Jane Jago's Blog, page 48

The Secret Life of ‘Nomes – Aliens

Though the biggers never see it, there is much going on in their own backyard where the ‘nomes make their home…

Jenry chuckled a fat chuckle that went with his snowy beard and generous belly.
“Sup big man?”
“Them lot is looking for aliens. Again.”
“But they don’t see us?”
“They ain’t yet and we been here since before they crawled out of the fragging water.”
Jenry’s wife put aside her knitting. “Do we want them to notice us?”
“Well… I guess…”
“It’d be a lot of work, calling home planet and all that s...

How To Speak Typo – Lesson 40

A dictionary for the bemused by Jane Jago…

ahrd (noun) – inconvenient erection

down’t (adjective) – pale and needy as in children and rejected lovers

greay (adjective) – of civil servants, properly impassive

editititing (verb) – titting about when you should be editing

flookingorward (verb) – catching flatfish with a pole

garcen (noun) – french child with a speech impediment

goig (noun) – zit on the end of the nose

manged (adjective) – of old men looking like a dog with a...

Drabblings – Old Meadow

Telling an entire story in just one hundred words…

The sun rose over the meadow, painting the horizon in crimson and gold.

Leaning on the fence, Reuben watched, as he had every day for fifty years. He should have been overseeing his small flock, sold last year when there was no money left to keep them. He’d had to sell his handful of acres too.

With a roar heavy plant began tearing up his old meadow. A luxury development the sign said.

Sighing, Reuben headed home.

Thank goodness h...

Moonbeam Farquhar Metheringham IV Advises on Symbols

Moonbeam Farquhar Metheringham IV takes time from his immensely important life to proffer profound advice to those who still struggle on the aspirational slopes of authorhood…

Buenos Dias!

It is indeed I, Moonbeam Farquhar Metheringham IV, writer, agony aunt and astrologer to the famously credulous.  The renowned author of the speculative fiction classic ‘Fatswhistle and Buchtooth’.

One had been racking one’s cranium for a topic for this week’s tutorial (yes, even I sometimes find inspi...

Sunrise

A cloud behind the mountain
Greets the rising sun
Moon floats in the sky although
Day’s almost begun
Our eyes may see the mountain
As if it was brand new
But mother moon for a thousand years
Saw that selfsame view

©️jane jago 2024

The Easter Egg Hunt – XXII

Since Ben and Joss Beckett took over The Fair Maid and Falcon, they have had to deal with ghosts, gangsters and well dodgy goings-on. Despite that they have their own family of twin daughters and dogs, and a fabulous ‘found family’ of friends.

Morning arrived, and with it another bank of thunder clouds rolled ominously in from the west. The air was so charged with electricity that the twins’ hair stood out around their heads like primrose haloes.
“We looks like dandelions,” Ali remarked. “Why ...

Dying to be Roman IV

Dying to be Roman  by Jane Jago and E.M. Swift-Hook is a whodunit set in an alternative modern day Britain where the Roman Empire still rules.

The Tribune breezed into the room like a beak-nosed hurricane. She rather wished that she could see her new partner’s face when the formidable Decimus Lucius Didero lifted her in his brawny arms and kissed her on both cheeks. She wriggled and kicked and he put her down.
“Llewelyn,” he grunted, “you take care of my little foster sister.”
Dai looked as if h...

The Secret Life of ‘Nomes – Big Event

Though the biggers never see it, there is much going on in their own backyard where the ‘nomes make their home…

The gnomes were fascinated. They had no idea what the biggers would be about.
First they moved all the gnomes to the shrubbery. Putting planks of wood over the lawn, a crowd of strange biggers in heavy boots made a big house from flapping sheets.
Big Norma shook her head. “Got me beat”.
The strange house was furnished with chairs and flowers, before it filled with biggers of every sort...

How To Speak Typo – Lesson 39

A dictionary for the bemused by Jane Jago…

ahd (acronym) – absolutely horrible dandruff

bastrad (noun) – asshole whose parents have disowned him

brather (noun) – inconsequential conversation with male relative

cncetrating (verb form) – of jelly to set very firm

colun (noun) – printer’s symbol indicating the above is gobbledygook print as it stands

delive (noun) – technical term for murder

ebfore (noun) – very low tide

fdribblingrom (noun) – the mouth of a very drunk perso...

Drabblings – Bequeathed

Telling an entire story in just one hundred words…

It was his grandmother’s final wish, formalised in her will:

And to Mungo, I bequeath the contents of my safety deposit box, provided he keeps his word to me and marries within the year.

Mungo, the eldest son of a duke and in his thirties, hadn’t shown interest in marriage, although often seen with various celebrity women but now speculation mounted.

A year after his grandmother’s funeral, at a private ceremony, Mungo married his sec...