M.K. Sheehan's Blog, page 17

New Year New Beginnings: Tools for Writing Your Best Resolutions

This afternoon’s mediation was on the new year and new beginnings. What do I want my story to be? Thinking about these pages and these posts. I am thinking about my love for this work and my desire to keep doing it. My dreams and goals for the coming year involve growth and hope. I am not unhappy where I am, instead I am deeply grateful to be exactly where I am in the world doing exactly what I am doing. This year I would like to practice more bravery and less trepidation – I would like the courage to leap and test my wings. I am also eager to invest in myself and my goals. Now that I have shared what my goals will be, let me share how I plan to pursue them – or rather the steps I take to keep myself aligned and working towards these goals. 

My goals for any new year are not so simple as two bullet points to start. In fact, I start with a word web, I draft and write about the things I am proud of from the past year – I pull out last year’s map and look at what I had dreamed and hoped to do and then I look back over the past year and see what items I accomplished. This is often a very rewarding experience because it reminds me of who I was the year before and what was on my mind, what I was looking forward to, and what hopes I had for myself in the previous year.

Then I look at the items I did not accomplish, those goals that were perhaps longer term than a single year, or more likely, those goals that I wanted a year ago but no longer align with where I’m going or who I am. Sometimes, they are just flukes of timing. My wish to travel more in 2020, certainly did not get accomplished. It was and is a wonderful plan, something I am finding ways to do in the U.S. for the time being. We had some exciting adventures planned, I’m looking at you Ireland. But the universe had other plans in mind and that plays a valid part in goal attainment, learning to be flexible and finding the joy where you are is an important skill set to expand as well. Bloom where you’re planted and so on. 

After I review the previous year and collect those goals that I am still pursuing, I celebrate. I was able to accomplish so much in a single year. It’s important not to just move the goal post and move on. By that I mean, and I’m learning and re-learning this all the time. It is important to celebrate your wins. You have to enjoy the good times because they sustain us while we endure life’s challenges. I make time to be good to myself, congratulate myself, and celebrate how far I’ve come before I move on to planning how far I’m going to go next. Not every field has an awards show or ceremony, and not every goal is that public, whatever your accomplishment or feat, I hope you take a break to savor the moment and honor all of the work it took to get you to that place. 

After the appropriate amount of celebration, only you know this time frame, a night, a week, the entire next year, that’s your call. But once it’s done, I collect my goals from the previous year that went unmet and I write them onto a new web, I add and fill in all of the ideas I have for the next year. I flesh out what those accomplishments will look like for me. And I determine what high level goals will be my priorities. I try to limit my top priorities to one or two goals, that seems to be the limit on what I can juggle and keep track of throughout the year. For example: a couple years ago the goals were, “more discernment and more fun.” Before that I made the goal, “the year of us,” making a point to spend more time with my partner and build that bond from which all of my other bonds grow. I choose differently each year and in the end that helps me to remain a fairly well-rounded person. 

Another way to keep yourself well rounded is to separate your goal web into different areas from the jump – I include the following, self, relationships, work, spirituality, physical health, and mental well being. Each of these areas is necessary for a full life and each of them requires efforts to the exclusion of others. You cannot do all of these things at once and by creating a web it very quickly becomes apparent which areas I am focusing on and which areas need a little more attention. When I break these pieces of my life into their own separate sections it’s easier to see where my areas for growth really are and where I am strongest. It also helps me to see where my plan and my path is taking me. 

Usually, once the annual web is created I simplify the larger ideas. Some areas overlap and if I’ve written an idea more than once, I know that goal is something that should rise to the priority list. My priority list is a short selection of 10 or fewer supplemental goals that I want to call attention to since I felt the need to add them to my web multiple times. 

In the end my resolutions take two pages – the rough draft web that I hold onto for the following year’s review and the clean list. The top of the page shows my one or two primary priorities. Then the list of ten, or fewer, high level goals from all areas and the web which lists in greater detail those items I really value, they meant so much I chose to write them down. 

Early in the year I check back on my list periodically to see how I’m doing and gauge my progress. But typically, by the middle of the year I have completely forgotten the list and go about my daily life, this way when I come back New Year’s week it is always a delight somewhat of a surprise to see what items were on the list. It’s a wonderful experience to look back over how far I have come in a single year. For me the exercise can be time intensive which is why I usually set aside a couple of days to reflect, review, and write out what I’m thinking. I find it is a lovely process to complete New Year’s week. 

For me resolutions are cathartic, the process of selecting and writing them delights me as much as planning for their accomplishment. It is a gift to have this life to plan and hope for. It is a joy to be surrounded by time and energy to pursue my goals. I hope this little road map helps you as you look at your own life, reflect on how far you’ve come, celebrated what you’ve done already, and look forward to what is next!  I can’t see where 2022 take you – I’m already so proud of you for being here! Wishing you health, wealth, and success in 2022 – whatever those words mean to you! Love, MK

Give Yourself the Gift of Joy

I am feeling peaceful and calm, gently aware of where I am in the world. I am meditating but the impact is less aggressive because I am not going right from meditation to writing. I have also eliminated my little chocolate treat post-meditation and I miss it. I enjoy a gentle reward after I reflect and bless my day with introspection. I have been enjoying this new home so much that I haven’t created much space yet for taking it all in. I have been making choices, organizing bins and objects. Transferring items from old packages into new and refreshing our belongings by eliminating those pieces that do not bring me joy. I mix a little of all theories here – Is an item useful? Is it beautiful? Does it bring me joy? If not, I remove it from my collection. Allowances are made for exercise equipment that is arguably useful but certainly does not bring me any particular joy. 

I also try to remember that holding on to something because it reminds me of someone is not a good reason to keep anything. I once read, “Throwing out a sweater from your grandmother is not throwing out your grandmother,” and that sentiment really resonated with me. Because I have so many possessions that were generously given but hold no real value for me. Obviously family heirlooms are kept or shared with someone else who will appreciate them more than I. Photograph collections are digitized or placed in albums for the next generation. But even I know holding on to images for the images sake does not serve me. If I have an image that brings me joy I save it – but images that meant something to someone else are not mine to hold and I set them free to be recycled or saved by someone else to whom they mean something.

I am also doing something different with this move. I am bringing all of my possessions of a similar category together so that I may see how much of these items I have collected over the years. It’s one thing to have pictures, shoes, or Christmas decorations housed in various closets and storage areas throughout your home – it’s another thing to see the growing pile of family photos take up half of a room. It really puts into perspective how easy and how much stuff we gather as we go and how sometimes it is ok to let these things go. For me, it is seeing the abundance of those possessions that makes the letting go easier. If I can clearly see that I have several cookie sheets, it’s a lot easier to get rid of the rusty ones – even if they were made by a fine manufacturer. 

Seeing all of my stuff together in one place has also given me the freedom to appreciate, compare and contrast. Do I love these table cloths? Or do I only love them for that one event I hosted several years ago that was a ton of fun but I have not used them since? And do I like this glassware or is it out because I don’t want to damage the really nice stuff – in which case, what am I waiting for? I have champagne flutes I absolutely adore. I refuse to take them out in case one of them breaks. Or I am waiting for the right celebration. Well, the special occasion is life. I’m done denying myself simple pleasures and so out go the cheap glasses I never really liked and in come the beautiful and elegant glasses that make me feel fancy and posh. 

I have also ordered stationery for our new home – I have christened our new home with a name. It suits the property and house. I have always wanted a house with a name and I am done waiting for someone else to name it. I love having a home with a title. I’m delighted by stationery and cannot wait to write my grocery lists on customized paper that has our property name at the top. It is a simple pleasure that thrills me and I am finally ready to give myself permission to live freely and as I want. I feel like deep down inside of me my inner child is dancing, singing, and wearing fairy wings and lots of sparkles. 

What a joy to be in a place in my life where I can give myself these simple gifts and pleasures. What a welcome moment to have finally reached, where I can savor and enjoy being alive without penalizing myself. I can make my own life nice without waiting for permission or approval. This knowledge in action is freeing and liberating. How simple it is to be kind to ourselves and how silly it is that we spend so much time denying ourselves the very things that will bring us the most happiness. 

What sweet little gifts have you given yourself lately? Are there any simple pleasures you enjoy that you have been denying yourself? What would happen if you gave yourself that small indulgence?

Making a Home

This week I am honoring my family and our home by investing my time and energy into making this space more sacred and beautiful. I am doing this by taking the time to strategize and plan, I am shopping online and not aimlessly for items we could never afford or might never use. I am searching intentionally for those pieces that will better serve our story and make our home more comfortable and lovely. I am happy with myself and my family for making comfort and connection our priorities.

We are creating space in the children’s playroom for slumber parties and a comfortable seating nook where they may read and relax in their own space. We are hanging artwork where our family gathers, these pieces may be small but they make our home feel more cozy, lived in and loved. These small steps, adding layers of fabrics, textures, and colors to our rooms make this home more hygge and make us all feel more at ease and able to unwind and relax.

Yesterday I felt my tether getting a little short. I felt overwhelmed by a weekend of events and not enough time to be alone and at peace. I was go-go-going and by dinner time on Sunday I could feel my patience slipping. I took a break, I went and meditated and instead of writing, I took my fresh self to my family. I invited my daughter to make dinner together – an idea she had suggested earlier in the day. I collaborated with her and she helped immensely by planning the meal, putting away dishes, and setting the table. She made our little life so lovely and I felt so pleased and proud of her. I also felt gratitude to myself. Instead of pushing through my boundary in order to be a martyr and “please,” others, I took a break. I left to recharge. And we had the most wonderful conversation over dinner. We all ate and were happy and it was so good. It could not have been such a joyful night if I had pushed myself beyond my breaking point. I needed to take care of myself before I could healthfully take care of anyone else. I am so glad I walked away and came back refreshed, rather than pushing myself beyond my limits.

My small and intentional act of choosing comfort is what I hope to create for my family in this house. As I search online and via Pinterest for my, “personal design style,” I am seeking images that feel comfortable and easy. I don’t want my home to look like a museum or a funeral home. I want people to feel at ease and safe. I want this home to hold our family and our guests in a cocoon of health and warmth. I want this space to feel welcoming and happy. I want there to be room for growth and beauty but more than these auspicious grecian ideals, I want a home where people come to feel both held and free. 

I have no interest in acquiring furniture that cannot be sat upon or pieces that may only be observed, never touched. I want to be proud of my home but I also want others to feel welcomed, like they are walking into a hug. I want this space to be where my children and their friends gather to play and rest. I want this to be the home where confidences are shared and everyone is their best selves, including me.

How do you make space for comfort in your home? What pieces in your collection bring you the most joy? How do you create hygge? 

Planning Your Joy: A Roadmap

I want talk about the wisdom of Michelle Obama. “You have to plan you joy,” these words spoke to my soul and I hope it does to yours too. My time is often eaten up by obligations, duties, and expectations. Weekends falling victim to “to-do” lists and events. And before I can blink the year is done and I have done so many things for other people, groups, and associations but I haven’t spared a second for myself. I have failed to give myself time to nurture, nourish, and grow my own passion projects, interests or even my own self-care.

This year I tried something new, I scheduled monthly meetings with my long-distance friends. Those circles and people that I don’t see often but miss and want in my life. Here we are in December and I have rarely missed or re-scheduled these events simply because in January they were the first things I put onto my calendar. Seeing success with these endeavors I am going to apply this strategy to some other areas of my life. I am going to take this experience and Michelle Obama’s wisdom and use them both to enhance and improve my own life. I’m sharing my roadmap so you can too!

Planning my joy – I’m going to break this down into smaller bites.

Time for myself – These are what Julia Cameron calls “Artist Dates.” Dates that you don’t share with anyone else. You don’t take your kids or partner, you don’t turn it into errand running or a task. It is simply time just for yourself to have fun. The time is designed to spark your creativity and feed your inner artist. Naturally I am going to start by scheduling a couple hours at least once a week to do something that I am excited about and that interests me and this is just for me, a special treat, an experience that feeds my soul and fuels my creativity. I am starting with a class, open studio, something structured otherwise I procrastinate!

Partner Quality Time – Date-night is Thursdays at our house. I’m on the hunt for a babysitter to make these nights more special and meaningful for my partner and myself. We each need a night off dinner duty and a break from the monotony of routine. I have these dates on our calendar and they are refueling our relationship. Making time to get out and try something new together breathes new life into our union.

Kiddos – Once a week dates with each kid. This may be as simple as completing a craft together. But I often find that when I am in the midst of chaos my children will come to me with a fairly large request – “Will you help me make a quilt?” And while I would love to do this if I had the time, I am often in the middle of preparing a family meal or about to hop in the shower when this request comes in. So I’m carving out time for each child where we can read, go on a walk, or have a picnic lunch and go to the park. Now I can enjoy making beautiful memories with my children while they still want to spend time with me. And hopefully we’ll make it a habit that they never out-grow.

Family time – I’m starting with a once a month family adventure. I find that the memories I enjoy most are when we go somewhere new as a family and try something different. Just a day trip to somewhere nearby is all it takes to inspire us and bring us closer together. We play and learn together and because the experience is new to all of us, no one is bored, and no one is in charge. We are all on this adventure together and that’s the part that is most thrilling. My goal is also to share responsibility for this time – each person gets a month to choose what our activity will be. This will hopefully democratize the process so we don’t end up only going where one person wants and everyone gets an opportunity to pitch in and share a topic, place, or adventure that they want to try. I will let you know how this goes!

Time with Friends – I always love time with friends but I rarely plan it into my schedule. Therefore, I am adding a night out with friends monthly. Perhaps one date a month is a double date night. Or meeting a friend on their back porch for cocktails and we exchange spouses for the evening so each partner gets an adventure. There’s a lot of good that comes of time with friends. 

I’m also planning a dinner party a month. In the midst of COVID I have forgotten how to host. I have missed leisurely all day brunches, sporting event parties, and potlucks. I’m excited to stretch my hosting muscles again and get back into the kitchen and eating appetizers with friends while dinner cooks. I’m excited to make dining an adventure that we undertake together. I’m excited to get back to living.

What are you most excited about? What other tips do you have for making fun a part of your regularly scheduled activities and daily life? How do you make time for yourself and the relationships that really matter?

Five Phrases to Keep Us Grounded

Today I am thinking about the things I learned as a child that have stuck with me all through my life. The little gems of wisdom that we sprinkle on children and hope they stick. These are cliches but they are also accurate and cuttingly quick – why waste your time trying to say it another way? Here’s a few of my favorites and I hope you’ll share some of your own – I’m always game to learn something new

Keep hands, feet, and all other objects to yourself. This was a great one from the wall of rules that our sixth grade class would have to write repeatedly until we learned them. I’ll say they stuck, it has been a long time since sixth grade. I remember Mrs. Richards and I have managed to follow this rule throughout my life. What a powerful and wonderful lesson to remind us to be respectful of ourselves and of other people.

You can always stoop over to pick up nothing. This one I learned in college from a friend’s mother. At first I did not understand it and I mulled it over long and hard before suddenly one day it made sense. What a wise woman, you can waste your time or you can learn from what I’m teaching you that is all your decision. What an elegant way to call someone on their bullshit. 

If you can’t say something nice come sit here by me. Steel Magnolias remains one of my favorite movies and the wisdom of southern women never ceases to impress or delight me. The homespun wisdom of Dolly Parton, the sharp wit of Julia Shugarbaker, and the countless friends I have accumulated over a lifetime of devotion to the cult of southern womanhood. I could write a whole post about the brilliant one-liners of southern women but I’ll hold off with one more.

It’s hard to be a diamond in a rhinestone world. Dolly Parton, the visionary, musician, and living breathing angel among us is full of timeless wisdom that soothes the soul and warms the heart. It is challenging to be authentic in a world that expects perfection but rarely explains what that looks like – for women it often resembles a centerfold, who is also a devoted mother, partner, and void of any challenging opinions like her own intrinsic value or desire for respect and bodily autonomy. None of us fits that mold because we are all complex, unique, and divinely flawed people. Dolly’s words apply on so many levels, don’t they?

Actions speak louder than words. Now wasn’t this embroidered on a pillow in all our houses at one time? This classic is wonderful and holds weight. We can say all the kind things in the world but if we fail to show up for our friends or support our families at times of need what are we doing? You have to back up that lip service with a little hustle and some action. Send a casserole, call a friend, shoot a text. Let people know you’re thinking about them. It’s the only way they’ll know!

What are some other wonderful words of wisdom that you carry with you to help keep you honest and grounded? I am aching to know!

Abundance and Gratitude at Thanksgiving

Today as we prepare for the coming Thanksgiving holiday and all the bounty of harvest, hearth, and home, I am reflecting on abundance. I am reflecting on the wealth and beauty that we have in our possession already. I am full. I know I often reflect on gratitude and this is the perfect week to remember all of those things and people that I am grateful to have an hold. I also want to hold still and absorb the abundance of joy and connection this time of year brings. 

Like many of our holidays since COVID-19 took hold nearly two years ago this year’s celebrations will be scaled back and shaped differently than years before. On Thanksgiving 2020 we took a totally different route to our celebrations. We usually gather with extended family and even borrow chairs from the local funeral home to accommodate the crowd that gathers at our long tables. Last year, instead of that annual gathering of cousins, family, friends, and long lost relatives we stayed home. We hosted no-one and celebrated our own small family gathering. It was gorgeous. I broke out the fine china, used a fresh cocktail recipe, and old traditional foods. Everything was smaller than usual, but it’s intimacy made the experience so much richer.

Because there were so few of us, we did not have the constant flow of conversation or people popping in and out, we prepared our meal, dressed for dinner, and when the days preparations were done in the blink of an eye we let the children bathe and put their jammies on early. We decorated the tree, we savored each  other’s company and when we toasted our health we truly meant it. Our time as a family took on a new sacredness under the light of our small hearth and the glow of Christmas lights. 

This year we have yet to determine how we will celebrate the day. Like many families, not everyone in our circle is vaccinated and while our children cannot yet be vaccinated we will not be gathering. Instead of seeing this as a disappointment, we are going to focus on our good fortune. How lucky are we that we have so many people in our lives with whom we wish to spend the day? How fortunate we are to have enough to food to share. We are truly blessed with health and love. We are surrounded by the spirits of those who have gone before us and by the love that fills each of our hearts when we are together as well as when we are apart. We are also fortunate to know and love so many people with so many perspectives. The diversity of our community is what makes us all stronger. 

I am grateful for all of these things and more. I am surrounded by wealth and abundance. It is my good fortune and joy that there is so much food, family, love, and light to share on these shorter and shorter days. There is nothing easy about this disease but it has given us a new perspective. It has given us back to the outdoors and spending time outside with friends. It has given us opportunities to deepen our connections with those friends and family that truly fill us up. And it has given us the time to draw comfort and consolation from the world by rekindling the love we build in our homes. How fortunate we all are and how grateful I am that this season is upon us and that we have such an abundance of blessings to celebrate together either virtually or just in our hearts. 

What are you looking forward to this holiday season? Are vaccinations making it easier or harder for you to gather with loved ones? What are you most grateful for this year?

Vulnerability: Getting Behind the Mask

I recently had brunch with girl friends. We drank mimosas, sat outside under the trees, laughed, and celebrated just being in each other’s presence again. It was deeply nourishing and satisfying. And more than that there were some refreshing and honest conversations. One began, “I don’t know how you women with children are still married because if I have to clean up cat vomit off our new carpet one more time while I listen to my partner snore, so help me!” Another began, “I’m just going to say that it was awful because I find that if I don’t we’ll just have these conversations about how brilliant and lovely our children are and we’ll start by lying to others and end up lying to ourselves.” And let me just say that statements were so freeing. They were the balm my weary soul required. 

The bold honesty of my fellow women just opened me up, cracked and jostled the persona just enough so that we could really talk. We could have those deep dark conversations about what it has been like to be human and alive throughout this pandemic. It has not been good. And it has been hard and there is a lot of bitterness that we feel guilty expressing or sharing because everyone else seems to be living this idyllic existence. We presume others caught up on their reading lists, home schooled their children, and reconnected with their spouses throughout this global pandemic. 

We know that reality is shaped differently. We know know this because we see it in our own homes, and yet, for some reason we suspect that this pandemic has been easier for others. Easier for those without children. Easier for those with more resources or those who planned ahead and booked vacations, or those who hired nanny’s, or sent their children to private schools where in-person classes never stopped. Easier for parents who were both working throughout the pandemic. Easier for those who’s parents did not live with them. Easier for those who had groceries delivered. The thing of it is that none of this pandemic was easy for any of us. We collectively have suffered, endured, and lost a lot. And just taking a minute at a table surrounded by compatriots and battle weary gladiators, it felt good to see and be seen. 

It felt good to admit our shortcomings and confess our fears and challenges. It felt good to embrace the chaos and own the reality instead of pretending that the illusion is real. We got to take off our masks and reveal our weaknesses to one another and we all felt better for it because then we could laugh. We shared what we could, we kept it light. But we also kept it honest. We gave of ourselves, our hearts, and our humor. We laughed big and hard and the women brunching at tables near ours commented on how jealous they were not to be included in the conversation. 

What a gift to be at the table. What an honor to be surrounded by brave and proud warriors. What a joy to know that I am not alone in my failings. Each of those women gave me hope and comfort and a shelter from the storm of reality. We could admit our weaknesses and we could build each other up. We could forge new bonds and rekindle connections. We could be our most authentic selves and be celebrated for it, not ridiculed or shamed for not portraying the perfect image the world wants. What I celebrate is an act of tyranny. A rejection of the illusion that we are all perfect, that we are taking all of the garbage the world throws at us and making it into homemade dinners and family game nights. We are parking our children in front of screens and baking frozen pizzas so that we can sit silently in the same rooms as our partners scrolling on our phones because that is all we can manage and that is enough. We are all just doing our best and we are enough.

How to Incorporate Discernment into Your Daily Life

This week I have been rushing from one task to the next, attempting to manage, contribute, complete, and resolve every project, task, email, etc. I am jumping from one fire to the next, never stopping long enough to consider if, perhaps, the work that needs to done is not the rushing from task to task but rather that I need to pause and reflect on my priorities. Perhaps by considering what duties are most important I will find that the work I am doing is possibly not serving me. 

It’s what Brenee Brown calls, “hustling for worthiness.” I am eager to prove my value and hoping that by jumping through all of these hoops I will prove my worth. But that’s not how worth works. First, it doesn’t come from external sources. Second it is intrinsic, it is not given or bestowed, I have value (and so do you!) simply by virtue of being present and alive) and that’s it. The rest is choice – am I going to continue to choose to be reactionary, rushing from one task and to do item to the next? Or am I going to pause and use discernment to find my best way forward?

Discernment is the right answer, always. Discernment asks us to look inside for answers rather than outside. It is not allowing every wind to blow us off course. It is pausing and holding still, rather than chasing every passing thought or idea. Discernment is an inner knowing, a trust in our individual compasses to guide us. It is soul, it is heart, it is listening. Discernment is connecting deeply with ourselves to know our way forward.

For me personally discernment looks like meditation, schedule, good food, and rest. When I have those boxes checked then I am free to listen. I often practice discernment by writing. I write to know what I think and whenever I doubt that I have a path I re-read what I have written and am often surprised by the clarity, the obvious path that leads me forward and through difficult times, happy times, and large and small decisions. 

Discernment is when it makes no sense but you know it’s the right thing to do. It is trusting yourself and that tiny voice that is begging to be heard even when the world is shouting for you to go one way, discernment will illuminate the path is truly yours.

How does one discern? For me I get a feeling of excitement when I am pursuing something that feels good and right. When I am on my path it feels like a homecoming, a comfortable and well worn path, and it’s easy. Choosing myself and my own path feels right and good. If you have to push too hard that is not the path. When everything seems to magically fall into place, that’s when I’m in the right place doing the right thing. I am discerning and not forcing. 

Discerning is also listening before you begin, it is not charging ahead or rushing, it is rest and reflection, it is taking a deep breath and listening to what your heart beat is saying. Discernment is trust and faith, it is balance and breath, it is knowing, feeling, trusting. Following your own drummer, taking care of yourself first is calm, humble, and freeing. 

Discernment does take time to learn because in our culture we are so fixated on what the world and others think or believe about us that we sometimes listen to those shouts instead of the whispers of our inner knowing. I made discernment part of my annual goal a few years ago, to practice discernment when making large and small choices. By practicing I got better and through practice I learned how to trust myself first, rather than to the outside world. This practice has been uplifting and freeing. It has helped me to not only attain personal and professional goals, it has kept me in the right frame of mind, it has kept me present and focused. This practice has reminded me that what I think, believe, feel, know is important, necessary, and vital to my personal success. It is necessary to my growth and my journey. It is what keeps me honest and helps me keep the faith. Discerning what my next step is rather than checking boxes, or reading from a script, has helped me to get where I’m going and feel confident that the steps I am taking, my journey and my destination. 

How do you use discernment in your everyday life? Is there a method or tool you use to connect with yourself and listen? How do you know your path when you see it?

Finding Peace in Stillness

I am not accomplishing anything, I am not planning my next steps I am simply here. There is sunlight pouring in through the open window. A cool fall breeze blows through the trees and all I see is open sky and leaves. Life is so beautiful in the fall. We had an exterminator come this morning. A few little mice attempted to join us as roommates this season and we are not here for that – we are not a hotel. How glorious it was to be outside in the fresh air. We walked around the house, chatted with someone new, and just absorbed the light and loveliness of a fall day. 

For lunch we grilled steaks outside and sliced them for baguette sandwiches with cartelized onions and a cream sauce of my own invention. It was a lovely meal. The perfect day to cook outdoors and share some good food. So often in the week we get moving and sucked into the hustle and bustle of agendas and tasks, the current of activities sweeping away the precious moments we have to share and enjoy as a family. It is so nourishing and deeply satisfying to take this time to meditate. To absorb and process all of the emotions we are feeling, the sensations rushing through our senses, and to really pause and reflect on all that we are and hand in this moment. 

Planning for the future is wonderful, adding to our list of duties is bound to happen. But sitting still and just absorbing the loveliness of this moment, this place, and nowhere else. That is a glorious gift. This sweet little time in which I am doing nothing but chewing the salty sweet goodness of a chocolate shortbread cookie, gazing over at the space in the sun where light is beaming through the window and onto the carpet. I think I will transition over there and bask in the sunlight as a cat might. Simply stretching and absorbing the bounty and beauty of this moment. That’s what I am going to do and nothing more, nothing less, than everything I want. 

How do you find stillness in your daily life? Does it feel like an obligation or a reward for you?

Planning Ahead: A Gift to My Future Self

This overcast and rainy day has already been surprisingly productive. I have cleaned out bins, unwrapped packages, I have prepared a meal for my family from scratch and made enough to freeze some for a later date. What a gift. Tomorrow both children return to their respective schools and this deadline has me feeling the urge to be productive to move small hills before they turn into mountains. I am proud of myself and pleased with my progress. 

Each of these steps in and of themselves is small. They are tiny little leaps that collectively create a giant step forward. I am grateful to myself for making this possible. This work sometimes feels unproductive, it feels as if I am only treading water and not truly swimming but like ducks floating on the waters surface underneath the waves I am kicking like crazy. 

And that’s what these little victories are all about. They’re about making the time for the little things that collectively push me forward to my goal and also make everything else feel easier. It is caring for my future self. The preparation of a delicious homemade meal that is not just for this moment but will nourish my family in the future – I have given my future self the benefit of having a nutritive meal ready without having to put in the time or effort. I have given future me a gift. 

Much as the delivery of a utensil holder and shoes is not particularly glamorous – but past me knew we needed these things and did the work to select the perfect pieces that would fit tidily into our new space. The delay in their delivery could not be helped but the reward of being able to unwrap these gifts and clear up our counter is wonderful. It was a delightful surprise for my partner who knew these items were coming but didn’t know when. 

I watered and pruned our tomato plants. This year’s fruits have not been particularly abundant or delicious. The tomatoes are watery and lacking flavor – what I am most looking forward to is the opportunity to roast and freeze these tomatoes for soups this winter. I am still using the tomatoes harvested last year in this year’s bisques and sauces. Again, it’s small steps, pulling out the kitchen sheers and collecting the leaves that have fallen and that need to be pruned from the plant so that it may thrive and nourish those buds that will turn into fruit. 

I went through boxes of old clothing, items I had held onto out of sentimentality. Items that meant something to me at the time or that I felt were too nice to just pass on so quickly. Looking at those sweet pieces now I am struck by how silly it is to hold on to those items that do not serve me. I am holding on to clothing that some other child might wear. It might bring them joy and they might delight in wearing them. Therefore, I went though the collection again. I kept the pieces that were particularly meaningful, and let go of the rest. I do not need every garment. No child requires items that are too small for them to sit in storage. I am relieving myself from the burden of having to go through these items again in the future. 

It is a gift to have so much that we may share with others. It is a joy to let so much go out into the world to hopefully make someone else’s day brighter. I am so grateful that I have given myself and my family the gift of less. I am making room for the things that are truly meaningful and valuable to me. I am making space for the people and ideas that will spark my imagination and help me to move forward. I am not clouding my physical space or my mental space with accumulated items or tasks that belong to someone else. And let them! Let them feel the joy of opening a new treasure or of having something in their home that is useful and valuable to them. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to be a part of that chain of events and to give the gift of a better day to someone else. I am full of gratitude for what I have been able to set free today. It has been a liberating and exciting day. It feels quite powerful to be this light, to let this much go, and to be free of the burden of caring for or tending to these belongings any more. They are free and I am free and it feels wonderful. What a gift!

When you donate do you feel better? Does it feel this good for everyone else? The sensation is lightness isn’t it? Or do you feel something else?