Bill Conrad's Blog, page 33

Banned Topics

Governments once routinely banned controversial content in books and other media. They undertook this freedom restricting measure in order to protect people from immoral content. I recall the book Catcher in the Rye being banned from libraries in the 50s. By the time I read the book in the 80s, it had been upgraded to required reading. Big change. In class, we discussed why the book had been banned and the controversy surrounding the story.
Of course, by the 80s, the controversial subjects contained within Catcher in the Rye were considered tame. Now, governments in the free world no longer ban material. There are some exceptions including overtly slanderous material (the courts allow the affected parties to sue,) dangerous material like explosives manuals (this material is still protected under free speech,) and immoral content (which may be legally purchased over the age of 18.)
Authors, screenwriters and online personalities constantly push the controversial envelope. Their efforts allow them to gain attention, money, fame or interest. This drive to open new moral ground forces restrictions to be lifted and opens new story horizons. For example, alternative relationships are now an open topic. However, this revised boundary has resulted in deplorable content freely entering our lives. Is this a livable tradeoff? I suppose. However, I would like there to be some restrictions. For example, the “F word” is routinely used on broadcast television. As a parent, I would prefer this not to be the case.
My works do contain some controversy. This includes torture, murder, pain, revenge, and an underage relationship. In my mind, I proceeded with dignity balanced with a good story. Of course, some people would prefer my content to be restricted. My counter-argument is, “Geeze, my material is so tame compared to what else is out there. Get a life.”
I am about to start writing my next book, Cable Pairs the sequel to Cable Ties (which should be on Amazon in six months.) This book will contain a very controversial topic. It is so controversial that almost every nation including America has taken steps to ban it. Of course, free world governments have not officially banned this topic. However, many groups actively discourage every aspect.
What possible topic could be so horrific? Murdering babies? No, the media and books now routinely obliterate all forms of life in most despicable ways. My story will contain a far worse topic.
My protagonist will be directly controlled by the Chinese government. Umm. Wait a minute. This is America and we have freedom of speech. Not that big of a deal to make China the bad guy. How about the movie The Last Emperor? It took a stab at the early bad acts by the Chinese government. True, this movie did cast a negative tone. Of course, that movie could never be made today and I bet you have not recently seen that movie on television.
Why? It’s a tame historical movie. There must be other new movies that reveal the dark underbelly of the Chinese government. Actually, popular movies, books, and other media don’t often explore that topic. Over the last few years, a quiet change has occurred overall media. The Chinese Communist Party has actively been censoring this topic to promote a positive message.
In America, the two largest movie theaters chains are now owned by Chinese companies. These theaters refuse to show movies that cast a negative light on the Chinese government. For example, before allowing Red Dawn 2, the movie studio had to do several re-shoots, and digital edits to change the attacking nation from China to North Korea. Several newspapers, media outlets, publishing houses, websites, and magazines also are owned by Chinese companies.
Is this fair? After all, we often see movies and books that take a hard poke at our governments. For example, the recent movie W slammed George W Bush. While I did not care for that particular movie, it did successfully explore the topic. Before and after the movie, there were no discussions about banning/censoring/removing content from the movie.
In my opinion, every subject has positives and negatives. It is the job of consumers to probe these subjects. Discussion brings change, enlightenment, and good story. Of course, this can lead to unintended consequences and pain. However, a great man (the Dred Pirate Roberts) once said, “Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something.” A lot of wisdom in those words.
Well then. Why am I taking this drastic step toward non-profit? Am I trying to create controversy to promote my work? Or expose the negative aspects of the Chinese government? While these are worthy goals, my reasons are humbler. I am only trying to create a good story. As a writer, I needed a strong adversary and the Chinese Communist Party has certainly created a great spy network. Since the dawn of storytelling, great plots require the hero to face a strong adversary. Plus, the realm of spy stories is limited.
In the past, many spy novels tapped into this good story vein. For example, Tom Clancy’s book “Bear and the Dragon.” All true. However, Tom wrote that book many years ago and he would have a difficult time publishing that story today. In my case, exploring this topic will be an uphill promotion battle.
Why not make the adversary some other country? Hmm. After writing this blog, I am now reconsidering the book structure. As an author who has yet to break the $100 royalty mark, perhaps it is not a good time to challenge the billion-dollar reach of the Chinese Communist Party. Something to think about.

Karma Is Difficult to Write For

I am not an overtly religious person, but I am a strong believer in Karma. If I do something wrong, immoral, inconsiderate or mean she immediately punishes me.
For example, five years ago, my wife and I went out to celebrate my birthday. We made reservations at a nice restaurant and dressed up for the occasion. We were both looking forward to a wonderful evening and talked about how good the food would taste as I merged onto the freeway. I neglected to see the car next to me and he had to slam on the breaks to allow my blissful movement into his lane. When he locked up his tires, it caused a blowout requiring him to pull over. When I noticed what happened, I couldn’t merge into the breakdown lane due to construction. I could only watch in my rearview mirror as his damaged car came to an awkward stop.
Of course, I yelled in frustration and felt terrible about my mistake. This event cast a dark mood over what should have been a pleasant evening. As a man of honor, I should have made every effort to pay for his damaged tire.
The next day, my car ran out of gas but the gas gage indicated quarter full. It took three weeks, and $1,000 to fix my dashboard gas gage. Two weeks later, my car ran out of gas again. This took another three weeks, and $1,500 later to fix my fuel tank sensor/pump/filter. A week later, I found my gas gage stuck at half full. They had installed the incorrect part, and I needed a different sensor/pump/filter. Karma clearly punished me for my mistake.
Taking an impartial viewpoint, one would think these are unrelated events. Not for me. I clearly connected the dots, and the lesson taught me to take driving more seriously. For me, Karma is real, never misses any action, a good memory and any sense of humor or forgiveness. Of course, she can be nice when I do nice things.
I first appreciated Karma while working at Kinkos. In case you are unaware, Kinkos is a chain of copy stores. I made copies and worked the cash register for minimum wage during and after college. As I worked, I began seeing patterns. When a customer acted nice, I acted nice. When they were mean, of course, I still had to act nice. But I did a sloppy job and made sure to charge them the full price (if not more.) While this insight into how life works may seem obvious, it served as an important life lesson for 20-year-old me. While my time at Kinkos proved to be quite negative, I did learn a lot about life.
I have come to understand that Karma is not central to everybody’s lives. Bad people remain terrible for years without consequence. Good people undergo constant pain without a break. Children get cancer and die young. That’s life. Right? Karma chooses what lives she enters using logic is beyond my comprehension. I must silently accept her choices while watching people commit terrible acts without punishment.
Overall, I try to lead a good life. I feel that Karma realizes my efforts to be a good person and generally treats me well. The problem with Karma is that she is difficult to write for. In my life, I constantly see that bad clearly follows bad and good follows good. A realistic plot requires characters without Karma. Readers hate it when the bad person instantly loses and the good person always wins. Plots like this are right out of bad 1950’s westerns.
Well, why don’t I simply ignore Karma when I write? Bad person, do your worst. Hey good person. Here’s a free punch in the face. It took me a long time to appreciate Karma’s role in my life and now I find it difficult to visualize a world without her. To me, writing a story where she is not present reads wrong. I keep thinking, “The world does not work that way.”
I understand that I do have writing limitations and try my best to work around them. For example, I like the band Rush and I think everybody should like this band. Have you not listened to the song Limelight at least a thousand times? I am well aware that not everybody likes Rush. If I wrote a bunch of Rush references into a story, this would lead to issues as 95% of readers would not understand my obscure song references.
The same is true with Karma. Real-life is not like cheesy 1950’s westerns. Bad characters win without consequence and their reprehensible actions force readers to hate them. This allows readers to bond with the hero. That’s the good plot even if Karma would not approve.
I try to push Karma’s envelope and put every effort into making my characters believable. However, I feel compelled to complete Karma’s circle of pain or pleasure. Facing one’s limitations will always be difficult. Perhaps I can change the people who don’t believe in Karma one book at a time.

Book Descriptions Are a Pain

Readers rapidly scan through book descriptions to get an idea of what a book is about. These descriptions contain several elements which include the primary advertising tool, a basic plot description and an example of the authors writing style. In the past, I didn’t think much about these marketing blurbs. In a way, they are like a strange poem. Short, to the point and perfect. At best, a book description gets less than 10 seconds to make a good impression.
If a book description is too long, uninteresting, poorly written [even a single word can be fatal] or unappealing then the reader will be turned off. Readers span the entire spectrum of society and range from extremely sophisticated to boneheads, funny to deadly serious, psychopathic to magnanimous, passionate flower child liberal to hard-core conservative and well-read to first-time reader.
For me, creating a book description proved the most difficult part of writing a book. I began my quest by reading articles on the topic and my research yielded a few gems, but nothing substantial. Their best advice proved to be “read a bunch of book descriptions.” Some real rocket science there. Geese.
As I read over hundreds of book descriptions, I began noticing patterns. Some were poorly written, too long, had bad grammar and made no sense. Their authors did not understand how essential they are for a book’s success. Others were tight, funny, witty and intriguing. These authors clearly put a lot of effort into their words.
With trial and error, I developed a process. I admit that it is very chaotic and not refined, but this is the best I have come up. I begin by reading a bunch of book descriptions from the same genre in order to get myself into the proper mindset. I try to appreciate the snappy/witty flow that readers are looking for. I then write up something. I do this without an outline or concept. From there it is a long struggle of experimenting, editing and obtaining reactions from my beta reader (my mom.) A big tip is to do this early in the writing process and come back to it every month for a fresh perspective. In this effort, I have been required to start from the beginning more than once because my book description went in the wrong direction or read awful.
The book description needs to contain enough story to intrigue the potential reader yet not reveal the entire plot. It must contain a good hook that grabs the reader’s attention. If successful, readers might look at a few reviews. Then the reader might achieve the author’s ultimate goal. They click: Buy It Now. Insert Rocky theme music.
I have given some thought as to why this task is so difficult. As an author, I am involved with the entire plot at a very personal level. I know every written word and all aspects of the characters. This includes insight not revealed in the written pages. Condensing this whirlwind of precious information into a single paragraph feels like picking which family member will get to go on vacation and which will stay home. This has to be balanced with a cheesy promotion to hook the reader. It’s agony on a completely new level.
I wish authors did not have to make book descriptions. I somehow got it into my head that this would be somebody else’s job. In my case, it all came down to lots of hard work and I wish I had more skill in this area. One thing I have learned is how to appreciate a well-written book description.

My Computer is a Dear Friend

I have been using computers since 1977. In the beginning, they were not user-friendly and their operators were required to expert knowledge in order to perform simple operations. As technology evolved, computers became larger parts of our lives. Then, the miracle of the modern age occurred. The Internet changed everything.
I now use my computer to talk to friends, pay bills, provide endless entertainment and learn. At work, I use a computer to simulate circuits, organize data, send emails and develop endless reports.
When I began my writing journey, I took my first step on a computer. It serves as my sentence file cabinet, primary research tool, the communications hub, and marketing powerhouse. The idea of writing a book on a typewriter is inconceivable in the modern world.
During the writing process, my computer quietly accepted all my input and did a great job of displaying the result. While my computer had minor issues, it never lost data, judged me or let me down.
Three weeks ago, I updated the Bios to fix a major security flaw. After the update, it worked for 20 minutes and then I got a big blue screen. On reboot, it immediately came up blue. Disaster! I put back the old Bios, but the damage had been done. The update corrupted the operating system and despite every effort, I could not restore it to normal operations.
Fortunately, the computer worked well enough to back up my files, bookmarks, email contacts, and system information. As I needed to completely reinstall windows, I purchased a new RAID hard drive controller card. Unfortunately, it took two weeks for the card to arrive, four days to install and configure everything else.
Being without my main computer proved difficult. I could not easily contact my friends, do research or write. This situation depressed me and I longed for the return of my valuable tool. When I finally got my computer working, it felt good to have this key part of my life returned. I got back into writing and settled into my normal grove. As I did, I reflected how much I missed my computer and how central it has become to my life.
My love of writing returned stronger than ever and I expanded my creative side. Then disaster struck. I turned on my computer and it came up to the configuration screen. My new RAID controller had failed. This prevented me from recovering my recent files and left me at a crossroads. Should I erase all my recent data? After some experimentation, I discovered that my motherboard had been damaged and this and caused the RAID card to fail.
The worst part about this is an issue is that I caused the problem. I felt as if I had betrayed a friend. How can I tell an inanimate object, “I’m sorry. I only tried to help.” I could only break out my checkbook and buy replacement components. I suppose in the cosmic sense, I did apologize to a box of circuits.
During this time, I used my “test computer” to write and communicate. I keep an older computer around to test new programs and run other programs that take a long time to complete. It’s slow, has restrictive security settings and is difficult to use.
Last night, I tore my main computer down and installed a new motherboard along with a new RAID controller. It felt really good to see the Windows logo.
I spent the rest of the evening backing up files, getting data from my test computer and catching up on emails. I felt as if a cherished family member returned from the hospital in good health. Life began returning to normal. Of course, not everything went smoothly. I spent two evenings on the phone with Microsoft tech support getting the windows license manager happy. Gahhh. Why is it so hard? I’m not a computer pirate. Stop accusing me.
I now realize that my main computer is a large part of my life. I consider myself lucky to be alive in this modern age where I am permitted to own such a marvelous machine. With some luck, my updated computer will work fine for the next ten years as I try to write something amazing.

Becoming Successful Will Take a Long Time

I recently read an interview about my favorite band, Rush about their early efforts. It reminded me about how hard they struggled in their early years and made me think of what will be necessary for me to become a successful author.
When I started my writing journey, I had one simple expectation. I would publish a book and people would either appreciate it or not. This would occur when the magic book fairy printed 10,000 copies and put them in bookstores around the world. People would buy it, read it and then tell their friends. The internet now makes it easier. Amazon would digitally sell 10,000 copies allowing me to become an instant success. Yeah… Not so much.
I quickly learned that traditional publishing is dead and Amazon is not in the business of helping new authors. I decided to self‐publish. This required me to do my own marketing, which took me far outside of my comfort zone.
I decided that a major part of this effort would be to get a Facebook page and write a blog. I have been working on getting reviews and contacting people for help. This massive effort has yielded wisps of interest. However, I now see this is going to be a long road and “breakout books” don’t exist. I am left with a long path to success. This will involve writing several books and carefully building my fan base one reader at a time. I anticipate this effort will require at least seven years and eight books. Not a pleasant thought.
I must face the fact that my writing may never be more than a hobby. People play golf, create art and fix cars with the intent of making money. They can work for years without success and remain happy. Still, I would like to be given the chance to become successful. I cling to the belief that a small fan base is possible to achieve.
The Rush interview reminded me that even an amazing band like them did not achieve fame overnight. They spent years on the road traveling in between small venues. In the end, their sacrifice paid off and a wide fan base recognized their talent. The interview also made me see that I need a better long‐term marketing plan that has a better chance of success. Of course, I knew that. What I did not fully appreciate is the amount of time necessary to make it happen.
Yet, the interview provided hope. They appreciated their few fans and appreciated what little fame they had at the time.

Getting Old

Recently, a close friend become too old to drive. This event made me confront the fact that someday, old age will force me to give up this privilege. Of course, technology has made this issue less debilitating, as ride-sharing programs such as Uber now exist.
As I age, activities have become difficult, my memory is not a sharp and my interests are different. I still see what my world used to be like through my daughter. Her life is full of good intentions, youthful activities and wonder.
I find it fascinating and heartbreaking to watch her learn that the world is not ideal. People are mean, aggressive and selfish. Yesterday, she read about the American War of Independence and commented, “All wars are the same. It’s just people shooting at each other. The only thing I learned is that if I don’t shoot anybody, there will be no war. Learning about all that junk will not make me a better person.”
I explained that this topic is indeed important and learning about it is essential. Of course, this is the voice of reason, the voice of a mature individual who struggled through history class and the voice of a father who wants his daughter to get into higher education.
As I transition into old age, I notice my perspective changing. I place more emphasis into retirement, I am more conservative, take fewer risks and I have sidelined many frivolous activities. For example, since the age of 10, I wanted to build a dune buggy. Now, my back hurts and the thought of bumping around in the sand is no longer appealing. Youthful dreams have a limited lifespan and I have become that old person that tells kids to stay off the lawn.
My writing reflects this transition. For example, my plots don’t stray from reality and my characters are not outgoing. Of course, I go to great lengths to inject much youthful energy as possible. I write about immortals, aliens and spies. I have young characters with lives full of fun and adventure. However, it is clear that these characters were created from my 49-year-old viewpoint.
Getting old is not all bad. I do have a long term perspective and I am much more aware of consequences. This allows me to see the big picture and come up with realistic characters. I also have lots of life experience to draw upon and much better English skills. Overall, I feel older people write better books.
Well, this blog has come full circle. In October, I will turn 50 and I am neither looking forward nor dreading this moment. A friend asked me what special activity I planned to do for that day. Simple. Get up, go to work. It’s a Tuesday on a work week.

An Update to My Writing Process

I begin writing my writing process by creating an outline. My last two books began with an outline and the resulting work read a lot better. I am almost ready to start book number six, Cable Pairs the sequel to Cable Ties and I have an outline ready to go. However, as I looked through it, I discovered issues.
It is difficult to pin down the specific problem. Overall, the core concept is not strong, the flow is muddy and I fear the readers will become disinterested. With those flaws in mind, I have decided to add a step to my writing process. I am creating an outline-outline.
My concept is to take my present outline and summarize each central element into a sentence. I will then be able to visualize the basic plot. From there I am going to alter the elements to create a solid foundation then update the main outline.
I now see that I should have started out with this step. One might think this reversal is a giant step backwards. However, that is the beauty of an outline. I have yet to commit to hundreds of hours of work into a flawed plot.
As I wrote this blog, I created my first outline-outline and the problems stood out. The central plot lacked a solid theme. I had only strung together subplots and character biographies.
To fix my mess, I trimmed my outline-outline to eliminate a few sub plots. The result looked disconnected. Gahhh. Try again. I wrote out my elements on a white board and drew lines between them. Gahhh. Still a mess. I put the elements into colored blocks using Visio. I then vertically arranged the elements. I then interwove the blocks and created new elements to form a timeline that resolved a central plot.
With this Visio tool, my plot started to look more intriguing. I then printed an 11x17 copy, added notes, drew lines and updated the Visio drawing. Unfortunately, this effort eliminated a cherished sub plot. Oh well.
I am now updating the original outline and I can see the story is much more appealing. Some new ground might be broken in the spy novel world. It’s good to learn something new.

I Don’t Want to Write an Autobiography

Many years ago, I met a friend of my sister’s who stood out as a creative individual. At that time, he attended college to attain his music degree.
During our conversation, I learned his college had a large film department and he knew many of these students. He remarked that all film students had the same goal; they wanted to make a movie about their life. They proudly gave him copies of their scripts (with the hope that he would provide the music for free) and he thought they were all boring, depressing and certainly not worthy of perusing. That thought has rattled around in the back of my mind for years.
After I published my first book, I began interacting with writers through the Facebook group Writers helping writers. In reading their posts, I understood that authors grew their characters from the people they knew and created their plots from events in their life.
As an example, in my upcoming book Pushed To the Edge of Survival, the main character is an Electrical Engineer. That’s me in disguise. Correct? While we share many similarities, the character is not based on me. In retrospect, I should have done a better job of distancing this character and I concede that I made a rookie mistake. One could argue that this character is autobiographical or a glimpse into my fantasy life. Big rookie mistake…
Would I like to write an autobiography to share the details of my life? So far, my life has not been noteworthy. However, I certainly have enough experiences to fill a book. Plus, I have the ability to capture my story and it would be fun to interview my family.
Billy Crystal’s did a wonderful job of capturing his life in the book 700 Sundays. Of course, I’m not a famous comedian, but am sure I could come up with something great. However, I certainly have no desire to share my life’s story. I didn’t even want to create the “about the author” page on Amazon.
Where is this negativity coming from? The core of my aversion resides in the fact that I’m a private person. What about my posts to Facebook? I obtained an account to promote my book and I don’t post many pictures or update my status often.
As an example, three weeks ago, I took my daughter shooting for the first time. She did well and I’m proud of her. However, I would never publicly describe this positive event on Facebook. Hey, everybody! My daughter is a great shot!
In, truth, that small statement took great effort to write and I certainly have no desire to post pictures of the event. I prefer to keep my private life private. What about a negative or tragic events in my life? On that same trip, my truck became stuck in the sand. The short version of this event is that everything worked out well. However, there were negative details that I do not wish to share. Why? It’s hard to write “Hey world, I failed. Here are my bad decisions and sad feelings. Please send some love my way.”
Why not discuss my failures? People learn more from failures than successes. Am I afraid of everybody laughing at me or analyzing my mistakes? That’s one part of it. If asked I would answer, “Getting stuck in the sand is my heartbreaking moment. Not yours. This is my tragedy and I will deal with it in my own way.” This reads like a line from the book Men are From Mars, Woman are From Venus. Very true.
Like most men, I prefer to internalize my failures and have no desire to publicly explore them. I consider lamenting on past negativity to be detrimental to my success. I also feel that this effort would turn me into a negative person and my life contains enough difficulties without intentionally focusing on my failures.
I also don’t think my accomplishments are not noteworthy. In reality, that statement isn’t true. I have a great family and a wonderful life. That’s certainly worth writing about. A good autobiography should describe something epic that people would actively seek out. Of course, that’s never stopped other non-famous people from writing an autobiography.
There is another option for an autobiography. I could embellish my life’s experiences. However, I prefer not to show off, brag, augment or lie about what I have done. To me, that is how a person should behave. However, I understand the other people’s personality craves attention and they live for showing off.
Perhaps another fear is that I will be recognized. I don’t want a random person to say, “Wow, you survived getting your truck stuck in the sand. Good job!” Side note, it would make it difficult to haggle for low prices at the swap meet.
My blogs do provide the world enough of a glimpse into my life. Readers can grasp my personality and piece together most of my story. I freely add insights from my own experiences. However, my few blog readers certainly appreciate that I do this under my own strict terms.
Someday, a character might get their car stuck and this embellished experience might read similar to actual events. If I were to look at that negative incident from the perspective as an unbiased reader, it is a minor bump on the road. In the book, 700 Sundays, the moment Billy Crystal went on stage for the first time is a much bigger event. More specifically, as an unbiased reader, a more interesting event.
As a reader, I enjoyed reading Billy Crystal‘s work and I got a lot out of it. For this blog, I don’t think I completely answered the central topic. However, I will confirm that an autobiography is not in my future. Or am I teasing you for shock value?

Writing on Prednisone

Five weeks ago, my arm brushed against poison oak as I picked up my sunglasses. The rash spread and I needed to take the drug Prednisone. This is an immune system suppressor, and it calmed down the symptoms enough to halt the spread. The wonders of modern medical science.
During this time, the drug provided many wonderful side effects. Overall, I felt great, slept well, I had more energy, my body didn’t have its usual aches and my mind had a marvelous outlook on life.
What’s more amazing is that this “feeling” wasn’t a feeling. As my body no longer fought its immune battles, it had energy to spare. “I’m free to do what I want and act the way I should. Thanks and have a great day!” My honest opinion at the time is that everybody should take this drug. Side note. Prednisone affects everybody differently and I am the 1% who got this type of reaction. Most people gain weight, get insomnia, acne, headaches, and depression.
When I stopped taking the drug, all my negative body issues returned with gusto and my attitude returned to normal. So unfortunate. Recently, I wondered if during a negative life experience, I should take the drug. Something to think about.
What about taking real drugs to feel good? In Junior High and High School, drugs were all around me. Kids smoked pot before class and shot up after school. I didn’t want to have anything to do with this poison because I could see what it did. I still don’t have the desire to experiment because I don’t like the idea that something could control my life.
In my senior year of High School, I had my wisdom teeth pulled. I clearly remember the amazing anesthetic experience. I felt giddy, pain-free and there were no consequences. I consider this experience to be in the top five moments of my life. For those who choose this path, I appreciate the pull to get high and I understand why people continue their destructive life choices.
I wrote quite a lot during my week on Prednisone. I have since reviewed this writing and I would describe it as lofty and uplifting. It reminded me of the (now stuck in my mind) Lego Movie song, “Everything is awesome. Everything is cool as long as you follow the rules.” Unfortunately, all that writing needed editing in order to maintain style. However, I did like reading my positive thoughts and I can see my overall writing tone is a little depressing.
Stories targeted towards adults naturally have depressing elements. Adults have to go to work, pay taxes and deal with other adults. Children’s stories have the creative freedom to embrace young minds. Their plots are free from adult responsibilities and consequences. Prednisone reminded me of that young feeling and the positive outlook. On occasion, I still see the fun-filled world through my daughter’s eyes. I imagine all children have a positive outlook towards their future.
My memory of that week remains clear. Was it real? I suppose that besides raising a daughter, that experience will remain my one last grasp at youth. Plus, my rash is gone. A lot of positives came out of Prednisone; an unexpected “high point” in my life.

The Motive Behind Revenge

Both characters and people are often motivated to seek revenge. Basking in the smug satisfaction of a bad person’s life turning to ruin… What a great feeling.
Humans, animals and even tiny microbes have been taking their revenge long before recorded history. One would think that society would have risen above this petty passion. Instead, we embrace revenge with gusto. For example, in Sarajevo on 28th June 1914, Chief of Serbian Military Intelligence Dragutin Dimitrijević put together a team that assassinated Archduke Franz Ferdinand. WW1 began as an act of revenge over a single man’s death. Millions of lives were lost and the effects continue to reverberate today.
Computers now make revenge even easier. Don’t like a meal? Leave a bad Yelp review. Thousands of people will read it and it can cost a restaurant untold loss. Instant long-lasting and effective revenge is only one mouse click away.
I got the idea for this blog from reading reviews in order to create a book review website. Several reviews were nasty, personal and intentionally mean. I began to see the bad side of reading. Readers wanted to take their revenge on the authors who put them through a bad reading experience.
For me, books are supposed to be fun. If I encounter a book that is not to my taste, I put it down. Life is too short to finish a bad book and life is far too short to take the time to write up a bad review.
Reading so many bad reviews made me think about the many motives behind revenge. Why is revenge a core value? Why do we need to stick it to the bad guy? Why does watching the bad guy wallowing in pain feel good?
We laugh when the bad guy gets a pie in the face. We jump up clapping when the evil villain takes a bullet through the heart. Watching the bully cry feels better than the hero receiving a reward for saving the world. From our own lives, we love telling stories about the revenge we took. In history class, we study battles, political campaigns, and the aftermath. Even science embraces the core value of proving somebody else’s theory wrong.
Well, what about me? Around the age of eight, I began learning how to ride a bike. At the time, my bike had training wheels, and I didn’t have good coordination. One day, a bunch of kids got together to ride bikes in my neighborhood. They were more advanced and their bikes didn’t have training wheels.
While I rode around, one of my training wheels fell off. The other kids circled around as they taunted me with their superior skills. This made me feel terrible which they picked up on and upped their shame game. Of course, as an adult, I can appreciate that kids naturally behave this way. If circumstances were reversed, I would have been one of the kids riding around. The taunting infuriated me and one kid, in particular, loved my anger/sadness.
The next time he flew past, I grabbed his handlebar, and he went flying onto the pavement. I only needed a small tug to take my revenge. My parents were furious, and I made it worse by refusing to apologize. The more they yelled, the better I felt. I sat there with a big smile as they applied first aid to the kid’s large wounds and he cried. My revenge allowed me to inflict real pain, and this compensated for my own sadness. Pure victory.
As I write this blog, I think back on that bike crashing moment. Of course, I made a mistake. Who is saying that? Confidant Bill with all his life experiences proudly makes this bold statement. He knows that training wheels can be repaired and with perseverance, a boy can learn to ride.
Do I feel regret? I have some regret. However, I still feel pride in my accomplishment. I successfully fought back. How would I feel if my daughter did the same thing? Like my parents, I would be horrified (we raised a monster!) angry and afraid of a lawsuit. However, a tiny part of me would smile. You go, girl! Side story. The neighborhood kids stopped their taunting, and I didn’t become friends with that particular kid. Who knows, he could have been my best friend.
If we cannot fix a problem, we can inflict pain with the intent of feeling better. This is counter-intuitive, immoral, illogical and not the mark of a good person. Yet, revenge is a part of life. It may even be healthy. At times, doing something (even if it is stupid) is better than doing nothing.
Of course, we don’t like it when somebody takes their revenge on us. The bomber who sets off explosives because they are mad. The neighbor who keyed my car because I refuse to part in the right spot.
Writers tap into this emotion with gusto. In my upcoming book, an incompetent coworker plagiarizes work. The main character exposes his flaws resulting in termination. The former coworker then embarks on a revenge campaign by posting unscrupulous lies. The main character frames him for a serious crime. He then posts more lies from jail and the main character arranges his death. Is this a realistic story? I developed this storyline from three unrelated real events. When combined, they paint a long tail of perseverance that clings to the belief that revenge will make life better.
Many movies and books revolve around revenge. Death Wish, Taken and Revenge of the Nerds. We love these stories and the uplifting satisfaction a good revenge plot brings. In fiction, revenge is a healthy core value. Why? We relate to this motive that allows immoral actions to be accepted.
Should our society and entertainment embrace revenge? The world would certainly be a better place if everybody “became the better person.” Alas, no. We regard revenge as a moral right. In many court cases, it is an acceptable defense and for many stories, it’s the main plot.
I think the motive behind revenge is closure; a basic desire to see a topic through. Humans cannot let go of their feelings. In my life, there have been people who have wronged me. I continue to harbor negative feelings toward them long after they have forgotten about me. I know that isn’t healthy, but some part of my mind clings to the negative memory. I suppose it’s part of the human condition.
One final thought. Just this morning, a bad driver cut me off. A few minutes later, a cop pulled him over. Not the textbook definition of revenge but it made my day.