Hugh Houston's Blog, page 9

Jesus Is Better Than Porn: How I Confessed My Addiction to My Wife and Found a New Life

Chapter One

Jesus Is Better Than Porn: How I Confessed My Addiction to My Wife and Found a New Life

MY STORY OR HIS STORY?

How was it that after 35 years of being trapped in the compulsive cycle of porn, one day I finally did something about it?  What was different that day when things actually started to change?

Certainly, God was present.  He touched my heart and planted in me a drive to finally search for help.  Yet He had always been there and was certainly more than willing to rescue the perishing. I can’t really say why I took that step on that day, other than because I was deathly afraid of my craving for porn getting exponentially worse.  I was desperate, like a guy who is drowning and knows he is about to go under for the last time.

I once read that our finite minds are incapable of grasping an infinite God.  God is too big to fit into my tiny head.  It’s a mystery to me how my will and God’s will work together to write the story of my life.  Yet I’m certain of a few things.  God is good.  Always good.  God is Sovereign.  He’s the King of kings and Lord of lords.  However I believe He lets you and me decide (as was the case with Eve and Adam in the garden) – whether we will choose good or evil; right or wrong.

I don’t blame my wife for my involvement with pornography.  It didn’t happen because she failed to meet my needs.  And I absolutely don’t believe that God let me down by not pulling me out of my habitual sin.  I did what I did because I wanted to.  I have to take responsibility for my actions.

I had numerous opportunities to seek help.  My pride and my shame kept me from opening up and reaching out.  There’s nobody else to blame for the decades I wasted seeking the thrill that lust offered me.  No doubt the Lord sent many rescue boats in my direction and I turned them down one by one.  That is, until the day when I got sick and tired of being imprisoned by my own seductive desires for pleasure.

HOPE is what caused me to write my book and begin this blog.  I am and always will be hopeFULL because I believe in a good and great God.  He never forced me to do right, but He has always been there with open arms to receive me when I take a step in His direction.  As the author of all things and the author of my story, His desire is to open my eyes, show me the light and bring me into His presence.

I love the story that Jesus told in Luke 15.  Most of us know it as the parable of the prodigal son.  In actuality it’s the story of the Author of Life, our Loving Father.  He allows his ungrateful son to take his part of the inheritance, leave home and waste every dime.  Then when his son finally wakes up and comes to his senses, he finds his father has been waiting for him to come back home.  (There is even a second son whom the father invites to come inside and join the welcome party.)

I’m extremely grateful that He is in charge of your story and mine.  I don’t blame Him for any of my mistakes, but I give Him all the credit for healing my wounds and showing me a better way to live.

My story is not over yet.  With His help I left porn in the rear view mirror and our marriage is better than ever.  There is still plenty of room for growth.  I’m not the man I want to be, but not that tired and defeated man I was.  My hope rests in the greatness of God and knowing that He is still writing my story.

Never give up hope.  Take a step of faith today.  He is an expert at writing happy endings.  Turn your story over to Him.

 

Learn more in the book: JESUS IS BETTER THAN PORN: How I Confessed my Addiction to My Wife and Found a New Life

Available on Amazon:  Jesus Is Better

THE ROMANS 7 EXCUSE

Self-deception.  Obviously as a Christian, in order to continue looking at porn for over three decades, I had to minimize, rationalize, compartmentalize and justify my habitual sin.  I told myself countless times that I was going to quit.  I vowed this would be the last time.  At the same time I made myself believe that what I was doing wasn’t really so bad.  After all, it’s not like I was going out with prostitutes or having a real live affair.

So what better way to explain away my wrong and sinful behavior than to find an excuse for it in the Holy Bible?

Most of us are very familiar with these words of the apostle Paul in his letter to the Romans:

“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.  And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.  For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.  For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. -– Romans 7:15-19 

I have no doubt but what these words describe a universal human predicament.  All of us have been in this situation: going back and repeating something we vowed never to do again.

I used this passage as an excuse.  Of course I was struggling.  Everyone does. Even the apostle Paul talks about the sinful nature.  He describes wanting to do good but not being able to do the good he wanted to do.  That’s me.  I want to do good, but I just keep failing.  I can’t get rid of this evil inside of me.

The question is this: Are we doomed to live this way forever?  Is there a way out?  Does Jesus Christ our Lord offer us freedom from this cycle of failure?

While I did not want to admit it for many years, today I want to affirm with a resounding, “YES THERE IS HOPE”!  After all, Paul, concludes this chapter with these words:

“So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me.  For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me.  What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?  Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!”  — Romans 7:20-25

Praise God you and I can have a new life!  Jesus came to rescue us!  Jesus is my Deliverer!  Jesus came to this world in order to break the power of the devil and free those held in slavery.  (Hebrews 2:14,15)  Jesus our Lord came to give sight to the blind and to set the captives free.  (Luke 4:18)

I have no doubt but what Paul had experienced the dilemma he so aptly describes in Romans 7.  But as a servant of Jesus and one who had been rescued by our great Deliverer, Paul was not stuck in Romans 7.  Romans 7 should never be an excuse for me or anyone else to remain trapped in the compulsive cycle of addiction or any type of habitual sin.

Paul lived in Romans 8.  You and I are offered new life in Jesus.  Jesus died on the cross to rescue us from our sins, rose from the grave and lives today to offer grace and mercy to all of those who call on Him.  (Hebrews 4:14-16)

Jesus offers life to all of us. In Romans 8 Paul proclaims this truth loud and clear:  “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,  because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.”  Romans 8.1,2

There is HOPE in Jesus.  He offers us LIFE.  Paul declares in Romans 8:10,11:

If Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life because of righteousness.  And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you.

Change is not automatic.  Turning our backs on ingrained habits will require intentional action on our part.  Acquiring new, healthy habits will only take place as we train in righteousness.  But the power is there.  The Spirit of Christ indwells all who have been born again and He is with us every step of the way.

I thank my Father and the Spirit of Light for opening my eyes so that I will no longer use Romans 7 as an excuse for doing what displeases my Lord.  And I thank Him daily for being with me and offering His grace to empower me to become the man He always intended for me to be.

 

Learn more in the book: JESUS IS BETTER THAN PORN: How I Confessed my Addiction to My Wife and Found a New Life

Available on Amazon:  Jesus Is Better

 

CRISP BOUNDARIES

After over three decades of failure, I finally learned that what seems hard is what makes this easy.  A half-hearted approach to a new life will never work.  Filthy or impure thoughts cannot be toyed with.  Only a fool tries to see how close he can get to the edge of the slippery slope before sliding down all the way to the bottom.  The best way to head off feelings of lust is to nip them in the bud.  Act quickly, vigorously, and decisively.  Be radical.

Another way to describe what I’m talking about would be a zero tolerance policy.  A friend I met on this path to recovery affirmed that we must establish and follow what he termed “crisp boundaries”.  Crisp boundaries are rules we create to protect ourselves from anything which will lead us to acting out.

Crisp boundaries will mean eliminating most TV shows these days, as well as most movies.  You will want to dwell on things that are edifying and beneficial.  I discovered I had to avoid any kind of Google search for images, as well as YouTube.  I always make sure to use Safe Search on these search engines.  Now I always go to bed at the same time as my wife; no more late nights flipping through those TV channels.

If I aim at only avoiding the really bad stuff, but remain content to allow my mind to dwell on “normal” provocative thoughts, I will never find freedom. The beast of lust must be starved to death. I cannot continue to ogle women, look at promiscuous photos, or coddle impure images in my mind and hope to find freedom.

This is what made this attempt at freedom different from all previous attempts.  In the past, I would allow myself the “luxury” of looking when women were technically “clothed”.

In reality, there are at least two things wrong with this kind of thinking:

I was still lusting by ogling women’s bodies and degrading them as mere sex objects.
One thing leads to another, and I’d soon find myself at the bottom of a slippery slope.

Drinking one little sip of salt water won’t kill you. But it certainly will make you thirsty for more, and more, and more…  For this reason, it is essential to eliminate every sexually impure thought.  As Paul wrote to the church in Ephesus:

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.

Ephesians 5:3

If I asked you to stop a mighty river from flowing, you would find it impossible.  But follow that same river up to its source, where a little spring comes bubbling up out of the ground and try to stop it now—much easier.

In the book Song of Solomon, verse 2:15 says:

Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.

The only way to develop clean and healthy thoughts is to ruthlessly eliminate every impure thought. This means changing the channel on the TV and turning off the laptop or my smartphone whenever I’m feeling vulnerable to lust. It means looking away and not looking back a second time when a woman catches my eye.

By avoiding the “little foxes”, things that most people would consider perfectly normal and okay, it is possible to avoid the slippery slope which leads to the slimy pit of sin.  Of course, temptations will appear, but with God’s help, it is possible to quickly switch my thoughts to other things – good and helpful things.

Thank God I’ve learned that change is possible, even for someone like me who kept making the same mistakes, over and over again, for close to 40 years.

We are all so much alike.  This idea of crisp boundaries applies to every one of us.  Do you want to stop worrying, quit being controlled by your anger, or eliminate lies from your speech?  You have to go to the source.  Where does it all begin?  Work out boundaries that will keep you on a good path.  Look at people with good eyes.  Jesus said in Matthew 6:22-23:

The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light.  But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!

The focus is: What am I going to allow into my mind?  If I want to walk in the light, I have to seek the light.  I can never permit myself to flirt with darkness, to see how close I can get to the fire without getting burned.  The wise person knows that a guardrail on a highway is a good thing. Focusing my thoughts on good things by listening to Christian music, memorizing Bible verses, or just thinking about happy moments with my family is always a wise decision.

The instant an unwanted or unhealthy thought appears in my head, I drive it out by thinking about something noble and true.  (Philippians 4:8) This was difficult for me in those first days and weeks.  After years of allowing my mind to dwell on those pictures, those ruts had burrowed deeply into my brain. By working diligently at immediately controlling my thoughts, I slowly began to receive a great blessing from the Lord: I got my mind back! Those impure thoughts that had tortured me night and day slowly began to recede into the background, and I found hope for a new life and a new way of being.

Crisp boundaries mean setting up guidelines that I know will protect me and help me.  Perhaps I will modify these boundaries someday, but for now, I know they are my lifeline.  These guardrails are my friends who protect me from the slippery slope of doom. I ignore them at my own peril.

In regard to sin and seeking God, rigid rules and radical thinking are almost always our best course of action.  In his book, The Purity Principle (pg. 53), Randy Alcorn puts it this way:

“When it comes to sexual temptation, it pays to be a coward. He who hesitates (and rationalizes) is lost. He who runs, lives.”

As Martin Luther wrote:  “You cannot keep birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair.”  Now I understand that if particular thoughts have made their home in my brain, it is because I allowed them to roost there.  In fact, they may actually be there because I invited them in and made them feel right at home.

This strategy of quickly and ruthlessly throwing certain thoughts in the trash and instantly replacing them with beautiful, worthwhile ideas has served me well.  Like a kid learning to ride a bike, I fell down many times.  But I would just dust off my pants and get back on my bike and start pedaling again.  At the time it seemed like it was an endless task, and sometimes, it felt like I would never make it.  But I just kept plodding forward.  With God’s grace and mercy, I fought each battle in an attempt to win the war, and He helped me every step of the way.

The New Century Version translates Proverbs 4.23 like this:

“Be careful what you think because your thoughts run your life.”

Use crisp boundaries to begin your new life today!

 

From the book: Jesus Is Better Than Porn

 

You and I Are So Much Alike

Picture in your mind a hummingbird and a buzzard starting off from the same location and flying over the same landscape.  They cover the same terrain, yet the buzzard only finds rotten, decomposing meat, while the hummingbird flits along sipping nectar from beautiful, fragrant flowers.  Why would two creatures find such extreme opposites flying over the same countryside?  Each one is looking for something different. Jesus said, “Seek and ye shall find.”  We all find what we are looking for.

When I frantically sought out help instead of hunting for things which would destroy me, I discovered there are plenty of resources available.  In addition to the support board, I found a website called Recovery Nation founded by Jonathan Marsh.  While Jon’s experiences were not identical to mine, the situations he described and the feelings he shared were so similar, that I felt like he had been right inside my skin.  He seemed to know exactly what I was thinking and how I felt.

I learned that the risk I experienced when trying not to get caught looking at the forbidden actually served to heighten the intensity of my emotions and make the forbidden all that much more thrilling and exciting.  I had never realized this before.

One of the many lies I had told myself was that my need for sex was greater than the average person; therefore, if my wife did not meet all of my needs, then, of course, I was justified in finding other ways to fulfill this urgent “need” of mine.  After all, God had given me this seemingly insatiable desire, right?  What I didn’t understand was that I was allowing these desires to enslave me.

I never stopped to consider how many people live just fine without sex.  No one can live without water and we all have to eat to survive.  Sex is a wonderful blessing from God intended to bring a husband and a wife closer together, but anyone can survive without it.  We won’t burst if we go too long without sex, nor will we shrivel up and die.

What helped me understand how this desire works was imagining a person who tries to quench their thirst with seawater. They can drink until they pop, but they will only get thirstier. Saltwater can never quench anyone’s thirst; in the same way, the more a person looks at porn in an attempt to fulfill their need for intimacy, the needier they become.  Worldly desires can never be satisfied, they always crave more and more and more.  John D. Rockefeller started Standard Oil and was America’s first billionaire.  When a reporter asked him, “How much money is enough?” He responded, “Just a little bit more.”

I was convincing myself that my desires were well above average, when in reality the more I thought about sex, the more I caused myself to think about sex.  It’s an endless battle, like pouring water into a bottomless pit or using gasoline in an effort to drown out a fire.  That’s why it’s called an addiction.

One little sip won’t kill you. But it sure will make you thirsty for more, and more, and more…  For this reason, it is my goal to eliminate every sexually impure thought.  As Paul wrote to the church in Ephesus:

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.

Ephesians 5:3

If I asked you to stop a mighty river from flowing, you would find it impossible.  But follow that same river up to its source, where a little spring comes bubbling up out of the ground and try to stop it now—much easier.

In the book Song of Solomon, verse 2:15 it is written:  “Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.”

The only way to develop clean and healthy thoughts is to ruthlessly eliminate every impure thought. This means changing the channel on the TV and turning off the computer or my smartphone whenever I’m feeling vulnerable to lust. It means looking away and not looking back a second time when a woman catches my eye.

By avoiding the “little foxes”, things that most people would consider perfectly normal and okay, it is possible to avoid the slippery slope which leads to the slimy pit of sin.  Of course, temptations will appear, but with God’s help, it is possible to quickly switch my thoughts to other things – good and helpful things.

Thank God I’ve learned that change is possible, even for someone like me who kept making the same mistakes, over and over again, for close to 40 years.

 

Learn more by reading:  Jesus Is Better Than Porn

“Just throw the Ring!”

If you saw the movie or read the book, The Lord Of The Rings, you know that the plot revolves around an epic struggle between the forces of good and the forces of evil.  And everything hinges on the ability of Frodo to carry the Ring into the heart of the evil fortress of Mordor and destroy the Ring by casting the Ring into the fires of that mountain.

While Frodo, his faithful friend Sam and Gollum slowly but steadily make their way into the evil fortress, a terrible battle rages outside.  The forces of good are greatly outnumbered and it appears that they will certainly be defeated.  To end the war, Frodo doesn’t have to slay a giant or a dragon, all he has to do is drop the Ring over the edge into the fire.  Frodo reaches the location where he should remove the Ring and throw it down into the fire, but he is overwhelmed by the demonic pressure of the Ring and cannot find the strength to let go of the Ring.  The Ring is finally destroyed when Gollum takes the Ring from Frodo and then accidentally falls over the edge, taking the Ring into the hot fire.  Then, amazingly, as soon as the Ring is destroyed, the good army easily defeats the now bewildered legions of Mordor.

As I watched the movie and witnessed Frodo struggle to remove the Ring and cast it into the fire it seemed that everyone in the theater wanted to shout out:  “Just throw the Ring!”  So many brave warriors were dying in the battle outside as Frodo desperately struggled to destroy the Ring.  But once the Ring was finally thrown into the fire, the killing ended and the battle was won.

One simple act, the destruction of the Ring, was the only thing standing in the way of immediate victory.

The Bible tells us plainly that you and I are involved in a spiritual war with eternal consequences.  (Ephesians 6.10-12)  As I thought about the simple act of throwing a ring into the fire, the words from James 4.7 quickly popped into my mind:  “Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

It seems to me that we often turn something very simple into something very complicated.  And the longer we delay before taking action the more we and others suffer from the consequences of this spiritual battle.  Almost every day I talk with people who are struggling with sin.  You and I are constantly being tempted by the evil one.  And here in one short sentence is the key to immediate victory.  “Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

God has promised and His promises never fail.  When you resist, the devil will flee.  The terrible battle will only continue to rage for as long as we fail to resist.  The very moment you and I say a determined and decisive “NO!” to our enemy, he will turn tail and run.

We have this promise in 1 Corinthians 10.13:  “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”

Our God is faithful.  His promises are true.  He is ready to provide strength and to offer a way of escape.  The only unknown factor in this equation is what you and I will do.  What will I do?  I have seen the evil one do enough damage in my life.  I have decided to resist his attacks.

The very next verse, James 4.8, states:  “Draw near to God and He will come near to you.”  Here is another simple and straightforward promise from our loving, heavenly Father.

If you will, He will.  If you will seek Him, He will come even closer to you.  I really need the Lord’s presence in my life.  I will draw near to Him because I need Him to come closer to me.

Simple but decisive steps.  This is all that stands in your way from seeing a glorious victory that perhaps you have thought to be impossible.  You can watch the devil flee, if you will refuse to succumb to his invitations.  You can enjoy the very presence of God in your life, if you will really seek Him above all things.

Just do it.  Do it now.  Once and for all.  You’ll be glad you did.

How can we overcome habitual sins?  These sinful addictions, these struggles that master us, seem far too big a foe for us to overcome. We are correct in that assessment: we cannot do it alone. Like Frodo and the ring, we have to be willing to throw away the sin, its lifestyle, its secrecy, and our pride/selfishness/shame that bind us to the sin. We must be truly willing to throw away “this precious thing” in order for the Lord’s power to sweep into our lives. We must invite God to draw close and win the war that rages in our souls.

What steps can you take to turn your back on your habitual sin for good?

Learn more in the book: JESUS IS BETTER THAN PORN: How I Confessed my Addiction to My Wife and Found a New Life

Available on Amazon:  Jesus Is Better

 

 

THINK BEFORE YOU LOOK . . .

A man sits alone with a choice before his eyes,

No one else is present as he wrestles with his lies.

A fire smolders once again from deep within his soul.

He can fuel its growing heat or choose to leave it cold.

Passion begins to flow with a force against his will;

Scenes that grip his mind bring the promise of a thrill.

Emotions rage, needs unfold from a weak and lonely heart;

In this very private moment, will he stop or let it start?

A lovely wife, terrific kids have blessed his simple life;

His gracious God and prayerful friends stand by him in the strife.

But out of sight is out of mind in this moment of clear choice;

Even the indwelling Spirit speaks with ever-fading voice.

Images entice his spirit as their beauty pierce his reason;

Setting aside real joy and peace, he indulges for just a season.

More brief and empty now seems the thrill once it is done;

Regret and shame overwhelm as the lies again have won.

He walks away so dirty, feeling lost in his defeat;

Everything he really loves he chose again to cheat.

Full of remorse in this return to the filth of where he’s been.

If only he knew how to stop this madness before it starts again.

This poem written by Daniel Henderson describes the struggle with addiction to a T.

Edward T. Welch, the author of Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave (p. 35), wrote: “Addiction is bondage to the rule of a substance, activity, or state of mind, which then becomes the center of life, defending itself from the truth so that even bad consequences don’t bring repentance, and leading to further estrangement from God.”

I was the definition of a hypocrite.  I professed that I wanted to live for God and proclaimed that I believed in pure living and respecting women.  I had never made a pass at another woman or kissed another woman, so I did not see myself as a hypocrite.  In my confused, muddled thinking, I had compartmentalized my sin. I did not realize that pornography was like radiation, contaminating every corner of my life.

What kind of man was I?  While I would never have admitted it, my actions showed that I was: uncaring, unfeeling, blind, stupid, ignorant, malicious, selfish, perverted, obsessed, afraid, proud, alone, self-deluded, lost . . .

Addicts are masters at compartmentalization.  The dictionary says “compartmentalization is a subconscious psychological defense mechanism used to avoid cognitive dissonance or the mental discomfort and anxiety caused by a person having conflicting values, cognitions, emotions, beliefs, etc. within themselves.”

In my mind, I was a good, godly man, a good father, and a caring, faithful husband—I just had this problem in one area of my life. I had erected a wall of lies around this behavior.  This allowed me to lust after women in my mind and yet hold on to the belief that I was one of the “good guys” because I had not reached out to another woman on a physical level.

I was lost in denial. Treating a human being as an object for one’s own sexual satisfaction is a monstrosity. When I convinced myself that looking at pictures didn’t hurt anyone, I was only deceiving myself. How was I able to brainwash myself into believing that my fascination with pornography did not qualify as betrayal and adultery? Because this is what I wanted to believe.  I had to close my eyes to the truth in order to live with myself.

My infatuation with porn caused me to close my eyes to the true nature of my actions and the consequences of my sins.  By “putting my sin in a box” I deceived myself into thinking that what I did in private, behind closed doors, had no effect on my relationships with other people.  Yes, I had a problem, but I was working on it and I was going to fix it.

Part of me was walking around in the darkness, hanging back in the shadows.  I was always afraid of the light and what the light would reveal.  Now I see how the light I had feared was the light I so desperately needed, in order to begin to understand where I was, what I had been doing for so long, and find a way out of this whole predicament.  I was living in a fog.  This fog cut off my vision of everything—the bad and the good. I need the light that reveals my sins because this same light shows me the path to peace and joy!

From the book:  JESUS IS BETTER THAN PORN: How I Confessed my Addiction to My Wife and Found a New Life

Available in paperback and as an e-book on Amazon:  https://www.amazon.com/JESUS-BETTER-THAN-PORN-Confessed-ebook/dp/B07DMF6ZQS

As well as in audio on Audible:  https://www.audible.com/pd/Jesus-Is-Better-than-Porn-Audiobook/B083S9DR8C

Super Bowl Halftime Show

Many people on Social Media today were complaining about how vulgar, raunchy and inappropriate the clothes and dance moves were at the Super Bowl Halftime Show.  Some said it was soft porn.  I’m not surprised.

I watched the first half of the football game.  I noticed that the network kept promoting the show and from the small glimpses they chose to highlight it was obvious what kind of performance was coming.

We live in a sex saturated society.  Followers of Jesus cannot expect the world to be pure and wholesome.  The gospel of John tells us that when Jesus came into the world, the world did not accept Him.  James tells us that pure religion means keeping oneself from being polluted by the world.  (1:27)  And  that friendship with the world means enmity against God. Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. (4:4).

Everyone who desires to walk in the light and follow in the footsteps of Jesus must establish and hold to “crisp boundaries’.  This will entail eliminating most TV shows, as well as most movies.  You will want to dwell on things that are edifying and beneficial.  I discovered I had to avoid any kind of Google search for images, as well as YouTube.  I always make sure to use Safe Search on these search engines.  I always go to bed at the same time as my wife, no more late nights flipping through TV channels.

If I aim at only avoid the really bad stuff, but remain content to allow my mind to dwell on “normal” provocative thoughts, I will never walk in purity. The beast of lust must be starved to death. I cannot continue to ogle women, look at promiscuous photos, or coddle impure images in my mind and hope to find freedom from this sin.

One little sip of salt water won’t kill you. But it sure will make you thirsty for more, and more, and more…  For this reason, I have decided to eliminate every sexually impure thought.  As Paul wrote to the church in Ephesus:

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.

Ephesians 5:3

If I asked you to stop a mighty river from flowing, you would find it impossible.  But follow that same river up to its source, where a little spring comes bubbling up out of the ground and try to stop it now — much easier.

In the book Song of Solomon, verse 2:15 it is written:

Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.

The only way to develop clean and healthy thoughts is to ruthlessly eliminate every impure thought. This means changing the channel on the TV and turning off the computer or my smartphone whenever I’m feeling vulnerable to lust. It means looking away and not looking back a second time when a woman catches my eye.

By avoiding the “little foxes”, things that most people would consider perfectly normal and okay, it is possible to avoid the slippery slope which leads to the slimy pit of sin.  Of course, temptations will appear in today’s world, but with God’s help, it is possible to quickly switch my thoughts to other things – good and helpful things.

What am I going to allow into my mind?  If I want to walk in the light, I have to seek the light.  I can never permit myself to flirt with darkness, to see how close I can get to the fire without getting burned.  The wise person knows that a guardrail on a highway is a good thing. Focusing my thoughts on good things by listening to Christian music, memorizing Bible verses, or just thinking about happy moments with my family is always a wise decision.

Crisp boundaries mean setting up guidelines that I know will protect me and help me.  Perhaps I will modify these boundaries someday, but for now, I know they are my lifeline.  These guardrails are my friends who protect me from the slippery slope of doom. I ignore them at my own peril.  So of course I did not watch the halftime show.

 

AN INSIDIOUS VIRUS

The head of the World Health Organization’s Health Emergencies Program declared:  The “whole world needs to be on alert” to fight the coronavirus.  Dr Mike Ryan praised China’s response to the deadly outbreak: “The challenge is great but the response has been massive.”

This virus has spread across China and to at least 16 countries globally.  More than 130 people have died in China and close to 6,000 have been infected.  There is no specific cure or vaccine.

I applaud efforts being made to contain this epidemic.  it’s only natural that all of us are concerned about what might happen.  Lives are in danger.

Yet there are other epidemics out there which it seems we have grown so accustomed to that we prefer to ignore them and act as if they don’t exist.  How many addictions have become epidemics in the city where you live and yet we have not done everything we can to rescue the perishing?

When the subject of pornography comes up most people prefer to close their eyes and put their hands over their ears.  It’s an ugly subject, one that leaves us embarrassed. Yet statistics show that 90% of children ages 9 – 16 have viewed porn.  One in six women struggle with porn addiction.  25% of search engine requests are for porn.  70% of men ages 18-36 visit a porn site in a typical month.  68% of Christian men view porn on a regular basis.  38% of adults say that porn is morally acceptable.

How can we be so blind to this deadly epidemic which touches the lives of so many on our streets and in our churches?  How can we sit idly by, next to this elephant in the pew?

Thank God people all around the world are concerned and taking action to fight and contain the coronavirus.  I pray that we will all wake up and see that other battles must be waged.

Porn is destroying lives, marriages and families.  This insidious virus thrives in the darkness.  Only the light can put a stop to this terrible plague.

The cure already exists.  Thousands have been set free and found  a new life.  We must spread the good news that there is hope.  The compulsive cycle of lust can be broken.

Are you with me?  Will you do your part to sound the alarm and point people to help?  Let’s let everyone know that while the truth may hurt, lies kill.  Jesus is better.  He is the way, the truth, the light and the life.  He is here to point us home.

 

You can find my book here:  Jesus Is Better Than Porn

SIN – A BRIGHT, SHINY ILLUSION

I remember walking down a street in a major city where only pedestrians were allowed.  The street was lined with peddlers hawking their wares.  I was walking at a quick pace thinking about reaching my destination.  One guy was selling wands which make dozens of bubbles with one swinging motion.  He was demonstrating how they work. Right before I got to where he was located, he swung his arm and produced a flock of bubbles that glistened in the sunlight.  A big, shiny bubble floated right in front of my face, so instinctively I reached out and grabbed the bubble with my hand.  Of course, the bubble burst and when I opened my hand it was empty.

Since then I have often thought of that bubble as a metaphor for the illusion of sin.  Sin looks so attractive and appealing.  It promises to satisfy all my desires.  But these are empty, hollow promises.

The book of Proverbs portrays this principle vividly:

Do not gaze at wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup, when it goes down smoothly!

In the end it bites like a snake and poisons like a viper.

Your eyes will see strange sights, and your mind will imagine confusing things.

You will be like one sleeping on the high seas, lying on top of the rigging.

“They hit me,” you will say, “but I’m not hurt! They beat me, but I don’t feel it!  When will I wake up so I can find another drink?”

Proverbs 23:31-35

Those glossy pages and touched up images in the magazine promise me pleasure.  She is there inviting me to come and have a good time.  She is always smiling.  She always says yes.  But there’s not really a person there.  It’s an illusion.  A beautiful bubble that will burst any second.  After a momentary high, I’ll soon be left with the feeling of emptiness, guilt, and shame.  This is awful.  I hate it.  I detest being a part of it.  I abhor what it does to me.  I hate the grip that it has on me.  And then, just like the drunkard in Proverbs 23:35 who longs for another drink, my craving induces me to go back and take another look.

Jeremiah 2:13 states:

“My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.”

The scriptures show us what our life experiences have already revealed—we are all thirsty.  But we try to quench our thirst with the wrong things.  Like the sparkling bubble floating in the air, these pleasures look like they will give us what we want and need, but we end up with an empty cistern and no water to quench our thirsty souls.  We need to look to the living fountain where we will discover the clear spring waters which only the Lord can offer us.

From the book: JESUS IS BETTER THAN PORN: How I Confessed my Addiction to My Wife and Found a New Life   JESUS IS BETTER