Darren Johnson's Blog, page 2
January 31, 2019
Oh Lawd, He Coming (sic)
BIG NEWS!
Took about a month, but after keeping up my personal record-setting pace (a couple days ago, I wrote a personal best ~1958 words in a single day), I finished the first draft of The Greatest Crossover of All Time. Read it aloud to my girlfriend who laughed out loud at all the right parts. It will be a nice concluding story to my second novel, Darren Johnson’s Best Short Stories of 2018.
In fact, just today, I created the cover for it (the novel, not the short story, which probably won’t ever get one). Making your own covers is so much fun. It’s also relatively easy when there’s no actual art involved. And here it is!:
[image error]
Remaining tasks:
Make at least one editing pass on The Greatest Crossover…
Combine all the above stories into one big Word file
Publish!
Improve the formatting for the paperback version (doing all the things you can’t do with ebooks)
expand the cover above (including spine and entire back cover)
Publish paperback version!
January 16, 2019
Writing is One of the Best Parts of Writing
In the past 3 days, I’ve written 2700 words, well surpassing the daily goal of 500 words/day. It feels so good.
Some say you should write for the reader, you know, write books that sell. It’s good advice for those that can do it. I can’t. I mean, maybe I could churn out a romance series and make a lot more (or any) money, but I don’t think so, because my heart wouldn’t really be in it. I’d find a way to insert my cynicism and smartassness and mess it up.
And so, for the time being, I will continue to write whatever pops in my head. Right now, it is The Greatest Crossover of All Time, featuring all the characters from the short stories I wrote last year. It’s very goofy, but it makes me chuckle, so hopefully someone out there will enjoy it, too. It’s basically like Avengers: Infinity War, except:
The characters come from a handful of short stories and novelettes rather than this huge base in comics and graphic novels.
There won’t have been 18 some odd films for the audience to get to know and love the characters.
It will only be novelette- (or possibly novella-) sized.
No Stan Lee cameos.
It will have been written by just one amateur, indie author (me) instead of brought to life by thousands of seasoned professionals.
Oh my god, it will be absolutely nothing like Avengers: Infinity War.
But hey, it’s fun to write and come up with all the ways the characters can interact, etc.
Other recent notes besides the writing:
Went through all of the comments for Arnesto Modesto on Wattpad (special thanks to Wattpad member knotanumber), fixed a couple typos.
Thanks to one review, I learned it may be better (especially for U.K. readers) to say “a couple of” rather than “a couple.” “A couple of times” >>> “A couple times.” Who knew? Anyway, changed a whole bunch of those in Arnesto (also learned that I overuse the phrase “A couple”).
Republished Arnesto Modesto and Tyrone Jackson on both Amazon and D2D with the above changes (Tyrone just had one known typo I happened to catch).
Raised the price of Arnesto up to $3.99. I want to try for a Bookbub deal again soon, and need to be able to discount it. Can’t really discount it from $0.99. Besides, it was $0.99 for long enough.
Maybe related to the above item, but had a couple no-sale days. Still selling, though!
December 31, 2018
New Ebook is Done!
[image error]
Scary, ridiculous, violent, so many adjectives could be used to describe this one. The description I wrote for Amazon:
“When all human babies are suddenly born with superhuman strength and a taste for blood, society crumbles. Now bands of infants are decimating the last enclaves of humanity. The only one who can stop them… The Baby Hunter. A novelette horror/thriller.”
$0.99 everywhere else (though I just published on Draft2Digital a couple of hours ago, so it may take a bit to show up at all possible sites)
or…
FREE to anyone on my mailing list
Next up:
Darren Johnson’s Best Short Stories of 2018: All of my short stories of the year, including: Chasing Cowquest, The 2nd Amendmenters, Tyrone Jackson and the Half-Court Dunk, plus a few hitherto unseen stories, including (not available anywhere else):
The Greatest Crossover of All Time: They’re some of the worst, most poorly written characters ever created by one man in 2018. Now their worlds are about to collide. They thought they had problems before… Featuring all your favorite (and least favorite) characters from the above compilation. A thriller.
December 17, 2018
Ridiculous Premise, Serious Story
So much for keeping up with this daily log, huh? I figured it wasn’t interesting to anyone (why would it be?) That said, here’s an important update:
The first draft of The Baby Hunter is done! I read it aloud to my girlfriend, who said it was one of her favorites, even factoring in all the death and violence!
I finally hired someone off fiverr.com to make the cover. After a brief search, I realized I wasn’t going to find any good, free stock photos of angry, vampiric babies. Plus, every author will tell you to hire somebody else to make your covers. After making several of my own ranging from “Hey, that turned out okay!” to “Ugh, I hate that one,” it was time to hire a professional. I should get it back in two days.
Still posting my Arnesto Modesto chapters to Wattpad. Even have a few followers, including one who keeps giving me great feedback. This person even found at least one glaring typo that somehow survived multiple rounds of editing, and possibly a couple more (I haven’t had time to check yet). Typos are so easy to fix, I can’t think of a good reason not to fix them.
Arnesto Modesto is still selling well internationally, especially in Australia and the U.K. Well, I say “well,” but to me, selling any at all is “well.” Though it is still #1 in time travel in Australia. Thanks, mates!
That said, it’s not selling in the U.S. Bargainbooksy didn’t seem to be much help. Still hovering at only four reviews on amazon.com, though I have eight (!) in the U.K. Thanks, lads and lasses!
Had a couple more ideas for what may be my last story of 2018: The Greatest Crossover of All Time. Basically, “The worst characters ever written are going to have to learn to work together if they want to save, I don’t know, the world or something.” That’s not one of the ideas, that’s just what the story is about. Need to make an editing pass on The Baby Hunter, then it’s crossover time!
December 2, 2018
Content Dribbling in
Not much to report:
Put some more Arnesto chapters on Wattpad
Wrote ~400 more words for The Baby Hunter
Signed up for a BargainBooksy promo Wednesday, Dec. 5, 2018 (still awaiting approval)
November 29, 2018
Another Short Story!
First, today’s events:
Got rejected by Robin Read’s, just hours after submitting. If I wasn’t an international #1 best-selling author, I might be offended. Oh, well.
Posted 3 more chapters of Arnesto Modesto on Wattpad.
Wrote 600 words for The Baby Hunter! Good to be back writing again, especially on this novelette I had to abandon for a while.
And now, here’s the other short story I wrote the other day:
The Best Damn Cop on the Force
“I’ve been thinking about retiring,” Artie said.
“What?! You serious, Artie?” Officer Brooks had a Boston accent and pronounced his partner’s name, “Ahtie,” or as Artie would say, “naughty without the n.”
“Dead serious.”
“Is the chief making you do this? I saw you talking to her.”
“No, Brooks, Gomez is cool. She got me this position. Do you know how many people would take a chance on a cop with no arms? I just feel like it’s time, you know? My body can’t keep up anymore.”
“C’mon, Artie, you still have some good years left.”
The radio cackled. “We have a 10-65 at Main and Third. All units in the vicinity, please respond.”
“Shit, that’s only a block away.” Brooks grabbed the mic. “Dispatch, this is Brooks, in pursuit.” He hit the gas and the lights at the same time.
“There!”
Brooks slammed on the brakes, nearly hitting the suspects as they split up in front of the apartment building.
“You go low, I’ll go high!” Artie yelled, chasing his target into the building and up the stairs while Brooks went after the other man down the alley.
At the fifth floor, halfway up, Artie paused for just a second. His suspect was faster than him. As usual, he would have to rely on his wits rather than his physical prowess. Artie ran into the hallway. Bingo. Another stairwell on the other side.
When Artie emerged on the roof, he peered around the corner and saw his suspect approaching unaware. Artie hid behind an air-conditioning unit. He could just make out the scuffle happening between Brooks and the other suspect down below in the alley. Please let Brooks survive this night, he thought. Brooks was still a kid.
He saw a gun appear around the side of the unit and took his chance. He jumped up and slammed into the perp, catching them both off balance. The man’s gun landed right by the side of the roof, but still closer to the man. Thinking fast, Artie hid behind another unit.
“Come here, you fucking cultivar,” the man said. “Show yourself, coward.” Not getting a response, he ran for the gun.
Artie dove, getting under the man’s foot. The man slipped on Artie’s orange, cylindrical body and stumbled toward the edge. There was nothing for him to grab onto and he fell, slamming into the pavement a few feet from where the other suspect had Brooks pinned to the trunk of their squad car.
Artie hobbled over to the edge. Being stomped on had messed him up. A few of his white spots, signs of his age he had kept hidden from everyone, had been scuffed by the underside of the suspect’s boot. It might be a good thing he had gotten a little mushy. If he was still firm, he might have broken in pieces.
Assailant number two was hunched over Brooks, trying to use Brooks’ own nightstick to crush his throat. Brooks was holding him off but losing ground.
Artie knew he didn’t have time to run down the stairs. He lined up as best he could. He caught Brooks eye.
“No! Don’t you fucking do it, Artie!” Brooks managed to yell, only seconds from having his windpipe crushed.
Artie lept. His shape helped him stay pointed straight down. Brooks’ yell caused the assailant to look up at just the wrong time and Artie plunged into his eye, killing him. Before Brooks could grab either of them, the dead man fell such that his face hit the sidewalk at an angle, causing Artie to snap in half.
“No.” Brooks said, gasping for air. “No!” He stumbled over and picked up Artie’s top half. Artie was dead. “Damn it, Artie. Damn it to hell. You may have been a carrot, but you were the best damn cop on the force!”
The End
Author’s Note
If you’re thinking, “What the #)*$! did I just read?!,” that’s good! That’s the reaction I was going for. It just came to me while lying in bed a week ago. “What if I have this ridiculous little story where the hero cop saves the day by rolling under the perp’s foot and then plunging into the other perp’s eye, which only he can do, because as it’s so gradually revealed, he’s a carrot?” It was so clear in my head, I had to write it down. It cracks me up (obviously, I’m easily amused). Is this the worst thing I’ve ever written? Is it the worst thing anybody’s ever written? It’s possible!
November 28, 2018
A Quick Short Story for You
Two days ago, for the first time in months, I did some actual writing! It felt so good, like a little vacation from all the marketing and promotion and rigmarole of being an author where you do anything except write. In fact, I wrote two short stories in a row! Here, presented for the very first time anywhere (except for me reading it aloud to my girlfriend), is the first.
NOTE: Apologies for having the word “God” in the title, but it’s not what you think…
It was a Gift from God, They Said
The Gift came suddenly and without warning or explanation. Everyone, everywhere could fly.
No faster than walking speed, but still, you could fly, damn it!
Children playing outside retrieved frisbees from roofs and balls from rooftop gutters, while others had loftier goals.
Prisoners who had the luck of being in the yard took to the skies. Border guards in North Korea fled south.
Some sporting events had to be called on account of too much hang time, but neither fans nor players minded as they were too busy celebrating their newfound ability.
People in wheelchairs no longer needed them. Perhaps no one enjoyed flight more than seniors.
One man, who had thrown himself off the Golden Gate Bridge after discovering his wife was sleeping with his best friend, was even more fortunate than most. Like most jumpers, he had a change of heart just after beginning his fall. The Gift appeared just then, giving him a second chance. He took it.
In Los Angeles, people got out of their cars, already stopped due to an unrelated accident on the 405, and took to the air, laughing in delight. In New York City, even the locals became tourists, taking selfies while perched on top of Freedom Tower or the Statue of Liberty. Washington, D.C. had a nasty problem with trespassers egging the White House and tried its best to enter a state of lockdown.
Most were enjoying themselves far too much to question it. It was a gift from God, they said. Even the scientists were baffled.
It wasn’t their fault.
How could they have known that an ancient civilization from millions of years ago had gotten a little careless? They had been experimenting with antigravitons that worked with a sentience through symbiosis. The ancient ones enjoyed flight as much as us.
When it was time for them to abandon Earth, they did their best to leave no trace behind so as to interfere with future developments. But antigravitons are tricky, requiring the use of dark matter and dark energy, which are notoriously difficult to keep track of. Some got left behind, hidden in the ice that would contain it for so long, until the humans came along and elected politicians who denied global warming in order to line their own pockets or appease their religious supporters.
The invisible, dark matter microbes housing the antigravitons spread to the humans without deleterious effect, so meticulously constructed they were. And as they were constructed, they were inert until their hive mind, connected through dark energy, alerted them to the fact they had reached a saturation point (for it takes a rather large amount of them to lift so much as a crumb). And so, they became active the whole world round, bestowing upon humanity The Gift.
What the humans could never have foreseen was what caused the ancients to abandon this particular line of research. Consuming such a large amount of energy led the microbes to die out in a huge mass microbe extinction event after a time.
And so, after far too short a period, the vast majority of the human population learned the hard way that The Gift had ended.
#1, BABY!
[image error]#1 in Australia
Very happy to see that little orange ribbon, even though I know it doesn’t mean all that much. Here’s a link to a guy who instantly became a best-seller by publishing a picture of his foot: best-selling foot.
Anyway, here’s what I did today:
Put the first chapter on wattpad
Submitted my application to appear in:
ENT (EReader News Today): $35 (if accepted)
Robin Reads: $60 (if accepted)
November 27, 2018
Bookbub International – Worth It!
After applying to get Arnesto Modesto featured on Bookbub, I was accepted — but only for the international market: Canada, U.K., Australia, and India. I didn’t know what to expect, but happily forked over $160 in the hopes I would get at least some of that money back and actually get some sales (when I had had only 1-2 in the past few months). Data:
Applied for both U.S. ($600) and Int’l ($160), only got the latter.
Published through Amazon
Also published through Draft2Digital (Kobo, B&N, and a bunch of others) because Bookbub says they’re more likely to accept you if your book is available for multiple sources. Not being only with Amazon (Kindle Unlimited) likely cost me some money (35% royalties vs. 70%), but it was worth it to increase my chances of getting accepted.
Featured Black Friday (11/23/18).
Priced at $0.99 instead of free, because I read a really smart comment from someone somewhere that you were more likely to get interested readers instead of freebie seekers who would “buy” your book but never read it. Plus, this way, I might get a few bucks back.
When I went to check around 11 AM on the 23rd, I was pretty nervous, afraid I still wouldn’t have any sales. Instead, I had around 200 or so, which was a huge thrill. At that point, I had made about $60 back, so was still $100 in the hole. Still, 200 people bought my book!
[image error]
As you can see several days later, the number kept climbing. Or numbers, as it’s still selling after the fact, having sold 19 so far today. All told, I got my money back plus another $70 from my Amazon sales. Special thanks to the United Kingdom, who were the bulk of that.
But wait, there’s more!
[image error]
After checking D2D (Draft2Digital), I was shocked to see I had this many more sales. I was also surprised to see I had any sales of my short stories (all free except Tyrone Jackson, sitting at $0.99). All combined, I made around $200 profit, woo-hoo!
Expectations: is this sustainable? Absolutely not. I would have to have a Bookbub feature every day, which of course, can’t happen and wouldn’t make any sense even if it could (the same readers wouldn’t keep buying the same book). I fully expect sales to drop back to nothing (or close) very soon. But that’s okay! This was a great experiment that wildly surpassed my expectations. Now I just have to write more, advertise more (at all), all the usual stuff.
Also, got a polite (but scary) email from Bookbub the day of that they weren’t promoting my book for Google Books. Why not? Oh, right, I never published there! D2D’s site says they are in talks with them, but until then, I might try publishing there myself.
Finally, I should mention that I’ve received NO new reviews on Amazon (yet), but have hopes my feature will net me some (EDIT: I likely won’t get any for the U.S., because int’l sales lead to int’l reviews on int’l sites. Did get a very nice 5-star review in the U.K., though). Anyway, with an infinite number of variables, it’s impossible to say if a feature like this would work for you, but it sure seems worth a shot, doesn’t it? Cheers!
November 21, 2018
Hold Me Closer, Tiny Progress
Had my MailChimp email signup redirect here (to this blog) instead of my Twitter when signup is at last confirmed.
Watched a couple videos on utilizing MailChimp.
