M.K. Sheehan's Blog, page 18

How to Meditate

I realized today that I talk a lot about my meditation practice on this blog without really going into what that looks like for me. Therefore today I wanted to share that with all of you so that maybe, if you’d like, you could join me in the practice.

First and foremost I would like to share that I do my best to meditate daily. This does not always happen. On weekends, when I travel, or on busy days where I suddenly look up and it’s already 5:30 and dinner isn’t made I do not always meditate. I want to make sure that I am clear about this and as honest and transparent as possible because there were many years I didn’t meditate because the commitment seemed too daunting. I felt that the practitioners claiming to meditate daily had teams of staff to do their bidding and that was how they were still productive despite taking a huge chunk of their days to be still. Let me be clear, I do not have a staff. I do not have a team of people ready to do my bidding while I lie in repose for hours on end. I’m a typical parent, I get interrupted, I have days I don’t practice at the same time and days that I just can’t get into it and that’s ok. The purpose of meditation is to practice. The showing up is the most important part. 

The benefits of meditation are many including a lower heart rate, stress management, and increasing imagination and creativity. I meditate because it helps me to stay calm and keeps me in the present. Meditation is one of the tools I use to show up in the world as the version of myself I most admire and like. When I meditate I feel calm, peaceful, and productive. I most often write this blog promptly after meditating because it is the time when I feel most attune and aligned externally and internally. 

That said, the purpose of this post is to tell you how I do it. First, full disclosure, I have yet to graduate to complete silence and serenity. I do not quietly sit in a private yoga studio. Instead, I make my bed – it usually doesn’t get made until I come to lay down to meditate. I take a quick potty break just so I’m not distracted while in the middle of my meditation. Then I take my eye mask to the microwave. I kiss my kids who are distracted and watching television – otherwise they pop in approximately every 10 seconds to ask for something unnecessary. I bring the dog with me so he is not tempted to panic bark at the Prime truck delivery across the street. I grab the mask from the microwave and head up to my room where I close the door, pull a blanket over myself and plug in earbuds to listen to a guided meditation. 

I find guided mediations to be a personal pursuit of preference. I enjoy Calm’s introductory 20 minute mediation. I like soft music, I don’t prefer nature sounds in the background. I find women’s voices more soothing and I really enjoy the Mindful Movement on YouTube. I typically only listen to the same, 5 or less, meditations regularly. But that can shift with my mood. I will seek out different meditations if I’m feeling the need to listen more to my inner voice, find more peace in the chaos, or just to be more present in my daily life. You can use any framework to make your choice but pay attention to your preferences and honor them so you don’t come away from your meditation more annoyed or frustrated than you were when you started. The goal is to be more peaceful and satisfied, not to add to the grievances of the day.

I listen to the guided meditation for 20 minutes with the eye mask on. Some days I can push past 20 and go longer but most days I meditate for 20 minutes, it just seems to work the best for me and my schedule. Occasionally, I put lotion on my feet or essential oils where I can smell them to pamper myself and feel more tended to while I’m at rest. It takes a little more prep-work but it feels super delicious to stretch post-meditation and smell good things and feel balanced, whole, and generously cared for. It takes the practice up a notch and turns it into a delightful gift you’re giving yourself.

When the mediation is done I stretch and put away my mask. I fold the blanket I use to cover myself and sit down to write. I feel like I do my best work when I write, slightly bleary eyed and fully present. That is when I feel I produce my most authentic work. When I first got started – read the first year to year and a half – I would have a little chocolate almond treat when I wrote. A little pavlovian trick to help encourage myself to keep going. It seems to have worked, I have been doing this meditation thing for nearly two years and I really feel like I am a better person, and certainly a more productive artist, for it.

What strategies do you use to meditate? Are there tools that help you to get into the zone? Or what additional self-care treats do you give yourself when you meditate? Have you been able to sit in total silence yet? What has that experience felt like for you?

Things I Love: An Introduction

We’ve been at this blogging business for more than a year now and I think it’s time I re-introduce myself – and perhaps make a note to introduce myself more frequently. Perhaps every six months or so? Anyway, I am Mary – I love nature, travel, fine food and wines, milk chocolates, cozy homes, and old friends. I believe in empathy and kindness, and strive to be the Mr. Rogers of my neighborhood and every community I enter. I believe in meditation and self-love over self-improvement. I am a natural empath and community creator. I write, paint, and take pictures. I love to read and visit old homes and museums. I am always watching wild-life and adore small town living. 

This space is my virtual home where I share my thoughts, what I’m working on, and what I’ve learned along the way. I share what I have gained in hopes that the lessons learned might help someone else move further along. I love sunsets and simple pleasures. I also love luxuries and will effortlessly select the most expensive car, gown, jewels, and accessories from any grouping – I have a natural eye for quality. I am incredibly choosy and remind my partner of this whenever he is having a tough time selecting the right gift for me, I like what I like and I don’t like what I don’t, I own this because it is simply the truth. 

I believe in spoiling children and that I have already learned far more from them than I could every hope to teach. I am grateful, deeply religiously grateful for all I have and all that has yet to come my way. I keep a growth mindset and a wheaten terrier close by to ensure humility. And I love my life, I’m so happy to share it with the world. That said, this is my virtual living room, no socks on the floor. If you make a mess you will clean it up or I will kindly ask you to leave, this is a space for comfort, safety, delight, and dazzlement. There is no room for disrespect or unkindness. I like you already, I know we’ll be friends, I can’t wait to see what you bring to the conversation. 

Now I’ll get back to the work of creating and I hope you’ll put on the kettle and cuddle up and join me.

Some conversation starters if you’d like to chat: What have you created lately that you are proud of? Is there a house rule you particularly remember or love from your own childhood? What lessons did you learn in Kindergarten that you still carry with you today?

Doing Less to Do More

Today I had so much I wanted to accomplish. I had a full schedule and a full plate of all of the things that needed to be done. Since we are re-entering society and school is starting soon, I feel like August has become somewhat like the first lap of the long race through the school year. Birthday parties begin again, school supplies must be purchased, and add that on top of moving and needing to either find or make due with those everyday artifacts that make life nice and I am in a pretzel of movement, energy, and to do items. On top of all of this it is Monday and the regular work of the office needs to be done, dinner needs to be made, and the children need all of the daily things that children require. 

Usually all of this information puts me in a tizzy – the “Michigas,” of it all. I just learned Michigas is a Yiddish derivative of meshugana and I am enjoying wrapping my mind and my mouth around this new term. The general chaos can be overwhelming. Today instead of letting the angst and stress of these things take over my day I took a beat. That’s not true, I took several. 

The breaks included: I started the morning by looking out the window at the trees while I drank my breakfast smoothie. Then while my partner was on a call I folded laundry in the children’s rooms rather than being irritated or marching through his office – which is the only way to get to my office – I just did some small tasks to make life nicer for all of us. I put dinner in the crock pot. I meditated. I let go of control and my partner put the target order in for school supplies. I fed the kiddos and when the dog decided to make a break for it and tour the neighborhood at lunch, I not only got the chance to catch up with my neighbor but I also had the opportunity to walk outside on a gorgeous day. 

I didn’t get everything done because there is only enough time for that which truly needs to happen. There are more tasks for tomorrow but that is what tomorrow is for. I am sure tomorrow will have enough time for these things and others but not all of them and that’s ok. 

The priorities that made the short list today will also make the short list tomorrow – mediating, taking deep breaths, and just enjoying the day and it’s many splendid moments. It was not perfect but you know what, I don’t feel bad about it. In fact, I feel great. I feel like I took care of myself and I focused on my priorities. I feel like I showed up with what I had to give and I did my best. 

I will do better in some areas tomorrow but not all areas because every day is a balancing act and I don’t get better at balancing by berating myself or rushing or yelling at everyone in my life to do better or help more. I do better at balancing when I:

Breathe deep,Focus and calm myself with meditation,Eat well, Get outside, andConnect with friends. 

I am grateful to myself for taking the necessary breaks so that I could move forward with comfort and ease rather than with rage and frustration. By giving myself the space to be imperfect and let others help I actually did less but got just as much, if not more, done than if I had hustled and stressed and rushed. 

I feel more contented with the quality of my work and with the progress I made today. My work is not done, and I suspect in this American capitalist society it never will be. But the work I am going to accomplish today is done and I am much pleased. I feel good about showing up in the world authentically, exactly as the person I want to be in the world. Rather than regretting things I said or ways I behaved because I was so focused on performance and results that I was rude or hurtful. And because of that I got to enjoy the journey and the small cumulative tasks and cooperation it takes to build a life to together with other people. A mutually supportive dance only works when we let others lead sometimes. And even though it is out of my comfort zone, I have to admit doing less in order to do more feels pretty good. 

Have you ever tried doing less to do more? What steps do you take? How do you conserve energy and resources in order to finish the marathon rather than drop out after the initial sprint?

Happy First Birthday Blog!

A long time ago when I was in college, I wanted a tattoo. It was trendy and many of my peers were doing it and so I felt the desire that so many people do, to get a little ink. Well, I heard a story from a family friend who got her first tattoo on the back of the bus on the way to Woodstock – original, not 90’s Woodstock – and I don’t know how one gets a cooler backstory than this. Anyway, she shared that now that she is older she does not remember what the tattoo was originally. Also that it is safe to say that no matter what the tattoo was intended to be it now most closely resembles a lop-sided eight ball. 

With this story in mind I decided that I would wait. If I wanted the same tattoo in the same place on my body, in the same size for a whole year then I would get it. Until then, I would just stick to creative piercings. Well, suffice it to say, I never wanted the same tattoo in the same place for more than a year. It turns out, that when you think you’re being original you start seeing that “original,” idea everywhere. The trinity symbol and Irish knot that I admired, showed up on rings, necklaces, and the thighs of friends. The symbol was likely everywhere all along, not just on the doors of my childhood church. But nevertheless I never noticed it so many places as when I wanted it to be unique and my own. I never got the tattoo and now I am grateful for it – as my body has grown and changed over time, I am grateful not to have my own lop-sided eight-ball to remind me of how much change has happened over the years. I’ll leave the photo albums to their own business.

The only other time I have used this rule has been with this blog. I started this blog as a test, to see if I would be able to stick with it and find a theme by writing what I know and what I think. I figured I would find my path as I went along. First, I want to thank all of you for joining me on this ride. I want to sincerely thank you for reading, writing, and engaging with the material, it has meant and continues to mean the world to me. I believe the act of creating only comes full circle when we share it with others and hopefully it touches or transforms the world in some small way.You have been a part of this circle and I am grateful beyond measure. 

You have watched and helped this blog to grow and transform. It has gone from sporadic posts at random times to regular posts at predictable intervals. I have written weekly as much as possible from the jump but now we have our regularly scheduled posts coming out in a timely fashion. I am learning this work as I do it and I am grateful for your patience as I strive to improve and grow. 

That said, unlike the tattoo that never was, this blog has stayed the same and I have stuck with it for a year. Which means that it is time to invest in the work and the community that it has drawn into my life. I’m very excited to share that this means I will be adding some exciting new content, branding colors, domain, and a logo. These are small things to the world but also my own little ways to tattooing this site into our shared consciousness. I hope you’ll let me know how you like the updates. Pleas also let me know how we can improve and make reading, sharing, and visiting this blog a joy and more easy for all of you. My goal is to make the site as fun, hygge, and useful as possible. Thank you for being with me for this first year, I am truly grateful. I can’t wait to share all the exciting things that are coming in year two! 

Cheers to another year of blogging and sharing. Thank you for being the other half of my circle and letting the words I write into your heart and your head. It is a privilege for which I am truly grateful and honored.

Home

Things that make a home to me. I am reflecting on what makes a home and the first thought that comes to mind is the people in it. Home is family and friends, it is late night conversations held in the dark, it is the tears of joy that come with good news, the laughter of surprise when a child shares their humor in a new way. Home is soft pillows, deep couches – so we all fit – and silly faces. Home is comfortable and simplicity. It is pieces that tell a story and spaces ready for memory making. Home is ease of access, where we are not climbing over obstacles to get what we want and need. Home is organized chaos and at least one junk drawer. Home is the luxurious bath we take alone and family dinners at a table surrounded by friends. It is sunsets and birdwatching, it is feeling comfortable but also feeling proud of the space in which we live.

Home is sharing the stories of ourselves and our relationships. Home is portraits and artifacts, it is ornaments we gather on our travels or art pieces that tell the stories of those we love. Home is a constantly evolving environment that serves the functions of life flawlessly and serves the imagination like a diving board, always ready for inhabitants and visitors to take the plunge. 

Home is where we gather, it is the one place where we share what is most important and valuable to us. Our home welcomes cousins, aunts, uncles, and neighbors. It is a safe haven for our extended family and a space where our children learn to be gracious hosts. It brings me so much joy to share a homemade meal at my table with those I love. It fills me on a deeper primal level to have enough food to share, enough seats at the table, and the joy and laughter to create a truly beautiful memory for myself, my family, and my guests. 

To me home is sacred because it implies security, stability, and whimsy. It suggests, garden walks, and low stone walls, porch sitting, sun tea, and laundry on the line. Home is where traditions are shared and started. It is how we come to be exactly who we are. Home fills us, nurtures, nourishes, and refreshes. It fills and fulfills, refreshes and releases. Home gives us a safe place to house our treasures and our most sacred dreams. It inspires the reading of good books, and the study of information. It gives us tables to plan our adventures and a safe landing place when we return. Home welcomes the stranger and the old friend alike. It tenderly embraces our animals and and our animal hearts. How lucky are we who have a home to return to at the end of the day. A place where we not only reside but live.

Savoring the Good: Five Steps to Staying Present

Today I want to talk about savoring those moments that are sweetest. Our days and lives are full of beautiful, lush, and lovely moments that we often miss. Our brains are so active and full of energy that they are often rushing to solve a problem rather than enjoy the still and silent moment that is happening right now. We spend so much time looking forward or looking back that we forget to enjoy where we are right now – and now truly is the only time we have. Here are five steps I use to get out of my head and into the present moment – all you need are your five senses and a few minutes. 

Start with a few cleansing breaths – deep ones that fill you up. If you inhale to the count of three and exhale to the count of four that should help. Also, extra points if you exhale a sigh, which vibrates the back of your throat and soothes your limbic system as well.

When you’re ready:

Eyes/ Sight – I look around the space I am in and name five things I see or want to see. I’ll do this exercise as I write so you can follow along and do it yourself with me. I see:

blue skysunlight on the carpet, trees, warm yellow walls, anda painting of a tree

Ears/ Sound – List four things you can hear or want to hear.

a dog barkingan airplane overheadtree leaves rustling, anda bird calling for its mate.

Hands/ Touch – List three things you can feel or want to feel.

the gentle keyboard keys under my fingersthe slick comfort of my athletic pants, and soft cushion of the chair I’m sitting on.

Nose/ Smell – List two things you can smell or want to smell.

my post-meditation chocolate a warm fall breeze that smells like change

Mouth/ Taste – List one thing you can taste or want to taste.

more chocolate!

And here I am, very much in this room and this time, present and enjoying this moment as it happens. I hope you are too! Feel free to re-arrange the senses and use what works best for you. I hope it helps calm and soothe you. I hope it brings you into the present moment and truly alive in your day. 

Back to School

We are heading into the new school year and the time is coming for new routines. This includes family breakfast, homework, and packed schedules. I have always loved the fall and its new beginnings. This annual renewal coincides with our new home and it feels right. It feels so good to have this opportunity to build something different, to craft a fresh agenda, to create a list of our goals, meal plans, and strategies for the months to come. It’s exciting to be in our home and building something vibrant and different. This time just feels holy and alive with possibility. 

As I anticipate the future I like to remind myself of the basics, the tools I need and use to keep myself in the best and healthiest frame of mind. There’s a lot of big regular stuff I do to stay grounded. I have found that what helps me function in a busier environment is taking care of myself and making time for the things that are important to my daily health first. 

Quiet time for reflection and work. Meditation and eating well. Getting enough rest.Drinking enough water, and Giving myself the things I need to feel good – comfy clothes, a safe environment, and healthy boundaries with others.

The joy of crafting meal plans and adding new adventures to our schedules is drenched in anticipation. We get to pick and choose what we devote our time and energy to attaining. I am so grateful to have this opportunity to build something new. I am also grateful to be coming to this fall with a deeper sense of self and self-awareness. Using the guiding principles above, I hope to keep myself healthy and strong so that I don’t get distracted from my own goals or overwhelmed by the annual pick-up in activities.

I do not know what this fall will bring but I am sure that it carries joy, opportunity, and laughter with it. We are ready for what comes next – and I do not mean that we are organized or our boxes are unpacked. What I mean is that we will be be able to build and create something great out of the materials we have now. I know that we can do it. I know that you will join me and I am excited to see where this fall takes us. What are some of your goals for the new school year? What are some of the fall delights that you look forward to enjoying? Does this time feel sacred to you too?

Manifesting Your Best Life

One of my favorite things to do is manifest my best life. For me manifesting means that I envision what wonderful things I want in my life and then I celebrate when they arrive. I dream, envision, and picture. Here are some of the ways I make Manifesting work for me. 

Set a clear intention and Pinterest – Not everything I want is present and accounted for in a perfectly curated board but much of it is. Yes, some of my boards are big imaginings that will take years to accomplish – my chateau based retreat for women, that is vivid and strong but not what I’m working on right away, that’s a 15 to 20 year dream. I use the site to envision my next home and my dream for a writer’s cottage – the result is a next home that looks cottage-y and will encapsulate all of the beautiful hopes and dreams I have pinned and imagined already. 

Sidebar: I couldn’t be more excited or thrilled with what awaits me and my family in our new home.

Curate the Pinterest board. While I’m building the dream I grab everything that remotely connects to my vision. Then I go back through my pins to find what truly speaks to me. I edit. I delete. I save from other sources and really hone in on what I love in each image. Do I love the design of the room or the furniture? I want to see an image and have it consistently reaffirm my vision. I don’t want to be confused each time a picture pops up, and when that happens I remove it because it clouds my vision and I want to be super clear and deliberate in what I am manifesting in my own life.

Reframe the desire. I write this out in my journaling and I ask the question out loud so I hear my own voice asking – “How did I get so lucky as to have (insert your dream here) a seven bedroom, seven bathroom, home close to downtown with enough space to host lacrosse practices, a pottage garden, and walking paths similar to Versailles?” This is a lot closer to the vision that I have than you would believe. And these are the things I want. Now, did I get all of these things? No! But I got closer than I ever thought possible.

The trick is the framing of my Manifestation as a question, “How did I get so lucky?” Because then instead of some random imagined future that is beyond reach now my brain now sees it as a question. A question is something unfinished that needs an answer. The brain is a magical tool and by framing what I want to manifest as a question my mind starts to work on the problem. It starts looking for opportunities and solutions that it wasn’t looking for before. My brain looks for patterns and options and even when I am not thinking about Manifesting specifically – like when I am asleep or out with friends – my brain is still looking for answers to this question, and in this way I make my own luck. My mind is constantly looking for ways to solve this problem and eventually, it finds a way to do it!

Write down your wish list. Long ago when I was single lady I sat down to write out what I was looking for in an ideal partner. I typed up a list of the qualities I wanted in my life partner – not just tall, dark, handsome but makes me laugh, shares my values, and loves children. I called it my, “Husband Position Description,” and I got detailed, detached earlobes were on the list as were a preference for eating the other half of the Chex mix – the pieces I don’t like. No sense letting half the bag go to waste! 

I wrote the list and I forgot about it. Saved it to a file and didn’t think about it again, until years later when I was living with a man who would become my husband and came across an old document. I read through that list again and my partner checked every box on that list. That was a powerful moment, because I did not know him when I wrote that list, I only imagined that he was out in the world waiting for me to find him and then I lived my life. I met and dated men who were not him, I went to work, and out with friends. But my brain was on the look-out. My sub-conscious was weighing and measuring, checking and comparing, because it was looking to hire the perfect candidate for this position opening. And when I had found him, my sub-conscious reminded my conscious of the list so they could confirm and affirm what my brain already knew, I had found the one. 

Have faith. The biggest part here is the faith I have in the universe and God. I am a firm believer that what you put out into the universe is what comes back to you. If you send out doubt, fear, and insecurity that is what you get in return. Therefore, it is super important to send out only what you want most for yourself. Send out your hopes and blind faith and trust that what is meant for you will arrive and that which is not meant for you will pass you by. This means that even when something is taking longer than you think it should to arrive or when there is an unexpected detour you still trust and believe that your Manifestation is coming. It’s keeping that energy, that trust, that commitment to your goal. 

We must believe and trust that, “Everything arrives at its appointed time.” Your manifestation will arrive at its appointed time. You will get what you are looking for and it can feel like a perfect fit or a magical surprise when what you want shows up but God does not give you a dream that you cannot fulfill. There is no longing in your heart that was placed there to be unattainable. Everything you want, wish for, desire is within your reach. You just have to trust yourself, you mind, and your God to work those miracles for you. Pursue those goals, manifest those dreams, it’s what you are here to do! You are not here to be miserable, small, and sad. You are here to reach for stars, to build pyramids, and dance. You are here to fulfill a purpose, don’t waste your time doubting it, that serves no one. Trust yourself, you mind, and your God and watch for what you will Manifest next! 

Stay the Course Take Smaller Bites

Today slowly but surely and inch by inch things are getting done. We are making slow but steady progress on the house, on my work and personal projects. I am taking smaller bites instead of focusing on the tasks as a whole. and I can do small deliberate acts with intention and grace. I get overwhelmed when I fixate on those projects that seem larger than me and that has been today’s difference.

Rather than fixating on how hanging a picture requires first to remove the old hooks, then to spackle the walls, then to paint, and if painting then what colors, and if one color all colors for the house, and trim, and fixtures, and all too easily I have fallen down the rabbit hole and into the abyss. Whereas today I am simply doing the small things that I can to move forward. To be honest, those small things are not delightful at all. It is organizing a box, writing a list. Seemingly making no headway what-so-ever but rather doing tiny things that have no real bearing on the success of the larger project. But that my friends, is an illusion. Because it is exactly these small steps that will yield the greatest results.

Do you ever have a week at work where it feels unproductive because nothing is completed? You maybe kick a project further down the road, a conversation here, an email there. You really have nothing to report to your peers or your boss on your performance because nothing is resolved, it is all up in the air. And yet. And yet! There will be a single day, often a Friday when no one is in office to witness it, when everything seems to resolve itself. The knot you’ve been teasing and working out for months suddenly shifts and falls away. Your email inbox is empty, your project list limited to a single page or better yet shorter than ten items long. You don’t need to call anyone or email or write anything – all of your work is done – for now. 

Your work does not get resolved by some divine intervention or by a Herculean effort on your or anyone else’s part. It is not that on a seemingly unremarkable day miracles happened. It was those days, sometimes weeks, of these little steps being completed. It is the tiny, insignificant calls, texts, steps that led to monumental shifts. For that one day of glory and accomplishment there were countless hours of thought, reflection, and dull oftentimes tedious work being done quietly and without aplomb. And that is where I am right now. 

Someday I will have a stunning home and all of my projects will be celebrated successes but right now they are slowly growing in their chrysalises, falling apart and coming together in totally new and previously unimagined shapes. I am doing the drudge work, the minutia, and the million little things that all must happen in order for me and my work to be prepared for that glorious revelation. And until then I must keep that goal in the back of my mind but the small steps at the forefront. What I can do is the work. 

Success is not a single day and it is not a single step, it is an ongoing process and the best thing I can do is show up and do the work. One box of unpacking, one set of hooks removed, one decision at a time. I can only imagine what it will look like in the future but for now I roll up my sleeves and get to work. How you do break apart larger projects into smaller bites? What tools or techniques do you use to remind yourself to stay on track? What encourages you to keep going?

Making Sense of Chaos

We are living in the calm before the storm right now. Our current home and the home into which we will move next month are both in limbo. We are preparing to move, packing more boxes every day and trimming down the possessions we have out. The walls are naked and much like the purging before and the cleaning that followed, we are living with less. In many ways it is freeing. 

It is just enough upheaval to be in one home but also halfway out of it. I have been so focused on what comes next that only zoning out in front of a show seems to do the trick. My meditations feel light and I come away from them less refreshed and more focused on the mounting list of to do items that grew while I was attempting to align myself and my energy. Feng shui would say that my life is out of line because my home is out of alignment. There is no rhyme or reason to the stacks of boxes that are taking up every available space right now. Our home is typically a peaceful zone of respite from the outside world – right now the chaos is inside the house.

Here’s what I know about surviving and thriving in chaos. I need to breathe deep. I need to keep meditating even though it feels ineffective. I need to close my eyes and calm down. I need to go on a walk. I need to trust the universe and finish packing the almost full boxes that are lingering between open and closed. I need to finish wrapping up the paintings and art work still hanging on our walls. It is time to pack away precious momentoes and prepare myself to move forward. It is time to let go of attempting to control the chaos and to simply embrace it. 

Isn’t that funny about control. Ever having control is a complete illusion. The nihilist statement, “We live on a floating rock in a giant space with no real end,” beautifully articulates the breadth of control we completely lack. Being reminded of how small we are, how small I am, helps me to remember that this too shall pass. That this moment and all it’s stresses and fears and insecurities will not last forever. And I do not need to carry the responsibility for making it perfect on my back. What is to be perfect? What is my responsibility? 

My role is small and the work I do tiny, but like ants moving leaves from outside their hill back to the center to be used, shared, and of service. Perhaps those ants have a name or a dream but their role in life is simply to use their gifts to be of service to their community and so too is mine. 

My duty is not to analyze or predict what my impact will be in life or the world. My role is simply to show up and perform to the best of my capabilities the tasks I have been assigned and am inspired to complete. That is my work. That is my calling. And while I do not understand all of it or how it all relates together, that is NOT my work. I simply carry the leaf, sharing my thoughts and the fruits of my labor with all of you because you are my community, my fellow humans. You are who the work is for, and about, and to glorify. 

My brain is all over with the work there is to be done, but my focus, my next right thing is the completion of this piece. My next work is to take myself on a walk. I need to get out and to stretch my legs and to take care of myself. And then I will consider another task, my next step. 

What steps will you be taking next? Do you ever feel this inner conflict between taking action and stepping too far into thinking you can control the outcome?