Douglas Cootey's Blog, page 9

You Can Choose to Not Be Depressed for the Holidays

I posted something on Facebook this past weekend that didn’t have the effect I wanted.

“My recent timeline is filled with baking cookies, reviewing children’s picture books, and now I’ve discovered I’m spending tonight & New Year’s Eve home alone reading a book. Something is terribly wrong with my life.

Do Fidget Spinners Cure ADHD?

By now, Fidget Spinners are collecting dust in bargain bins across America, marked down to $1.99 or 3 for $5. My local Walmart is selling them for $1 each! The fad hit America like a whirling tornado. In April and May, they were selling out faster than you could say “pet rock”. By June, dealers had palettes of them stacked to the ceiling. It was easy to see there’d be a glut. Now that they’re so cheap to get, are they worth it? The tl;dr answer is “Yes”, but you can be forgiven for cocking an eyebrow of doubt.

After all, most online ads for Fidget Spinners on Amazon.com read like this:

Figit Spinner Hand Toy for Relieving ADHD Anxiety Boredom! Helps Focussing! Stress Reducer. Cure Toenail Fungus!

OK, I added the fungus bit, but dang! These sound like miracle toys! It seems China was on the verge of obsoleting the psychiatric industry with these things, but aren’t these just spinning plastic toys? How does a rotating gizmo relieve symptoms of anything, especially boredom?Round and round it goes, and so what?

That was my attitude when my daughter first started bugging me to get one for her last Spring. Then she claimed that kids were using them for therapy at her day treatment school with the teacher’s permission, so I took another look at them. However, I wasn’t going to buy just any old spinner for my girl. Oh, no! Now that I was committed, I had to make sure her spinner was unique. What I bought was glow-in-the-dark orange and so amazingly cool that somebody at school stole it two weeks later. I replaced it, then bought some for myself so I could test them out.

Are All Fidget Spinners Created Equal?

The question on my mind over the summer was whether these doohickeys were of any use to somebody with ADHD. Amazon was filled with dozens of models of various quality and claims, but I seriously wondered if a turd made of gold was any less of a turd.

Let’s get the dumb ones out of the way first. The Light-Up Spinners, which seem cool, defeat the purpose of what Fidget Spinners are supposed to help with: Focus. The clear LED spinner I purchased strobed, so my epileptic daughter couldn’t use it. It was also so light that it took more effort to keep spinning than other models. $2.80 on Amazon. The Novelty Spinners may also catch your eye. They have designs inspired by many pop cultural icons from superheroes to dragons. I settled on a Golden Snitch. I liked how small and discreet it was. Despite the solid brass build, though, it had a lot of juddering with only two arms, one of which needed to be glued back on after a few spins. $4.51 on Amazon. I wouldn’t waste my time or money on either type of fidget spinner again.

The ߷ Standard Fidget Spinner has the most well known shape. They often work better than novelty spinners. Build quality differs from manufacturer to manufacturer, but generally, they spin for about a minute or two and have a nice heft. $4.80 on Amazon. However, I eventually settled on what I refer to as the Executive Fidget Spinner. I came across Spinetic at Salt Lake Comic Con. Spinetic makes the best fidget spinners on the market, in my opinion, hand tooled, made of metal, and priced around $30 and up. That seems like a lot of green if you bought your fidget spinner for a buck, but these spin like floating dreams. They feel good in the hand, have the best build quality, and give a strong gyroscope-like feel after you get them going. Spinetic’s plastic spinners are most affordable. I picked up a glow-in-the-dark four-armed spinner for $5 and fell in love with it. The four arms reduce juddering, providing a smooth, lengthy spin, and it’s small, so it can be spun discreetly.

Wait. You fell in love with a fidget spinner?!

OK, so it’s not like I take it out on dates. Let’s forget I ever mentioned that.

What good are fidget spinners?

The basic fidget spinner has three to four weighted blades centered around a spinning hub with ball bearings. Hold the device between your thumb and index finger, then use another finger or hand to give it a flick.

Oooooh, it spins. You can probably relate with my initial skepticism.

There is more to them than that, however. The spinning blades make a quiet, white noise while the weights keep the blades spinning continually, like a gyroscope. If you tilt the fidget spinner in your hand, you can feel the centrifugal force.

Poor spinners will have a lot of audible juttering and visual wobble as you turn your wrist while the blades spin. You can sometimes improve the spinning by popping out the middle plastic and dropping a bit of sewing machine oil into the bearings, but generally cheap spinners are cheap.

I tested my fidget spinners in the following areas:

Nervous Energy – On several occasions, I have found that spinning one of those gizmos helped me relax when I was feeling agitated. The most effective at night is the blinking LED monstrosity. Perhaps it has a hypnotic and calming effect. Regardless, the centrifugal force has a calming effect because I allow it to.

Focus – Sometimes when I am having a hard time formulating a blog, article, or chapter, I like to shut the lights off, turn off the music, and just think without distraction. Last summer at church, I was struggling with a Priesthood lesson that I was about to give to a class. I had all the lesson elements gathered, but the lesson itself lacked focus and unity. It’s a [classic ADHD issue][adhd]. I went into the empty gym, paced in the dark, and on a whim, spun the fidget spinner. That stupid, glowing piece of whirling plastic helped me focus where pacing alone hadn’t succeeded. After that, I was hooked. This is by far my favorite way to utilize fidget spinners.

Insomnia – I have tried using a fidget spinner as a relaxation device when trying to get to sleep. In the dark as the only thing that I am focusing on, I find it too distracting. As a relaxation aid, Chinese baoding balls are more effective.

Anxiety – The soothing motion and weight of the spinning blades can have a calming effect for anxiety, but like any coping strategy, it will require training to become effective. I’ve used my fidget spinner a couple of times in bumper-to-bumper traffic when I needed to detach from the frustration, but I can’t say definitively that fidget spinners are superior to other coping strategies in that instance.

Final thoughts

Fidget spinners won’t help you walk on water. You can’t use them as an awesome spinning guitar pick, either, but they do have their humble uses. Whether you find them useful for your needs depends upon you. I rather like mine, and plan on picking more up to have on hand if I ever lose my current favorite. Curiously, my daughter, who started me on this journey, no longer has interest in them. As a fad, fidget spinners are so last Spring. However, if they’re selling for a buck at a store nearby, it’s easy to pick one up and try it out. If you like them, upgrade to a better built Spinetic spinner. In the meantime, here are a few parting points to keep in mind.

Spinning one won’t cure your ADHD. They don’t have any medicinal effect. Anybody claiming otherwise is literally trying to sell you something.It’s only slightly more helpful than other busy motions that people with ADHD use to find focus, such as bouncing a ball, tapping a pencil, twirling a pen, pacing, talking to yourself, going for a walk, etc. However, a fidget spinner does have the benefit of fitting in one hand and not requiring much skill to get going.People won’t respect you very much if they catch you, an adult, using one in public. Oh, the looks I put up with for you!Most schools ban them now in the classroom because they are a distraction for other students.Like any coping strategy, you will need to train yourself to utilize a spinner properly. Don’t expect it to magically realign your chakra. Do expect it to work well in tandem with your current meditation and relaxation techniques. It’s a tool. If you find the hum and motion comforting, you’ll find them useful. If you don’t, they’re just colorful bits of spinning plastic.

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If you like taking things out for a spin, you might want to read my book. There are tips in it to help you help your suicidal loved ones better.

ADHD: Writer's Roadblock

Sometimes Writer’s Block is due to Road Work Ahead.

I wish the roadblocks of life would announce themselves better. Then I could chart my detours in time to avoid them. Maybe they could have mechanized arms to wave at me, catching my attention as I rocket from Point A to Point B. Most roadblocks in life do give me advance warning. It’s the ones that family members throw up in my way that catch me off guard. It is as if they announce the upcoming construction by standing on the side of a road with a postcard filled with tiny hand scratchings that somewhat resemble English. They don’t even so much as nod their head at me. Sometimes, I’m blowing by them so quickly, I don’t notice them, but for the most part, their troubles go off like bombs in my life. Then I find myself swerving out of the way, slamming on my breaks, or just careening into their manmade ditch. Surprise! Somebody’s having a bad day! My life has been like that lately, especially over the Summer. I wish I could offer myself some advice on how to avoid these pitfalls, but I have little to no control over other people’s lives.

I had such big plans for this year. I was going to be AMAZING. The stars would twinkle their approval even through the light polluted sky. I would accomplish great things. Instead, I’m scrambling to get even one book finished this year.

I read a blog today by an author boasting about how prolific he was. He made sure to point out several times that he was a single dad raising a kid. You know, to drive into his reader’s brains how incredibly awesome he was. I don’t have the ability to tune out stress and drama while keeping on track. Family drama scatters into my life like an upturned box of tacks in the road.

This year, my youngest daughter’s mental issues reached a head. It involved a new school, counseling, and group therapy on top of our already busy schedule with her physical therapy (for cerebral palsy), monthly seizures (epilepsy), and meltdowns(teenager with disabilities). Then I had to enroll her back in the old school. Our home became a battle zone, and with the increased stress, my Tourette’s became exacerbated, then creates strange synergies with my ADHD. I had energy enough to take care of her needs, then collapse on the couch at the end of the day, mindlessly watching TV while I recovered. I can’t think while ticking. The sensation is as if my mind is having tremors while being unable to concentrate on anything else. TV distracts, but by the time I come around, the night is late, and it is time to prepare for the morrow. The end result was that I didn’t blog for my editor, I didn’t blog for myself, and I didn’t write much either.

I suppose I do have some advice to give myself: Play with the cards you’re dealt. We don’t always have control over our lives as much as we’d like. There are responsibilities, emergencies, and disabilities that spring up roadblocks in our path. They arrive unannounced and make a mess of things. However, if we have even a tiny idea of where we’re going, we can keep ourselves moving forward.

My goal was to finish Pokémon Ultra Beasts in 5 Easy Steps last Spring! Then I’d have a half a year of sales before the next Pokémon game dropped, whereupon I’d update the book quickly to include the new game, and get more sales. Meanwhile, I’d have moved on to my Twelve Ways to Fight Off Depression, finished it, then begun my middle grade novel in September. Yes, GREAT THINGS. Now I’m eight months behind schedule, I’ve discovered that nobody wants Ultra Beasts, and the year is almost over.

Oh, well…

Here’s what I am going to do instead. Since the new game drops this Friday, I’m going to attend the NAMI conference tomorrow, finish the first draft of my book by Wednesday, and then work on my middle grade novel until Friday. Then I’ll update my book and prepare it for a December launch.

I’m not sure if I’ll write about Pokémon again after this. I was a game reviewer before I began blogging years ago, so it’s not a wild divergence for me. It’s just not the subject matter that burns in my heart and demands to be let free.

Thank you for following along. I realize people expect me to be an expert, and some lose faith in me when I pull the curtain back and reveal the man behind it, but this is how I’ve always dealt with my limitations. I admit them. I analyze them. I attack them, and then I achieve victory.

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If you like books with self-analysis, you’ll love reading Saying NO to Suicide.

ADHD: So You Screwed Up. What Else Is New?

Ever feel like you just can’t do anything right? Maybe it’s not just you.

I’m sitting here in my car, stunned and quite embarrassed. I just showed up to yet another appointment on the wrong day. You would think I’d be used to this by now, but the truth is that it comes as a surprise every time. And here I was thinking the worst I had done today was be seven minutes late.

Let’s Rewind

I began the morning sick again. This has been going on for weeks, and I’ve seen a roulette wheel of symptoms instead of any healthy payout. I wondered if I should even go, but I canceled the last two times because of illness, so I headed out the door in plenty of time. I obeyed all traffic laws, cut nobody off, avoided creatively driving over anything paved that might shave a second off my journey. I did not dash. I was not mad. I was at peace, or as at peace as one can be while coughing, sniffling, and driving.

When I arrived at the doctor’s office early, however, my exultant cheer was cut short. Wrong doctor’s office. Whoops. So off I was again, this time dashing ever so much along State Street, which I noted was much less congested than I was.

I arrived. I parked. I ran to the elevator and recovered, panting, for nine floors. Then I got the bad news: my appointment was tomorrow.

What Went Wrong‽

Sometimes there isn’t much you can do to thwart ADHD. I had set an alarm. I left early. I made being on time my only goal. This should have worked. I simply wrote down the wrong date. I didn’t notice the discrepancy even when I received a reminder call last week. I was sick. I wasn’t paying attention.

Moving Forward

So I’m deciding to not beat myself up about it. For now on I will:

Double check with the doctor’s office if I don’t get a reminder call.Take time to verify the date during the reminder call.Leave with the destination in mind. That way I can’t brain fart my way into being late again (even though I was technically early).Forgive myself for being forgetful.

Point Three seems self-evident, but I will visualize the destination and route in my mind before shifting into gear. I haven’t been doing that. Point Four means I’m having a good chuckle right now at my own expense, blogging about it, then moving on. Mistakes happen, some more costly than others, but dwelling on them only suppresses your self-esteem and sets you up for more failure. Focus on what you can fix. Focus forward.

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If you have a tendency to beat yourself up, you might find my book on fighting suicide full of helpful insights. I’ve gotten really good at dodging self-inflicted blows.




Down in the Dumps? Here Are Seven Steps To Beat Depression

I knew I was in trouble when I looked at the time. It was 12:30 already. Half past noon, and I was still in bed. I was just lying there feeling as if a giant weight was on top of me. I couldn’t move. I didn’t want to. Eat? Nah, too sad. Go to the bathroom? Too much effort. Even social media seemed tiresome. I put my iPhone down and thought in stunned, heavy silence, “I’m depressed.”

Savage bouts of depression can still jump out at me and catch me off guard. I have clinical depression, yet I manage my depression on a daily basis. It doesn’t often get the better of me anymore. There was a time when depression ruled my world, but I have long since put that behind me. Which is exactly why I can be waylaid by depression from time to time. I get lax. I forget to be ever vigilant.

It’s not that I hadn’t seen the warning signs. They were pretty obvious all week. Yet here I was, caught “unawares” because I hadn’t acted on the advance warnings. Since readers have asked me over and over again how I manage my depression without meds, I find it helpful to share my coping strategies.

Let’s start with today. As I was wondering how I was going find the mental strength to get out of my bed, I decided to share my process on Twitter. Already, I’ve employed two coping strategies. I admitted to myself that I was depressed, then I decided on a course of action. Both events are very difficult to do when depression has sway over your mind. Regardless, let’s focus on the tweets where all the action was.

Alright, #depression. I’m going to kick your butt today because so far, you’re kicking mine. Step 1) Move. Doesn’t matter where. Just move.

Moving in that instance meant crawling out of bed. I wish that didn’t sound as pathetic as it does, but it was the most intense bout of depression I had dealt with in years. Crushing waves of sadness washed over me. I felt as if I was drowning in all that black misery. Getting up and moving seems far too easy for a coping strategy, but when you are dealing with hardcore depression, any step forward is a difficult one.

Step 2) Eat! Sometimes when I’m depressed, I forget to eat. Filling your stomach fuels your mind. #depression

I need to eat regularly to manage my Tourette’s, but clearly that wasn’t a high priority for me this morning, so I had to made it one. Up I trudged to the kitchen and made myself a protein shake. I also talked with family a bit. Conversation with friends & family can be healing.

Step 3) Organize something. I filled out disability license form and sleep logs. Both I’d been procrastinating. #depression (and #ADHD)

Filling out forms may not be sexy, but it is taking action, and taking action is often all you need to do to reverse direction.

Waited too long to eat. Started my thumper tic, reserved only for the dinner table. Protein helps keep my #tourettes in control. Avoidable…

Food is kicking in. Ticking has stopped. Sleep logs all caught up. And, as expected, #depression has receded quite a bit.

The #depression no longer feels like an immovable force pressing me down, but more like a weight dragging behind me.

Time for Step 4, but what is it? I have an obligation I’m late for. I need to exercise. Get ready. But all I want to do is sit still.

An hour and a half later, and I was feeling better, but more needed to be done. I didn’t want to slip back.

Step 4) Distraction. I need to stop thinking about #depression for a bit. Give myself more time for food to do its job. Time to read a book.

This was a very good idea. Thirty minutes later, a good book had been read, and I was ready for the next step.

Step 5) Exercise. I need to get going, but want to boost endorphins and drive #depression back further so I can function at my best.

This step took far longer than I had planned, but in the end I felt better. In fact, I felt good.

Step 6) Shower and get ready for the day. It’s 6:23pm, but I’ve vanquished my #depression. So much work for almost no results? Nah. I’m good

When I skip showers (or don’t make my bed), I can see how that carelessness spreads sends out waves throughout my day. To make a change, I force myself to be clean. It makes a difference for me.

At this point, my friends were going to not see me tonight. I had run out of time, but I was finally not depressed.

Step 7) Blog about it. I’m more than a little disappointed at how unproductive today has been. Here’s one way to turn it around. #depression

I have found that creativity is an excellent coping strategy for fending off depression. When you find yourself at the bottom of a well, there are steps you can take to pull yourself back up. There was a day that I would have spent weeks in a blue funk, unable to escape, deep in that well. I don’t want to ever go back to those days, so I make fighting depression a number one priority.

Good luck with your own battle. You can do it, too.

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If you liked this peek into my coping strategies, you may enjoy reading my book on fighting suicide.

 

Four Things You Can Do to #StopSuicide

As National Suicide Prevention Week comes to a close, I wanted to share a few words. I was once suicidal. I hated myself. I hated my life. I was blind to the love of people around me. I was virtually on the precipice, but stepped back at the last moment because of their love. They mattered to me, and I mattered to them. I remembered that at the moment it would do the most good. I survived that dark period, and other dark periods that followed. I survived, healed, and now I try to help other people as desperately miserable as I once was by opening up about depression, ADHD, and suicide with my writing.

In fact, I wrote a book to #StopSuicide, but helping people doesn’t need to be that elaborate. Just listen and care when somebody is in crisis. Take the time to care. Don’t recoil from the subject. The fact somebody is opening up to you about such a difficult subject is an amazing blessing in your life. Don’t waste it.

The other night I spoke with a gentleman whose boy committed suicide years ago. His pain survives that suicide years later. He felt his boy didn’t mean to do it. That it was an accident. People care. They agonize over these deaths. If you are convinced nobody cares, that’s the suicidal intentions lying to you. This father, like most survivors, was wracked with survivor’s guilt. I could see it in his eyes. It’s a look I’ve seen before. “What could I have done differently?!”, they usually ask themselves. Sometimes there is nothing you can do. The ultimate choice is theirs to make, but you can do a few things to give them a fighting chance:

Ask
You know what people look like when they are sad. You know what people look like when they are devastated. If you see somebody carrying that kind of cloud over their heads, take a moment to inquire how they’re doing. They will probably tell you they’re just fine, because don’t we all? But you’ve opened a door that they didn’t know was open for them before.

Listen
If they choose to open up to you, their feelings may be intense, and what they describe may be hard to bear, but persevere. You are their lifeline. Don’t pull it back into the boat before they grab on.

Care
You may find their reasons for feeling suicidal are insignificant and even silly. I’ve heard it all. People without problems react to people drowning in problems with some form of “What? That’s nothing!” But keep this in mind. Suicidal depression magnifies small events into giant meteors of impending death. Their perception is that there is no hope, no way out except death. You may look and see tiny obstacles that would be easy for you to circumvent, but for them, these obstacles are mountains of impossible height. Don’t berate them for not being you. If they saw their life problems as small obstacles, they wouldn’t be confiding in you for help. Do your best to give them support, perspective, and compassion.

Follow Up
As the adage goes, out of sight, out of mind. You may pat yourself on the back for a job well done, but they may continue walking around with a cloud over their heads. Check in on them to see how they are doing. Your simple pep talk won’t erase a tsunami of suicidal depression anymore than one moment of sun dries your clothes on a rainy day. Don’t pester them, obviously, but keep at it. Ask them here and there how they’re doing. Let them know somebody cares.

From my own experience with suicide, we don’t think clearly during our bleakest moments. We may even believe that what we are planning is perfectly logical—even a kindness to the people we leave behind. Keep reaching out. Keep loving. It matters.

It’s not our responsibility to make their choices for them. It’s not our fault if they reject us and make that final, horrible choice. But if there is even one chance that a caring ear bent towards their needs could have helped them stop, wouldn’t you want to be the person who saved somebody from their darkest impulses?

~Dˢ

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Thank you for your support this week. I hope you found my book on fighting suicide helpful, or gifted it to somebody else who might.

 

Proving You Can't Even Give a Book on Suicide Away for FREE? #StopSuicide #NSPW17

During #NSPW17, my ebook for the suicidal (& their families) is FREE for iBooks, Kobo, B&N & Kindle https://t.co/qkcmqt8PkC #suicide Plz RT pic.twitter.com/JsFVDEy7T5

— Douglas Cootey (@SplinteredMind) September 14, 2017

Another year; another National Suicide Prevention Week has passed. This year I thought it would be a good service to the community if I offered my ebook, Saying “NO” to Suicide, for FREE throughout the week. Since I’d never made my ebooks FREE before, I had no idea what an ordeal this would become. I started last Saturday, and soon Kobo reflected the new price. Yes! Excitement! By midnight, Apple’s iBooks was also reflecting the price. This was going to work! But then World Suicide Prevention Day arrived on the 10th, and neither B&N nor Kindle reflected the newer, freer price. This was a problem because I sell most of my books on Amazon’s Kindle (followed closely by iBooks). I decided to hold off making any announcement until all the sellers matched in price.

B&N changed their price on Monday, which was fine for National Suicide Prevention Week, but Amazon was still unchanged. You see, Amazon doesn’t allow sellers to list their items for $0. Instead, you change the price elsewhere and hope Amazon price matches. After all, that’s what all the tutorials say. Would the internet lie?

By Tuesday, I let people know about the sale, and then begged readers to report the price difference at Amazon to get things moving, but that didn’t work. Then on Wednesday, I contacted KDP help and pointed out the new price myself in a plea with customer service. That did the trick! The price was finally FREE on all platforms by Thursday morning with two days left to the week. I tweeted out the announcement again, and hoped that it would reach people in time.

Who would have thought giving something away for FREE would require so much effort? At least everything is fine now. Too bad I just realized a moment ago that I forgot to blog about it. All week. It’s now Friday. The week is a bit over at this point. Nicely done, ADHD.

The drama that I alluded to in my previous blog entry—the drama that has consumed my life this past year—continued this week. Family comes first, so I focused on meeting their needs, but I have to admit I’m a little frustrated that there is so little time left for me at the end of the day. After all, just because I have to be Ms. Frizzle and Dr. Mark Sloan all at the same time doesn’t mean that I stop being disabled. I manage my depression well, but ADHD still lurks behind bushes, popping out for a neat surprise when I least expect it. Mostly, however, my Tourette’s Syndrome takes me out by the end of the day.

So I limp along. Hello, Friday!

Run and get your copy for FREE while you can. Maybe leave me a kind word at the store where you purchased the book if you find my ebook useful. (Ratings and reviews are so helpful for new authors and new readers.) Even if you don’t suffer from suicidal ideation, this is a good opportunity to gift the book to somebody you feel needs it. Or read it for yourself. Each chapter uses one of my suicide themed blog entries and discusses the coping strategy I used. There are also tips for friends & family who deal with somebody who is suicidal. It’s my best work to date and has been well received by people who have read it. I hope it helps you, too.

Meanwhile, I can’t wait until I raise the price to $2.99 on Sunday evening. I plan on keeping that sale going all through National Suicide Prevention Month. What could go wrong? I’m sure it’ll go smooth as oatmeal yogurt.

~Dˢ

Slay ADHD Tardiness with These 5 Tips

I have to admit. I haven’t been the most punctual of guys. I’ve tried, but I failed a lot. Last Tuesday, I had an appointment to meet a counselor at my daughter’s school. I left on time. I maneuvered through traffic like I was in the Indy 500 (without breaking the law!). I arrived early! Two minutes early! Then I reminded myself to put up the sunshade before getting out. I’ve written before about the effect sun-heated cars have on my noodle. So up went the sunshade. Is this the right way? No, it’s upside down. Wait, I should really put up the side window shades, too. There. Looks great! No overheating for me!
By the time I walked through the door, however, I was two minutes late.
Dang, foiled by ADHD again!
Some of you might be thinking that two minutes is hardly LATE. It’s certainly not the latest I’ve ever been. With my Tourette’s and my super awesome ADHD organization, I’ve been known to push a courtesy fifteen minute grace period into the sixteenth minute and beyond. I’ve broken time and space many a time to race across town just to arrive a hair too late, then be told I’d have to reschedule. It was a way of life. Did This year I’ve been renewing my efforts to be punctual, and lately I’ve been making strides. In fact, I was very early to my appointment the other day. I was one month early . I told a friend online that if somebody were to bet that I’d be late for the true appointment next month, I wouldn’t take that bet because I’d probably lose.
Sometimes being late is a matter of trying to fit four into three when there simply isn’t time for it. Sometimes I’m avoiding boredom by doing as much as I can before the appointed time. Sometimes I get distracted at the last minute. Most of the time, however, it’s just poor planning. Here’s how I’m getting around that these days:
Decide to be on time – I can’t emphasize enough how important this step is. Determination alone cannot prevent ADHD glitches, but it can go a great distance in helping us overcome bad habits. I was a month early because I marked a July appointment for June. Hello, ADHD. But I was “on time” for my supposed appointment because I was determined to change my behavior. Let’s hope I can do that again in July.

Suicide Catches Us All Unaware: Lessons from The Passive Voice

I've got a new blog going up soon, but I came across something tonight that I felt compelled to share with you.

Over on The Passive Voice, PG wrote about the turmoil his family has been going through due to the suicide of his son and the death of his brother — both within the same few weeks. Any death in the family can be devastating. I recently stood over the grave of my brother on Memorial Day, teary-eyed with a tight throat, even though its been nineteen years since the car accident. We don't forget those we loved. His son's suicide has pushed PG beyond the limits of his strength. Then he lost his brother to cancer. What a difficult time for his family. And yet, despite all of that, he put together a blog with such fabulous advice, I was in awe of his stamina.

His blog post gives advice on words of comfort, discusses preparation for deaths in the family, and includes a stirring passage on mental illness. I was just thinking today about the need for a will now that I'm 50. PG's blog served as a wake up call while also touching my heart.

My deepest condolences go out to his family, and I thank him for his desire to help us avoid the mistakes and stress that he ran into.

The Passive Voice - Update



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If you or a loved one is struggling with suicidism, my book, Saying "NO" to Suicide, may be of use. I share it here because it is my heart's desire that people overcome suicide.

Depression: The Magic of Shrubbery

Does living next to greenery offer benefits to your mental health, or is something else at work?

Last month, the headline “Access to nature reduces depression and obesity, finds European study” caught my eye. All I had to do to feel happier and fit in my pants better was surround myself with trees? I felt silly. Here I was using cognitive behavior therapy techniques, exercising, and working on my sleep schedule. Instead, I should have been sitting in a bush all day.

After all, that’s what it implied in the news. Look at what they were claiming:

Middle-aged Scottish men with homes in deprived but verdant areas were found to have a death rate 16% lower than their more urban counterparts. Pregnant women also received a health boost from a greener environment, recording lower blood pressures and giving birth to larger babies, research in Bradford found.

See? The babies know all that verdant abundance matters. Just being near the plants made a difference! There couldn’t be any other reason pregnant women gestating babies in the suburbs have healthier, larger children. The same with the men in kilts. Elements like economics or culture couldn’t be at work here. It had to be the trees that were keeping them alive longer. And who cares if the word “obesity” only shows up in the headline‽ We’re talking magical benefits here. Of course being around greenery causes you to lose weight. Why wouldn’t it?

Look at this claim:

Overall, nature is an under-recognised healer, the paper says, offering multiple health benefits from allergy reductions to increases in self-esteem and mental wellbeing.

So living in areas with more greenery reduces allergies from plants and trees. Clearly, I don’t understand how things work, because I was under the impression that pollinating plants caused allergies, but being surrounded by nature is the cure to being colonized by nature. Who knew? Surely the evidence for the benefits of magical chlorophyll helping depression were rooted in firmer facts, right? Nope. Just like the word “obesity”, “depression” wasn’t backed up in the article and existed only in the headline. Talk about fake news.

So who was making all these claims? Was there any truth to them? In the middle of the article was the first clue that things were not quite as the headline claimed:

The project first appeared as an unpublicised 280-page European commission literature review last autumn, before being augmented for Friends of the Earth Europe with analysis of the links between nature-related health outcomes and deprivation. (Emphasis added.)

We don’t need to travel too far down the rabbit hole to see that this hodgepodge of claims was put together by a group advocating for governments to spend more money on gardens. (“New-borns in areas with abundant green spaces have a higher birth weight and head circumference” Go plants!) The reference to obesity was in a list of ailments facing European societies. Nowhere in the report did it claim that plants fought obesity. The reference to depression was a side-note in a side box. This article was shoddy journalism; the report bordered on wishful thinking.

Anybody looking for a quick fix for their depression by hitting Home Depot’s garden department may be disappointed in the results. It’s not that greenery is a bad idea. If you find aromatic plants stress-relieving and uplifting, you may experience benefits to having those plants around you. If you can get out to the forests and mountains for a hike, the fresh air and abundant nature will do you good. Do it often enough, and you might be able to manage mild depression that way. However, a tree in and of itself isn’t going to lift your mood simply by being there. You can achieve the same boosts to self-esteem and mood by visiting an art gallery, spending a day with family, or working on a hobby. Go out and do something to lift your spirits! I favor less passive methods of relieving depression. You need to pick up the sword and swing it to fight depression, not leave it in your belt.

Speaking of belts, mine is a bit tight, so I’m going out for a walk. If I find a bush that will make me thin again, I’ll be sure to let you know where it is.

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If you like using nature to combat depression, you should read my book. It advocates medicinal sunsets.