M.K. Sheehan's Blog, page 20

Three Little Luxuries to Level Up Your Self-Care Routine

Coco Chanel once said, “Luxury that is not comfortable, is not luxury.” Some of the most elegant and delicious luxuries I can imagine are not the height of fashion but rather the height of comfort.

Investing in personal comforts is a pleasure I delight in and feel no guilt in indulging. Not to suggest I invest a paycheck in expensive baubles but I do spend on the things that bring me joy. When I feel tended to and taken care of it brings my day to day up a level. I invest in my own comfort and the things that make my daily routine feel special. I’ve pulled together a list of some of the really fabulous investments I have made in self-care, little luxuries that make everyday routines feel like a treat and leave me feeling like a decadent heiress.

Hotel robes – Have you ever stayed at a resort and cuddled up in a luscious and rich robe? The indulgence of slipping into something cozy, buttery, and clean just feels like the personification of wealth. I bought one of those! I shopped around like crazy and waited until I had saved up and then for Valentine’s Day I surprised my partner with a set, monogramed with our initials, because if it isn’t monogramed is it even really yours? Now my bathing ritual feels decadent and expensive and somedays I linger just a little bit longer in my robe because it does feel so fabulous. Full disclosure – I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t write this in my robe just to be sure I got the sensory expressions documented accurately.

Bath Soak – I feel like as women whenever a relative isn’t sure what to buy us they throw some bath bombs in a bag and call it a day. Now, I am not one to complain about gifts, I love them and delight in the sweet surprises that friends and family see fit to bestow upon me. However, more often than not the bath bombs look beautiful, bubbly, and fun but when I use them my skin feels dried out and greasy instead of refreshed. Therefore, I share the bombs with my kiddos so they can play and keep a little something special for myself. On days when I just want to refresh I use epsom salts to cleanse and clean my skin but on days when my skin is in need of nourishment I soak in Origins Ginger Bath Soak, they used to have a thicker formula that I swore by in my early 20’s but like all good things Origins has refined and matured with age, giving me a gentle and gel-like soapy soak that leaves even calloused feet softer and sweet smelling.

Insulated water bottles – I don’t know about you but I love ice cold water, I know, very American of me. I prefer it and feel refreshed when my water is frigid. One of the best investments I have made has been in an insulated water bottle the keeps my drinks cold all day. The ice cubes still crunch 8 hours later – not that the water lasts that long – but on days when I have been guzzling water out of glasses or when I bring the water bottle to bed at night I awake in the morning to a fresh, cold, water which in my book is the height of luxury, especially when compared to tepid day old water that sits on my nightstand collecting dust. The cap twists shut and gives me exactly what makes me feel most pampered, ice cold water, first thing in the morning.

I’m sure if I thought more I could come up with several other ideas for keeping myself feeling good, healthy, and well cared for but tell me about what you do! Are there some daily gifts you give to yourself to make the mundane seem special? Any suggestions for how to up my game? I’m looking forward to getting some new ideas and inspiration from you!

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Genius, Inspiration, and What We Already Know

The energy of life is so simple. When I am doing the things I dislike I feel drawn into anxiety, pain, discomfort. When I am living in the present moment and engaged in the joyful work I was put on this earth to do life is dreamlike, simple, and fresh. I do not notice the grey day that hours ago oppressed me. I only see the light shining through the clouds and tangling with the mist to make bright reflective pools on the children’s play structure. 

I took a call and now my energy is different. I was in a state of peaceful meditation, and dare I say, wisdom. Oh that seems so pompous and reeking of self-importance. Still, I believe it. I believe it because I don’t believe it is me. I believe it is the energy of my genius. A divine spark, magical inspiration, a muse that longs to express itself and share the knowledge of the ages that it holds. 

Philosophers from the ancient Greeks to Elizabeth Gilbert have shared this same belief. Therefore, I do not say wisdom as if it is a quality that I myself possess. Instead the wisdom I share stems from my connection to the universal that lives within us all. As I stare out the window watching the rain and wondering why I was placed exactly where I am in this mosaic, I feel both lost and intimately found. The quilt of life is so generously constructed. It hold us all together when just as easily we could have been born a spark of a star being sucked into a black hole or the glimmer of light a star ejects as it burns. That colossal spark that makes me me and you you. What are we if not energy, if not our very purpose? Could we be more than that? Are we not all engaged in a dance to which our minds and bodies already know the steps without our coaxing. 

We battle daily to distract and numb our energy failing to break through but as days dwindle we still find ourselves lying awake at night wondering, why am I here? Why me? What purpose am I to fulfill? We wonder and yet we already know. Steve Jobs spoke to this at a commencement address in 2005 at Stanford, “…have the courage to follow you heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

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Seven Steps to Showing Your House

Preparing to move and show your home in pictures or in person can be an overwhelming process. You may want to share your personality and decor with the world but you also want to give potential buyers the impression that they would be at home in the space. Looking at houses and explored multiple properties over the years I’ve pulled together a short list of what stands out and makes a difference to buyers. These are the very same rules we applied when placing our home on the market and selling it within a weekend – full disclosure, this happened during 2021’s incredible market, but the rules remain relevant nonetheless.

Cleanliness – I know I’ve been posting a lot about this over the past few weeks but it really makes a difference. When a home is clean it makes buyers more comfortable. Someone who cleans the stovetop and takes the time to vacuum the floors is also likely to switch their air filters regularly and see to it that minor repairs are completed before they become a major issue. This appeals greatly to home buyers as it means they will have fewer expenses repairing projects the previous owners ignored or worse yet, didn’t even notice.Declutter your surfaces – Making a space look loved and seeing your mail stacked on the counter are two different things. Buyers want to see themselves relaxing and enjoying the space. If they walk in the door and are immediately confronted with piles of paperwork, unfinished laundry, and knick-knacks to dust they are not envisioning Christmas morning, they are envisioning the daily grind and that does not appeal. Clearing the sorting bins from the laundry room may not seem like a big priority but when it makes the room look twice as big and makes laundry seem like a breeze, buyers are more apt to want to wash their stuff at your house instead.Let in the Light – Any space feels larger when the drapes are pulled back and natural light is able to pour through the windows. Even if all you have is an unobstructed view of the neighbors play set, the natural light makes a room feel airy and spacious and buyers are always drawn in by spaces that feel large and expansive.Define your spaces – If you have any awkward drop zones or oversized lofts – even if you don’t use them in real life, place a chair, small area rug, or table with a lamp to suggest how the space might be used. We have walked away from houses as buyers because we could not see how to utilize the awkward extra space. Take some guess work out of the equation and give buyers a suggestion – this could be a great place for a reading nook!Remove all evidence of pets – Buyers may have allergies and even if they don’t mind furry friends walking into a home where the smell of animals is the first sensory experience is going to cost sales. Animals can be hard on a home – potty training, muddy paws, and the telltale scratches on hardwoods or furniture. Buyers want to see the house and imagine their pets, not yours. The house we ended up buying had cats, but we didn’t know it until we got to basement storage area towards the end of our tour and found the cat tree. This is huge, we went through the entire property having no idea and were completely surprised, by the time we got to the basement we were already in love. See tip 1. Finish work – We have seen a fair number of flips in this market and while it’s wonderful that people are finding ways to re-finish and re-furbish well loved properties there are some basic final steps that really get in the way of getting the higher offer. Finish work is a big one, caulking, door locks that are mis-matched, poor paint jobs, and in one house absolutely no transitions between different flooring types. When you don’t do the finish work well it makes buyers wonder what other steps you skipped or went cheap on. It’s a basic buyer beware, if a flipper didn’t take the time to do the easy finish work they may also have forgotten to ground your outlets or obtain proper permits or inspections for their work and that can leave buyers in a lurch or worse yet, legal proceedings.Bonus – Remove your pets! – We were looking at a home once and found a cat in the master closet. No mention was made by the sellers that the cat would be at home. Instead while surveying the storage options our relator asked, “Is that a live cat?” I looked up to see it move and no Halloween scare is as terrifying as thinking you are alone and coming face to face with an unfamiliar animal. The cat was fine, she didn’t hiss, and really I’m pretty sure we woke her from an otherwise cozy nap. Still that house went to the bottom of this list fast!

What tips do you have for making your home show worthy? Are there any staging ideas you swear by?

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In Gratitude for Family Zoom

Like many families, when COVID hit our extended family circled the wagons virtually. We hosted a family zoom that met weekly, on Sunday’s. Since Grammy could not attend church – for the longest stretch of time in her 86 years – we met for fellowship, conversation, and information sharing. We learned how to make masks, current travel restrictions across the country, and where to purchase supplies should the toilet paper shortage turn out to be only the beginning of a modern day apocalypse, as one can never be too prepared. More than anything we met to see one another, to be comforted by each other’s presence and to reaffirm our connection and bond.

Every Sunday since March 2020 we have gathered for conversation. In May we celebrated graduations with virtual gatherings and slide shows. For Father’s Day we shared memories of my Grandfather and what stories we hold dear with one another. On birthday’s there are text chains and photos. And now like donut Sunday, we linger sometimes for hours as people leave and rejoin the conversation, share updates, and just feel the comfort and connection of family. 

We’re still working on vulnerability and sensitivity. The month of the election and its aftermath were sparsely attended and even then there were arguments and debates. Our solution was that we could debate, but conservatives had to debate the liberal position and liberals the conservative. Mostly, we just chat, celebrate promotions, personal victories, mock one another and egg each other on as only family does. If not not for COVID we never would have found the time or made this activity a priority, now it is a ritual we share and one that has made this year a little bit more bearable. 

As we step back into typical life, so too has our family zoom shifted to suit the times. Churches have reopened and Grammy has plans on Sunday once again and so the calls are later. And while we’re vaccinated and ready to return to our regularly scheduled programming this is one ritual I will be sad to see go – fortunately my family agrees as there has been no talk of cancelling.

Yes, being with extended family every week can be a bit much and now that we are not so starved for connection and entertainment the calls can sometimes drag. But I remain truly grateful for everyone who showed up on these calls. I’m grateful for those that didn’t show up because it reaffirmed our freedom to attend and engage at our own comfort level. And it reminded me that there is always a spot at the table for each of us. Even if someone chooses not to attend for weeks on end, we still hold space for their return while still respecting their boundaries. This willingness to embrace one another when times are tough gave me more than I realized I needed. I suspect our new way to connect with one another will last far longer than this pandemic and for that I am truly grateful.

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Making the Most of the Time We Have

I recently watched Laura Vanderkam’s Ted talk on time management, “How to gain control of your free time.” Her lesson being that time shrinks or expands depending on what you put into it or take out of it. Last night my younger cousin and his girlfriend came for dinner, we talked until after midnight and I didn’t even notice. Most evenings I am toast by 9:30 – I don’t rise early, I just like sleep. But the time flew because I was able to fully enjoy the moment and engage with our guests. 

I was startled and delighted by the composure, dignity, and appropriate behavior of my children last night. They set the table and listened politely to dinner conversation only interjecting when appropriate and not only followed our instructions but did so without argument. They did a phenomenal job, I was completely blown away by them and their behavior. 

They were not the only young people at that table that I was impressed by. Both my cousin and his partner of three years, while young displayed admirable maturity and wisdom. They showed compassion, made mistakes, asked forgiveness, and really showed how comfortable they are with one another. The confidence they share in their relationship is inspired. Neither is defined by their union. They are seeking out their individual career paths each demonstrated security and confidence in doing that on their own. They choose to be together not because they need one another but because they want one another and I think there is a very distinct difference in those two statements. 

Seeing them in their early twenties showing respect for each other, support for their individual and collective growth, patience, understanding, forgiveness, and vulnerability. I was impressed and I am truly grateful that we were able to dine and gather. I’m grateful that my home has become a place of safety and refuge for my extended family. I’m grateful that we provide a safe space to hold difficult conversations and celebrate each other. I’m grateful that at the end of a long evening I am not tired but invigorated by the joy and generosity of others. I’m grateful that this is the life and the home I get to share, the example I get to set for the people I love most. 

Making for time for connections like these is what I am most looking forward to as our society opens up again. The deep trust and vulnerability that is required for these connections is not easy to come by, it is work. But I have found in the past year that this is the work worth doing. These are the relationships I want in my life, the mutually supportive and loving interactions that give us the support and encouragement to be our best selves and bring our full selves to the table. I’m ready, are you?

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A Clean Slate and New Beginnings

I once read that cleaning your home is an attempt to control the chaos of the world. And logically it makes sense, I cannot right the world but I can dust this shelf.

When I’m dealing with a particularly difficult challenge the repetitive motions of cleaning give me the perfect amount of mental effort to reflect on my problem and figure out my next steps. The action is irrelevant, it is the larger purpose it is serving. Repotting plants or mending stuffed animals is not high on my list of fun projects but when I have a larger problem to tackle these rhythmic, repetitive actions soothe my brain and give me familiar exercise without taxing my already overwrought mind. 

Therefore, in our home when it is time to clean we typically follow a routine, when we are angry we sometimes scrub with a little more intensity, but when the cleaning becomes something we do to control or as an excuse to avoid a larger conversation then we know it’s time to let the cleaning go. 

Having an open heart and open hands is a blessing. It is a gift that we have so much that it needs organizing. And in the midst of the chaos of moving and transition it’s easy to fall into the comfort of cleaning in order to give ourselves the temporary illusion of control, and that’s ok. Sometimes it’s more than necessary. 

Sitting in discomfort is hard. Recognizing that your actions are indicative of larger issues is hard. Not distracting ourselves from all the conflicting emotions this moment has brought to our doorstep is hard. Feeling all of the feelings is hard. There’s a lot to feel, a lot to love, a lot to mourn and a lot to rejoice. And sometimes rather than clinging to a scrub brush we need to cling to each other because this wild ride is just getting started and it’s going to get a whole lot messier anyway.

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Letting Go of Control to Accept More

We’re preparing for showings of our home, putting out hand sanitizer and shoe covers. Dusting and scrubbing all the nooks and crannies we may have missed in our first purge before the photographer came through. I am downsizing my closet and clearing out anything that makes our house look a little too full. Just because we’re ready for more room doesn’t mean the house has to look like it!

The process of trying to clean everything has been a gift, it has helped me to realize that when I am clinging tightly to the small things my hands are too full to accept the larger blessings and good fortune the universe wants to give me next. I don’t love this lesson but I’m learning it.

Therefore, I am intentionally making a point to only do the next right thing. This often means something small, organizing a drawer or dusting off the dresser so that I feel like I have done my work. In letting go of my attempts to control the results I free myself. Not only do I feel lighter but it leaves my palms open, ready to catch whatever comes next.

The housing market is wild in the mid-west and, from what I read, all over the country. If I focus my energy on clinging to what we have, I’ll never be ready to catch the good things coming my way. And I want to be able to accept the goodness the universe has prepared for me with open hands. I do not want to be so fixated on controlling every small thing that I have no room left to grab something big. It occurs to me that we do this a lot. Hoping for more while desperately clinging to the things we have – what if we just let go?

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Three Steps to Staying Centered

There’s a lot of frenetic energy out in the world lately. As people rush to obtain vaccines, we’re all eager to travel, and all of us hoping to return to the normalcy of daily life – pre-pandemic. I’m hopeful for a return to normalcy. The comfort of hugging a friend hello. The simple joy of saying, “God Bless You,” rather than thinking, “What fresh hell is this?” Still as we all adjust to a pace that is slightly faster, as more opportunities to spend time together open up, and as the weather blesses us with the warmth and sunshine of spring I am attempting to stay grounded. 

There are a few practices that are giving me comfort as I consider for myself and my family what the future might look like for us. The following simple practices are helping me to balance my desire to get out in the world safely and my need for change, growth, and progress.

Walks – My son and I take daily walks – and sometimes when one of us is angry we’ll go on a walk until we’re ready to talk about it. We take Dr. Brenee Brown’s research into breath work and exercise and apply it to our conflicts. Exercising, getting out into nature, and allowing ourselves to be distracted and embraced by the beauty we find outside.

Meditation – I have had, “meditate daily,” on my new year’s resolution list for five years now, and I never seem to find the time. Lately, I have made it part of my afternoon routine. Walk, lunch, meditate, and write. I use the guided meditations provided by The Mindful Movement, you can find them on YouTube or simply Google a guided meditation for the amount of time you have to work with at the moment. I feel most refreshed after 20 minutes, but any amount will do.

Breath work – Just taking deep breaths. I find my anxiety flares up when I spend too much time staring at screens. This happens with work, my phone, email. Sometimes it seems every screen I see drains something from me. So taking a break to make the bed or clean up the accumulated cups, cords, and clutter that seem to accumulate around my work space – I take a moment to breathe deeply. I’m not religious about it but that simple intentionality helps me to feel grounded and connected to the present moment.

I must say that with these practices I have found myself more present, still, and calm. There’s always something that can rattle us or distract us from who we want to be, what we want to accomplish, and the universe typically finds a way to test our boundaries. It seems to me that when I’m feeling proudest of my progress that is when the universe starts poking, just to see if I’m serious. This week it came in the form of work emails and overtired kiddos not willing to help clean up dishes without a fight. But even as these minor annoyances piled up, as they do at the end of the day, I was able to stay calm, take my main culprit on a walk and work out the challenges together. I know this won’t work every time and there will still be moments where I am not at my finest – but if I can send an email that says, “Wonderful – thank you!” instead of, “Listen here buddy,” I know I’m making progress and staying true to who I am and who I want to be in the world rather than reactive to every curveball that comes my way.

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An Unexpected Exercise in Letting Go

Today the house photographer came to take pictures of our home, he did a lovely job. Since we moved into this house it has not been this clean. We scoured every surface, emptied every bin, drawer, puzzle, and verified contents. We donated clothing and shoes. We purged and polished, organized and eliminated. We have been up late every night this week preparing for this moment. To be honest, clean houses are totally overrated. Yes, it’s lovely to feel like I live in a hotel, to walk into the bathroom and see nothing but soap on the counter. But this space no longer feels like my home and really, isn’t that a deeper meaning?

We’re preparing to share this space with the world, to sell it to the next family in need of a home. People who are not us but will fill the same cupboards and shelves with their belongings. People who will love this home and make it their own. That is what this exercise is designed to do, to remove the personal and create a blank slate where another family can see themselves living, laughing, and coming together. 

It feels good to be done but this is the beginning of the cleansing, not just the surfaces and floors but the beginning of this home no longer being ours. We are moving toward our new home and towards what is to come, shedding our skin and stepping away from this home and the lives we have built together here. 

When this ritual is all done and this space is ready for a new family to love, learn, and grow we will gone. We get to take the friendships we have made with our neighbors. We get to build something new and different. All of these are bittersweet gifts as the ease of, “I made too much dinner, please eat with us,” and unscheduled playdates that last until bedtime will no longer be part of our routine.

This home was a cozy cocoon that held us safe all through new parenthood, grief, resurrection, and the pandemic. It has given us more than we knew we needed. It taught us how to be good neighbors, the value of a good play structure, walking trails, and the beauty of a garden. It has given us everything we needed to thrive and we have been nourished and nurtured within its walls, climbing them like ivy until we found there were no more walls to cover, no more updates to make, and we are ready for wilder wider spaces.

I am so grateful for this home and its gifts. I am grateful for the people we have known, the first steps and parties, the blowout fights and crying fits, all of those moments have brought us to where we are right now and I am truly grateful that this space has been so patient and generous with us. We could not imagine where we are now when we began our journey of homeownership so I won’t project where we will be in the next ten years. I will only say that I am grateful, fortunate, and so humbled by all we have been given so far.

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With Age There is Beauty

Always remember with age there is beauty. These lovely words were sent to me on the eve of my birthday. Such simple and elegant phrasing. To me it means many things. The beauty of waking, living to see and savor a new day is itself a blessing for which I am grateful. The simple joy of getting to know oneself more deeply, honestly, and intuitively. The glory of seeing beauty in ourselves and the power that comes from what we have learned and gained in another year, a single trip around the sun.

When I was younger there used to be goals that I would set with intention on my birthday. The goals typically included plans for a fancy party, a list of people I wanted to celebrate with and see. As I grow up I find the gifts I want to give to myself are much simpler, this year it is grace. I am doing more of the things that bring me joy these days. Living my truth and savoring the cool breezes wafting over my skin. I am practicing vulnerability and honesty. I am staying grounded in my own truth and considering first my values and intentions before considering another person. 

There is beauty in age. I am not so easily distracted, though sometimes I am almost certain the universe is pressing my buttons intentionally. I am learning what I need to take care of myself, to make my home a more peaceful place, to make my days more impactful and meaningful for myself. I am learning every day how to love myself and my people more deeply. When I do this I feel proud of myself. I feel like I am showing up and engaging in life the way I want to, the way my best self would. And that is encouraging and uplifting. I don’t get it right every time, I am a constant work in progress, but every day I get it a little more right and little closer to my goal, a little more open, a little more honest, a little better at being my truest and purest self in all situations, conversations, and places. What a gift, there is beauty in age. It is a gift that I am truly grateful to receive. 

There is also time to settle in and be still. Age is also a reminder that with time comes patience and the wisdom to stop the hustle, avoid the grind, and just be present with ourselves. For me that takes shape as meditation, walks in the woods, and staring out over bodies of water. This care for myself is also care for the world. And while it is productive it is not a forward momentum. It is a calm and present noticing. Not accomplishing or pursuing something new but sitting with myself in gratitude for where I am now, what I have now, and how fortunate I am to be in this moment to drink in this joy, to be so loved and filled with life. With age comes beauty and if we never sit still, we might miss it! What a gift, what wisdom, I am humbled and grateful.

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