M.K. Sheehan's Blog, page 15

Staying Present: Opossum Invasion

We’ve been invaded. The double edged sword of living in such close proximity to nature. We love the beautiful trees, the expansive vistas and looking out our windows at nothing but green leaves and sky. But this also means we are right in nature’s lap. The first things our neighbors warned us to watch out for was the wildlife. Our yard is apparently a parade route for foxes, coyotes, and a family of albino opossums – just to name a few. 

This afternoon I took the dog out and walked into the garage when I decided to check on my son’s toys. The door from the house to the garage was not closed tightly and I wondered if he had perhaps left a mess that might inadvertently result in one of his toys being run over or someone tripping. While looking on the far side of the garage I noticed that our blinds had fallen. Then I noticed a face looking back at me. 

A distinctly rodent face that looked too large to be a mouse but was shaped like one. It looked lighter in coloration so either an albino opossum child or a rat. The doleful and kindly eyes lead me to believe it was an opossum but I promptly moved to open the garage to let whatever it was escape – as it was clearly attempting to do through the window.

The garage door is open and I am now reflecting on what items will need to be brought in from the garage – which items I hope and pray have not been nibbled or burrowed in or soiled. Shoes, toys, golf clubs, my hope is that the little invader was only in there for the night and is just hungry and trying to find their way home to their family. Still the idea of some animal in and among my things uninvited makes me squirm. I do not like rodents and least of all rodents in my space and unexpectedly wreaking havoc in my home. Oh, yuck, yuck, yuck. 

I know it is we who are at fault as it must have wandered in while we were outside in the yard. I hope it did not make its own way into the garage as that opens up a whole new crop of items to address. Still if it has, we will deal with it and I am grateful to have learned this lesson so early and in the spring months. I am grateful that it was me who found the intruder and not one of my children who could have been scared or worse yet bitten just because they didn’t know the animal was there and scared it. I’m grateful that we have the ability to send the little beast on its way without harm. I’m grateful that we live in this area and delighted that nature always finds a way. 

I have been searching my lawn night and day these last few weeks hoping to catch a glimpse of a fox, coyote, deer, or opossum and the sweet little darlings brought the show to me. God has a sense of humor. These are the unexpected moments that truly make us feel alive and bring us into the present. There’s nowhere else to be when confronted with a furry faced friend in the dark of a garage. I hope it finds its way home safely. I hope I did not scare it too much with the noise of the garage door and yelling for my partner. I’m grateful for the lesson and will be glad to take it with me as we forge into spring – oh the gifts are many. I’m so glad we’re learning them now. 

What lessons has nature taught you recently? 

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Surround Yourself with Support

I am sharing the news of our home purchase with my close and dear friends – it feels so good to share with this news with the people I like and admire. I’m grateful to be living in this place and to be sharing my joy with people I genuinely like. It feels so good to share my happiness and to not feel as if I have to temper it or play it down in order to make someone else feel better. I can rejoice openly with friends who honestly want what is best for me and I am noticing those friends with whom I am second guessing my choices to share this happy news. 

The people who can only offer half-hearted support. The people who are going through their own trials may not be able to give support and that is ok. I am not going to weed these people out of my life but I am paying attention to which friends are going through something themselves and those who perhaps view our relationship as a competition. It is a gift to share this joy and being deliberate in who I share joy with is just as important as the choice to share pain or sorrow.

I am realizing that sharing joy is much like sharing pain – we must be selective with whom we share opportunities and our woes. Not everyone is able to give unquestioning support. Not everyone has enough to give to others. We are all on different journeys in this life. We are all sharing the path for but a short while, we must be as good to one another as we can manage, give what we can and go on. I am not lingering. I am open right now only to those people with whom I can celebrate and share both the highs and lows of life without reservation. I am opening the windows to let in the light and only the light. 

I am becoming selfish. Selfish with my time, my energy, my resources. I am only sharing what limited energies I have that are extra. I simply do not have energy for those people that are not my people. We all know those dementors and vampires that wish to suck the life or joy out of the room or others. The people with deep wells of need that long to absorb whatever light or grace you have to give. I simply do not have room for that sort of person in my life anymore. I am moving on, I am moving forward, I am walking with grace and only taking with me those that share my calling. 

Each of us travels a difficult path, I cannot walk my path and yours. I can only walk this journey the best way I know how and that includes being kind to myself first, loving myself first, and in order to do that to the best of my abilities I need to distance myself from that which drains me. When I do this I can give time and space to all the things that fill me up.

For me it is meditation, hot tea, reading good books, painting, writing, and petting my dog. I love walks in the evening and I have rediscovered my love for playing basketball in the driveway. I love friendships that enrich my life and sustain me – I love quality time with the people who love and support me. I am grateful. Truly deeply, grateful that I have learned so much and now know that I do not have to waste my time in relationships I’m not so sure about or people who make me question what I already know. I only have time for friends that feel like cool water, people who refresh and revive me. 

Those dear souls that reawaken my interest in life and guide me to new discoveries. Those sacred and wonderful people who give me life and do not take what they are not willing to give back in return. How lucky am I to have survived the false and feeling friendships of my twenties to come away with some real, true gems that I plan to carry with me for many years to come. 

It takes a lot of work to sift through the sand to find those good people that not only make life bright and beautiful, but to know how to invest in them and in yourself enough to keep those friendships going for the long haul. What a blessing experience is, it teaches us so much that we finally reach a place where we know the lesson. How wonderful it is to be in this place in life – I’m proud to have made it this far. And I’m grateful to overcome all that I have to reach this place. The view is grand and I am grateful to be here to see it – not everyone who starts the journey gets to reach this peak. We are the lucky ones.

What do you do that fills you up best? How do you take care of yourself by nurturing healthy and mutually supportive relationships?

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Proactive Healthcare

As we all grapple with the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic I think it’s important to address self-care when we are ill or in recovery. In years past it was always a rush to get back to a typical schedule, pushing ourselves and our bodies back into full activity and agendas. Now that we are all being forced to slow down, to choose to care for ourselves physically may be the key to our continued health or recovery should we become ill. The goal however it not to get back to regular activity but to determine how we wish to engage going forward. How will we tend to ourselves and help our minds and bodies to heal?

Food – One of my favorite pastimes is sharing a good meal with people I love. Friends, family and good food belong together in my mind. I also love how food bridges the gaps between cultures and gives us all something we can share. Flavors, recipes, and cooking techniques are wonderful common ground we all share no matter our background. It is also necessary for health. As you ease back into you regular routine and start adding your preferred foods back into your diet, choose foods that sustain and nourish your body. 

Body – Learn to honor your body’s needs. I am no longer one to push myself to accomplish the next goal or rush from one thing to another. There is no prize for pushing my body past its comfortable limits. I am realizing that for me to be my best self and operate at the level I wish to operate, I need to be well rested and comfortable. This includes making time to exercise and stretch – it feels good to get my body moving but also to let it rest when it is ready. I am being active without overextending myself beyond my body’s boundaries. Taking care of my physical self includes nurturing and noticing when my body is tired and needs more time to heal.

Sleep – Getting enough rest is always important – doctors recommend eight hours a night for most people. To learn more about the scientific impact of sleep less on your health check out this Ted Talk, Sleep is Your Super Power by Matt Walker. The most striking takeaway that stays with me, “The shorter your sleep, the shorter your life.”

Mental – Recovery from COVID, injury, or any illness requires mental investment. It is important to mentally prepare ourselves and create an environment for health and wellbeing. If we are hopeless, superstitious, or preemptively defeated we cannot face our challenges with the determination and grit they require. Mental endurance, recovery, and resolve are much like physical strength – we must train our muscles. This means visualizing ourselves well, remembering those that we are living and fighting for, and having hope that despite the challenges we face – illness like wellness is temporary. We are not going to be sick forever, though sometimes it does feel like it. We are going to get well and to do that we need to remember our mental health is part of our practice for healing. 

When we are worn down we are all more susceptible to illness and fatigue. The best way to combat illness and take care of ourselves is to practice everyday wellness so that if we should be confronted with an injury or ailment we are ready to face the challenge with grace, optimism, and strength. 

Preventative self-care may seem simple but as we’ve all been masked, socially distanced, and isolated for three years we can get tired of the routine and let our guard down. If you’re feeling worn out by the obligations of COVID and the proactive steps we’re all taking, just remember that you’ve made it this far and I’m proud of you. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Taking care of ourselves is our most important work, you’re important to the world, we need you well – keep up the great work! 

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Creating a Self-Care Plan

Taking action to preserve or improve our health is a necessary practice. When creating a self-care plan of your own it’s important to remember that it’s not necessary to address every area of your health or wellness at once. It is much more effective to select a few areas to address and change or try new ones over time. The following is a list of areas of health we can work to improve: 

Environmental – recycling, planting a personal or community garden.

Emotional – Activities that involve each of your senses can help you improve emotional health. Anything that engages smell, taste, touch, sight, and sound.

Intellectual – Read a book, relax, taking a break.

Occupational – Balance between work and leisure time. Building relationships with coworkers and industry peers.

Physical – Exercise, eat a variety of healthy foods, taking a walk outside

Spiritual – Creating a quiet space for solitude and contemplation can be useful for improving your spiritual health.

Financial – Following a budget, cutting back, or limiting unnecessary expenses.

Community – Turn to a partner, friend or family member when you feel overwhelmed.

When self-care is practiced regularly it helps buffer the impact of a mental health challenge. When we care for ourselves we are better equipped to help ourselves and others. Self- care is an important tool to help achieve wellness. It is a deeply personal process of regaining physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional balance. It means different things to different people.

During stressful times in life, people naturally carry their stress with them everywhere they go. Whenever you feel overly stressed, or better yet before you feel overwhelmed, it may be a good time to focus on self-care.

When was the last time you did something to take care of yourself? How has self-care helped you to maintain balance in your life?

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Making Meaning in an Empty Day

I write a lot about what to do when there is too much on your plate. Long weeks and heavy work loads seem to be the name of the game lately but every so often the universe gives us the gift of time and space. The trick is not to fill it up – as we are often so tempted to do when we catch a spare moment. The day will pass, time has a way of marching on even when we feel stuck or busy, but we can choose to use our unscheduled time with intention.

Free time is our opportunity to rest, recover, and reflect but so often the way we spend our free time leaves us just as drained and exhausted as if we had worked a full day. Therefore when we find ourselves facing an empty agenda it helps to take a moment to think and set an intention for the day. 

Setting my intention – Do I want to feel energized? Do I need rest? What does my mind, body, heart, spirit ask of me today? These are some excellent questions I use to figure out what I need for myself in the day. This way I don’t loose myself in social media or in a Netflix binge and wonder where the day has gone and why I am so hungry. For instance, today I have noticed our family is a bit on edge and so we took a trip to the library. New books always put us in better moods and having an adventure that doesn’t cost anything but feeds our minds and souls is one wonderful way I take care of my family and myself. 

Eating well – What foods do I like or need to feel nourished? In our house a diet consisting of primarily meatballs and meatball derivatives would satisfy half of our household at all times. For those of us who prefer more variety than just ground meat this includes indulging my cravings for a hearty salad and vegetables. It means making cookies on cold days or preparing soups that we can warm up later in the week for a satisfying non-meatball based dinner. 

Making space for fun – I already talked about watching mindless television and how that can suck my energy without leaving me feeling particularly satisfied but I do want to offer a caveat to that rule. I feel better when I watch something that I love – if I cuddle up to watch any film in the Norah Ephron or Nancy Myers Library, Sabrina, or recently Good Omens by Neil Gaimen – these creative endeavors leave me feeling inspired and engaged. 

When you watch something fulfilling, or write an extra page in a journal, you indulge yourself and give yourself the space to think differently. Activities that allow us to imagine and play leave us more refreshed and alive than had we just vegged out in front of a stressful news program or show that doesn’t particularly interest us. Don’t waste your own time, give yourself the gift of being attentive to your intention and doing something that brings you joy.

Being productive – If you insist on being productive or completing a task give yourself a time limit. I sometimes find when I have a day where nothing needs to be done I fill it with errands – grocery shopping, deep cleaning the stove, or starting a small home renovation project. Don’t fill your day with obligations but if you do need food in the house give yourself a time limit. Take an hour to run to the shops but be sure to honor yourself and your own time and be home to lay out on the couch with a good book and a hot tea. Show up for what you need not just what everyone else wants. 

Quality Time – Quality time can be by yourself or with a friend, partner, child, whomever you like and admire and want to share your time with on this day of nothing. If you’d like to call a friend and catch up or hide in your bed and read both are acceptable and equally valid uses of your time. I have decided to dig out a recipe for fall cookies that my grandmother used to make and I plan to make them with my children this afternoon. It’s not a huge undertaking or a difficult task. There’s sugar involved so we’ll all have fun making snickerdoodle cookies. It will be nice to share a piece of my childhood with my children and celebrate our shared family history together. And then we’ll have cookies for dessert later, which is always a good way to end the day.

Early to bed – Sometimes when I start having fun painting or reading it’s difficult to stop and the day whips away from me more quickly than I realize. Before I know it, it’s 6pm and I need to eat, the house needs to be tidied, and I’ve lost a day – it’s like a good day hang-over. To avoid getting into that situation where instead of savoring and celebrating the end of a good day I regret or beat myself up about how I chose to spend my time I make sure to set the alarm – just a reminder to have a good dinner, share some cookies for dessert, and stick with my regular bedtime routine. I may even add in a face mask or some luxurious treat for myself before bed. Make it sweet and simple and get some good rest so that I can enjoy reflecting on this day of leisure and rest joyfully for the rest of the week and maybe make more time in my schedule for days like this that really nourish and fill me up.

Unlearning

I’m eating a chocolate shortbread cookie with strawberry icing, it tastes like cold fresh jam. The flavor feels cool and refreshing on my tongue. It just feels so good to be treating myself so well.  Lately it seems as if I am actively unlearning all of the lessons trauma has taught me. I am learning to love myself and let others love me and it feels nurturing on a level I did not know I needed.

For a long time it didn’t matter if the gift was large or big – if I wanted a cookie, or a trip, or new luggage if those expenditures were for me they were too much. I could buy tickets for a flight to visit someone else, or if there was some obligation tied to the travel – then it was justifiable and there were strings of logic related to who was allowed, when it was allowed, and what was ok for me to enjoy if it was related to someone else. I could not afford to go on vacation – but my friend’s mother passed and so a four day trip to Las Vegas was acceptable because it was to comfort her. 

There was nothing too pricey for my children or my extended family but my partner was on the same level as myself – they didn’t really need anything, much like I didn’t really “need,” anything. Lately that has shifted. I am finding that I myself have wants, needs, desires that long to be met. They linger if they go unanswered for too long. My wanting new clothes, or shoes, or a bag that I will have spent hours investigating and pouring over online used to be activities that would consume me and leave me feeling unfulfilled. I felt unworthy of care but I am finding now that investing in myself, investing in the things I want is very satisfying. It gives me the freedom to stop fixating on whatever that item was and move on to living with that gift. It is interesting and sad that so much time was spent denying myself that which I wanted most.

Simple things like a sweet treat at the bakery, mid-range things like a new purse, or luggage set, an adventure or trip to some far off place that might delight or inspire me to create some new art or reimagine my priorities in a new way. These gifts help me along on my journey. They make my path more delightful, richer, and more pleasurable. Feeling that nurtured, supported, and cared for by myself inherently shifts the way I view myself and the world. 

The kindness I am showing myself transforms the way I relate to others and myself. Because I no longer save the best for someone else, or treat myself as if I am not worthy or deserving of life’s joys and pleasures, I am enjoying those delights myself. I am planting seeds in my own soil and coaxing inner growth and development first. I am not giving all of the best I have to offer away. I am nurturing myself. I am giving to me first and that is a powerful shift. It takes a little time and I am not perfect – I still have not purchased the bag or the luggage and I still haven’t booked a vacation just for my partner and me or just for myself but I’m getting there. I’m writing about it and that tells me it is important. It is something I need to do for myself. If I’ve been thinking about it for several months, in the immortal words of the Doors, “the time to hesitate is through.” I am buying the bag and then I will write about how that makes me feel. Not for a holiday or because I did some extra work that proved I am “now,” worthy. I am just buying it because I want it and because having that item will bring me joy. I’m off to purchase a suitcase and already I feel incredibly spoiled. 

What was the last simple pleasure you gave yourself?

15 Simple Pleasures to Make Life Lovely

I always love a new suggestion on how to make the sweet life sweeter. Especially in winter when the days are long and cold, it’s nice to be reminded of some very good things we don’t always remember to do. I compiled a list of small things I do to make life more lovely and hope you’ll try a few. I hope they bring as much simple joy and wholesome happiness to your days as they do to mine.

Read a good book – A new read or an old favorite always puts me in a good mood.Take a bath – Not too hot in winter but warm and cozy, I double the delight by putting on a face mask or bringing my Italy towel with to turn bathing into a Korean spa.Make a hot cup of tea – Harney and Sons Raspberry tea is my absolute favorite. Add a teaspoon of honey for a sweet and lovely moment.Bake a batch of cookies – Whether you use the break apart type or whip something up from scratch nothing makes a space smell like home like a batch of fresh cookies.A good stretch – Even if all you know is child’s pose a few yogic stretches can get blood flowing and warm your body up. I love legs up the wall before bed, it helps improve circulation and isn’t too strenuous.Lotionize – In winter I make a point to keep my feet moisturized and soft by using a thick cream and then layering on cozy socks. Add a little lavender essential oil to your lotion for a heavenly aroma.Add peppermint or tea tree essential oils to your shampoo – I don’t wash my hair every day but on days I need a pick me up I add peppermint to my shampoo. Another trick my stylist just taught me is to add tea tree oil to get rid of winter dandruff or dry scalp.Call an old friend or a new one fit to make an old one out of – Science shows connection releases feel good endorphins oxytocin and serotonin. Call a good friend for a quick pick me up, it’s even better if you can share a laugh.Hug your knees, partner, or pet – A good cuddle and squeeze even as short a six seconds releases endorphins and has an immediate relaxing and calming effect. It benefits our health and even improves our sleep.Dance – even if it’s alone in your kitchen, pick your favorite jams and twirl yourself around the floor. Make Yourself Your Favorite Meal – It doesn’t have to be complicated or fancy. Any meal that reminds you of childhood or a favorite memory can be special. Take your time and enjoy the process or prepare it for a friend and share the story of why this meal is special to you.Get creative – Even if it’s only for a few minutes, draw, color, or rearrange the furniture, whatever creative endeavor brings you joy give yourself some time to do it!Take a walk – Get outside into the weather and breathe deeply. A walk around your neighborhood or on a trail will always change your perspective and improve your mood. Shinrin-yoku, or Japanese forrest bathing, is a long practiced tradition for improving quality of life and health.Simplify Your Space – Research shows clutter can feel like a loss of control, especially for women. You don’t have to scour the baseboards but clearing off your desk or even a small part of your work space can feel freeing and invigorating.Purge – Even if you only set up a box for donations by your door and make a plan to place items inside of it. Getting rid of those pants that don’t fit or your tights with runs is freeing – you’re making space in your wardrobe and in your life for what comes next and that is powerful.

Let me know which of these you try and if you have any recommendations that I missed! I love learning and remembering new ways to create comfort and coziness at home.

Caring for Yourself First

As I work toward better care of myself and tending to my own needs before tending to others I am learning so much about what I like and what pleases me. A big challenge for me is giving away that which I want most to others. If it’s a party or a gift or even a small treat, I refuse to take it for myself. I do however hold on to it and save it for someone else. I could justify the expense or the investment if it was for someone else – but never for me. 

As I do more deep dive self-work I am finding how that cycle has continued to hurt me throughout my life. It has worn me down and worn down that still small inner voice I have that calls to me to tell me what I need, what I value, what I want. And over time and after repeated years of giving that which my heart longs for most to others that inner voice has grown steadily more quiet. However, one of the great healings of this work has been the generosity of giving myself that which I want. And by giving small gifts, little indulgences here and there – maybe it’s a cookie after mediation or some quiet time out in the yard by myself – my inner voice is getting stronger, louder, and it is guiding me to exactly where I want to be and what I want to be doing. 

For years I have kept this monogramed lumbar pillow on my etsy wishlist. It is expensive and luxurious and really, it’s a decorative pillow, it serves no useful purpose. But to me it looks lovely. I think it is beautiful and elegant. Tasteful and classic, it just seemed like something I would like to have, for whatever reason. For years I have looked at this pillow and thought – in a nicer house, in someone else’s room, perhaps the next wedding invitation I will send it to someone else. And instead, today I bought it. I pulled the trigger and ordered that pillow. And I am excited for it to come. I am eager to see how it looks on my bed. I have wanted this pillow for years and instead of punishing myself for one more day by looking at it and thinking it’s beautiful but too beautiful for me, I thought I love it and I want it and now it’s mine. 

I will be one of those elegant southern ladies with a monogrammed pillow sham. I will be the owner of something classic, tasteful and refined. And deep in my heart there is this sweet singing. A gentle hum that tells me I am doing the right thing and I am nourishing something deep inside me. A need that has longed to be filled and is finally getting what it wants from me – the only person who can give me exactly what I want and need. And that is the beauty of this learning, it is the realization that I don’t have to wait for someone else to guess or get it just right on a whim. 

When I listen to my inner voice I know, deep down I know, what I want and need and I don’t need anyone else’s permission or approval to give myself those things. I can give those things to myself, be they small or large, and they will fill me up. I will satiate a deep thirst and when my cup is full to overflowing there is enough to share with others. When I feel ready I can give to other people – I do not need to steal the bread from my own mouth to give to someone else first. 

I cannot pour from an empty cup and so when I have enough then I have more than enough to give. But taking what I want and giving it to others keeps me rooted in resentment because I am giving more than I have. I am giving beyond my own boundaries and my own comfort level and that is not a gift given willingly. That is a gift given with strings attached. And I don’t want to give with strings attached any longer. I want to give from the fullness of my abundance. I want to share because I want to and I am so full, my joy so rich and large that giving or sharing with someone else will not deplete my resources. And I want to surround myself with friends who appreciate, respect, and value the reciprocity of these gifts. People who realize what it takes to share and want to share not only their gifts with me but also accept with an open heart those gifts I have available to share freely and do not want or expect that I should give to them what I have not yet offered myself and satiated my own need for first. It is that awareness, that honesty, and mutual appreciation that feeds us both that draws to us those who wish to share not to take and those that wish to give as much as they receive. And that is the zenith of this work – to love myself so dearly and deeply that I only draw towards me those that can and want to do the same. 

How do you care deeply for yourself? How do you find your circle of friends and build reciprocal relationships? Who is your best reciprocal friend?

Patient Progress: One Bite of the Bear at a Time

This week the progress on our new home has shifted into slow-mo. It feels like every moment I am working and when I am not working I am preparing food. Meal planning, ordering, and preparation while a necessary task is also an obligation that requires time and attention and energy that feels as if it could be better spent unpacking and organizing. With extra hands here we had the support necessary to accomplish several tasks at once. The speed at which we could work was accelerated and now that we are just two adult hands on deck, and both of us working full time, it feels like we are constantly being pulled in opposite directions. If we are eating, our children want to play. If we are working, they want to be with us. If we are attempting to organize or unpack a box, they are at the opposite end of the house unpacking whatever cabinets we have just organized.

It is incredibly frustrating and it feels like everyone wants a piece of my time, of my energy, of my day. I am trying to stay grounded, to focus on one task at a time but that is difficult when I hear a crash in the other room or the raised voices of children in conflict because their parents are otherwise engaged. 

Crock pot meals rise to the top of my list and the thought of potentially hiring a nanny. These are tempting thoughts that would make things easier in our household. I’m also working on taking one bite of the bear at a time. I am trying to order one necessary item or one easily solvable problem to address each day. Unpack a box of towels at lunch – this is quickly done and it is one more box done. On the weekends the goal has been one room a day but that progress has slowed significantly as I no longer have our nanny here to distract our children, run interference, or do the heavy lifting that requires a quick solution that I am too overwhelmed to find myself. 

I am grateful for the help we have had over the past couple weeks. I am grateful for the support and am realizing now how necessary and valuable that added pair of hands is when they are competent, deft, and eager to assist. That level of intervention is not only necessary but appreciated. My goals may have shifted from the completion of an entire room down to a single box or drawer but I am getting there. Progress is being made. And while the larger projects like power washing the porches and walk ways, building the cabinet that holds all of our guest blankets and towels, purchasing furniture to fill all of the empty spaces in our home will have to wait. In this moment and at this time I am taking baby steps. I am moving forward slowly but surely. 

The big shifts will come eventually. Right now the goal is just to keep moving forward. To rest when we need it, to relax and hold space for ourselves. To recognize and appreciate that progress comes in small steps and as we downsize a box here and a bin there we are still creating space in our home for the right things to find us. We are crafting the life we want in our dream home and that takes patience and time. It takes constant and gentle progress to move ahead. We cannot always move in leaps and bounds. Some days we must plod and some days we must sit still, but we continue to move forward. We continue to find our way toward our shared goals. We will make it. This too shall pass. Everything arrives at its appointed time, my only duty is to enjoy the ride, to savor the sweet and wonderful moments, to make progress where I can but also to trust the process. It is working, just as I continue to work. We each have a job to do and we will get there at the exact right time. It just takes faith, trust, and patience and I can practice each of those. 

How do you take time to rest and recover? How do you show patience and kindness to yourself as you work towards a larger goal?

Give to Yourself First

We give so much of ourselves to the world – our families, friends, work, and extracurriculars. All of the obligations and opportunities we engage in demand our time, attention, and commitment. As we work to give the best of our capabilities and ourselves to these worthy projects and duties it is important to remember to give the best of yourself to yourself. 

In the trials of daily life – that may actually be trials, challenges and difficulties but may also be routines, opportunities, and responsibilities – we have the opportunity to give away all that we have to others and the world. Or we have the choice to intentionally nourish ourselves so that these regular or typical events do not drain us and leave us feeling winded or in need of a break.

When we rush to fulfill everyone else’s expectations first we can find ourself depleted and lacking energy because we have saved nothing for ourselves. However, when we serve ourselves first we create space and give ourselves room to be nurtured and supported. If we never stop for water we will die long before we finish the race. Like any trained marathoner we know that to pursue our goals, and show up in the world the way we want to, we have to feed ourselves and meet our needs first. This can include basic self-care like hydration or getting enough sleep. It can also look like taking a night off, giving yourself a weekend away, or a social media detox. 

Making time to care for yourself is not selfish, nor is it a luxury. Caring for yourself is your first responsibility – not to the world or your employer – but to yourself. The adage, you cannot pour from an empty cup, comes to mind. Or the idea that when you are spent you have nothing left to give. There is no sense in running yourself ragged. If you choose to overexert yourself you will be always operating on a deficit, which serves no one. In order to arrive each day excited and eager to engage with the world rather than exhausted and resentful we must take care of ourselves. I know this from experience and I suspect you do too. When we press ourselves beyond our abilities or function with less than what we need from others, ourselves, or without the basic nourishment and boundaries that keep us healthy, we are unhappy. We are short and frustrated and oftentimes we’re too tired to investigate why. 

Next time, instead of running yourself harder when you already feel tired, take a break. Get a sip of water and take some deep breaths. Give yourself the space and time you need to recalibrate and align yourself with your goals. Rather than running around in circles or showing up worse for the wear, take a break and stretch, focus on caring for yourself not because you wish to serve others but because you are worthy and deserving of love, care, and attention – all of those wonderful things you already give to the world.