Lamar Hardwick's Blog, page 15

The Decline of Decency (And How to Get it Back)

*This post has not yet been edited (I needed to get these thoughts out now)

“Justice is a lost cause. Evil is epidemic. Decent people throw up their hands. Protest and rebuke are useless, a waste of breath.” Amos 5:13 MSG

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Cats meow. Dogs bark. We don’t get surprised when a cat meows. We don’t get offended when dogs bark. We expect it because it is what they do and it is who they are.

A good friend once gave me this advice when helping me through a difficult relationship with someone who was simply put, a jerk. He taught me not to be surprised when people behave in ways that are consistent with their character.

Growing up I heard enough harsh language directed at me by my peers that I eventually learned how to turn it down, turn it off, and eventually I learned to turn it on them. The problem is that what I was really learning to do was to have a disregard for decency.

If you grew up in the eighties like I did we had a mantra that made this every child’s mission. “I’m rubber and you’re glue. Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you!” 

Sounds silly, but we actually meant it. We embraced it. We used it as permission to allow ourselves to lower our standards and engage in indecent behavior and banter because we learned that saying it first or saying it louder made us bigger, better, and more powerful.

What’s most troubling about our current culture is not that people say horrible things, it’s that many decent people seem to be throwing up their hands and throwing down their standards and as a result we have all abandoned a sense of decency and dignity in the way that we talk to and about each other.

When I read the words of Amos the prophet I can literally feel his frustration. I expect cats to meow. I expect dogs to bark. What I don’t expect is for decent people to quit being decent people.

I am encouraged though that Amos doesn’t just leave it there.

Seek good and not evil and live! You talk about God, the God-of-the-Angel-Armies, being your best friend. Well, live like it, and maybe it will happen.- Amos 5:14 MSG

If I am going to be completely honest just the other day I almost threw my own hands up. I was ready to lower my standards, but I remembered an old proverb.

When you wrestle in the mud with a pig you both get dirty, the only difference is the pig actually likes it.

So I took the advice of Amos and I decided to seek good and not evil and am inviting you to consider three important ways to restore a sense of decency and dignity in our discussions and dialogue during these dangerously indecent times.

 

1. Care about what others care about.

“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.” -Paul (emphasis added)

One of the misunderstood aspects of autism spectrum disorder is that those on the spectrum lack empathy. After I was diagnosed with ASD I understood why people thought they understood me. In reality most people still don’t understand me especially as it relates to how I express my emotions. Ironically, I think the misconception about empathy is actually rooted in an overstated importance of empathy. Don’t get more wrong empathy is important, but if you look at the actual definition of empathy then you will realize that empathy actually carries no moral or ethical guidelines.

Empathy is the ability to understand or anticipate a person’s perspective and to share in their feelings. Empathy can be good, but sharing in the feelings of others isn’t always positive especially if those feelings and attitudes are morally wrong.

The larger problem with empathy is that empathy at its core reinforces implicit bias. It is very easy for me to empathize with those whom I can identify with. People and people groups that are most similar to me actually become the group(s) that I am most likely to share feelings with.

When you think about it, empathy only really requires that I attempt to understand those whom I can most easily identify with. This type of empathy can lead to further bias because I am compelled to only care about what people who are most like me care about.

If we want to resurrect the forgotten value of honor we must partner empathy with compassion. Compassion is what gives empathy the moral integrity that it needs to truly be effective. Compassion means that I choose to love, support, and interact with people in crisis even if I don’t share their story. I connect with people who are different from me because of compassion not empathy.

Compassion also cautions us from trying to rewrite the narratives of others because it doesn’t connect with our personal experience.

Empathy without compassion is simply group think (or group feel) and when how my group thinks and feels becomes my only concern I lose a sense of value for the thoughts, feelings, and experiences of others.

We live in a culture where no one actually cares what they say or feel about others because they don’t care what others say or feel about them. We pride ourselves on not caring what others think as if it is a badge or honor and nobility to live completely detached from the way people experience us. This is not freedom. It is a false pride that leads to an utter lack of decency and humanity. While having a healthy sense of self-worth is important, it is virtually impossible to create a culture of honor if we refuse to reflect on how our actions and words cause others to view us.

If you’re a leader this is especially true.

“…the powerful have to worry about how others think of them..”- Malcolm Gladwell

We have to care about the things that others care about.

2.Learn to argue about what is right and not just who is right.

“You fools! You know how to interpret the weather signs of the earth and sky, but you don’t know how to interpret the present times. Why can’t you decide for yourselves WHAT is right?”-Jesus  (emphasis added)

Decency at its core is about standards. Standards are about measurement. Measurements are objective. Objectives are about goals.

Disagreements are a natural part of human interaction. I would be a naive fool to think that everyone will always have the same perspective and the same solutions to issues. While we can’t get around the debates and the disagreements about what everyone believes about what the right things are, we can start by agreeing to actually fight about and for the right things.

The decline of decency has been exposed in our inability to stay focused on what is right instead of who is right. “What is right” is about standards. “What is right” is about objectives and goals. “What is right” is about choosing community over competition.

When we choose to fight about who is right who choose the lesser of the two missions. Conflict is a reality but when the goal is to be right instead of doing what is right we make conflict personal instead of making it purposeful.

3. Admit that our “flaw finders” are faulty.

Jesus once cautioned against judging others not merely because judging others was wrong, but primarily because our ability to find flaws is faulty.

“How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye?”-Jesus

What we often fail to understand about ourselves is that we can’t see past the filters of our own perspectives let alone call out the flaws of others. We all have filters. We all view the world through a particular set of lenses that are shaped by our context, our age, our race, our gender, our nationality, and our education just to name a few of those “logs” that Jesus was speaking about.

The technical term for the filters that form our subconscious views is implicit bias.

If we have any shot at returning to a sense of decency and decorum in the face of disagreements we must admit that our life comes with a particular set of lenses that color how we view the world. Until I can admit that I have a log in my eye I won’t recognize the limits of my own judgement and when I falsely believe that my judgement is unlimited I assume the role of a disinterested and distant deity and in the process I destroy any chance for human decency.

“God keeps track of the decent folk; what they do won’t soon be forgotten. In hard times, they’ll hold their heads high; when the shelves are bare, they’ll be full.” Psalm 37:18 MSG

When times get hard and the language and rhetoric are harsh and harmful. Don’t raised your hands raise your standards. When it’s hard not to throw your hands up and give up, stay true to God, speak the truth in love, and hold up your head but most importantly hold up your standards because God is keeping track.

Keep it decent- Pastor L

Circuit Breakers and Sensory Overload

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“A circuit breaker is an automatically operated electrical switch designed to protect an electrical circuit from damage caused by excess current, typically resulting from an overload or short circuit. Its basic function is to interrupt current flow after a fault is detected. Unlike a fuse, which operates once and then must be replaced, a circuit breaker can be reset (either manually or automatically) to resume normal operation.”

Our home has an outlet that often gets overloaded when we plug the iron into the power socket. I can always tell that the circuit is going to flip because the lights flutter first. It’s always a sign of too much input which normally leads to the circuit breaker shutting itself off to protect itself from permanent damage. 

Sensory overload is one the most unseen and misunderstood aspects of ASD. On Thursday I took our oldest son to watch the Atlanta Falcons play in the new Mercedes Benz Stadium. It’s a beautiful facility and we had lots of fun. 

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My brain however tends to take in way too much input in large settings like concerts and football games and even church. I love being there, but I know that eventually the circuit in my brain will trip and I will have to reset it and start all over again. 

What that normally means for me is complete and utter exhaustion. Normally that means a day of extreme fatigue and I am rarely able to get out of bed and my immune system stops working. 

Today is one of those days. Thursday I took in too much input. Friday my circuit flipped. Today I am resting and resetting. This is autism spectrum disorder. This is my life, but having the chance to watch an NFL game with my son made it all worth while. 

Something Like Superman

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I love superheroes. For as long as I can remember I wanted to be a super hero. Growing up in the 1980’s I can remember my excitement of waking up early Saturday morning and pouring myself a giant bowl of cereal and planting my self in front of the television so that I could watch all of my favorite Saturday morning cartoons. Wonder Woman. Super Friends. Spider Man and his Amazing Friends, and of course the king of all superheroes, Superman.

I’ve always had a fascination with Superman. I mean who doesn’t want to have super strength, super speed, the ability to see through walls, and the ability to fly. As a child I wished that I could be Superman but mostly because I wanted people to like me the way that people seemed to really like him.

Over the years there have been many movies, cartoons, and television shows starring the “man of steel” but one of my favorites was the most recent movie by the same title not necessarily because it was the best rendition of Superman, but because of one scene that has been extremely helpful in helping me understand my life after being diagnosed with ASD in 2014. Take a look at the scene below.

About a year ago I did a FB live Q&A session for The Mighty. I was grateful for the opportunity to share my story with the world and to answer questions from literally thousands of people who watched live and even some who watched later. As someone who lived decades without a proper diagnoses, I was encouraged by the out pouring of positive comments.

One comment however, threw me for a loop.

“You’re a hero.”

“Who me?”

Not really I’m just a guy trying to live my life and share my story with others in hopes that it will inspire them to educate themselves about autism and find ways to become more inclusive and accommodating to those with an autism diagnosis.

I thought to myself, “I’m not a hero.”

On the other hand, the child in me that always wanted to be Superman, so desperately wanted to claim the hero status that some well intended and quite encouraging person wanted to bestow upon me. I mean I’ve waited my whole life to be admired like Superman. Perhaps this was my shot.

Over the last few years, I’ve learned that I am actually somewhere in the middle and that I am in fact something like Superman.

Like young Clark in the video clip above, I struggle with sensory processing. Noises that are normal to you are loud to me. That also means that I hear things in ways that sometimes other people don’t. I don’t have X-ray vision, but I do see the world in ways that others don’t. I see patterns and I am often able to predict the outcome of a scenario simply by understanding patterns, rhythms and systems at work. I am even able to understand human behavior in ways that others can’t because peoples behavior follows often follows a predictable pattern. I see it. Sometimes others can’t.

I see words in ways that create images. I can see the connection between words and their meanings and origins. I see patterns in conversation and writing styles. I can take in large amounts of written imagery and translate it rapidly into useful information. As a result I am an excellent story-teller and I have a gift for explaining complicated subjects in very simple and practical ways.

So maybe I am a hero. I may just be something like Superman, but like Superman my powers are really just a product of the environment that I have to live in.

When you watch the clip of young Clark, he struggles with sensory processing because in his words “The world is too big.” I can relate.

You see, if you know anything about Superman (and I am not assuming you’re a comic book nerd like me) then you know that Superman is actually from a different planet. Krypton to be exact.

On Krypton, where Superman is really from, he’s actually not all that special. He wouldn’t be super strong or fast. He wouldn’t have heat or X-ray vision. He wouldn’t be a hero at all. The thing that makes him the hero that we admire is that he lives in a world that his brain and body were not built for.

When you read the comics, it turns out that Superman is really just Kal-El and his powers come from the fact that on Earth the gravity is weaker than on his home planet (which is why he can fly) and the yellow sun’s radiation gives him super strength (as opposed to the red sun from his home planet). Simply put he is a hero because of the environment that he is forced to live in.

So maybe I am a hero after all, not because of me but because as an adult with autism spectrum disorder, I also live in a world that my brain and body are not built for. Like Clark, I’ve had to learn to “make the world smaller” so that I can manage life on this strange planet where everything is loud and people don’t understand me, I don’t understand this thing called body language, and perhaps in the process of me doing my thing I have unknowingly and unintentionally displayed some type of strength that makes you think that I am a hero.

In the end I am something like Superman because I am an ordinary guy doing ordinary things, in an extraordinarily difficult world to live in and while that may make me appear to be a hero, like Superman I’d much rather have an environment that felt a little more like home.

Ok, just so you don’t miss the punch line. I am only a hero because I have to be, not necessarily because I want to be, nor because it has to be that way. If you’re going to be inspired be inspired to change the environment so that people with disabilities don’t have to be hero’s they can just feel at home.

A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles. -Christopher Reeve

-Pastor L  #autismpastor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3 Ways To Becoming A More Diverse and More Disabled Church.

It is time for parents to teach young people early on that in diversity there is beauty and there is strength.-Maya Angelou

I love diversity. Growing up my father was in the military so we traveled the world and at a young and impressionable age I was fortunate to experience different cultures. In addition my father was also a pastor and both he and my mother we raised in southern Georgia which contributed to the richness of our lives by placing us at the center of the black church experience. Our up bringing was the nearly the perfect blend of the celebration of African-American culture along with the love for expanding our experience by learning to love other cultures. The late Dr. Angelou would have been proud. We were taught the beauty and strength of diversity.

The pursuit of diversity and inclusion carries with it a deeply spiritual dynamic that generally cannot be experienced otherwise. Perhaps this why American Christianity is attempting to be much more intentional about becoming diverse. Over the last several years I have watched as several new and existing houses of worship began championing the cause and calling to diversity.  Perhaps we are beginning to learn the spiritual and theological implications of remaining separate, after all one of the primary images in the Bible used to describe the Christian church is a “body.” Dr. Christena Cleveland in her book Disunity in Christ writes,

“If we are a body, then we are one that is afflicted with an auto-immune disease.”

I believe that the church is beginning to realize, even after all of these centuries, that we truly are better together than we are apart. Even with all of the messiness and mistakes that come along with trying to celebrate the diversity of God’s creation, we just may be finally willing to work through it for the cause of Christ.

As a pastor I have been blessed to be a part of a church that decided to charge that hill 25 years ago when it was founded with the vision for creating a community of diversity in a county and region that was still dealing with the heavy residue of racial injustice and segregation. For those whose broad shoulders I stand on, I am grateful. Without their knowing, God used them to create a community and a platform for a young 39-year-old  pastor to lead the church toward the next frontier of diversity. That next frontier, finding meaningful was to become a more diverse church by becoming a more disabled church.[image error]

In 2014, when I was finally diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (Aspergers) I joined the autism community and the disability community. Just one year prior to my diagnosis, I was appointed the Lead Pastor position at my church. Unbeknownst to the congregation or its leadership, our church in our little town in our little section of the world would make its own personal history because their new pastor would several months later share with that he had been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder at age 36 years old.

With all the focus of diversity in the local church I have learned through my personal experience that diversity does not stop at racial and ethnic diversity. The church in general has a long journey ahead of continually raising the banner of diversity and I am proud to be a large part of that conversation, beginning right here at the church that I call home.

I believe our church is a model, not because we have an entire program up and running exactly the way we envision, but because over the last 2 years we have deepened our understanding and committment to the disability community by building on our fundamental committment to diversity.

We are still very much a work in progress but there are three simple things that we have learned to become more intentional at doing as we seek to include disability in the discussion and pursuit of diversity.

On one occasion Jesus tells a parable about a sower who scatters seed as a way of explaining both the purpose and the process of his kingdom. He later spends time with his disciples explaining this story and it is from these few verses that I’d like to share just a few ways that we begun to approach expanding our conversation and culture of diversity to include disability and for us it begins with a simple story that Jesus shares about seeds, sowers, and soil.

18 “Now listen to the explanation of the parable about the farmer planting seeds: 19 The seed that fell on the footpath represents those who hear the message about the Kingdom and don’t understand it. Then the evil one comes and snatches away the seed that was planted in their hearts.20 The seed on the rocky soil represents those who hear the message and immediately receive it with joy. 21 But since they don’t have deep roots, they don’t last long. They fall away as soon as they have problems or are persecuted for believing God’s word. 22 The seed that fell among the thorns represents those who hear God’s word, but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the worries of this life and the lure of wealth, so no fruit is produced. 23 The seed that fell on good soil represents those who truly hear and understand God’s word and produce a harvest of thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times as much as had been planted!”  (Matthew 13:18-23 NLT)

In this simple and short explanation of the sower story, Jesus points to three primary problems/barriers for the seed successful integration into the soil and in response I’d like to offer three suggestions on how to address those barriers to building a more diverse and more disabled congregation.

Barrier 1: Lack of understanding.  One of the primary barriers to building a church of inclusion is lack of understanding. Simply put, if you want to change the communication and culture in your church to include disability in the diversity discussion focus on education.

Suggestion: Create a learning culture.  Find ways to provide as much education and exposure to issues facing the disability community. When I was diagnosed with ASD in December of 2014 I was immediately confronted with how little the people around me knew about autism and disabilities in general. The church must be intentional about learning. Preach and teach about disability. Invite individuals with disabilities to share their experience and help educate the congestion. A lack of understanding will almost certainly always lead to a lack of inclusion.

Barrier 2. Life’s problems. In the original parable of the sower (Matthew 13:3-8)  Jesus states that the second group of seed lacks roots and subsequently falls away. In his analogy he shares that life’s problems (hot sun) is the primary cause for the wilted plants. If you want to serve the disability community help them not only be present in your church but also help them to be planted in your church.

Suggestion: Create a linking culture. Helping families and individual with disabilities connect to your church is essential. The goal shouldn’t be just to make room for them but to help make roots for them. One of the best ways to accomplish this is to help them address the areas of life where the “sun” is beating down on them. In other words create roots by addressing real issues that they may have. In this aspect I believe Jesus is pushing us past spiritual programming and toward practical problem solving community based ministry. Find out what they really need besides your prayers and well wishes. Consider surveying the disability community and ask what the needs are. Create support groups and service opportunities based on their felt needs. If you want to help them get rooted you have to be willing to deal with their reality.

Barrier 3: Limited by thorns. This one is fairly complex. Jesus notes that issue with this group of seed is its lack of fruit. He also states that there are thorns that are blocking these plants from being fruitful. This one will be the most painful one to address. In essence the plants are present and growing but they are not allowed to reach their full potential. The thorns are stopping them from bearing fruit.

Suggestion: Create a leadership culture. I have always believed that you can measure an organizations real committment to diversity by observing who it allows to lead and have influence. Having disabled people in your congregation isn’t enough if their voices and influence don’t help shape the direction of the church. This is not simply a ploy to position them for influence regarding all things disability related in your church. While that is needed, removing the thorns means deconstructing ideology and culture within your church that prevents a disabled person from being fruitful in their personal relationship with Christ, including leadership in the church. They should be encouraged and permitted to exercise the totality of their God-given gifts which includes leadership in the church. If we truly want disability to be a part of our diversity then we must do the work of removing the thorns that stop people from being fruitful and fulfilled at our churches. This will look different for every church, but a few ways that we have managed to remove the thorns is by allowing for me me to maintain an unconventional schedule, being more aware and more accommodating with my personal needs in regard to sensory input and social activities. Adjusting to more efficient means of communication to accommodate my needs. Building in staff, elder, and congregational support to assist in my areas of weakness so that I can focus on exercising my gifts rather than feeling guilty about areas where I will not excel.

As a pastor with a developmental disability I realize that have been tremendously blessed to be able to bear fruit because my current church context has willingly removed barriers that could have potentially blocked me from being my best for God. Including the disability community in our efforts to be more diverse congregations is not easy, and in reality it is never an exact science but I do believe it is one of God’s greatest desires because without the disability community present and participating in our congregations, the church is at best only at half strength.

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Keep The Faith Friday: Joining the Symphony

“Take this most seriously: A yes on earth is yes in heaven; a no on earth is no in heaven. What you say to one another is eternal. I mean this. When two of you get together on anything at all on earth and make a prayer of it, my Father in heaven goes into action. And when two or three of you are together because of me, you can be sure that I’ll be there.” Matthew‬ ‭18:18-20‬ ‭MSG‬‬

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Being autistic means that I also have sensory processing issues. Loud noises normally have a negative impact on my mental, emotional, and sometimes physical health. I loathe loud noises because it is an absolute assault on my brain. Honestly my brain is just not built for loud people, places and spaces. 

There is one thing that I do like loud. I like my music loud. When people ask me why loud music doesn’t bother me I tell them it’s simple. It’s because the instruments are united. 

In Matthew 18:19-20 Jesus shares some age old wisdom about the power of harmony. After spending sometime sharing about the value of humility and community, Jesus turns his attention to sharing about the value of harmony. In fact the very word Jesus uses for “agree” is where we get the English word for symphony.

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Jesus makes a promise worth paying attention to. Harmony helps with experiencing the divine. Surrounding ourselves with those who are seeking the same is like experiencing the beauty of a symphony. 

One valuable lesson I’ve learned in my personal life, ministry life, and autism advocacy is to silence the noise of negativity by signing up for this spiritual symphony. 

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If you want to avoid the noise of negativity surround yourself with people who are seeking and celebrate the presence of the divine and not the painful noise of division. 

Divine health, help, and hope is found in harmony.

Keep the faith. 

Pastor L a.k.a The Autism Pastor

Fear, Faith, Philando and How The Church is Failing.

Most people who know me know that I am fairly apolitical. I don’t attach myself to a political party or persuasion by choice. I’ve always tried to use my platform and my influence wisely. I prefer to do my work on the ground. I serve a church where racial, gender, and economic diversity are high values. We believe in racial reconciliation and justice. I serve a community that I am proud to say is making a real effort in tackling these tough issues. I have served with many others in our community on a racial trust building initiative in our community over the last couple of years. We are invested in making a difference, and I believe that we are making progress.

With that being said, what I am about to share is very raw and very honest.

“Fear is one of the persistent hounds of hell that dog the footsteps of the poor, the dispossessed, the disinherited. There is nothing new or recent about fear-it is doubtless as old as the life of man on the planet. Fears are of many kinds-fear of objects, fear of people, fear of the future, fear of nature, fear of the unknown, fear of old age, fear of disease, and fear of itself. “- Howard Thurman

On Tuesday of this week, along with millions of people around the world, I watched the horrifying results of fear as a man seated in his vehicle was shot to death by a police officer in front of a woman and a four-year old child. Before I continue I want to be clear. I am not a police officer. I am not a politician . I am a parent and I am a pastor. Those two things alone are what inform what I am about to share.

I am (and have been) deeply angered and troubled over the state of affairs in our nation (and around the globe). I think everyone is, so in that regard I don’t consider myself special in any way. We are all upset, but there is something about this video and this case that penetrated my soul.

When I watched the video of seven shots being fired into the vehicle that contained a four-year old child, the only thing that I saw was fear. Fear controlled the situation. Consternation won the competition over compassion. Fear had complete control and as always when fear is the emotion that communicates the choices we should make, death always occurs.

“Fear is such a powerful emotion for humans that when we allow it to take us over, it drives compassion right out of our hearts.”- Thomas Aquinas

This is the power of fear. Fear always leads us to sentence one another to death and the same fear always seeks to acquit itself of wrong doing. Fear is the problem that presents itself as the answer. The truth is however, where there is no compassion there can never be correction. Perhaps that’s why Paul insists that “God does not give us a spirit of fear.”

As a parent of three young African-American boys (our youngest who is also four years old) I often feel hopeless. Honestly I am afraid. Some people think that I shouldn’t be afraid but I am. I am a husband, father, and pastor. I am a community leader. I am a public figure. Like many I have a past that I have grown and learned from, but I have never been in any real trouble. I follow the rules. I don’t break the law. I have respect for authority and law enforcement. I do my best to serve my community. My wife can tell you that I am such a straight arrow that I don’t even go over the speed limit.

Yet if I were to be completely honest, when I see police behind me on the road, even if I am 100% sure that I have broken no laws, I am deathly afraid. This fear didn’t start because of recent events over the last few years. I became afraid in 1991 when I watched Rodney King be beaten by four police officers on camera only for the initial trial to result in their acquittal. I was 13 years old, and at the time I didn’t know much about the case, all I knew was that I watched a man get brutally beaten by the police and for the last 26 years of my life I have been afraid of the police.

On September 12th, 2001 I had a personal encounter with police that could have ended my life. The tension was high that day because just 24 hours earlier our country had been attacked by terrorists. At the time I was a young manager for a large retail company and I had just finished up the evening by closing down the store. With the night crew inside stocking shelves, I followed protocol by driving my car around the building to be sure that it was secure.

When I reached the side alley of the building I noticed a car backed in front of an emergency exit door and it had no license plate. I called the police because I was afraid that someone may have been hiding in the store and with the terrorist attacks happening the day before I wanted to make sure that my night crew was safe.

Just a mere 3 to 4 minutes after placing a call to 911 my car was surrounded by three, maybe four police cars. At the time I had no clue what was going on because they were shining their high beams into my car and I was completely blinded by the light. I had no idea who it was, how many of them were surrounding me, and if they had guns drawn on me. I froze. Then I cried. I didn’t want to die.

They yelled across the loud-speaker to roll my window down and place my hands out of the vehicle. At the time my car didn’t have automatic windows so rolling the window down meant literally dropping my hands below their line of sight. I couldn’t see them, what they were doing, or how close they were to me. I assumed they had their guns drawn, so I froze. Then I cried more. I didn’t dare move because although they had instructed me to roll the windows down, my fear for my own life told me that as soon as I reached down they would kill me. So here I am in an alley on the side of a store praying not to get shot, but preparing to meet my maker because I was certain I was going to be shot.

After what seems like an eternity at a stand still, one lone officer approached my car (he must have told his fellow officers to turn their lights off) and he tapped on my window and told me that it was okay, I was going to be okay, and he kindly asked me again to roll down the window. I was terrified and he knew it and he saved me and the other officers from doing something that could have ended my life that night. I don’t know where he is today, but needless to say I was thankful that he didn’t allow fear to control him or the situation. In that moment he did not allow fear to drive all the compassion out of his heart. He did not know me. He did not know that I was the person who made the initial call. I was sitting in my car, in an alley late at night after they received a call about a suspicious car in an alley on the day after the most devastating terror attack on our country and all the ingredients for a fatal shooting of an unarmed young African-American male were present and the one thing that defused the situation was an officer who at the height of fear in our country decided to not allow fear to drive all the compassion out of his heart.

There were no cameras. No witnesses. No evidence that would not support any decision that they would have made in that scenario. Good or bad. Thankfully we all lived through that night, which is why I need to share a few ways that the church and the faith community is complicit in situations where the outcome does not turn out favorably.

The narrative in these fatal shootings always contains two elements. Fear and Faith.  I’ve already shared the impact that fear has on these situations. I’ve also shared that the fear that is present in those moments isn’t always just a fear of the moment. That fear is almost always brought into the moment. It defines the moment. It corrupts the moment and as we have seen it can destroy lives in just a moment. In Philando’s case, just 40 seconds.

Fear, however is only one side of the equation. In the past the narrative has also included faith. In the past when there was no available video or audio of these deadly encounters the system has both played and preyed on our faith. We have been asked over and over to have “faith” in the system. We are asked to believe in things that we can’t see. We have been asked to trust a small, special, and select few people to properly interpret the things that we can’t see and to have the faith that they carry  with them the sacred ability to decide and define the meaning and value of human life.

When victims have no ability to add to the narrative we are left with only one option. Have faith in the system and its ability and authority to interpret the unseen. In many ways it feels like theological appropriation. The system seems to be out “churching” the church. Without us noticing they have subtly and strategically snatched the spiritual and theological essence of the church and all that we hold sacred and have successfully systematized it into a means and method to subjugate and silence the church. We are asked to believe in things we can’t see only for the benefit of those who hold the sacred and special ability to interpret the meaning and value of life for us.

The system has somehow become the experts at delivering messages of faith and we have fallen for it. This feels much like the pre-reformation rhetoric that the church itself used to subjugate its own people. Priests, ministers, and other special humans told us what was right and we had to just believe it. In fact, it has become so much apart of our subconscious that we struggle to believe these injustices are happening even when we do see it on camera. In many ways we don’t even have the faith to trust what we see with our own eyes.

It’s unfortunate and frustrating, but if fear and faith are the main tenets of the conversation surrounding these shootings then why isn’t the church at large taking primary ownership of this conversation? Faith is our territory. Fear is our enemy. Again, I am not a police officer. I am not a politician. I am a pastor. Talking about faith is what I do and if the system insists on using our core values as it’s primary talking point in addressing issues of injustice and violence against people of color, then I think the experts in discussing the role of faith, the damaging affects of fear, and the value of human life should be driving the conversation and even more importantly asking critical questions.



That is what faith is. That is what real faith does. That is what the faith community is. We ask questions.

“When faith no longer frees people to ask hard questions, it becomes inhuman and dangerous.”-Daniel Migliore

“Unquestioning faith, soon slips into ideology, superstition, fanaticism, self-indulgence, and idolatry.”- Daniel Migliore. 

In my opinion, if the system continues to insist that as it relates to the pursuit of justice and accountability that our role is to “have faith” in it, then I believe that it is the church’s duty to practice the type of faith that the early church practiced in the face of fear, a faith that does not simply comply with the system but rather a faith that questions, critiques, and challenges the system because the system can not under any circumstance continue to successfully appropriate our values without our voices otherwise our message of faith, our message of the gospel, our message of the cross of Christ will give way to another message of faith except this message does not give life, it takes it.

 

How to Get Your Edge Back

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Lately it seems that everyone around me (self included) is on edge. Many of us seem to be struggling, our momentum seems to be slowing down, and our passion seems to be slipping through our finger tips. Sometimes life just seems to get the better of us and it is perfectly natural to be both trying and tired at the same time.[image error]

Last week I celebrated a birthday and while I am grateful for the opportunity to gain more wisdom that comes with growing older, there is a part of me that is memorializing the former more faith-filled me. The me that was younger and far less experienced but drastically more energetic. I miss the me that was far more ignorant but much more instinctive. In my growing older I have grown more objective, more credible, and more educated but in many ways I have regretfully lost my edge.

What happened to the kid who moved from Texas to GA with nothing but $20 dollars, a Discover Card, and a dream? What happened to the guy whose ignorance worked in his favor because he was too young and inexperienced to realize why he shouldn’t be able to accomplish everything he set out to do. What happened to the young passionate pastor who had no building, no bodies, and no budget and only a belief in the beauty of faith, love, and hope? Honestly speaking, the me from two decades ago would kick my butt and tell me that I have gotten way too soft.

While I’m confessing my own internal struggles, I am willing to go out on a limb and assume that I’m not the only one who has ever felt this way. Whether you feel you’ve lost your mental, emotional, or spiritual edge, I think it’s safe to say that we all hit a life slump every now and then.

That’s why it’s so important to learn how and when we lost “it.” Your passion, your purpose, your drive, your motivation, your edge. Whatever you call it, you need to know when, why, and how you lost it and how to get it back as soon as possible and I think I have found a few answers in the following story.

“One day the group of prophets came to Elisha and told him, “As you can see, this place where we meet with you is too small. Let’s go down to the Jordan River, where there are plenty of logs. There we can build a new place for us to meet.” “All right,” he told them, “go ahead.” “Please come with us,” someone suggested. “I will,” he said. So he went with them. When they arrived at the Jordan, they began cutting down trees. But as one of them was cutting a tree, his ax head fell into the river. “Oh, sir!” he cried. “It was a borrowed ax!” “Where did it fall?” the man of God asked. When he showed him the place, Elisha cut a stick and threw it into the water at that spot. Then the ax head floated to the surface. “Grab it,” Elisha said. And the man reached out and grabbed it.” (‭‭2 Kings‬ ‭6:1-7‬ ‭NLT‬‬)

Feelings of inadequacy may actually be instinct.

The group of prophets came to Elisha because the space that they were meeting in was too small. Often times when things become to small for us we begin by feeling inadequate. I mean who doesn’t feel inadequate when they start to sense that they no longer fit in? Honestly most of us believe there is something wrong with us because we don’t fit the mold, or we don’t fit the mainstream. As someone who felt this way for years because of undiagnosed autism, I have an intimate relationship with feelings of inadequacy.

Sometimes people will make you feel small, when in reality what you’re feeling may be that you have outgrown your current surrounding and your current circle.

In essence, your feelings of inadequacy may be an internal instinct that it is time to move on to something or somewhere that is bigger and better. After all, what if where you are now is too small for you to succeed?

The blessing of growth is always accompanied by the burden of building

We all want to grow. I often remind my congregation that I assume that they attend church weekly because they intend to grow. I mean no one I know rolls out of bed on a Sunday morning, the day most people have off of work, in order to get dressed and go to church in hopes of it making their life worse. Whether growth for you is personal, spiritual, emotional, or financial one thing is almost always true. If you want to grow you have to grind. The prophets in this story knew that they had outgrown their current situation, but they also knew that growth meant that they had to build something bigger. That brings me to the most common reason we lose our edge (passion). Building a better life is hard work. In the 1700’s the common idiom “busy like a beaver” become popular as a way of summarizing the level of activity that a person engages is that keeps the extremely busy. Until recently I’ve never thought of it, but beavers are literally busy animals because they understand the building a new place to live is hard work. Most people understand that beavers build dams. What I never knew was why the built dams. When a beaver develops the instinct that they need to build a new (and sometimes bigger) home, they first build a dam to keep the river from washing away the home that they intend to build. They are busy because they are not only building a dream, they build something to protect the dream. Many of us fail to realize that we are often feel exhausted because we are working twice as hard was we realized. Not only do we have to build something bigger and better when we realize our life is too small, we also have to build a dam to keep our destiny from being washed away. So we get tired.

Building is hard on you hand, head, and heart

If you have ever swung an ax for an extended period of time then you realize that it can make you tired. Actually exhausted is a more accurate description. Usually the first thing that starts showing signs of fatigue is your hands. They begin to sweat and subsequently your grip begins to weaken. Then come the cramps and in some cases even calluses. In most cases you keep swinging because although your hands hurt, you head and you heart are still in it. The problem with passion is that it often has very little to do with your hands. Talent and work ethic are great, but passion is what springs from having your mind-set on a mission. It is when your head is no longer in it and your heart becomes to weary that you lose your edge.

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Getting your edge back

On of the most promising principles found in this story is the potential of once again finding your edge. This unnamed worker asks for help in getting his ax head back. While the story doesn’t explicitly say why, we do know that he is concerned that his edge was borrowed which means that I believe that he was even more concerned about what he was building. In other words we was fully invested and interested in seeing the work completed, so he asked for help. Getting your edge back often means having the humility to admit that you lost it and that you desperately need it back. So let me ask you, who can you go to for help when you need it most. Who is praying with you and for you? Who can help you reignite your passion? We all need an Elisha as much as we need our edge. We need an Elisha because he walked his colleague through a simple process that led to the restoration of his edge. I like to call it the “last place principle.” Elisha asked his friend “Where did it fall?”  Good friends and accountability partners can help you regain your passion by helping you retrace your steps. When was the last time you felt motivated and passionate about what God inspired you to build? Where were you standing when you stopped swinging you ax? Once they located the spot where he lost it, Elisha threw a stick into the water and miraculously the ax head floated to the surface. The Jordan River was extremely deep and rapid. There was literally a one in a million chance of the stick even getting close to the sunken ax head. So maybe the point is that the stick was just God’s way of showing that regaining the edge would take a miracle. When I read the story the immediate image that came to mind was of the busy beaver throwing sticks into the river in order to protect his home from being washed away. Maybe the miracle God’s ability to use the people in our lives to help us protect our passion, drive, motivation, and hope from being completely washed away when we get tired of working so hard to build something better. Having a trusted friend to help point you in the right direction is critical to regaining your edge because as we can see from this story if you can point it out, God can pull it out but as Elisha told the young prophet “You have to pick it up.”

 You may have lost your edge but you are still on the edge of something great. Pray to get your            edge back. Pick it up. Keep swinging. Keep building something bigger. 

Pastor L #autismpastor

*Be sure to purchase copy of  I am Strong today!

My Advice When I’m Asked “Should I Disclose My Autism Diagnosis?”

Yesterday I celebrated my 39th birthday. I was born on June 5th, 1978. Autism is classified as a developmental disability, which means I was born with what is known as Aspergers Syndrome (an autism spectrum disorder), but I wasn’t diagnosed until almost three years ago at age 36. Celebrating birthday’s are now a much more significant experience because I now have the opportunity to make more sense of my beginning as I continue to build a better life for myself and my family.

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Over the past two years, I’ve shared my story through blogs, radio and podcast interviews, and articles. I’ve also recently released my first book this year entitled  I am Strong: The Life and Journey of an Autistic Pastor. 

Since being diagnosed with ASD in 2014, I’ve had the privilege of not only sharing my story with the world but also sharing my suggestions with those in the autism community, particularly the parents of teens, young adults and other adults recently diagnosed on the autism spectrum.

In the last several weeks, I have been asked by several people a question about disclosing my autism diagnosis. While I believe that to be a personal decision that can be best made in the context of a great community of support and love, I will share three things to consider if you are considering disclosing your autism diagnosis.

 

Go with your gut

Pursuing an autism diagnosis after early childhood can be a difficult decision. It can become even more difficult as you enter into adulthood. In my own experience pursuing a diagnosis at age 36 was difficult because of a lack of resources available to adults. First, It was hard to find someone who could and would diagnose me with ASD. Second, it almost always becomes a matter of financial capability. Wanting to pursue a diagnosis didn’t mean that I would be able to afford the assessments that can range in the thousands of dollars.

This is why it becomes even more complicated when deciding whether to disclose your diagnosis to family, friends, employers and/or educational institutions. The time and financial resources that you’ve invested in receiving a diagnosis will inform your position on whether or not to disclose. Pursuing a diagnosis as an adult is hard work and I have found that when deciding to disclose my diagnosis publicly I had to consider the investment I had made in getting the answers that I was seeking.

Disclosing your ASD diagnosis is extremely personal and for some they may see the potential problem in making it public knowledge. There is still a large portion of our culture that either because of ignorance or intention, fail to be accepting or accommodating to those with neurological differences.

My advice is to always go with your gut. Don’t underestimate the power of your ability to make the right choice for you. If you have made your way through the world without a diagnosis of ASD then you know how to make the right choices for your own life. Trust yourself enough to decide if disclosing your diagnosis is good for you, after all choosing to invest in getting a diagnosis is an investment in your own self-development and growth so learn to trust yourself.

 

Give consideration to your goals.

If you have pursued an ASD diagnosis then perhaps you have done so with a goal in mind. When I decided to pursue an official diagnosis I had determined that one of my goals was to learn more about myself, but that wasn’t the only goal.

As a husband, I have a goal of being the best partner I can for my wife. I wanted to know how and more importantly why I processed the world the way I did. Getting a diagnosis was important because I wanted to strengthen our relationship.

As a father my goal was similar. I wanted to learn how to maximize my time with my boys. I also had the goal of using my new-found knowledge of self as a way to teach them how to be more kind and compassionate.

As a pastor I have a goal of finding the intersection of my faith and service to others with my diagnosis. I wanted to discover how to share my life with others who may have little to no knowledge of how to allow their faith to inform their love for all of humanity and their ability to see the image of God reflected in every human life.

In reality my goals, which are many, may not be your goals but I do think it is important to keep your goal(s) in mind when deciding to disclose. The overarching theme of my goals was to learn how to place myself in a position where I can reach my potential as a husband, father, and pastor. I suggest strongly considering how, with whom, and when (or if) disclosing will help you maximize your potential. In my humble opinion, disclosing your diagnosis shouldn’t be about others and their opinions of you as much as it being about an opportunity for you to be at your best in every possible situation.

Go Slow

If you’re an adult who has recently been diagnosed on the autism spectrum chances are you’ll need some time to reflect. When I was diagnosed it didn’t come as a surprise but it did increase my sensitivity. I found myself becoming more sensitive about my innermost thoughts and feelings, dreams and hopes, struggles and suspicions. All in all I discovered that a diagnosis at my age came with a liberating sense of freedom as well as an overwhelming flood of emotions. I needed time to sort it all out and to study more about ASD and how it might be impacting my personal and professional life. It was because of this flood of new facts and feelings that I decided to take it slowly. It was a few months before I starting to disclose my diagnosis, but my timeline might not be yours.

If you’ve decided that it is beneficial for you to disclose your diagnosis just remember that you’re not obligated to tell everyone immediately or even at the same time. Consider exploring how to take your time with different groups of people. Remember you have the power to not only determine the purpose of disclosing your diagnosis but also the pace at which you decide to do it.

With or without a diagnosis or with or without disclosing your diagnosis know that your value isn’t tied to how others perceive you. Your journey is your own to both navigate and narrate so however you decide to tell your story, tell it with confidence because your story matters.

Stay Strong

-Pastor L  #autismpastor

 

 

Somethings Never Change

I once heard it said that “The only people who like change are wet babies.” I don’t remember who said those famous words or when I first heard it, but I do think that for the most part it is pretty true.

I don’t like change. Most people don’t, but for me there is probably a reason that my resistance to change is stronger than most. I don’t like unnecessary changes in routine. I don’t like surprises. I like to be prepared. I don’t like things that don’t make sense,  and most of all I don’t like being put on the spot. I suppose like many people my preoccupation with resisting change really all boils down to my need to control.

Now, there are several ways that my need for routine is actually a positive thing. It makes me dependable and loyal. It heavily influences my integrity and morality. It keeps my demeanor calm, cool, and collected. In fact it makes me very optimistic. It is very rare that I am unable to see the glass as half-full.

Routine. Control. Change. All important, but lately I have learned a valuable lesson about life and about change.

I’ve already told you that I’m not a fan of change. The irony is that I don’t want to stay the same either. I know, I know. It doesn’t make any sense. I want things to stay the same while I want to keep growing and evolving. If that doesn’t make it complicated enough for you, as a part of me growing, evolving, and changing, there are things that I actually want to have the power to change about me.

I’ve probably confused you, but that’s the point. When it comes to growth and change we are all really confused as to how God actually uses change to actually get us to change.

My favorite verse in the Bible actually explains my point much better than I can.

“Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, ” My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.”

There you have it. The apostle Paul, who by the way is a MAJOR figure in Christianity, prayed to God for the removal of a “thorn” that made life uncomfortable for him and the answer that he reports receiving from God was “No.”  Personally, I would have thought that if there was anyone that God was going to “fix” if would have been Paul. Paul was the man, but he got nothing.

No reprieve. No healing. No change. Nothing but grace.

What’s interesting is that most scholars believe that the time frame in which Paul was so candidly expressing his exhaustion in dealing with his thorn and his efforts to have God intervene, mark the single most impactful season of spiritual growth in his life. While this may be conjecture at best, his later writings certainly do display an amount of maturity and depth that we don’t seem to experience prior to him going public with his thorn. It seems from the outside looking in, that Paul actually did change by learning to trust God with something that he himself couldn’t change.

Question.

What if the thing that actually changes us is learning to finally trust God with the things that we can’t change?

Here’s how Paul decided to handle this hard but healthy reality.

“Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”

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Here’s what I am learning.

Sometimes when it comes to things we can’t change growth isn’t the result of getting rid of “it” but rather trusting God’s grace to grow because of it.

“That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

His Grace really is sufficient.

Pastor L

To Our Graduates: 3 Things To Give After You’ve Graduated.

  “We overestimate what we can accomplish in a year or two, but we underestimate what God can accomplish in a decade or two. If you’re discouraged, zoom out. You can’t just dream big; you have to think long. In fact, you need some life goals that will take a lifetime to accomplish. Maybe even a few that can’t be accomplished!” -from “Chase the Lion: If Your Dream Doesn’t Scare You, It’s Too Small” by Mark Batterson

[image error]In May of 1996 I graduated from Andress High School in El Paso, Tx. That was 21 years ago. More than two decades ago I walked across the stage at the University of Texas El Paso as my name was called to receive my high school diploma.

Over the next few weeks students from all over the country and in some cases the globe will be graduating from school. Families will cheer, mothers and fathers will shed tears, and graduates will embrace not only their friends but also their futures.

Over two decades ago I graduated for the first time and as I reflect on that moment I am humbly reminded of just how much I underestimated what God could do within what now seems like just a blink of an eye. Two decades have passed and in it have been too many miracles to count.

In 1992 I was a freshman at Austin High School in El Paso, until I wasn’t. Looking back now I would have never labeled myself a drop out, but the reality is I wasn’t going to class, a lot, and after several weeks of missing multiple classes my parents were notified that I was going to be declared truant (being out of school without explanation).

Thank God for parents who didn’t give up on me. Thank God for my mother who fought for me and with me to get me back into school and back on track. I was pretty lost, and while I understand now why school was such a struggle for me, back then I couldn’t see my purpose past two days let alone two decades.

Growing up with undiagnosed Aspergers, presented me with lots of challenges. I didn’t have the language to explain why transitioning from middle school to an enormous high school was such a terrifying experience. I didn’t have the language to explain that the sensory overload of being in noisy school filled with frightening sounds and smells was way too much for me. I didn’t have the knowledge or self-confidence to know that just because I was different from other kids that I wasn’t deficient.

So I quit going to class and I quit dreaming. I totally underestimated myself, my value, and my future.

“A man’s gift [given in love or courtesy] makes room for him And brings him before great men.” PROVERBS‬ ‭18:16‬ ‭AMP‬‬- King Solomon

We all want to be great. I have never come across anyone that didn’t want to be great at something. Most people want to do something significant with their life. We all want to be better. We all want to go places and do things that we have always dreamed of doing.

Solomon suggests that the gifts that we have actually pave a path to great places and joining the company of great people. Over the years I have always thought that Solomon was simply talking about having a God-given gift (or talent) and the role it plays in getting what you want out of life.

While there may be some truth to that interpretation, I think the big idea is less about getting and more about giving. When Solomon speaks of a gift making room for you, he is literally saying that having something to offer, something to give is what helps open doors to great places and gives access to great people. Simply put, learning how to give leads to great places and surrounds you with great people.

Recently I shared a few words of wisdom with graduates and their families who attend our church in Lagrange, GA. Remembering what it was like to graduate high school 21 years ago, and college 17 years ago (and many other graduations after that), I can recall that I was guilty of grossly over estimating what I would be able to accomplish in the year or two following graduation.

I was ready to take advantage of my education. I was ready to take on the world. I was ready to take what I felt was mine. The only thing I wish I would have learned to appreciate is how to take my time.

If being someone who is a giver is what places you around great people and in great places, then taking your time will help you take advantage of opportunities to give. In the rush to take over sometimes we fail to take the time to appreciate how God is trying to pave a path for us to do great things for Him by learning how to give the gifts that he has given us away to others.

I invited and challenged our graduates to pursue greatness not by taking over, but by taking time. I encouraged them to be givers but most importantly I challenged them to learn how to give three things.

Learn how to give the future to God. His hands are the best hands to place your future in.
Learn to give things a chance to work. Greatness is a process that demands that we  give it a chance. Stick with it. Don’t rush and don’t over-estimate what you can      accomplish in a year or two instead trust what God can do in a decade or two.
Finally, learn to give it everything you have. Learn to reduce the amount of regret you have in life by resolving to give your very best when presented with an opportunity to give your gift and add value to someone’s life.

As I stand on the other side of two decades of miracles in my life, from a high school dropout to obtaining a doctoral degree, a great family and marriage,  pastoring a great church,  authoring books, and the list goes on and on, I have learned how to appreciate more and more what God can do over the course of His timing when I slowly but surely learned to give my gift away and wait for God to open doors to incredible opportunities to do great things for Him.

[image error]Doctor of Ministry 2015 Liberty University School of Divinity 

Give it to God. Give it a chance. Give it all you got.

Be great.

Dr. L