Christopher D. Connors's Blog, page 45

These Two “C’s” Are the Most Important Parts of Every Great Venture

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/ae/Denzel_Washington_og_Anne_Hathaway_IMG_6550a.jpgHow you start and how you finish will define your success.

“Without commitment you’ll never start. But more importantly, without consistency you’ll never finish.” — Denzel Washington

These days, we repeatedly hear about the process.

“It’s the process.”

Yes, it is. And when we give it more definition, we realize that the process does matter. The process is all of the steps that comprise ANY endeavor. We cannot focus only on the prize at the end. It’s the journey that counts, of course. It’s how we plan and execute on that process and see it through to completion. We’re best to focus on that process.

Right. Got it. Good.

But what about the start and finish? Are they so old fashioned that we’ve lost sight of the two most important parts of every great venture?

A process means nothing if you never begin.

A process means nothing if you don’t know how to finish.

Processes are tools. Processes help keep us focused. They remind us of what we’re doing. Think about it — if you set out to write a book, you know that you need to first and foremost do the writing. You need to create compelling, interesting prose that you will be proud of, and that others will want to read! You have to edit your writing to ensure that it has flow and is error-free.

And of course, you need a cover, front and back matter, etc. But the most important part of writing a book is the uh… writing. Both beginning the writing, then finishing the writing of the book. Everything else pales in comparison. If you never begin, if you doubt, fear, worry, wonder, procrastinate, then you never begin.

And even if you do begin, if you do these things while you’re in the middle, and lose sight of the finish line, then you also will not reach completion.

Beginning

The most important part of any venture is the doing. Which, of course, is why the process matters. But you first must begin! You must have the commitment and discipline to actually begin! Incredibly, this is lost on so many people. Conversations that I have with young professionals at conferneces, speaking engagements and in coaching remind me that dreams without goals are just dreams.

I’ve heard countless people tell me that they want to launch a vlog. Or they want to be an actor. Writer. Author. Entrepreneur. You name it. And guess what they haven’t done?

Nope, it’s not about having a website.

Nope, it’s not about having a marketing plan.

Nope, it’s not about the process.

They haven’t started. They haven’t even begun what their dream.

If you never start, the process will never matter. You must begin. You must commit and will yourself to do what you said you were going to do. You must try that strategy, try that idea out, give it a shot. As the old saying goes, “If you never try, you’ll never know.” There’s nothing quite like going for it. Because you absolutely will not know or understand what that means until you do it.

“Consistency is the true foundation of trust. Either keep your promises or do not make them.” — Roy T. Bennett

So surely, the process matters, and this article is not meant to diminish the importance of having a plan and process. Far from it. It’s meant to awaken our souls and minds to the reality that commitment and consistency are the essential underpinnings to every great venture. Commitment and consistency empower you to begin, to keep going and to reach the finish line.

Every great venture, every great story has an ending. Processes by definition are finite! This is from Merriam-Webster:

“a natural phenomenon marked by gradual changes that lead toward a particular result

a series of actions or operations conducing to an end.”

We should always focus on the process, but it’s imperative for us to muster up the courage to begin and to power forward to the finish line of whatever we start.

The Best of the Best

Denzel Washington is a man who knows this well. Breaking into a mostly white movie industry, he had roles thrown at him earlier in his career that would have paid him a lot of money, but ones that he felt compromised his integrity. He had a very tough decision to make — do I jump at what I can, begin and see it through to completion to take the big paycheck?

Or do I have a discerning mind and appetite for how I make my decisions? Do I use my intelligent mind to take ownership over what I choose to start and what I choose to finish. He knew he had a choice. He knew that everything began with commitment and a willingness to give it a go. If his heart wasn’t in it, he wouldn’t do it. He talks about how he had concerns of bringing negative energy to the set if he wasn’t committed.

So he decided to commit to what he truly wanted. He did so with fire, passion, love and belief in himself. And he got going and consistently applied himself to become one of the greatest actors in Hollywood history.

Finish What You’ve Started

“It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives. It’s what we do consistently.” — Tony Robbins

The decision to empower ourselves with ownership and choice instills a sense of commitment, and leads us to wanting to press forward with consistency that leads us to the finish line. A process will help us, but so will a closing plan. What will it look like when we finish? What will success look like? How will we celebrate our success?

Having this presence of mind to identify that moment in the winner’s circle will drive you toward consistency. On those morning where you don’t want to get out of bed because you fear rejection. On those days on less sleep when your child kept you up all night. On those days where you fear getting started so much, your mind begins to wander and you consider turning back to old habits and vices.

Recognize that in those moments, you must press forward. Life and time stop for no one. If you want to go get what’s yours, you must begin. You must commit. You’ll never, ever know otherwise. As Theodore Roosevelt once wrote, what we should fear most is being in that wretched, “ place… with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Begin. Finish. The process will take care of itself. All three phases matter. Just remember how important it is to get started with commitment and close with consistency.

Seek the Truth

Join my newsletter and check out my book, The Value of You. This will give you inspiration to start planning for success on your journey. If you’re interested in working with me try me here.

The Stress-Free Mindset — Be Quick but Don’t Hurry

The Stress-Free Mindset — Be Quick but Don’t HurryWhy a diligently planned day reduces stress and makes you more productive

Stop rushing. Stop. Please, it’s not going to help you. If you’ve procrastinated, trying to make up for lost time and expecting a masterpiece in only a few hours won’t cut it. Not only is it likely that the results won’t be there, you’ll cause yourself stress by going full-fledged “rush job” on yourself. And we all know, stress is a killer.

Many of us are living with stress, anxiety, fear and insecurity about what will come next in our lives. Some of us get so used to it, we may not even realize it. So we start to worry. And when we worry, we either do not commit to action, or we begin to internalize stress, which manifests itself in anxiety. When we do make a move, it’s rushed and feels forced. It feels like we’re not really ourselves. We hurry.

We lose.

The maxim that I use in the second part of my title comes from the legendary head basketball coach of UCLA, John Wooden. It’s so important that we master the processes and routine that we perform every day. It’s critical for us to become great planners! Once we do, we become more efficient. We get quicker. Then, we don’t need to hurry.

The reality that we need to wake up to is that intelligent, diligent and focused planning is the saving grace for us to live a productive, happy and healthy life. The more prepared you are for each day, the more productive you will be. No magic pill. While a positive, industrious mindset will help you, you’re so much better prepared when you have a plan.

Psychologist Robert Epstein explains according to one of his surveys that planning is our best weapon for managing stress:

“Fighting stress before it even starts, planning things rather than letting them happen, that means planning your day, your year and your life so that stress is minimized.”

Epstein’s survey was also able to track stress management with participants’ overall levels of happiness. “The association was very strong,” says Epstein, “suggesting that nearly 25% of our happiness is related to our ability to manage stress.” Source: Time Magazine

Sex Appeal?

Planning isn’t sexy. Let’s just get that out of the way! It’s not going to give you results now. So as a result, many people don’t do it. We’re so attune as a society to thinking that once we take action, we get a result right away. This instant-gratification thinking clashes with the real world. It’s a lie. Results often come many steps after the first step that we’ve taken.

It’s only when we begin to plan and exercise patience, and couple that with the experience of living — that we understand this. It’s much harder in life to go off memory alone and achieve big results. The problem is that life tends to add on more responsibilities as we go. We’re not wired to be multi-taskers. And multi-tasking simply isn’t efficient.

Multi-tasking leads us down a path where we focus on several activities at once, while not being able to give our 100% full concentration and effort to their completion. Planning gives us the confidence that we need, it helps us prioritize and engenders an affirmative feeling of positivity that we are well organized and structured. Once you start doing this, you’ll realize that multi-tasking only makes things worse.

Root Cause Analysis

Let’s get back to stress, for a minute. If stress is the cause of our productivity downfall, then some basic root-cause analysis would be helpful. By solving the problem to understand why we’re stressed — which is often associated with a lack of planning! — we’re better able to conquer any worries, fears and obstacles that surround it. This is precisely what clinical psychologist, Susan Heitler believes.

“ My #1 technique for dissipating stress is to solve the problem that is producing the stress. Unlike most stress-reduction methods, solving the problem removes stress at its roots. Problem-solving usually has three steps:

1. Face it

2. Clarify your specific concerns

3. Create a plan of action”

Confront your reality. Get clear about what’s concerning you. PLAN.

Planning is what leads to powerful action!

We’re best when we focus on one thing at a time, in short, powerful bursts of concentrated, focused work. The best way to set us up for this success is through planning. Quite like having a great morning routine will launch our day, planning will enable our brain to do less “busy” work and help us hone-in on the tasks in front of us.

Planning enables quickness and anticipation for what’s to come. It helps us to visualize the activities that will come over the course of the day. It reduces the need to worry, because we understand the activities that will comprise the outcomes that we’re looking to achieve. A well-planned person is someone that is powerfully and boldly equipped to handle each day.

Reverse Engineering Your Plan

Take this from Danny Southwick, a researcher for the High Performance Institute, and University of Pennsylvania research assistant for Grit author, Angela Duckworth:

“Last November, researchers at Korea Business School and the University of Iowa published an article in Psychological Science showing that people are much likely to accomplish goals when they engage in something called “future retrospection.”

What is future retrospection? Simply put, future retrospection is imagining yourself as if you’ve already accomplished your goal, and then planning backwards about all the steps that you had to take to get there. Doing so increases productivity, motivation, and confidence. Backwards planning also reduces the amount of stress people feel as they pursue their goals.”

You won’t find a bigger proponent of reverse engineering than I, namely because it requires deep thought, visualization and positive emotional reinforcement. You see, visualization should be all about you succeeding, doing and winning in thrilling fashion. It’s self-motivating and empowering. Using your imagination, visualizing and planning takes time and effort.

You must be willing to make your planning become a habit. And you should have the right tools to do it. I realize that tools will differ per each individual. Some of us favor one, single instrument. Others combine and integrate multiple apps or programs into one efficient machine. I tend to mix the digital with the old-fashioned paper journal.

I use Todoist, OneNote and Outlook to keep me planned. I also write out big goals and ideas in a simple journal — paper and pen. OneNote is the basis for my ideas. Todoist is about pure execution of tasks. And Outlook helps me manage my schedule and remind me of appointments and meetings. To get to this point of planning wasn’t easy.

It truly was about forming the habits to become successful. I knew that if I didn’t do this, I’d keep getting mediocre results. When I brainstorm, schedule and plan tasks, I become an efficient machine. And the research backs up why this is the case. Planning programs our minds to be more centered and mindful on completing tasks, while also knowing we eventually need to move on to what’s next.

When we have nothing in front of us, we become idle and our minds start to wander. Sometimes toward great ideas! But oftentimes, toward less helpful or virtuous thoughts.

So back to stress and planning. Habits lead to productivity. Simply put — habits help us to get the job done and do so more efficiently. This gives you more creative time, more time to rest and time for leisure with friends and family. Habits form the cornerstone for a productive life, and they fuel the planning that is needed to propel you forward.

Take this from Charles Duhigg, New York Times bestselling author of the book, The Power of Habit:

“When psychologists have looked at quantum changers, what they found is these are people who suddenly became very deliberate about their habits. There’s something almost magical about understanding how habits work, because studies show that once you understand, once you think about the structure of a habit, it becomes easier to change that habit. And once you change that habit, you start making these small, incremental adjustments to your day that over a year or over a decade can add up to a huge difference.” — Charles Duhigg Source: HBR

You’re on your way. If you’re here, reading this, you’re on your way to doing big-time work. Work that will become the backbone and joy of your life. You need a plan. Know that the importance of the plan leads to the future steps of powerful, lasting results. And before you know it, you’ll be living stress-free, more healthy emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally.

You’ll be living the life that is rightfully yours.

Start Your Game Plan

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The Stress-Free Mindset — Be Quick but Don’t Hurry was originally published in Personal Growth on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

The Guide to Counter-intuitive Living: How to Move Toward Your Fears and Conquer Them

Of all the things that we’re taught in school, the most important lesson of all is one we end up learning in the school of hard knocks: Fear is our lifelong adversary and friend. Fear is what moves us. Fear is what keeps us in our place. Fear is what pushes us backwards. Fear is what scares us. But boy does fear inspire us. Our quest is to learn how this lifelong adversary and friend can both spur us on, and tear us apart.

Think of what an education in life really means. Ask yourself — what does it mean to you?

Is it about getting good grades to get a good job? Is it about getting to know yourself in a truer, more intimate way? Is it about love? Hope? Faith? Knowledge? What are the things that you truly want to comprise your life — system be damned? And what are you willing to do to get them?

Every step of your journey fear will be their by your side. So you better get used to it. And it’s helpful to realize that no matter your path, you will learn as much from fear as you will learn from anything else. It will shape you, but you are also empowered to use it to shape the world around you.

The Education of Life

We learn how to read, learn arithmetic, analyze compounds, elements and more, and yet the most important lessons of life: overcoming fear and adversity, rebounding from mistakes and failures and developing rock-solid personal and professional relationships come outside of our school system. We’re expected to glean these things from parents, friends, even enemies.

But what about when we don’t?

We’re left to our own faculties, which are often unable or inexperienced enough to help us with the things that really matter. A great education will take you far. There’s no doubt about it. But where you really go for the win is when you learn how to meld emotional intelligence into your thoughts and actions.

This piece from Harvard Business Review, by Matt Brubaker and Foster Mobley, takes into account four great ways to combat fear. It’s an excellent step-by-step process to incorporate emotional intelligence and break down four parts of fear and how this cycle manifests itself in our lives:

“Step 1: Acknowledge the Fear: In the acknowledge phase, we suggest that people take a close look at their history and examine the choices they’ve made and the reasons behind those choices.”

“Step 2: Interrogate the fear to better understand it: assess current reality and look at the costs of fear… spen(d) time considering what it would mean if (you)failed at something.”

“Step 3: Choose a different course of action. This is about deciding what to do next and making commitments — understanding what truly matters to you.”

“Step 4: Act on that choice — in a way that aligns with your values. The last step is to deliver on your commitments.”

Attributes like acknowledging, confronting and choosing action and commitment are essential for dealing with fear. This brings out our self-awareness, empathy, self-care and the courage to combat fear. Absolutely essential for living life on our terms.

And yet, so many of us run away from our dreams. Our problem isn’t that we aren’t bold, mindful or thoughtful enough, it’s that we give-in to fear.

Making Your Move

You can also try this simple exercise:

Think about the thing that you love most in life.

This may be your family or loved ones, but cast that to the side for a second and place that into a separate bucket. Think about the thing, hobby, activity or venture that you are most passionate about, that gets you excited, inspired, enthused and that truly lights the fire inside of you. What are the things that give color and meaning to your life?

The things that you dream about, that deep down your intuition, heart and mind are calling you to do?

Now — try this simple exercise: Look back at the past six months. How many times have you moved in the direction of this thing during that time period? In fact — if you were to attempt in hindsight to measure your progress toward that thing that you love, how far have you actually traveled?

What if I told you that all of the successful people that you admire started out from identical circumstances to you? I’m not talking about financial status or class, race or background. I’m talking about the mental and emotional states in life. The fight or flight response to tackling your biggest dreams and challenges.

We either move in the direction of what we want most, or by not advancing — or perhaps even retreating — we stay stuck. We never find out the answer to one of life’s most important questions: What if we actually become who were are destined to be?

It’s never a question of desire. To want or hope begins in our minds. Then, we have to believe that what we want is possible. That’s called faith. By backing faith with enthusiasm, we have formed a firm, rock-solid foundation of emotional and mental well-being. Without this, it’s doubtful you will ever be able to do something great.

The good news is — it’s very likely you already have this. You certainly have this in you, you need to believe and you need to get excited about it.

From this seminal moment — this epic life decision point — is the crossroads of whether you will live the life of your dreams or settle for mediocrity. I don’t mean to sound dour or pessimistic, in fact, far from it. I’m an external optimist. And I’m also hear to tell you that this next step — this willingness and wherewithal to overcome fear — is what will make or break you.

Counter-Intuitive Fight

If you’re willing to fight — you first must be willing to mentally and emotionally prepare yourself to overcome that terrible enemy who threatens to thwart you before you even begin. You must overcome the voice inside your head telling you all of the following lies:

You’re not talented/good/skilled/able enoughYou’re too old OR too youngYou don’t have enough experienceYou won’t know what to do with successYou won’t be able to grow your businessYou’re better off trying something different; this is too tough

And the list goes on. If you’ve ever been there before, please, know that I’ve been and will continue to be right there with you. And so will the greatest success stories in every field and industry all throughout history. No one knows for sure if they’re ever going to make it. Our success and ideas are dependent on whether tens, hundreds, thousands and millions of other people will accept, need or want them!

And no matter how well researched or prepared we are in the market we aim to penetrate, we will never, ever know until we try. Whether our idea is original or unoriginal, we have to give things a shot.

This is why secondly, it all comes down to action. Are you willing to act? Are you willing to go for what you really want? Because if you are, you must turn back to your foundation of desire, faith and enthusiasm. You must not care what others think. You must fight on by using fear to your advantage. This is how to achieve the greatest hopes and dreams of your life.

Face Your Fears

Join my newsletter for ways to improve your life and confront your biggest fears. If you’re interested in working with me try me here .

The Guide to Counter-intuitive Living: How to Move Toward Your Fears and Conquer Them was originally published in ART + marketing on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

The 10 Biggest Lies We Tell Ourselves — And 10 Truths to Overcome Them

The 10 Biggest Lies We Tell Ourselves — And 10 Truths to Overcome Them

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” — Mark Twain

Lies, like fears, are what hold us back from doing great things — truly great things. So, in the abstract, it never makes sense to lie — to ourselves or others. And yet, all of us, at some point of our lives, have, at minimum, told lies to ourselves. “You’re not good enough.” “You aren’t the person you think you are.” And so on. These lies can end up destroying us if we let them.

See, lies can work for a period of time. But intrinsically, they are deceptive. There’s no foundation. Nothing redeeming to sustain them. There’s no truth. Truth is the fundamental principle that is needed for you to believe in anything that you say or do. Truth is where you have to begin.

We’re all taught from a young age to tell the truth for good reason. Love, friendships, business deals, any relationship is inherently based in truth. In case you doubt this, take a look around the people you know in your life right now. Your intuition and heart will let you know if you have a positive, lasting relationship with these people. And furthemore, you will know if your relatinoship is based on candor, authenticity, love, warmth and kindness.

The truth lives in all of these beautiful principles and values.

So why, you ask, do we lie? Lying is a short-term hedge meant to cover-up a flaw. It’s meant to buy us time. But boy, do we end up losing time when we lie. It’s a very slippery slope. Everyone from little children to the elderly need to know that they are dealing in the truth. When someone feels deceived, their defense mechanisms are up. Their mind is forever changed. They no longer believe or trust you. Hope is lost.

Herein, I have listed the 10 biggest lies we tell ourselves. Take a look — let me know if you see some of yourself in there. Because I have the solutions for all of them. Live in the truth and let it set you free.

I won’t be able to sustain my success

Explanation: So, you’ve started running down your dream and you’re doing pretty well. But instead of continuing forward and building upon your previous gains, you become so analytical that it begins to paralyze you. You start questioning yourself, not as much on your past performance, but about what the future holds for what you aim to do. And you stop. You doubt. You begin to crumble.

Solution: Begin with the end goal in mind and reverse engineer your path from there. This limits an anxious, negative kind of future seeking mindset. If you find that your view of the future is limiting in belief and that your mental architecture only builds so far before it self-destructs, plan and do like you already have it. This is the successful path of champions.

I can’t overcome my past mistakes

Explanation: We obsess far too much over the past. The past is there — and we have a memory — to be able to look back, take the lessons with us, extract the positive and keep taking that to move us forward to the present and future. Furthemore, dismiss this notion that you cannot improve your performance. Isn’t this exactly what this lie is about? You mean to tell me you won’t get better?

Please.

What’s done is done. You can overcome anything in life. You need to believe in yourself. You need a great support system. And you need the discipline to focus all of your energy on what you’re doing in this present moment. Mistakes? Yes, we’ve all made a few. And they make us stronger, better, wiser and more resolute — they don’t leave us stuck.

Solution: What if I told you that the most successful people— from the famous (Steve Jobs and J.K. Rowling), to the people that are closest to you — blazed their path by refusing to give up (mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally) in the face of failure, mistakes or adversity. The best stories — the richest, most amazing — are ones where the person refused to give up.

You can always overcome your biggest mistakes. And the best part is, you just have to start believing that this is possible. Start with faith. Then start building again. And keep going.

“Honesty is the first chapter in the book of Wisdom.” — Thomas Jefferson

I have a great idea, but I don’t have the right connections

Explanation: You think that people and relationships will make everything work for you on your path to happiness and success.

Solution: Let me first tell you that knowing influential people helps. But it’s not the be-all, end-all. You have Medium. You have Facebook, Linked in, YouTube and countless digital media platforms at your disposal. These platforms were built with your specific dreams and hopes in mind! They want to give you the platform to voice what you want to say.

If you have a great idea, like many successful entrepreneurs and artists before you, you can give it life and put it out into the world.

You can hold it for yourself. You can invent something. Get a copyright or trademark. And muster up the courage to give it to the world. Begin building relationships. Network first in your immediate circle, begin attracting others through clubs you join, events you can attend at your local library, or take a flyer on attending a seminar or workshop that looks interesting to you.

Get on Linked in and try reaching out to successful people that you think might be willing to entertain a conversation. Not everyone will respond. But maybe the right person will.

That person succeeded, but they did it with luck

Explanation: Luck exists but it’s not often what people ascribe things to or what we think.We create our own luck. From Psychologist Richard Wiseman:

“Unlucky people are generally more tense than lucky people and this anxiety disrupts their ability to notice the unexpected. As a result, they miss opportunities because they are too focused on looking for something else. Lucky people, on the other hand, are more relaxed and open, which means they see what is there.”

Merriam-Webster defines “Luck” as: a force that brings good fortune or adversity. The events, opportunities or circumstances that operate for or against an individual.

Solution: I believe luck is born from opportunity and through the extended arm of others. Good things arrive from the benevolence and goodwill of others, not by sudden, random happenstance. None of us make it on our own, though we do attract greater energy and synergy from the universe when we’re putting forth positive thought vibrations and actions.

We make so much of our own luck. Luck exists. And the harder we work, the more we dream, the more passionate we are about what we’re doing, the luckier we become.

I can continue to partition certain parts of my life (the concept of doing certain wrong things, while basically living a split personality and duality of who you are)

Explanation: This is just straight-up crazy. The straight-laced, successful family man that cheats on his wife. The person who parties all night but still gets good grades. The person who is nice to everyone professionally, yet segregates that from the life they live at home. Perhaps somone with lots of pent-up anger who hits or abuses his girlfriend or children.

If you’re living a double-life, that’s a problem. It may show itself to work in the short-term, on occasion, but you’re deluding yourself if you think this is a long-term strategy for happiness and success. There should be synchronicity to what you do. Rhythm and flow between the different areas of your life.

Solution: You can segregate your work/school life from your personal life (in terms of not necessarily wanting to share aspects of your personal life with colleagues), but be yourself in all circumstances. Be the true you. Be true to your values, principles and morals. And make a daily commitment to earn your keep and develop greater pride and joy around being who you’re meant to be.

“True belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” — Brene Brown

I can’t build the life I want “on the side” because of what others will think

Explanation: What is the cost to you right now to continue living your life in fear?

What is the cost to you right now of kowtowing to the made-up, untrue “thoughts” that others may or may not have of you?

This is the classic worry of someone who’s mind is controlled by fear, anxiety and insecurity. They stop themselves in their tracks because they’re worried what others might think. They start something, then immediately fold their hand because they’re so fearful of what “others” might think. What I think, is that you’ll be surprised to find out that most people are ONLY concerned with themselves.

Solution: When people begin to take notice at what’s going on in the world around them, they often open their eyes to productive, inspirational, motivational, successful and happy people. These are people that build the life they truly want and live it on their terms — other people’s opinions be damned.

Be proud of who you are. If you feel in your heart that you’re an artist, entrepreneur, athlete, whatever, then go for it.

Because the God’s honest truth is no one is stopping you. You’re stopping you. This is one of the worst, most pernicious lies we tell ourselves.

People aren’t really supporting me, they’re laughing behind my back thinking I won’t make it

Explanation: I’ve told myself this lie on a lot of different occasions. Do you want to know when I’ve told it to myself? Every time that I’ve been on the cusp of launching a new life for myself. A new dream.

Writing my first bookLaunching my coaching businessMaking the bold decision to move across the country to attend graduate school (with a lot of unknowns)

So many people play things conservatively. Playing things conservatively in all areas of life is NOT a bad overall life strategy. At least not in the short-term. But in the long-term, it’s a losing proposition. And this is what the people who (may or may not) laugh behind your back never understand. Life is about risk. There is great reward in great risk.

Solution: So when you decide to launch your new business, when you leave that dead-end job to pursue a degree or your dream, when you follow your heart toward true love, even when others disapprove, know that you’re stepping out and breaking the mold of conventional. Follow your heart. Do what you believe. And trust your instincts. You can always change course if you find that what you bet on isn’t a winner.

There’s no shame in that. That’s what smart people do.

Do you. Some people won’t be able to comprehend this. Do it anyway, if your heart is telling you to be bold and strong.

I won’t start a business because mine won’t succeed because so many businesses fail

Explanation: While many businesses do fail, you’re already entering with the wrong mindset. If you enter into ANY situation in life with a pessimistic mindset that lacks confidence, you’ve already lost. Not just halfway — all the way. You have to believe that you’re going to succeed. You also have to do your research. Research the market. Research your product or offering.

Solution: Do the painstaking research and homework that you need to test and test and test to be sure that your business has a viable path to success. Talk to others. Get feedback. Understand what people want. Do case studies of businesses that have both succeeded AND failed. You’l be amazed at how much you learn from failures. You’ll learn what NOT to do. And hopefully, with enough perspiration, hard work and powerful positivity, you will succeed.

There are too many barriers to entry preventing me from giving this dream a shot

Explanation: Entry into a saturated field is not a bad decision. Having an original idea, believing that you can do it better than everyone else eventually, even if you’re not capable of it now, is the best mindset for approaching a new venture. You cannot think that you’re wasting time. This is where you need to steel yourself mentally and emotionally so that you don’t end up being yourself.

Solution: This is why consistency, repetition and belief in yourself matter. The only person stopping you is you — it’s not the industry leaders, it’s not your perceived competitors who are on the journey with you. It’s you.

I wasted time in my earlier years stopping and starting writing for websites like Bleacher Report and HuffPost. I didn’t have what it took at the time to sustain myself to keep going. And I learned from those mistakes. My biggest enemy was me. It wasn’t the competition. I learned that if I wanted to succeed badly enough, I could. And I would. And now, I have.

Have you found a similar pattern in your life? Have you got caught “star-gazing” and concerning yourself too much with how competitive your field is? Whether you’re trying to launch a new social media app, looking to build a digital media company or perhaps launching a new healthcare product, please stop beating yourself up over why you haven’t arrived yet.

I’ll never… (fill in the blank here)

Explanation: You’ll never…

…

have the courage to live your dream?

Yes you will.

Solution: Because you’ll learn that the only thing — the only person that is actually “stopping” you is, you. There’s no competition that is trying to cut you down. Every day, it’s best to begin with a clear mind, receptive to grace and open to limitless opportunities and possibilities. When you have a clear, beginner’s mind, you can shape and mold your thoughts into brilliant ideas.

You can do anything.

Remove the word never from your vocabulary. Actually, strike that last sentence. There’s only one use for the word never, and it’s a very important one. NEVER give up.

Seek the Truth

Join my newsletter and check out my book, The Value of You. This will give you inspiration to start planning for success on your journey. If you’re interested in working with me try me here.

The 10 Biggest Lies We Tell Ourselves —  And 10 Truths to Overcome Them was originally published in The Ascent on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

You’ll Miss 100% of the Shots You Don’t Take

“With great power, comes great responsibility.” — Stan Lee, Spiderman

At the beginning of basketball season, during my senior year of high school, my long-time friend and I were named captains of our team. It was a tremendous honor. My coach and teammates thought enough of us to make us leaders. Now, we had to act like them. Which meant, being fearless in the face of big decisions and opportunities.

Despite naming us as captains, my coach also knew we each had our shortcomings. I had to overcome a fiery attitude. I played angry, I played emotional — and my coach knew it. So we addressed it and figured out how to use it to my advantage.

My co-captain was the ultimate team player. In fact, at times, he was a little too unselfish. During one of our toughest losses of the season, on the road against a rival, my friend missed a layup (a close shot) at a big moment in the game. He felt terrible about it, realizing it was a missed opportunity that could have helped us win the game.

So, my coach made sure he knew that making mistakes were OK. He gave him a gift — one I’ve always remembered and reminded myself of at pivotal moments in my life. It was a statuette of a basketball and inscribed on the bottom it read,

“You’ll never make 100% of the shots you don’t take.”

The words are a double-negative take on the famous Wayne Gretzky quote that is the title of this article. Wayne Gretzky is known universally as the greatest hockey player to ever live. He said these words, as both a great goal scorer and passer, because he recognized what it meant to go for it. Gretzky understood he’d make mistakes.

He recognized he’d fail, fall down and have to get back up again.

Most significantly, “The Great One” knew if he never gave things a shot, he’d have to live with that awful feeling of regret. You know the feeling — where you’re suspended in a dreary thought purgatory, wondering, ‘What could have been?’

Go For It

Gretzky was talented beyond measure, and early on in his career, he was encouraged to become the young leader of the Edmonton Oilers and elevate his game to help make the players around him better. It paid off. Gretzky would go on to win four Stanley Cup (NHL hockey championships) with the Oilers during the 1980s.

I’ve took this lesson with me everywhere I’ve gone. That simple gift meant so much to my friend and it meant a lot to me, as well. It did so much to dash fear, hesitancy and indecisiveness. Three things that can destroy us and halt progress. Indecision and fear, in particular, will stop us from ever achieving the biggest dreams and goals in our lives.

If you “play” with the mindset that making mistakes is OK, that giving things a shot is the right way to go, then you’ll always live with greater confidence. You’ll see positive results. While it helps having a coach, teacher or friend there to help you, that person won’t always be there. Once you’ve matured into the young woman or man you are, you’ll know that making that decision, versus not making one at all, is what it’s all about.

We went on to have a very successful season that year. We learned that mistakes were OK. That we’d always fail, always miss out if we never gave things a shot. It’s always better to give things a shot.

Where Are You?

Maybe you’re on the fence right now about something. Is it fear of asking out the woman of your dreams? Indecision around whether to accept or decline a job? Could be you fear public speaking — or putting your design, writing or art out there for public consumption. Trust me when I tell you, you have to be willing to give it a shot.

There’s an odd comfort in fear. Fear leaves us trapped, but it oddly squashes future fear about giving things a shot. So we sometimes stay there. Stuck in a vicious cycle. When we look at things objectively, it’s foolish to live in fear. The reason we often do — why we don’t give things a shot — is because we often fear success. We fear the unknown — of becoming something bigger, greater and more amazing than we could ever imagine.

Don’t be that person who sits on the sidelines and never gets to know. Give it a shot. Shoot for the stars. Let this be your call to action to move forward with that big decision in your life that’s waiting for you.

Get Started!

Join my newsletter and check out my bestselling book, The Value of You. This will give you inspiration to start planning for success on your journey. If you’re interested in working with me try me here.

This story is published in The Startup, Medium’s largest entrepreneurship publication followed by + 381,862 people.Subscribe to receive our top stories here.

You’ll Miss 100% of the Shots You Don’t Take was originally published in The Startup on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

The #1 Key to Grow the Audience You Want

Our fast-paced instant-gratification digital world is teaching us all the wrong lessons.

It’s me-first. And “you” second. And yet it’s guised in this manner as if to placate you and lead you to believe that it’s all for you. But it’s really all for them. Many people aren’t offering true value. They’re offering a regurgitated version of a reality TV show. One that you may not be able to turn away from, but one that isn’t really helping you.

Want go for the win? Want to truly start building an authentic community that you can interact and grow with, and that can lead to an abundance of great opportunities? Be yourself and give away every ounce of value that you can give without any expectation of anything in return. Do that and you will be on your way to growing and retaining the exact audience that you want.

Social media today teaches us to “sell” others on things that we don’t even believe ourselves. Which leads some to craft personas and images of themselves that are the farthest thing thing from authentic. And yet, the living of the lie continues are they are passed off to others as if they’re the representation of that person’s true self.

The social media landscape isn’t a “a game” like so many people like to say.

It’s a magnanimous opportunity to show millions of people who you really are and why you matter. If you showcase yourself in a way that is true to yourself, and that demonstrates value that others crave, you’ll start to see that the world is buying what you’re selling.

The point of representing yourself for who you truly are is that the opportunities and relationships that you desire most will actually come your way. And when they do, you won’t have to even hesitate in your decision-making to emphatically and enthusiastically say, “YES!!!”

You’ll feel it and you’ll immediately know. Then, you’ll start to say…

“Yes, I’d love to come collaborate with you on this idea for a start-up.”

“Yes, I’d love the opportunity to come build the _____ program at your company.”

“Yes, I’d love to come craft this marketing vision for your organization.”

“Yes, I’d love the opportunity to come speak at one of your events.”

“Yes, I’d love to sign this book deal. When can I begin writing?”

Authenticity

The times that I’ve gotten bad results are the times that I’ve put out a version of “myself” that isn’t really myself. I got caught up in “the game.” I got caught up, like you may from time to time, in the game of writing for likes, comments or offers of whatever. Thank God I discovered this early on and kept this to a minimum. What a colossal waste of time!

The game to win is the one of being your unique self every, single day and producting a product or content that will change the world around you.

That’s the person that others want to see. I know this because every time I’ve gotten up to speak in front of an audience of people and I’ve been myself, I’ve been well received. When I poured my heart out into my book, The Value of You, others saw it as an authentic guide that changed their lives. They thanked me.

Maybe you know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s a “feel” thing that feels SO right when you nail it. And it’s not hard. It’s easy to lean in to who you really are, while dismissing any notions or perceptions of needing to be someone else.

https://medium.com/media/5fe503e5b31c193032c55c4a64665b24/href

Do whatever you’re going to do for the pureness of it — the love of it. You must do this first.

You’ll find that over time, even if you receive adulation, likes and comments, it will become darn-near impossible to sustain the consistency and passion that you need to keep producing great work if you don’t actually love it. Every successful person that I’ve worked with got to where they did because they loved the process of what they were doing.

They were committed and enthusiastic about reaching their goals.

It becomes mentally and emotionally draining to continue doing something that isn’t true to who you are. You eventually run out of ideas. You run out of motivation. You start to doubt yourself more. If your whole platform is built off the likes and attention of others, what in the world do you do when it’s no longer there?

Or when it’s diminished in size?

Do you add more sensationalism? More “shock and awe”? If so, it sounds like you may be operating more like a print journalism operation in the year 2018 than what would be a successful digital representation.

Is being someone else and living a phony life really what you want? Or do you want connection with the customers and fans you aim to attract? What could be better than using your natural skills, talent and passion, and melding those things together to form a product that is authentically you?

Is there anything better than that?

Isn’t that the product that people will want to buy, follow and trek with on their own journey? If it’s real and good enough, yes.

Be A Boss

The world doesn’t like copycats. The world likes originals. People who have a positive attitude, work hard, practice what they preach, then back it up with highly productive output on a consistent basis. When you are achieving this by doing what you love, you have truly acheived the pinnacle of self-actualization, as defined by Abraham Maslow.

You’re a boss. And you have the power of creativity in your heart, mind and soul.

Don’t be fooled by what you don’t have.

Don’t long for something that you don’t really need.

Read the books that stir a passion in your soul. Seek out an education that demands that you challenge your beliefs — one that opens your mind to limitless possibilities.

Discover opportunities that aren’t going to be handed to you on a silver platter — ones where you may have to dig a little bit deeper to find. Opportunities that don’t come with an easy-to-use instruction manual. Ones where you may have to come up with a pitch or unique proposition to gain the attention of the decision maker. Forge your own path. Be a pioneer.

Create relationships that will cause you to become overjoyed with positivity and self-discovery. Find people who help stir excitement, hope, confidence and self-realization inside of you. Then, turn around and add value to those people’s lives. Offer up your services, a listening ear or companionship to them. Help them. Help them help others.

Your end product will be one of delightful self-satisfaction because it will include all of the ingredients that make you, you. Stop searching for ways to replicate someone else’s exact approach toward life. Use them as examples, instead.

The audience you want is identical to the person that you want to be. They want the same thing. The authentic you.

Get Started!

Join my newsletter and check out my bestselling book, The Value of You. This will give you inspiration to start planning for success on your journey. If you’re interested in working with me try me here.

The #1 Key to Grow the Audience You Want was originally published in ART + marketing on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Beautiful. Truly art in its finest form, Natasha Kurien!

Beautiful. Truly art in its finest form, Natasha Kurien!

I read this at exactly the right time. Awesome piece, Dan.

I read this at exactly the right time. Awesome piece, Dan.

The Best Way to Help Someone and Add Value to Their Life

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” — Mahatma Gandhi

A young woman brought her boy from their small Indian village to travel to see the great Mahatma Gandhi. From far and wide, she heard of his open-mindedness, wisdom and generosity. She was in search of knowledge, looking for answers that would help her with a problem she hoped to solve for her son. She was looking for guidance to help solve her son’s addiction.

An addiction to chocolate.

So she was willing to make the quest. Miles and miles, under the searing Indian sun, the woman and her son journeyed to see the wise sage. Days later, she arrived. She mustered up the courage to walk to the great Gandhi’s ashram. Her son stood there, shyly waiting, and the woman opened her mouth and the words flowed out from her lips:

“Wise leader, my son has an addiction to chocolate — and I don’t know what to do. We’ve tried everything and getting him to stop has been unsuccessful. Would you please tell him — you will know, wise one — please tell him to stop and that this is bad for his health?”

Gandhi sat there and listened patiently and with an open mind. He said that he would not give the woman advice about how to break her son’s chocolate addiction. He simply told her to return in two weeks.

The woman was stunned. Nothing? This wise man whose legend she had heard about for years — he offered nothing? And why two weeks? She was baffled, but decided to return to her village with her son. Over days and nights, they traveled back home. The addiction persisted. The woman did not know what to do.

Finally, after two weeks, the woman and child braved the sizzling, humid Indian sun and traveled back to Gandhi’s ashram. She hoped that Gandhi would direct her son to stop. Her wish was granted. Gandhi said:

“Boy, please, stop eating chocolate. It is bad for your health. Listen to your mother and stop at once.”

Hearing Gandhi dispense the directive, the boy dropped his head and with a sullen expression, he nodded. The mother was relieved and she thanked the old sage. They turned to leave and make the trek back to their village. But the woman couldn’t help shake her curiosity. Why did it take him two weeks to tell my son to stop eating chocolate? What did he have to think about?

So she turned back around, faced Gandhi and asked him, “Why did it take you two weeks, oh wise one?

Gandhi offered her a warm smile, looked up and said, “I needed to overcome my own addiction to chocolate.”

Our Greatest Value

This parable reminds us that the greatest help — the greatest value — that we can give to another human being is to lead by example. Our friends, co-workers and superiors aren’t looking for us to give them all the answers. They’re looking to us to lead. You? Me? We’re leaders when we back up our words with integrity. When we do what we say we’re going to do.

When we deliver on the promise of living the life we are destined to live.

If you want to help others, you must always help yourself first. If you want to advise others, be willing to follow your own advice. If you want to do great things in this world, don’t just talk about it. Take action.

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” — Mahatma Gandhi

The great Gandhi refused to compromise his own values. In order for the boy to “do as Gandhi said,” Gandhi needed to first do what he was telling the boy to do. We all want to be influencers and thought leaders who help change the world in our own unique way. But what good are our words and ideas when they’re not backed by action?

We live in a culture where everyone is becoming an “expert” at telling others what to do, while simultaneously not listening and following their own advice.

Do you want to stand out from the crowd? Do you want to become the most helpful, valuable person in your circle of friends? Your industry? The leader that others look to for guidance? Live by your own example. Lead by example. And I assure you, others will follow.

Lead by Example

Join my newsletter for inspiring content. I share resources that will lead you to the life you most desire to live. If you’re interested in working with me, please send me a message and let me know how I can help you.

The Best Way to Help Someone and Add Value to Their Life was originally published in Personal Growth on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Don’t Fear Your Doubts and Insecurities — Let them Drive Your Life

“Criticism didn’t really stop us and it shouldn’t ever stop anyone…” — Paul McCartney

The greatest strides and triumphs of our lives will come when we cast fears and insecurities to the side — by accepting them for what they are — and continue powering forward to what we want most. As John Mayer once sang, “fear is a friend who’s misunderstood.” But fear can also be an enemy. So as we experience the doubts and insecurities of life, we must learn how to harness the energy to both accept and reject fear.

I watched one of my artistic heroes in delight last night on 60 Minutes as he discussed memories, fears, proudest moments and shockingly— insecurities. Few people would think of the greatest icon in the history of popular — and rock n’ roll music — as a man who is insecure. And yet Paul McCartney, at age 76, was here to tell us that he’s human, too.

McCartney was asked what the biggest misconception about him is. Like most of us, we’ll never really know of what others think of us. So, on its head, it was a curious question. But McCartney digested it, thought a bit and said,

I don’t know what people think about me. I can try and guess. I’ll tell you what,

“You must have no insecurities.”

Just like anyone else, you have insecurities. ’Cause everyone has them. And no matter how high and great and wonderful you get, there’s still something will make you worry.”

No matter how high and great and wonderful you get, there will always be worry. Even when you’re the greatest the world has ever seen, you still doubt. You’re still insecure about whether your work, your thoughts or things that you do will resonate and matter. When you’re dedicated to giving the world your absolute best, you will always care. You’ll always worry.

And that’s OK. To fear is human. To worry is, too. Insecure?

Aren’t we all?

This is not a bad thing. The more we disown our human nature, the more we struggle. The more we pretend that we can make it through life without worrying about the good and the bad, the less vulnerable we are. The less we are ourselves. And we should always try to live our best, boldest life — which is being ourselves and striving to get better everyday.

“Our job in this life is not to shape ourselves into some ideal we imagine we ought to be, but to find out who we already are and become it.” — Steven Pressfield

Life isn’t about living someone else’s life — and furthermore, it’s not about pretending to be someone that doesn’t even exist. If you find yourself succumbing to fears and worries on your journey, take solace in the fact that the world’s most talented and successful people find themselves in moments of doubt, just like you and me.

In fact, the more experienced you become in insecurity and fear, the better able you are at mastering it and launching the greatest growth moments of your life.

How do I know? I’ll tell you.

Launching a Dream

My whole life, I wanted to write a book. But I didn’t just want to write a book to say that I was an author. It was never about that. Titles mean nothing. Impact is really what matters. I wanted to write a book that changed people’s lives, offered a glimpse into what it means to do what matters most, and to provide clear definition to why we do, what we do.

The more I dedicated time to self-examination, to thinking of all of my biggest failures and mistakes, as well as my biggest victories and moments of progress, I found very deep meaning in what I needed to do. I motivated and inspired myself to make meaning of my life and to continue doing what I love most: writing in an effort to help others.

I was living my calling. And yet the closer I got to living my dream and publishing my book, The Value of You, the more fear set in. It was crazy. How could it be that the more I immersed myself in what meant everything to me, in certain respects, the more difficult it became? I didn’t have an answer, at the time. But I knew the intensity of the moment was real.

Right before I was wrapping up the editing of the final chapters of my book, I was sitting at my dining room table staring at the screen. For all intents and purposes, I was finished. But I knew there was still just a little bit left. I could feel the doubt starting to set in:

You can’t finish this. Just leave it be. No one’s going to care anyway. You’re not going to be a published author. No one’s going to care.

In a moment of epiphany that I can only describe as sublime, I snapped out of the moment, re-applied myself and powered through the rest of the editing. I was finished. The book wasn’t yet published. But I had just completed living my dream. It was one of the most remarkable feelings I’ve ever experienced, in part because I overcame the feelings of insecurity and doubt and smashed them in their face.

You too will face fear when you commit to a consistent daily approach of doing great work — doing what you love. You must be prepared.

The Battle of Life

In his must-read book, The War of Art, Steven Pressfield talks about the biggest enemy (and sometimes catalyst) all of us will face in life: fear. Fear is our lifelong companion. We can’t shake it. So we might as well live with it. Pressfield asks a timeless question that all of us will need to answer time and time again,

“Are you paralyzed with fear? That’s a good sign. Fear is good. Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do. Remember one rule of thumb: the more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.”

Fear, Insecurities, Doubt. It really depends on which side of the coin you’re looking at.

When I was in the doldrums of insecurity while struggling with anxiety, fear and low self-esteem — which included the loss of a job, the loss of a family member and rejections from publishers — that’s when I really learned the most about myself. It was in those moments that I realized that fear is the biggest fight and battle of our lives. And it will never end.

If we succumb to fear, if we being rationalizing the voice inside our head that tells us to give in to what we don’t really want, we lose big time. We stop fighting and acquiesce, letting the wind take us whichever way it so pleases. We must keep up the fight, and while we won’t always control every outcome, our effort to influence and embrace ourselves for exactly who and what we are at all times, is the epitome of what it means to triumph and persevere.

Fear and insecurities are given life by the voice inside our heads. It’s rare that it comes from others. And frankly, if you’re finding yourself speaking with people who are making you more fearful and anxious, then cut them off. Eliminate those conversations from your life.

Lean In and Do What You Really Want

Insecurities are truly pushing us in the direction of what we really want. It sure doesn’t seem that way, but take a step back and realize the way that you feel when you try to launch your dream and you find your mind leading you astray into doubt. It happens in the blink of an eye. You’ll start to think you don’t really want this thing that drives the passion inside of you each day.

Please. Do what you want. Go after what you want with maximum effort and energy. If you’re reading this and this resonates with you in your personal struggle, then know that this is your time to do that. Don’t get caught up worrying about time or the “*I’m too old” or “I’m starting too late” or “What if it isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be” or “What if I’m not as good as I think I am?”

Those excuses and rationalizations are all fear-based. They’re bull shit.

You may want to create your own website, write a book, perhaps you want to launch a new app that helps increase literacy among children, or maybe you just want to rock on the guitar and write a few songs.

Paul McCartney will tell you that all of us struggle with insecurity. It’s how we both proactively embrace fear, as well as how we react to moments of self-doubt that define our lives. When you view life through this lens, you begin to make the most of your human experience. I think you’ll look back and realize that you’ve learned a tremendous amount about yourself.

Fear can break you, if you let it. But fear and insecurity can drive your life to do things that can literally change the world — and the lives of others for the better. Know your insecurities. Know your fears. Things that will help positively shape the rest of your life.

Find Your Way

Join my newsletter for inspiring content. I share resources that will lead you to the life you most desire to live. If you’re interested in working with me, please send me a message and let me know how I can help you.

Don’t Fear Your Doubts and Insecurities — Let them Drive Your Life was originally published in Personal Growth on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.