Jane Jago's Blog, page 50
July 19, 2024
Dying to be Roman II
Dying to be Roman by Jane Jago and E.M. Swift-Hook is a whodunit set in an alternative modern day Britain where the Roman Empire still rules.
Action replay.
Same arena.
Twenty four hours later.
This time, though, there were two bodies.
One was another British contestant, Tam Docca ‘Fly Boy’, from the Valentia Game team, but it was the second corpse lying as if awaiting funeral rites that had Dai’s fullest attention. Quintillas Publius Luca – son of a Roman Senator and a proper one at that, from ...
July 18, 2024
The Secret Life of ‘Nomes – Smoke
Though the biggers never see it, there is much going on in their own backyard where the ‘nomes make their home…
The veggible garden had fallen silent, and the more optimistic nomes thought the poteen incident might be dying a natural death. Brenda and Granny were less sanguine, and when the moles reported seeing flames and smelling smoke they felt certain some catastrophe was in the immediate offing.
It was coming towards sundown when Brenda felt earth movement through her feet.
“Heads down nom...
July 17, 2024
How To Speak Typo – Lesson 37
A dictionary for the bemused by Jane Jago…
ahs sing (noun) – extremely melodious fart
amradidlo (noun) – country song about onanism
bargrh (noun) – posh barbecue food
fbelievableront (adjective) – of dragons and the like having quirks of personality that make them readable
fraft (noun) – sliced cheese of dubious origins, having a strange odour and an oddly mottled appearance
griness (adjective) – of bread being flabby and of a strange colour
jumipr (noun) – woollen garment ...
July 16, 2024
Drabblings – Old Bear
Telling an entire story in just one hundred words…
She knew it made good sense. Great-aunt Tiffany had given an understanding smile and patted her hands, folded like pinioned birds in her lap.
“It will keep the money in the family and it’s not like Cousin Richard is a monster or anything.”
Not a monster.
No.
Kind, but thirty years older than her and smelling of foot powder and stale pipe tobacco.
At the altar, he took her hand.
“You alright, m’dear? We can call it all off. ...
July 15, 2024
Moonbeam Farquhar Metheringham IV Advises on the Passive Voice
Moonbeam Farquhar Metheringham IV takes time from his immensely important life to proffer profound advice to those who still struggle on the aspirational slopes of authorhood…
Bonjour mes petites!
I am your practical pedagogue in the arcane art of literary logistics, Moonbeam Farquhar Metheringham IV, Ivy to my friends and much acclaimed author of the science fantasy masterpiece ‘Fatswhistle and Buchtooth’. Those necessary formalities having been removed, it behoves me to explain how the t...
July 14, 2024
The Dying Star
The sun it is melting
The internet cried
We see it is dying
With our crying eyes
They publish the pictures
They crumble and cry
Conspiracy theorists
All fooled by AI
July 13, 2024
The Easter Egg Hunt – XIX
Since Ben and Joss Beckett took over The Fair Maid and Falcon, they have had to deal with ghosts, gangsters and well-dodgy goings-on. Despite that they have their own family of twin daughters and dogs, and a fabulous ‘found family’ of friends.
I took a reviving belt just as Ben reached us. He sat beside me and wrapped a warm arm around me.
My companion looked at us in what appeared to be genuine distress.
“I’m sorry, Mrs Beckett, I should have been more tactful.”
“Than what?” Ben’s voice was dan...
July 12, 2024
Dying to be Roman I
Dying to be Roman by Jane Jago and E.M. Swift-Hook is a whodunit set in an alternative modern day Britain where the Roman Empire still rules.
I
Anno Diocletiani MDCCLXXVII Maius
“Notebook entry. Confirm date, Post Ides, Maius. Time, night watch, at two twenty three, and location Augusta Arena, Londinium, Britannia Maxima. Looks like the report of a murder was not wrong. He seems pretty deceased to me.”
Under the brilliant lights of the pitch, which turned night into day, the body would h...
July 11, 2024
The Secret Life of ‘Nomes – Beez
Though the biggers never see it, there is much going on in their own backyard where the ‘nomes make their home…
Big Brenda was asleep in the afternoon sun, when she felt a polite tap on the sole of her boot. Opening her eyes, she saw the honeysuckle fairy accompanied by a whole cloud of beez.
“What’s the trouble Honeysuckle?”
“It’s that Chiggers ma’am. Keeps trying to steal hunny.”
Brenda rubbed a hand over the stubble on her chin, making a dry scraping sound.
“All right. Tell the beez I’ll have ...
July 10, 2024
How To Speak Typo – Lesson 36
A dictionary for the bemused by Jane Jago…
ashsole (noun) – bottom of a clog
attentin (adjective ) – when used to describe standing indicates a slipshod attempt at uprightness. As in: the guard’s attentin stance was clearly indicative of a wish to be elsewhere
barve (verb) – to vomit at high velocity
befe (adjective) – muscular but not necessarily intelligent
barzillion (adjective) – of pubic hair having the appearance of having been cut with a knife and fork
chesee (adjecti...
