written on the topic. Or I’d start something and talk myself out of it. But then, I decided to do something I did when I was writing the book and hit just as big a wall, if not bigger. And I’ll offer a dozen things for you to do when you hit your own brick wall.
What are a few of those? Acceptance, not catastrophizing or panicking, looking for reasons or a context as to why this particular task or mental problem has so much power, giving yourself emotional space when you're anxious or irritable. You'll have to listen to find out more!
I’m always grateful to hear from any of you who write or leave a voicemail. But this voicemail came in last week – and the listener was talking about an interview that I did with Lewis Howes a couple of years ago where he saw another side of me. I know just the interview he’s talking about and will have a clip of that for you in the show notes and the link as well. I was very grateful for his feedback!
So in this episode, sponsored by Athletic Greens, let’s talk about hitting the proverbial wall – what does it mean when your mind goes blank, when you “run out of ideas”, you can’t seem to find your focus or even the meaning in what you’re doing.
Important Links:
Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription!
My interview with Lewis Howes on The School of Greatness
Huffpost article on mental obstacles of runners
And here's the clip if you'd like to see!
[video width="1000" height="1000" mp4="https://drmargaretrutherford.com/wp-c...]
My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is going strong and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.
And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
November 21, 2021
SelfWork YGTG: A Special Request from Dr. Margaret
I have a request to make – and I fully realize how difficult it might be for some of you to consider this. So my request is made very respectfully..
I am writing a second book about the potential dangers of destructive perfectionism, of suppressed emotional pain, of hidden depression – and at its worst and most cruel, how those secrets and despair can lead someone to take their life - leaving others behind to wonder what was so intolerable. And how they didn’t have a clue that anything was wrong. I’m reaching out to you who may have loved someone who died by suicide – and their life looked not only perfectly normal, but even highly successful.
.What I’m asking, for any of you who feel able and ready, is to email me with the stories of your loved ones who died by suicide. Most suicides are shocking of course, although some may occur in the midst of chronic and deepening depression, an illness that feels intolerable or a huge loss of some kind. Those are important stories, but aren’t the ones I would like to feature in the book. The stories that will help this book come alive are the stories of your son or your daughter, your friend or your spouse, your mom or your dad – who killed themselves in the midst of what looked like a very successful and happy life.
If you’re interested or can see your way through to do this, my email is askdrmargaret@drmargaretrutherford.com. Please put “book” in the subject line so I’ll be alerted immediately what it’s about.
I thank you ahead of time. And again, am asking with all due respect, knowing that a conversation with me might bring up pain for you. But hopefully, it might also bring a sense of meaning. Maybe your story and your loved ones’ story could help someone else.
November 18, 2021
259 SelfWork: Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder
In today’s episode, sponsored by Athletic Greens, I want to talk about borderline personality disorder, but in a different way than I have before on SelfWork. I’ve mostly written about what it’s like to try to love someone with a serious personality disorder, like narcissism or borderline personality disorders. But today, I want to talk about what it’s like to have borderline traits – and the fears and struggles that come with it. I"ll use two women's stories from my own practice and the work of Rosie Cappuccino, author of Talking About BPD. We'll touch on the differences between borderline and bipolar disorders, and also discuss how the diagnosis of borderline can bring with it judgment from not only the general public, but from the mental health profession.
The listener voicemail for today comes from a woman who describes that she has a wonderful life – and that she’s troubled or haunted or saddened or feels guilty (that’s a little unclear) for not loving her mother. And frankly, not even liking her. We’ll talk about her question – and I’ll try to answer as best I can.
Important Links:
Rosie Cappucino's book on having borderline issues.
Rosie Cappucino's blog excerpt/ Talking About BPD
List of BPD traits from the Mayo Clinic
Episode 086 of SelfWork on loving someone with BPD
SelfWork Episode on nine ways to effectively communicate with someone with BPD
Difference between bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder
HuffPost article by Dr. Jay Watts
November 11, 2021
258 SelfWork: Fear of Failure, Negative Forecasting, Depression and Maladaptive Daydreaming: Your Questions My Answers
Today’s SelfWork, sponsored by BetterHelp, is all about answering your questions. We’re going to talk about everything from fear of failure (I'll talk about navigating my own failures) to negative forecasting (aka "catastrophizing" (to identifying depression when it’s been all you can remember to what’s termed maladaptive daydreaming. I learn a lot when I research your questions and this episode is full of our learning together.
Just yesterday I went to a play called Tiny Beautiful Things – a story about a woman named Sugar who writes an advice column. She mostly uses her own life, which had been hard, as the basis for her answers. I was reminded by how much trust you demonstrate in me to ask me a question. And I’m honored more than you know.
Important Links:
Here's the link once again to my new interactive podcast on Fireside Chat! Click here!
BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my websiteand receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
Now there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
November 4, 2021
257 SelfWork: Is Your Brain Broken When You're Depressed? A Conversation with Dr. Caroline Leaf
There are some people who are both humble and brilliant and Dr. Caroline Leaf is one of those people. She's a world renowned Neuroscientist, mental health and mind expert, bestselling author of Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess and host of Cleaning Up The Mental Mess podcast. In this episode, we have a fascinating conversation about the mind-brain connection and how this plays into mental health, how our minds differ from our brains - and why learning the difference is important for self-regulation and SelfWork.
Dr. Leaf also teaches listeners how to foster and cultivate the power of their own thinking and direct their own brain changes by providing a simple five-step roadmap to create sustainable, true change. Her technique, what she calls mind-management, helps facilitate talk between the conscious, the subconscious, and the nonconscious mind. And she’s definitely into “what you can do about it.” Dr. Leaf defines five steps that, when followed closely, can get brainwaves flowing in a healthy way, optimizing brain function.
So, in this episode sponsored by AG1, please sit back and listen in to what I hope will be eye-opening to all of you. Dr. Leaf wants you to know that your brain isn't broken when you're depressed - and it's so important to know that you're not broken either.
BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my websiteand receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
Now there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
October 28, 2021
256 SelfWork: How to Hang On To Being You In A Relationship
Today, in this episode sponsored by BetterHelp, we’re going to focus on what psychologists call "a solid sense of self" - which is a little jargonistic for me. First we'll touch on the huge difference between codependence and interdependence, with the latter being so important in the development of trust and cooperation. Then we'll move onto the issue of hanging on to your sense of "being you" while in a relationship. You certainly don't do that in a codependent relationship but you can in an interdependent one. And to make it even more accessible, I've broken down this whole solid sense of self concept into five components.
Know what you value about yourself - your strengths - and claim these competencies with humility. Use your voice to state what you think , what you expect and what you want - and then to compromise. Expect others to respect your boundaries. Take responsibility for your own vulnerabilities and the impact they might have on others. Seek relationships where you have the opportunity to learn to trust and to be trusted.The listener voicemail is a painful one to hear. And difficult because I don’t have a really great answer. I can certainly hear how the listener is watching someone he loves emotionally suffer – yet the situation he describes doesn’t seem to be one he can control. I’ll try to suggest to him what he does have in his control… as little as that may seem.
Important Links:
BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!
Article in VeryWellMind on interdependence
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my websiteand receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
Now there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
October 21, 2021
255 SelfWork: The Trilogy of Trouble - Jealousy, Envy and Possessiveness
We’re going to talk about what I term a "trilogy of trouble" today, or basically how jealousy, envy and possessiveness can sabotage a relationship or commitment. This can happen in personal as well as professional relationships, but we're mostly focused on personal aspects of the trio of trouble. Jealousy can emerge from fear and it can emerge from resentment. So, how do you tell if it's justified or completely unjustified? We'll talk about that and more, such as how you can learn from these feelings if you don't react to them and act in hurtful ways. In fact, we're going to hear from fellow psychologist and podcaster Nick Wignall, another psychologist and podcaster about how the "story" you tell yourself about your feelings can exponentially increase the likelihood of creating more chaos.
The listener voicemail is about forgiveness of someone who’s cut you out of an inheritance – one that sounds as if it could’ve been fairly large. We don't know a lot of facts, so I'll answer her question with some guesses, but three general directions she could go to choose to forgive, or not to forgive.
This episode is further sponsored by Athletic Greens, who has a new product (AG1) and a new way of making both your life and the lives of others work better as well!
Important Links
An article on the psychology of jealousy by Joe Duncan
Excellent research by Mark Attridge on jealousy
Nick Wignall's website and post on jealousy
You can hear more about relationships and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.
And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
