Ann Davidman's Blog, page 10

Champion of Women's Choices Reviews "Motherhood" Book

Discovering and connecting with Maryanne Pope is one of those wonderful kismet things that can happen on the Internet -- I discovered Maryanne on Twitter through her fascinating documentary, Whatever Floats Your Boat…Perspectives on Motherhood, about a group of women floating on a houseboat for a weekend discussing whether or not they wanted to become mothers. Maryanne has also written the book A Widow's Awakening about the first year of her grief after the loss of her husband.

Parts of Maryanne's story mirrors my own -- she became a widow before having the children that she thought she'd have with her husband. She struggled whether to continue to try to have her own children. After deciding no, she has continued to blog about the motherhood choices and struggles facing women, and she is a wonderful champion of all women, regardless of what choice they make.

I am honored by the review she provided for Motherhood - Is It For Me?, and I am very glad to have connected with this powerful speaker and writer.

You can read an excerpt of the review below:

“When you isolate your desire first, and then weigh it carefully against your personal circumstances, it’s easier to make your decision.” 

– Ann Davidman and Denise L. Carlini

A Must-Read Resource When Making the Motherhood Decision…or ANY Major Decision for that Matter

"For many women, the motherhood decision is a given. For some, the decision not to have children is just as clear. But for many of women – myself included – the motherhood decision is not so cut and dry.

In fact, I spent two decades struggling over whether or not I wanted to become a mom. In the end, life – and my choices – pretty much chose for me.

And as glad as I am that I ended up not taking the path of raising a child/ren, I could have saved myself an awful lot of time and energy…that was spent thinking about the decision, if the brilliant book, Motherhood: Is It For Me? Your Step by Step Guide to Clarity, had existed to help me work through the process of making a decision..." (Click to continue reading.)

"I am the definer of me."

The Mantra: Conclusion

The Mantra©, which is from our book Motherhood - Is It For Me? Your Step-by-Step Guide to Clarity, is a series of validating statements that you can repeat to yourself when you're anxious about your motherhood indecision. Our hope is that The Mantra will help calm and center you while you're figuring things out.

I introduced The Mantra several weeks ago, and discussed the lines "It’s okay that I don’t know," and "I have had clarity before about many things," in my last blog. 

Today, we'll look at the concluding four lines of the Mantra, lines designed to help you feel confident that -- with a little exploration -- you will find the answers within you. 

The Mantra

I don’t know.
I don’t know why I don’t know.
It’s not my fault that I don’t know.
It’s okay that I don’t know.
I have had clarity before about many things.
My true desire matters and no one can know it better than I.
I am the definer of me.
The answers will come because they never left.
Only I can know what’s true for me... It’s all within me.

(Excerpt from "Motherhood - Is It For Me? Your Step-by-Step Guide to Clarity" by Denise L. Carlini and Ann Davidman)

My true desire matters, and no one can know it better than I.

This truth is very important to embrace. Society, family, and friends all want to tell you how to think and feel, particularly when it comes to this decision. Women are bombarded with judgmental messages regarding motherhood:

“Of course you should have a child; it’s the most rewarding thing."“How selfish of you if you don’t [or do] have a child.”“You don’t have what it takes to have a child.”

The endless comments actually reveal more about the people speaking them than they do about you. You cannot look to anyone to tell you what is best for you.

We’re confident that as you do the exercises in these pages, the assurance My true desire matters, and no one can know it better than I will take on new meaning and become more and more accurate. 

I am the definer of me.

You must own this! You know you better than anyone else.

If you grew up in a dysfunctional environment with the message that you shouldn’t or couldn’t trust your thoughts or feelings, it might be difficult to know and accept the message I am the definer of me. When you are either taught intentionally or inadvertently (without malice) to focus on the needs of others instead of your own, it’s easy to merge where you end and another begins. Personal boundaries become blurry. How can you possibly know that you’re the definer of you without feeling a clear connection to exactly who you are?

If you work this program in the way it is presented, you’ll be able to fully embrace the truth of I am the definer of me. 

The answers will come because they never left. 

This statement confirms why this program is not a strategy for thinking your way through to an answer that does not currently exist. It’s not about your career, your bank account, your partner, or what you might lack. You know internally what you desire; however, you don’t have access to it because layers of hurt, ambivalence, and confusion are sitting on top of it.

Only I can know what’s true for me... It’s all within me. 

It’s time to look inward. This is why we ask you to stop making pros-and-cons lists and to put aside the external details of your life as you’re working through the twelve weeks. This is why we recommend not sharing your process with others until you complete the program. The depth of anxiety many women feel about not knowing is in part due to focusing on external circumstances and influences, most of which are out of their control. Everything you need to access your truth can be found right inside you. 

Copyright © 2016 by Denise L. Carlini and Ann Davidman

Want to learn more about each step of The Mantra and how to put them to use?

Learn More

Ann Shares Her Personal Story

I was honored to be part of Maryanne Pope's "Mothering Matters 2017" series, a series of blogs that looked at women who'd made a variety of decisions about become mothers and how those decisions affected their lives. I discovered Maryanne on Twitter through her fascinating documentary, Whatever Floats Your Boat…Perspectives on Motherhood, about a group of women floating on a houseboat for a weekend discussing whether or not they wanted to become mothers. It has been a joy becoming friends wit...

"Motherhood" Review from British Infertility Counselling Association

Journal of Fertility Counselling - Spring 2017, British Infertility Counselling Association.

I was thrilled recently by the review of Motherhood - Is It For Me? Your Step-by-Step Guide to Clarity in the spring edition of the British Infertility Counselling Association's journal. It was fascinating to get the viewpoint of someone who is also in the counseling profession. I really loved this statement:

"I have found myself using elements of the book in counselling sessions with clients. I hav...

"Motherhood" Publisher Discusses Book

We were thrilled when our publisher Christine Kloser, CEO of Transformation Books, decided to give a special shout-out to our book, Motherhood - Is it For Me? Your Step-by-Step Guide to Clarity. Christine has been a wonderful advocate of our efforts and we were very honored to be recognized. Hear what Christine had to say:

   

From TransformationBooks.com: Many women question whether they want a baby or a child-free life. Motherhood – Is It For Me? is the perfect resource for addressing this cr...

How Was Mother's Day?

Were you preoccupied on Mother’s Day because you were wondering if motherhood is for you? “Do you want to be a mom or don’t you?” seems like a simple enough question until it isn't.

If you were preoccupied, you were not alone. Women who feel ambivalent about becoming mothers are an invisible population, as many women who are stuck in indecision don’t speak up about it. The worst part of not knowing is when it results in an isolating, lonely struggle.

When all you want to do is make a conscious...

Interview with Childfree Advocate The Rinky-Dink Life

I was thrilled last week to be interviewed for childfree advocate Brittany's article "How to Stop Fearing Regret and Find Clarity" on her blog, The Rinky-Dink Life. Brittany is a married 20-something living in Southern New Jersey who's decided not to have children. She is an intelligent and thoughtful writer with a great mission: 

"My greatest goal of The Rinky-DINK Life, and the sole purpose of its creation, is to break free of the stereotypes surrounding the childless."

Check out our intervie...

"I have had clarity before about many things."

The Mantra: Part 3

The Mantra©, which is from our book Motherhood - Is It For Me? Your Step-by-Step Guide to Clarity, is a series of validating statements that you can repeat to yourself when you're anxious about your motherhood indecision. Our hope is that The Mantra will help calm and center you while you're figuring things out.

I introduced The Mantra several weeks ago, and discussed the lines "I don't know why I don't know," and "It's not my fault that I don't know," in my last blog. 

Toda...

"I don't know why I don't know"

The Mantra: Part 2

Two weeks ago, I introduced The Mantra©, which is from our book Motherhood - Is It For Me? Your Step-by-Step Guide to Clarity. The Mantra is a series of validating statements that you can repeat to yourself when you're anxious about your motherhood indecision. Our hope is that The Mantra will help calm and center you while you're figuring things out.

Last time, I focused on the first line of the mantra: "I don't know." Today, we'll look at the next two lines: "I don't know...

The Mantra

(Excerpt from Motherhood - Is It For Me? Your Step-by-Step Guide to Clarity by Denise L. Carlini and Ann Davidman) 

During Week 2 of Motherhood - Is It For Me? Your Step-by-Step Guide to Clarity, your conscious journey begins in earnest. You’re on the road to discovering your truth. We’ll be your guides and introduce you to The Mantra©, a tool we hope will provide you with immediate relief and continued support on your journey in the weeks to come. This big project of figuring out what you w...