Hugh Houston's Blog, page 5

Pornography Is Abnormal

As we began our descent down the long wooden staircase to the beautiful beach below, my wife and I saw a woman smoking a cigarette, standing on a landing, looking in our direction.  I said “Good morning!’.  We had arrived early to beat the crowd as we had heard they were limiting the number of visitors due to Covid-19.  This woman smiled and welcomed us.  She told us she worked at one of the stands on the beach that sell food and beverages. She quickly invited us visit their stand.  The three of us began to walk down the staircase together.  I told this woman (who we learned was named Eva) that on the long drive over on the narrow dirt road my wife had asked me if there were bathrooms on the beach.  Eva said “No”.

Eva confided that most people end up wading out from shore and doing what they have to do in the water.  She volunteered that what was bad was when some people drank so much that they began to vomit right there on the beach. When I replied that having worked there for so many years she had probably seen a little bit of everything Eva looked at us and said: “You may not believe it, but sometimes there are parties with music, dancing and plenty of liquor, and I’ve seen a few women get drunk and take off all their clothes”.

A few days later, as I reflected on her observation, it struck me how abnormal pornography is.  It was when I suggested that she had witnessed strange and unusual events that Eva told us about the women who get naked right there in front of everyone.  She included the fact that it was having too much to drink and being out of their right minds, which led them to do something unnatural.

Sadly, in our world today sexual abuse is a terrible problem.  Many parents of young children worry that their children might become victims of abuse.  So they try to warn and prepare their kids about what is appropriate and inappropriate.  They may teach their children that they have private parts of their bodies and to never allow an adult to touch them in those places.

Displaying private parts in public is abnormal.

How is it that from soft porn to hard porn, today’s society views all of this as acceptable?  Many applaud both men and women who flaunt their bodies in public.  We must educate men and women, boys and girls that this is completely wrong and unacceptable.

In 2 Timothy 3, among other things, the Bible tells us that in the last days people will be lovers of self, without self-control, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.  At the end of Romans chapter one, Paul states that people in the world do those things which are not proper.  Then after a long list of sinful practices concludes in verse 32:  “although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval of those who practice them.”

When I was a boy it was considered a big deal if a woman’s slip was showing!  How tragic it is today, that so many consider pornography natural and normal.  Yet God’s word makes it clear that this should not surprise us.

In his letter to the church in Ephesus, Paul includes words followers of Christ in every city in today’s world need to hear and follow.  In Ephesians 5:3 he writes:  “But do not let immorality or any impurity or greed even be named among you, as is proper among the saints.” Then in verses 11 & 12 of the same chapter he continues: “And do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them; for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret.

Pornography is disgraceful. Unspeakable.

This week a man chided me on LinkedIn because I posted something there about my book:  “Jesus Is Better Than Porn”. He wrote: “Do we really need such things in a Business Network?”  He certainly has a point. I wish I did NOT need to talk about “such things” anywhere.  As Paul declared” “it is disgraceful even to speak about such things.”

I pray that more and more people will wake up.  May the light shine out and remove the darkness.  Please help me spread the message that pornography is abnormal, totally wrong and totally unacceptable.

LIVING WITH MYSELF

I told myself I would never do it again.  I prayed for the Lord to deliver me and prayed for self-discipline and self-control.  I vowed that this would be the last time.  Yet I kept going back to porn and lust time after time.  This made living with myself a challenge.

Since this had been my norm since adolescence, some days I didn’t really think about it much or worry about it.  I would also justify my actions by thinking that all guys are this way or that simply looking wasn’t so bad.  After all I wasn’t really hurting anyone.

I also convinced myself that I was trying to stop and that I was going to stop.  I had good days and good phases when things would get better.  But like a lamb being led to the slaughter it felt as if something beyond my control always pulled me back for a little more excitement. 

Inevitably remorse would set in.  I had failed yet again.  I did what I said I would never do.  I felt discouraged and defeated.  The images I had longed to see for stimulation began to torment me.  I could not escape them.  They followed me and hounded me everywhere I went.  How would this ever end?

It seemed as if I was riding on a yo-yo.  I went from longing to stop to justifying what I was doing.  After all, didn’t the apostle Paul say in Romans 7 I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. It is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.  (I did not see that Paul expects us to live in Romans 8, set our minds on the Spirit and find life and peace.)

I rationalized my wrong behavior.  I minimized and compartmentalized my sin. How else could I live with myself year after year after year?  I was a Christian, a Bible teacher, the one who other went to for help and advice.  This was just my pet sin that I kept in a private corner of my life.  I was the “good guy” porn addict.

Since I kept my sin a secret, in my double life, I was like a prisoner in solitary confinement.   I deceived myself and lied to myself   And there was nobody there to call me on the carpet and make me face the music.

Just this week I asked a Facebook group about where to find help for a young lady who has a severe drinking problem.  Quickly those who have struggled with addictions themselves said to pray for her, but that until she hits rock bottom and decides she is ready to change there is not much anyone can do to help her

That was me.  I still don’t know exactly what happened within me the day I began using the Internet, not to look for porn, but to escape this ugly, habitual sin.  Obviously the Lord rescued me.  And I will be eternally grateful for that.  I had reached out for help once or twice before but eventually relapsed.  But this time I had hit rock bottom.

I could no longer live with myself. I could see that with high speed Internet my “problem” would only get exponentially worse.  I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I yearned to be free.  I longed to get my mind back and to no longer be tormented by impure thoughts day and night.

I’m so grateful for the peace the Lord gave me.  Freedom is a blessed gift from heaven.  What a joy it is to look at myself and feel happy.  I won’t say I’m proud of myself, because I received so much help from so many people along my path to a new life and I know that it is only by the Lord’s grace that I have made it this far  But I can say I’m pleased with myself.  I no longer feel discouraged and defeated every day.  I’m still a work in progress.  There are multitudes of areas in my life where I need to improve. 

But my secrets are out.  My double life is behind me.  I’m walking toward the light.  Living with myself has gotten so much better!

Would you like to know more about freedom from habitual sins? Check out my book:  Jesus Is Better Than Porn

NOW IT’S YOUR TURN!

Jesus died to set us free.  When He went to the cross and rose from the dead He defeated the devil.  Hebrews 2.14,15 states: “Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might break the power of him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil— and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death.”

That’s not just good news, that’s great news for you and me.  The prison door has been unlocked and the door to the cage where we remained trapped is now open.  But it is up to you and me to take wing and fly home.

If you are still ensnared and imprisoned by the devil’s lies the good news is that Jesus is not at fault.  You are.  Jesus defeated sin and death.  Jesus offers new life, a life worth living to you and to me.  For over three decades I struggled with the compulsive sin of lust.  I can’t blame Jesus for that.  I refused to do things his way.  I was too ashamed and never would confess my sin to others.  I minimized my sin and justified my sin.  I told myself that I would quit soon and that this was going to be the last time.  And I only half-way followed what the Lord teaches in scripture about walking in purity.

The day I finally decided I couldn’t stand living that way any longer I began to seek help.  I found others who had already fought this sin and discoverd freedom.  They told me it could be done and how to do it.  One brother hounded me for months to let my wife know about my secret, double life.  I feared what would happen.  While the fall out was painful and ugly, telling the truth was essential for the two of us to grow closer and walk as one.

The Bible contains God’s recipe for a life worth living.  God’s word is like a GPS pointing us to the light.  As I asked the Lord for help a few Bible verses jumped off of the pages and pointed me to my new life.  Romans 12:2 showed me that a renewed mind is the key to transformation.  2 Corinthians 10:5 told me to take every thought captive in order to obey Christ. For practically all of my life, even after being baptized into Christ, I had done the opposite.  I had coddled and cultivated impure thoughts in my mind.  My brain contained a pornographic library which I could go to at any moment during the day when I desired to be aroused.

Jesus died to set me free but I had chosen to remain trapped in a jail of my own making.  My Bible and your Bible tell us in Ephesians 5:3 to never allow even a hint of sexual immorality or any kind of impurity.  Can you believe that when I actually began to put this into practice that my life began to change?  “Not even a hint” means 0%.  By quickly and ruthlessly pushing out any and every impure thought that popped into my brain, my thinking began to grow clearer.  I began to get my mind back.  Like a polluted lake which gets cleaned up, my thoughts were no longer dominated by lust.

Then I read Philippians 4:8,9 “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

There it is!  With fifty-nine words, the apostle Paul inspired by the Holy Spirit gives you and me a “how to” book for freedom.  Have you heard the saying “garbage in, garbage out”?  Well of course my life had been a mess!  Of course I felt guilty, ashamed and defeated.  I had been filling my head and my heart with garbage.  But when I began to ONLY allow that which is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy to occupy the space between my ears, what was the result?  I got what Paul said I would get.  By putting this simple recipe into practice I found the peace of God.  I was blessed with peace of mind and a soul at rest with God.

I don’t know about you, but that’s my definition of freedom.  Jesus opened the door and with the help of a few friends and God’s Spirit, I began to practice what the word of God had been telling me to do all along.

Jesus came to set the captives free and bring many sons to glory.  Walk out of the prison of sin and doubt today.  Those who wait on the Lord and follow His advice will mount up on wings like eagles.  You can do it.  Take the first step today.  Jesus will help you every step of the way.

Learn more about how to walk with Jesus and live a life worth living in the book:  Jesus Is Better Than Porn

Betrayal, Pain & Reconciliation

Pornography and lust were an ever present reality for most of my life.  These thoughts go back to my childhood.  Becoming a Christian, going to seminary  and marrying my wife did little to change this fact.  Yet I led a double life and hid my secret sin from my wife for the first thirty years of our marriage.

On that morning when I sat her down on the couch and told her the truth, at first she was numb and the next day she was angry.  The marriage she thought she had did not exist.  She began to question everything.  What was real?  What was a lie? 

Like a kamikaze plane exploding into a battleship scattering fragments in the ocean, my disclosure blew up our marriage and shattered it into a million broken pieces.  She said later that had she not had a child to raise and classes to teach she might have curled up into a ball in bed and died.

My wife and I were like two blind people trying to cross a busy street.  We did not know what we were doing.  She really needed someone to help her deal with all her pain, confusion and anger.

We were blessed to be part of a support board with others who were facing this same issue.  We both learned that everything she felt was normal.  Even before I confessed by sin to her other wives had told me that this would be a very long process.  Deep wounds do not heal overnight.  And she would need months to go back, pick up the pieces and try to understand who I was, what I had done, why I did it and what place she held in my heart and in my life.

A couple from the support board mailed us some books including one on forgiveness.  We read what forgiveness is and is not.  Forgiveness does not mean you condone the wrongs committed against you.  It does not mean you allow the other person to continue to harm you and betray you.

Someone recommended the book “Not Just Friends” by Dr. Shirley Glass.  While this book doesn’t deal specifically with pornography, it is a classic on the topic of betrayal.  I learned it was important for me to be totally open and honest.  I had hidden so much from her for so many years; now it was time for me to answer her questions.  When?  Where?  How?  What about this time and that time?  She wanted to know what I had seen.  She wanted to hear how it all began.  She asked how I had hidden this for so long.  She looked at me sternly and demanded: “Why did you never get help?”

There were a few times when she asked for details which I preferred to hold back.  I told her I didn’t think it would be good for her, in the long run, to hold certain images in her mind because I felt they would be hard to forget.  At times, she agreed with me.  Other times she did not.  I learned I had to respect her wishes. She was the one in charge of how to grieve this loss.  She had the right to know about everything I had hidden from her for all those years.

This was a tremendous loss for her.  She had trusted me.  I destroyed all of that in a flash.  How could this trust ever be put back together again?   It was like Humpty Dumpty – not even all the king’s horses and all the king’s men would be enough. 

How did we make it to the other side?  I know it was only by God’s grace.  And I know it was only because my wife was willing to put in the effort.  She said it was all totally unfair.  She had to delve into the dark world of porn addiction.  She went to a therapist every week.  Yet she did all of that and more.

Of course I had to do my part.  Nothing would ever heal in our marriage unless I found a way to break free from the compulsive cycle of porn.  I had to get help, work to put an end to my chronic bad habits and put new habits in place for a life of truth and love.

God helped me to not react or lash out when she was angry with me.  After all, I caused the problem.  I was the perpetrator of the crime.  So when she yelled at me or even on occasion hit me, I believed I had it coming.  I wanted so much for her to know how deeply sorry I was for hurting her this way.  But words would not be enough.  I had to show her through my actions over time.

I took responsibility for my sins.  I repented of my sins.  And I worked to replace all the lies I had believed with truth.

The early days after D-Day were dark.  Some days it felt like they would never end.  But we both persevered.  We took one day at a time.  We tried to keep doing the next right thing.

No, our marriage would never be the same.  It actually became better.  I have read that when broken bones heal the spot that heals actually becomes stronger than it had been.  Today my wife and I know that each one is here because we choose to be.  We have worked for reconciliation and restoration.  We have invested in each other and in our union.  Today my wife and Ipray that we can grow old together and that we will hold each other tight.  We are thankful the Lord has provided for us, despite all of our mistakes and frailties.

They say it takes two to tango.  In our case we have been blessed by scores people.  We read books.  Talked with therapists.  Discovered friends on support boards.  And of course most of all we have received help for our Father.  He gives strength to the weary. 

As the prophet  wrote in Isaiah 40.29-31  

He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.

Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;

they shall mount up with wings like eagles;

they shall run and not be weary;

they shall walk and not faint.

Read more about reconciliation and restoration in the book:  Jesus Is Better Than Porn

How Hard Is Easy and Easy Is Hard

The temptation to lust hounded me for well over 40 years of my life. I fought and struggled, yet it felt like a losing battle. Why was I so weak? Why could I not be strong and resist? Why did I keep going back to it?

I believe the answer is simple. I was not doing it God’s way. I was avoiding what I thought was hard, taking what I thought was the easy way. And in reality I was sabotaging myself and setting myself up for failure.

In the NIV, Paul writes these words to the believers in the church in Ephesus in Ephesians 5:3 – “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” (Notice that I am talking about lust but Paul includes greed. I believe this principle is true in relation to a myriad of sins and addictions.)

How likely am I to fall into sexual impurity or pornography if I do not allow even a hint of it in my mind or in my life? I would say it is next to impossible. By establishing and sticking with “crisp boundaries” I will have a guardrail which will safely keep me on the road to a life of purity and goodness. Hard, fast rules protect me. What’s hard makes this easy. Quickly pushing out any and every impure thought will make it impossible for lust to gain a toehold in my mind. (Those who are battling worry or over spending can use this same strategy.)

As a child of God, greedy thoughts or impure thoughts cannot be tolerated nor accepted. Think of how many television programs you and I need to consider as unacceptable for the man or woman who wants to please our Father and walk in the light?

Just last night I had some free time. I decided to look for a movie to watch on Netflix. As I scrolled through the options I found a few action movies that looked interesting. Then when I went to a site to see how they were rated I discovered many of them had dozens of uses of the four letter f word. That was discouraging. As I kept looking I finally found one movie rated PG-13. It appeared to be much better than the others. As I began to watch it, in the opening scene there was a man and a woman in bed. She was wearing a tight shirt and it was obvious that she was not wearing a bra. I should have turned it off the first second I noticed. While that was not the case, within a few seconds I came to my senses (and the Holy Spirit convicted me) that this movie was not going to add anything good to my life. I had no business watching this kind of movie. It would certainly not be classified as a pornographic movie. It was not even R rated. But it contained more than a hint of sexual immorality and would lead me to cultivate impure thoughts in my heart and mind.

Just this morning a friend named Blas was chatting with me on Facebook. He told me he is tempted to think about a married woman he was involved with in the past. Immediately I related my experience with him. I told him we have to be ruthless in pushing out all unwanted thoughts. I shared Ephesians 5:3 with him. He replied: “I read that this morning!” Then I asked him how his life would be different if he applied to the letter the simple words of Ephesians 5:3. He quickly responded, “I would not have gone through three marriages.”

Next I talked with him about something I learned during my recovery. This applies to all addictions and habitual sins: alcohol, drugs, gambling, greed, pornography, etc.

Notice the three circles. The yellow area is the “middle circle”.

If my only goal is to avoid pornography (which is in the equivalent to the inner, red circle in this illustration) I must also avoid all of the things which lead up to actually acting out. This example of gambling shows how important it is to live our life in the outer circle. Doing what is right and good and beneficial. This is the life God has for us. All of the middle circle (in yellow above) activities, while not seeming to be so bad, are steps towards acting out. In my case to look at and lust over a woman wearing a short skirt or a low top cannot be accepted as okay. Picking up a remote control and scrolling through channels on a television or using my finger to scroll through photos on Instagram could also fall into the category of middle circle behavior.

Thus “not even a hint” is what makes walking with Jesus easy. The easy yoke is living with Jesus day by day. Focusing on Him. Fixing our eyes on Him and the writer says in Hebrews 12:2. When we follow the advice of Philippians 4:8 we will always live in the green, outer circle above. “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

It’s true! If you and I want to live a life worth living, a life with no regrets, the recipe is in the Bible. God knows best. When we listen to His instructions and put them into practice in our lives — a blessed life will follow. What some would say is hard, leads to true joy. This does not mean that temptations are totally absent, but that they have lost their pull on our souls. And of course we are not exempt for problems in our lives such as Covid-19, but we have a way to deal with anything that comes our way. We have learned to trust in the Lord and to put our lives in His hands. We know He is with us and He will help us weather all storms that come our way. 

Yes! Jesus is Better! God’s way is always Best!

Take a look at my book to learn more:  Jesus Is Better Than Porn

VICTORY OVER LUST

VICTORY!  You and I can find freedom and new life in Christ.  None of us are doomed to remain on the hamster wheel of compulsive sin until the day we die.

In his letter to followers of Christ in the first century the apostle Peter wrote in 2 Peter 1:3: “God’s divine power has given us everything we need for life and for godliness.”  If God has given us everything we need, what do we lack?  Nothing!

In reality, I always had everything I needed to break free from pornography and habitual lust.  You have always had everything you need to turn your back on your habitual sin, find freedom and discover a new life.  God is good and God is faithful.

The Spirit of God declares in Paul’s letter to the church in Rome:

If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?
Romans 8:31-32 

God already gave us the most priceless gift of all.  Jesus gave his life to rescue us from our sins.  So won’t He take care of us today and supply the resources we need to live a flourishing life right now?  Of course, he will.  In fact, if he hadn’t already spoken to our hearts and given us a nudge in the right direction, we would still be blind to the darkness that had imprisoned us for far too long.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul.

Psalm 23:1-3

The Good Shepherd loves me and cares for me. How can I live without losing my temper?  Because I know he is there to defend me and protect me.  Is it possible to never be anxious about anything?  It is when I believe my Father is in charge and he is taking care of me and he knows what he’s doing.  Can I live a life without lust?  Only when I believe that all my needs are being met by the One who knows me the best and loves me the most.

Only the Lord can quench my deepest thirst.  Drinking salt water will only cause me to be thirstier.  Only the living water that comes from above can quench and satisfy my thirsty soul.

That’s why Jesus is a million times better than porn or any other substitute.  When Jesus spoke to a woman who went to draw water from a well, he told her:

If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”  Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.
John 4:10-13

The man who hopes to quench his thirst with porn and lust will forever be searching for one more thrill.  The person who is searching for satisfaction through material possessions will constantly be running after one more purchase.  But when Jesus fills my heart, he becomes in me a “spring of water welling up to eternal life.”  Only He is big enough to fill the hole in my soul!

Without having met this woman before, Jesus knew that she had had five husbands. I believe she was seeking her fulfillment through her relationships with these men, yet always ended up coming up empty.  Finally, she met Jesus, the great I Am, who could meet all of her needs.  And the same is true for you and me today.  Christ in you is your hope of glory!    He is my everything.  He is my all in all.

Jesus isn’t just better than porn. Jesus is the best!

Today you can take another step towards the Light.  You will need to ask for help along the way, but don’t get discouraged.  Every trial and obstacle you face will only make the prize at the end seem that much sweeter.  Never forget that freedom is a glorious gift from above.

Learn more about breaking free from porn and other habitual sins in the book:  Jesus Is Better Than Porn

“I like pornography.”

I denied my love for lust and porn for well over three decades.  I would never have said “I like pornography”.  I believed I was a good, Christian man.  I told myself that I wanted to break free from the habitual sin of looking at naked women.  I kept this sin a secret from everyone (except from God, of course).  And in my own mind I never thought of it as pornography.  I just liked to look at beautiful bodies.  I just enjoyed being stimulated and aroused.  And I was going to stop because this was going to be the last time I did it.

From my background of having dealt with a secret sin for decades, I have come to see how essential it is for us reach out for help, admit our weaknesses and talk about our mistakes.  I was never going to find freedom from this ugly sin until I sought help.  I was never going to reach out for the help I needed until I admitted to myself how serious my problem was.  Minimizing my compulsive addiction to pornography meant that I would never escape and fine the freedom I so dearly needed.

The counselor I saw for a few months told me that Freud said “talking cures”. Talking helps lessen my anxiety as I open up about my feelings.  For me, it was important to voice my mistakes and get them out in the open.  Saying it all out loud to another person forced me to face the severity of what I had done and my drastic need to make real and lasting changes.  For me to look my therapist in the eye and confess that I looked at pictures of naked women and then fantasized about being with them while I masturbated to reach orgasm was extremely difficult. Yet what better way to eliminate all of my minimizing and rationalizing?

Today a friend told me that she was only able to break free from the grip of compulsive worrying when one day she finally said out loud: “I like to worry.” That was hard for her to say.  But it was an essential first step for her to take in order to stop worrying and start trusting in God to take care of her and her family.

Before I could learn to HATE porn and turn my back on lust I had to face the fact that for years I had liked porn, perhaps even loved porn.  It’s impossible to treat an illness if we deny having the disease.

You may already know that the first of the 12 steps in AA is:  “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.”

The river Nile is the longest river in the world.  And DENIAL is one of the greatest problems any of us face as we seek to break from old destructive habits and build a new life built on the truth.

Those who are disciples of Jesus know that he has placed us in a family called the church.  There we have brothers and sisters who like us, are striving to live for Jesus, but like us, they have their own weaknesses, challenges, and struggles.  I pray the church can be a place for you and me to confess our sins one to another, pray with each other and find healing. This is certainly part of what the Lord had in mind when he placed us in this spiritual community.

“Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.”
James 5:16

I compare talking with a sponsor or a therapist or a good friend to looking in a mirror.  I may have a dirty spot on my face, but without the mirror, or another person to point it out to me, I am unaware of this fact.  If I ever want to grow and improve as a person, I need people in my life who can help me look at myself in the mirror and perceive my actions as they really are. It doesn’t do me any good to be surrounded by people who tell me what a great guy I am when my life is in shambles.  It is essential to talk with people who will point me to the truth and help me face reality.  Dallas Willard said reality is what you run into when you are wrong. A good friend who helped me with my recovery told me: “The truth hurts, but lies kill.”

Now I am very happy to declare, loud and clear, for everyone to hear: “I HATE PORN!”

Learn more about breaking free from pornography in the book:  Jesus Is Better Than Porn

THE REACH OF LONELINESS

Loneliness yawns and stretches towards me
Like dusky shadows in an old attic room.
Blackened shapes reach out from objects
That I would rather choose to ignore,
Because the pain is too hard and complex to confront.

Loneliness yawns and stretches towards me
Like a cold, arctic canvas,
An icy abyss,
A snow cave whose frigid, frozen, unfriendly walls
Show no comfort nor warmth,
But merely echo and reverberate the screams of frustration
And dissatisfaction I cry out.
This rings in my ears like a cruel tinnitus.
Incurable.
Irritating.
Insanity inducing.
Unloving.
Neglectful.

Loneliness yawns and stretches towards me
Like a grizzly bear just waking up from Winter’s hibernation.
It flexes it’s muscles and sharpens claws
In readiness for assault,
For it is starving and needs a full belly
In order to satisfy its grumbling appetite.

Loneliness yawns and stretches towards me
Like streams of silvery white moonlight,
Which silently weave their way through a forest at midnight.
The wooded arms of the trees wave in the brisk breeze,
Their twiggy fingers quietly drumming the thick, black air,
Making the light beams fragment and dance unrhythmically,
Giving them a fragile, fleeting, flitting appearance,
Much like that of a humming-bird.

Loneliness yawns and stretches towards me
Like the distorted images of a warped mirror,
Which gives the illusion of one thing,
(Enhancing ugliness, whilst creating imaginary new flaws),
Whilst hiding the full truth.
My reflection will not grant me comfort,
Nor make a way for healing.
Rather, it stares blankly back at me
With a twisted air of tired misery and misunderstanding.

Loneliness yawns and stretches towards me,
But, then, just as it’s about to strangle me
And squeeze my last un-fighting breath from my pained body
And exhausted, un-hoping mind,
The figure of Christ Jesus steps into the fore,
Interrupting the No-man’s land between me and loneliness.

Christ overshadows the shadows of loneliness that yawn,
Reminds me that He is with me
And thus, I am not alone.
‘though there is a difference between being alone and being lonely.

God reminds me that He sees and knows me –
My heart, my mind and my soul,
In a way that no other can,
Or dares to dream to be able to.
He sees and knows me better than I do myself.
God understands the complex whirrings of my brain,
And the rushing floods of emotions I struggle with.

He also reminds me that any yawning shadow can only reach so far
Before coming to an abrupt end,
For shadows have their limitations,
Especially when shown the light.
Arctic Winter chills will, at the appropriate time,
Give way to Summer’s warmer climes,
And no abyss is bottomless in reality,
Despite initial appearances to the contrary.
Hungry beasts will feed and be satisfied,
Then relax and return to peaceful slumber,
And moonlight’s trickery fades and disappears with the dawn of each new day.
God also reminds me that reflections aren’t real,
But merely illusions,
And their distorted imagery is not trustworthy.

Jesus reassures me that loneliness can never take a true strangle hold on me,
For I am His beloved child,
And thus protected,
Valued,
Listened to,
Cared for,
And never truly alone…
Not now,
Not ever.
For eternity.
For God’s love and power yawn and stretch with endless span,
Reaching into every part of me,
Going deeper
And enveloping far stronger
Than the loneliness can ever hope to grip.
For my God is an awesome God,
Gifting hope to the hopeless,
And help to the helpless,
Comfort to the distressed
And company and reassurance to the lonely.
He is abounding in unfathomable grace,
And loves with a Holy, immeasurable love,
Reigning with an Almighty power
That supersedes ALL things.

By Suzanne Newman – copyright 2021

Is Sincerity Enough?

For well over 30 years I told myself that this would be the last time, that I was going to change.  I would cry over my sins and repent to the Lord, promise to put the sin of lust behind me and walk in purity.  Yet before I knew it, I would be actively seeking fodder to feed my hunger for another fix of impure thoughts.

I remember traveling with a group of brothers on a three day men’s retreat.  While there I felt so rejuvenated and renewed in my faith and dedication to the Lord.  I felt so close to the Lord and believed my life was going to be different.  But I returned from that retreat and walked into my house after midnight.  My wife and kids were asleep.  What did I do?  I quietly turned on the television and flipped through the channels until I discovered something sensual to watch.  How could that happen?  What was wrong with me?

On another occasion I was crossing the street and got hit by a car.  The car threw my body to the asphalt.  I was taken to the hospital.  For a couple of weeks my body hurt from head to toe.  I received a concussion and to this day remember nothing about the details of the accident.  Yet, not a bone in my body was broken.  I thanked God for saving my life.  And once again I vowed to let this miracle wake me up and give me the sincerity, dedication and desire I needed to remove pornography from my life.  But it didn’t last for long.

In my case reading the Bible was not enough, prayer was not enough, more sincerity was never enough for me to break free from this compulsive sin.  It was not God’s fault.  Our God is the God who can do the impossible.  But just trying harder and praying more fervently, without taking the practical steps necessary, kept me trapped in my habitual sin for decades.

It was only when I reached out for help that I began to find answers.  My sin had to be brought out into the light.  I needed to help to see that I had swallowed the devil’s lies and needed to hear the truth in order to break free from old habits which kept me going back and repeating what I had always done.

I had heard the saying that ““Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results” yet that was my precisely my case.

In a New York hospital several years ago, carbon dioxide instead of oxygen was mis­takenly administered to a patient. According to the police report, the patient died instantly. The unfortunate patient died in spite of his own sincerity and that of the hospital authorities, the anesthesiologist and the surgeon.

Saul of Tarsus was sincere during the time when he persecuted the church. After his conversion to Christ, Paul said, “I have lived in all good conscience before God until this day” (Acts 23:1).  As the Bible clearly states: “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death” (Proverbs 14:12).

You and I can be sincerely mistaken.  We can trick ourselves into believing that we are doing all we can and still be dead wrong. 

My advice is seek help.  Find wise followers of Jesus and ask them what steps you need to take to begin your new life.  Often it is best to search for others who have dealt with the same besetting sin which you are struggling to overcome.  Those who have been there and found freedom can almost certainly point you to the light and to the life your soul longs for.

The Lord has always been there for me.  I know it was never his desire for me to remain in my sins.  He heard every one of my prayers.  Yet he was waiting for me to humbly and courageously take the necessary steps to grow and become the man he always intended for me to be.

Learn more about finding victory over pornography in the book:  Jesus Is Better Than Porn

ME? A Sex Offender?

Do you remember when Moses went up the mountain to receive the law from God, while down below the people were making an idol to worship?  Moses arrived and asked his brother Aaron in Exodus 32:21, “What did these people do to you, that you led them into such great sin?” Then Aaron replied in verse 23: “They said to me, ‘Make us gods who will go before us’”. And Aaron came up with this story in verse 24: “I told them, ‘Whoever has any gold jewelry, take it off.’ Then they gave me the gold, and I threw it into the fire, and out came this calf.”

I’ll be honest with you here, this sounds just like me.  “I just turned on the TV and there it was!  I was surfing the internet and look at what happened to pop up!”  Those are all such lame excuses.

I was wrapped up in an addictive cycle; I had created a pattern of behavior. My habitual sin had become an ingrained habit, but none of this can excuse my actions.  I can try to minimize what I did by saying that I never went out with another woman; I can rationalize my behavior by saying that at least I was trying to break free from this habitual sin, that I really don’t intend to go back to it.  But none of this can justify the fact that I did not just slip.  I jumped. I was a willing participant in this activity. I sinned because I wanted to.

I have read dozens, if not hundreds, of heavy, disturbing headlines in the newspapers.  I can hardly bear to think about what one human being can do to another.  Disgusting, horrible things.  A coach or a doctor who takes advantage of young people who look up to and respect him.  A priest or a pastor who uses his position to do the unthinkable.

One wife wrote this to me:

“Human beings are being abused to make porn. It’s not okay for people to abuse other people, nor contribute to the demise of their souls, because I like it, or because I like to masturbate to it. We know ya’ll like to call porn “it”, and hide from the awareness that those women are not OBJECTS put here for your sexual gratification. They are human beings USED for your sexual gratification BY you.  In my opinion, the men who EXCLUDE their own contribution to this cycle of abuse, are far worse than the pornographers.   Whatever is causing your blind spots is what needs to go because that is what blocks love.”

Language is an interesting thing. We can use words to deceive and blind ourselves. I’m learning more and more about how I have done this. I used to say “I’m not hurting anyone. It is just me here with these pictures. I didn’t talk with anyone or get involved with anyone or approach anyone. I would NEVER do that.”

The truth is, what I had done in my mind and in my heart was far worse.  It is absolutely essential for me to recognize the extent and degree of my actions. I was a participant in it and a promoter of this depraved thing called pornography.

I used to pride myself by saying that I had never cheated on my wife and that I had never so much as flirted with another woman.  Well, this is what a wife of a porn addict wrote to me in this regard:

“If you’ve logged on and viewed pornography in your home, you have cheated at home, You have brought your porn girlfriends into your home. You did not go to a strip club, you brought a parade of strippers and prostitutes right in your home to perform for your viewing pleasure in private. Porning is way worse than flirting. You are having mental and emotional sex with those women just as if they are right in front of you. You cheated with hundreds or even thousands of women behind your wife’s back. It sounds like you want to play it down so it won’t sound so bad.  You are just as bad as all the other guys who cheat on their wives in whatever form they do it. Adultery is adultery. Calling it pornography doesn’t make it not adultery.”

Today I confess that I used human beings as objects to satisfy my own selfish desires. I treated creatures made by God as something to be exploited and abused by me at my whim and fancy.  And today, once again, I repent of this dreadful and obnoxious sin.

Open my eyes, Lord, to see where I was and what I did. Help me never to do it again. Help me to always treat every human being as an eternal soul loved by You. Forgive me and remake me!  I thank you for giving me another chance to live a life worth living.

Learn about how to break free from pornography in the book:  Jesus Is Better Than Porn