Kyria Abrahams's Blog, page 4

What People Are Saying About Chick-Fil-A Appreciation Day

[image error] Phew! I walked across this entire crosswalk using my own feet and I am BUSHED!
It's a good kinda tired, though. A Godly kinda tired.

So, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say the Chick-Fil-A boycott failed.

The reason for this is quite simple: you don't understand religion. See, you think you can just explain your side of the argument to people and you're going to change their minds. What you don't seem to get is that religious people don't change their minds. That's the entire point of having a religion.

I grew up as a Jehovah's Witness. I grew up thinking gay marriage was "immoral". I thought gay people were bad until I realized I was in a cult and left. Just like me, these people won't change their minds until they leave their religion. If anything, you're just making them cling to their beliefs even harder than before.

Americans flocked to Chick-Fil-A today because they hate gays and they goddamn love Jesus. They are also fat. The only thing Americans hate more than gay people is salad. This was the perfect storm.

In that sense, the initial boycott did accomplish something very impressive: it managed to mobilize some of the plumpest, chicken-scarfing asses this side of an audience for the Queens of Comedy. Normally, they don't unfold the mobility scooter on a Wednesday. Today, though, was special. Today, they were scootin' for Jesus.


[image error] Might any of you good Christian brothers be kind enough to funnel some of the Lord Baby Jesus' hot gravy up into our tightly sealed buttholes? It's for God. 
Here's the reason you mobilized them instead of shaming them: they don't fucking think they're wrong. At all! They think they're right. Just like you don't think you're wrong because you think you're right. Same thing.

Think about that for a second. Blows your mind, huh? Like, you know how you're right because you support morals and justice and love and humanity? They feel exactly the same way that you do, in the exact same part of the brain.

Woah, dude. Did you ever look at your hand, man? I mean, like, really look at your hand?

Now, you can choose to see the reality of this side of humanity and work with it in order to eventually get some kind of marriage equality, or you can continue to live in a bizarre utopia where your universal, objective "good" prevails because, you know, you want it to.

And then, next week, you can head over to Chick-Fil-A and make out in front of everyone and piss them off even more.

[image error] Oh my, I seem to have dropped me a slab of butter on the asphalt. Help! Someone help me retrieve my butter! How can I eat my butter without butter?

All quotes and photos taken from Facebook.

Beth Packer
THANK YOU FOR BEING A CHRISTIAN BUSINESS! WE NEED MORE BUSINESSES TO TAKE A STAND IN WHAT THEY BELIEVE IN! WHAT THE DEVIL MEANT FOR EVIL, GOD WILL TURN IT AROUND FOR GOOD!! GOD WILL BLESS YOU!!! LOVE YOU CHICK-FIL-A!!!!!

Elisha Fraley
Hi chick fil-a ... kudos to the CEO for sticking up for what God says in His word. God does love all of mankind, but it is our sin that is wrong and shameful in his eyes no matter what that sin is.

Karen Bishop
I don't eat chicken, but I am a fan!! Keep going on in God and He will go before you!!

Mechelle Ritchie Foster
We support you, Chick Fil A and God's marriage plan.


Andrea K. West
My son and i just enjoyed a peach "moo shake"....terrific food and awesome values!!!!! Cincinnati chick-fil-a's are a great example today of our Christian pride.....they ate packed and growing!!!!!



[image error] I call this: Spell-Chickin. 
Jankana Coblentz
THANK YOU DAN CATHY for Standing UP FOR GOD'S WORDS. :D

Fred Carleton
kudos to the boss for sticking with his God-loving principles. instead of lambasting him, the lame-stream-media ( if they had or used any brains ) would praise him as a God-fearing patriotic American of the 1st order.

Janet Antill
Thank you for standing up for christian morals! I've been married to the same man for 40 years! God's word should always stand before man's. Thanks again, God bless you.

Becky Stover
Thanking God for yummy food, and people willing to take a stand for what is right!

Chris Wray
Let's take that drive and actively tell others the good news found in Christ alone. A chicken sandwich tastes good, but only Christ saves.

[image error] And I'm proud to be American! Cuz at least I know I'm retarded! 
Sallie Pruitt-Payne
So tired of this Chick-fil-A stuff...just because you didn't make it there today to show support doesn't mean you are against the bible! Good grief ...I know my bible..and there aren't churches as packed as some of those places were today...show up to show support against gays? but can't show up in church to support God?? Ppl have their priorities mixed up...the bible also says to love thy neighbor....Christian ppl are supposed to pray for the ones who need God in their lives not make a public display against them..I am not for or against them..God will have the final say...
Rebecca Moss... BIBLE AND GOD!!!!!!!!!!!! STAND UP FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE AND DONT BE MOVED!!!!!!!!!!!! THE BIBLE CLEARLY SAYS THAT GOD CREATED MAN (ADAM) AND CREATED HIM A HELPMATE (EVE)!!!!!!!!!!!! MARRIAGE IN THE EYES OF GOD IS BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN.......NOT BETWEEN TWO WOMEN OR TWO MEN!!!!!!!!! THAT IS NOT ONLY UNHOLY IT IS JUST DOWN RIGHT SICK!!!!!!!!! WE AS CHRISTIANS MUST LOVE EVERYONE BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN WE HAVE TO AGREE WITH THEM OR BEND DOWN TO THEIR LEVEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND AS CHRISTIANS ...
Leon Dillard 
Now thats what im talkin bout . .. when you take a stand for God-- you're going to have people that hate you, disagree with you & try to dumb down sin. But if you stand & say.. what the bible says when someone ASKS you--we start to see these beautiful results. I stand & keep on standing with the bible. This never changes.

Krista Huddleston Wooley
Thank you God for all your blessings and allowing me, a sinner, to believe in you and your forgiveness of sins!!! For I know if it wasn't for that, I would believe just as many others do today! Way to go Chick-fil-A!!!

[image error] In her defense, Jesus was not known for his stellar screen-printing skills. 
Nathanael Loveless
To all people who claim to be Christians in this hour and actually know God and dont have a form of Godliness,please understand that the same attack that has come to Chick-fila over homosexuality is the same that will come against everyone who claims Jesus and knows that it is a terrible lifestyle in the eyes of God,and speaks out against it. Chick-fila was asked their stance on this and they took a stand for Jesus and what is morally right. Supporting them is just like supporting the church because in supporting them, as God's people and unsaved we are saying to the devil we will not let you pervert our society and our businesses with such demonic beliefs to have God destroy years of hardwork over not wanting to offend people over the truth.TAKE A STAND FOR JESUS AND HE WILL STAND FOR YOU.#GOAHEADCHICK-FILAWITHYOPROSPEROUSSELVES#

Rosalinda Victoria McNeal 
Chick-fil-A....got support today here in Knoxville....Went to two differnrent, packed....God is in CONTROL....God's truth stands forever

Joy Smith 
God can not look on sin! So good to see people stand against SIN! This is not hating people, but God hates SIN. As John the Baptist proclaimed, Repent, the kindom of God is at hand. God will forgive all sins if one asks Him and repent and turn to Jesus Christ.

Reuel Williams
#ChickFiLa is #Kingdom. I'm in the lot taklking with other #Christians I don't even know about keeping our feet on Satan's neck. What?!?!?!


[image error] He's never early, he's always late. One thing that you learn is that Christians gotta hate. I'm. Waiting for my fries. 
David Rock Nelson
Yes! Today is "Chick-Fil-A" Appreciation Day, "Fangs" to Brotha Huckaby! I want to go to one in Chicago, that was on news because owner said he believes in marriage between man & woman, not same sex. That's how "nature" has always been, the only way people an come into World is though a female egg & male seed, that's the only way it works. 2 "positives" can never cause a flow in current either, it's "impossible", that's how nature is & how our Creator, God/Jesus made it. Amen. -Rock!

Chuck Collier 
It is all about free speech. I have nothing against homo's but I do believe that marriage is between one man and one woman. If that offends you to bad!!!

Jacqueline Hart 
It's as if Satan drew a line in the sand and dared Chick-fil-A to cross it!...Now the Great Jehovah is raising up an army!...stand faithful to God and His ways, He'll show up faithful to you!"


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Christine Foxc Fox
I support chick-fil-a all the way. God said it, and that settles it.


Hank Fiorini
I HAD 2 PARK IN A K-MART LOT! ALL THE AILES IN CHICK-FIL-A JAMMED RIGHT UP 2 THE BACK WALL! BOARDMAN, OH! THANK U, FAGS AND TRAITORS! AND I'M SURE CHICK-FIL-A AND ITS EMPLOYEES THANKS U 2!

James Allen Wyatt 
The 'media' and homos -vs- JEHOVAH GOD. ANY QUESTION ABOUT WHO WILL THE UNQUESTIONABLE WINNER?

Tina Clark 
PRAISE GOD the devil cant win
GOD will not be defeated.....thanks to everyone for going to chick-fil-a today. I was standing in line and jyst dud not mind ir a bit.....GOD IS STILL IN CONTROL no matter how the world tries to destroy HIm.

Repent Trust Believe
What it comes to, is you either do, or you do not believe God's Word the Bible. It's really not confusing. The Bible says homosexuality is wrong, nay it is an abomination. So you either are saying the Bible is wrong or you are wrong. Thank you Chick-Fil-A for standing up for what is right. "True" followers of Christ Jesus have your back!



[image error] HAPPY ARE WE THAT HAVE BEEN WASHED CLEAN IN THE BLOOD OF THE LAMB!!!
Roy Steven Williams 
... our Lord God Jehovah. God created Eve for Adam spiritually. Homosexuallity is a practice that will never be God's will for any of us.
THINK ABOUT.....HOW IF ONE IS PRACTICING THE ACT AS A HOMOSEXUAL, HOW YOU ARE KEEPING GOD FROM FINDING THAT MAN FOR A WOMAN OR WOMAN FOR A MAN. THAT IS GOD'S CHOICE FOR YOUR TO MARRY. BUT YOUR CHOICE IS KEEPING GOD FROM YOU MEETING YOUR SOUL MATE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX; CAUSE OF YOUR SINFUL LIFESTYLE.

Elizabeth Mercedes Uselton
I support chick-fil-a. God made a man and a woman. & that is how it is suppost to be. I do agree that we are not to judge only God can judge, but His word does say that only man and woman should be together. Just because He hasn't done anything about it yet, doesn't mean that He won't. Judgement day is coming, and all will be judged.

Mark A Schminkey
Friends today is Chick-Fil-A appreciation day. As this world keeps going in the wrong direction away from God, His Son, Jesus, Messiah, Jeshua, Jehovah. Take time to stand for what the Bible says. If you don't someday we might not be able to in the USA. Today I have every excuse available to not go for I am unemployed and without a car. BUT God gave me legs that can walk and a local Chick-Fil-A that I will be going to to show support for a company that was bold enough to not be politically correct and stand up for what the Bible says. Maybe if we stood up for God and put Him back in charge and forgot about our feeling we might be blessed by God again and He could meet all of our needs.

Troy Elliott Eckhardt
I have never had such fun standing in a long line. The customers were all friendly, well mannered (including the children and teens,) and jovial. Many were praising God aloud. There were no sarcastic comments from angst-ridden teens with shrapnel in their faces, and no displeased, pushing people. Many people arrived at the end of the line cheering, and those already waiting joined them time and time again.

The place was almost bubbling with love and unity. Blacks, whites, and all intermediate shades of people of all sizes and ages were just pleased to be together in support of their God, His ideals, and an American businessman who is bold enough not to worship at the alter of humanistic political correctness. It was the most pleasant group of selfish, pharisaical, bigoted, hateful, homophobic, intolerant hypocrites I've ever seen.

My dear biased media and insensed libtards, your ridiculous plans for doing damage to Chick-fil-A backfired: Your feigned outrage only fueled the fire. I also think that you are DEAD WRONG about how fringy we "fundie wackos" are. JCP's stocks are in the toilet, and CFA's sales hit unbelieveable record highs today. Thanks to your hatred, their income today will pay for years of closed Sundays. When will you see that YOU are the fringe loonys?

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Let us pray... that this boy does not gain 200 pounds between now and his 18th birthday.

RAPE IS NEVER EVER EVER EVER FUNNY DANIEL TOSH EVER!!!

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So, Daniel Tosh told a rape joke on stage at a comedy club. But wait -- there's more. Actually, no, scratch that, there isn't. He told a rape joke. Daniel Tosh told a rape joke. And... okay, I'm honestly not sure what the rest of the story is. Two girls got mad. I think the story is that two girls got mad. And that rape is bad, of course.

This important, front-line news was broken by a blogger by the name of Breakfast Cookie on the website Cookies for Breakfast, which is the premier blog for photos of Nutella cakes with chocolate ganache and discussions about free speech. The woman in question wants Daniel Tosh to be blacklisted because he said something she didn't like.

You'd think people would just ignore this, and, honestly, I have no idea why they didn't. How did people find it? Maybe this cookie bitch is the daughter of some famous PR guy or something. I have no clue. It's a blog about cookies. Somehow, this one vague post was good enough FOR THE ENTIRE INTERNET and no one seemed to require any more information.

They got their pitchforks out and Daniel Tosh apologized because he didn't want his house to be burned down while screaming for a web redemption. 

Later, I tried discussing the situation with my 22-year-old niece Amber. Boy-oh-golly is she ever outraged! Things got so heated with Amber that she threw her clear-lens Grandma glasses across the room, grabbed a magic marker and started writing "RAPE CULTURE MAKES RAPES" all over her face. She said I would never be able to understand why rape jokes aren't okay unless she made a video about it. So she took the Canon 24-70 1.4 lens I bought her for her birthday and set to making a video. She's so industrious! Without further ado, my 22-year-old niece Amber.

Portraits of Ex-Jehovah's Witnesses

The people seen in these portraits left the Jehovah's Witnesses. Subsequently, they were shunned by their friends and family and labelled as apostates.

Here's what the Jehovah's Witnesses wrote about people who decide the religion isn't right for them (from the September, 2011 edition of The Watchtower.):

"Suppose that a doctor told you to avoid contact with someone who is infected with a contagious, deadly disease. You would know what the doctor means, and you would strictly heed his warning. Well, apostates are 'mentally diseased', and they seek to infect others with their disloyal teachings."

On July 4, 2012, these "mentally diseased" apostates held a barbecue in Pennsylvania. About 70 people were in attendance.

Not everyone felt comfortable having their portrait taken or allowing me to put their photos on the web. They know that if their family members found out they are "worldly," they may never see or hear from them again. Others are more comfortable in their lifestyle choice... or, they have no family and friends left to lose.

Click the photos for a larger view.

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(For more information on the meaning behind the Sparlock t-shirt, read my article How to Emotionally Screw With Your Children By Pretending Their Toys Are Satanic.)

A Woman Explains Why Women Aren't Funny (A Partial Defense of Adam Carolla)

Originally Published on Street Carnage: here

Last Saturday, in an interview with Larry Getlen in the New York Post, Adam Carolla was quoted as saying what every man I know secretly thinks anyway: men are, as a whole, funnier than women.“They make you hire a certain number of chicks, and they’re always the least funny on the writing staff. The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks,” he said, in preparation for a month of masturbating alone in his office.Immediately, outraged blog posts started popping up, and Adam was decried as a misogynist and an asshole and a bad father for insinuating that his daughter should become a sitcom writer because it’s easy.Despite this, that guy from The Man Show made it pretty clear that’s how he personally feels and he feels that way because he’s a comedian and it’s his business to feel that way. Adam also said he doesn’t particularly care what anybody thinks about it.So here’s what people think about it:1. Adam is mean and a jerk!
2. What if a woman said men weren’t funny?
3. He is wrong for not finding every woman alive absolutely hilarious! 
4. Grrrr! Vaginas! Change your mind, damnit!Now, I don’t know Adam Carolla, nor do I have any opinion on him. He could be a replicant, he could eat black babies. He could, in fact, actually hate women and rape one or two every day at lunch. This is information I don’t have. Ultimately, I don’t really think it’s relevant. The point is, every time a man says women aren’t funny, women respond in the same way. They say: You’re wrong.The problem is, by simply responding with “You’re an asshole and a woman hater,” you ignore the idea that individual human beings are entitled to their own sense of humor.For example, I don’t find a lot of humor in Def Comedy Jam, but that doesn’t mean I think the South should have won the Civil War. It means talking about black women’s weaves is just is not funny to me. It’s not my life experience. I don’t care if you pull a Clockwork Orange on my eyeballs and play Steve Harvey on an infinite loop while feeding me a heroic dose of mushrooms and tickling my feet—I’m not going to crack a smile at a man in purple double-breasted suit. I simply don’t care that white people dance like THIS.But no one would say the reason I’m bored by most Def Jam-style comics is because I’m a racist. I’m not expected to like it. So why does it have to be misogynistic to think most women aren’t funny?All this is to say: women actually are funny. Women are side-splittingly hilarious, in fact. Mostly to other women. To men, however, they’re usually kinda "meh." I’m a woman, but all of my favorite comedians are men. Does that mean I hate women, too? Do I hate myself? What if I take a hammer to my vagina and scream, “I NEVER WANTED YOU!” while pounding my clit into Veal Marsala and listening to Kathy Griffin? Choices!Poor, dead, Christopher Hitchens! His legacy, unfortunately, seems to be a boorish, vague observation in Vanity Fairthat women aren’t funny because, evolutionarily, they didn’t need to be. Sure, the man had some pretty solid arguments against religion and God and stuff, but let’s remember him for who his favorite female comedian was, shall we? Later, we’ll get a sneak peak at a posthumous recipe book for the Hitch’s favorite home-cooked meals: Linguiniis Not Great: How Ragu Poisons Everything.That women don’t need to be funny is an interesting argument, I guess, but there’s simply no way to prove it. Women don’t need to be funny? OK. I mean. Maybe? You either agree or disagree; and if you do agree it’s on the basis that it “sounds about right.” The baby ain’t swimming because the baby ain’t got no legs.How about this. How about instead of saying that women aren’t funny (which is histrionic, overreaching, and based in opinion) let’s say this instead: Most men don’t find most women funny. And this, in turn, really pisses off most women. Because they find themselves fucking hilarious.Instead of getting all red-faced and angry about men not thinking I’m funny (mercy me, whatever shall I do?), I decided that I wanted to delve deeper into the question itself. That is: Why don’t men think women are funny? After some thought, I came up with this hypothesis: I bet it has something to do with their jokes. With the help of a magical wizard named YouTube the White, I watched five 5-7 minute (industry standard) sets from five men and five women who are well-respected in the comedy scene as of late. These are not open-mikers, they are rising stars. I purposely did not include great comics such as David Cross, Patton Oswalt, Louis CK, Sarah Silverman, Maria Bamford, or anyone who has had measurable long-term success as a comedian.Instead, I chose the type of comics who show up in a HuffPo “Comics we’d love to get pedicures with!” photo spread. Where possible, I used a set that had aired on late-night television. I wrote down every premise they covered and then I compared notes.The subjects the women spoke about were essentially all the same. They were, in short, all about themselves. Their life, their hair, their roommates, their feelings. In other words, all the female comedy was turned inward. Out of five 7-minute sets, there were only three jokes that spoke about outside events and only one joke about politics. It took 28 minutes before I laughed aloud.The men, on the other hand, rarely spoke about themselves. Jokes about their appearance were used as soft openers in order to lead the audience into the set. This is not to say that male comedians are not capable of being horrible, self-involved, rambling bores. Dear God, are they ever! But out of my personal test group, they were not. They spoke liberally about history, religion, and politics. They spoke in pithy, crafted observations. Never once did they mention they felt fat.Below is the list of topics I faithfully wrote down as each new premise presented itself (where topics repeated between comedians, I placed a numeric tally after the premise). In alphabetical order: Female ComicsApartment is annoying 
Bathroom attendants 
Being a female comedian (x2) 
Cosmo Magazine 
Dating is awkward (x2) 
Diamonds 
Did poorly in school 
Doesn’t want kids because she’s “selfish” 
Gay marriage 
Gynecologists/pap smears 
Hangovers 
Hates New York 
Her body (x2) 
Her mom (x2) 
Her vagina 
How guys hit on her 
It’s hard being a woman, putting on makeup, and wearing heels and stuff 
Jizz 
Just got engaged 
Just went through a breakup 
Masturbation 
Roommate is annoying 
Sex and condoms 
She’s flat-chested 
She’s fat 
She’s too pretty to do standup (x2) 
What she’s wearing 
What/who she looks like (x2) 
YogaMale comics: 
Alaska 
Being thanked on an elevator 
Clichés people use 
Free AIDS clinics 
God won’t help you bowl/God doesn’t exist 
Having sex with animals 
His name 
Holding the phone between your ear and shoulder 
How to treat AIDS 
If the Jews killed Jesus 
Jail shows 
Mayan 2012 prediction 
People asking him where he’s from 
Pickle juice 
The “ethnic needs” section of the supermarket 
The age of sliced bread 
The Cyclone at Coney Island 
The Roman Empire 
The storylines behind rollercoasters 
Vegan soul food 
What/who he looks like (x2) 
White chocolate is racist
The first difference I noticed was how much easier it would be to guess the male comedians by looking at their premises. If you saw "Coney Island rollercoaster" and you know anything about comedy, you immediately know the comic I’m talking about. But, say, did you hear the one about the…vagina? You know the one about the vagina? Am I right, ladies? Oh yes, that one vagina joke. I’ve heard that one!It’s not that women aren’t funny. That’s a stupid-ass thing to think, since obviously there are funny women.However, I think female comedians don’t really want to relate to a greater audience. And ultimately, I think their core audience is just fine with this. If bachelorette parties are entertained and gay men are drinking it up, the comediennes are doing their job. Just like Def Jam and the Blue Collar Comedy Tour do what they’re paid to do. A lot of comedy is pandering to a core audience.Interestingly, when men point out the women they DO find funny, they inevitably point to comedians such as Tina Fey and Sarah Silverman. That is, it’s the women who break this self-involved stereotype—comics who don’t constantly talk about themselves, and if they do, there’s a punchline. Comics who write jokes instead of telling stories. Comics who are harsh and focused and practiced. Women at the top of their craft.Let me talk to the ladies in the crowd for just a minute here. Ladies? If you want men to find you funny, I’m afraid you’re going to need to broaden your topics of conversation. You’re going to need to talk about books and things outside your studio apartment in Brooklyn. However, if you don’t want men to find you funny, then just keep doing what you’re doing. Talk about yourself all day and all night! Talk about dating and read from your fourth-grade diary until the crowd carries you off on its shoulders. However, don’t squirt your period all over the couch when Adam Carolla says he doesn’t think most women are funny and doesn’t want to hire them for his show. Because you have the ability to change that.Before you write a joke, why don’t you ask yourself: Do I actually have anything new to say? Am I adding value to people’s insights and beliefs? Or do I just tell stories and expect everyone in the audience to find me as adorable as my family and friends do?How about this:Instead of getting angry at men for saying you’re not funny, why don’t you go on stage before them and kill so fucking hard that they can’t follow you? Why don’t you write killer material and shove it in their face until they can’t deny how great you are? Why don’t you do what every other comic does and use your anger and determination as fuel to destroy the crowd?There’s a lot of competition and resentment in comedy. Comedians are fucking assholes. If that upsets or intimidates you—male or female—then I’d say you’re not cut out for it. However, if it doesn’t upset you and inspires you, then get on stage and blow the room away and show Adam Carolla he was dead wrong. And if you can’t do that, then you’re not really funny, are you?

Jersey City Photo Shoot

A few selects from a shoot I did in Jersey City this week.

The shoot was coordinated by the talented Adam Himber of Parlay Studios (which is a gorgeous and surprisingly huge photo and film studio in Jersey City).

Adam was nice enough to hook us up with a Profoto Prohead, and the model ended up being an incredibly cool chick who also lives in my neighborhood.

End result: I now have experience with a new piece of industry standard lighting equipment, and all three of us have something to show for the day.

These are a couple of the shots:

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Cat Whisperer Gets Owned

This happened at a friend's party. Chris was taunting this cat for quite some time before he got his comeuppance. Something told me to film. I just had one of those feelings.

Puppy! Bathtime!

It's a puppy! He had a bath! It's motherfucking puppy bath time! 

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Photography is for rich people

I enjoy photography. Lately, I've been trying to develop a cohesive lighting style. It may or may not surprise you to know that it's not easy. That's right, lighting design is hard. I said it here. Let the controversy begin!
As of right now, I'm in between being a good photographer and being an okay one. It's a weird artistic place to be. I'll get more Facebook comments on a fuzzy iPhone photo of my cat than on a perfect portrait I spent the day setting up a 9-foot parabolic umbrella for. 
You can't really blame the general audience. They don't know what to look for in photography (besides, part of doing your job is that people don't notice you did it). Instagram is the new Facebook. Urban Outfitters sells Holgas. Add some light-leak effects on your iPhone. Use Auto Depth-of-Field to get that cool "some stuff is blurry, some stuff isn't" look. Add a vignette. It's all art when you don't know what actually goes into making art.
If you want to be a cash-money paid photographer, you'd better be prepared to bust your ass. Or, have someone who is paying your rent. Because prosumer SLRs with a kit lens are on sale in Best Buy. Photo Dad is loose in Manhattan, lens hood on indoors, taking flash photos of the moon. When everyone's a photographer, that means no one is a photographer.

And no one is paying for photographers these days. Photojournalism is officially dead, in fact, newspaper editors have been instructed to shoot and rape professional photographers on site. Why would anyone pay for photos when Photo Dad is running around? He'll do it for 50 bucks! He'll do it for free, just give him a credit! Being a photographer in 2012 means not worrying about where your next paycheck is coming from. Or, it means struggling for the love of your art. But who can afford to do that these days?

And that's how you get stupid whores like this:

http://www.jasmine-star.com/

Jasmine Star. Rockstar photographer. International wedding photographer. Shooting star.
What does it say about a photographer when a Google image search turns up more pictures of your face than it does of your work? 
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From the About Me section on Jasmine's website:
Have you ever wanted something so badly it made your chest ache with longing? I had this ache a few times in my life. For a My Little Pony doll. For the LA Gear pump shoes... I left law school and started my business in 2006 and have since filled the ache in my chest with happiness that percolates from my heart. I fell in love with Love. The joy and fulfillment I receive in documenting the most special moments on a wedding day compares to nothing else. My Little Pony and LA Gear pump shoes included.

Yes, she compared photography to a fucking My Little Pony doll. And she is one of the highest paid wedding photographers working today. She also fell in love with love, which, as an aside, I feel compelled to mention is an unhealthy outlook on relationships. 

The way she describes her transformation into a photographer, she might as well have become a ballerina or an astronaut. She's Photography Barbie, and she's workin' it, girlfriend! Fabulous! She is everything that is wrong with art, and probably everything that is wrong with people. Her forced humility would be believable if only she weren't charging upwards of $1000 a head for her photography seminars.

Also, she sounds like this:


As you may have noticed, she is talking about her bangs and lipstick. That's because she used to be a model. So, yeah. That just happened.
But, hey, she's a star! Be a star! Or, if you can't be a star, be rich! And buy expensive equipment! Or call yourself a star and people will believe it! And always shoot in RAW and have someone else clean up your mess in post, because there is no fucking way on earth that twit knows what she's doing. 
Here's one of her photos:

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At first glance, it looks like a naturally lit snapshot of a perfect couple. But what's going on with the focus? How is it that his face and flower are blurred, but the pocket on the same plane is in focus? Meanwhile, the bottom of the tie is... what the fucky fuck? Are you using a magical unicorn for depth-of-field? It's like a retard with a blur tool got loose in the jpgs. Or, someone had to do something in post to make this otherwise flat image look interesting.

When someone tells you that it's not the equipment, it's the photographer, they are sort-of lying. They just want to sound romantic. Think about it: what painter would tell you that it doesn't matter what canvas and paint you use? Sure, just drop some melted crayon on that copier paper, it's all about your vision.

The truth is, it's going to cost you about $6,000 to get started as a semi-professional. Enter Jasmine Star, the former model turned artiste who could afford to quit law school in order to teach you everything she knows about photography. I am not sure if that includes have someone else optimize your images. 
Personally, I hope that if I just keep plugging along on my own, I'll improve as a photographer. In the meantime, at least I'm not Jasmine Star. I'm not teaching any seminars because I know enough to know that I don't have anything to teach people. There's somewhere I need to go and I'm not there yet. I'm no "shooting star", I guess. 
If I keep learning and paying attention to those around me who know more than me, maybe one day I'll be a great photographer. However, if you think you're already a shooting star, where else is there to go? What else is there to learn about your craft?

After all, when you see a star from earth, it's already dead.


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Why You Shouldn't Care About Offending Jehovah's Witnesses

Please go to Street Carnage and read my latest essay about the failed word ban in the NY public school system and how this relates to the Jehovah's Witnesses.


About a month ago, the New York Public School System released (and then quickly backpedaled on) a list of words they would like banned from standardized tests.To recap what you probably already know, the list included 50 potentially upsetting or offensive terms such as birthday, dinosaurs, dancing, pepperoni, and swimming pools.

Read more...

I was on NPR as the "resident racist".

If you missed it, I was on the Pat Morrison show on NPR in Los Angeles discussing "Hipster Racism". This was after Gawker called me an angry neocon. Let's call it "opposite week". I'm surprised no one accused me of being a pigfucker just to hear me deny it.

I was a bit nervous to go on a legit news station and defend ironic racism. That kind of thing can bode poorly on a job interview. However, since I'm not actually a racist, I decided it couldn't be that big of a deal. What could I possibly say to condemn myself? I think racism is bad? People don't necessarily feel comfortable standing up for something like this, because it could very easily tip out of their favor. However, I have no common sense. So I did it instead.

I think it went well and you can hardly even hear me peeing myself.

Here's a writeup about the interview by Gavin McInnes on Street Carnage: http://www.streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/blog/npr-weighs-in-on-hipster-racism/

And here's the main NPR link with the whole show:
http://www.scpr.org/programs/patt-morrison/2012/05/04/26332/is-ashton-kutchers-generation-aware-of-racist-cari