Jane Jago's Blog, page 49
July 29, 2024
Moonbeam Farquhar Metheringham IV Advises on Euphemism
Moonbeam Farquhar Metheringham IV takes time from his immensely important life to proffer profound advice to those who still struggle on the aspirational slopes of authorhood…
Good morrow bambini mea.
It is oneself, Moonbeam Farquhar Metheringham IV. Author, teacher, bon viveur, and all-round example to the uncultured youth that surrounds one’s sainted head. Famed for the classic example of science fiction excellence ‘Fatswhistle and Buchtooth’.
One is displeased aujourd’hui.
The climate...
July 28, 2024
Luck
They toss the coin and that decides
If you should live, or if you die
No matter who your family
Or whether good or bad you be
Your age to them is not a matter
Nor is how many lives they shatter
They flip the coin, won’t hesitate
Cold metal spins and lands your fate
July 27, 2024
The Easter Egg Hunt – XXI
Since Ben and Joss Beckett took over The Fair Maid and Falcon, they have had to deal with ghosts, gangsters and well dodgy goings-on. Despite that they have their own family of twin daughters and dogs, and a fabulous ‘found family’ of friends.
The next few days were horribly busy, and our workload was added to by a few journalistic hopefuls, and a considerable number of ghouls. We’d have had to close the pub if it wasn’t for what seemed to be an inexhaustible supply of men and boys with hard ...
July 26, 2024
Dying to be Roman III
Dying to be Roman by Jane Jago and E.M. Swift-Hook is a whodunit set in an alternative modern day Britain where the Roman Empire still rules.
Julia Lucia Maxilla stood up to her full four feet and eleven inches and stared at her co-investigator. She saw a tall, handsome man with black hair, pale skin and a square jawline. He glared down at her, and she was surprised by the blueness of his eyes. Her dogs came to lean against her, and this would have alerted her to the idea the man wasn’t preci...
July 25, 2024
The Secret Life of ‘Nomes – Capiche
Though the biggers never see it, there is much going on in their own backyard where the ‘nomes make their home…
A second of shocked quiet followed the destruction of Big Bigger’s greenhouse. Then the biggers ran from the house with wide eyes and open mouths, and three chastened nomes crawled out of the burning wreckage.
By the time they reached cover, Brenda was waiting for them.
She had discarded her knobkerrie, but her fists were sufficiently solid to hand out a painful and lasting lesson.
“Wh...
July 24, 2024
How To Speak Typo – Lesson 38
A dictionary for the bemused by Jane Jago…
acupe (noun) – very small brassiere
anumle (adjective) – of eggs being in that state when they may be edible or wholly rotten
bsaterd (noun) – unpleasant man with a motorcycle
dtoard (adjective) – half shaven
ehro (noun) – the sound a politician makes when trying to avoid a question
evrsion (noun) – not a tree book
forule (noun) – committee of four
gunad (noun) – single testicle hanging at a very strange angle
muther (noun)...
July 23, 2024
Drabblings – The Village Bus
Telling an entire story in just one hundred words…
The village bus used to run twice daily. Most days the bus was half-full. Then, to save money, it was made twice weekly – in one direction on Monday morning and back again on Thursday morning. Which was no good for anyone.
A year later they stopped it.
The Councillor gave me his vague political smile.
“We would reopen the bus service, but there is no demand. No one used it. If people wanted a bus service they’d have used it.”
Irr...
July 22, 2024
Moonbeam Farquhar Metheringham IV Advises on Point of View
Moonbeam Farquhar Metheringham IV takes time from his immensely important life to proffer profound advice to those who still struggle on the aspirational slopes of authorhood…
Buenos dias mis hijos,
It is one, Moonbeam Farquhar Metheringham IV, author, pedagogue, genius, and all-round good egg. Out of the kindness of my heart, and the largeness of my soul, and the sharpness of my intellect, I have elected to brighten your darkness, educate your ignorance, and lift your aspirations. By foll...
July 21, 2024
Blaze
He thought the flame of her amber hair
Burned for the love of he
He thought without him she’d not dare
She was what he allowed her to be
Her fire burned low and sullenly
So he thought himself her god
And on the day a blaze burst free
He merely thought her odd
July 20, 2024
The Easter Egg Hunt – XX
Since Ben and Joss Beckett took over The Fair Maid and Falcon, they have had to deal with ghosts, gangsters and well-dodgy goings-on. Despite that they have their own family of twin daughters and dogs, and a fabulous ‘found family’ of friends.
August ground towards an end. It was hot, dry and enervating, enlivened by the odd crack of dry thunder. And the pub was jumping from opening time until we closed the doors on the last nightly revellers.
Ben and I quietly discounted helpful advice about ...
