Christopher D. Connors's Blog, page 43

The 5 Most Efficient Ways to Get Your Work Done

There really isn’t some magic elixir out there that’s going to transform your mind and body, leading you to become a productivity machine. I hate to break the news to you. It’s not a quick fix. However, there are ways to work hard, increase your focus and take the pressure off. When you have a clear, beginner’s mind, you’re operating with limitless possibilities.

The picture begins to come into focus and sharpen. And suddenly, you’ve put the wheels in motion to start doing great things more efficiently and creatively than you ever have before.

Working with top executives, business leaders, athletes and writers has taught me that the most successful people are where they are because they operate efficiently. Time is our most precious commodity, and those who waste it find themselves wondering, What could have been? Those who make their time work for them end up living a happy life that they’re proud of.

As the author of a book, I can tell you that the most difficult part wasn’t the actual writing. It was the discipline to create an outline, a solid structure, and to commit to writing chapters that fit my narrative. Then, there was the editing process and refining the writing to make sure that it was easy-to-read and that it had flow.

I had to learn how to become efficient at creating this flow.

I had to learn how to become an efficient editor. It wasn’t what I thought it was at first, but it made me a better worker.

These are things that they can teach you in school, but are surely best learned by actually giving it a shot. As I begin to write my second book, I realize that I’m much better equipped to efficiently structure and edit each chapter. My time is limited and I want to be as productive as I can, without sacrificing the other things that I love to do.

So, what about you? What have you found to be the most efficient ways to get your work done? Here are the five most efficient ways to get your work done, with a bonus at the end.

1. Don’t just limit — Eliminate all distractions.

Any game is played with both offense and defense. Well, here’s the defense. Just like on the football field, while you’re trying to score goals, you’re also aiming to limit your turnovers. You’re looking to improve your fundamentals to win the small battles within the game that add up to a victory in the end.

Eliminating your distractions is all about playing defense. If you don’t begin here, nothing else will really matter. All the “offense” in the world won’t matter, because you’ll compromise your efficiency by falling victim to distractions that take you away from the task at hand.

Here are several great ways to limit your distractions:

Work in solitude. This provides clarity and greater mindfulness. In the words of Susan Cain, author of the bestselling book, Quiet, “Solitude is a catalyst for innovation.”Put your phone and any electronic equipment away while you’re workingDon’t worry about what’s next until the bell rings

Dr. Sherrie Bourg-Carter says,

“Solitude helps to improve concentration and increase productivity. When you remove as many distractions and interruptions as you can from your day, you are better able to concentrate, which will help you get more work done in a shorter amount of time.”

2. “Keep the main thing, the main thing”

Keep your priorities or main goal for the day front and center. I started with the defense, now here’s the offense. Get very specific about what you want to do and pour your energy into this endeavor.

Focus on 1–2 things. That’s it. Tony Schwartz writes in HBR,

“ The best way… to fuel higher productivity and more innovative thinking is to strongly encourage finite periods of absorbed focus, as well as shorter periods of real renewal.

Concentrate on what matters most to you. If you do this, you will never go wrong.

3. First things First

By now you’ve surely heard of the Mark Twain quote, “If it’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it’s your job to eat two frogs, it’s best to eat the biggest one first.”

While most of us aren’t interested in eating amphibians, we are looking to do the work that we absolutely need to get done. It may not always be what we want, but when we prioritize and plan, we find that it’s what we need.

Again Schwartz writes, “Do the most important thing first in the morning, preferably without interruption, for 60 to 90 minutes, with a clear start and stop time. If possible, work in a private space during this period, or with sound-reducing earphones.”

Have a plan. Tackle the most important thing first!

“There is a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in something, you do it only when it’s convenient. When you’re committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results.” — Ken Blanchard

4. Stack your Less Creative, More Tedious Work in ChunksDedicate generous time blocks to your most creative work

One of the best lessons learned from Stephen Covey’s famous time quadrant is the need to address the urgent work on our schedules. It’s unavoidable when something is urgent. Even when something is not as important to you, if it’s urgent, you’re going to have to “put out the fire.” In other words — the bottom-left part of the quadrant is something you’re going to have to deal with.

Copyright- Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

While we’re all working to get to Quadrant 2, we’ll have to spend time in Quadrant 3. So, what are we going to do about it?

I’ve found the best way to power through the unimportant, yet urgent items, is to address that work in chunks. In the span of an 8-hour workday, you may only need to dedicate 30 minutes of your time to the Quadrant 3 work. The best time for this could be right after lunch, after you’ve replenished your system and had the opportunity to take some time away.

You’re still focused, you’ve received new energy, and you’ve had some time to clear your mind. Power through some of those obligations and stack them all together, if possible. Meet your deadlines, but don’t let this work trickle into your most creative time. This is where you fire off those emails, pay the bills, complete that perfunctory report and just get things done.

Give yourself time back in your schedule to focus on what you love to do most and immerse your energy and focus into that. That’s when you produce your best work.

5. Create your Mental ArchitectureVisualize and practice mindfulness for doing exactly what you intend to do

With positive affirmation and self-encouragement, plot out your most efficient day, week and month in your mind first.

Jeffrey Heer, now a professor at the University of Washington, wrote about several important reasons for why we create visualizations. These will help you understand just how much this matters in becoming more efficient at what you do:

- Answer questions (or discover them)

- Make decisions

- See data in context

- Expand memory

- Support graphical calculation

- Find patterns

- Present arguments or tell a story

- Inspire

One reason why I’ve become an effective keynote speaker is that I spend large amounts of time visualizing exactly what, why and how I want to say to an audience. Then, I tailor my message to that group based on the mental architecture that I’ve created. You can apply these same visualization principles into your own life.

*Take Breaks and Practice Self-Care

Last, a bonus item. Remember to get up and take breaks. Whether you’re utilizing the Pomodoro technique or simply setting up iPhone reminders to get up, walk around and clear your mind every 20–25 minutes, be willing to hit the “Refresh” button so you can stay sharp. Self-care for you could be going for a run, or taking a nice nap to recharge.

Do the things for yourself that you know will help you rejuvenate yourself and boost your energy to power through each day with maximum efficiency.

Jump Start Your New Year!

Join my newsletter and check out my bestselling book, The Value of You. This will give you inspiration to start planning for success on your journey. If you’re interested in working with me, try me here.

This story is published in The Startup, Medium’s largest entrepreneurship publication followed by +409,714 people.Subscribe to receive our top stories here.

The 5 Most Efficient Ways to Get Your Work Done was originally published in The Startup on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

The Who Behind What You Do

Who are you working for?

This is what I look at every morning when I get my day started. It’s one of my most valuable possessions. It was given to me by my wife for my first Father’s Day, just seven months after I became a Dad for the first time. My family matters more to me than anything. And yet sometimes, I find myself getting caught up in the “Why” of what I’m doing.

The reality is, everything I do is for them. And when I started to become more self-aware of this, I began to make the greatest strides of growth I’ve ever experienced. This epiphany for me has direct application to the life of love and happiness that you choose to live. When you’re clear in your purpose around what matters most, you’ll recognize that your Who for why you do what you do, is the people that you love and cherish the most.

Yes, we all want to succeed for ourselves. We all want the self-satisfaction that comes from doing something (the journey) that allows us to achieve that big “prize” we’ve always wanted (the result). And surely, each one of our journeys is deeply personal, idiosyncratic and unique to the fibers of who we truly are.

“Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.”
 — Maya Angelou

But the unifying thread in doing things for those we love is that it truly brings out the best inside all of us. This is what is natural. We were created to love. Created to provide and give to others in the hope of bettering them and lifting them up.

We start with our parents, in many cases, or our brothers and sisters. Sometimes it’s our aunts, uncles, cousins and friends.

And as we grow, and we become attracted to the man or woman that we love, we start giving ourselves and our contributions up for them. If you believe in a higher power like I do, then perhaps your gifts of love are also directed toward the almighty.

There’s an inextricable link between the love for what we do, with the people that we love the most. If you don’t have blind faith, hope and love for your life, then what’s the point? This is directed toward the people that you want to lift up, who are often right there lifting you up on your personal journey.

When you do what comes naturally in your daily activities, interactions, relationships and work, your most authentic and best output will shine through. When you’re just doing things for yourself, it cheapens the process. It’s ephemeral in its gratification. Long-lasting joy and love is authentic. It’s for others. It stands the test of time.

One of life’s great ironies is that you continue to discover yourself and find your best you when you stop worrying about “your ends,” and concern yourself with intentional, purpose-driven living for those that you love. Because those means to get there were already justified.

Part of being yourself is coming to terms with what makes you tick, what lights a fire inside of you and frankly, how you are able to positively affect the world. Whatever your outlet for doing that is — by all means dedicate the time and go for it! I just ask you to think deeper behind the people in your life. And to place them at the forefront of your thoughts each day.

Maybe it’s the vessel that provides you with that magic morning drink.

So I ask again,

Who are you living for?

No matter how hard we grind for the things we want, it’s always important to put in perspective who matters most. And who we’re really working for.

Go Farther

Join my newsletter and check out my bestselling book, The Value of You. This will give you inspiration to start planning for success on your journey. If you’re interested in working with me, try me here.

The Who Behind What You Do was originally published in P.S. I Love You on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Thanks, Zach Arend!

Thanks, Zach Arend! Faith over Fear is at the top of my list of my New Year’s “Re-commitments” for this year. Keep going, my friend. Hope you’re doing well!

This is What the Moment of Smashing Fear in the Face Feels Like

You’ll never really know how great it feels until… ya know, you actually do it.

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

I started putting content out for public consumption several years ago.

Then I stopped.

I was writing sports, one of my passions, but what I really wanted was to write more for myself. And in so doing, I’d write for millions. But I was scared to death. The personal, the emotional, the visceral ways that I felt, that I knew deep-down others could benefit from, were still not ready to come out of me. I had a lot of to overcome.

My own demons.

My worries.

The fears of what others would think.

My own bullshit image in my head of who I thought I was, which was truly contradictory to who I really was. And yet somehow, that force of Resistance, was holding me still in my own purgatory. After a move away from New York, and into a professional and personal unknown in a new place, with a young family, I cracked.

Depression.

Anxiety.

Doubt.

Insecurity about a lot of who I had become, and what I thought was great about me. But, like all low points, all moments of adversity and temporary lost hope, I climbed out of the doldrums and began to realize that my calling — my purpose — was still right in front of me. Broken, though I was, I felt a powerful urge to finally start writing.

I found my writer’s voice once I realized I was writing to people who were dealing too much with fear, just like me. I realized, like Robert Collier once famously said:

“In every adversity there lies the seed of an equivalent advantage. In every defeat is a lesson showing you how to win the victory next time.”

Starting a blog, growing on Medium and putting my writing out there for the world to read, it gave me an endless source of inspiration. This positive momentum and fire propelled me forward and imbued my writing with color and passion that I didn’t even know was possible. I smashed fear in the face, and it felt like an out-of-body experience.

It felt magical and through my own self-satisfaction, and validation from others, I knew I had to keep going. If you know what I mean, and you’ve been there yourself, please, take these two words from me as gold:

Keep Going.

And never stop.

Highs and Lows

People don’t like to admit failure or mistakes. Rarely do we see it in public, even in this age of vulnerability and candor. Despite those curtains that we open for the world to see about our own idiosyncracies or areas that make us unique, we’re still enormously guarded about letting others into our weakest moments. Our failures.

When in reality, this is where we’ve grown — and gone on to triumph the most.

Some people never own up to their mistakes or shortcomings, certainly not publicly. Worse yet — not even to themselves. This is a lack of honesty and accountability. It takes us further away from our authentic selves. We learn over time that in order to overcome our own fears, and to continue to win life’s biggest battles, we need to move directly toward our own authenticity and uniqueness.

On social media, it’s extremely rare to for people to share losses or shortcomings. And I’m talking about even a bad picture or minuscule blemish that may actually offer a candid opening into that person’s true self that others are able to identify and vibe with. We find out in hindsight that one person’s vulnerability and courage saved someone else’s life!

And yet, more often than not, we only see these breakthrough moments in limited quantity. To the detriment of all of us.

So many of us try to bring attention to ourselves in our best light — through the prism of our successes. We’re afraid other people may have a diminished opinion of our mistakes.

The best thing we can do is keep putting ourselves out there, smashing fear in the face both privately and publicly. There’s the feeling of self-satisfaction that comes for OURSELVES, when we express our most authentic being. There’s also the validation that comes publicly from being recognized for your achievement.

Only in the past 6 months have I started posting videos for consumption to the public. I’ve mostly used Linked in as my platform.

Christopher D. Connors, PMP on LinkedIn: "Do you see opportunities ahead? Here is how to kick start 2019 by living with an opportunistic mindset! (and yes, we're still loving the Christmas season!

10 Causes of Doubt Stopping You From Your Best (and 10 Solutions to Overcome Them)

“If you hear a voice within you say you cannot paint, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.”
― Vincent Willem van Gogh

I’m going to let you in on a big secret that is going to stop you right in your tracks and boost your confidence: You have the ideas, beliefs and courage to live the life you truly want. You may not have every piece of the puzzle just yet. You may not have the blueprint or plan. And perhaps you haven’t yet activated your dreams.

But this whole thing called life — and living it on YOUR terms — isn’t nearly as complicated as WE make it out to be. It’s not others who are culpable of making things more complicated for us. It’s ourselves. It’s called doubt and it can cripple the best of us — even those of us who are motivated, self-aware and full of dreams and positive energy.

As I’ve written about previously, we rarely talk much about doubt. It can be embarrassing. We become self-conscious and unwilling to want to admit to others — much less ourselves — how much it may be robbing us of the life we want. It’s worth opening up the conversation on this pernicious enemy, largely because it’s the secret battle all of us fight — and many of us are (ironically) to fearful to open up about.

According to Merriam-Webster, fear is, Doubt is, “to call into question the truth of: to be uncertain.”

It is also to demonstrate a lack of confidence. The key to a happy, purpose-driven life is a foundation of faith and confidence. You must believe in yourself. You must trust your thoughts and how you will respond to all the events and stimuli in your life.

When you are confident, you believe that anything is possible. You think more clearly, with an open-mind and heart. You’re willing to reject fear, take risks and better identify with your positive and negative emotions. Confidence permeates your thoughts and drives your actions. Doubt crushes them.

Through deep reflection, we can realize that doubt, when analyzed in isolation, can actually help us frame up what matters most to us. Every time I know I’m on the right track, I intuitively feel it. Hopefully you do, too. You know it’s right, you lean into it and let the positive energy propel you forward. Here, you’re able to dissect doubt and understand that it’s just a part of the human experience.

I’ve learned there are 10 major causes of doubt. It’s not just important to identify these causes, it’s imperative for us to combat them, and have a plan to triumph over what can sink us, if we let it. Read these through. Come back to these during moments of weakness. You already have what it takes. You just need these tools and techniques to help you embrace the challenges of each day.

1. Doubt of what others may think of your new, bold future plans

You want to launch your own consulting business. You want to become an artist or software developer full-time. Maybe you just want to change careers, try out something you’ve always loved but have been too afraid to do, or maybe you want to go “all in” with committing to that special person in your life. And yet, once you find your mind moving forward, it seems like your legs buckle and suddenly you’re stuck.

“How could I possibly let someone else’s spoken opinion, or my own perception, prevent me from moving in a direction my head and heart are leading me toward?”

My coaching work, as well as academic research, has led me to believe that this is the number one cause of doubt that leads to inaction. We doubt ourselves because we worry about what others may think of the ideas or plans that mean so much to us, that they couldn’t possibly have enough knowledge and depth of understanding for.

Solution: Commit to a two-step plan: Speak and write your future plans and desires over your life. Step one is to have the awareness and willingness to communicate these plans. Step two is having the courage and willingness to act on what you believe. Find time alone in solitude to do this exercise. Then, start implementing a routine to ensure you commit to action.

2. Doubt of whether you have what it takes to do what you truly want

This most closely resembles Impostor Syndrome. Either that you’re not sure that you can succeed, or you doubt your previous accomplishments. No matter how accomplished or skilled you are, if you doubt who you are, you’ve already lost.

Solution: Develop a mantra. Mine is, “I’m really good at being me.” I also use, “Today is a big step closer to living the life I want.” These are positive affirmations that we speak over our lives. Their inspirational and encouraging and they help feed our conscious and subconscious minds. They help us creating the story that we want to write over our lives.

“Believe in your infinite potential. Your only limitations are those you set upon yourself. Believe in yourself, your abilities and your own potential. Never let self-doubt hold you captive. You are worthy of all that you dream of and hope for.” ― Roy T. Bennett

3. Doubt about whether you can overcome your past

The coaching work I’ve done has taught me that people get caught living in the past, and forget to be present for today and their future. This is where mindfulness comes in. Take this from the Harvard GSE:

“By approaching [what you do] with mindfulness, you decrease the amount of energy you spend worrying about the past or the future, and you increase the amount of attention you give to present and positive experiences. But because stress and worrying can be so ingrained, you have to practice (and keep practicing) the skills and habits you need to keep your attention on the present.”

The truth is, most people aren’t really watching, or they’re so wrapped up and absorbed in their own affairs, they’re not even aware of any of your past struggles or stumbles. The doubt that plays on our minds is the perceived care that others are remembering us or thinking of us for our failures. They’re probably not. But even if they are, isn’t that great motivation to re-write the ending to your Hollywood script?

4. Doubt that the closest people in your life will understand and support you

For so long in my life, I was afraid to speak my biggest dreams to some of the people closest to me. Perhaps you have shared that same experience! It’s primarily fear-based, but also based on doubt that we will either be understood or accepted by those who love us the most.

Have the courage to tell the people that love you the most to stand by your side with love and respect. It’s your job to summon the conviction inside of you to believe in what you’re doing so much, that you’re willing to give it everything you have each day.

Solution: Overcome yourself and show vulnerability around what matters most to you. When you open up and show courage, peeling back the doubt that clouds your mind, you’ll find greater acceptance and love.

5. Doubting yourself for the times that you’ve failed or made mistakes

I love this from Denzel Washington, “Fail BIG!”

And from Jeff Bezos: “I believe we (Amazon)are the best place in the world to fail (we have plenty of practice!), and failure and invention are inseparable twins,” he said in his 2015 shareholder letter. Source: Forbes

Think about that! One of the world’s most successful companies, as well as the richest people, thinks that failure and invention are inseparable twins.

Solution: Never be afraid to fail. Especially when you’ve given things deep thought, planned for what you want and given your all to your efforts.

6. Doubt and loss of trust over how you communicate and interact with the people in your life

It’s a great thing to put ourselves in our mind’s eye and to look at ourselves objectively, but not to the point where it drives us crazy. The people who do this are overly analytical — to a fault. “Let the game come to you,” is one of my favorite quotes. It basically means, don’t force things. Let things play out naturally. Be yourself and don’t get too nervous.

Solution: You can’t analyze your every move. You just have to proceed with confidence.

7. Doubt about your appearance (both in your mind and how others may observe you)

So you’re not the famous image of yourself that you dreamed about. No one is! The way to overcome this doubt is through acceptance. Accept who you are, faults and all. Exercise positivity to think of yourself in a more encouraging light. Practice self-care.

Solution: Draw up the exact image that you want of yourself. Not what others want. Who you really are. Start building toward that. Take a picture of yourself dressed, ready to go and living your best life. Put it on your desk and over your bed at night. That’s who you are.

8. Doubt about finding a job opportunity or entrepreneurial path that will sustain you

This one resonates with me because I’ve lived it. If you’ve struck out before, or if you find yourself staring with a blank face at your computer screen each day, knowing that you’re not doing what you want to do, and you don’t have the direction you need to change it, take heart and don’t doubt. You just haven’t found the answer yet. And you’re still on the journey.

Solution: Start with this very basic question: What do you want? Not what you think others expect of you and not what may seem to be the next logical step for where you’ve already been. What do you want based on your passion, skills, experience and natural talents? Once you know that answer, you’ll know the right way to go for making money and supporting yourself.

9. Doubt about your biggest strengths and weaknesses

Sometimes we don’t get started because we fear our weaknesses will hold us back, or that our strengths aren’t strong enough.

Solution: I highly recommend the Gallup StrengthsFinder assessment to better understand your strengths. Solicit feedback from people that you trust around areas where you need to improve. Write down what you believe your strengths to be and have that validated by other people. Get honest with yourself. Tell yourself the truth about what you’re good at, and what you need to improve.

Once you have this clarity, you’ll have the direction you need to move forward.

10. Doubt that you can overcome the everyday temptations and negative desires that offer only temporary pleasure, but long-term pain

This last one requires a steady heaping of faith, discipline and perseverance. A winning combination for anyone looking to overcome that which holds them back. We want to get better and improve our strengths and continue living our values and building toward what we want. But so much of life is about mitigating and reducing our weaknesses.

Solution: Be honest with yourself and do some self-examination. What are the things that you’re doing in your life each day that hold you back? I like to think of this in the form of vices. It could be laziness, lustful thoughts, anger, even envious behavior. You are always empowered to take control of your own life and begin writing your masterpiece.

Eliminate that which holds you back. Make it a habit to stop doing the things that are adding only temporary pleasure. Because these very same things are causing long-term pain. Life is so much about eliminating the negative — the mistakes and turnovers — and empowering yourself to build off the positive things that you do each day. That’s the mark of a champion!

Believe This is Your Best Year!

Join my newsletter and check out my bestselling book, The Value of You. This will give you inspiration to start planning for success on your journey. If you’re interested in working with me, try me here.

This story is published in The Startup, Medium’s largest entrepreneurship publication followed by +406,714 people.Subscribe to receive our top stories here.

10 Causes of Doubt Stopping You From Your Best (and 10 Solutions to Overcome Them) was originally published in The Startup on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Dawn Utz Hadley Absolutely!

Dawn Utz Hadley Absolutely! I’d like to believe that’s our intuition, and it’s telling us to keep going! Happy New Year!

15 Bold New Year’s Resolutions For Your and My Personal Growth in 2019

15 Bold New Year’s Re-Commitments For Our Personal Growth in 2019

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.” — Albert Einstein

Resolutions. New Plans. Truths. Call ’em what you want.

I’m calling mine for 2019, “New Year’s Re-Commitments.”

Here’s why putting together your re-commitments matter:

We all get lost, immersed and sometimes trapped in what we’re doing. Whether it’s good, bad, productive or time wasted, we don’t often know it in the moment. This is why perspective is so important. It’s vital to our success that we take a step back, take inventory of what we’re doing, where we’re going and whether it’s the right thing for us.

Then, it’s all about re-commiting to what matters most. The problem is that we simply haven’t committed to doing them with consistency. We need to re-commit to things we KNOW are right for us, and we’ve likely already done. We haven’t made them habit. That’s exactly what this reckoning- this renewal of beginning a new year- a new season- is all about.

Re-commit to what will make you, you. Begin another chapter in productivity and being your best.

This takes time, and it’s not nearly as fun as socializing or dreaming about that big idea. Most people walk away from dreams, not because of a lack of desire, but because they’re simply unwilling to “do the work.” Whenever you hear this very important phrase, know that “the work” first involves a foundation of values and then planning.

This must come before anything else! If you just jump in without direction, you may succeed at first, but sooner or later you’ll fail. It’s not sustainable. Good luck with yours! Here are my “re-commitments”for 2018. These are personal but they have broad application.

I think you’ll find a lot of yourself in here. I hope they give you the courage and confidence to put together your own resolutions in an effort to live the life you truly want!

1. Be More PRESENT

Presence is more than just coach speak. It’s true immersion in the moment with your heart, mind and soul. It’s mental, emotional, spiritual and physical awareness in all that you do. Being present and focusing only on what matters in that moment is paramount. It eliminates distractions. It gives the present moment you in your truest, most authentic form.

Live in the moment, every moment. You will maximize your happiness and results.

2. Faith Without (the bad kind of) Fear

Out of all the re-commitments on this list, this is perhaps my biggest barrier to overcome. Maybe it is for you, too. True belief in yourself without (the bad kind of) fear is one of life’s greatest challenges. There are good kinds of fear. You know, like knowing when to flee a burning building. Seeing your life plan on the wrong track and being concerned that you’ll end up living someone else’s life.

There are good kinds of fear.

But the fear of success, the fear of accomplishing your biggest goals — that’s terrible. This is where maximum faith and belief in yourself come in. Sometimes, you need a few days away to rediscover yourself and to re-prioritize. Hopefully the Christmas break did that for you. If not, take a step back and rejuvenate yourself and build your faith back up.

3. Belief in Yourself in all Moments that Leads to Confidence and Consistency

Related, similar, but not equal to #2, this is the manifestation of faith into something bigger that leads to tangible, proven results. The more confident we are, the more we know ourselves and can bridge the gap between our thoughts and actions, the more likely we are to do the things we want — and to do them well.

Proven results lead to confidence, and re-application leads to consistency. To start, you must be committed. To finish and achieve your goals, you must be consistent.

4. No Regrets. Acceptance for What’s Happened.

All that matters is what’s next. All that matters is what is in front of us. That’s it. Sure, great memories will last us a lifetime. Memories are different.

In the world of results, output and achievement, all that matters is how we move forward to the next goal, journey, task or competition in front of us. Prioritization and laser-focus for what matters most will lead you and guide you. Don’t worry about what’s already happened. You can always write a new chapter in your story for all the world to see. Keep Going!

5. Become the Expert — in a Few Things

I’ve written a successful book targeted to an audience that seeks to build their life on a rock-solid foundation of values and goal-planning. I’ve been recognized by my peers, gained acceptance in the writing community and had some awesome media appearances. Others are beginning to recognize me as an expert in this space. And I’m happy to walk through the door and live this.

My advice to you is to think of your greatest talent — your greatest skills — and what you spend your time on. Become an expert in one thing first, then you can start acquiring the skills and knowledge in multiple areas. But start with one thing first. Become the best. Become an industry leader and sought-after expert. Dedicate that time and keep growing.

For 2019, for me, it’s being the best coach I can be. And becoming a global thought leader on emotional intelligence. What about for you?

6. Leave the things behind that could be nice, but don’t fit my game plan

I want to be a New York Times bestselling writer. I want to be a keynote speaker at many different events. I want to coach more executives and leaders. But I’m limited by time. I’m limited by my obligations to my family and clients. I cannot do it all. And I’m OK with that. I’m choosing to focus on a a few things and get great at those.

There’s always time in the future for all of our grand dreams. So, write those down. But don’t try to do everything at once. This leads to too much pressure and self-imposed stress. Instead, focus on your priorities and then plan.

Take this from Dr. Theo Tsaousides:

“One of the most important functions of the brain — and the most recent in terms of our evolution — is executive function, a cluster of cognitive abilities that evolved to enable us to set and achieve goals. This brain function is what sets us apart from all other living things. Most other creatures react based on instinct; we take action based on planning.”

7. Build Lasting Connections. Focus on Quality and not Quantity

Rock-solid relationships are born from devotion, empathy, care and concern for the other person. Lead with your heart and build relationships out of genuine care for the other person. It’s not about the number of followers or connections you have. It’s about the powerful, life-changing connections that you have. Spend your time on those relationships.

8. Greater Personal Ownership Over Decision-Making

We all need others to rely on in life. But nothing is ever stopping you from taking greater personal ownership over your life. Nothing is stopping you from jumping in to make success happen. For me, this is about giving up “siting on the sidelines” about the things I want most.

It’s truly about decision-making. Sharp, focused and committed decision-making. I know what I can do, and what I can’t. Hopefully, you will learn this wisdom in 2019. Take greater ownership over the things you can control and influence, and delegate the things that you cannot do. This requires a well-rounded approach of personal ownership!

9. Initiative is the Name of the Game

Turn to others for help. Please, by all means. But be willing to take the initiative FIRST on all that you do. Only then can you decide what you need to allocate or give to others. Go all in with supreme confidence and belief in yourself. When you know you cannot do something — or it can be done more efficiently elsewhere — then turn to someone else.

We all need people to help elevate and bring us to the next level. But take the initiative first. This could be:

Starting that book you’ve always wanted to writeStarting a new businessCreating an appReaching out to the business that you’ve always wanted to partner/work with and asking them for an opportunity to meet

Go for it and be unafraid!

10. “Playing with House Money”

The concept, of course, comes from the world of gambling — using the money from the casino to fuel and drive future earnings. Remember, Las Vegas wasn’t built on winners! But it is the winners, that “let it ride” in thought, speech and action — those who lead with confidence — who define how they wish to live their lives.

Playing with house money is a gift, yet also a choice we have to make in how we handle our business. It’s one much easier made, from a psychological standpoint, when we’re not fearful of losing anything, even though we would be losing what we just earned! It’s a mindset of confidence that soothes anxiety and fear of loss, in addition to our aversion to risk.

11. Take the Pressure Off

“Be quick but don’t hurry.” Those are the words of famous UCLA head basketball coach, John Wooden. Here’s what it means to me: Stop worrying about a sense of urgency. Don’t rush. All that does is put more pressure on yourself and cause more worry. When you’re worried, anxious, stressed and living in fear, you don’t think as clearly. You’re a mess.

Being quick means executing off your game plan. You have to have a plan first. It surely helps to have values to rely on, and a routine that backs this up. When you have these things, you’re able to operate and achieve flow more clearly and fluidly. The game begins to come to you much more naturally. Because there’s no pressure stopping you from being your best.

12. More Honesty, Openness and Vulnerability

This is a call to those of us who are simply trying to let our true colors shine through. I love this quote from Michael Thompson:

“The very thing you fight to hide more times than not is the very thing that connects you to others. The world has enough masks — I highly recommend taking yours off in 2019.”

13. Don’t Revisit Past Mistakes

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with making mistakes, having setbacks or failing. What’s wrong is wallowing in those same mistakes and not putting in the work to move on and get over them. Don’t revisit what hasn’t worked for you. Find a way to build upon your setbacks, using that adversity to lead you on to a new victory.

Once you’ve made a mistake, do your best to not make it again.

14. Find Time Every Day for Reflection

Coiuld be in the morning. Could be midday. Maybe it’s the thing you do right before you go to bed, or brush your teeth, or pray. But please, spend a few minutes in reflection. Couple with with a meditation practice. It will change your life and give you quietness and stillness of mind.

15. Make People Feel Special

Everyone wants to be treated in a special way. We all want to feel valued. So, start with doing that for yourself. Be kind to yourself. And in turn, you can then be kind and special to others.

The people that I admire most are the ones that bring out the best in others. They seem to do it nonchalantly and without effort. But their thoughts, words and actions are intentional. They’re making the world a better place, one person at a time. They act with self-awareness, empathy and curiosity and a genuine desire to help others succeed.

Make someone else feel special and you’ll have a friend and powerful relationship for life.

Jump Start Your New Year!

Join my newsletter and check out my bestselling book, The Value of You. This will give you inspiration to start planning for success on your journey. If you’re interested in working with me, try me here.

This story is published in The Startup, Medium’s largest entrepreneurship publication followed by +406,714 people.Subscribe to receive our top stories here.

15 Bold New Year’s Resolutions For Your and My Personal Growth in 2019 was originally published in The Startup on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

How to Use Fear to Your Advantage

For all the things that we’re taught in school, the most important lesson we learn in life is one that is a product of the school of hard knocks: Fear is our lifelong adversary and friend. Fear is what moves us. Fear is what keeps us in our place. Fear is what pushes us backwards. Fear is what scares us. But boy does fear inspire us. Our quest is to learn how this lifelong adversary and friend can both spur us on, and tear us apart.

Think of what an education in life really means. Ask yourself — what does it mean to you?

Is it about getting good grades to get a good job? Is it about getting to know yourself in a truer, more intimate way? Is it about love? Hope? Faith? Knowledge? What are the things that you truly want to comprise your life — system be damned? And what are you willing to do to get them?

Every step of your journey fear will be their by your side. So you better get used to it. And it’s helpful to realize that no matter your path, you will learn as much from fear as you will learn from anything else. It will shape you, but you are also empowered to use it to shape the world around you.

The Education of Life

We learn how to read, learn arithmetic, analyze compounds, elements and more, and yet the most important lessons of life: overcoming fear and adversity, rebounding from mistakes and failures and developing rock-solid personal and professional relationships come outside of our school system. We’re expected to glean these things from parents, friends, even enemies.

But what about when we don’t?

We’re left to our own faculties, which are often unable or inexperienced enough to help us with the things that really matter. A great education will take you far. There’s no doubt about it. But where you really go for the win is when you learn how to meld emotional intelligence into your thoughts and actions.

This piece from Harvard Business Review, by Matt Brubaker and Foster Mobley, takes into account four great ways to combat fear. It’s an excellent step-by-step process to incorporate emotional intelligence and break down four parts of fear and how this cycle manifests itself in our lives:

“Step 1: Acknowledge the Fear: In the acknowledge phase, we suggest that people take a close look at their history and examine the choices they’ve made and the reasons behind those choices.”

“Step 2: Interrogate the fear to better understand it: assess current reality and look at the costs of fear… spen(d) time considering what it would mean if (you)failed at something.”

“Step 3: Choose a different course of action. This is about deciding what to do next and making commitments — understanding what truly matters to you.”

“Step 4: Act on that choice — in a way that aligns with your values. The last step is to deliver on your commitments.”

Attributes like acknowledging, confronting and choosing action and commitment are essential for dealing with fear. This brings out our self-awareness, empathy, self-care and the courage to combat fear. Absolutely essential for living life on our terms.

And yet, so many of us run away from our dreams. Our problem isn’t that we aren’t bold, mindful or thoughtful enough, it’s that we give-in to fear.

Making Your Move

You can also try this simple exercise:

Think about the thing that you love most in life.

This may be your family or loved ones, but cast that to the side for a second and place that into a separate bucket. Think about the thing, hobby, activity or venture that you are most passionate about, that gets you excited, inspired, enthused and that truly lights the fire inside of you. What are the things that give color and meaning to your life?

The things that you dream about, that deep down your intuition, heart and mind are calling you to do?

Now — try this simple exercise: Look back at the past six months. How many times have you moved in the direction of this thing during that time period? In fact — if you were to attempt in hindsight to measure your progress toward that thing that you love, how far have you actually traveled?

What if I told you that all of the successful people that you admire started out from identical circumstances to you? I’m not talking about financial status or class, race or background. I’m talking about the mental and emotional states in life. The fight or flight response to tackling your biggest dreams and challenges.

We either move in the direction of what we want most, or by not advancing — or perhaps even retreating — we stay stuck. We never find out the answer to one of life’s most important questions: What if we actually become who were are destined to be?

It’s never a question of desire. To want or hope begins in our minds. Then, we have to believe that what we want is possible. That’s called faith. By backing faith with enthusiasm, we have formed a firm, rock-solid foundation of emotional and mental well-being. Without this, it’s doubtful you will ever be able to do something great.

The good news is — it’s very likely you already have this. You certainly have this in you, you need to believe and you need to get excited about it.

From this seminal moment — this epic life decision point — is the crossroads of whether you will live the life of your dreams or settle for mediocrity. I don’t mean to sound dour or pessimistic, in fact, far from it. I’m an external optimist. And I’m also hear to tell you that this next step — this willingness and wherewithal to overcome fear — is what will make or break you.

Counter-Intuitive Fight

If you’re willing to fight — you first must be willing to mentally and emotionally prepare yourself to overcome that terrible enemy who threatens to thwart you before you even begin. You must overcome the voice inside your head telling you all of the following lies:

You’re not talented/good/skilled/able enoughYou’re too old OR too youngYou don’t have enough experienceYou won’t know what to do with successYou won’t be able to grow your businessYou’re better off trying something different; this is too tough

And the list goes on. If you’ve ever been there before, please, know that I’ve been and will continue to be right there with you. And so will the greatest success stories in every field and industry all throughout history. No one knows for sure if they’re ever going to make it. Our success and ideas are dependent on whether tens, hundreds, thousands and millions of other people will accept, need or want them!

And no matter how well researched or prepared we are in the market we aim to penetrate, we will never, ever know until we try. Whether our idea is original or unoriginal, we have to give things a shot.

This is why secondly, it all comes down to action. Are you willing to act? Are you willing to go for what you really want? Because if you are, you must turn back to your foundation of desire, faith, and enthusiasm. You must not care what others think. You must fight on by using fear to your advantage. This is how to achieve the greatest hopes and dreams of your life.

Face Your Fears

Join my newsletter for ways to improve your life and confront your biggest fears. Check out my bestselling book, The Value of You and if you’re interested in working with me try me here .

This story is published in The Startup, Medium’s largest entrepreneurship publication followed by +400,714 people.Subscribe to receive our top stories here.

How to Use Fear to Your Advantage was originally published in The Startup on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

10 Causes of Doubt Preventing You From Your Best (and 10 Solutions to Overcome Them)

“If you hear a voice within you say you cannot paint, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.”
― Vincent Willem van Gogh

I’m going to let you in on a big secret that is going to stop you right in your tracks and boost your confidence: You have the ideas, beliefs and courage to live the life you truly want. You may not have every piece of the puzzle just yet. You may not have the blueprint or plan. And perhaps you haven’t yet activated your dreams.

But this whole thing called life — and living it on YOUR terms — isn’t nearly as complicated as WE make it out to be. It’s not others who are culpable of making things more complicated for us. It’s ourselves. It’s called doubt and it can cripple the best of us — even those of us who are motivated, self-aware and full of dreams and positive energy.

As I’ve written about previously, we rarely talk much about doubt. It can be embarrassing. We become self-conscious and unwilling to want to admit to others — much less ourselves — how much it may be robbing us of the life we want. It’s worth opening up the conversation on this pernicious enemy, largely because it’s the secret battle all of us fight — and many of us are (ironically) to fearful to open up about.

According to Merriam-Webster, fear is, Doubt is, “to call into question the truth of: to be uncertain.”

It is also to demonstrate a lack of confidence. The key to a happy, purpose-driven life is a foundation of faith and confidence. You must believe in yourself. You must trust your thoughts and how you will respond to all the events and stimuli in your life.

When you are confident, you believe that anything is possible. You think more clearly, with an open-mind and heart. You’re willing to reject fear, take risks and better identify with your positive and negative emotions. Confidence permeates your thoughts and drives your actions. Doubt crushes them.

Through deep reflection, we can realize that doubt, when analyzed in isolation, can actually help us frame up what matters most to us. Every time I know I’m on the right track, I intuitively feel it. Hopefully you do, too. You know it’s right, you lean into it and let the positive energy propel you forward. Here, you’re able to dissect doubt and understand that it’s just a part of the human experience.

I’ve learned there are 10 major causes of doubt. It’s not just important to identify these causes, it’s imperative for us to combat them, and have a plan to triumph over what can sink us, if we let it. Read these through. Come back to these during moments of weakness. You already have what it takes. You just need these tools and techniques to help you embrace the challenges of each day.

1. Doubt of what others may think of your new, bold future plans

You want to launch your own consulting business. You want to become an artist or software developer full-time. Maybe you just want to change careers, try out something you’ve always loved but have been too afraid to do, or maybe you want to go “all in” with committing to that special person in your life. And yet, once you find your mind moving forward, it seems like your legs buckle and suddenly you’re stuck.

“How could I possibly let someone else’s spoken opinion, or my own perception, prevent me from moving in a direction my head and heart are leading me toward?”

My coaching work, as well as academic research, has led me to believe that this is the number one cause of doubt that leads to inaction. We doubt ourselves because we worry about what others may think of the ideas or plans that mean so much to us, that they couldn’t possibly have enough knowledge and depth of understanding for.

Solution: Commit to a two-step plan: Speak and write your future plans and desires over your life. Step one is to have the awareness and willingness to communicate these plans. Step two is having the courage and willingness to act on what you believe. Find time alone in solitude to do this exercise. Then, start implementing a routine to ensure you commit to action.

2. Doubt of whether you have what it takes to do what you truly want

This most closely resembles Impostor Syndrome. Either that you’re not sure that you can succeed, or you doubt your previous accomplishments. No matter how accomplished or skilled you are, if you doubt who you are, you’ve already lost.

Solution: Develop a mantra. Mine is, “I’m really good at being me.” I also use, “Today is a big step closer to living the life I want.” These are positive affirmations that we speak over our lives. Their inspirational and encouraging and they help feed our conscious and subconscious minds. They help us creating the story that we want to write over our lives.

“Believe in your infinite potential. Your only limitations are those you set upon yourself. Believe in yourself, your abilities and your own potential. Never let self-doubt hold you captive. You are worthy of all that you dream of and hope for.” ― Roy T. Bennett

3. Doubt about whether you can overcome your past

The coaching work I’ve done has taught me that people get caught living in the past, and forget to be present for today and their future. This is where mindfulness comes in. Take this from the Harvard GSE:

“By approaching [what you do] with mindfulness, you decrease the amount of energy you spend worrying about the past or the future, and you increase the amount of attention you give to present and positive experiences. But because stress and worrying can be so ingrained, you have to practice (and keep practicing) the skills and habits you need to keep your attention on the present.”

The truth is, most people aren’t really watching, or they’re so wrapped up and absorbed in their own affairs, they’re not even aware of any of your past struggles or stumbles. The doubt that plays on our minds is the perceived care that others are remembering us or thinking of us for our failures. They’re probably not. But even if they are, isn’t that great motivation to re-write the ending to your Hollywood script?

4. Doubt that the closest people in your life will understand and support you

For so long in my life, I was afraid to speak my biggest dreams to some of the people closest to me. Perhaps you have shared that same experience! It’s primarily fear-based, but also based on doubt that we will either be understood or accepted by those who love us the most.

Have the courage to tell the people that love you the most to stand by your side with love and respect. It’s your job to summon the conviction inside of you to believe in what you’re doing so much, that you’re willing to give it everything you have each day.

Solution: Overcome yourself and show vulnerability around what matters most to you. When you open up and show courage, peeling back the doubt that clouds your mind, you’ll find greater acceptance and love.

5. Doubting yourself for the times that you’ve failed or made mistakes

I love this from Denzel Washington, “Fail BIG!”

And from Jeff Bezos: “I believe we (Amazon)are the best place in the world to fail (we have plenty of practice!), and failure and invention are inseparable twins,” he said in his 2015 shareholder letter. Source: Forbes

Think about that! One of the world’s most successful companies, as well as the richest people, thinks that failure and invention are inseparable twins.

Solution: Never be afraid to fail. Especially when you’ve given things deep thought, planned for what you want and given your all to your efforts.

6. Doubt and loss of trust over how you communicate and interact with the people in your life

It’s a great thing to put ourselves in our mind’s eye and to look at ourselves objectively, but not to the point where it drives us crazy. The people who do this are overly analytical — to a fault. “Let the game come to you,” is one of my favorite quotes. It basically means, don’t force things. Let things play out naturally. Be yourself and don’t get too nervous.

Solution: You can’t analyze your every move. You just have to proceed with confidence.

7. Doubt about your appearance (both in your mind and how others may observe you)

So you’re not the famous image of yourself that you dreamed about. No one is! The way to overcome this doubt is through acceptance. Accept who you are, faults and all. Exercise positivity to think of yourself in a more encouraging light. Practice self-care.

Solution: Draw up the exact image that you want of yourself. Not what others want. Who you really are. Start building toward that. Take a picture of yourself dressed, ready to go and living your best life. Put it on your desk and over your bed at night. That’s who you are.

8. Doubt about finding a job opportunity or entrepreneurial path that will sustain you

This one resonates with me because I’ve lived it. If you’ve struck out before, or if you find yourself staring with a blank face at your computer screen each day, knowing that you’re not doing what you want to do, and you don’t have the direction you need to change it, take heart and don’t doubt. You just haven’t found the answer yet. And you’re still on the journey.

Solution: Start with this very basic question: What do you want? Not what you think others expect of you and not what may seem to be the next logical step for where you’ve already been. What do you want based on your passion, skills, experience and natural talents? Once you know that answer, you’ll know the right way to go for making money and supporting yourself.

9. Doubt about your biggest strengths and weaknesses

Sometimes we don’t get started because we fear our weaknesses will hold us back, or that our strengths aren’t strong enough.

Solution: I highly recommend the Gallup StrengthsFinder assessment to better understand your strengths. Solicit feedback from people that you trust around areas where you need to improve. Write down what you believe your strengths to be and have that validated by other people. Get honest with yourself. Tell yourself the truth about what you’re good at, and what you need to improve.

Once you have this clarity, you’ll have the direction you need to move forward.

10. Doubt that you can overcome the everyday temptations and negative desires that offer only temporary pleasure, but long-term pain

This last one requires a steady heaping of faith, discipline and perseverance. A winning combination for anyone looking to overcome that which holds them back. We want to get better and improve our strengths and continue living our values and building toward what we want. But so much of life is about mitigating and reducing our weaknesses.

Solution: Be honest with yourself and do some self-examination. What are the things that you’re doing in your life each day that hold you back? I like to think of this in the form of vices. It could be laziness, lustful thoughts, anger, even envious behavior. You are always empowered to take control of your own life and begin writing your masterpiece.

Eliminate that which holds you back. Make it a habit to stop doing the things that are adding only temporary pleasure. Because these very same things are causing long-term pain. Life is so much about eliminating the negative — the mistakes and turnovers — and empowering yourself to build off the positive things that you do each day. That’s the mark of a champion!

10 Causes of Doubt Preventing You From Your Best (and 10 Solutions to Overcome Them) was originally published in ART + marketing on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Thank you, Bharat!!

Thank you, Bharat!!