Ann Davidman's Blog, page 5
July 13, 2022
Feeling Stuck? Discover 4 Ways to Re-Engage with the Parenthood Clarity Process
Are you having trouble making a decision about parenthood? Maybe you’re working through the book I co-authored, Motherhood — Is It For Me?, and feeling stalled…
If so, you’re not alone! Many people find themselves stuck in the decision-making process.
While each journey is different, you’re engaged in a deep process that will almost certainly transform your life.
And although we want clarity quickly, this is not a forced process or one of overthinking to get what you need…It’s a journey of gradual unfolding.
Your clarity is already there. It’s just buried within you, usually underneath layers of conflicting ideas, opinions, projections from others, judgments from society, family, and more.
Trusting your process — your individual process — is key to the unfolding...
I can tell you from decades of experience that you can’t do it wrong!
And, if you’re feeling stuck, that’s not wrong, either.
If you’re working through the exercises in Motherhood — Is It For Me?, take a deep breath, and try these simple tips to jump back in with renewed energy.
(If you don’t have the book, you can grab it here.)
1. Skip an exercise.No matter the reason you’re stuck, just move on. It’s perfectly fine to skip an exercise or the writing prompt, especially if it’s causing you to feel stuck.
Move ahead to the next exercise or assignment. You can always return later to the exercise that stopped you in your tracks. Letting go of it and moving on will serve you better than staying stuck and trying to think your way out of it — or worse, being mad at yourself for not completing it.
2. Pick up the book at least twice a week.Becoming disconnected from the process is very easy if you only engage with Motherhood — Is It For Me? infrequently, for instance only weekly or bi-monthly.
Be sure to engage with the book one way or another at least twice a week. For example, you might spend time reading once a week, and dedicate another block of time to working through the exercises.
3. Listen to a guided visualization.Remember the book features access to 13 guided visualizations. My co-author Denise L. Carlini recorded them as they’re presented in the book.
Going back to chapter one and listening to the first guided imagery called "Creating Comfort Within" may be enough to help you get back to the process.
You can also try these free meditations:
Guided Imagery to Bring You Peace and Calm (from my resources page)
Creating a Safe Place to Discover What's True for YOU (from a recent blog post)
4. Consider engaging with my proven process in a whole new way in my Parenthood Clarity Courses.The next session of my Motherhood Clarity Course (and Fatherhood Clarity Course) will begin in September 2022 — and registration is open now!
In both courses, you’ll receive four months of my expert guidance inside your new supportive community as I guide you step-by-step through my proven method — using meditations, mentorship, and live teachings to uncover your inner truth and discover what’s right for you.
Explore all the details of what I’ll share during our time together and register to join us now!
July 12, 2022
Feeling Stuck? Discover 4 Ways to Re-Engage with the Parenthood Clarity Process
Are you having trouble making a decision about parenthood? Maybe you’re working through the book I co-authored, Motherhood — Is It For Me?, and feeling stalled…
If so, you’re not alone! Many people find themselves stuck in the decision-making process.
While each journey is different, you’re engaged in a deep process that will almost certainly transform your life.
And although we want clarity quickly, this is not a forced process or one of overthinking to get what you need…It’s a journey of gradual unfolding.
Your clarity is already there. It’s just buried within you, usually underneath layers of conflicting ideas, opinions, projections from others, judgments from society, family, and more.
Trusting your process — your individual process — is key to the unfolding...
I can tell you from decades of experience that you can’t do it wrong!
And, if you’re feeling stuck, that’s not wrong, either.
If you’re working through the exercises in Motherhood — Is It For Me?, take a deep breath, and try these simple tips to jump back in with renewed energy.
(If you don’t have the book, you can grab it here.)
1. Skip an exercise.
No matter the reason you’re stuck, just move on. It’s perfectly fine to skip an exercise or the writing prompt, especially if it’s causing you to feel stuck.
Move ahead to the next exercise or assignment. You can always return later to the exercise that stopped you in your tracks. Letting go of it and moving on will serve you better than staying stuck and trying to think your way out of it — or worse, being mad at yourself for not completing it.
2. Pick up the book at least twice a week.
Becoming disconnected from the process is very easy if you only engage with Motherhood — Is It For Me? infrequently, for instance only weekly or bi-monthly.
Be sure to engage with the book one way or another at least twice a week. For example, you might spend time reading once a week, and dedicate another block of time to working through the exercises.
3. Listen to a guided visualization.
Remember the book features access to 13 guided visualizations. My co-author Denise L. Carlini recorded them as they’re presented in the book.
Going back to chapter one and listening to the first guided imagery called "Creating Comfort Within" may be enough to help you get back to the process.
You can also try these free meditations:
Guided Imagery to Bring You Peace and Calm (from my resources page)
Creating a Safe Place to Discover What's True for YOU (from a recent blog post)
4. Consider engaging with my proven process in a whole new way in my Parenthood Clarity Courses.
The next session of my Motherhood Clarity Course (and Fatherhood Clarity Course) will begin in
January 2023 — and early registration is open now!
In both courses, you’ll receive four months of my expert guidance inside your new supportive community as I guide you step-by-step through my proven method — using meditations, mentorship, and live teachings to uncover your inner truth and discover what’s right for you.
Explore all the details of what I’ll share during our time together and register to join us now!
June 28, 2022
3 (Surprising) Reasons Making a Decision About Parenthood Feels so Difficult
Do you want be a mom or dad?
Do you want to live a child-free life?
Can you picture yourself on either path? Do you know what’s true for you?
If you’re feeling unsure, you’re not alone! In my 30 years of teaching and mentoring people through my parenthood clarity process, I’ve noticed the patterns — common reasons people feel stuck when trying to decide whether parenthood is right for them...
Today I’m sharing a few you might not expect.
1. You're trying to make a decision about two separate things at once — what you want AND what you're going to do about it.
It might seem natural to consider both prongs of this decision at the same time, but they actually require two separate mental processes. Trying to consider them both at one time creates mental gridlock that’s hard to think your way out of.
The more you mull it over, weighing the pros and cons, the more broken you're going to feel.
Let me assure you, you’re not broken. After decades of experience, I can share this secret with you — the most efficient way out of the mental gridlock is to put the decision to the side. (Counterintuitive, right? But it works!)
You have to put the decision on the sidelines so you can do a deep dive and understand the why behind what you really want — so you're not just reacting to what you think you're supposed to want.
You deserve to know what your heart desires and understand it from the inside out. When you understand what you truly want, you can stand tall and firm in what you want and why.
(This process typically requires 3-4 months of focused time spent unearthing what your desire truly is.)
2. We live in a pro-natalist society.
Don’t be fooled. It may feel like our modern culture gives you the space to decide on parenthood for yourself. Unfortunately, it's just not true.
Our culture screams its conclusion loud and clear — you “should” want children and you “should” have children.
Even if you're raised in a home without pressure or expectations around the issue of parenthood, you still can't avoid the messaging in society — it’s in the air.
Of course, this larger culture messaging is a complete myth. Parenthood is an option, an incredibly personal choice you get to make for yourself. Only you know what your truth is.
3. You need NEW information to help make this decision — from this unexpected source.
Do you ever find yourself thinking, “I already have all the information I need to decide about parenthood. There are no new ‘facts’ to uncover — I’m just rehashing the same old considerations and fears. And I’m stuck.”
The “same old stuff” you’re rehashing while trying to figure out what you want is likely coming from your external influences. These influences are woven so intricately into the fabric of your life that they’re almost imperceptible. They’re different for everyone, but often include finances, health, age, relationships, support network, fears, and more.
To gain clarity, you must place these external influences in a tightly lidded jar so you can focus on your internal world.
Ironically, what YOU truly desire on your deepest levels is likely the new information you need to make a decision. It comes from within, but it’s been buried under the subconscious messaging in your mind for so long that you’re not even aware of it..
Finally getting clear on what you want and why will absolutely feel like new information. Because it will be!
Parenting Clarity Courses — Registration Opening Soon
If you’re feeling hopelessly stuck when it comes to deciding whether to become a parent, I’m here to help.
The next session of my Motherhood Clarity Course (and Fatherhood Clarity Course) will be happening this September 2022…
You can register to join us starting this Friday, July 1, 2022.
In both courses, you’ll receive four months of my expert guidance inside your new supportive community — as I guide you step-by-step through this proven method to uncover your inner truth.
You’ll deepen this transformative work through meditations, mentorship, and live teachings to discover what’s right for you.
June 15, 2022
Guided Meditation: Creating a Safe Place to Discover What's True for YOU
As you think deeply about whether to become a parent, it can be hard to figure out what you actually want — especially when there are so many voices telling you what you should want.
After decades spent teaching, coaching, and counseling those who aren’t sure whether parenthood is for them…
I’ve found that many people don’t realize that it’s actually their birthright to know what’s true for them. They deserve clarity!
You, too, deserve to feel completely clear on what you want most for your life — and it’s not your fault you don’t know right now.
l invite you to pause for a moment.
Listen in as I guide you to create a little internal spaciousness — the very first step on your journey to discovering what you truly want…
Click here to get the Guided Meditation as a transcript.
Meditation is a powerful tool to explore and come to understand your feelings about making a decision about parenthood (or any decision!). You have the power to create your own safe place where your uncensored, private process to discover what's true can unfold…
No matter how many years you've spent feeling stuck, how complicated your life feels right now, or how dysfunctional your childhood was — you can cultivate the clarity you desire and deserve.
There's no correct answer. There's only your answer.
I hope you can take some time to create space for yourself, turn off your phone and notifications, and surround yourself with items that make you feel grounded and joyful as you listen into this short guided meditation. You can refer back to it as often as you need as you nurture the connection with your own inner guidance. Listen in here.
Sign up for my Online Group Motherhood Clarity Course or Online Group Fatherhood Clarity Course to find the calm necessary to make this important decision!
June 14, 2022
Guided Meditation: Creating a Safe Place to Discover What's True for YOU
As you think deeply about whether to become a parent, it can be hard to figure out what you actually want — especially when there are so many voices telling you what you should want.
After decades spent teaching, coaching, and counseling those who aren’t sure whether parenthood is for them…
I’ve found that many people don’t realize that it’s actually their birthright to know what’s true for them. They deserve clarity!
You, too, deserve to feel completely clear on what you want most for your life — and it’s not your fault you don’t know right now.
l invite you to pause for a moment.
Listen in as I guide you to create a little internal spaciousness — the very first step on your journey to discovering what you truly want…
Listen to the Guided Meditation here.
Meditation is a powerful tool to explore and come to understand your feelings about making a decision about parenthood (or any decision!). You have the power to create your own safe place where your uncensored, private process to discover what's true can unfold…
No matter how many years you've spent feeling stuck, how complicated your life feels right now, or how dysfunctional your childhood was — you can cultivate the clarity you desire and deserve.
There's no correct answer. There's only your answer.
I hope you can take some time to create space for yourself, turn off your phone and notifications, and surround yourself with items that make you feel grounded and joyful as you listen into this short guided meditation. You can refer back to it as often as you need as you nurture the connection with your own inner guidance. Listen above.
Click here to get the Guided Meditation as a transcript
April 27, 2021
Ann Shares Her Advice to Vox About the Complex Decision of Parenthood
For 30 years, I’ve led the undecided through a structured and ordered process where they gain the clarity they’re seeking. The cost of not deciding can be emotionally excruciating, with plans put on hold, which can have financial implications especially for women who hesitate to move forward in their careers “just in case” they want children. But there are ways to get unstuck and move forward.
April 25, 2021
August 19, 2020
Ann Helps One Woman Figure Out Her Parenthood Wish in Inews.co.uk Article
The pandemic left this British-Ghanaian travel writer with a lot of time to “dwell on the things I’ve been putting off, like my personal stance on becoming a mother.”
So, at 34, she decided to contact me to help her figure out whether or not she wanted to be a mom.
Read about her journey below.
The motherhood question:
how at 34 I’m working out if I really want a child
By Stephanie Takyi
Since my early twenties, the question of motherhood and whether it’s for me is one I haven’t fully considered. Like most of the big decisions in my life, I’ve avoided tackling it by shoving it to the bottom of my to-do list.
I’ve just turned 34, which, according to some fertility experts, means I supposedly have only one year until my biological clock starts plummeting into an oblivion of dwindling eggs and eventually menopause.
My school education didn’t really prepare girls for one of the biggest, life-defining decisions they’ll make as a woman. Instead, we were taught how to avoid becoming pregnant, which I have to admit is a refreshing change from the days when women were taught our sole purpose was to be a housewife.
However, we’re still continually being sold the millennial dream of women being able to have it all – a successful career, marriage and kids – but the reality has left me feeling disillusioned. My knight in shining armour has come in the form of endless Tinder and Hinge dates, who are mostly not ready for commitment, or say they are, but then leave me on read or just vanish. Then the price of London living is hefty – especially when you’re doing it on your own, and don’t have the high-flying salary to match.
Culturally, I feel like a British-Ghanaian spinster, as back in Ghana a woman is really expected to be married with kids by the age of 25 – a complete juxtaposition from my life here. Despite all of my glittering achievements, my dear sweet grandmother’s favourite topic to discuss with me on the phone is “when are you going to have a baby?” This is what she views as the real fulfillment of womanhood – especially as she has had 12 children.
All this and more has left me riddled with anxiety about how I can even contemplate becoming a mother in this climate, and it seems I’m not the only one who feels this way. Figures from the Office for National Statistics show women under 30 are having babies at a record low and the only age group in which births are increasing is the over-40s.
For those without children like myself, these findings give some assurance that I’m not the only one still trying to decide on parenthood. But within my own personal circle, gradually more friends are hopping off the young, free and single bus and switching to married with kids and a mortgage.
Seeing some of my die-hard party compadres transform into doting mothers has been a joy to watch, and has left me playing the role of the cool auntie travelling all over the globe. However, my life has changed since the Covid-19 pandemic. I can no longer jet from country to country or distract myself with endless schmoozing at London’s finest soirées. I’ve been homebound and will remain so for a while, which leaves me with the time to dwell on the things I’ve been putting off, like my personal stance on becoming a mother. Having this opportunity to explore this has led me to looking into options that could potentially buy me more time, or just less mental stress. (Click to continue reading.)
August 10, 2020
Ann Helps One Woman Figure Out Her Parenthood Wish in Inews.co.uk Article
The pandemic left this British-Ghanaian travel writer with a lot of time to “dwell on the things I’ve been putting off, like my personal stance on becoming a mother.”
So, at 34, she decided to contact me to help her figure out whether or not she wanted to be a mom.
Read about her journey below.
The motherhood question: how at 34 I’m working out if I really want a child
By Stephanie Takyi
Since my early twenties, the question of motherhood and whether it’s for me is one I haven’t fully considered. Like most of the big decisions in my life, I’ve avoided tackling it by shoving it to the bottom of my to-do list.
I’ve just turned 34, which, according to some fertility experts, means I supposedly have only one year until my biological clock starts plummeting into an oblivion of dwindling eggs and eventually menopause.
My school education didn’t really prepare girls for one of the biggest, life-defining decisions they’ll make as a woman. Instead, we were taught how to avoid becoming pregnant, which I have to admit is a refreshing change from the days when women were taught our sole purpose was to be a housewife.
However, we’re still continually being sold the millennial dream of women being able to have it all – a successful career, marriage and kids – but the reality has left me feeling disillusioned. My knight in shining armour has come in the form of endless Tinder and Hinge dates, who are mostly not ready for commitment, or say they are, but then leave me on read or just vanish. Then the price of London living is hefty – especially when you’re doing it on your own, and don’t have the high-flying salary to match.
Culturally, I feel like a British-Ghanaian spinster, as back in Ghana a woman is really expected to be married with kids by the age of 25 – a complete juxtaposition from my life here. Despite all of my glittering achievements, my dear sweet grandmother’s favourite topic to discuss with me on the phone is “when are you going to have a baby?” This is what she views as the real fulfillment of womanhood – especially as she has had 12 children.
All this and more has left me riddled with anxiety about how I can even contemplate becoming a mother in this climate, and it seems I’m not the only one who feels this way. Figures from the Office for National Statistics show women under 30 are having babies at a record low and the only age group in which births are increasing is the over-40s.
For those without children like myself, these findings give some assurance that I’m not the only one still trying to decide on parenthood. But within my own personal circle, gradually more friends are hopping off the young, free and single bus and switching to married with kids and a mortgage.
Seeing some of my die-hard party compadres transform into doting mothers has been a joy to watch, and has left me playing the role of the cool auntie travelling all over the globe. However, my life has changed since the Covid-19 pandemic. I can no longer jet from country to country or distract myself with endless schmoozing at London’s finest soirées. I’ve been homebound and will remain so for a while, which leaves me with the time to dwell on the things I’ve been putting off, like my personal stance on becoming a mother. Having this opportunity to explore this has led me to looking into options that could potentially buy me more time, or just less mental stress. (Click to continue reading.)
Want help figuring out your desire so you can make a decision?
Learn More
May 18, 2020
Stuck in "Motherhood" Book? Get Un-Stuck!
Photo by Hanan Hashi on Unsplash
If you’ve picked this time during the pandemic of COVID-19 to read Motherhood-Is It For Me? Your Step-by-Step Guide to Clarity, you might find that you’re struggling to get through it.
When I hear from people that have been working through the book for a year, my heart cries a bit. The book is designed to take you through the clarity process in a few months. Co-author Denise L. Carlini and I did not design this process to linger on. Taking longer than six months to get through the book can make it more difficult and more likely to increase unnecessary anxiety.
If you’ve stalled, I’d like to help you get un-stalled with these suggestions:
1. Give yourself a break.Do not underestimate the sluggishness you may feel due to the novel coronavirus. We are all on the same learning curve at the same time. The combination of the learning curve of shelter in place (if you have that), coming out of shelter in place, wearing masks, creating new routines, etc. and the back log of grief that this present-time pandemic is pushing forward will create havoc on a good day.
2. Skip an exercise.No matter the reason you’re stuck, move on. It’s fine to skip the exercise or the writing prompt. Go on to the next exercise or assignment. You can come back later to the exercise that stopped you in your tracks. Letting go of it and moving on will serve you better than staying stuck and trying to think your way out of it, or worse, being mad at yourself for not being able to complete it.
3. Pick up the book at least twice a week.It’s very easy to get disconnected from the process if you engage with Motherhood-Is It For Me? only weekly or bi-monthly. You may need to stay engaged more often, especially during these times when the world has suddenly changed and you’re on a learning curve of navigating your life and your feelings. I would engage with the book one way or another at least twice a week. One time a week can be for reading and another time during the same week can be for writing.
4. Listen to a guided visualization.Don’t forget that thirteen guided visualizations are available for you to listen to for free. Co-author Denise L. Carlini recorded them as they are presented in the book. Going back to chapter one and listening to the first guided imagery called "Creating Comfort Within" may be enough to help you get back to the process.
A short, guided meditation on my Resources page, "Guided Imagery to Bring You Peace and Calm," may help you get back on track. Listen to it as often as you need.
And men, don’t forget: You can read the book as well. You’ll need to change some of the pronouns but the course that I take men through is the same core program.
© 2020 Ann Davidman
On sale through July 2020 for $3.99
"There is no agenda in the book. It is very personal to the reader and it is about the reader's own process. As you read it, it creates some space in a very crowded world of judgements, time pressures, expectations and all the other things that make it hard to think and feel clearly in relation to fertility."
~ Journal of Fertility Counseling, British Infertility Counselling Association
Learn more
