Bill Conrad's Blog, page 11
December 6, 2023
The Butterfly Effect
The Butterfly Effect is a profound concept that takes some explaining. Edward Lorenz coined it in 1961. He was developing a weather model using an analog computer and changed the input from 0.506 to 0.506127. The simulation began the same but had a dramatically different outcome. This unexpected result proved that nonlinear systems can experience radically different results from minor input changes. To explain this effect, he coined the analogy that the flapping wings of a butterfly can alter the course of a large storm.
While easy to explain, this concept is challenging to wrap our minds around. Is it really possible for a butterfly to alter the course of a large storm? The math indeed proves it is possible. Scientists found the effect in many nonlinear systems when they looked for practical evidence.
What about human behavior? We are the definition of nonlinear and do all kinds of baffling things, resulting in wildly unpredictable outcomes. Can we prove a Butterfly Effect has occurred? Here are some examples:
David Blair, the Second Officer of the Titanic, forgot his binoculars one night. A security guard noticed tape covering the locks at the Watergate hotel. Fidel Castro failed the tryout for the Washington Senators baseball team and gave politics a try. Fred Smith founded Federal Express, but the company was down to $5,000, and he could not make payroll, so he played blackjack and won $27,000. And then there is Covid 19.
Does the Butterfly Effect describe the above examples? Small events can lead to significant outcomes, and the Butterfly Effect is one way of looking at the unfolding events.
But… Writing a Butterfly Effect type of event is not a good idea. Let me provide an example. A great baseball player failed his tryout, got into politics, became a communist, and ousted the democratic government. He became friends with other communist nations, which led to a failed invasion called The Bay of Pigs, leading to the Cuban missile crisis that nearly started World War III.
Umm… A failed baseball tryout? An invasion called The Bay of Pigs? Nearly started World War III? Quite an imagination and sense of humor, but obviously, the writer is unaware of international politics. And the plot? This story reads like a kid inventing something because they did not do his homework. This one time, umm, my friend was a baseball player, and then…
Readers require spoon-fed plots that go from one well-defined event to the next. They dislike illogical leaps, extreme coincidences, and random events. A Butterfly Effect plot would be the biggest trip down confusion lane. Why? Readers define the term linear by starting a book on the first page and continuing to the last.
I recall reading a young adult short story for a school assignment with unnecessary twists, incorrect facts, and unrealistic circumstances. The plot revolved around a far too ordinary teacher in a one-room school who was secretly a witch/race car driver who could travel through time. When she drove (At the speed limit. The author went far out of their way to point out that the teacher obeyed all laws. Why was this necessary?), sparks flew from her tires. I distinctly remember my ten-year-old mind thinking, “Wow, this is really stupid. Rubber tires don’t work that way.” When I asked the other kids at my table about the story, they had the same opinion. It was a leap too far. It turns out that the lesson was to point out all the flaws. Still, I hated reading it.
What about a far-out concept like a made-up world with magical characters that do not obey our laws of science? All sorts of plots can successfully occur in this made-up world, but the readers will start objecting when the plot connections get too farfetched. “The unicorn had the foresight to bring along the magic key, which opened the correct hidden door out of the hundreds in the dungeon, and the princes knew they were approaching because of the magic…”
And somehow, somewhere, a butterfly’s wings flapped in my life. Who would have thought I would develop a passion for locating obscure topics that authors cannot write about? Not me, and not some butterfly, that is for sure.
You’re the best -Bill
December 06, 2023
While easy to explain, this concept is challenging to wrap our minds around. Is it really possible for a butterfly to alter the course of a large storm? The math indeed proves it is possible. Scientists found the effect in many nonlinear systems when they looked for practical evidence.
What about human behavior? We are the definition of nonlinear and do all kinds of baffling things, resulting in wildly unpredictable outcomes. Can we prove a Butterfly Effect has occurred? Here are some examples:
David Blair, the Second Officer of the Titanic, forgot his binoculars one night. A security guard noticed tape covering the locks at the Watergate hotel. Fidel Castro failed the tryout for the Washington Senators baseball team and gave politics a try. Fred Smith founded Federal Express, but the company was down to $5,000, and he could not make payroll, so he played blackjack and won $27,000. And then there is Covid 19.
Does the Butterfly Effect describe the above examples? Small events can lead to significant outcomes, and the Butterfly Effect is one way of looking at the unfolding events.
But… Writing a Butterfly Effect type of event is not a good idea. Let me provide an example. A great baseball player failed his tryout, got into politics, became a communist, and ousted the democratic government. He became friends with other communist nations, which led to a failed invasion called The Bay of Pigs, leading to the Cuban missile crisis that nearly started World War III.
Umm… A failed baseball tryout? An invasion called The Bay of Pigs? Nearly started World War III? Quite an imagination and sense of humor, but obviously, the writer is unaware of international politics. And the plot? This story reads like a kid inventing something because they did not do his homework. This one time, umm, my friend was a baseball player, and then…
Readers require spoon-fed plots that go from one well-defined event to the next. They dislike illogical leaps, extreme coincidences, and random events. A Butterfly Effect plot would be the biggest trip down confusion lane. Why? Readers define the term linear by starting a book on the first page and continuing to the last.
I recall reading a young adult short story for a school assignment with unnecessary twists, incorrect facts, and unrealistic circumstances. The plot revolved around a far too ordinary teacher in a one-room school who was secretly a witch/race car driver who could travel through time. When she drove (At the speed limit. The author went far out of their way to point out that the teacher obeyed all laws. Why was this necessary?), sparks flew from her tires. I distinctly remember my ten-year-old mind thinking, “Wow, this is really stupid. Rubber tires don’t work that way.” When I asked the other kids at my table about the story, they had the same opinion. It was a leap too far. It turns out that the lesson was to point out all the flaws. Still, I hated reading it.
What about a far-out concept like a made-up world with magical characters that do not obey our laws of science? All sorts of plots can successfully occur in this made-up world, but the readers will start objecting when the plot connections get too farfetched. “The unicorn had the foresight to bring along the magic key, which opened the correct hidden door out of the hundreds in the dungeon, and the princes knew they were approaching because of the magic…”
And somehow, somewhere, a butterfly’s wings flapped in my life. Who would have thought I would develop a passion for locating obscure topics that authors cannot write about? Not me, and not some butterfly, that is for sure.
You’re the best -Bill
December 06, 2023
November 29, 2023
We Live Like Kings and That’s Hard to Write About
One hundred years ago, the year was 1923; the Roaring Twenties. People were optimistic about the future, making lots of money and having a blast. Yet, not really. Life was hard, medical care was basic, information was scarce, the stock market was about to crash, and people were not aware of the harm they were causing.
Since 1923, we developed technology that improved our lives, grew as a society and understood our prior mistakes. Now, we have more respect for the people around us, know about the problems in society, and are actively working on improvement. Here are some improvement examples:
I can go to my local supermarket and purchase inexpensive pasta from Italy, tangerines from Mexico, maple syrup from Canada, and water chestnuts from China. If I was in the Eiffel Tower in Paris, I could video chat with my somebody in the Eiffel Tower replica in Vegas. I can use the Wikipedia application on my phone to look up what year Nelson Mandela was born, what movie received the tenth Academy Award, where prairie dogs live, and all about the small English town Kingsbridge. If I get cancer, a broken bone, or an infection, doctors can usually help. An event can happen in front of me, and I can record it with my smartphone. After I post it (with one click), in under an hour, over a billion people can view that video. Our phones even warn us about earthquakes, fires, power outages, and traffic. And the most mind-shattering aspect of these developments is that not one person found this paragraph impressive.
That is a significant problem for writers. Where is the conflict, the struggle, or the dilemma? “Steve was in trouble. He knew nothing about Kingsbridge.” Umm… Steve can easily learn about that topic on his smartphone. Well, Steve could lose it. Umm… He could ask a nearby person; everybody has a smartphone.
Now, hold on. There are still gigantic problems like homelessness. Umm… Everybody knows about it, and many people are working on solutions. In time, this problem will come under control. Want some proof that we can solve an epic problem? The air quality in Los Angeles used to be out of control. Since the ‘30s, people have understood the issue and began solving it. I recall going there in the ‘70s, and my eyes watered. Now, I can spend the day in Los Angeles without issue.
It is a struggle for an author to invent a legitimate conflict. “Sally was watching television, and a robber broke down her door.” Umm… Did she call the police? Did Sally’s wireless security cameras capture the incident? Did her insurance company pay for the damages? Did Sally take a picture of the robber, post it, and have thousands of people look at the image?
Now, conflict requires precise circumstances to get around society’s advances. Readers know about present technology, what they can buy, what is possible, facts, statistics, geography, history, news, biology, physics, literature, fiction, and current events. Readers do not accept oversights, mistakes, racism, sexism, bad morals, copying existing work (intentional or not), lazy writing, or uncompelling concepts.
Plus, we have imagined so many things. How about a Star Trek teleporter? “Scotty pressed the button and beamed Kirk from the planet to his starship.” That sentence is easy to understand, and the impossible science does not mystify anybody.
Besides the advances, people get exposed to so much. I remember in the ‘70s seeing a man wearing pink fingernail polish. That was so outrageous! But now? 3.7 MILLION videos get uploaded to YouTube and 34 MILLION to TikTok daily. As a result, every possible aspect, view, alteration, outfit, personality, sexuality, death, life, setting, and location of the human body has been thoroughly explored, exploited, created, and destroyed. This wealth of explored situations makes creating something that surprises anybody extremely difficult. He wore fingernail polish AND earrings? Yeah, no.
These advances have introduced an endless number of pitfalls. “Stan got lost.” Today, nobody can get lost. The author must explain that Stan forgot his smartphone, there were no road signs, nobody was around, and there were no recognizable landmarks. “Tara arrived in Germany and could not ask for help.” Wrong! Many people in Germany speak English, and a basic internet search would educate the author. Plus, nearly all phones now come with a language transaction application.
This society of kings has an additional problem for writers. Amazon releases over 1.4 MILLION self-published books through its Kindle Direct Publishing every year. While good for readers, I must compete with this vast sea of books.
Yet, living like a king is not all bad. Our advances make it easier to publish, get the word out, and connect with people. In fact, I’m doing that right now.
You’re the best -Bill
November 29, 2023
Since 1923, we developed technology that improved our lives, grew as a society and understood our prior mistakes. Now, we have more respect for the people around us, know about the problems in society, and are actively working on improvement. Here are some improvement examples:
I can go to my local supermarket and purchase inexpensive pasta from Italy, tangerines from Mexico, maple syrup from Canada, and water chestnuts from China. If I was in the Eiffel Tower in Paris, I could video chat with my somebody in the Eiffel Tower replica in Vegas. I can use the Wikipedia application on my phone to look up what year Nelson Mandela was born, what movie received the tenth Academy Award, where prairie dogs live, and all about the small English town Kingsbridge. If I get cancer, a broken bone, or an infection, doctors can usually help. An event can happen in front of me, and I can record it with my smartphone. After I post it (with one click), in under an hour, over a billion people can view that video. Our phones even warn us about earthquakes, fires, power outages, and traffic. And the most mind-shattering aspect of these developments is that not one person found this paragraph impressive.
That is a significant problem for writers. Where is the conflict, the struggle, or the dilemma? “Steve was in trouble. He knew nothing about Kingsbridge.” Umm… Steve can easily learn about that topic on his smartphone. Well, Steve could lose it. Umm… He could ask a nearby person; everybody has a smartphone.
Now, hold on. There are still gigantic problems like homelessness. Umm… Everybody knows about it, and many people are working on solutions. In time, this problem will come under control. Want some proof that we can solve an epic problem? The air quality in Los Angeles used to be out of control. Since the ‘30s, people have understood the issue and began solving it. I recall going there in the ‘70s, and my eyes watered. Now, I can spend the day in Los Angeles without issue.
It is a struggle for an author to invent a legitimate conflict. “Sally was watching television, and a robber broke down her door.” Umm… Did she call the police? Did Sally’s wireless security cameras capture the incident? Did her insurance company pay for the damages? Did Sally take a picture of the robber, post it, and have thousands of people look at the image?
Now, conflict requires precise circumstances to get around society’s advances. Readers know about present technology, what they can buy, what is possible, facts, statistics, geography, history, news, biology, physics, literature, fiction, and current events. Readers do not accept oversights, mistakes, racism, sexism, bad morals, copying existing work (intentional or not), lazy writing, or uncompelling concepts.
Plus, we have imagined so many things. How about a Star Trek teleporter? “Scotty pressed the button and beamed Kirk from the planet to his starship.” That sentence is easy to understand, and the impossible science does not mystify anybody.
Besides the advances, people get exposed to so much. I remember in the ‘70s seeing a man wearing pink fingernail polish. That was so outrageous! But now? 3.7 MILLION videos get uploaded to YouTube and 34 MILLION to TikTok daily. As a result, every possible aspect, view, alteration, outfit, personality, sexuality, death, life, setting, and location of the human body has been thoroughly explored, exploited, created, and destroyed. This wealth of explored situations makes creating something that surprises anybody extremely difficult. He wore fingernail polish AND earrings? Yeah, no.
These advances have introduced an endless number of pitfalls. “Stan got lost.” Today, nobody can get lost. The author must explain that Stan forgot his smartphone, there were no road signs, nobody was around, and there were no recognizable landmarks. “Tara arrived in Germany and could not ask for help.” Wrong! Many people in Germany speak English, and a basic internet search would educate the author. Plus, nearly all phones now come with a language transaction application.
This society of kings has an additional problem for writers. Amazon releases over 1.4 MILLION self-published books through its Kindle Direct Publishing every year. While good for readers, I must compete with this vast sea of books.
Yet, living like a king is not all bad. Our advances make it easier to publish, get the word out, and connect with people. In fact, I’m doing that right now.
You’re the best -Bill
November 29, 2023
November 22, 2023
Living Rent Free in My Head
Six months ago, I got into a big argument with my mother. She did something stupid with her computer that was against my repeated sound advice. (I am her full time IT support.) When confronted, my mother refused to take responsibility, and the argument has simmered since that day. Of course, we all have our little parental tiffs and that is a part of life.
Since the initial incident, my anger has faded into a minor annoyance, but recently, there was an unexpected wrinkle. I was watching a rerun of the television show The Big Bang. The actor/character, Will Wheaton, did something that angered the character, Sheldon. He became furious and fumed over the incident. When Will realized, he was getting to Sheldon, he pointed to Sheldon’s head and said, “I am living rent free, right here.”
The moment felt like a lightning bolt and I realized I had been allowing my mother’s mistake to get to me. In reality, this incident was her doing, and the result had no effect on me. Yet, my anger still consumed me.
After making the connection, I understood it was possible to release the hold that anger had taken. I felt so much better.
Thinking back on my life, there were many incidents that I fumed over for years. The anger ate my soul, consumed time, and reduced my happiness. I wish I had made the connection when I was ten years old.
But… What about a character? Can their minds have somebody living rent free? “Bill got mad and brooded for months.” “Bill never let the argument go.” “A year later, Bill was still mad.” These statements seem valid, but they are missing the continuing motivation to be angry, and it seems strange that the character cannot let the incident go.
I have learned the hard way that unexplained motivation is reading death. Readers get hung up by this flaw and leave nasty reviews. What can writers do? They must develop an apparent reason for the anger and resolve the situation. “Bill was mad because his mother broke their computer by installing a program from a scam email. A month later, she promised never to do this again. He forgave her, and she offered to take him to dinner.” Easy, logical, closed-loop, and no motivation issues. (I wish real life worked this way.)
Finding areas in our lives to improve upon is terrific, and hopefully, this is the last time somebody will live rent free in my head.
You’re the best -Bill
November 22, 2023
Since the initial incident, my anger has faded into a minor annoyance, but recently, there was an unexpected wrinkle. I was watching a rerun of the television show The Big Bang. The actor/character, Will Wheaton, did something that angered the character, Sheldon. He became furious and fumed over the incident. When Will realized, he was getting to Sheldon, he pointed to Sheldon’s head and said, “I am living rent free, right here.”
The moment felt like a lightning bolt and I realized I had been allowing my mother’s mistake to get to me. In reality, this incident was her doing, and the result had no effect on me. Yet, my anger still consumed me.
After making the connection, I understood it was possible to release the hold that anger had taken. I felt so much better.
Thinking back on my life, there were many incidents that I fumed over for years. The anger ate my soul, consumed time, and reduced my happiness. I wish I had made the connection when I was ten years old.
But… What about a character? Can their minds have somebody living rent free? “Bill got mad and brooded for months.” “Bill never let the argument go.” “A year later, Bill was still mad.” These statements seem valid, but they are missing the continuing motivation to be angry, and it seems strange that the character cannot let the incident go.
I have learned the hard way that unexplained motivation is reading death. Readers get hung up by this flaw and leave nasty reviews. What can writers do? They must develop an apparent reason for the anger and resolve the situation. “Bill was mad because his mother broke their computer by installing a program from a scam email. A month later, she promised never to do this again. He forgave her, and she offered to take him to dinner.” Easy, logical, closed-loop, and no motivation issues. (I wish real life worked this way.)
Finding areas in our lives to improve upon is terrific, and hopefully, this is the last time somebody will live rent free in my head.
You’re the best -Bill
November 22, 2023
November 15, 2023
The Crazy’s Come Out During a Full Moon
A common saying is that crazy people come out during a full moon, meaning that there are wild times on a night with a visible full moon. Crimes occur, upstanding citizens do stupid things, and people who usually would stay at home venture out.
Years ago, I discussed this connection with my wife, who told me about working in the emergency room. She confirmed that they received more calls and stupid injuries during a full moon. This discussion got me thinking about the science behind the correlation. What is going on in people’s minds? Is there a biological element? Is the media responsible? Has this activity occurred for more than a thousand years? What types of people are most susceptible? Can we stop this trait?
I wanted to learn more about the topic and fired up the search engine. The internet immediately rewarded me with a famous study. There is no correlation. What? That’s strange. I searched for more studies and found another popular paper. There indeed was a strong correlation. What was going on? How can there be two completely different conclusions?
I searched more and found a well-researched paper by a credible university analyzing ten papers. They concluded that there was no correlation. Plus, they showed that the disagreeing papers had apparent flaws. Ahh, that explains it.
Then, I located another paper by a credible university that analyzed 20 papers. There was a direct correlation, and they showed all the flaws in the disagreeing papers.
I learned there are hundreds of studies on the topic and no solid census. This correlation seems straightforward to prove and understand the mental mechanism. What is going on? I guess that humans are complex, and it is difficult to prove an aspect of human behavior, diet, psychosis, stereotype, discrimination, or trait. We see similar conflicting studies answering the question about coffee/eggs/bacon/avocados being good or bad.
Perhaps the full moon’s biggest effect is providing starving college students with grant money for useless studies. A quick search located several full moon studies:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
https://scienceline.org/2008/03/ask-g...
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
The general opinion is the correlation is anecdotal. Meaning the relationship is in people’s minds and not real life. For this article, I spoke to my wife again, who affirmed that crazy people came to the emergency room more often on full moons. In addition, they seemed more spaced out, talked crazy, and were more violent. I trust my wife’s opinion, but I understand the general scientific opinion disagrees.
What should I do? Stand by my wife and turn my back on science? Accept that several studies are right and my wife is wrong? Drink 10 gallons of coffee, eat 100 bacon-avocado omelets, and see what happens? Become a hermit and ignore everything? Life has its mysteries, and this is one of them. That is not a brilliant answer, but it is an answer.
You’re the best -Bill
November 15, 2023
Years ago, I discussed this connection with my wife, who told me about working in the emergency room. She confirmed that they received more calls and stupid injuries during a full moon. This discussion got me thinking about the science behind the correlation. What is going on in people’s minds? Is there a biological element? Is the media responsible? Has this activity occurred for more than a thousand years? What types of people are most susceptible? Can we stop this trait?
I wanted to learn more about the topic and fired up the search engine. The internet immediately rewarded me with a famous study. There is no correlation. What? That’s strange. I searched for more studies and found another popular paper. There indeed was a strong correlation. What was going on? How can there be two completely different conclusions?
I searched more and found a well-researched paper by a credible university analyzing ten papers. They concluded that there was no correlation. Plus, they showed that the disagreeing papers had apparent flaws. Ahh, that explains it.
Then, I located another paper by a credible university that analyzed 20 papers. There was a direct correlation, and they showed all the flaws in the disagreeing papers.
I learned there are hundreds of studies on the topic and no solid census. This correlation seems straightforward to prove and understand the mental mechanism. What is going on? I guess that humans are complex, and it is difficult to prove an aspect of human behavior, diet, psychosis, stereotype, discrimination, or trait. We see similar conflicting studies answering the question about coffee/eggs/bacon/avocados being good or bad.
Perhaps the full moon’s biggest effect is providing starving college students with grant money for useless studies. A quick search located several full moon studies:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
https://scienceline.org/2008/03/ask-g...
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
The general opinion is the correlation is anecdotal. Meaning the relationship is in people’s minds and not real life. For this article, I spoke to my wife again, who affirmed that crazy people came to the emergency room more often on full moons. In addition, they seemed more spaced out, talked crazy, and were more violent. I trust my wife’s opinion, but I understand the general scientific opinion disagrees.
What should I do? Stand by my wife and turn my back on science? Accept that several studies are right and my wife is wrong? Drink 10 gallons of coffee, eat 100 bacon-avocado omelets, and see what happens? Become a hermit and ignore everything? Life has its mysteries, and this is one of them. That is not a brilliant answer, but it is an answer.
You’re the best -Bill
November 15, 2023
November 7, 2023
Pet Names
We named my first (and only) cat Sophie, after a friend’s turtle. Oh, wait a moment. I wanted to discuss invented terms for things in our lives. Humans are quirky and come up with various ways to amuse themselves. One of those ways is to devise a funny name for things.
This differs from a widely accepted alternative name for something like a beer is sometimes called “brew.” Sometimes, these terms are a mild putdown or a way to express frustration. They are also used to add a bit of joy to our lives. So, I thought it would be amusing to write down my list of pet names and explain their background.
Chadwick Time
In college, we had a friend Chadwick, who was always 10-15 minutes late. So, whenever somebody was late, we always said, “They are on Chadwick Time.”
Salad Problem
There used to be a great restaurant chain called Pat and Oscars that changed to Oscars that changed to O’s. They went under during Covid but had a quirk when they first opened. As part of their initial promotions, they would drop off an extra salad, and by the end of our meal, we would have a mountain of leftover salad bowls. Hey, want to go to Salad Problem tonight?
Expensive Sandwiches
There is a small restaurant at the San Diego Glider Port. It is a fun place to eat with a fantastic view, but there is one problem. They were super pricy. A sandwich costs $15.
Time-Waster 2000
My boss once tasked me with writing a design checklist to remind him of the steps. (We had wonderful memories and did not need this silliness.) This list insulted us so when I told everybody about it, I called it the Time-Waster 2000. Yes, this got back to him. Yes, I got in trouble.
Fiction Writers Anonymous
I coined this term for the marketing department at a former company. They invented all kinds of wild lies to promote our products.
Hair Dryer
My mechanic invented this term to describe turbochargers. My first car had one, and when I drove fast, I would say, “The hair dryer is doing its job.”
Christmas Tree
One of my high school friends was a plumber’s assistant during summer vacations. Sometimes, he would run out of fittings and have to get creative. The senior plumber called the resulting Rube Goldberg creation a Christmas Tree.
Target Makers
This is what the mechanical engineers called civil engineers at my college. It was also a popular term at a defense contractor I worked for.
Dingy
My mother invented this pet name for the television remote control. “Where is dingy?” was a common phrase in our house. Side note. We now call it “remoteee.”
Friskies
This is a pet name my mother invented for pet food. It applied to cat, dog, bird and guinea pig food. It was funny to watch her ask the dog, “Do you want Friskies?”
The Pool
A pet name my wife invented for the toilet. For some reason, sexual organs and toilets have the most pet names.
Good Gary (AKA Less-Evil Gary) and Evil Gary
In college, I had two friends, Gary Rush and Gary Mah but we could not call them Gary, so we had to come up with nicknames. Good Gary (Mah) and Evil Gary (Rush). In time, the nickname evolved, and Good Gary became Less-Evil Gary.
Waffle Stompers
This is the name my father invented for hiking boots.
Snail
Since the invention of email, people have called postal mail “Snail-Mail.” When I walked to the mailbox, I would say, “I’m getting the Snail-Mail” which evolved to “getting the snail.”
Using pet names is fun, but a writer must be careful. Invented terms need to be fully defined, put into context, and used sparingly. For example, in an upcoming book, I wrote: Fortunately, I had my “waffle stompers” (a name my father invented for hiking boots) in my backpack, and I put them on. The pet name in this context is amusing and brings a bit of joy to readers. However, if a character kept feeding their dog “Friskies” without an explanation, it would be confusing.
Hopefully, you had some fun reading my invented terms, and perhaps you will incorporate them into your own life.
You’re the best -Bill
November 07, 2023
This differs from a widely accepted alternative name for something like a beer is sometimes called “brew.” Sometimes, these terms are a mild putdown or a way to express frustration. They are also used to add a bit of joy to our lives. So, I thought it would be amusing to write down my list of pet names and explain their background.
Chadwick Time
In college, we had a friend Chadwick, who was always 10-15 minutes late. So, whenever somebody was late, we always said, “They are on Chadwick Time.”
Salad Problem
There used to be a great restaurant chain called Pat and Oscars that changed to Oscars that changed to O’s. They went under during Covid but had a quirk when they first opened. As part of their initial promotions, they would drop off an extra salad, and by the end of our meal, we would have a mountain of leftover salad bowls. Hey, want to go to Salad Problem tonight?
Expensive Sandwiches
There is a small restaurant at the San Diego Glider Port. It is a fun place to eat with a fantastic view, but there is one problem. They were super pricy. A sandwich costs $15.
Time-Waster 2000
My boss once tasked me with writing a design checklist to remind him of the steps. (We had wonderful memories and did not need this silliness.) This list insulted us so when I told everybody about it, I called it the Time-Waster 2000. Yes, this got back to him. Yes, I got in trouble.
Fiction Writers Anonymous
I coined this term for the marketing department at a former company. They invented all kinds of wild lies to promote our products.
Hair Dryer
My mechanic invented this term to describe turbochargers. My first car had one, and when I drove fast, I would say, “The hair dryer is doing its job.”
Christmas Tree
One of my high school friends was a plumber’s assistant during summer vacations. Sometimes, he would run out of fittings and have to get creative. The senior plumber called the resulting Rube Goldberg creation a Christmas Tree.
Target Makers
This is what the mechanical engineers called civil engineers at my college. It was also a popular term at a defense contractor I worked for.
Dingy
My mother invented this pet name for the television remote control. “Where is dingy?” was a common phrase in our house. Side note. We now call it “remoteee.”
Friskies
This is a pet name my mother invented for pet food. It applied to cat, dog, bird and guinea pig food. It was funny to watch her ask the dog, “Do you want Friskies?”
The Pool
A pet name my wife invented for the toilet. For some reason, sexual organs and toilets have the most pet names.
Good Gary (AKA Less-Evil Gary) and Evil Gary
In college, I had two friends, Gary Rush and Gary Mah but we could not call them Gary, so we had to come up with nicknames. Good Gary (Mah) and Evil Gary (Rush). In time, the nickname evolved, and Good Gary became Less-Evil Gary.
Waffle Stompers
This is the name my father invented for hiking boots.
Snail
Since the invention of email, people have called postal mail “Snail-Mail.” When I walked to the mailbox, I would say, “I’m getting the Snail-Mail” which evolved to “getting the snail.”
Using pet names is fun, but a writer must be careful. Invented terms need to be fully defined, put into context, and used sparingly. For example, in an upcoming book, I wrote: Fortunately, I had my “waffle stompers” (a name my father invented for hiking boots) in my backpack, and I put them on. The pet name in this context is amusing and brings a bit of joy to readers. However, if a character kept feeding their dog “Friskies” without an explanation, it would be confusing.
Hopefully, you had some fun reading my invented terms, and perhaps you will incorporate them into your own life.
You’re the best -Bill
November 07, 2023
November 1, 2023
Writing Saved My Writing
I was miserable four weeks ago. It started with bad news about my father. He has Parkinson’s, and the disease is getting much worse. My friend has diabetic health issues and is not doing well. One of my big weekly highlights is to go to the swap meet. I discovered that the land was sold, and their last day would be December. I enjoy watching movies, and the Netflix DVD service ended that week. The final straw was a critical book review. From the text, it was clear that the reviewer did not read more than a few pages, but they still left a dreadful review.
It was a miserable time, and I moped around for two days. Fortunately, I had a solution. When I get down in the dumps, I have developed a routine. It involves bike rides, hiking, walking, and talking to friends and family. This self-analysis inspired me to make a significant change.
It was time to stop writing. It had not succeeded and was taking time away from essential activities. As I grappled with the logistics of shutting down my writing empire, I realized it was Tuesday. On Wednesday, I typically publish an article.
I was in no mood to create something epic, and I tersely edited a mostly ready article. (We Don’t Have to Write About It). The resulting article was not my best, which confirmed that I should stop writing entirely.
This line of thinking upset me further, and I got into a tangent about an old grade school friend, Marco Zirino. “Wow, I should write something about that guy. But this is not a usual topic.” I put my negatives aside and wrote all about Marco. The words flew onto my screen, inspiring me to develop many new topics.
After four solid hours, I noticed something unexpected. I felt better. What about my father and friend? I was not happy about their situation, but I was no longer depressed. And that painful review? It hurt, but I created something from thin air (the Marco Zirino article). How many people can do that? Was it good? The article received many compliments, proving it was a solid accomplishment.
Writing was supposed to be a hobby and not a lifeline. Yes, it is creative, but I never expected it to be a lifesaver. That was something new. What was going on? The same thing that has always been going on. I like to write. Why? It provides a great sense of freedom, is rewarding, and is an excellent outlet for my thoughts. Plus, I learn from my mistakes and grow as a person.
The core of my problem was that I had been treating writing time like a job. This meant I had expectations, goals, and deadlines. This experience taught me to take a step back and get more enjoyment. This will help my mental outlook, readers, family, and friends.
You’re the best -Bill
November 01, 2023
It was a miserable time, and I moped around for two days. Fortunately, I had a solution. When I get down in the dumps, I have developed a routine. It involves bike rides, hiking, walking, and talking to friends and family. This self-analysis inspired me to make a significant change.
It was time to stop writing. It had not succeeded and was taking time away from essential activities. As I grappled with the logistics of shutting down my writing empire, I realized it was Tuesday. On Wednesday, I typically publish an article.
I was in no mood to create something epic, and I tersely edited a mostly ready article. (We Don’t Have to Write About It). The resulting article was not my best, which confirmed that I should stop writing entirely.
This line of thinking upset me further, and I got into a tangent about an old grade school friend, Marco Zirino. “Wow, I should write something about that guy. But this is not a usual topic.” I put my negatives aside and wrote all about Marco. The words flew onto my screen, inspiring me to develop many new topics.
After four solid hours, I noticed something unexpected. I felt better. What about my father and friend? I was not happy about their situation, but I was no longer depressed. And that painful review? It hurt, but I created something from thin air (the Marco Zirino article). How many people can do that? Was it good? The article received many compliments, proving it was a solid accomplishment.
Writing was supposed to be a hobby and not a lifeline. Yes, it is creative, but I never expected it to be a lifesaver. That was something new. What was going on? The same thing that has always been going on. I like to write. Why? It provides a great sense of freedom, is rewarding, and is an excellent outlet for my thoughts. Plus, I learn from my mistakes and grow as a person.
The core of my problem was that I had been treating writing time like a job. This meant I had expectations, goals, and deadlines. This experience taught me to take a step back and get more enjoyment. This will help my mental outlook, readers, family, and friends.
You’re the best -Bill
November 01, 2023
October 25, 2023
The World Changed When I Was Not Looking
I joined Facebook three years ago to promote my books. Why did I wait so long to join social media? I did not see the point of exposing my private life because I did not need to connect with unknown people. Yet, once I was on, I found the experience to be rewarding, and I have met (virtually) many people whom I would have never met without social media. Plus, I connected with old friends, gained resources, and learned a lot.
All seemed to go well until my daughter said, “Nobody uses Facebook except old people.” What? College students started Facebook for college students. It’s about partying and young stuff. Right? Well, no. It is a place for older people to post their ancient achievements and old-timey photographs. Young people have moved on to better social media platforms. What the heck? When did this happen? Where was the news report? Call out the National Guard!
And here is something else. DVDs (Blu-Ray) are no longer a thing. What? Just, yesterday, I was shopping in Target and saw racks of them for sale. New releases, classics, bargains, compilations, and box sets existed. Of course, we all know that CD sales experienced a massive decline in the 2000s, but not DVDs. Right? Physical media is an outdated distribution model, and sales have moved online. Why? Streaming media is more accessible and environmentally friendly.
Alright, those are small potato issues. No big deal. What about the actual issues? I certainly am on top of those. How about homelessness? Millions of Americans are homeless, and every day, there are thousands more. The topic dominates the news and our conversations. I even see homeless people in my neighborhood, and I can say for sure this was not the case five years ago. This problem is getting exponentially worse!
Well… In 2007, the homeless population (according to The Department of Housing and Urban Development) was 647,000 and today it is 553,000. Not “millions?” So, this major problem is getting better? What the heck? Why didn’t somebody tell me?
These three things quietly happened without my awareness. Now, wait a minute. I am a connected person who reads A LOT about what is going on in the world. How did these changes slip under my radar? The answer is that the world changed when I was not looking, and even a connected person like myself cannot be aware of everything.
Growing up, I was aware of significant changes my parents did not fully appreciate. For example, I remember a conversation with my mother. “Soon, computerized cash registers will be in every store. This way, the employees will not have to remember prices.” She said that would never be the case. Why? Computers at the time were thousands of dollars, and only experts could operate them. That is a good guess, but not true.
Have I become like my parents and can no longer see changes? Are there too many? Is the word too complex? Is my perspective skewed? The answer is that the world has always been complicated and in the process of change. Plus, there are many news outlets, and I pay attention to a limited number. For example, I rarely read the local newspaper. In addition, the news might not be aware of the change, and one person can’t know everything.
Is it wrong that the world changed when I was not looking? It took me a while to answer this question. There will always be change, and discovering a change should not cause outrage. What this means is that I need to be more accepting of change, which is the mark of a mature person.
So, I am going to end with the world indeed changed when I was not looking, and that is a good thing. Yet, I am posting this article on my Facebook page…
You’re the best -Bill
October 25, 2023
All seemed to go well until my daughter said, “Nobody uses Facebook except old people.” What? College students started Facebook for college students. It’s about partying and young stuff. Right? Well, no. It is a place for older people to post their ancient achievements and old-timey photographs. Young people have moved on to better social media platforms. What the heck? When did this happen? Where was the news report? Call out the National Guard!
And here is something else. DVDs (Blu-Ray) are no longer a thing. What? Just, yesterday, I was shopping in Target and saw racks of them for sale. New releases, classics, bargains, compilations, and box sets existed. Of course, we all know that CD sales experienced a massive decline in the 2000s, but not DVDs. Right? Physical media is an outdated distribution model, and sales have moved online. Why? Streaming media is more accessible and environmentally friendly.
Alright, those are small potato issues. No big deal. What about the actual issues? I certainly am on top of those. How about homelessness? Millions of Americans are homeless, and every day, there are thousands more. The topic dominates the news and our conversations. I even see homeless people in my neighborhood, and I can say for sure this was not the case five years ago. This problem is getting exponentially worse!
Well… In 2007, the homeless population (according to The Department of Housing and Urban Development) was 647,000 and today it is 553,000. Not “millions?” So, this major problem is getting better? What the heck? Why didn’t somebody tell me?
These three things quietly happened without my awareness. Now, wait a minute. I am a connected person who reads A LOT about what is going on in the world. How did these changes slip under my radar? The answer is that the world changed when I was not looking, and even a connected person like myself cannot be aware of everything.
Growing up, I was aware of significant changes my parents did not fully appreciate. For example, I remember a conversation with my mother. “Soon, computerized cash registers will be in every store. This way, the employees will not have to remember prices.” She said that would never be the case. Why? Computers at the time were thousands of dollars, and only experts could operate them. That is a good guess, but not true.
Have I become like my parents and can no longer see changes? Are there too many? Is the word too complex? Is my perspective skewed? The answer is that the world has always been complicated and in the process of change. Plus, there are many news outlets, and I pay attention to a limited number. For example, I rarely read the local newspaper. In addition, the news might not be aware of the change, and one person can’t know everything.
Is it wrong that the world changed when I was not looking? It took me a while to answer this question. There will always be change, and discovering a change should not cause outrage. What this means is that I need to be more accepting of change, which is the mark of a mature person.
So, I am going to end with the world indeed changed when I was not looking, and that is a good thing. Yet, I am posting this article on my Facebook page…
You’re the best -Bill
October 25, 2023
October 18, 2023
My Plan for Success
To succeed, a person needs a solid plan, and I had one around the time I turned fifteen. Powerful high school grades would enable me to attend college, leading to a fantastic job. The first two parts were the hardest, but I succeeded. Yay!
The next part was supposed to be easy. I had a college degree, and all I needed to do was look at the help wanted section and pick a job. This would be as easy as giving my best friend a high-five! Well, that was 993, and the economy was awful. So, I radically pivoted and started a company. Even though I worked super hard, my efforts failed.
This was a tough pill to swallow, but I sucked up my pride and got a job at a local medical inventory company. So, my initial plan succeeded. Yay!
Since then, I have bounced from company to company. In my off time, I tried to start businesses three times. My most successful attempt was as a full-time consultant. This effort was incredibly stressful and made little money. My worst attempt was a partnership with an internet marketing company. This dumpster fire consumed hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars.
A friendly bout of unemployment pivoted me again, and I decided to try fiction writing. Surely, this venture would be profitable, and indeed it is. I have made tens of dollars. Yay! (While spending thousands on editing, formatting, and marketing. Boo!)
What is my present success plan? I have a three-pronged approach. Continue working, write at night, and start a business. Working at a company is a safe, straight path with limited risk, but not too exciting. So, how do I intend to be a successful author and start a company?
I have found book promoting to be a tough nut to crack. I had expected online eBook retailers to do a much better job of helping new authors. Sadly, that chore is in my court. And who am I? A nobody author in a sea of nobody authors. However, I have a plan. My books are available in every eBook marketplace, and I write articles to gain exposure. In time, one or more readers will tell others about me. In summary, I plan to sit on my bum and wait to be discovered. Umm, that sounds like a poor plan. Yeah…
I have never stopped my business-starting efforts. I have developed 71 ideas and have organized them by chance of success and investment required. My next step is to locate a partner with marketing skills and investment contacts. Why not do this part myself? My business-starting mistakes taught me two important lessons: Never start alone and CAREFULLY pick your business partners.
How am I finding a business partner? When I meet new people, we chat, and if I get the sense that they are the right person, I tell them about my ideas and discuss a partnership. How often has this occurred in the last ten years? Once. In summary, I plan to sit on my bum and wait for a partner to appear out of thin air. Umm, that sounds like a poor plan and a theme. Yeah…
There are other options. I could go to a book or a business conference. There are online book marketing and business startup courses. At the very least, there are people I can pay to promote my books or locate business partners. That is very true, and I have diligently investigated all these options. Yet, my “solid” plan remains.
Why am I so pessimistic? Am I being lazy? Or am I gun-shy? (Afraid to fail) Until I wrote this sentence, I was sure that I was being cautious. I always approach problems with care and make calculated decisions. This sounds like I have been putting off the problem. Translation: Lazy.
What should I do? The obvious answer is to get off my bum and focus on my goals. I understand what it takes to start a business and am still up for the task, but the problem is desire. Starting a business is risky, scary, and expensive. Having done it so many times without success has taken its mental toll.
After some noodling time, I have concluded that I am indeed gun-shy. Being afraid to try is not an outstanding trait to admit to, but this is clearly what is going on. So here is my new plan. I am going to confront my fears and laziness. However, having lofty goals without milestones or details is not enough. Therefore, I have a new daily goal. I am going to dedicate thirty minutes to starting a business.
What about book marketing? Last night, I came up with a new plan. I have always wanted to write a short stories book. I have collected eight plots and thought them through. The problem is that readers only like short story books by mega-authors. Writing such a book would be a waste of time for a small-potato author like me.
My magic idea is to write one or more short stories and post them online for free. There are TONS of sites that will host a short story. I am excited to see how this plays out.
My business and promotion plans plan do not seem impressive, but what is essential is that I have them clearly stated to myself. Will they succeed? Only time will tell.
You’re the best -Bill
October 18, 2023
The next part was supposed to be easy. I had a college degree, and all I needed to do was look at the help wanted section and pick a job. This would be as easy as giving my best friend a high-five! Well, that was 993, and the economy was awful. So, I radically pivoted and started a company. Even though I worked super hard, my efforts failed.
This was a tough pill to swallow, but I sucked up my pride and got a job at a local medical inventory company. So, my initial plan succeeded. Yay!
Since then, I have bounced from company to company. In my off time, I tried to start businesses three times. My most successful attempt was as a full-time consultant. This effort was incredibly stressful and made little money. My worst attempt was a partnership with an internet marketing company. This dumpster fire consumed hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars.
A friendly bout of unemployment pivoted me again, and I decided to try fiction writing. Surely, this venture would be profitable, and indeed it is. I have made tens of dollars. Yay! (While spending thousands on editing, formatting, and marketing. Boo!)
What is my present success plan? I have a three-pronged approach. Continue working, write at night, and start a business. Working at a company is a safe, straight path with limited risk, but not too exciting. So, how do I intend to be a successful author and start a company?
I have found book promoting to be a tough nut to crack. I had expected online eBook retailers to do a much better job of helping new authors. Sadly, that chore is in my court. And who am I? A nobody author in a sea of nobody authors. However, I have a plan. My books are available in every eBook marketplace, and I write articles to gain exposure. In time, one or more readers will tell others about me. In summary, I plan to sit on my bum and wait to be discovered. Umm, that sounds like a poor plan. Yeah…
I have never stopped my business-starting efforts. I have developed 71 ideas and have organized them by chance of success and investment required. My next step is to locate a partner with marketing skills and investment contacts. Why not do this part myself? My business-starting mistakes taught me two important lessons: Never start alone and CAREFULLY pick your business partners.
How am I finding a business partner? When I meet new people, we chat, and if I get the sense that they are the right person, I tell them about my ideas and discuss a partnership. How often has this occurred in the last ten years? Once. In summary, I plan to sit on my bum and wait for a partner to appear out of thin air. Umm, that sounds like a poor plan and a theme. Yeah…
There are other options. I could go to a book or a business conference. There are online book marketing and business startup courses. At the very least, there are people I can pay to promote my books or locate business partners. That is very true, and I have diligently investigated all these options. Yet, my “solid” plan remains.
Why am I so pessimistic? Am I being lazy? Or am I gun-shy? (Afraid to fail) Until I wrote this sentence, I was sure that I was being cautious. I always approach problems with care and make calculated decisions. This sounds like I have been putting off the problem. Translation: Lazy.
What should I do? The obvious answer is to get off my bum and focus on my goals. I understand what it takes to start a business and am still up for the task, but the problem is desire. Starting a business is risky, scary, and expensive. Having done it so many times without success has taken its mental toll.
After some noodling time, I have concluded that I am indeed gun-shy. Being afraid to try is not an outstanding trait to admit to, but this is clearly what is going on. So here is my new plan. I am going to confront my fears and laziness. However, having lofty goals without milestones or details is not enough. Therefore, I have a new daily goal. I am going to dedicate thirty minutes to starting a business.
What about book marketing? Last night, I came up with a new plan. I have always wanted to write a short stories book. I have collected eight plots and thought them through. The problem is that readers only like short story books by mega-authors. Writing such a book would be a waste of time for a small-potato author like me.
My magic idea is to write one or more short stories and post them online for free. There are TONS of sites that will host a short story. I am excited to see how this plays out.
My business and promotion plans plan do not seem impressive, but what is essential is that I have them clearly stated to myself. Will they succeed? Only time will tell.
You’re the best -Bill
October 18, 2023
October 11, 2023
Don’t Get Mad
Early in my career, I was in a meeting about an all too familiar topic, whether the device was a door, a drawer, or a shelf. This argument only makes sense to four people on the planet, so I will provide an equivalent argument. It is called the Internet, the internet, the world wide web, the innerweb, the information super highway or something else? All these answers are mostly valid, but the internet (lowercase) is the most universal. Yet… the innerweb sounds fun. Also, the World Wide Web sounds classic and proper. Internet should always be capitalized. The information super highway? Who could argue against that mighty name? Nobody!
Who cares? Pick one! I am sure that this is what you are thinking. However, that was the problem. We had picked the device type, and then it got changed and changed again. This re-decision messed up documentation, drawings, programming, databases, and training. People were going crazy with changes, and the arguments became more and more heated.
Where was the change coming from? There were three sources. The first was disagreements between the database team and the programmer. The second was that the programmer had an arrogant streak. The third was that we did not (I never understood why) invite a database representative to these meetings.
The programmer thrived in this angry environment and argued something new every week. It all came to a head (for me) in one meeting, and I started yelling to choose one and be done with the arguing. The meeting ended without a decision. Later, my boss pulled me aside and said, “Don’t get mad. Never get mad.” I immediately understood what he was saying, and no further words were necessary.
I remained pleasant during the many follow-up meetings and used logic to state my position. In total, there were at least five meetings of this type.
I have often applied my boss’s sage wisdom many times. It probably saved my job at least once and improved the work environment. Of course, inside, I was screaming mad and desperately wanted to do something violent.
Why do workplace arguments get so heated? A mix of personality, pride, incompetence, turf protection, immaturity, and arrogance. We are human, and humans have limitations, flaws, and problems.
Have I ever broken my cool since that fateful day? I recall three instances. In one, an incompetent coworker was being… Well, an idiot. I ended the meeting with, “We’re done,” and stormed away. Another time, an incompetent coworker did his best to make me the scapegoat of his incompetence (his only ability), and I (calmly) called him out during a meeting. He yelled back all kinds of wild accusations. Did I lose my cool? Sort of. Here was the strange part. His boss backed him up because management blamed their department, and he needed to save face. The actual work was not difficult (basic documentation of a test), and it would have been much easier to remedy the entire situation with cooperation.
The third instance involved a coworker who refused to let a topic go. After we decided something trivial, he would go back to it and back to it. I knew I would lose it if I had one more meeting with him. So, I asked my boss to change me to another project. If he had not done this, one of two things would have occurred. I would have punched his lights out, or I (most likely) would have left the company.
What happened with the door, drawer, or shelf argument? That’s a funny story. Two years after the decision (drawer), we had another re-decide meeting. I no longer cared about the issue and presented my data without fanfare. But the programmer got under my boss’s skin, and he detonated. Swear words flew, the threats were real, and threatening body language nearly became physical.
Now, you know what happened next. After the meeting, I pulled my boss aside and provided sage advice, “Don’t get mad. Never get mad. You told me this.” He had forgotten about my original incident and his excellent advice.
When this programmer was in a good mood, we got along well and did fantastic work. But he had a twisted streak. One day (years after I left the company), he told a coworker she had to have a relationship with him, or he would fire her. Human Resources got involved, and he got disciplined.
For some reason, men/managers had protection at that company. In another instance, I had several meetings/conversations with an ultra-chauvinistic vice president at the same company. His comments about the women were so bad that I feared for my job because of my presence during these incidents. What did upper management do? They gave him his own company.
I believe the pinnacle of human development is to learn from other people’s mistakes. So, it is good advice never to get angry at your workplace. Let the fools yell, scream, and curse. Your peers and managers will respect your silence and professional attitude. Want another piece of sage wisdom? When it is icy, always use the handrails. Guess how I know that?
You’re the best -Bill
October 11, 2023
Who cares? Pick one! I am sure that this is what you are thinking. However, that was the problem. We had picked the device type, and then it got changed and changed again. This re-decision messed up documentation, drawings, programming, databases, and training. People were going crazy with changes, and the arguments became more and more heated.
Where was the change coming from? There were three sources. The first was disagreements between the database team and the programmer. The second was that the programmer had an arrogant streak. The third was that we did not (I never understood why) invite a database representative to these meetings.
The programmer thrived in this angry environment and argued something new every week. It all came to a head (for me) in one meeting, and I started yelling to choose one and be done with the arguing. The meeting ended without a decision. Later, my boss pulled me aside and said, “Don’t get mad. Never get mad.” I immediately understood what he was saying, and no further words were necessary.
I remained pleasant during the many follow-up meetings and used logic to state my position. In total, there were at least five meetings of this type.
I have often applied my boss’s sage wisdom many times. It probably saved my job at least once and improved the work environment. Of course, inside, I was screaming mad and desperately wanted to do something violent.
Why do workplace arguments get so heated? A mix of personality, pride, incompetence, turf protection, immaturity, and arrogance. We are human, and humans have limitations, flaws, and problems.
Have I ever broken my cool since that fateful day? I recall three instances. In one, an incompetent coworker was being… Well, an idiot. I ended the meeting with, “We’re done,” and stormed away. Another time, an incompetent coworker did his best to make me the scapegoat of his incompetence (his only ability), and I (calmly) called him out during a meeting. He yelled back all kinds of wild accusations. Did I lose my cool? Sort of. Here was the strange part. His boss backed him up because management blamed their department, and he needed to save face. The actual work was not difficult (basic documentation of a test), and it would have been much easier to remedy the entire situation with cooperation.
The third instance involved a coworker who refused to let a topic go. After we decided something trivial, he would go back to it and back to it. I knew I would lose it if I had one more meeting with him. So, I asked my boss to change me to another project. If he had not done this, one of two things would have occurred. I would have punched his lights out, or I (most likely) would have left the company.
What happened with the door, drawer, or shelf argument? That’s a funny story. Two years after the decision (drawer), we had another re-decide meeting. I no longer cared about the issue and presented my data without fanfare. But the programmer got under my boss’s skin, and he detonated. Swear words flew, the threats were real, and threatening body language nearly became physical.
Now, you know what happened next. After the meeting, I pulled my boss aside and provided sage advice, “Don’t get mad. Never get mad. You told me this.” He had forgotten about my original incident and his excellent advice.
When this programmer was in a good mood, we got along well and did fantastic work. But he had a twisted streak. One day (years after I left the company), he told a coworker she had to have a relationship with him, or he would fire her. Human Resources got involved, and he got disciplined.
For some reason, men/managers had protection at that company. In another instance, I had several meetings/conversations with an ultra-chauvinistic vice president at the same company. His comments about the women were so bad that I feared for my job because of my presence during these incidents. What did upper management do? They gave him his own company.
I believe the pinnacle of human development is to learn from other people’s mistakes. So, it is good advice never to get angry at your workplace. Let the fools yell, scream, and curse. Your peers and managers will respect your silence and professional attitude. Want another piece of sage wisdom? When it is icy, always use the handrails. Guess how I know that?
You’re the best -Bill
October 11, 2023
October 4, 2023
Because Of The Story
I watched the car show Jay Leno’s Garage, and he got asked why he purchased a particular car. The answer was, “I bought it because of the story.” Meaning that Jay listened to the seller’s story, which influenced his purchase. In this episode, the car belonged to the son’s father, and Jay liked the family connection.
I thought little about the quote, but it rattled around my bonkers mind for a month, which inspired me to think about my first car, a red 1990 Mitsubishi Eclipse GSX. Kim (I named her) was fast, fun, underpowered, and had a personality. From every angle, she hated standing still.
Kim was an odd car type choice. My mother was convinced I needed a jeep, and my father knew I wanted a truck. Why? They are practical and rugged, which matches my personality. But a sports car? They are small, high maintenance, unreliable, and expensive. Why that one? I had just graduated as an engineer and wanted the best engineered car to fit my budget—specifically, the all-wheel drive.
Why? For the high-speed California roads? To corner like a daemon? To fulfill my track-day dreams? No, this car was entirely impracticable for my needs. I hoped to buy something that looked cool and had this innovative feature.
Kim and I had many driving adventures and made our own stories, but I did not buy that car because of its story. Yet, as I look at the vast piles of junk in my garage, I can see many purchased items because of their story.
One is a pile of garage sale screwdrivers. The lady said they belonged to her late father, who used them to repair her toys. Why? I certainly had other screw drives in better shape. The story tugged at my heart, and I wanted that same connection. Someday, I would use them to repair my daughter’s toys and then pass them along to her. Yeah… They sat in a pile, and I never used them once.
About 20 years ago, I purchased a Simpson multimeter at the swap meet. It is large, and I have much better meters, but the owner saved up for a year on his paper route to buy it. He hoped to be an electrician but joined the military to help his family. Do I use that old thing? No, but what a remarkable story.
I even purchased a shirt because of a story. There was a sale of college shirts at Miller’s Outpost. (They changed their name to Anchor Blue and closed their doors on February 17, 2011) I was a senior, and it was popular to wear college shirts, and I wanted to join the fad. So, I was walking down the street in a Stanford shirt, and a guy yelled, “Hey, Stanford guy!” He was selling used shirts and rooted through his pile. And there it was, an identical shirt. The story was that his son went to Stanford and joined their football team. He bulked up to play and could not fit into his old clothes. Did I wear the shirt? A few times, but that was not the point. I had a story to tell all my friends.
Was it all a scam, good salesmanship, or honest people making a connection? Who knows? Stories are powerful, and they tug at our hearts. The trick is creating them and living with a garage full of story-filled junk.
You’re the best -Bill
October 04, 2023
I thought little about the quote, but it rattled around my bonkers mind for a month, which inspired me to think about my first car, a red 1990 Mitsubishi Eclipse GSX. Kim (I named her) was fast, fun, underpowered, and had a personality. From every angle, she hated standing still.
Kim was an odd car type choice. My mother was convinced I needed a jeep, and my father knew I wanted a truck. Why? They are practical and rugged, which matches my personality. But a sports car? They are small, high maintenance, unreliable, and expensive. Why that one? I had just graduated as an engineer and wanted the best engineered car to fit my budget—specifically, the all-wheel drive.
Why? For the high-speed California roads? To corner like a daemon? To fulfill my track-day dreams? No, this car was entirely impracticable for my needs. I hoped to buy something that looked cool and had this innovative feature.
Kim and I had many driving adventures and made our own stories, but I did not buy that car because of its story. Yet, as I look at the vast piles of junk in my garage, I can see many purchased items because of their story.
One is a pile of garage sale screwdrivers. The lady said they belonged to her late father, who used them to repair her toys. Why? I certainly had other screw drives in better shape. The story tugged at my heart, and I wanted that same connection. Someday, I would use them to repair my daughter’s toys and then pass them along to her. Yeah… They sat in a pile, and I never used them once.
About 20 years ago, I purchased a Simpson multimeter at the swap meet. It is large, and I have much better meters, but the owner saved up for a year on his paper route to buy it. He hoped to be an electrician but joined the military to help his family. Do I use that old thing? No, but what a remarkable story.
I even purchased a shirt because of a story. There was a sale of college shirts at Miller’s Outpost. (They changed their name to Anchor Blue and closed their doors on February 17, 2011) I was a senior, and it was popular to wear college shirts, and I wanted to join the fad. So, I was walking down the street in a Stanford shirt, and a guy yelled, “Hey, Stanford guy!” He was selling used shirts and rooted through his pile. And there it was, an identical shirt. The story was that his son went to Stanford and joined their football team. He bulked up to play and could not fit into his old clothes. Did I wear the shirt? A few times, but that was not the point. I had a story to tell all my friends.
Was it all a scam, good salesmanship, or honest people making a connection? Who knows? Stories are powerful, and they tug at our hearts. The trick is creating them and living with a garage full of story-filled junk.
You’re the best -Bill
October 04, 2023
