Christopher D. Connors's Blog, page 44

The Conflict with Destiny — How to Fight the Fear of Living Your Dream

The Conflict with Destiny — How to Fight the Fear of Living Your Dream

“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” — Les Brown

If life is about discovering our talents and moving toward living in a way that gives them to the world, then why do so many of us walk away from that life? I’ve come to believe that the real problem isn’t so much that we don’t know what our talents are — or we don’t know how to give them away. It’s that we’re scared of going “all in” to a life that demands our best each day.

Our best life involves giving ourselves and our value to others. We could be the world’s most special person, but if we only kept our talents to ourselves, then who would ever benefit? I’d argue that even we wouldn’t benefit! To live and give outwardly, we must begin by empowering our thoughts from the inside. We must overcome ourselves and begin fighting our fears.

Amy Cuddy once said, “We all have felt powerless in the face of great pressure.” Diane Gottsman discusses Amy Cuddy’s journey in a great article for Inc. magazine where Cuddy defines presence as, “ “the state of being attuned to and able to comfortably express our true thoughts, feelings, values and potential.”

Our presence is about our ability to express our most authentic self, without fear and with cognizance for living to our greatest potential. When we live in this frame of mind and continuously remind ourselves that we can live our potential, it’s easier to strip away the fear that holds us back.

Our fears can be exacerbated by negative experiences, sometimes not of our own fault. But they can also be worsened by continuing to make the same mistakes. Sometimes, we give life to the hidden fears inside of us by not focusing on living intentionally with values and purpose.

Once you’ve realized the error of your previous ways and the fruits of all that comes through your current efforts, you cannot possibly want to turn back to a life that left you unhappy and without progress. Think about that — why would we ever dwell in that life at all? Temporary pleasure. Illusions that if we kept going down some track — any track — that it would add up in the end.

In that same piece, Gottsman writes, “ Taking steps to liberate yourself by identifying your top one or two values, writing them down and describing why they are important to you is powerful. The act has a tremendous effect on your feelings, stress levels and hormones.”

Knowing your value means establishing and living your values. These are things like enthusiasm, kindness, discipline, perseverance, faith and hard work. Get familiar with these foundational values and allow them to serve as the springboard that gets you moving toward your destiny.

Stop Guessing and Start Trusting

“Be impeccable With Your Word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.” — Don Miguel Ruiz

Stop guessing at what your future is going to look like. Start trusting that by doing what you set out to do in following your goals and living life with purpose and passion that you will find what you want. I have fought this battle and I’d like to call it, “The Conflict with Destiny.” I thought my life would go a certain way. It hasn’t.

I’ve become more accepting of that because I’ve lived with greater faith.!

Acceptance DOES NOT constitute defeat or giving in!

Acceptance does not equal complacency!!

It simply means that you eliminate the gamesmanship and feeling that you always have to be right in your head, with reliance on power well beyond your control. Be in the moment, everything else will take care of itself. To become more productive and more purpose-driven, eliminate distractions and that which holds you back. A great way to do this is to have a routine.

Heidi Grant writes, “ …many of the most prolific artists, writers, and innovators have become so in part because of their reliance on work routines that forced them to put in a certain number of hours a day, no matter how uninspired they might have felt. [We’re reminded] of renowned artist Chuck Close’s observation that ‘Inspiration is for amateurs. The rest of us just show up and get to work.’”

During moments of emotional lows or feelings of insecurity or inadequacy, remind yourself of the constancy of moving forward with all you have attained — all you have earned through the powerful transformation of your thoughts. Fear and worry about the future are just temporary. All it takes is a look outside of ourselves to realize how much good we have going for ourselves.

The time is always now to reclaim and live the life you want most. You are empowered to do this and no one is stopping you. Learn from the cuts and battle wounds that you have surely acquired along the way. Don’t dwell in immersion of the pain, but move forward with mindfulness and self-awareness, conviction of your thoughts.

It’s so important to place your emphasis on giving your value to other people and giving without any expectation in return. This re-calibrates your thinking and helps you to visualize yourself fighting and overcoming your fears. It gives you the creative license to activate the life that you want for yourself by confidently making decisions and approaching new opportunities with a “I deserve this” mindset.

Make your prioritization about the welfare of others. In so doing, you’ll attract the people who care about your craft and want to be a part of your vision and dream. You’ll find the motivation to continue going even on the days you don’t want to. You’ll also realize that to live the life you’ve always wanted, you must live with faith in the absence of fear, like you never have before.

Create What You Truly Want

I’m helping thousands of people each day build their personal game plan. Join my newsletter , and check out my book HERE!

The Conflict with Destiny — How to Fight the Fear of Living Your Dream was originally published in The Ascent on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Stop Trying to Find Yourself. Create Yourself

People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates. — Thomas Szasz

Several years ago, at the start of my consulting career, I had a manager who wanted to open me up to countless opportunities and possibilities. She cared for my development and knew that I needed exposure to all kinds of work. She told me that it would be best for me to, “sample from the buffet,” rather than to become a specialist in a given area.

As I grew in my career, I remember turning back to her and thanking her for guiding me in the direction she did. But it was the words she said next that I really remembered:

“Now that you’ve grown and gotten started, don’t be concerned with finding your calling. Create the career you want.”

This is a critically important mental shift that every successful entrepreneur, creative, businesswoman and leader must make in their career and life. Focus on creating the life that you want. You have the tools that you need at your disposal. It takes willpower, imagination and desire. You must be willing to be a lifelong learner. Your education starts today.

How to Start Creating Your Life

The only journey is the journey within.— Rainer Maria Rilke

It’s critical for us to break down creating our self by the five popular questions:

Why, How, What, When and Who. This beginning work gives us clarity and definition. Surely, your’e familiar with the Why part. But let’s take a closer look at the other questions to help us determine our course.

How? — How are you looking to grow? Which methods and ways will you follow for creating the life that you want? If you desire to get into television or digital video, then you likely already know your medium. You can purchase a camera, begin starring in your own videos, or producing them for others. You don’t need to ask anyone’s permission to get started.

You can start creating now.

How should focus on the process. It should focus on the “vehicles” that you will use to take you where you want to go.

When? — What are you putting off today that you can get started on? The When question is all about timing. If you have a very busy life and schedule now, maybe you don’t have the time for a creative endeavor. So, look at your schedule and identify when you will. If you know you’re making excuses, then snap out of it and start coming up with solutions. What’s your excuse?

Chances are, you do have the time. You simply haven’t chosen to prioritize. Once you make time for beginning a new venture or creating a new image for yourself, you’ll realize the boldness of this power and the creative juices will start flowing.

Who? — Which part of you are you looking to grow? You may have the physical part of things down, but emotionally you could benefit from boosting your emotional intelligence. Or perhaps you’re looking to become a better writer. Maybe you want to read more books. Who are you now, and who do you want to become?

What? — The what is about visualization. There’s a reason that visualization is so important. Because it puts us at the finish line. It enables us to see the end-result, so we can get really great at reverse-engineering and crushing it on executing the process. Focus on one thing. It will help you get started faster and with greater clarity.

Why? — Why are we looking to grow? What is the purpose? We may have more than one purpose. But it should be something that amounts to a true “Why” for living. Before we commit ourselves to expend our most precious resource (time) we should always know why we’re doing what we’re doing. The Why question is imperative to answer.

Knowing your Why will dramatically reduce wasted time and unnecessary effort. It will move you much faster toward your goals.

Don’t be Afraid to Fail

Any time that you’re looking to create something, you’re going to be taking on risk. The more risk that you take on, the greater likelihood that you will have temporary setbacks. A temporary setback is a failure that you grow and profit from. It’s important to embrace a willingness to make mistakes and to know that failures are a part of everyone’s journey.

Dr. Alan D. Castel writes in Psychology Today:

“You will remember things for a longer time if you are first lost in the learning process, and then discover a deeper understanding of what you are learning. The same is true for most life challenges — we often remember challenges and mistakes we made, and what was learned from these failures. Sometimes a little failure early in the learning process can be a good thing.”

Don’t be afraid to fail. Be concerned if you’re unwilling to keep going once you do fail. This is where the importance of being a lifelong learner comes in! We become more self-aware if we’re willing to put in the work, invest in ourselves and refuse to accept the status quo. None of us are doomed to a particular fate if we’re willing to step-up and fight for what we want.

Don’t live your whole life behind the comfortable confines of a computer screen. You may be able to meet your boyfriend or wife online. You can start a business online. But don’t live your entire life online. There’s nothing quite like real personal connection — right in your community, right where you are — that will elevate you and lead to opportunities that you wouldn’t have had otherwise.

The ideal that we’re working toward is to have a symbiotic relationship between our personal and professional lives. One where the person we are with our family and friends is similar in virtue, desires and values to the person we are in our professional work and ambition. This is really the foundation for creating yourself.

Thoughts on Purpose

“ Satisfaction and success come from doing things you are meant to do and doing them for the right reasons. You have the chance to pursue your life calling. However, you must reflect internally before moving forward. When we know ourselves, we grow ourselves.”

I’ll conclude with saying that I’ve found my purpose in life by creating and doing, not by spending too much time drafting and planning the perfect life. I say this not to diminish the importance of planning. I say this because sooner or later, you need to jump in to the deep-end of the pool.

It took me a while to figure this out. I’m a dreamer. A futurist. I’m someone who loves to imagine and become the architect for big, robust plans. But I’ve also learned that we have to put ourselves out there and get started. I’ve also learned that I have several purposes for my life. I don’t just want to be a bestselling author and entrepreneur.

I want to be a great father and family man. Take this from author, John Coleman:

“Most of us will have multiple sources of purpose in our lives… [Mother Teresa served the poor as part of what she believed was a higher calling. Marie Curie, the Nobel prize–winning scientist, was also a devoted wife and mother (she wrote a biography of her husband Pierre, and one of her daughters, Irene, won her own Nobel prize).]

For me, I find purpose in my children, my marriage, my faith, my writing, my work, and my community. For almost everyone, there’s no one thing we can find. It’s not purpose but purposes we are looking for — the multiple sources of meaning that help us find value in our work and lives. Professional commitments are only one component of this meaning, and often our work isn’t central to our purpose but a means to helping others, including our families and communities.” Source: HBR

Think about those multiple sources of meaning for you. Think about how they tie back to the five core questions above. And then, get started on creating the life that you’ve always wanted for yourself!

Create What You Truly Want

I’m helping thousands of people each day build their personal game plan. Join my newsletter , and check out my book HERE!

Additional Writing

The Best Advice You’ll Ever Receive on Personal Growth

The Formula that Leads to Wild Success — Steve Jobs

Stop Trying to Find Yourself. Create Yourself was originally published in ART + marketing on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

This is The Secret for Long-Term Success

“It’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.” — Muhammad Ali

Show up, show up, show up. Keep showing up. Every day.

Repetition is the most important principle for furthering yourself in your given craft or professional venture. Repetition beats down fear. It creates a routine, a repertoire that adds structure and wholeness to your life. It pieces everything together when you’re doing work you believe in, that adds value to your life and the life of others.

Repetition is no secret. So maybe you’re thinking, “Yeah, Chris, I know, I’ve heard this before.” It’s not that you don’t know. It’s that you need a reminder. And a push. And a process. I do, too. Repetition is equal parts dedication and persistence. Just talking about it or learning that successful people use this principle doesn’t matter. All that matters is if you use it and find success.

Quality always matters most. But using that as a given, it is consistency and repetition. Consistency is coming every day to represent yourself in your job, entrepreneurial venture, side hustle or creative art. Repetition is the “consistency within the consistency.” Repetition is driven by simply beginning then, repeating the process and refining your approach in a continual effort to improve.

Breaking it Down

Whatever we plant in our subconscious mind and nourish with repetition and emotion will one day become a reality. — Earl Nightingale

Here’s the definition of repetition:

Repetition: the act of repeating, or doing, saying, or writing something again; repeated action, performance, production, or presentation. (source: dictionary.com)

These are the key ingredients that comprise repetition:

Confidence Faith Work Ethic Determination Fortitude Persistence Dedication

Repetition is the drive we need if we are to accomplish the dreams inside that we constantly think about. It’s not always sexy. Sometimes, this is the part that simply isn’t very fun. But it is repetition that separates any successful entrepreneur, writer, software developer and marketer from the rest of the pack.

As I’ve written about previously, great ideas, alone, are not enough! It takes moxie, fortitude, faith and an unrelenting game plan. This is driven by your passion, faith and intelligent work ethic — one that believes in who you are and what you can become.

How Repetition Applies

“To become really good at anything, you have to practice and repeat, practice and repeat, until the technique becomes intuitive.” — Paulo Coelho

Once you get the ball rolling, you’ve made progress. Great! You just published your first article on Medium. You’ve gotten some page views. Now what? Post another one when the inspiration and creative juices get flowing. But please, don’t ever stop.

Maybe you’re playing guitar or the piano for the first time. You just bought your first instrument with your own money. Stay on those lessons! Play every day. Never turn down the opportunity for a gig, and the chance to learn from great players. Once you get the hang of things, eventually, why not record a demo at a professional studio?

Have a smartphone? Record yourself in great lighting and post it to YouTube. That won’t cost you a penny. Only time.

What about if you want to become known as an expert in your field? Say you love craft beer. You want to start your own brewery. Become a key player in this field by studying industry trends, reading blogs and even researching what makes great craft beers by style — whether IPA, Vienna lager or Hefeweizen. Travel. Keep learning and finding out what you need to.

Repeat this process with your approach and desire to grow each day.

Strategy and Timing

I encourage you to set up a weekly strategy and schedule for two reasons: One, having a strategic approach is important. For my writing, I establish a content strategy of topics I want to focus on, which helps me research, come up with ideas and determine what adds the most value to you, the reader. The schedule is all about accountability. Planning holds you accountable.

When you find the times that work best for you, this is where you need to block out distractions and discipline yourself. So if your boyfriend wants to turn on that new Netflix show at 9:14pm, and you’re planning to go to bed at 11:15, realize that you have a huge decision to make. Do you watch the show or focus on your thing?

You realistically have 1 hour and 45 minutes of time, of course before you need to wash your face, brush your teeth and tuck in under those warm covers! Will that be productive time for your craft or entertainment time? There’s no right answer, on any given night. Only you will know.

Which will you choose?

We all need time with our loved ones and in building relationships. But we need time for ourselves. We need time to “get our reps up.” Those 105 minutes are your time. This is often the difference between living life on your terms or someone else’s. Because results are all that matter, in the end. “It’s the thought that counts” matters for greeting cards.

Keep getting your reps up. Find your thing, produce high-quality work. Then, focus on consistency and repetition. Keep Going — every day!

Live Boldly!

Contact me via my website here and join my newsletter for awesome updates!

This is The Secret for Long-Term Success was originally published in The Startup on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Anna Rozwadowska I agree!

Anna Rozwadowska I agree! Great teaching points to help us learn what to take with us and what to leave behind!

What Do You Do When No One’s Watching? A Short Lesson on Character

“The true test of a man’s character is what he does when no one’s watching.” — Coach John Wooden

As much as life’s success is about being proactive and creating opportunities, it’s equally about eliminating mistakes. This is true in the world of sports, business, art and in how we handle our everyday affairs.

Ingenuity and creativity will spur us on to a lifetime of freedom and happiness. They will give us the liberty to explore our humanity and to give life to new opportunities. We should always explore ways to expand our imaginations and learn new things. Any effort that we have everyday to grow personally and professionally, we should take advantage of and pursue.

Likewise, we should be shrewd in determining ways to not hide our weaknesses, but remedy them. In the personal development time that we should all allocate to our days and weeks, it’s how we determine to spend this time that will go a long way toward how we build our character.

Self-examination, coupled with constructive feedback from others, will give us the tools that we need to analyze and figure out what things we need to fix. What are the “turnovers” of life that we’ve committed that we must correct in order to get better and reach our potential? What things are we doing poorly or not well, that we need to get rid of or improve?

It’s not just about our output. It’s about reducing bad output to have a better overall final score.

A Story to Tell

Coach John Wooden famously taught all of his players how to put their socks and shoes on at the beginning of every basketball season. This was at UCLA, a school that was winning the college basketball national championship nearly every season! First off, Wooden understood that the fundamentals of the game were so important. Why not start at the very basic level?

But even more pertinent, he was trying to give them every advantage that he could. He was attempting to reduce their mistakes. The silly, often overlooked turnovers that can detract from our overall performance.

Think about it — you may deliver a fantastic presentation at work.

But what if you follow that presentation by not preparing for the next assignment that comes your way? And the next time — your effort is poor? All of a sudden, after raising the bar high, you’ve lowered things back down and created inconsistency. That trust and praise you earned all of a sudden needs to be weighed against a bad performance, one where your boss may start to question your whole package of output.

You may write an excellent article.

But what if you don’t begin again? Or when you do, what if you don’t put your best effort into it, thinking you can simply skate by on past performance?

You may ace one of your exams.

But if you don’t study for the next one, or if you do a rush-job of cramming at the last minute and get a D, then what? You “turned the ball over” and you’re back at average.

Your character and your ability to apply yourself with consistency are inextricably linked. Great leaders and performers are consistently great. This begins with a positive, growth mindset and is backed-up by a hard, intelligent work ethic. It’s not a sometimes thing. It’s an ALL the time thing.

It happens in the workplace. It happens at home. It’s an all the time thing when you’re dealing with friends or in public at events. And perhaps most significantly, it’s the way you behave and act when you’re the only one who’s watching. That person you look at in the mirror. They’re going to want to know whether you held yourself accountable and to a higher standard of conduct and performance.

When you can honestly and truthfully say that you’ve done your best, that you’ve given your all, and that you’ve consciously made the effort to eliminate the negatives that hold you back, you’ll know you’re on the journey to greatness.

Join Me

Join my newsletter and check out my bestselling book, The Value of You. This will give you inspiration to start planning for success on your journey. If you’re interested in working with me try me here.

What Do You Do When No One’s Watching? A Short Lesson on Character was originally published in The Ascent on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

The Feeling of Achievement — 10 Ways Celebrating Success Improves Your Life

https://www.pexels.com/photo/person-spreading-hands-against-sun-847484/The Feeling of Achievement — 10 Ways Celebrating Success Improves Your Life

Love what you do. Live for what you do. Pour your heart, soul and all you’ve got into it. But for goodness sake, celebrate yourself when it’s merited and deserved.

Many people are so immersed on their journey toward stardom and greatness that they’re losing the small battles along the way. Day-by-day and inch-by-inch, they’re losing encouragement and hope. The road to success for most people is a long one. Forget what our media and instant-gratification society try shovel-feeding you — you won’t become a star overnight.

Even the people that we admire so much — superstars like Oprah Winfrey, Beyonce, Ed Sheeran, LeBron James — all of these successful multi-millionaires needed to take the long, winding road to success. And all of them needed to celebrate every win along the way.

Which is why it’s so important to find something that you love. Find something that you love so much, it will sustain you even when you can barely muster the strength to pull yourself out of bed and slink down on the couch to watch Netflix. But by all means, celebrate what you’ve accomplished. Don’t get self-conscious. Don’t get into the whole false-humility thing. Celebrate yourself when you’ve done something great.

Because you should always be proud of your biggest and boldest accomplishments.

The words above are as much for my coaching clients and readers. We all need this reminder for a variety of reasons:

It may seem audacious to celebrate ourselves only from the framewwork of concern of what others may think of us celebrating our own (or shared) successWe’re so focused on the grind, we’re concerned about getting distracted or wasting timeWe simply don’t think it’s important; we view it as perfunctoryWe already assume we have all the motivation we needWe think it’s contrived or manufactured inspiration

So many people tell me that they’re unwilling to celebrate because they’re so focused on the process. Well, before long, if that’s the case, you may go a whole lifetime without taking a bow and sharing a good laugh and smile at all the wonderful things that you’ve done!

It took me a long time in my life to realize how important celebrating wins are, but one year later, after the release of my first book, The Value of You, I know how special it is. Even when my book was first published, I had to overcome the fear of self-promotion and putting myself out there. It’s not something that comes natural to me, and it’s the part of “success” that I like the least.

But it’s essential. If you can’t sell yourself, no one else will do it for you. If you’re unwilling to celebrate your biggest accomplishments, how will you know what the finish line really looks like? Every great venture has both a starting line and a finish line. To begin, you need to be committed. To finish, you need to be consistent. And when you finish, you should celebrate all the hard work, dedication, sweat, tears and energy you’ve spent on achieving your big dream.

There’s not a whole lot out there about what celebrating your biggest goals and dreams does for you, so I wanted to share what I’ve experienced and what I’ve observed from coaching and learning from highly successful people:

1. Enthusiasm

Celebrating success gives us a shot of the necessary value of enthusiasm — or fire, as I like to call it. It completes the cycle! Enthusiasm rejuvenates our souls, giving us the passion and power to keep moving forward for the next challenge. Every great venture begins, is sustained and powered by enthusiasm. Having a passion for what you do is essential if you want to do great things.

Chester Elton and Adrian Gostick, authors of The Carrot Principle and All In, point out the importance of celebrating in a team environment. The benefits of camaraderie and encouragement are currency that go a long way toward engendering a culture of togetherness and optimism:

As Elton and Gostick note, “Cheering is unifying. It creates an atmosphere of camaraderie and a willingness to accept each other and buoy one another. It acknowledges that each person on the team, by himself, will be unsuccessful unless everyone works together in a balanced, concerted effort.” Source:

2. Confidence

Confidence is two-fold — first, I start with self-confidence. Your achievements should always bring out the best inside of you. They should build you up and help you believe that you can achieve the next goal in front of you. Confidence also comes in the belief and trust that other people place in you. Great opportunities and prosperous new relationships come to those that have achieved, because other people feel safe in placing their confidence in that person.

Earlier this year, I remember reading this message that LeBron James wrote on his Instagram page. It was an image of himself in high school, and he wrote it “in the future” to himself. It was a rare insight into the importance of celebrating oneself. It might be easy to think how self-serving this is, but I truly don’t interpret it that way.

We all need to remind ourselves sometimes of just how far we’ve come. Here is his post:

“Wanna be one of the first to Congratulate you on this accomplishment/achievement tonight that you’ll reach! Only a handful has reach/seen it too and while I know it’s never been a goal of yours from the beginning try(please try) to take a moment for yourself on how you’ve done it! The House you’re about to be apart of has only 6 seats in it(as of now) but 1 more will be added and you should be very proud and honored to be invited inside. There’s so many people to thank who has help this even become possible(so thank them all) and when u finally get your moment(alone) to yourself smile, look up to the higher skies and say THANK YOU! So with that said, Congrats again Young King”

Notice the gratitude and celebration. It’s a wonderful encapsulation of what it means to honor ourselves before we move on to the next goal.

3. Belief

Faith, meaning the belief in yourself and the belief in the people around you, grows exponentially when you succeed. Only you will really know all the hours you spent working toward starting a business, writing a screenplay, deliving a killer presentation, graduating college or lifting someone else up and making a huge impact in their life.

When you’ve done this, you start to believe that you can continue to keep doing it. For the benefit of yourself and others.

4. Commitment

Similar to the mental and emotional part of building up your faith, commitment is both proven in accomplishment and continued in the desire to turn to what’s next. This is where the love of “the process” matters. Commitment enables you to begin… and begin…. and begin… and, well, you get the point.

Commitment is strengthened and emboldened through celebrating something special.

5. Consistency

For one thing- you should consistently celebrate your achievements! But that’s not why I have this here. The consistency of applying yourself to a task or tasks, seeing it through and bringing the same powerful energy, purpose and focus every day is what makes success possible. The repetition of this mindset and approach is always worth of celebrating in the end.

It’s how everything awesome is possible.

6. Nerve

If you know what it feels like to do something great, then you know what that little smirk and chip on your shoulder feels like. What do I mean? That nerve. That warm, bold sensation inside of you that is building and telling yourself, “Maybe I’m just crazy enough to do this again. Maybe I should go after something bolder.”

I think of The Beatles. By the time Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band was released, the band had already accomplished more than anyone could ever dream of in 100 careers. And yet, here it was, an album that many consider to be the greatest in the history of rock n’ roll. Not only that, they weren’t finished.

They continued to keep releasing more stellar albums! Just when you thought they couldn’t get much better, they still had Let It Be and Abbey Road up their sleeves. It was time to celebrate their achievement, then it was time to move on to the next great thing.

When you find something you love, keep going after it. Maybe you’ve launched your first business. Maybe now, you want to try a whole new venture that will push you to the limits of challenge and comfort. Why? Because you know in your heart that you can. You have the nerve to give it a shot and see what happens.

7. Happiness

This one is simple. Per Eric Barker in Time magazine:

Next time something good happens, stop whatever you are doing, give it a second and appreciate that moment…The happiness researchers call it “Savoring.”

I once coached a client who was only one year removed from being an analyst, who suddenly found himself in a director-level position for a major government agency. He had undersold himself and didn’t know what was possible. When he finally realized that he had all the tools to be successful, he decided to start acting with more confidence.

He began celebrating every win. He was so much happier inside. His happiness boosted his self-esteem, energy level, optimism and confidence. It literally carried him into a corner office job. All because he was willing to celebrate the climb up each rung of the ladder.

8. Shared Celebration

Celebration can be for ourselves. And it can be shared with others. It literally lifts up our emotions to take part in something communal, something shared with other people. Take this from, The How of Happiness:

Sharing successes and accomplishments with others has been shown to be associated with elevated pleasant emotions and well-being. So, when you or your spouse or cousin or best friend wins an honor, congratulate him or her (and yourself ), and celebrate. Try to enjoy the occasion to the fullest. Passing on and rejoicing in good news leads you to relish and soak up the present moment, as well as to foster connections with others.

9. Peace of Mind

I don’t know about you, but when I haven’t stopped to enjoy life’s big and small wins, I find myself anxious, depressed and unhappy. It becomes easier to dwell on what I haven’t done. Which is crazy. It’s the classic half-empty mindset that usually doesn’t get us anywhere but stuck and frustrated.

Here’s the truth that all of us can accept: not everything that we’ve touched has turned to gold. And not everything we create and build will. I’ve done things I’m proud of, but I’ve also had my failures and mistakes. Maybe you know the same feeling. The difference is, it’s one thing to dwell on these things. It’s another to look them in the eye, extract what lessons we can from then, and move on.

It’s a far better investment of our time to focus on the positive and to reflect with joy and happiness on the wins! Celebrating the wins boosts self-esteem, not arrogance. Does it stroke our ego? Surely. But if you have enough discipline and self-confidence, you don’t allow the feeling of achievement to go to your head in such a way that it convinces others that you’re one big, self-absorbed egomaniac.

Rather, as a testament to your character and virtue, people get to see you as someone who is self-assured, happy and at peace with who they are. Celebrating takes away wthe worry. In so doing, it gives you needed peace of mind.

10. Lift Someone Else Up

Knowing that you’ve achieved something great and celebrating that win should inspire you to lift someone else up. Scratch that — for every great achievement that you’ve had, work by the principle of multiplication.

Lift several other people up. With the social media world at our fingetips, we have no excuse! Be willing to celebrate and take part in the achievements of others! Chances are, you had that someone there for you who made you feel special. Could be a mentor, coach, colleague or friend. You know how great that feeling is.

Why not give someone else the same tremendous opportunity?

Isn’t that so much of what life should be about? It encourages us to think more about the reason for why we should want to do what we do. If we want to be the change we see in the world, we should be willing to influence others in a positive way by sharing the greatness and exhilaration of what we’ve done. Celebrate yourself. And celebrate others. You’ll gain some amazing allies in the process.

Make it Work

Join my newsletter and try me here if you’re interested in working with me.

The Feeling of Achievement — 10 Ways Celebrating Success Improves Your Life was originally published in The Mission on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

You bet, AJ! Thanks a lot for your kind words and for letting me know!

You bet, AJ! Thanks a lot for your kind words and for letting me know!

All my best- Chris

5 Ways to Build Powerful Relationships

Meaningful, mutually beneficial relationships are what lead to growth and tremendous opportunities. As much as we seek to advance our own cause or profit, we learn in life that we elevate ourselves most when we seek to advance the cause and goals of the people we meet. This principle of the law of reciprocity is so important that we must lead with giving value to others if we aim to receive value in return.

So many people jump right in to trying to make money or “living the dream” without building relationships. Or worse yet, once they work to “build” a relationship, they do so under the guise of mutually beneficial gain, while only concerning themselves in thought and action with themselves.

Speaking from experience, I’ll tell you that you’re worse off if you ever succeed in doing this. Because sooner or later, the joke will be on you, and you’ll find yourself worse off than where you began.

Whether you’re an entrepreneur or freelancer, or whether you’re the founder of a start-up looking to scale your business, you will discover that you need relationships to survive. We need people to lean on in times of adversity and lost hope. We need people to coach and mentor us when we don’t know the way. We need people to open doors for us that otherwise would remain closed.

We need people who care to motivate, inspire and enable us to see in ourselves the image — the person — that we’ve always wanted to become.

Business. Life. Personal and Professional Growth are about relationships. Here are five proven ways to build powerful, lasting relationships that yield value for each person.

1. Give without expecting anything in return

This advice is timeless because it is the single-best way to build relationships and positively influence people. When you’re meeting with someone, show them what you can do for them. Don’t just tell them. If you want someone to experience meaningful value, give it to them and do so with maximum impact.

This is so significant because it flips the paradigm so many people operate under: Many people are unsuccessful at building relationships because they’re only in it for themselves.

Well, guess what? If the world worked that way, none of us would get anything! This is a narrow-minded focus and it doesn’t work in business or in personal relationships. So, don’t just think about giving value to others. Show them. Prove to them what value you can give them. Think about something that you’re good at. What expertise do you have? What knowledge can you share with someone else that will enrich their life?

It’s wise to go into a meeting or conversation with an objective of what you want to get out of it. I think you’ll find that you’ll have so much more if you lead with generosity and service instead of only focusing on your own wants and needs.

2. Show someone that you care

Have a passionate curiosity around learning more about the people you already know, as well as the people you haven’t met yet. A great way to start here is to think about the things you admire in other people. What people in your life — or famous people — do you look up to? Paint a very clear picture and visualize in your mind what it is about them that makes you curious and enthusiastic about wanting to know them.

From there, you can develop questions. You can become a detective. Get to know them. Schedule time to get on their calendar and meet at a time and location that is convenient for them. Ask them questions.

What makes them tick?

How do they define success?

What do they love?

What do they really want out of life?

When you’re curious and inquisitive, your enthusiasm and passion show. In other words — the best parts of you show. Isn’t that how you want to represent yourself?

3. Find a common bond (past) and determine how to leverage that to grow with that person (future)

The pieces of who we are form and assemble from our past. Connections, impactful moments, ways that we self-identify, these are formed from the experiences of our past. Find a common bond that you share with someone else. It could be an alumni connection, sports league or hobby that has been a huge part of your life.

Think about what you might have in common, then listen. Focus on the other person and give that person your undivided attention and you will realize the importance of listening. Keep your ears open and you’ll discover themes in their story or their experience that might crossover with your own.

In order to build with someone into the present and future, we have to know where they’ve been. Maybe we’ve shared experiences and dreams that are very similar.

4. Take that meeting with someone successful, even if you think YOU won’t get something out of it.

There’s always something to learn. I don’t believe, at least in short-term theory, about Mark Cuban’s advice about only taking a meeting for money. For one, that’s a very short-term strategy and way of looking at things. But hey, maybe that’s the way one feels when they become one of the richest people in the world!

But it’s not the way I feel, because I’ve learned so much from taking meetings and getting mentoring and advice from others. Successful people are usually willing to share how they’ve gotten to where they have. Listen up and go in without your own agenda. You may come out with more wisdom than you could have imagined.

5. Be mindful and on the lookout for innovative ideas and opportunities

Last but not least, become adept at reading between the lines. We don’t always know what we’ll hear. That meeting we take that might have originated under the auspices of trying to find a new job, might lead to the idea that helps us frame-up the purpose and mission for our lives.

Be opportunistic. Keep an open-mind and you will never go wrong. Live by values and LEAD with values. Be true to you word. Be a person of integrity. I’ve created and cultivated powerful relationships by following these five principles. They’re yours to use. You’ll flourish if you put them into practice.

Show the people around you that you care about them and that you’re willing to put them first. This is the mark of a true leader. Great leaders are vulnerable and unselfish. Ultimately, they thrive by exhibiting this behavior and in so doing, they earn the respect of all.

Build the Life You Want

Join my newsletter where I share inspirational and content and tools that will help you build the life you want. If you’re interested in working with me try me here .

This story is published in The Startup, Medium’s largest entrepreneurship publication followed by +388,877 people.Subscribe to receive our top stories here.

5 Ways to Build Powerful Relationships was originally published in The Startup on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Things Will Work Out. They Always Do

A look at Faith and Perseverance and Why They Matter

“The biggest human temptation is to settle for too little.” — Thomas Merton

Through every peak and valley of our lives, faith and perseverance will continue to be the two biggest keys that permit us to move forward. Our goal is to make progress, to keep advancing and to keep furthering our human potential. Believing in ourselves and believing that things will work out in our favor is a great beginning. Continuing on course to victory is how we finish.

When I speak at confererences and at events, very often I’m asked after a talk about the best piece of advice I’ve ever received — or words of wisdom that have always stuck with me. I realize that I turn back to maxims or words that often boil down to very foundational values and principles. This one from my Dad resonates with me:

“Things will work out. They always do.”

I’ll admit, at first blush it may seem like this is the ultimate “I don’t have any control, so I surrender to the unknown” way of living. And yet, it’s actually not. Far from it. Simple. Impactful. Full oc control. Faith and perseverance are two things that we can control. Faith — particuarly faith in ourselves — is fundamentally a function of our attitude.

We can choose to believe, or we can choose not to. Perseverance is all about a willingness to see things through, to envision things positively working out even if they don’t work out exactly the way we thought they would.

The more I’ve advanced in my career, the more I’ve realized the wisdom of these words. For those of us have a future-seeking, opportunistic mindset, these words matter a great deal. When you’re already confident and self-assured that things will work out in your favor, your mind is at ease and more focused to achieve your goals.

A few years ago when I took the StrengthsFinder strengths assessment, I ended up with “Futuristic” as my number one strength. What’s crazy is that sometimes, I think of that as a weakness and not a strength! It can sometimes lead to a feeling of inadequacy or pressing. And yet, it’s also my biggest asset.

What about for you? What do you find to be your biggest strength? Can you see how this can sometimes be a weakness in some circumstances?

My Dad has always encouraged me not to sweat the small stuff. And to keep the big picture in mind. Whatever you’re choosing to do today, begin with victory. This is why I’m such a huge proponent of reverse-engineering. You already have the prize, you just don’t know it yet. Build from that. Stay self-assured, resolute and confident. Things will work out. They always do.

Building with Faith

“You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.” — Steve Jobs

Things may not always work out the way we originally thought or envisioned, but that doesn’t mean they don’t work out. Often, they’re far better than originally expected. This is why modifying, improvising and changing things up is all about! Just because we thought things would happen one way, then didn’t, doesn’t mean we should get distressed and give up.

In some instances, maybe we haven’t aimed high enough. Maybe we set the bar too low. Aim as high as you can, within reason. Why aim lower? This doesn’t mean to set unrealistic goals that end up in disappointment. This means to set powerful targets for achievement in front of you that promote an attitude of expectancy!

What does this mean?

Optimism. Hope. Encouraged confidence. An attitude of expectancy charges our battery with the inspiration, belief and fuel to lead us to work that we love. To moments that will continue empowering us to move forward.

Dr. Jeremy E. Sherman writes in Psychology Today:

“We work from the evidence at hand to (place) confidence in a bet we think will work. And work is the point of faith: Only so many hours in the day and we don’t use them just for wondering, but for doing focused work. Since most things take concerted effort and time, we need to focus. Focused work is concentrated work, work based on consistent bets on what will work.”

I like to think of this as small bets — small, continuous bets of faith on ourselves to continue pushing forward.

Finishing with Perseverance

“In the realm of ideas everything depends on enthusiasm… in the real world all rests on perseverance.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

What are you compromising with in your life today? What are you settling on that is not even close to good enough? Don’t settle, even when the results don’t appear right away. Because in so many instances, they don’t show themselves in as timely a manner as we think they should. The results that we desire won’t always reveal themselves immediately.

I’ve come to realize, this is one of the biggest reasons why so many people give up. It’s not a loss of hope. It’s not a loss of faith. It’s not even fear, because when we keep working and stay positive, fear eventually subsides.

So many people give up because they expect to receive an output in very short order after an input. When you’re raking leaves and looking to create a leaf pile, that may work out for you. But when you’re trying to grow ideas or influence, build a business, do things that are less linear, and perhaps more abstract, you’ll find that the results often come several iterations down the road.

If you crave structure, then you’ll want to find yourself working within an environment that is giving you outputs with efficiency. If you’re willing to tolerate more risk, less definition, yet with greater reward, I encourage you to stay the course for what you believe. Could be your own writing career. Maybe it’s launching your own business.

Don’t get discouraged if the results don’t immediately appear. Things have a way of working themselves out for those who continue to apply what they’ve learned, what they believe and what they desire to do every day.

Stop beating yourself up and hurting on the inside because you perceive that you haven’t done enough. We should all be great competitors and looking to best our best efforts, but we shouldn’t go crazy in the process with worry. Allow yourself to give things up to faith. Keep going to see things through to a result you desire.

If you’re willing to stick it out and believe, you’ll find that life continue to unfold in your favor.

Make it Work

Join my newsletter and check out my bestselling book, The Value of You. This will give you inspiration to start planning for success on your journey. If you’re interested in working with me try me here.

Things Will Work Out. They Always Do was originally published in The Ascent on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

How to Break the Habit of Inaction

“Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.” ― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

You know that stare? Well, you actually only realize it in hindsight.

When you find yourself gazing out the window, or at the small corner of the wall, or up at the ceiling. You’re so fixated on that one space, as if it were reeling you in, looking to talk to you or maybe even advise you. Once your consciousness comes back, you realize that you were lost in a moment. An imaginative glimmer in time.

Something has preoccupied you. Perhaps good, perhaps bad. But it’s preventing you from action.

Whatever past idea, struggle, thought, inspiration, missed chance, fear, anxiety or stress that has you captured, know that you may have to modify your process. In order to modify your process, you must begin with changing your habit. As the saying goes, “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

Take writing, for example. Every writer knows what writer’s block is all about. We feel completely stuck, unable to even commit the action to hitting the keys on our laptop. It’s like we’re physically and mentally frozen. But in order to get to modifying the process, we first must change our habit. We must try something new when what we’ve trusted is not working.

In order to break one habit, we often have to break another, or at least course-correct our process. The familiar advice of “the conditions are never going to be right to begin — just go for it” rings true here. When you’re really stuck, forget about whatever process you’ve been following. It may not work that day or that hour.

If you’re normally a very fluid, creative writer that can pump out 1,000 words in the span of 15 minutes, perhaps you’re best positioned to just start writing your ideas and thoughts down in bullet point bursts. I like to refer back to a notepad or journal of ideas or unfinished thoughts that were meant to receive new life at a future date.

If you’re launching a new app or digital marketing platform and your “golden idea” has yet to take off, it doesn’t meant that your idea is bad or wrong. But it may mean that you need to change your habit of approaching your business. You may need to course-correct and try a new marketing strategy. You may have a great product, but you’re unsure of the most effective way to sell.

https://www.pexels.com/photo/person-holding-brown-ropes-1533902/Try a New Approach

“Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Dismiss the notion that you will focus your time and energy on anything else for a set period of time. Stay focused on the task at hand. This steeling your mind to be more productive will develop consistency and a commitment to do what you said you would do. Modify your habit. Modify when you choose to work on what you’re doing. If necessary, focus on the how.

Re-calibrate your why to make sure this is crystal clear and filled with purpose that aligns with your mission and definition for success. Your business plan. Your whole reason for doing what you’re doing. Start with the fundamentals which will guide you and let you know about your habits and decision-making.

Whatever fear or anxiety that you feel when you’re unable to move forward, think clearly, execute or even plan is far worse when it’s prolonged. By taking action, you block out that which holds you back. You press forward. To move forward, you don’t move backwards. But, you do use your past experiences and perspective of lessons learned to educate you on how to improve and commit today.

Turn to reminders of great work you’ve done, compliments you’ve received and honors bestowed upon you in the past. This boosted assurance and rush of adrenaline will always reboot confidence and hope. Confidence and hope are essential to taking action and finishing what you’ve started.

Don’t make someone else’s problem your own. Absorbing someone else’s guilt, getting hung up on their issues or problems is mentally taxing and defeating. This sorrow deflates us and contributes to inertia. If you want to remain inert, then focus on other people’s problems. Misery loves company.

If you’re ready to take action, be willing to do the work of understand the root cause of your inaction. Get back to the fundamentals. Use your energy to focus on the habits, processes and execution of what makes you great. Get started and leave the worry behind.

Get Started

Join my newsletter and check out my book, The Value of You. This will give you inspiration to start planning for success on your journey. If you’re interested in working with me try me here.

How to Break the Habit of Inaction was originally published in The Mission on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.