M.K. Sheehan's Blog, page 19

Listening Within – 4 Steps to Focus and Recalibrate

Today it has become aware to me that I am moving in fast forward. I am so eager to finish, to make progress, to get things done that I am not listening to my inner voice and to what would bring me joy. To do this requires only some small simple steps. But I am chasing that external satisfaction that comes from a task completed, scratching an item off of my “to do,” list. 

I am also procrastinating the simple tasks that do not bring me as much joy or satisfaction. I am delaying the simple choices that would bring me the most peace. I am putting off RSVP’ing to events and clicking send on a grocery order. I am creating an environment that produces more stress in my own life and i don’t want to do that anymore. Not that I will never do this again, but I can make it better today, for now. Here’s what that looks like for me: 

Take a deep breath. This sounds simple but so often I rush through the day and forget to take a moment to breathe. I get distracted and caught up in my phone, emails, or tasks and instead of following one task to completion I find myself doing a little bit of a lot of things and not finishing any of them. Therefore, my first move is not to complete any of these things but to breathe deep and still myself so that I can decide what to do first.Find the low hanging fruit. What items on my list are easiest to accomplish? What is there that I can complete right now. Some items are as simple as moving a pile of documents from where they are sitting – on my dresser, to where they belong, stowed with the sentimental memory boxes I have across the room waiting to be organized. It’s a lot easier to organize when everything is in one place. These are small victories but they set the right tone and get my momentum moving in the right direction. It’s easier to snowball one victory into another when I’m not overwhelmed by too many major tasks and can just resolve one quick thing at a time.Let go of perfectionism. There’s going to be things I miss or foods I intended to purchase that just get skipped on the grocery list. These things happen, even when I meal plan and that’s ok. Right now I’m transforming our family diet and routines. We’re coming up on a new school year and I want to make more balanced and healthful choices for our family. This includes shifting the way we eat and the foods we consume. This is not easy as it involves tracking down new recipes and trying new cooking methods. It’s tricky, but it’s not impossible. And my first step needs to be to let go of my expectations of being a professional vegan chef on my first try, and instead remember that incremental change is still change and shifting our family in the right direction.Celebrate what you have already accomplished. This final one often gets steamrolled by the urgency to do more or the feeling that I didn’t accomplish enough today. That feeling of too little time, too much to do, pushes the goal post further back the moment I reach it. Doing this only leads to feeling more depleted and drained. Taking a moment, an evening, a week – whatever it is that you need to feel celebrated and proud of yourself for how far you have come is a worthy investment.

Letting go of scoring ourselves or rating our performance by the imaginary yard stick of perfectionism or worse yet, imagined competitions between ourselves and what someone else posts online, is not only unreasonable but it is also hurtful. We’re hurting our selves. Celebrate what you did today – you showed up, you did your best, and that is enough. That is exactly all anyone can expect of you! Look around at all you have and at all you’ve done already – isn’t that a reason to celebrate?

I like to think back on the me of a year ago, or read a journal entry from this time last year and see what my priorities were at that time. How far we’ve come in a single year! How magnificent all that we have done in a single day! That is cause for celebration!

Listening, the Dali Lama, and Learning to be a Better Friend

Being a better friend often means we give our time and attention but we do not give our guidance. We are not advisors, we are a support group. We listen and let others come to their own natural conclusions. It means listening to someone’s shared dreams without giving directions as to how to get there. This is NOT easy! I am so good at answers and giving direction, I am not good at letting others lead or make their own mistakes.

I was reminded of this during a recent conversation with my neighbor. I offered solutions and strategies when I was only needed to lend a listening ear. Especially since the topic was the challenges of being a Black Indigenous Person of Color (BIPOC) in the professional world. In this conversation I bring nothing to the table other than my ability to listen, learn, and support. Spoiler: I did not do that.

I wanted so badly to help that I offered any intervention I could provide. I suggested solutions when my friend was coming to me to be heard. Expressing a desire for me to understand not for me to fix her problem. I knew this and yet in the moment I promptly forgot.

And I apologized afterward after I had a moment to reflect on our conversation and consider what part I wished to play. I wanted to be of service and help but the value I brought to the conversation was deep and attentive listening to my friend. Not offering what I a white woman would do in her situation – she knows what a white lady would do, and she also knows that solution would not work for her.

I needed to take a step back to remember that my value does not come from offering solutions or fixes to societal problems. I was meant to listen, to learn, and to better understand what these challenges are like for my friends of color. I was not being asked to solve this problem but to more intimately familiarize myself with the experiences that women of color face in the work place. 

Thinking about this conversation from the perspective of a BIPOC woman made me realize how patient and wonderful my friend was to share her story with me. It made me realize how challenging these conversations must be for BIPOC to have with people who are not of color. My attempts to “fix” or “solve,” created even more work for my friend as she had to hold her ground as I attempted to push her forward. 

I am learning more about myself and vulnerability this year. I am learning that I like to cross things off of my list and make them better if at all possible. I am also learning that the “better,” I seek is not always attained through my mental or physical labor. Many times my goal is obtained through my patience, my willingness to listen and be still, my ability to let my BIPOC friends lead the conversation and let me know what they need – before I jump in to assist. 

Obviously, this translates to every relationship, being attentive to ourselves and recognizing that oftentimes the best gift we can give to others is our silence. Digest the wisdom, take it all in, don’t even think about what you will say next. As the Dali Lama once said, “When you talk, you are only repeating what you know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.” I plan to take advantage of this learning and listening much more going forward. I’m just grateful I have so many dear friends willing to walk this path beside me and share what they have learned on their own travels.

What are you re-learning or unlearning in order to be a better listener? Any tips you’d like to share on how to take a beat and be more present for each other?

Goal Attainment on Our Own Terms

I watched an interesting Ted Talk today by Derek Sivers. He shares that research shows that when we tell others about our goals the positive reinforcement and encouragement we receive from others tricks our minds into believing that the task is already complete. That surge of endorphins from hearing a friend’s encouragement leads us to feel as if our work is almost done and therefore to a decline in encouragement to proceed We have already reached our goal and therefore we do not take the necessary small steps required to assure its final accomplishment. I also read an excerpt on the Butterfly effect and how seemingly small occurrences in chaos theory account for incredible shifts in weather, environment, goal attainment. 

This has me thinking about my own goals and what I personally have been delaying. What tasks am I feeling confident about having done when in reality I have barely begun the process? One is a potential opportunity of publishing two books. When I was originally offered the opportunity to submit my work to be considered for publication I immediately shared the news with my family – I was just so excited! And being previously unaware of this research I shared far and wide this wonderful progress I was making toward my goals. Now as I reflect upon it I realize, I shared the news, felt the joy, and celebrated as if the offer were the end and not the beginning of a new journey. And since then I have procrastinated. I have submitted one document but not followed up on it. I have not even finished the revisions required to submit my second piece – these are not steps taken if one is serious about the accomplishment of their goals. 

I can see in my own life that the research holds – sharing the goals, I tricked my brain into thinking these steps were already complete when in all honesty they had only just begun. And again I’m sharing it not with you as a celebration but as a warning, if there is some goal you are holding in your heart, hold it a little closer to your chest and see if perhaps that illusion of having more work to do rather than the brief fulfillment of feeling celebrated and affirmed, doesn’t help you to make real progress toward your goal.

The lesson being, from my perspective, that every goal and dream you hold in your heart you were put here to attain. It was placed in your heart and soul for a reason, there is something you were meant to do with it. So don’t short change yourself, don’t get in your own way, keep you focus on your work and not on the accolades. Be attentive to your next step, your next goal. Instead of seeing the mountaintop far away and stopping long before you get there, take one next step, it’s the only way to move forward. While the steps are small, many small steps can lead to great progress. These little accomplishments build toward something great – a butterfly effect of accomplishment, goal attainment, and personal satisfaction. 

In the end it is personal pride and satisfaction we are after. Pride in one’s work, pride in the progress we have made. These are things we can celebrate and be proud of ourselves for and that is the accomplishment we celebrate. Our goals should not be for external validation, prizes, accolades. For while those things feel nice they are external validation and if we aren’t truly proud of ourselves, or of our work, or of how we got to wherever it is we are going – we are the ones who will know. We are the ones who will have to live with whatever corners have been cut or small indiscretions made in order to attain that applause. Therefore the work is the prize.

The real celebration will not be on a stage, the striving is the goal, the path and the journey we take is its own reward. Our accomplishments are not about trophies, which as Simone Biles will tell you, “is a silly goal.” Our goal should always be to show up as our best. To do our personal best and to keep striving to improve. Because in the end you cannot control if someone else is faster, stronger, smarter, etc. but you can control how often you practice, what you put in to your practice, and how you show up each day. Success is incremental and when we look inside ourselves we find what is truly important – personal satisfaction and pride in the work that we are doing and that feels far better than any prize. Don’t you agree?

Contentment: I’m on a Boat

This past weekend we went on a boat ride with friends and swimming in a small lake near our home. The sun was setting, the light reflecting off of the water, the green trees in full bloom dancing in a gentle breeze as the heat of the day warmed our skin the cool of the water refreshed us. It was such a phenomenal gift to be in the water with my children, surrounded by dear friends, and just so happy. I fully indulged in the effervescent beauty of now. The honor and generosity that is bestowed up on us daily if we only look around to enjoy it. 

I even exercised Brenee Brown’s teachings and instead of stealing my own joy and envisioning some horrible outcome. I imagined and thought to myself, what if this day is perfect. What if we all have the best time of our lives, we laugh, eat well, drink, and have fun and then go home to get a good night’s rest. And that is exactly what happened.

The following morning my little angels slept in and I spent a few quiet moments with my partner before the day began. It was wonderful. The clouds were brilliant and stunning in their whiteness and elegance, floating above us in intricate and alluring patterns like lace in the breeze. I am still savoring the joy of yesterday. The quality time with friends; the peace, laughter, and serenity we shared. The joy of engaging with our friends and our children. The pleasure of laughing to the sky and filling my cup up with love, connection, contentment, and community. 

I am reminded that how we choose to spend our time is important – making the choice to live wholeheartedly, truly engaging with the people and places that surround me is an active decision. I make feeling those feelings, and doing those things my priority. And I work hard not to be weighed down by small or petty disappointments. I am grateful for all that I have choose to focus on that, not on what I don’t have or what has yet to come my way. We all have this option, the power to choose to focus on joy and gratitude and happiness exists for all of us. Rather than keeping score or records of what opportunities we have missed out on, we can choose to seek out new ways to bring ourselves joy. To explore new options for fun or things we might like to try. What a phenomenal gift this power of choice is for each of us. I hope you’re choosing joy too!

How are you choosing to be present in your own life? What gifts are you giving yourself today, this week, this month? How do you make a point not to steal your own joy and celebrate life in the moment?

Healthy Routines: Honoring Yourself First

Today I took a bath and had a long call with my grandmother. I drank tea and a breakfast smoothie because when I feel physically good, I have more energy to be kind to others and myself. When I punish myself and do not tend to my needs the cycle of negativity keeps flowing and sometimes gains strength until there is that breakdown, an emotional cloudburst of activity and moments I regret or am embarrassed by, more sadness, more darkness to experience and process. But then closeness, more connection and deeper love and trust. 

Oh the dance of relationships and existing goes on and on and inside all of our emotions are raging. Look at this, feel this, it’s like when I am soaked in the luxury of sustained joy and the universe reaches out – all of these long dormant relationships suddenly seek to rekindle, the labor of boundaries becomes real and necessary. 

When I give more than I am ready to give I feel the strain, at first it’s slight a twinge, I will stop but only after this NEXT time. I abandon myself and am left feeling raw, ravaged, not because someone else dared to ask me for help, but because I chose them over me. I made them the focus and not myself. I gave away my power, not because I wanted to but because I wanted them to like me. Their liking me was more important that my liking me. I gave in because I wanted to please them, I wanted them to be happy and in doing so I made their happiness the priority and mine secondary. I abandoned myself. I gave away my torch, my power, my light to someone else who unapologetically and likely unaware of my circumstances accepted my generosity because I encouraged them to, I gave them permission and then behaved as if it were no big deal while inside I am raging. I have inconvenienced my own family, my own priorities in order to please someone else. Made their life easier and mine more difficult, why? Why did I do this? In order to be liked. In order to fill some void in myself externally that needs to be filled internally. 

And that is the deeper lesson, that finding my value needs to come from internal reflection and self-love. I cannot seek my self-worth in the approval of others for then I will be like a well in the desert – poured into but never satiated. Always thirsty for more while never grateful for what I have. And I don’t want to live like that. I want to be able to see my own intrinsic value. To look at myself in the mirror and see myself the way I see my dearest friends. With love, appreciation, and highest regard. And that comes from seeing myself the way I see those I love – it comes from self-work, and care. It comes from attention to my own needs first and caring for my inner child as I would any other little girl who is in need. And caring for myself, loving myself is where my value and strength lie. 

My value does not exist in the approval of others – which is fleeting and inconsistent. My value does not exist in service to others or in what I am able or willing to give away. My value exists because I exist. My value is ethereal and human. My value is intrinsic and unchanging – it is real, and it is unearned. It cannot be taken away or diminished. My value – and yours – is limitless, boundless, and free. I am working to celebrate this and make this the focus because when I am full from the inside, I am full enough to overflow. I am so deeply nourished and cared for that I have enough to share, more to give. And that is when I am ready to give to others. That is what I am able to give to others without resentment or feeling jealous that I don’t have what I am giving. I give what is extra, I give what I do not need, I give the excess that I cannot possibly absorb or use. I give from abundance and grace – I do not take the food from my mouth to give to another. I take the food from my overflowing table and share that. I welcome friends because I have so much. I do not starve myself or my family to feed yours because if I am starving I have nothing to share. 

And this is biblical – remove the plank from your own eye before removing the splinter from someone else’s – or in airplane jargon – affix your own mask before doing so for another passenger. We cannot serve others if we are already depleted. We cannot complete the race if we do not rest or stop for water. Pressing on through pain and exhaustion is not a mark of heroism. Martyrdom is no a gift it is an attempt to shame others into giving more than they are able because you do not have boundaries. And that is not ok. That is not to be celebrated. Give yourself the gift of self-love, care, and nourishment. Tend to your own wounds before attempting to operate on someone else. Let your own well be filled, and share with others the sweet water of life that you no longer need because you are refreshed and satiated. Do not take from yourself and give to others because that is false, that is giving from resentment or because you value the approval of others more than you care for yourself. Love yourself first, love your family first, and then give from that abundance. Rejoice in giving freely and without reservation or strings attached. Leave the gifts on the table with no thought of getting something back or of your gift being appreciated, accepted, or taken. We give the gift and pull our hands back and hope that it is received with the same intention it was given – freely and with love. Love that has no expectations because we have enough to share.

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Genius, Inspiration, and What We Already Know

The energy of life is so simple. When I am doing the things I dislike I feel drawn into anxiety, pain, discomfort. When I am living in the present moment and engaged in the joyful work I was put on this earth to do life is dreamlike, simple, and fresh. I do not notice the grey day that hours ago oppressed me. I only see the light shining through the clouds and tangling with the mist to make bright reflective pools on the children’s play structure. 

I took a call and now my energy is different. I was in a state of peaceful meditation, and dare I say, wisdom. Oh that seems so pompous and reeking of self-importance. Still, I believe it. I believe it because I don’t believe it is me. I believe it is the energy of my genius. A divine spark, magical inspiration, a muse that longs to express itself and share the knowledge of the ages that it holds. 

Therefore, I do not say wisdom as if it is a quality that I myself possess. Instead the wisdom I share stems from my connection to the universal that lives within us all. As I stare out the window watching the rain and wondering why I was placed exactly where I am in this mosaic, I feel both lost and intimately found. The quilt of life is so generously constructed. It hold us all together when just as easily we could have been born a spark of a star being sucked into a black hole or the glimmer of light a star ejects as it burns. That colossal spark that makes me me and you you. What are we if not energy, if not our very purpose? Could we be more than that? Are we not all engaged in a dance to which our minds and bodies already know the steps without our coaxing. 

We battle daily to distract and numb our energy failing to break through but as days dwindle we still find ourselves lying awake at night wondering, why am I here? Why me? What purpose am I to fulfill? We wonder and yet we already know. Steve Jobs spoke to this at a commencement address in 2005 at Stanford, “…have the courage to follow you heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” What is there inside of you that you already know? What light is waiting to be allowed to shine through you and into the world?

Intentional Interaction

Today feels like a day that I am chasing to catch. Even post-meditation I am 15 minutes late for a call. And I am just going to make the call, show up for the appointment, be present. It feels like with the world opening up, vaccinated friends reaching out to gather, the joy of being present and in the world safely, it feels tempting to slide back into that pre-pandemic mode. The usual, “What friends are we seeing this weekend?” It’s a dance of overbooked, constantly moving forward, hurried compulsion to attend every event, be engaged in every gathering, and not only to show up but to sacrifice quiet nights at home, restorative rest, and the peace and comfort of having nowhere else to be. 

First, I want to say that it is such a gift to be included and invited out into the world. Second, I want to say I am going to respectfully and gratefully drag my feet because I don’t want to go. I want to be ready when the world arrives at my door or when I venture out into society. I want to consciously and deliberately make healthful choices for myself and my family and right now that means breathing deep and being still. 

I am not in a rush to get back to, “regular life.” To be honest I prefer the solitude and reflection of time to myself. But I also get FOMO. The first time I remember this happening was in high school. A friend called me repeatedly and I avoided the calls, I remember hearing her voice on the answering machine and thinking yes, but no. I was super disappointed a few days later when I gave a listen and realized I had missed her brother’s graduation party. I’m sure the event was fun but I was not there for it. And I was disappointed to miss the party. I wanted to support my friend and her family but I needed that time for myself. As I age I realize more and more how much I myself need this time to be quiet and alone. How much work I am quietly doing in my own mind and in my own space to create, build, and design my own life – and that is time consuming. 

Building a world in which I want to live takes a lot of time and I’m not talking about the larger exterior world that we all want to save or are working to make better. I’m talking about my own little unit, my own little house, my own mental wellness, solitude, get dinner on the table and the laundry folded and the emails answered world. And sometimes for me that’s enough. Sometimes it feels like too much and then I have to get even more micro. My gift to myself is patience and forgiveness. I’m going to go slow and I like it that way.

Are you plunging back into social interactions with friends and family? Are you wading in cautiously? How do you check in with yourself to make sure you’re aligned before you engage?

Comparison as We Prepare for Re-Entry: AKA Brunch

Comparison is the theif of joy and I am going to do my best to remember this truth as I attend my first brunch with friends since the pandemic began this weekend. We are all finally vaccinated and ready! Despite scoffing at articles that preach the surge in spending on cosmetic procedures and the investments many of us are making into looking more youthful and attractive – I feel it. There is a twinge of desire to show off since we have been in lockdown. I am owning this feeling but I am also making a point to focus my attention on the intention of the gathering. 

The purpose of brunch is to connect and feel seen and supported by the people I love and who love me. This is not an opportunity to shame or show off. This is not a moment to “win.” The win is that we are all vaccinated. We can all safely eat at restaurants together, likely outside just to be sure. The win is that we can all be together without calculating the risk repeatedly or without fear that this gathering could be the last for some of us. 

Staying focused on the freeing and beautiful opportunity and not on whether and if we will be judged by our peers is focus of this event. If it isn’t then we are gathering with the wrong people or for the wrong reasons. Still, there is this feeling of wanting to impress. A tender little desire to show off and wear a face of make-up, or style my hair in a fashionable manner. Not as an attempt to draw attention or impress but to commemorate and celebrate what is a new event.

As we are going out in public, if you too want to dress up or appear stylish, let us agree to do it for ourselves. Let’s show up as we want to present ourselves. Let’s take care of ourselves and celebrate that we survived this pandemic. Let’s be there to support our friends who lost loved ones, who lost relationships, and many of us still uneasy with the prospect of even being in public. Mourning that we may perhaps have to return to the office or taking stock of friends we have lost to the disease. We are communing with our people and sharing what we have learned. If new sunglasses or a coordinated outfit will make me feel fabulous and more comfortable in my skin, I’m going to do it. But I am also going to focus my attention on what I am brining to this event. I am bringing my full self. I am not interested in portraying a character or an abstract version of myself that pretends like everything is fine. I am showing up raw, real, and empathetic. l am greeting my friends with open arms and a full heart. I am excited to see my friends. Excited to hug them and laugh together. I am grateful that I can do this. I am grateful that we have seemingly come out on the other side. There is much to celebrate and regardless of what is said or what has happened, we made it. WE did it! 

And with that in mind I will drink a mimosa, I will celebrate the victories, and I will cherish this moment. Because gratitude is what got me through this last year. The love and support I have shared with my friends is what supported me in this endeavor. And I don’t know about you, but that seems like enough. I don’t need to have my eyebrows waxed and my hair blown out to give and receive love. If I feel like styling I will, but i will not do it out of competition or a desire to see someone else feel less than or as if they cannot compete. I am doing it so I feel comfortable in my skin and so when I spill a little mimosa, no one will be able to see it – that’s what Lilly Pullitzer was designed for anyway. 

So cheers my friends! Welcome back to the real world! Let’s celebrate this moment with a little more kindness and gentleness for ourselves and for each other. Let us be grateful for where we are and how far we’ve come. Let us never forget that the reason we are friends is for what we have found inside one another that resonates not for what we appear like on the outside. Real deep lifelong friendship is a gift, I’m grateful I get to share it with these amazing women. I’m grateful for Brunch.

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Modern Day Grace

I have felt so benevolently full of grace lately. Full of grace for myself, my family, and the world. I have held this grace honestly and openly, feeling benevolent, patient, generous, and kind. I have walked in euphoria for days on end – blissed out on the beauty of the natural world, the people in it, and how blessed my life has been. And then I took a writing class, insert discordant record scratch here.

The class was good, deliciously good. It was deep and raw and had all of us unearthing trauma and processing it so that we could turn that vulnerability, shame, and fear into gold. Write it out and hopefully find the true essence or nugget of universality in our pain. Mold that darkness into something useful and create art. 

The exercises were effective but now having scratched open our scabs the course is done. We are left bleeding out in the world. The life we return to, the normal every day world, is what we were hoping to protect these pains from – exposure.

We were ready in the class to feel and dive deep but now that the class is over we need closure, a little second skin to cover what we have opened up inside of ourselves. Those dark and crusty things that we fear and feel more deeply than anything daily life has ever handed us. 

This is where we are all dark and dangerous. It is terrifying and as you’d expect painful to be so open to the world. But here’s the trade off, I couldn’t feel the glory of sunshine with the sensation of holiness blessing my very core if I didn’t embrace this vulnerability too. This conflicted feeling of being so wide open and almost unwisely exposed to the elements of relationships and life. Because life is both that shining light of afternoon sun that warms some of our rooms like a sauna and it is the dark and scary loneliness of confronting our deepest and darkest fears. If I don’t look inward and stop staring at my phone to distract myself from these hard and real sensations I won’t feel that sun as brightly. The sun will still shine on my face but I won’t feel it in my soul. It won’t warm my heart to the same depths because my heart will have been walled off, protected from the deep darkness and also the blinding light that just might help my heart to heal. The sheltered pieces of myself might never see that perhaps I need not be so walled off, so sterile, so trapped in solitude. I might learn that perhaps the world is bright and lovely on some days. Other days it’s hard and cold but if I do not open the drapes to let in the sun it is never completely dark and it will never been completely day.

I’m mixing metaphors but you get the idea, to be that grace filled generous soul who sees the hurt in other people and takes the time to reach out and connect I must also be the angry wounded animal that nurses her wounds and occasionally lashes out to protect herself because she hasn’t finished the work she is doing to heal. Oh, being alive is such a dangerous thing. To survive we need only coast on the surface but to live, to really live, we have to feel all the pain, the dark and twisty elements, and then we get to really enjoy the light.

And all of it takes bravery. We get to embrace the beauty only if we embrace the pain and know that it exists to show us where we have work to do, something to heal, tenderly and gently. What a gift to be so alive and feel all of it so brutally and beautifully.

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Body Knows Best: Trusting What You Already Know

Today I meditated for 40 minutes. This is not a humble brag and I’ll tell you right away, I did not intend to do it. I awoke as if from a nap and in a haze, scrambling to return emails and complete tasks. 

Here’s another thing I’ll tell you, that time was a gift and I needed it. I am a firm believer in our bodies being attune to what we need, most days more than our minds lead us to believe. My mind overrides the messages my body sends me all the time. 

Body: “I’m hungry.”

Mind: “It’s bedtime, I’m not going downstairs for snacks.”

Body: “I’m tired.”

Mind: “We’ll just read this next chapter.”

Body: “I need care and attention. I just want to stretch.”

Mind: Emailing.

The goals are always pure. Keep a schedule. Eat a variety of healthy proteins, vegetables, and fruits. Deep condition your hair once a week. Give yourself a facial or a hydrating mask. At the end a of a long week, take a relaxing bath. Use the cabinet full of elixirs, potions, and sweet smelling mixtures designed to tempt you to care for your whole self. Get enough sleep. Exercise and meditate daily. These are all such good intentions. 

The reality is that I hit maybe 50% of these on a given day. Great sleep, schedule is out the window. Exercise – must grab quick lunch, a clif bar will have to do until dinner. None of it is intentional and I often wonder what a luxury it would be to live an independently wealthy life where my personal interests, goals, and self-care agenda were my primary concerns. But until that happens I am here and now in my reality – which is insanely blessed and beautiful. 

Some days it’s just hard. And somedays I meditate for forty minutes and feel like a golden goddess for finally reaching this goal but also guilty for it interrupting the rest of my schedule. I’m deciding right now, to put a pin in the guilt. I’m just going to celebrate the fact that this is a milestone. A moment I did not honestly imagine myself getting too, especially because my meditation practice is sporadic at best. Who knew? Clearly my body did, it gave me the time, the focus, the energy that my mind denied requiring in order to push through to the next goal, the next accomplishment. Instead, this was my goal for the day and I didn’t even know it. Lucky me. 

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